The past can hurt - Chapter 6
I am not really sure where this story is going, and what is going to happen to Alan, I just write what coming to my head so I don't know if its any good, so if you could review I would be very grateful, whether its for good or bad thoughts.
If you dig up the past all you get is dirty
The sea crashed and broke on to the un-even, jagged rocks that lay on the far edge of Tracy Island, while on the dangerously towering cliffs above a small figure was ascending to the summit. He was well aware to the fact that one slip of his hand or foot would send him plummeting to his death put the need to finish his challenge and demonstrate to himself he could do it, that thought was much more overpowering. Pushing himself was his only craving, to try and achieve reconciliation, like he had been searching for time and time before, after only one thing a desperate need for a conclusion to the unbearable guilt.
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Scott had looked for nearly and hour for Alan and had finally found him climbing the most dangerous cliff on the Island, not for the first time, even though they had been warned it's wasn't very safe. Scott was certain of only one thing he had to know what was wrong no more " I am fine Scott" or "stop worrying" the truth would be only what he wanted to know, but how to get it. Scott considered that issue as his hand fell to his side, and felt a small solid rectangle in his pocket, well this would probably explain everything, it was Alan's journal.
"If he won't tell me directly then maybe I will have to read what his is thinking" Scott walked off to the direction of the cliff top to confront Alan, but this time having a clue to the problem.
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At the peak of the uppermost sea cliff the view of the Island was amazing, from the tropical birds nesting in the cliff walls to the coconuts that sheltered in the collection of palm trees that covered the Island. The shimmering Pacific waters mirrored the constant radiance of the sunlight, as they washed gradually on the serene white sandy beaches, creating to most others one of the most stunning places on earth. Alan missed all of this as memories and feeling blocked out the true beauty of the scene.
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"I know" the calm steady wind that infiltrated through the humidity of Tracy Island carried the solid, confident yet concerned voice.
Scott sat down next to his youngest brother. He studied Alan's face, it expressed no emotion, but the depth of his cerulean eyes seemed to betray his desperate need to keep undisclosed his profound feeling of grief and remorse.
"I know what's wrong, what has always been wrong, what you have always kept to yourself, and how if you put your life on the line you think you are settling your conscience.
"If that's what you think" came a blunt inexpressive response
"No that's what you think" Scott pulled of a small book, which consequently got him a look of devastated trust and incredible fury.
"You had NO bloody right to read that"
"I was worried about you Alan, and I had every right to be concerned reading this." There was a silence as both Tracy's looked at each other neither knew how long had passed before the elder spoke.
" Why did you tell Tin Tin you didn't love her?"
The sudden switch of topic pleased and made Alan apprehensive as this mind raced with worry of what Scott knew.
" I can't believe he read my diary, but what does he know, obviously about mum, so why is he asking about Tin Tin? I can't tell him anything, no one must know." But what Alan said wasn't what he'd expected.
"I do love her! I won't let her be hurt, ok. What we do is so perilous".
" I know how she feels when one of us gets hurt, especially me and I can't let her go through that pain. Alan voice whispered the last few words showing his regret.
" I know, but isn't that her decision, whether she wasn't to take that risk."
Scott's words dominated reason and assurance. Alan turned his head and looked into his oldest brother's cobalt eyes, as he spoke those words, that seemed to echoic their fathers reasoning and attitude.
"Maybe" Alan said softly as he stood and breathed deeply, as if he had been holding his breath for minutes.
"I can't believe I am getting through to him, I was expecting him to tell me where to go. Will he open up to me about mum? I have to try." Scott though to himself, as he walked over and rapped his arm around Alan's shoulder.
"She isn't the only one who loves you Alan, and we're really worried about you, you got to stop running away from the problem." Scott had to force Alan to look at him, as he wanted again to turn and runaway.
"I don't know what you mean Scott" Alan said confidently as he snatched his arm back and started to walk away.
"Alan, you think its your fault mum died" Alan stopped dead in his tracks and turned back.
"Remember Scott," Alan said with firmness,
" If you dig up the past all you get is dirty."
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Alan just made it to his room before, for the very first time since he was a small child sitting alone staring at the stars, his feeling were expressed by the un-containable tears that fell from his eyes. Whether it was from someone actually voicing to him just how he felt or just the remembering the hidden side of his childhood past, when only running away from the thoughts were his only option. Every time he saw his father or brothers talk about mum in a disheartened voice, or show pictures of the family that didn't include him he took to his escape route. As Alan thought about that he hadn't changed at all when International Rescue failed to save people then he believe he was at fault, so risking himself to save others even when he was told not to was a better option that the knowledge of losing people, as their families would only have to suffer like his did.
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