Switching Identities
Part One By A Shot of Amber
After watching a few hours of Sailor Moon one weekend, I got an idea for this story. It has to do with the senshi after High School and in alternate universe where they don't have their senshi powers. I hope you enjoy, and please remember to read and review or send all comments, questions, suggestions, and flames to Saphrians_Water_Reflection@hotmail.com.
Switching Identities Part One
The sun was out that day, it was shining so brightly down. Not a cloud in the pristine blue sky, just the sun shining down. It filtered through the trees onto the tiny plot of land. A small grave. Her coffin was made of white wood and trimmed with gilt. An arrangement of yellow roses lay on top, a gift from Makoto. She had always loved yellow roses more than any other flower. Now she would be buried with them.
We stood around the coffin, everyone was dressed in black. Handkerchiefs bloomed in gloved hands as the priest's voice droned on and on. Ashes to ashes dust to dust. She would be lowered into that grave and soon forgotten only to lie underneath a green carpet of grass.
I smiled secretly with the glee of it all.
Minako stepped forward and threw one last flower down onto the lowering coffin, a deep blood red rose. She paused to wipe away the tears gathering in her eyes. A dramatic affect before stepping back to stand next to Mamoru. He carefully placed one arm around her pulling her close and whispered into her hair.
" It will be okay Usako."
The office was stately done in dark wooden tones with splashes of green here and there. I let myself into the empty waiting room and walked up to the secretary sitting at the desk.
" I'm here for my two o'clock appointment with the doctor."
The secretary looked up from her fashion magazine just long enough to flip through the calendar on the desk and nod. " Just have a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly."
As if Calvin Klein and fashion models are more important then me. Although I wondered if there was a picture of me from last photo shoot, it couldn't have been that long ago. Maybe two or three months.
I took a seat on the couch by the window and picked up a magazine to read. It was an old copy of people magazine. I would be in there somewhere, caught and frozen on tape. Yep there it was, a picture of me outside a LA club. What night had that been? I couldn't remember. Yet, there I was flicking off the camera and screaming obscenities. The headline underneath brought out the faint shadow of a smile. "The very drunk Minako Anio salutes American life with one finger."
Yea, America was great but its not as great as what I have now. Its not as great as having.
" Miss Anio?"
I looked up from the magazine to see Dr. Miller standing there smiling down at me. She was in her mid forties, short shoulder length brown hair, dulling wire rimmed glasses, and a conservative blue suit.
I shut the magazine and stood up leaving it laying on the couch below me. " Hi Dr. Miller, I'm sorry I didn't see you come in."
" That is fine, if you want, follow me up to my office so we can talk."
Why do people say want? It's not as if I have any choice in the manner of talking to her.
Dr. Miller turned and walked up the creaky wooden stairs of the old house that was now her office. I followed behind her holding onto the wooden railing scarred by so many years of life. Upstairs was a maze of closed doors in the small hallway. Her door was the only open ushering me into a crème colored room filled with soft splashes of color. It had a calming affect over me as I sank down onto the couch and laid my purse on the floor.
" Now your agent, Jean sent you here to see me, is that correct?" Dr. Miller sat down in a black leather chair and picked up a folder laying on her desk.
" Jean thinks I need some counseling to work out my troubled life."
" I guess the rock star life is not all it's cut up to be. Your file says you just got out of rehab for a narcotics addiction." Dr. Miller looked over her glasses giving me what could only be a disapproving look.
" I was addicted to sleeping pills and cocaine. Not really good especially when paired with all the alcohol I was consuming. I must have put away easily a gallon of liquor a day." I grinned with remembrance of those old parties and the free booze that was everywhere in the end.
Dr. Miller did not smile, instead she set down my file and picked up a black notebook. " Mina, may I call you Mina?"
" Yes! Of course that's what everyone calls me," I replied coming out of my dream world.
" Today I would like to talk about your past. Shinsei said that there was something bothering you in the end. He thinks your suffering from depression, which can be quite common in the glitzy world you come from, still I would like to get to the bottom of everything before I give you a diagnosis."
" It's a dark world. Are you sure you want to see it?" I asked quietly thinking back to the last few years.
" Yes I do."
" Alright, I'll start from the beginning. It's always the best."
Dr. Miller opened up her notebook and clicked her pen. She was posed and ready. I was not. I didn't want to go back. I was happy now, but I closed my eyes and let the office disappear. Colors blurred away and the years slipped away back to the beginning.
* * * * * * *
Usagi was the first one to get to me. Her blond hair waving in the hair as she ran over and threw her arms around me.
" We made it Minako! We made it!"
I laughed and hugged Usagi back. The happiness she seemed to radiate was contagious.
" Of course we made it baka, we're the best!" I raised my diploma in the air to prove my point.
" Minna!" Makoto ran towards us barreling through people. Her diploma was clutched in one hand, her hat in the other. Usagi and I ran forward towards her. We collided in a group hug, everyone laughing and talking at once.
Slightly behind us were Rei and Ami. They walked up slowly, Ami blushing still from all the comments coming from all directions. She had been class valedictorian. A great honor to be number one in the school. All through the ceremony she had blushed bright red while she sat next the principal and then later gave her speech, her small voice echoing throughout the crowd.
" Ami!" Usagi squealed and let go of us to run over to Ami. " We did it! We graduated!"
Ami laughed and tried to maintain her balance while Usagi jumped up and down with the excitement of it all.
I turned away from them to look over the field, crowds of students were milling around. Already the parents has started to trickle down from the stands to find their student. I knew somewhere my mom and dad were up there. Perhaps they had sat with Usagi's and Mamoru. I knew Mamoru would be here. He wouldn't have missed this for the world, Usagi would have been so mad at him.
I laughed at the thought and turned back to my friends. Rei was giving Usage a lecture on acting like an adult now. Usagi was only half listening, her eyes were scanning the crowd looking for someone, probably her family. There were so many people on the field now, all of them pushing against each other as they looked for family and friends.
Suddenly her eyes lit up and she let out of a squeal of delight. I turned around to see if her family had arrived, but they had not. It was Mamoru was coming forth, a bouquet of red roses in his hand. He was smiling as he sort of ran/walked toward us and it was then that I knew.
" Knew what?" Dr. Miller asked bringing me back to the office.
" That I was in love with Mamoru. Well, no, wait, I think I had known for awhile that I was in love with him. I just kept it locked away inside me so no one knew. I didn't want to come to terms with it."
" So you never thought about it?" Dr. Miller asked me thoughtfully.
" Yea, like I said, I kept it locked away."
" Mamo-chan!" Usagi brushed past us and ran over to him. He gathered her up in his arms laughing and twirling her around in a hug.
I could only watch in a numb state that seemed to freeze my limbs to the ground. He then proceeded to kiss her and hand her the roses. " Congratulations Usako." He whispered as she raised her face for another kiss.
I turned away and bit my lip, hard. I wanted to feel a pain stronger then the one in my heart.
" It won't be long before they are married." Ami said softly watching the two of them together.
" To this day I still hate those words." Minako sat back in the couch and crossed her arms. They rang so true at the time and I will admit I was jealous.
" Did they get married?"
" I was dead jealous," I muttered then broke out of my daze. " No, they didn't get married. Something kept them from going to the alter although they did live together for a long time."
" They did?"
" Yea, they did."
After high school, I left for America. I was tired of Japan, I had bigger dreams, and America was where I was going to find them. My agent Jean set me up in California near Hollywood. I got a mediocre apartment and set up housekeeping. I went to auditions everyday and was soon getting bit parts. They were really small parts though mostly walk on's and commercials. I also did some singing to get money, you know anything to make a few bucks on the side. After a while it got sort of boring but there was nothing else. Then I got my big break."
Mina was painting her nails when the phone call came. She grumbled a few curses, waved her wet hand in the air and picked up the phone. " Hello this is Mina speaking."
" Mina? I'm glad I got you, I thought you might be busy." It was her agent Jean.
" Actually I am busy. I was painting my nails and I just smeared on of them," Mina replied in a grumpy tone.
" Ignore you're nails, we'll get someone else to do them. I've got bigger news to tell you."
" What?" Mina asked as she reached for the nail polish remover.
" You got the part!" Jean sounded so excited as she said this.
Mina sat still for a second her hand frozen in mid air. As the news registered in her mind she suddenly jumped off the chair and screamed into the phone. " I got it! I got it! You mean I got the lead in the movie!" She screamed all but forgetting about her wet nails.
" Yes! I just got the call, the director loved you, he wants to cast you in the lead role," Jean replied somewhat calmer voice although she to was excited.
"I had been Jean's first client." Mina rubbed an itch on her nose and sighed. "We were both newbies in the glitzy world of Hollywood so I can understand why she was excited."
" What happened to Jean?"
" Oh she became a big agent and now has all these really famous clients, it was right after the accident when she left."
" The accident?"
" Yea, it was all over the papers."
" I'm sorry but I must have missed that."
" You would, it was all over America but I don't think it got to Japan." Mina adjusted her skirt. " Nothing ever gets here."
" So tell me more about what happened after you got your big break."
" Well," Mina begin, her gaze once again drifting to the ceiling. " That night we went out to dinner and talked about the movie. I was cast in the lead as a hooker who is looking to get out of dismissal life. We talked over plates of spaghetti and Toni's. You know they had the best Italian food I have ever tasted."
" You were cast has a hooker?" Dr. Miller asked looking a little astounded.
" Yea, the movie was called After Time Stops, I don't know if you heard about it."
" I actually did, it was nominated for an American Oscar?"
" Yea it was!" Mina replied sounding excited. " For best picture but we lost to another movie."
" I'm sorry to hear that. How did you feel when that happened?"
" Not to good except I really didn't care. John the director was actually crying when they announced that another movie had won. Still he did get over it."
" I want to know, how did it make you feel?"
" Me? Well I did feel sorry for John, he had brought me as his date since he and his wife were getting a divorce at the time. He did get over it by the time we went to the after show parties. It was there that I met someone."
" Who did you meet Mina?"
"Alex, he was singer in a band I had never heard of, um what was it called? Oh yea Shattered Innocence! He was at one of the parties John and I went to that night." Mina giggled. " I remember how he came up to me and said if we didn't dance he would go crazy. After that we became a couple, it happened so fast that I can barely remember those whirl wind days."
" Were you happy with Alex?"
" Yea I was, he gave me security. Something I was looking for I found in him." Mina's eyes glazed over as she remembered those days. " After the movie I got cast in more roles. A lot of people had seen my work and wanted me in their movies. I became famous something I had wanted for a long time."
" Was fame everything you wanted it to be?"
" Yes and no." Mina looked down at her hands in her lap as she remembered those days.
It had been after her second movie release, a romantic comedy with Jon Cusak. Mina dared herself to glance out the window of the limo as they pulled up in front of the theatre. Crowds of people held back by red velvet ropes and a few security guards were screaming and waving autograph books while one of the actors from the movie walked up the red carpet.
" I don't know if I can do this," Mina sighed as she sat back in her seat and looked over at Alex.
" Just smile and wave, they'll love you no matter what," he replied and took a sip of his drink.
" If it will make you feel better Mina I can make you a drink." Jean leaned over from where she sat by the bar.
" Oh no! You know I don't drink." Mina replied shocked at the question.
" Make her a drink Jean she definetly needs one." Alex waved his hand towards the bar and took another sip of his own drink.
"Alex! I don't drink alcohol! Its bad for your body and your complexion!"
" Here take this, I made it for myself so its not to strong." Jean handed her a glass of clear liquid.
Mina took the glass and looked at it. She carefully judged it and decided that it didn't hurt to try she took a deep breath and drained the glass.
Alex smiled and raised his glass to her. " Good job! I told you if would do you good." " It wasn't too bad," Mina replied handing the empty glass to Jean. " It was actually kind of good."
" That was vodka and water you drank, it should really calm you down," Jean replied putting the empty glass down on the bar top.
" It was sweet, I thought all alcoholic drinks tasted nasty like beer does."
" Not all of them," Alex handed his drink to Jean. " You just have to get the right ones."
" Right," Mina replied as the door next to her was opened. A man held out his hand towards her while the crowds outside screamed louder.
" Well here goes nothing," Mina took his hand and climbed out of the car a smile plastered on her face as she begin to wave and blow kisses to the crowd. Jean climbed out next followed by Alex who took Mina's arm. Together the three of them begin to walk down the carpet stopping once to pose for the photographers before they disappeared into the theatre.
The memory faded like smoke from her mind as she came back into reality.
" I always hated those premiers all the fuss and everything. Still it was fun," Mina sighed and lowered her head to the side. " I guess it was Alex who kept me balanced through those early days when I was establishing my star."
" Where is Alex now?"
" I don't know, after the break up we lost touch. I guess he probably met someone else and now they are together laughing over my fall."
" Would you care to talk about your fall?" Dr. Miller asked moving the topic to a touchy subject.
" Sure, why not, everyone in America knows about it." Mina sighed and scratched her head. " After my second movie release I got into the dangerous underground life of Hollywood. Before then, and yes this true, I was the squeaky clean new starlet. Then Alex introduced me to the underground life and I got, well, sucked in."
Mina entered the club on the arm of Alex looking apprehensive and slightly scared. They said that some of the biggest stars came here but from the looks of the club the stars weren't giving money towards its upkeep.
" Are you sure we have to come here?" Mina whispered looking at the drugged out people around her.
" Relax Mina, its not that bad here. All kinds of people come here, its one of the hardest clubs to get into," Alex replied as he steered her over to a large table full of people.
" Hey man long time, no see." A guy dressed in a red coat raised his hand and slapped Yaten's in what could only be a guy's version of a handshake.
" Hey Bob we just saw each other earlier today." Alex turned to Mina who was hanging back a bit. " Guys, this is Mina, the girl I've been talking about."
" Hey Mina! It's nice to meet you." Bob shook her hand then gestured to the people around him. " This is Mia." A pretty Asian girl smiled and waved her hand at Mina. " Tim and Shawn." Another couple just barely nodded to her, they were lost in their own little world. " And this is Johnny, if you ever need anything he can hook you up."
Johnny smiled and handed her a small white card. " Call me on my cell or page me. I can hook you up with any type."
" Any type of what?" Mina asked taking the card in her hand.
The table was silent for a moment before they all burst into laughter. Mina blushed feeling that she had said something wrong.
" Drugs, Mina. Johnny here is a drug dealer," Alex replied.
" Oh, well I don't take drugs."
The table laughed again while Mina blushed even harder. Johnny stood up and put his arm around her. " Well then we'll have to introduce you to them," he whispered into her ear.
So I entered the world of drugs. Johnny became my drug dealer, he hooked me up with anything I wanted.
Mina struggled to open her eyes, they felt so heavy like weights were holding them down. She was laying on a couch, something warm and soft was laying next to her. Or was it a bed? She couldn't remember, everything was hazy.
She was lying on her back, her head pointed towards the ceiling. Mina felt the thing she was laying next to, it was a person, probably a man. That could only mean one thing. She had fallen asleep next to someone, probably Johnny. He had a habit of falling asleep in the same bed as her. Of course nothing had happened, or had something happened? She couldn't remember.
Mina tried to sit up but she had trouble, the room seemed to be moving the bed making it hard for her to sit still. The art of movement usually so easy to conquer by a normal person left her breathless and weak.
Light poured out of the open door way from the other room where the sound of lazy voices could be heard. It sounded like a womyn gasping out someone's name. Except the sounds were muffled, they sounded like they were coming from underneath ten feet of water.
Water, that made suddenly made hers stop rocking around and forced her to sit still. " Damn am I thirsty," Mina groaned as her head swam with pain at her sudden movement. She was still feeling the affects of the drugs.
Next to her Johnny snorted in his sleep. Mina turned to look at him and smiled. What ever had happened it had been good. She could just barely remember waking up to have him on top of her. Or was she on top of him? It didn't really matter. Mina ran one finger over his spine, feeling the bump and ridges of the skin. " I love you Johnny baby," she whispered before she swung her feet onto the ground and stood up. The want for water was getting stronger now.
Mina stumbled out of the bedroom, her body still felt a little out of place. Inside the other room the sounds became clearer and easier to hear. Mia and Alex sat sprawled out on the couch sharing a hit of weed. The room was filled with smoke and littered with bottles and bags.
Mina leaned against the doorway trying to remember why she had come in when she caught sight of the half-empty vodka bottle on the table. Suddenly her thirst came back to her. She stumbled forward and fell onto an empty chair.
The sounds of a womyn gasping became louder but she still could not see where it was coming from. All she really cared about was getting a drink. Mina picked up the bottle and raised it to her lips. She had always loved vodka, it was such a nice drink.
" Yo Mina don't hog all the liqueur," Mia groaned rolling her head towards Mina.
" Let her drink, it will do her good," Alex replied taking another hit.
Mina moved the bottle away from her lips. She was feeling great, the affects of the alcohol were already taking control. The room blurred then came back into focus. The sounds of the womyn gasping softened then became louder until they seemed to fill the room.
" Who the hell is making all that noise?" Mina asked looking around her for the source of the sound.
" That would be Tim and Shawn, they are getting it on again," Alex replied.
Mina reached over, took the weed from his hand, and took a hit. She could feel the smoke deep in her lungs as she inhaled. " Well could someone tell them that there is a bedroom or something where they can.can.do what ever they're doing."
" You were in the bedroom Mina. We could hear you from all the way in here. Oh Johnny, harder! Harder!"
Alex broke into a fit of laughter while Mia screamed out Johnny's name a few more times before breaking into laughter herself. Mina grinned and stood up shakily.
" I would just like to thank the academy for my award! I just want to say that yes, that was the best orgasm of my life."
Alex and Mia clapped the best they could while Shawn screamed something incomparable in the corner and fell silent.
Mina sat back down in her chair and took another hit. " Fuck, do you know what I need?" She asked.
" What? Mia asked lighting up another bong.
" A few lines of crack."
* * * * * * *
" So let me get this straight. You started sleeping with your drug dealer after he hooked up with drugs?" Dr. Miller asked as she removed her glasses and eyed Mina.
" Yep pretty much, it was sort of payment for him giving me drugs."
" And didn't you feel dirty or used or did you even know that those kind of parties are illegal?"
" I knew they were illegal but they happened so much. It was Hollywood. Everyone got high or drunk almost every night, I was just doing what I wanted. I was having fun."
" At the expense of your morals?"
" Now I know what I did what was wrong but at the time I thought it was right. I guess you can say I was looking for myself and through drugs I found it."
" Were you happy with yourself Mina? Do you think now that drugs are the answers to all your problems?
" Now I don't think so. Now I know it was a big mistake but at the time I thought it was okay. Then I hit rock bottom and everything changed.
Mina sat alone in her apartment listening to Shania Twain in the background. She poured some pills into her open hand and raised them to her mouth. One after another washed down a with a couple sips of alcohol. The pain would soon be gone and she could sleep. Mina raised the bottle of tequila or vodka or rum, whatever it was to her lips and took a deep drink. The coffee table was littered with bags of crack and weed. Lines of cocaine still lay untouched waiting for her to snort but she was to high to care.
How many weeks had it been since she had last seen Alex? Three? Four? It had been after their last fight, lately they had been fighting a lot lately, stupid petty fights about her drug intake and the relationship. Alex was starting to think she was taking to much drugs.
" Ha!" Mina laughed raising the bottle into the air. " I'll take as many drugs as I damn well please. Watch me now Alex! Watch me snort my life away you piece of-"
The doorbell rang blocking out her last words. Mina ignored it and took another drink but the doorbell rang again, this time more constant. Mina groaned some choice words but she did get up. The room swayed to the side knocking her to the ground. She hit her arm on the sharp edge of the coffee table. The wound begin to bleed but she ignored it and crawled forward.
The doorbell rang again followed by someone knocking loudly on the door.
" I'm coming! I'm coming!" Mina yelled waving a hand at the door. She pulled herself up and stumbled to the door. " Who is it?"
" Mina it's me Jean! Open up in there I think we need to talk!"
" Oh Jean! I haven't seen you in awhile! Where have you been darling?" Mina cried as she unlocked the door and opened it up.
Jean walked in and took one look around the place before letting her eyes fall on Mina. " Mina I've been trying to call you but your not answering your phone ." She stepped into the hallway and set down her bag.
" Phones are annoying," Mina replied as she closed the door and leaned against it.
" Well we need to talk. So I came over."
" Talk about what?" Mina asked shakily walking back to the other room.
" I got a call from the agency today. They're worried about what you. The agency said you need to clean your act up or your out of the contract." Jean followed Mina in to the other room. " You haven't made a movie in a year. All you've been doing lately is snorting drugs and hiding away. The cops are going to find you soon enough and then where will you be? Locked away in some prison rehabilitation center." Jean looked over the room which was littered and full of junk.
" Relax Jean," Mina replied waving her hand as if to dismiss her. " I'm fine, and if the agency wants me to make another crappy movie I will." Mina bent down to snort up another line but Jean was quicker. She ran forward, grabbed Mina's hand, and jerked her up off the couch.
" I'm sorry Mina but I've had enough of this. Your throwing your life away and it has to stop."
Mina wrenched her hand away from Jean and backed away. " What the hell? Can't a person snort up a line or two in peace?!" She cried stumbling slightly.
" Mina this has to stop! Your throwing your life away for drugs! This is not the way to go!"
" I'm not throwing my life away! Those drugs are not doing me any bad! In fact they are doing me good! I have found my peace! I have found me!" Mina yelled back.
" You have found nothing!" Jean moved forward as if to take Mina in her arms. "Listen to me, there is some much talent in you. I can see it and your fans see it. Just letting waste away for a couple lines of coke is not doing you any good. Listen to me Mina I can get you help. Just come with me."
" Oh shut up Jean!" Ina backed away towards the kitchen. " All you ever cared about was getting all the money you can from me. Don't deny it! I know its true! You don't care about me," Mina waved her arms in the air. " You only care about your crappy money!"
" Mina I can't believe your saying this." Jean looked down at the coffee table and spotted the empty medicine bottle. She reached down and picked it up then looked at Mina. " How many of these did you take?"
" It doesn't matter, it's not your business," Mina replied crossing her arms.
Jean read the label then looked up at Mina. " These are very powerful sleeping drugs." Jean's eyes widened. " Mina did you overdose?"
Mina shrugged and looked away.
" Oh god! We have to get you to a hospital!"
" A hospital? Forget it, I'm not going anywhere!" Mina cried stepping forward to push Jean out of the room but she stopped and stood still. Her hands came up to clutch her arms as she begin to shudder and shake.
Jean stood back for a second before running forward and catching Mina as she fell. Spittle was dribbling from her mouth and she was crying with pain.
" Jean help me! I don't want to die!" Mina cried as Jean lay her gently on the floor and stood up. " I'm going to die!" Mina cried as her body withered and shook on the floor.
" Your not going to die! Not if I can help it," Jean replied as she ran to the phone and begin punching in numbers. " Hello 911?"
" I had alcohol poisoning coupled with the amounts of the sleeping pills I had I had been taking. If Jean hadn't been there I would have died. Luckily she was and I was allowed to live. The ambulance took me to the hospital and pumped my stomach. I was so close to dying." Mina paused to wipe away the tears staining her cheeks. " I stayed in the hospital for three days before joining a drug rehab program."
" How long have you been drug free?"
" A year now. Its still hard to realize that I wasted so much of my life on drugs but I did. Still now I feel a lot better then I did during that time."
" What happened after you got out of the program?" Dr. Miller asked quietly.
" I quit America. I came back here to Japan and went back to living with my parents. It was then that I came into the second phase of my life."
Look for the next part coming next week. In the mean time please read and review or send all comments, questions, suggestions, and flames to Saphrians_Water_Reflection@hotmail.com. Thank you.
Part One By A Shot of Amber
After watching a few hours of Sailor Moon one weekend, I got an idea for this story. It has to do with the senshi after High School and in alternate universe where they don't have their senshi powers. I hope you enjoy, and please remember to read and review or send all comments, questions, suggestions, and flames to Saphrians_Water_Reflection@hotmail.com.
Switching Identities Part One
The sun was out that day, it was shining so brightly down. Not a cloud in the pristine blue sky, just the sun shining down. It filtered through the trees onto the tiny plot of land. A small grave. Her coffin was made of white wood and trimmed with gilt. An arrangement of yellow roses lay on top, a gift from Makoto. She had always loved yellow roses more than any other flower. Now she would be buried with them.
We stood around the coffin, everyone was dressed in black. Handkerchiefs bloomed in gloved hands as the priest's voice droned on and on. Ashes to ashes dust to dust. She would be lowered into that grave and soon forgotten only to lie underneath a green carpet of grass.
I smiled secretly with the glee of it all.
Minako stepped forward and threw one last flower down onto the lowering coffin, a deep blood red rose. She paused to wipe away the tears gathering in her eyes. A dramatic affect before stepping back to stand next to Mamoru. He carefully placed one arm around her pulling her close and whispered into her hair.
" It will be okay Usako."
The office was stately done in dark wooden tones with splashes of green here and there. I let myself into the empty waiting room and walked up to the secretary sitting at the desk.
" I'm here for my two o'clock appointment with the doctor."
The secretary looked up from her fashion magazine just long enough to flip through the calendar on the desk and nod. " Just have a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly."
As if Calvin Klein and fashion models are more important then me. Although I wondered if there was a picture of me from last photo shoot, it couldn't have been that long ago. Maybe two or three months.
I took a seat on the couch by the window and picked up a magazine to read. It was an old copy of people magazine. I would be in there somewhere, caught and frozen on tape. Yep there it was, a picture of me outside a LA club. What night had that been? I couldn't remember. Yet, there I was flicking off the camera and screaming obscenities. The headline underneath brought out the faint shadow of a smile. "The very drunk Minako Anio salutes American life with one finger."
Yea, America was great but its not as great as what I have now. Its not as great as having.
" Miss Anio?"
I looked up from the magazine to see Dr. Miller standing there smiling down at me. She was in her mid forties, short shoulder length brown hair, dulling wire rimmed glasses, and a conservative blue suit.
I shut the magazine and stood up leaving it laying on the couch below me. " Hi Dr. Miller, I'm sorry I didn't see you come in."
" That is fine, if you want, follow me up to my office so we can talk."
Why do people say want? It's not as if I have any choice in the manner of talking to her.
Dr. Miller turned and walked up the creaky wooden stairs of the old house that was now her office. I followed behind her holding onto the wooden railing scarred by so many years of life. Upstairs was a maze of closed doors in the small hallway. Her door was the only open ushering me into a crème colored room filled with soft splashes of color. It had a calming affect over me as I sank down onto the couch and laid my purse on the floor.
" Now your agent, Jean sent you here to see me, is that correct?" Dr. Miller sat down in a black leather chair and picked up a folder laying on her desk.
" Jean thinks I need some counseling to work out my troubled life."
" I guess the rock star life is not all it's cut up to be. Your file says you just got out of rehab for a narcotics addiction." Dr. Miller looked over her glasses giving me what could only be a disapproving look.
" I was addicted to sleeping pills and cocaine. Not really good especially when paired with all the alcohol I was consuming. I must have put away easily a gallon of liquor a day." I grinned with remembrance of those old parties and the free booze that was everywhere in the end.
Dr. Miller did not smile, instead she set down my file and picked up a black notebook. " Mina, may I call you Mina?"
" Yes! Of course that's what everyone calls me," I replied coming out of my dream world.
" Today I would like to talk about your past. Shinsei said that there was something bothering you in the end. He thinks your suffering from depression, which can be quite common in the glitzy world you come from, still I would like to get to the bottom of everything before I give you a diagnosis."
" It's a dark world. Are you sure you want to see it?" I asked quietly thinking back to the last few years.
" Yes I do."
" Alright, I'll start from the beginning. It's always the best."
Dr. Miller opened up her notebook and clicked her pen. She was posed and ready. I was not. I didn't want to go back. I was happy now, but I closed my eyes and let the office disappear. Colors blurred away and the years slipped away back to the beginning.
* * * * * * *
Usagi was the first one to get to me. Her blond hair waving in the hair as she ran over and threw her arms around me.
" We made it Minako! We made it!"
I laughed and hugged Usagi back. The happiness she seemed to radiate was contagious.
" Of course we made it baka, we're the best!" I raised my diploma in the air to prove my point.
" Minna!" Makoto ran towards us barreling through people. Her diploma was clutched in one hand, her hat in the other. Usagi and I ran forward towards her. We collided in a group hug, everyone laughing and talking at once.
Slightly behind us were Rei and Ami. They walked up slowly, Ami blushing still from all the comments coming from all directions. She had been class valedictorian. A great honor to be number one in the school. All through the ceremony she had blushed bright red while she sat next the principal and then later gave her speech, her small voice echoing throughout the crowd.
" Ami!" Usagi squealed and let go of us to run over to Ami. " We did it! We graduated!"
Ami laughed and tried to maintain her balance while Usagi jumped up and down with the excitement of it all.
I turned away from them to look over the field, crowds of students were milling around. Already the parents has started to trickle down from the stands to find their student. I knew somewhere my mom and dad were up there. Perhaps they had sat with Usagi's and Mamoru. I knew Mamoru would be here. He wouldn't have missed this for the world, Usagi would have been so mad at him.
I laughed at the thought and turned back to my friends. Rei was giving Usage a lecture on acting like an adult now. Usagi was only half listening, her eyes were scanning the crowd looking for someone, probably her family. There were so many people on the field now, all of them pushing against each other as they looked for family and friends.
Suddenly her eyes lit up and she let out of a squeal of delight. I turned around to see if her family had arrived, but they had not. It was Mamoru was coming forth, a bouquet of red roses in his hand. He was smiling as he sort of ran/walked toward us and it was then that I knew.
" Knew what?" Dr. Miller asked bringing me back to the office.
" That I was in love with Mamoru. Well, no, wait, I think I had known for awhile that I was in love with him. I just kept it locked away inside me so no one knew. I didn't want to come to terms with it."
" So you never thought about it?" Dr. Miller asked me thoughtfully.
" Yea, like I said, I kept it locked away."
" Mamo-chan!" Usagi brushed past us and ran over to him. He gathered her up in his arms laughing and twirling her around in a hug.
I could only watch in a numb state that seemed to freeze my limbs to the ground. He then proceeded to kiss her and hand her the roses. " Congratulations Usako." He whispered as she raised her face for another kiss.
I turned away and bit my lip, hard. I wanted to feel a pain stronger then the one in my heart.
" It won't be long before they are married." Ami said softly watching the two of them together.
" To this day I still hate those words." Minako sat back in the couch and crossed her arms. They rang so true at the time and I will admit I was jealous.
" Did they get married?"
" I was dead jealous," I muttered then broke out of my daze. " No, they didn't get married. Something kept them from going to the alter although they did live together for a long time."
" They did?"
" Yea, they did."
After high school, I left for America. I was tired of Japan, I had bigger dreams, and America was where I was going to find them. My agent Jean set me up in California near Hollywood. I got a mediocre apartment and set up housekeeping. I went to auditions everyday and was soon getting bit parts. They were really small parts though mostly walk on's and commercials. I also did some singing to get money, you know anything to make a few bucks on the side. After a while it got sort of boring but there was nothing else. Then I got my big break."
Mina was painting her nails when the phone call came. She grumbled a few curses, waved her wet hand in the air and picked up the phone. " Hello this is Mina speaking."
" Mina? I'm glad I got you, I thought you might be busy." It was her agent Jean.
" Actually I am busy. I was painting my nails and I just smeared on of them," Mina replied in a grumpy tone.
" Ignore you're nails, we'll get someone else to do them. I've got bigger news to tell you."
" What?" Mina asked as she reached for the nail polish remover.
" You got the part!" Jean sounded so excited as she said this.
Mina sat still for a second her hand frozen in mid air. As the news registered in her mind she suddenly jumped off the chair and screamed into the phone. " I got it! I got it! You mean I got the lead in the movie!" She screamed all but forgetting about her wet nails.
" Yes! I just got the call, the director loved you, he wants to cast you in the lead role," Jean replied somewhat calmer voice although she to was excited.
"I had been Jean's first client." Mina rubbed an itch on her nose and sighed. "We were both newbies in the glitzy world of Hollywood so I can understand why she was excited."
" What happened to Jean?"
" Oh she became a big agent and now has all these really famous clients, it was right after the accident when she left."
" The accident?"
" Yea, it was all over the papers."
" I'm sorry but I must have missed that."
" You would, it was all over America but I don't think it got to Japan." Mina adjusted her skirt. " Nothing ever gets here."
" So tell me more about what happened after you got your big break."
" Well," Mina begin, her gaze once again drifting to the ceiling. " That night we went out to dinner and talked about the movie. I was cast in the lead as a hooker who is looking to get out of dismissal life. We talked over plates of spaghetti and Toni's. You know they had the best Italian food I have ever tasted."
" You were cast has a hooker?" Dr. Miller asked looking a little astounded.
" Yea, the movie was called After Time Stops, I don't know if you heard about it."
" I actually did, it was nominated for an American Oscar?"
" Yea it was!" Mina replied sounding excited. " For best picture but we lost to another movie."
" I'm sorry to hear that. How did you feel when that happened?"
" Not to good except I really didn't care. John the director was actually crying when they announced that another movie had won. Still he did get over it."
" I want to know, how did it make you feel?"
" Me? Well I did feel sorry for John, he had brought me as his date since he and his wife were getting a divorce at the time. He did get over it by the time we went to the after show parties. It was there that I met someone."
" Who did you meet Mina?"
"Alex, he was singer in a band I had never heard of, um what was it called? Oh yea Shattered Innocence! He was at one of the parties John and I went to that night." Mina giggled. " I remember how he came up to me and said if we didn't dance he would go crazy. After that we became a couple, it happened so fast that I can barely remember those whirl wind days."
" Were you happy with Alex?"
" Yea I was, he gave me security. Something I was looking for I found in him." Mina's eyes glazed over as she remembered those days. " After the movie I got cast in more roles. A lot of people had seen my work and wanted me in their movies. I became famous something I had wanted for a long time."
" Was fame everything you wanted it to be?"
" Yes and no." Mina looked down at her hands in her lap as she remembered those days.
It had been after her second movie release, a romantic comedy with Jon Cusak. Mina dared herself to glance out the window of the limo as they pulled up in front of the theatre. Crowds of people held back by red velvet ropes and a few security guards were screaming and waving autograph books while one of the actors from the movie walked up the red carpet.
" I don't know if I can do this," Mina sighed as she sat back in her seat and looked over at Alex.
" Just smile and wave, they'll love you no matter what," he replied and took a sip of his drink.
" If it will make you feel better Mina I can make you a drink." Jean leaned over from where she sat by the bar.
" Oh no! You know I don't drink." Mina replied shocked at the question.
" Make her a drink Jean she definetly needs one." Alex waved his hand towards the bar and took another sip of his own drink.
"Alex! I don't drink alcohol! Its bad for your body and your complexion!"
" Here take this, I made it for myself so its not to strong." Jean handed her a glass of clear liquid.
Mina took the glass and looked at it. She carefully judged it and decided that it didn't hurt to try she took a deep breath and drained the glass.
Alex smiled and raised his glass to her. " Good job! I told you if would do you good." " It wasn't too bad," Mina replied handing the empty glass to Jean. " It was actually kind of good."
" That was vodka and water you drank, it should really calm you down," Jean replied putting the empty glass down on the bar top.
" It was sweet, I thought all alcoholic drinks tasted nasty like beer does."
" Not all of them," Alex handed his drink to Jean. " You just have to get the right ones."
" Right," Mina replied as the door next to her was opened. A man held out his hand towards her while the crowds outside screamed louder.
" Well here goes nothing," Mina took his hand and climbed out of the car a smile plastered on her face as she begin to wave and blow kisses to the crowd. Jean climbed out next followed by Alex who took Mina's arm. Together the three of them begin to walk down the carpet stopping once to pose for the photographers before they disappeared into the theatre.
The memory faded like smoke from her mind as she came back into reality.
" I always hated those premiers all the fuss and everything. Still it was fun," Mina sighed and lowered her head to the side. " I guess it was Alex who kept me balanced through those early days when I was establishing my star."
" Where is Alex now?"
" I don't know, after the break up we lost touch. I guess he probably met someone else and now they are together laughing over my fall."
" Would you care to talk about your fall?" Dr. Miller asked moving the topic to a touchy subject.
" Sure, why not, everyone in America knows about it." Mina sighed and scratched her head. " After my second movie release I got into the dangerous underground life of Hollywood. Before then, and yes this true, I was the squeaky clean new starlet. Then Alex introduced me to the underground life and I got, well, sucked in."
Mina entered the club on the arm of Alex looking apprehensive and slightly scared. They said that some of the biggest stars came here but from the looks of the club the stars weren't giving money towards its upkeep.
" Are you sure we have to come here?" Mina whispered looking at the drugged out people around her.
" Relax Mina, its not that bad here. All kinds of people come here, its one of the hardest clubs to get into," Alex replied as he steered her over to a large table full of people.
" Hey man long time, no see." A guy dressed in a red coat raised his hand and slapped Yaten's in what could only be a guy's version of a handshake.
" Hey Bob we just saw each other earlier today." Alex turned to Mina who was hanging back a bit. " Guys, this is Mina, the girl I've been talking about."
" Hey Mina! It's nice to meet you." Bob shook her hand then gestured to the people around him. " This is Mia." A pretty Asian girl smiled and waved her hand at Mina. " Tim and Shawn." Another couple just barely nodded to her, they were lost in their own little world. " And this is Johnny, if you ever need anything he can hook you up."
Johnny smiled and handed her a small white card. " Call me on my cell or page me. I can hook you up with any type."
" Any type of what?" Mina asked taking the card in her hand.
The table was silent for a moment before they all burst into laughter. Mina blushed feeling that she had said something wrong.
" Drugs, Mina. Johnny here is a drug dealer," Alex replied.
" Oh, well I don't take drugs."
The table laughed again while Mina blushed even harder. Johnny stood up and put his arm around her. " Well then we'll have to introduce you to them," he whispered into her ear.
So I entered the world of drugs. Johnny became my drug dealer, he hooked me up with anything I wanted.
Mina struggled to open her eyes, they felt so heavy like weights were holding them down. She was laying on a couch, something warm and soft was laying next to her. Or was it a bed? She couldn't remember, everything was hazy.
She was lying on her back, her head pointed towards the ceiling. Mina felt the thing she was laying next to, it was a person, probably a man. That could only mean one thing. She had fallen asleep next to someone, probably Johnny. He had a habit of falling asleep in the same bed as her. Of course nothing had happened, or had something happened? She couldn't remember.
Mina tried to sit up but she had trouble, the room seemed to be moving the bed making it hard for her to sit still. The art of movement usually so easy to conquer by a normal person left her breathless and weak.
Light poured out of the open door way from the other room where the sound of lazy voices could be heard. It sounded like a womyn gasping out someone's name. Except the sounds were muffled, they sounded like they were coming from underneath ten feet of water.
Water, that made suddenly made hers stop rocking around and forced her to sit still. " Damn am I thirsty," Mina groaned as her head swam with pain at her sudden movement. She was still feeling the affects of the drugs.
Next to her Johnny snorted in his sleep. Mina turned to look at him and smiled. What ever had happened it had been good. She could just barely remember waking up to have him on top of her. Or was she on top of him? It didn't really matter. Mina ran one finger over his spine, feeling the bump and ridges of the skin. " I love you Johnny baby," she whispered before she swung her feet onto the ground and stood up. The want for water was getting stronger now.
Mina stumbled out of the bedroom, her body still felt a little out of place. Inside the other room the sounds became clearer and easier to hear. Mia and Alex sat sprawled out on the couch sharing a hit of weed. The room was filled with smoke and littered with bottles and bags.
Mina leaned against the doorway trying to remember why she had come in when she caught sight of the half-empty vodka bottle on the table. Suddenly her thirst came back to her. She stumbled forward and fell onto an empty chair.
The sounds of a womyn gasping became louder but she still could not see where it was coming from. All she really cared about was getting a drink. Mina picked up the bottle and raised it to her lips. She had always loved vodka, it was such a nice drink.
" Yo Mina don't hog all the liqueur," Mia groaned rolling her head towards Mina.
" Let her drink, it will do her good," Alex replied taking another hit.
Mina moved the bottle away from her lips. She was feeling great, the affects of the alcohol were already taking control. The room blurred then came back into focus. The sounds of the womyn gasping softened then became louder until they seemed to fill the room.
" Who the hell is making all that noise?" Mina asked looking around her for the source of the sound.
" That would be Tim and Shawn, they are getting it on again," Alex replied.
Mina reached over, took the weed from his hand, and took a hit. She could feel the smoke deep in her lungs as she inhaled. " Well could someone tell them that there is a bedroom or something where they can.can.do what ever they're doing."
" You were in the bedroom Mina. We could hear you from all the way in here. Oh Johnny, harder! Harder!"
Alex broke into a fit of laughter while Mia screamed out Johnny's name a few more times before breaking into laughter herself. Mina grinned and stood up shakily.
" I would just like to thank the academy for my award! I just want to say that yes, that was the best orgasm of my life."
Alex and Mia clapped the best they could while Shawn screamed something incomparable in the corner and fell silent.
Mina sat back down in her chair and took another hit. " Fuck, do you know what I need?" She asked.
" What? Mia asked lighting up another bong.
" A few lines of crack."
* * * * * * *
" So let me get this straight. You started sleeping with your drug dealer after he hooked up with drugs?" Dr. Miller asked as she removed her glasses and eyed Mina.
" Yep pretty much, it was sort of payment for him giving me drugs."
" And didn't you feel dirty or used or did you even know that those kind of parties are illegal?"
" I knew they were illegal but they happened so much. It was Hollywood. Everyone got high or drunk almost every night, I was just doing what I wanted. I was having fun."
" At the expense of your morals?"
" Now I know what I did what was wrong but at the time I thought it was right. I guess you can say I was looking for myself and through drugs I found it."
" Were you happy with yourself Mina? Do you think now that drugs are the answers to all your problems?
" Now I don't think so. Now I know it was a big mistake but at the time I thought it was okay. Then I hit rock bottom and everything changed.
Mina sat alone in her apartment listening to Shania Twain in the background. She poured some pills into her open hand and raised them to her mouth. One after another washed down a with a couple sips of alcohol. The pain would soon be gone and she could sleep. Mina raised the bottle of tequila or vodka or rum, whatever it was to her lips and took a deep drink. The coffee table was littered with bags of crack and weed. Lines of cocaine still lay untouched waiting for her to snort but she was to high to care.
How many weeks had it been since she had last seen Alex? Three? Four? It had been after their last fight, lately they had been fighting a lot lately, stupid petty fights about her drug intake and the relationship. Alex was starting to think she was taking to much drugs.
" Ha!" Mina laughed raising the bottle into the air. " I'll take as many drugs as I damn well please. Watch me now Alex! Watch me snort my life away you piece of-"
The doorbell rang blocking out her last words. Mina ignored it and took another drink but the doorbell rang again, this time more constant. Mina groaned some choice words but she did get up. The room swayed to the side knocking her to the ground. She hit her arm on the sharp edge of the coffee table. The wound begin to bleed but she ignored it and crawled forward.
The doorbell rang again followed by someone knocking loudly on the door.
" I'm coming! I'm coming!" Mina yelled waving a hand at the door. She pulled herself up and stumbled to the door. " Who is it?"
" Mina it's me Jean! Open up in there I think we need to talk!"
" Oh Jean! I haven't seen you in awhile! Where have you been darling?" Mina cried as she unlocked the door and opened it up.
Jean walked in and took one look around the place before letting her eyes fall on Mina. " Mina I've been trying to call you but your not answering your phone ." She stepped into the hallway and set down her bag.
" Phones are annoying," Mina replied as she closed the door and leaned against it.
" Well we need to talk. So I came over."
" Talk about what?" Mina asked shakily walking back to the other room.
" I got a call from the agency today. They're worried about what you. The agency said you need to clean your act up or your out of the contract." Jean followed Mina in to the other room. " You haven't made a movie in a year. All you've been doing lately is snorting drugs and hiding away. The cops are going to find you soon enough and then where will you be? Locked away in some prison rehabilitation center." Jean looked over the room which was littered and full of junk.
" Relax Jean," Mina replied waving her hand as if to dismiss her. " I'm fine, and if the agency wants me to make another crappy movie I will." Mina bent down to snort up another line but Jean was quicker. She ran forward, grabbed Mina's hand, and jerked her up off the couch.
" I'm sorry Mina but I've had enough of this. Your throwing your life away and it has to stop."
Mina wrenched her hand away from Jean and backed away. " What the hell? Can't a person snort up a line or two in peace?!" She cried stumbling slightly.
" Mina this has to stop! Your throwing your life away for drugs! This is not the way to go!"
" I'm not throwing my life away! Those drugs are not doing me any bad! In fact they are doing me good! I have found my peace! I have found me!" Mina yelled back.
" You have found nothing!" Jean moved forward as if to take Mina in her arms. "Listen to me, there is some much talent in you. I can see it and your fans see it. Just letting waste away for a couple lines of coke is not doing you any good. Listen to me Mina I can get you help. Just come with me."
" Oh shut up Jean!" Ina backed away towards the kitchen. " All you ever cared about was getting all the money you can from me. Don't deny it! I know its true! You don't care about me," Mina waved her arms in the air. " You only care about your crappy money!"
" Mina I can't believe your saying this." Jean looked down at the coffee table and spotted the empty medicine bottle. She reached down and picked it up then looked at Mina. " How many of these did you take?"
" It doesn't matter, it's not your business," Mina replied crossing her arms.
Jean read the label then looked up at Mina. " These are very powerful sleeping drugs." Jean's eyes widened. " Mina did you overdose?"
Mina shrugged and looked away.
" Oh god! We have to get you to a hospital!"
" A hospital? Forget it, I'm not going anywhere!" Mina cried stepping forward to push Jean out of the room but she stopped and stood still. Her hands came up to clutch her arms as she begin to shudder and shake.
Jean stood back for a second before running forward and catching Mina as she fell. Spittle was dribbling from her mouth and she was crying with pain.
" Jean help me! I don't want to die!" Mina cried as Jean lay her gently on the floor and stood up. " I'm going to die!" Mina cried as her body withered and shook on the floor.
" Your not going to die! Not if I can help it," Jean replied as she ran to the phone and begin punching in numbers. " Hello 911?"
" I had alcohol poisoning coupled with the amounts of the sleeping pills I had I had been taking. If Jean hadn't been there I would have died. Luckily she was and I was allowed to live. The ambulance took me to the hospital and pumped my stomach. I was so close to dying." Mina paused to wipe away the tears staining her cheeks. " I stayed in the hospital for three days before joining a drug rehab program."
" How long have you been drug free?"
" A year now. Its still hard to realize that I wasted so much of my life on drugs but I did. Still now I feel a lot better then I did during that time."
" What happened after you got out of the program?" Dr. Miller asked quietly.
" I quit America. I came back here to Japan and went back to living with my parents. It was then that I came into the second phase of my life."
Look for the next part coming next week. In the mean time please read and review or send all comments, questions, suggestions, and flames to Saphrians_Water_Reflection@hotmail.com. Thank you.