Memories of Loss
Part 3
I hardly notice when Jonas comes into my quarters, setting down his bag and sitting next to me. I feel him wipe away a tear on my cheek and stoke my hair. I look up at him, seeing a glimmer in his eyes, but he hides it before I can identify it. "Hey Sam, are you okay?" Jonas asks me, concerned. "Yeah, I'm okay, I guess. Ready to go?" I respond. "I am if you are," Jonas glances at the table with my medication. "Oh, that. I've driven after taking these before," I reply. Well, okay, not with both but I don't want to tell him that. I get off my bed and pick up my coat, discreetly putting my medication inside the pocket. I don't know if he noticed. I really don't care if he did. He knows why I take it, he understands. I ask him, "How did you get into my quarters, anyway?" He replies, "You know how you were teaching me how to lock-pick? I heard you crying so I decided to put your teaching into practice . . . I'm sorry . . ." "Jonas, it's okay. I'm glad you can in." We leave my quarters and sign out.
Outside, a cold breeze makes us both shiver even through our coats. As I unlock my car door, Jonas asks me, "Are you sure you're okay? You don't mind bringing me along off base? You don't have to, you know." "I know, but I want to bring you with me. You deserve it, anyway. And yes, I am okay, you being around seems to help," I reassure him. He smiles, "Thanks, you being around and talking to me helps me too." I start my car and we drive off base. I notice Jonas looking around observing the new surroundings. His curiosity is rather amusing. Through the lull of the countryside, my mind begins to drift. Keep it together, Sam. You don't want to kill Jonas and yourself. If it were just me in the car, I wouldn't care if my mind wanders . . .
We finally get to my house. Home, sweet home. It's funny how the base feels more like home than here. Probably it is due to the fact that my friends are there, but lately, everything reminds me of Daniel. I had to get away. Coming here was probably the worst place I could have gone to get away. Every little thing here reminds me of memories of times Daniel and I shared here. I'm glad Jonas is here, I don't think I could trust myself alone here, even with the meds. Things would become too much to take. I don't know if I would come back, the pain would overtake me and I know what I am capable of . . . I come back to my senses to see Jonas trying to read my expression. I unlock my front door and we walk inside. It's rather cold, so I immediately go to the thermostat and turn it up a few degrees. Jonas walks up to me and asks, "Where should I put my stuff?" I lead him to the guestroom. Leaving him to unpack, I go make a pot of tea for us. I'm surprised that Jonas isn't already in the living room yet when I bring in the tea. The light is still on in the guestroom, so I figure he is still there. Quietly, I walk into the room, yes; he is still there. He's writing in a notebook, but he puts it away soon as he looks up to see me there. "What are you writing?" I ask him out of curiosity. "Nothing much," he replies. "Oh, okay," I reply; though I am still curious. We walk into the living room and sit on the sofa. We drink our tea in companionable silence until Jonas picks up my photo album on my coffee table. "May I look at it?" he asks. "Yeah," I reply as I move closer to him. We open the album across our laps. We flip through the pages filled with pictures of the team, pictures of my family, and then we come to pictures of Daniel and me. We look through the pages upon pages of candid pictures of Daniel, me, or both of us together. We laugh as I tell Jonas the stories behind them. Then we turn the page to the sweet pictures of Daniel and me together. I feel a blush rising in my cheeks. We come to a picture of us asleep on the sofa that Jonas and me are sitting on. Jonas looks at me questioningly. I tell him, "Jack took that picture of us. We were going to watch movies but we fell asleep waiting for Jack and Teal'c to show up. They were two hours late!" We start laughing, not that fake laugh we usually do. But them we come to the pictures from Daniel's funeral. Tears form in my eyes. Through my tear-blurred eyes, I see understanding in Jonas's eyes. He puts him arm around me, like Jack and the others have done when they tried to comfort me, to no avail. But with Jonas' touch, I am comforted. He succeeds where others have failed. In his arms, I feel like everything will be all right, the way I felt when Daniel held me.
The way I felt with Daniel.
That realization makes me stiffen in surprise, it's strange how Jonas can comfort me like Daniel did, but in his own way, different. My stiffening surprises Jonas. I whisper to him, "Jonas, thank you. Your touch, your presence, is comforting. Others have tried to comfort me but have failed. But you are able to comfort me. Will you stay the whole weekend with me?" Jonas smiles, "Of course I'll stay, if you really want me to. I'm worried about you, Sam. I really care about you." The glimmer in his eyes that I saw briefly when we were in my quarters on base returns. "I really care about you, too, Jonas," I whisper to him as I pull him into an embrace.
Part 3
I hardly notice when Jonas comes into my quarters, setting down his bag and sitting next to me. I feel him wipe away a tear on my cheek and stoke my hair. I look up at him, seeing a glimmer in his eyes, but he hides it before I can identify it. "Hey Sam, are you okay?" Jonas asks me, concerned. "Yeah, I'm okay, I guess. Ready to go?" I respond. "I am if you are," Jonas glances at the table with my medication. "Oh, that. I've driven after taking these before," I reply. Well, okay, not with both but I don't want to tell him that. I get off my bed and pick up my coat, discreetly putting my medication inside the pocket. I don't know if he noticed. I really don't care if he did. He knows why I take it, he understands. I ask him, "How did you get into my quarters, anyway?" He replies, "You know how you were teaching me how to lock-pick? I heard you crying so I decided to put your teaching into practice . . . I'm sorry . . ." "Jonas, it's okay. I'm glad you can in." We leave my quarters and sign out.
Outside, a cold breeze makes us both shiver even through our coats. As I unlock my car door, Jonas asks me, "Are you sure you're okay? You don't mind bringing me along off base? You don't have to, you know." "I know, but I want to bring you with me. You deserve it, anyway. And yes, I am okay, you being around seems to help," I reassure him. He smiles, "Thanks, you being around and talking to me helps me too." I start my car and we drive off base. I notice Jonas looking around observing the new surroundings. His curiosity is rather amusing. Through the lull of the countryside, my mind begins to drift. Keep it together, Sam. You don't want to kill Jonas and yourself. If it were just me in the car, I wouldn't care if my mind wanders . . .
We finally get to my house. Home, sweet home. It's funny how the base feels more like home than here. Probably it is due to the fact that my friends are there, but lately, everything reminds me of Daniel. I had to get away. Coming here was probably the worst place I could have gone to get away. Every little thing here reminds me of memories of times Daniel and I shared here. I'm glad Jonas is here, I don't think I could trust myself alone here, even with the meds. Things would become too much to take. I don't know if I would come back, the pain would overtake me and I know what I am capable of . . . I come back to my senses to see Jonas trying to read my expression. I unlock my front door and we walk inside. It's rather cold, so I immediately go to the thermostat and turn it up a few degrees. Jonas walks up to me and asks, "Where should I put my stuff?" I lead him to the guestroom. Leaving him to unpack, I go make a pot of tea for us. I'm surprised that Jonas isn't already in the living room yet when I bring in the tea. The light is still on in the guestroom, so I figure he is still there. Quietly, I walk into the room, yes; he is still there. He's writing in a notebook, but he puts it away soon as he looks up to see me there. "What are you writing?" I ask him out of curiosity. "Nothing much," he replies. "Oh, okay," I reply; though I am still curious. We walk into the living room and sit on the sofa. We drink our tea in companionable silence until Jonas picks up my photo album on my coffee table. "May I look at it?" he asks. "Yeah," I reply as I move closer to him. We open the album across our laps. We flip through the pages filled with pictures of the team, pictures of my family, and then we come to pictures of Daniel and me. We look through the pages upon pages of candid pictures of Daniel, me, or both of us together. We laugh as I tell Jonas the stories behind them. Then we turn the page to the sweet pictures of Daniel and me together. I feel a blush rising in my cheeks. We come to a picture of us asleep on the sofa that Jonas and me are sitting on. Jonas looks at me questioningly. I tell him, "Jack took that picture of us. We were going to watch movies but we fell asleep waiting for Jack and Teal'c to show up. They were two hours late!" We start laughing, not that fake laugh we usually do. But them we come to the pictures from Daniel's funeral. Tears form in my eyes. Through my tear-blurred eyes, I see understanding in Jonas's eyes. He puts him arm around me, like Jack and the others have done when they tried to comfort me, to no avail. But with Jonas' touch, I am comforted. He succeeds where others have failed. In his arms, I feel like everything will be all right, the way I felt when Daniel held me.
The way I felt with Daniel.
That realization makes me stiffen in surprise, it's strange how Jonas can comfort me like Daniel did, but in his own way, different. My stiffening surprises Jonas. I whisper to him, "Jonas, thank you. Your touch, your presence, is comforting. Others have tried to comfort me but have failed. But you are able to comfort me. Will you stay the whole weekend with me?" Jonas smiles, "Of course I'll stay, if you really want me to. I'm worried about you, Sam. I really care about you." The glimmer in his eyes that I saw briefly when we were in my quarters on base returns. "I really care about you, too, Jonas," I whisper to him as I pull him into an embrace.