Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned
By DbzChick
Discalimer- DO NOT OWN POTHEAD!
Starz- Helllooo everyone! This is Starz here to introduce to you..
*takes deep breath*
AnotherlongandstupidHarryPotterfanficwrittenbyanextremelyboredandhypergirlwh oenjoysmakingandfunofthingsthathasneverwrittenahumourfictionbeforebutwantsto trybutwillprobablyendupgetting *SCREAMS* FLAMED TO DEATH! besidesthefactitprobablywon'tendupbeingtofunnybutatleastitwillbeamusingorjus tplaindumbandreallyinmaturebutthatsokanywaysatleastitwillbeamusingright right?
Well because that will take you a month to a year to figure out, please just skip it and let's start with the show.
*curtain drops*
~*Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned*~
Harry- God damn it, I don't want to sleep with you Hermio..oh we're starting already? Can't you see we're not ready yet?!
(Hermione backs away from Harry with a corny fake smile on her face)
TAKE TWO
*curtain drops*
~*Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned*~
(Harry's in the closest staring at a clock that reads 4:18)
Harry in distress- Fuck you, you stupid fucking Durley's! If you don't let me out of this closet I'll go nuts!
(Begins pounding on the door)
Harry- Oh Kami!
(Mutters Kami?)
Harry- If you don't let me out of here I won't be able to um.. um.. do my homework at this sacred time! I promise I won't come home with a prostitute again!
(Vernon opens door)
Vernon- I don't know how the hell you fit that slut in your closet but I do know you came home so drunk you had two chickens on your head and a piecing on your.. well never mind. We'll be having the whole thing removed later. Good luck begging your sorry ass out of here.
(Harry goes white and Vernon slams the door in his face)
Harry- It's going to be 4:20 in a minute! You have to let me out; I have to smoke! You can chop it off; just give me a roach!
(Gets a crazy look on his face and starts rocking back and forth)
Harry- One minute..one minute..only one minute..
(Hears a big crash at the entrance of the house)
Harry- HOLY SHIT
(Door flies open)
Hagrid- Hello Harry! It's me Hagrid, I'm here to invite you to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. Here's your letter..
(Notices paper is made out of hemp, grabs for it, and lights up just as the clock strikes 4:20)
Hagrid- Um Harry.. I don't think you can get high from that.
(Covers Hagrid's mouth and takes a toke)
Harry- Shhh, don't wreak it for me.
(Grins like an idiot and does the Macarena randomly)
Hagrid- O.o;;
Harry- Anyways who the hell are you and what do you want?
Hagrid- I'm Hagrid and I'm here to tell ya ur a wizard Harry!
Harry- Damn, this is some good shit! Are you sure there isn't shrooms in this?
(Gives Harry a funny look)
Hagrid- I can't help but notice ur in a closet Harry. Why's that?
Harry- The Dursley's wouldn't let me relieve my sexual frustrations Mr. Hagrid sir! So they stuck me in this closet and told me to fuck myself. I almost did.
(Cries fakely)
Hagrid- Oh God that's terrible!
(Turns to Dudley and turns him into a transvestite. Vernon and Petunia screaming in terror) **HERE COME THE FLAMES! SORRY PEEPS**
Dudley- No Mom, it's not a big deal really.
(Smiles and admires himself in the mirror)
Dudley- I could really go for this look!
Harry- Ya, actually it really does suit you.
(Petunia and Vernon are still running around in circles and screaming franticly)
Hagrid- Well we better get going Harry. You have tons of supplies to buy before 1st term starts.
Harry- Ditto, hallucinative man!! Let's go and buy those 'supplies' you're talking about.
(Both walk through the screaming idiotic Dursley's and head out the door)
*curtains close*
Starz- Well what do you think? That is my first humorous story. Should I continue or stick to angst?
Harry- Well sorry for any offense we caused anyone. Most humor stories are offensive and immature. That's what makes em risky.
Starz- *watches as the flames start rolling in and shovels them into a fire*
Starz- Well on final note, have a nice day ^-^ and remember not to smoke drugs! Sugar highs are better :P
Discalimer- DO NOT OWN POTHEAD!
Starz- Helllooo everyone! This is Starz here to introduce to you..
*takes deep breath*
AnotherlongandstupidHarryPotterfanficwrittenbyanextremelyboredandhypergirlwh oenjoysmakingandfunofthingsthathasneverwrittenahumourfictionbeforebutwantsto trybutwillprobablyendupgetting *SCREAMS* FLAMED TO DEATH! besidesthefactitprobablywon'tendupbeingtofunnybutatleastitwillbeamusingorjus tplaindumbandreallyinmaturebutthatsokanywaysatleastitwillbeamusingright right?
Well because that will take you a month to a year to figure out, please just skip it and let's start with the show.
*curtain drops*
~*Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned*~
Harry- God damn it, I don't want to sleep with you Hermio..oh we're starting already? Can't you see we're not ready yet?!
(Hermione backs away from Harry with a corny fake smile on her face)
TAKE TWO
*curtain drops*
~*Harry Pothead and the Philosopher's Stoned*~
(Harry's in the closest staring at a clock that reads 4:18)
Harry in distress- Fuck you, you stupid fucking Durley's! If you don't let me out of this closet I'll go nuts!
(Begins pounding on the door)
Harry- Oh Kami!
(Mutters Kami?)
Harry- If you don't let me out of here I won't be able to um.. um.. do my homework at this sacred time! I promise I won't come home with a prostitute again!
(Vernon opens door)
Vernon- I don't know how the hell you fit that slut in your closet but I do know you came home so drunk you had two chickens on your head and a piecing on your.. well never mind. We'll be having the whole thing removed later. Good luck begging your sorry ass out of here.
(Harry goes white and Vernon slams the door in his face)
Harry- It's going to be 4:20 in a minute! You have to let me out; I have to smoke! You can chop it off; just give me a roach!
(Gets a crazy look on his face and starts rocking back and forth)
Harry- One minute..one minute..only one minute..
(Hears a big crash at the entrance of the house)
Harry- HOLY SHIT
(Door flies open)
Hagrid- Hello Harry! It's me Hagrid, I'm here to invite you to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. Here's your letter..
(Notices paper is made out of hemp, grabs for it, and lights up just as the clock strikes 4:20)
Hagrid- Um Harry.. I don't think you can get high from that.
(Covers Hagrid's mouth and takes a toke)
Harry- Shhh, don't wreak it for me.
(Grins like an idiot and does the Macarena randomly)
Hagrid- O.o;;
Harry- Anyways who the hell are you and what do you want?
Hagrid- I'm Hagrid and I'm here to tell ya ur a wizard Harry!
Harry- Damn, this is some good shit! Are you sure there isn't shrooms in this?
(Gives Harry a funny look)
Hagrid- I can't help but notice ur in a closet Harry. Why's that?
Harry- The Dursley's wouldn't let me relieve my sexual frustrations Mr. Hagrid sir! So they stuck me in this closet and told me to fuck myself. I almost did.
(Cries fakely)
Hagrid- Oh God that's terrible!
(Turns to Dudley and turns him into a transvestite. Vernon and Petunia screaming in terror) **HERE COME THE FLAMES! SORRY PEEPS**
Dudley- No Mom, it's not a big deal really.
(Smiles and admires himself in the mirror)
Dudley- I could really go for this look!
Harry- Ya, actually it really does suit you.
(Petunia and Vernon are still running around in circles and screaming franticly)
Hagrid- Well we better get going Harry. You have tons of supplies to buy before 1st term starts.
Harry- Ditto, hallucinative man!! Let's go and buy those 'supplies' you're talking about.
(Both walk through the screaming idiotic Dursley's and head out the door)
*curtains close*
Starz- Well what do you think? That is my first humorous story. Should I continue or stick to angst?
Harry- Well sorry for any offense we caused anyone. Most humor stories are offensive and immature. That's what makes em risky.
Starz- *watches as the flames start rolling in and shovels them into a fire*
Starz- Well on final note, have a nice day ^-^ and remember not to smoke drugs! Sugar highs are better :P