The autumn storm proved to be the calling card of winter, and with the rains came a biting cold and an end of the Recovery's ideal days.
Reno finally settled onto the floor of his tent, one hand draped over his eyes, with his last cigarette clasped between his fingers. Reeve had even fewer blankets than he did rations for the Recovery, but what Reno needed to warm him up was not going to be found on this half of the continent - not that he could afford a shot of anything, anyway.
The tent flap slid open and Reno brought his hand up in an informal wave. When he got no reply, he popped an eye open and was surprised to see, not the stooped, square-shouldered silhouette of either of the guys he was tenting with, but an hourglass figure highlighted by the waxing moon behind it.
He was standing in an instant, red hair loose and flying around his face. She was supposed to be dead or in a coma or something, but not wandering around the Recovery in freezing weather. Reno started to invite her in, but Tifa stopped him with a gesture, her lips shaking with the attempt to stay warm.
"You said that I was dead, that I needed to be living."
He moved closer, "Tifa, I -"
Her voice rose to a frantic pitch, while she spoke with the wild eyes of a girl lost in a lightning storm, "I thought, you know, I thought that it would be alright. Avalanche would make it all right. Midgar, Meteor... it was our fault, wasn't it? Wasn't it?" She screamed out the question as tears began to flow down her face, "After everything we'd suffered, why wasn't it enough? I thought 'Keep helping, it'll make everything alright'. But it didn't. The hurt never went away. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want it to go away. Reno, does it go away?"
Shaking and sobbing, she fell into his arms and he held her, held her through most of the night. Maybe she was delusional or maybe just tired, but Reno couldn't shake the pleasure of being a pillar of strength for somebody. Especially someone he... liked so much. It'd been too long since that'd happened.
Her words were incoherant, insane mutterings of light and life and that dead flower girl. Reno began to worry for her mental state; that mission must have pushed her over the edge. Damn it, it wasn't supposed to be this way!
He laid her on his cot, and Reno made a whispered, moonlight promise to stand by her, no matter what. And then he fell asleep, waking to an empty bed and a bright sun overhead.
Tifa left at dawn, having had enough sleep in the past few weeks to last her a lifetime. She remembered everything of the night before - waking up alone in a Med tent and walking like a woman possessed to find Reno, driven by an intense need (...guilt...) to apologize. Near-death does that to people. The emotional dumping just kinda happened. It was Reno's words that pulled her through that last battle and in her semi-dazed state, he was the most likely person to help her. (... some role model I picked...) He was a survivor. Her materia exhaustion was fatally severe, but she survived. It made Tifa think she had reserves of strength that she hadn't even begun to tap, and if she continued her life as a Recoverer, she would commit suicide before she ever did.
So when Tifa walked into Reeve's tent and saw Cloud was there, also, she was only mildly daunted. It had taken four months to make up her mind, and she was pretty damn sure.
"I'm resigning my post within the Recovery. I hope..." Tifa was even about to wish them luck on rebuilding Midgar, when Cloud jumped up and grabbed her arm, his faint cry of "No!" still ringing in the air. She did not have time to recover as Reeve latched on to her left arm and spun her towards him. Her neck, reeling from the whiplash, burned while her entire body froze in shock.
"Who the hell do you think you are, walking away like you hadn't a care in the world?" Reeve was pissed beyond moderation, "I cannot keep you here, but if you thought I was going to support your decision, then you were sadly mistaken. I will never condone such a selfish and irresponsible action - "
Cloud interrupted, spinning her to fully face him, "This is a team Recovery, Lockheart. Avalanche does not abandon its duty -"
"How will you live, knowing that your absence may have let even one person die?"
"Or don't you care that your friends will now have to pick up your slack?"
"I know you had a tough time of it in the Building, but at least you aren't sitting in a metal prison, waiting for a person, who just left it all behind, to rescue you -"
"Toughen up, Lockheart. How the hell did you survive fighting Sephiroth?"
"You can't just pretend this didn't happen - "
"Aeris never would've walked away."
Tifa, dizzy and more than a little frightened, felt like she had been kicked in the gut and could only stare up at Cloud in horror when he finally finished. Had she really been trying to live up to the flower girl, all this time? No wonder she always felt incomplete.
"What's my problem?" Tifa's voice was soft, and she kept her eyes lowered. Her arms were red and bruised, but turning around and walking away was not an option, "What's your problem? You know full well that workers come and go every day, and you could give a damn 'cept that it screws with your rosters. Why not me?" She glared up at both men, an angry flush coloring her face. "Avalanche is a joke. We're nothing but a bunch of washed up hacks, who used to be heroes. I'm greedy? How dare you spout your holier than thou crap, when all you're doing here is trying to forget that we were too slow."
She ripped her arm out of Cloud's grasp and went nose to nose with Reeve, "Yeah,
maybe you could've joined our side sooner and saved us some grief, but get over
yourself. This isn't about you or your guilt. There isn't anyone left!" Her cry rang through the tent. A shimmering line of tears blurred her vision, "It's been two months - two months since Red's Sector One rescue. It's over. Get someone less emotionally involved to run the Recovery. You'll be dead by the time you're forty, Reeve."
Not missing a beat, she was in Cloud's face, "And you! Big, bad leader of Avalanche. Some friend you've been. Do you even know me anymore? Has all of this been worth it? No, Aeris wouldn't have walked away. She would've had our bags packed with nine tickets on a train to Costa del Sol, months ago. Give her some credit; she would've seen how stupid this is."
Cloud's face turned a remarkable shade of purple, while Reeve's voice sounded in the tent as his PHS once again claimed his attention. For her part, Tifa was breathing hard and deeply, trying to shake the lingering effects of materia exhaustion.
And so Reno walked in, the last traces of sleep still evident in his eyes, "Tifa, I didn't wake up..." His statement faded away, replaced by a fairly sheepish grin as he noticed Cloud's infuriated expression and Reeve's stormy eyes, "You're doin' okay, right?"
She cradled her head in her hands and took a deep breath, trying to restore her patience, as she replied, "Yes, I'm fine, Reno, thank you. You're forgiven." Cloud was still looking at her, even as she removed her hands to link them behind her back. Enough of this...
Cloud reached out a hand to her, not coming close enough to touch her, though, "Teef..." Her eyes met his at the name. He looked young, again, and innocent. His eyes were so blue that she could almost see her reflection in them.
"Are you going leave me, too?"
Sick. She wanted to throw-up all over that self-composed, self-centered façade, "Flash her some puppy dog eyes and she'll do anything. Was that in your Soldier handbook?" Cloud's face instantly returned to its stony, Leader-esque expression, the traces of that innocent boy completely erased. His closed fists shook with fury.
She spun on her heel, leaving a mark in the dirt, and crashed into Reno, who was more than willing to catch her. She reached up, absently, and brushed a strand of hair away from his face, "I mean it, Reno, thank you."
He couldn't help but grin down at her, the rest of the tent completely forgotten, "So you're finally free. Any plans?"
She flashed an enigmatic smile, "Yes."
"Do they include a fun-loving, ex-Turk?"
"...No."
He felt all the air run from his body, leaving him gasping, begging for breath.
"I'm free, Reno. You said it yourself. I've always relied on other people - mom, Cloud, even you - and that's what caused this mess for me in the first place. If I'd only been stronger..." She trailed off, only to continue in a steadier voice, "Now, it's time for me to try. See if I can do any better."
She raised herself up, and gave him an unreturned embrace before brushing through the tent into the cool, autumn day.
Reno finally settled onto the floor of his tent, one hand draped over his eyes, with his last cigarette clasped between his fingers. Reeve had even fewer blankets than he did rations for the Recovery, but what Reno needed to warm him up was not going to be found on this half of the continent - not that he could afford a shot of anything, anyway.
The tent flap slid open and Reno brought his hand up in an informal wave. When he got no reply, he popped an eye open and was surprised to see, not the stooped, square-shouldered silhouette of either of the guys he was tenting with, but an hourglass figure highlighted by the waxing moon behind it.
He was standing in an instant, red hair loose and flying around his face. She was supposed to be dead or in a coma or something, but not wandering around the Recovery in freezing weather. Reno started to invite her in, but Tifa stopped him with a gesture, her lips shaking with the attempt to stay warm.
"You said that I was dead, that I needed to be living."
He moved closer, "Tifa, I -"
Her voice rose to a frantic pitch, while she spoke with the wild eyes of a girl lost in a lightning storm, "I thought, you know, I thought that it would be alright. Avalanche would make it all right. Midgar, Meteor... it was our fault, wasn't it? Wasn't it?" She screamed out the question as tears began to flow down her face, "After everything we'd suffered, why wasn't it enough? I thought 'Keep helping, it'll make everything alright'. But it didn't. The hurt never went away. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want it to go away. Reno, does it go away?"
Shaking and sobbing, she fell into his arms and he held her, held her through most of the night. Maybe she was delusional or maybe just tired, but Reno couldn't shake the pleasure of being a pillar of strength for somebody. Especially someone he... liked so much. It'd been too long since that'd happened.
Her words were incoherant, insane mutterings of light and life and that dead flower girl. Reno began to worry for her mental state; that mission must have pushed her over the edge. Damn it, it wasn't supposed to be this way!
He laid her on his cot, and Reno made a whispered, moonlight promise to stand by her, no matter what. And then he fell asleep, waking to an empty bed and a bright sun overhead.
Tifa left at dawn, having had enough sleep in the past few weeks to last her a lifetime. She remembered everything of the night before - waking up alone in a Med tent and walking like a woman possessed to find Reno, driven by an intense need (...guilt...) to apologize. Near-death does that to people. The emotional dumping just kinda happened. It was Reno's words that pulled her through that last battle and in her semi-dazed state, he was the most likely person to help her. (... some role model I picked...) He was a survivor. Her materia exhaustion was fatally severe, but she survived. It made Tifa think she had reserves of strength that she hadn't even begun to tap, and if she continued her life as a Recoverer, she would commit suicide before she ever did.
So when Tifa walked into Reeve's tent and saw Cloud was there, also, she was only mildly daunted. It had taken four months to make up her mind, and she was pretty damn sure.
"I'm resigning my post within the Recovery. I hope..." Tifa was even about to wish them luck on rebuilding Midgar, when Cloud jumped up and grabbed her arm, his faint cry of "No!" still ringing in the air. She did not have time to recover as Reeve latched on to her left arm and spun her towards him. Her neck, reeling from the whiplash, burned while her entire body froze in shock.
"Who the hell do you think you are, walking away like you hadn't a care in the world?" Reeve was pissed beyond moderation, "I cannot keep you here, but if you thought I was going to support your decision, then you were sadly mistaken. I will never condone such a selfish and irresponsible action - "
Cloud interrupted, spinning her to fully face him, "This is a team Recovery, Lockheart. Avalanche does not abandon its duty -"
"How will you live, knowing that your absence may have let even one person die?"
"Or don't you care that your friends will now have to pick up your slack?"
"I know you had a tough time of it in the Building, but at least you aren't sitting in a metal prison, waiting for a person, who just left it all behind, to rescue you -"
"Toughen up, Lockheart. How the hell did you survive fighting Sephiroth?"
"You can't just pretend this didn't happen - "
"Aeris never would've walked away."
Tifa, dizzy and more than a little frightened, felt like she had been kicked in the gut and could only stare up at Cloud in horror when he finally finished. Had she really been trying to live up to the flower girl, all this time? No wonder she always felt incomplete.
"What's my problem?" Tifa's voice was soft, and she kept her eyes lowered. Her arms were red and bruised, but turning around and walking away was not an option, "What's your problem? You know full well that workers come and go every day, and you could give a damn 'cept that it screws with your rosters. Why not me?" She glared up at both men, an angry flush coloring her face. "Avalanche is a joke. We're nothing but a bunch of washed up hacks, who used to be heroes. I'm greedy? How dare you spout your holier than thou crap, when all you're doing here is trying to forget that we were too slow."
She ripped her arm out of Cloud's grasp and went nose to nose with Reeve, "Yeah,
maybe you could've joined our side sooner and saved us some grief, but get over
yourself. This isn't about you or your guilt. There isn't anyone left!" Her cry rang through the tent. A shimmering line of tears blurred her vision, "It's been two months - two months since Red's Sector One rescue. It's over. Get someone less emotionally involved to run the Recovery. You'll be dead by the time you're forty, Reeve."
Not missing a beat, she was in Cloud's face, "And you! Big, bad leader of Avalanche. Some friend you've been. Do you even know me anymore? Has all of this been worth it? No, Aeris wouldn't have walked away. She would've had our bags packed with nine tickets on a train to Costa del Sol, months ago. Give her some credit; she would've seen how stupid this is."
Cloud's face turned a remarkable shade of purple, while Reeve's voice sounded in the tent as his PHS once again claimed his attention. For her part, Tifa was breathing hard and deeply, trying to shake the lingering effects of materia exhaustion.
And so Reno walked in, the last traces of sleep still evident in his eyes, "Tifa, I didn't wake up..." His statement faded away, replaced by a fairly sheepish grin as he noticed Cloud's infuriated expression and Reeve's stormy eyes, "You're doin' okay, right?"
She cradled her head in her hands and took a deep breath, trying to restore her patience, as she replied, "Yes, I'm fine, Reno, thank you. You're forgiven." Cloud was still looking at her, even as she removed her hands to link them behind her back. Enough of this...
Cloud reached out a hand to her, not coming close enough to touch her, though, "Teef..." Her eyes met his at the name. He looked young, again, and innocent. His eyes were so blue that she could almost see her reflection in them.
"Are you going leave me, too?"
Sick. She wanted to throw-up all over that self-composed, self-centered façade, "Flash her some puppy dog eyes and she'll do anything. Was that in your Soldier handbook?" Cloud's face instantly returned to its stony, Leader-esque expression, the traces of that innocent boy completely erased. His closed fists shook with fury.
She spun on her heel, leaving a mark in the dirt, and crashed into Reno, who was more than willing to catch her. She reached up, absently, and brushed a strand of hair away from his face, "I mean it, Reno, thank you."
He couldn't help but grin down at her, the rest of the tent completely forgotten, "So you're finally free. Any plans?"
She flashed an enigmatic smile, "Yes."
"Do they include a fun-loving, ex-Turk?"
"...No."
He felt all the air run from his body, leaving him gasping, begging for breath.
"I'm free, Reno. You said it yourself. I've always relied on other people - mom, Cloud, even you - and that's what caused this mess for me in the first place. If I'd only been stronger..." She trailed off, only to continue in a steadier voice, "Now, it's time for me to try. See if I can do any better."
She raised herself up, and gave him an unreturned embrace before brushing through the tent into the cool, autumn day.