The Guardian, Part 10
Despair
By Taerir

All Sailor Moon references are the property of their respective owners. Any concepts, characters, world names, plotlines, and so on not found in the Sailormoon television series or manga are the sole property of the author, Taerir, copyright 1999. No duplication is permitted without written permission from the author.

Asami smiled slightly to herself as she walked beside Kensaku, along the lake. This day had been better than any she had spent in quite a while. Passing by a small pizza parlor, they noticed Usagi and her friends inside. Asami pulled Kensaku along gently, wanting to apologize to the other senshi.

Rei raised an eyebrow as Asami and Kensaku entered hand in hand, but said nothing, choosing to smile instead. Asami took a seat next to Usagi, with Kensaku beside her.

Asami frowned. "Look, guys... I'm sorry about earlier. I just wasn't... thinking straight, or something. I should have been more help."

Usagi smiled brightly, swallowing hastily. "Oh, it's alright; we all understand." She giggled. "And you got him back after all, didn't you?"

Asami smiled back, amused, and remained quiet. No matter how much she told herself to concentrate, her mind kept drifting back to her less-than-useful death in the past, somewhat due to her own weakness. And then there were Kado's invasions of her mind, on top of it all...

I should tell them...

The thought made her restless, and she caught a meaningful glance from Kensaku. If she stayed much longer, she really would have to tell the others about the past, and the prospect terrified her. Refusing to meet Kensaku's gaze, she stubbornly faced the others.

"I think we'd better go...see you guys later?" she said quietly.

The others agreed, watching Asami carefully, and said goodbye to the couple, who left and walked past the park.

Kensaku was silent for a while before speaking. "You had the chance to tell them, Wyna...why didn't you?"

Asami fidgeted. "I couldn't...not yet. I'm scared of what they'll say."

"They're you're friends, Wyna. They'll understand."

Asami clenched her hands into fists, tears in her eyes. "You don't get it, Keelan...you died honorably. It's different."

Kensaku sighed, annoyed. "Wyna, I know it's hard, but you'll feel better if you tell them!"

Asami glared at him. "Just leave me alone, Keelan!"

Kensaku glared back. "Not until you tell them!"

Finally, Asami spoke again, quietly and a bit coldly. "I want to go home."

"Fine," Kensaku replied, and they walked home with a cold silence between them. Without a word, they proceeded to their respective apartments and closed their doors.

Asami sat down on her couch and put her head in her hands, taking a deep breath. It seemed as if everything was suddenly infinitely complicated. So much had happened today... She had found the one she loved, rejected him, gotten him back, and possibly lost him for good this time. It was all too much. Maybe Kensaku was right, but she was not as strong as he thought she was. Brooding, Asami wrapped a blanket around herself. She gave a bitter, derisive laugh, and curled into a ball, willing herself to have the strength to go on.

After a while, she rose from her position and walked up the stairs to the building's roof, where a small observation deck stood. She leaned on the railing, thinking silently. Her life up to this point was a succession of failures and painful episodes, it seemed. Kensaku may have tried to convince her otherwise, but she could not believe him, for all that she knew he loved her. She had pushed him away yet again, anyway. His help was far from her reach right now.

Asami looked down, and seemingly endless despair engulfed her. The ground was so far below...

I could end it all now, she thought. No more pain, no more fear...just oblivion.

Asami continued to look down, seriously contemplating her own death. How hard could it be, really?

Kensaku sat in his apartment brooding...He wished he hadn't hurt Asami like that, but he just wanted her to be happy...and to do that, she would have to face her fears. All evening since the two had returned home, he had been feeling waves of pain and grief coming from Asami, even through the apartment walls.

This bond thing is not always a great thing to have, he thought, annoyed. As soon as the thought finished coherently, he regretted it. The bond was more than worth whatever the two of them were going through at the moment.

Suddenly, though the feelings of grief changed to ones of bleak depression. Most of all, the emotions were overwhelmingly self-destructive; Asami might hurt herself in this condition!

Horrified, Kensaku rushed to Asami's apartment, but she wasn't there. The roof! He came up several flights of stairs to see her leaning over the railing along the edge of the roof, apparently thinking of jumping. Kensaku stared. How could she do this to herself? He had to stop her--how would he live if she was gone?

Asami took one sorrowful, heart-wrenching look back at him, her eyes a mask. Then she turned and leaned further over the railing.