Chapter 5
"Crookshanks, what am I going to do?" Hermione asked, pacing up and down the length of her bedroom. Crookshanks issued one long meow, head cocked as if saying, 'Don't worry, mum. It will be okay.' She reached over and scooped the large ginger ball of fur up into her arms and buried her face in his soft coat. "What if I ruined everything?"
A soft rapping at the door to her living room grabbed her attention away from the now protesting Crookshanks. She dropped him on the bed, then rushed out into the living room and over to the door. She pulled the door open and found herself staring into a pair of sparkling black eyes, belonging to none other than the object of all her worries.
"Severus," she muttered, grabbing the doorframe to steady her shaking legs. She swallowed hard. "What are you doing here?"
"I, uh, wanted to let you know that there will be a staff meeting this afternoon at one o'clock," he replied.
"Oh," Hermione said, frowning. She had thought he might ease her fears about ruining their friendship. "Well, thank you. I will certainly be there."
He nodded curtly, then turned and swept out of the hospital wing, leaving a bewildered looking Hermione in his wake.
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"Something on your mind, Severus?"
Snape whirled around and looked directly into the smirking face of Remus Lupin. He was leaning casually on the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest.
"I fail to understand how that would be any of your business," Snape muttered, turning to walk away.
"Well you only have that look on your face when you leave the company of Miss Granger," Lupin pointed out, pushing away from the wall and intercepting Snape. "I want to know what is going on between the two of you."
"Why is that, Remus?" Snape asked, sneering at him. "Want her all to yourself?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Snape!" Remus snapped, glaring up at the taller man. "She's like a niece to me. I worry about her, especially when a man like you seems to have taken a liking to her."
"Did I ever tell you that I'd taken a liking to her?"
"Oh, come on man!" Remus exclaimed, shaking his head. "One only has to look at your face when she's around to see it spelled out clear as crystal!"
Snape looked down at the ground and sighed deeply.
"So what if I do feel something for her?" Snape asked, bringing his eyes up to meet Remus's clear blue. "Would it be so horrible?"
"It's not that, Severus," Remus said, smiling kindly at him. "It's just that Hermione isn't like other women. Not at all," he said, chuckling lightly, "She is smarter than Minerva McGonagall, braver than almost anyone else I know, and more beautiful than the most intoxicating veela."
"I know all this," Snape whispered, leaning back on the wall, "so why should a woman like that ever want to spend time with someone like me?"
"Because she is one of a kind," Remus said, reaching over and clapping a hand on Snape's shoulder, "and when I said that she was braver than almost anyone I knew, I wasn't including you. You are the bravest person I know."
Snape looked down into Remus's face, brow furrowed in confusion.
"I think you two would complete each other," Remus said, smiling. "Don't let her get away, Severus. She is far too precious to let go."
He squeezed Snape's shoulder than turned and swept down the hall, brown robes billowing behind him.
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"The students will be arriving in three days, everyone," Dumbledore announced, pacing up and down in front of the staff, "so we must do everything in our power to protect these children." He stopped and looked around the room, eyes locking with each individual before continuing. "We will be renewing all of the wards around the castle and grounds this afternoon, twice for each area. We will not take any chances."
"What about Hogsmeade visits, Albus?" McGonagall asked.
"The students will still be allowed to visit Hogsmeade," Dumbledore answered, nodding his head. "Hogsmeade is also warded so the children will be as safe there as they are here." He turned to Hermione. "Miss Granger, I understand that you have renewed the stores for the hospital wing?"
"Yes sir," Hermione answered, nodding in confirmation. "Everything is well stocked."
"Good, good," Dumbledore muttered, scratching something on a piece of parchment. "I will be separating all of us into groups of two and assigning a specific area to each group. I will give each group a list of wards and you will place all of those wards around your area; twice through, don't forget!"
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"Are you getting used to being back here, Hermione?" McGonagall asked, waving her wand over the door to the Great Hall.
"Slowly," Hermione replied, grinning. "It was pretty weird at first, but I really can't think of any other place I would rather live and work."
"You know, Hermione," Minerva began, linking her arm with the younger girl's and starting down the hall, "I've called Hogwarts my home for almost fifty years and I still haven't tired of it. The people who I work with are as close to family as I have and I love all of them dearly." She turned and looked into Hermione's eyes. "You will come to feel the same way in time. We are a family here and will do anything in our power to protect our family members. Remember that."
"Oh, I will," Hermione said, "I'm pretty nervous about school starting."
"Don't be nervous, Hermione," Minerva said, chuckling. "You'll do a wonderful job! Just remember that Albus, myself, and everyone else has faith in your abilities."
"Thank you, Minerva," Hermione said, blushing lightly. "That helps a lot." She frowned down at her feet. "I guess the person I'm worried about the most is," she stopped and cleared her throat.
"Severus," Minerva whispered, her brow furrowing. "I know. We all worry about him."
"I'm so scared of seeing him for the first time after he has been summoned," Hermione told Minerva. "What kind of condition is he going to be in? And am I going to be able to help him? I don't think I'll be able to stand seeing him in pain."
Minerva turned and looked at Hermione, a strange expression on her face.
"You really care for him, don't you?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, looking down at her feet.
Minerva smiled kindly at her before continuing down the stairs to the front lawn.
"I was once a young woman myself, Hermione," Minerva began, a faraway look on her face, "and I know the look in your eyes. I see it on your face when he's around." She stopped for a few moments to place a ward on the front steps. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Hermione. He is a difficult man, but under his hard exterior lies a very wonderful human being. He is a treasure and you shouldn't let him slip away," she whispered, her eyes shining as if she were right on the edge of tears. "I made that mistake when I was your age and I have regretted my decision every day of my life since."
She looked off into the distance for a few moments before shaking her head and frowning at Hermione.
"We better get these wards finished up."
With that, she swept off onto the grounds, Hermione following with her head swimming with the afternoon's revelations.
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Hermione tilted her head back into the sun, soaking up the warmth and listening to the birdsong coming from within the Forbidden Forest. She breathed in the rich, clean air of the Scottish highlands and sighed. She was home. There was no other place she would ever feel as content as she did when she was roaming the halls of Hogwarts, smelling the leather bindings of books, delicious food, and the wonderful scent of flora wafting in from outdoors. She gave herself a mental shake, then looked back down at the letter she was composing to her parents.
Dear Mum and Dad,
Well, here it is, the weekend before school starts. I have prepared for the coming year the best I know how, but still I feel as though I'm floundering in quicksand. Have I gone in over my head? Would I have done a better job as a nameless, faceless doctor in some random wizarding hospital? I have asked myself these questions over and over again to no avail. I don't have an answer. The only answer I have for myself is this; I will do the best job I can and never stop taking care of these children. I was telling Harry before I came here that they are the future of our world. I am one of the keepers of the future. I feel privileged to have this responsibility and only hope that I won't let them down.
On a happier note, I truly feel at home here. My colleagues have made me feel very welcome and I still love wandering the halls. I feel at peace. Crookshanks is doing well, also. I think he is as happy to be back as I am.
I must go for now.
Sending you all my love,
Hermione
She rolled the parchment, then tied it to the leg of the waiting barn owl perched on the edge of the bench she was sitting on. She watched it fly off until it was only a speck on the horizon, but still she didn't move from her seat. She sat staring off into the sky until the first stars twinkled to life and the moon peeked over the horizon.
Hermione felt a hand gently caress her bare back, the other coming up to her hair, fingers gently combing through her curls. She turned around and smiled as he pulled her close to his body, arms wrapping protectively around her waist. He leaned down slowly, dark eyes locked with her own, and slowly pressed his lips to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss, moving her moist lips over his. She felt his tongue graze over her lower lip and moaned softly as she opened her mouth to him. Their tongues danced together, bodies pressed close to the other, both of them slowly becoming overwhelmed with desire. She pulled back and smiled mischievously as she slowly unbuttoned his white cotton shirt, then pushed it off of his strong shoulders with her tiny hands. She ran her hands over his chest, gently grazing each nipple with her fingernails before moving down his stomach and grazing gently under the waistband of his pants. He stopped her hands with his own, then brought both of them to his mouth and kissed her knuckles with his soft lips. He looked into her eyes and smiled.
"I love you so much, Hermione," he whispered, holding one hand close to his cheek.
She looked into his deep black eyes and ran her free hand gently through his shiny black hair.
"I love you, too," she whispered, "Severus."
Hermione sat up in her bed, panting from her dream. It had been so real! She had been dreaming of Severus every night since that fateful night in his chambers. He had no idea how he tormented her in her sleep. She glanced over at her bedside clock; 4:30am. She sighed and flopped back down on her pillows. Today the students would arrive, and with them would arrive all manners of injuries and illnesses for her to deal with. She tossed and turned for a few moments before throwing the covers back and sliding out of bed. She wasn't going to get anymore sleep today.
She grabbed her red, terry-cloth bathrobe and padded into the bathroom, wincing when her bare feet came in contact with the cold wooden floor. She pulled her nightgown over her head, then reached into the shower to turn on the water. She gazed thoughtfully at the two showerheads, one spouting steaming water, the other simply hanging on the wall staring at her with its unseeing eyes. She shrugged, then reached in and turned on the other tap as well. She stepped into the warm spray and sighed in content. 'Why didn't everyone install two showerheads?' she thought as she reveled in the way her entire body was being sprayed at the same time. It felt wonderful, really.
She looked over at the other side of the shower, surprisingly empty looking, and wondered what it would be like to share this wonderful thing with somebody. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the still-cool tiles on the wall, images of a dark man with eyes as black and deep as the deepest depths of the ocean forming in her mind. If she thought hard enough she could almost feel his hard muscles under her searching hands, could almost feel his breath on her face when he would whisper in her ear with that wonderfully silky, sensual voice that could drive her mad with desire if she listened long enough. She ran her hands down her arms, slick and slippery with soap and sighed. If only those were his hands running over her warm skin.
She opened her eyes and pushed those thoughts out of her mind, focusing on the coming day. It was pointless to love a man who didn't love you back.
Severus reached out and ran his hands through her silky curls, reveling in the way they slid effortlessly through his long fingers. She sighed and reached a hand up to cup his cheek, her thumb grazing gently over his lips before pulling him close and pressing her lips lightly to his mouth. He pulled her closer and moved his mouth slowly, sensually over her lips, tongue flicking out to run over her swollen lower lip in a silent invitation. She opened her mouth to him with a soft moan, allowing him entrance into her eager depths. Their tongues danced in perfect rhythm, slowly bringing the other closer and closer to madness. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, a small smile on her lips, cheeks flushed with desire.
"I love you so much, Severus," she whispered, running a finger along his jawline. Her cinnamon eyes sparkled in the candlelight, her chestnut hair shining as if it were lit from within.
He smiled back, then pulled her hand from his neck and kissed each finger before speaking.
"I love you, too," he whispered, pulling her close once again. "Hermione."
Severus bolted up in bed, panting as if he had just run from something. He looked around his chambers frantically, as if trying to find the source of his fright. When his visual search of the room found nothing, he sat back in his bed and pulled his fingers roughly through his hair. He had been dreaming about Hermione since the night in his chambers when she had told him he was handsome. She didn't even know it but she was tormenting his very soul each night while he slept. He glanced over at his bedside clock; 4:30 am. He wasn't going to get anymore sleep today.
He pulled himself out of bed and winced as his feet came in contact with the cold wooden floor. He made his way to the bathroom and turned on the shower, then slid his boxer shorts off of his hips and stepped into the steaming water. Nothing woke him up better than a hot shower first thing in the morning. He ran his hands over his soapy skin, imagining what it would feel like for Hermione's small hands to be doing the very same thing. His dreams frequently involved them in water of some kind, their skin sliding smoothly together, both of them flushed and panting with desire. 'What point is there to love a woman who doesn't love you back?' he thought, throwing the soap down in anger. He pushed all thoughts of Hermione out of his mind and continued preparing for the day.
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Hermione pushed open the doors to the Great Hall and made her way slowly to her place at the Head Table between Professors Lupin and Sprout.
"Good evening, Hermione," Remus said as he pulled her chair out for her.
"Good evening, Remus," she echoed. She sat down in her chair and scooted up to the table. She brought her eyes up to look around the Hall and locked onto a pair of dark, hooded eyes gazing at her from where he had just come through the doors. Severus stood there in his trademark black robes, black button-down shirt, and well-fit black trousers. To Hermione's surprise, however, his hair was still as clean as it had been over the summer. She smiled approvingly and nodded her head in greeting. He nodded back and she watched as the ghost of a smile crossed his face. He strode toward the table and took his seat next to Dumbledore, chair scraping over the dark wooden floor as he pulled it close to the table.
"Ah, Severus!" Dumbledore exclaimed, slapping him jovially on the back. "You're looking very healthy! What made you decide to change?" He smiled knowingly at Severus, one eyebrow quirked mischievously. Severus scowled at him and shook his head.
"Albus, I'm not even going to reply to your question since it seems as if you already have an answer," Severus muttered running a hand self-consciously down the front of his robes. Dumbledore laughed and leaned over toward Severus.
"Oh Severus," he began, chuckling approvingly, "I don't blame you for your taste." He glanced down the table to where Hermione was chatting animatedly with Professor Sprout. "She really is quite beautiful. And a good match for your mind to boot!" He patted Snape's hand softly. "Don't let her get away, Severus."
"I don't want to, Albus," Snape whispered, looking over into Dumbledore's sparkling blue eyes. "But how can I let her get away when I don't even have her in the first place?"
"Severus, one can always let the good things get away," Dumbledore said, frowning thoughtfully. "Especially if one doesn't even try to make them their own. That is the very worst way to lose something special." He turned in his seat to face Snape. "Imagine how wonderful it would be to go through the rest of your life with someone extraordinary by your side. Someone you can share your very soul with, Severus. Now imagine that you had never told her how you felt. Imagine seeing her every day with another man." Dumbledore paused, watching Snape's face darken at his words. "Do you want to see that, Severus? Do you want to take that chance?"
Snape clenched his fists, images of Hermione on another man's arm, sharing kisses and secrets with, flashing through his mind.
"No, Albus," he replied, closing his eyes. "I never want to see that."
"Then don't let it happen!" Dumbledore whispered fiercely, his hand reaching out to grasp Snape's hand with surprising strength. "I only want to see you happy, Severus. You are the closest thing I have to a son and I care about you deeply."
Snape's head snapped up at Dumbledore's words, a surprising feeling of warmth rushing to his heart.
"Thank you, Albus," Snape whispered, squeezing Dumbledore's hands with his own. He could feel the prick of tears behind his closed lids. He looked away and swallowed hard, not willing to meet Dumbledore's eyes with his own. He was spared any humiliation, however, when the doors to the Great Hall banged open and a throng of students pressed in, filling the hall with loud chatter and the scraping of wooden benches on the floor as they all took their seats at their respective tables.
Hermione watched as the House tables slowly filled until only the very front of each table was left vacant. She felt a familiar rush of butterflies in her stomach as she remembered her own Sorting. Strong as ever was the feeling that the Sorting Hat would realize that there had been a mistake and she didn't belong there with all the other young witches and wizards. After all, she was a pure muggle-born. Then, when the Hat had been placed on her head, it had shouted out 'Gryffindor!' and Hermione had felt the tension leave her as quickly as it had come. She remembered well the feeling of euphoria as she had joined her House table and realized in her heart that she really did belong.
She was pulled out of her reminiscing as the doors once again banged open and Professor McGonagall strode in, two long lines of first year students following behind. Hermione smiled at the looks of horror and amazement on their faces, wondering if she had looked as scared when she first walked into the hall.
"You looked just like that on your first day," Professor Sprout whispered in her ear, making Hermione wonder if everyone here could read minds. She shook her head, then watched as Professor McGonagall went through the familiar steps of the Sorting Ceremony.
She clapped politely as each student was placed. It started with Adams, Anastasia being placed in Slytherin, and ended with Winchester, Madison being placed in Hufflepuff.
Dumbledore stood and beamed down at the throng of students, each of them gazing up at him eagerly.
"Welcome to a new year!" he announced, opening his arms wide. "I am very pleased to see so many new faces joining us this year. I'm sure you will all be wonderful witches and wizards." He turned to Hermione and nodded slightly. She stood and waited for the introduction. "I would like to introduce our new medi-witch, Hermione Granger!" There was polite applause all around, and much louder applause coming from the Gryffindor table. There were even a few wolf whistles and catcalls coming from some of the older boys. She blushed deeply in embarrassment and glanced down the table at Severus. He was grinning mischievously at her, shoulders shaking in silent laughter. She glared at him, then smiled widely down at the students, nodded her head in acknowledgement, and then took her seat once again.
She looked down the table at Severus. He was still laughing.
"You think that's funny?" she mouthed, face still burning in embarrassment.
He nodded his head once, then turned back to the students, leaving Hermione seething at him from the other end of the table.