by sessha
A Tokyo Babylon / X FanficIt was high noon but still the sun struggled to get a glimpse of the enclosed room in one of a building apartment. The curtains were still down although the occupant is already awake. He had not slept for days, always staring into the emptiness of the room that seems to be his prison. After looking around, he decided it was time for another stroll at the park.
His black coat billowed with the wind as he stepped out of the building. He raised his right hand to partly cover his eyes from the brightness of the sun. "I should get used to this new eye", he thought to himself. It's been days since he got his new eye, but he still got a strange feeling seeing through it. With a step he started to walk towards Ueno Park. Some girls looked back at him after passing by them. Some wisphering, some contained giggles, yet he paid no attention. He passed by a fashion boutique at one corner and a flambouyant dress reminded him of how he dressed, plain and simple.
"Hokuto-chan wouldn't let me get out of my room wearing this, if she's only here", he murmured. With that unwelcome thought, he stopped. As he saw his own reflection in the boutique's glass, more thoughts flooded through his mind. Now his face doesn't only remind him of one person. His eyes are now his constant reminders of the two important person he had lost. An emarald eye like that of his twin, the other brown, once belonging to the person he considered special. He carefully raised his hand and placed it between his eyes, and closed it.
"Hokuto-chan, Seishirou-san..."
His words were too subdued that he's the only one who heard it. As he opened his eyes again, he continued his slow pace walk towards the park. Everyday, around this time he would visit the park. It became part of his daily routine. The park is full of trees, their leaves falling. All of them, except one. He stopped in front of a half blooming sakura tree in the middle of the park. Though this one is the only tree blooming, it's not flourishing as it once did. It's struggling to keep its glow, as if trying to keep its flowers from falling. He stood there looking at how this sakura tree still amuses him.
"It's feeding from a corpse beneath it." He flinched as he remembered Seishirou's words to him when they once had a picnic here. Back then, he thought that person wasn't the Seishirou he knew, but time has taught him well. He placed his right hand on the trunk of the tree as if trying to find its heart. He looked up and saw the magnificent shade of mixture of white, pink and blue. Suddenly a chilling wind stroke through his unmoving body, causing his coat to dance with the wind. He closed his eyes and sunk deeply into his unchanging emotions. As the wind stopped he reached for his cigarette and draw one to light it.
"Still smoking, aren't you, Subaru-kun?"
He froze. His cigarette almost falling off his hand. The voice sounded familiar but deep within him he couldn't believe it. He slowly turned around to prove his speculations. And there standing just a few inches behind him was the man he thought he would never see again. Alive.
"I thought I told you it's bad for your health." With his black coat, dark sunglasses, he greeted the startled Subaru, showing him his enigmatic smile.
"Sei...Seishirou-san?" He murmured. "But..how? I killed..." His words were stopped by Seishirou's finger over his lips. He shook his head and gave him another smile.
"There's something I want to show you." He offered his right hand to Subaru. Although hesitant, Subaru gave his left hand. As soon as their hand touched, a swirl of sakura petals surrounded them. The next thing, they were standing in front of another Sakura Tree, in a luxuriant garden of a large, well-built, old Japanese house. Beneath the cloud of pink petals, at the edge of a small pool, Subaru and Seishirou are facing each other. Seishirou released Subaru's hand and showed him where they are.
"This is where I am born." Seishirou pushes up his sunglasses and corrects himself. "I mean, this is where I, as the Sakurazukamori, was born." Subaru stays silent.
"But you already know about that, right?" Without waiting for Subaru to interrupt he continued his talk.
"It was winter then, yet the camellias and the sakura are in full bloom. My mother loved the camellias more than the sakura. In this garden's snow-filled ground, my mother's blood soaked." Subaru looks at Seishirou revealing no emotion. Seishirou was merely staring at the camellia remembering his mother's last words.
"As I told you before, she was the previous Sakurazukamori and in order to replace her, I had to kill her. She was right, I felt nothing even with the thought that I was killing the woman who bore me and loved me more than anything. She looked like a young girl, so pretty."
"Why are you telling me this?" Subaru finally spoke. Seishirou seemingly ignored his question.
"Do you know what she said before she died?" He met Subaru's gaze, but Subaru couldn't see through his sunglasses. "She said that the one who will kill me will be the one I will love more than anything." Subaru was shocked. He didn't know how to reply to such words. Seishirou looked more compasionately at Subaru, asking nothing in return. Without Subaru's immediate reaction, he gave him another smile and looked away.
"I didn't believe her then. I knew I couldn't possibly know the emotion of love. She said, she used to think the same way, until she met me. And I could say the same thing when I met you, 15 years ago." Subaru couldn't move, and somehow this kind of reaction from his prey amused him.
"You were the exact opposite of me. You were so pure, gentle and sincere. But we both loved the sakura. And so I thought, I could love you. That's why I started the bet."
Subaru bowed down remembering the day when they should've realized the result of the bet.
"But not knowing how it feels to love, I didn't know who was winning the bet. Me or you? And on the day after a year has passed since we met again, I thought I won."
"But you didn't kill me!" Subaru again blurted. Seishirou was taken back. "You should've killed me if you won."
Seishirou merely chuckled with Subaru's reaction. He bowed down and pushed his dark sunglasses back to its place.
"I was confused, Subaru-kun. I didn't want to admit it, but I was confused." Seishirou bent down to lift a fallen camellia petal. "As a Sakurazukamori, I was never to be confused. I should never feel any emotion. Hatred, love, sadness nor happiness. I was never to feel anything or it will affect my work as an assasin."
Carefully examining the petal, Seishirou smiles softly. Subaru just looks at him, silent.
"On that day, I thought if you fought with me, at least I could shake off my confusion. But you didn't even try to defend yourself." Subaru closed his eyes, remembering Seishirou's words to him as he was trapped in his illusion then. "You may be able to escape this nightmare if you battle seriously with me." Subaru clenched his fist in regret. Had he fought him, will it bring a different future for both of them? No, for the three of them.
"Then why did you kill Hokuto-chan?" Subaru inquired. Seishirou looked up to him with pain in his heart.
"It was not part of the plan." Seishirou stood up.
"Plan? He had everything planned?" Subaru thought. This meeting was not turning out to be good. He had always wanted to ask so many questions to Seishirou, but now that he can, it seems that all his wanted answers might just be given. But thinking of the past still stirred deep dark emotions within him. Seishirou walked to a bench near them and sat there, still holding the petal he picked.
"I let your grandmother find you when I had trapped you. I couldn't kill you, but still I should not let any hints of not wanting to kill you either. You know my powers were superior to your grandmother, right? That's why I was still able to know you were my prey even when she put all of her power to bind my seals beneath your gloves." Subaru stayed silent examining Seishirou whether he was telling the truth or not. He wanted to sit beside him, but something's stopping him.
"I let you escape, and let your grandmother believe it was because she persisted. Even so, she suffered a painful sakanagi after that. My universe was still too much for her even though I've lessen its power. She still had to give a powerful spell to break through it, proving she's still inferior to me."
"You were saved, physically but not emotionally. Guess the thought of my betrayal was so much for you. I tried to explain it to you, how it happens everyday in Tokyo, hoping it'll lessen the pain, but you were really stubborn. Hokuto thought it was her fault because she was the one who presented me to you. What a joke!" Seishirou gave a sly grin on his face, Subaru hated his reaction.
"Hokuto-chan wanted me to be attached to something. To be attached to life. She was always the one who tried to understand me. Always the one with the smile on her face to brighten me up. She knew Seishirou would be special to me, and so she wanted us to be together. She only did that because she cared for me. There's nothing to be ashamed of that. It's not her fault at all." Subaru thought.
"You were so much alike, yet so different. I had no intentions of coming after you anymore, but she just had to meddle." Seishirou played with the petal in his hand. "To pry into other people's problem, corcerning themselves with other people's business, she's just so like you after all. But in her case, she's doing it not for the people she just met or because she was paid to do so. She did it for her beloved brother."
Subaru remembered her words to him when she was still alive. How she wanted other people to think of him and her as two different people. "People must not think that Subaru and I are the same person. It is very important to understand that you and I are two different human beings. It is a detail which must be clarified." With those words he thought he saw Hokuto's smiling face among the clouds above him. She was a really loving sister, he thought. His recollections were interrupted by Seishirou's continuance of his explanation.
"She came to me asking to be killed, saying she's the only one who can cast a certain spell. But the worst is, she trusted me even after knowing who I REALLY was."
Seishirou tilted his head to face Subaru. Subaru glared at him but he just smiled back.
"She said, there's no such thing as a person who shouldn't love anybody." Seishirou looked up and opened his loose hand to catch a falling sakura petal. "Right then, I already knew how I'm gonna be killed."
Seishirou placed the two petals together. Two petals, one red, the other pale pink. Camellia was his mother, and he was the sakura. No matter how different they were, they will both fall in the same ground, and fall for the same reason.
"I watched you as you came back from deep emotional paralysis. That was one of your sister's goal, to bring you back. I knew you'd hate me because I killed your sister and would want revenge. That was my goal, for you to hate me enough that you'd want to kill me."
Subaru stared at Seishirou after hearing that. Seishirou kept his gaze on the petals, as if waiting for a wind to take them off his palm.
"I..." Subaru started. But his words were taken from him. He looked at Seishirou but it's as if his tongue were tied that no matter how hard he try to speak nothing will come out of his mouth.
"I waited for you to become stronger, strong enough to kill me. You were too kind for someone who can take another person's life. You were still pure and gentle even with the thought of revenge is haunting you. And besides..."
Still standing just a few feet away from him, Subaru waited for Seishirou's next word. Without moving a muscle Seishirou continued.
"I knew I'd meet you again for the Promised Day."
"Is that why you've been avoiding me for all those years I've looked for you?" Subaru demanded an answer.
"It was not time for us to meet."
"Even when Kamui already returned to Tokyo?"
"I still had some errand I had to complete." Subaru bowed down, absorbing Seishirou's answer. "But I admit, your shikigamis were persistent and very hard to escape from. You were certainly stronger than before."
Seishirou stood up and walked away from the bench he was sitting from. He slowly approached Subaru, who just awaited him as he comes closer to him.
"But still not strong enough to kill me. You were still not able to kill anyone. Not then, not ever." Seishirou lifts his right hand to touch Subaru's face. Subaru's mismatched eyes reflects the image of Seishirou's pained face. "Hearing you say you have no interest in the future of the earth..."
"I always thought that the reason why you always hunt me was to avenge your sister's death. That's what I wanted. But the Kamui of Dragon of Earth said your wish was different from what I was thinking. He was the only member who had the strength to face me...and harm you."
"Seishirou-san." Subaru uttered while Seishirou strokes his face, eyelids drooping. Seishirou looks at him with regretful eyes.
"He knew what I was thinking even when I haven't mentioned anything. He knew your wish, but he never told me anything. I couldn't protect you from him. I knew right then what I had to do. I must let you kill me." Seishirou said as he held unto Subaru's left cheek.
"Why did things have to end this way?" Subaru asked, his eyes showing off his younger self, still so gentle and sincere.
"Why not? Hokuto-chan would've loved that, right?" Seishirou teased. Subaru's expression didn't change. Noticing this, Seishirou showed his usual smile.
"Because a Sakurazukamori is not meant to have a happy life." Subaru shaked his head, not accepting his answer. "That can't be true!" Subaru raised his voice. Tears slowly formed in the lower part of his eyes, indicating its definite flow on his dry cheek. "You...we were happy before. You were just an ordinary veterinary doctor, I struggled to become an ordinary student."
Seishirou placed both his hands on Subaru's shoulder, trying to stop him from his outburst. "I am not an ordinary veterinary doctor, and you cannot be an ordinary student. We can't go back to the way things were, you know that." Seishirou lifted Subaru's face to look at him. "Subaru-kun..." Subaru revealed a moist face, full of tears still flowing. Seishirou wiped his tears from his cheeks.
"It's time for you to go back."
Subaru shoved himself to Seishirou and embraced him. Seishirou wraps both of his arm to Subaru. With tears continuously falling down his face, Subaru closes his eyes. He clutches harder to Seishirou's coat.
"You can't change the past. No matter how hard you try, you can't turn back the time. But the future..." Seishirou strokes Subaru's hair trying to comfort him. "The only one who can change your future is you."
Seishirou draws back to look at him.
"Didn't you once said that?" He closes his eyes, smiling. Subaru nestles his head on Seishirou's shoulder.
"Don't you think, it's about time you take a little of your own advice?" Seishirou remarked. Sakura petals and camellias decend from their trees. The ground is now tinted pink and red. The small pool now flooded by flower petals.
"The future doesn't interest me anymore." Subaru uttered in between sobs. "Without Hokuto-chan, without you. How can you expect me to look forward to a future without the two people I care for the most?"
"There are still people caring for you. Think of how your grandmother would feel if you won't go back? Think of why Hokuto-chan sacrificed her life to cast that spell. Think of why I activated her spell." Subaru wasn't listening. He just held more closely to Seishirou, not wanting to let go.
"I had no reason to live anymore. I had lived an empty life, devoid of emotions. You taught me there was more to life than just my job. I had lived a worthy life with you and Hokuto-chan during the year of the bet. I'm thankful for that." Seishirou looked at the young boy embracing him. This person, always too kind to cry for others is now crying for him.
"You hated me for the death of your sister. Your sister whom you loved so dear. I can't possibly ask for forgiveness. On the year of the promised day, we were still bound to be enemies. There was really no good future for us." Seishirou slowly tried to part from Subaru to wipe some of Subaru's tears with his thumb.
"My death in your hands was a noble consolation for all the pain I've caused you. I would be thankful if you don't blame yourself for that. It's what I've wanted." Subaru looses his grip on Seishirou and wipes his tears. Seishirou looks at his right eye.
"This is the first time MY eye ever cried. It's strange I thought I will never see it drop tears." Seishirou smiled.
"Tell me, is Hokuto-chan with you now?" Subaru asked.
"Don't tell me you're jealous?" Seishirou joked. He then looked at Subaru seriously. "Subaru-kun, since you're now the Sakurazukamori, my clan will try to take back what's theirs. Please take care of yourself."
Subaru hesitantly nods and Seishirou smiles. He leans in to kiss Subaru on his forehead. "I can trust you, can't I?"
"Yes!"
"Goodbye, Subaru-kun!" Seishirou said before he turns into a swirl of sakura petals. Subaru stands still as he reaches out to the group of dancing petals.
"There'll be no 'Goodbye' for us, Seishirou-san." Subaru closes his eyes.
As Subaru opens his eyes, he's back at Ueno Park. Subaru wipes the tears off his eyes. He stares blank at the emptiness of the park. As if watching a movie, memories played back in his mind. Memories of when Seishirou and he discussed about dreams.
"Dreams are important for telling you how our heart has been hurt."
Subaru raised his right hand to hold his right eye whispering a soft..."Seishirou-san!"
This fanfic takes place after Fuuma gave Subaru Seishirou's left eye. I assumed Subaru is still living in his appartment instead of living in the Sakurazuka's mansion even after taking place of the Sakurazukamori title.
It's never mentioned that the Sakurazukamori always has to be killed by the one they loved. It happened to Setsuka (Sei's mother) and Seishirou, but there was never a mentioned fate for all the Sakurazukamori. Since Subaru is a Sumeragi, the other-side-of-the-coin for the Sakurazuka, I thought the other Sakurazukas would want their title back to their own clan. In order to do that, they must kill Subaru who is now the new Sakurazukamori. But it doesn't mean it should be the one he will love. Another fact that not anybody can just be the Sakurazukamori is that Subaru didn't automatically became the Sakurazukamori after he killed Seishirou. He had to accept his eye before assuming the title. This means that only the people with the Sakurazuka blood can take this title.
To those familiar with TB, sakanagi is a backlash after a powerful spell is cast. The powerful the spell is, the more powerful the backlash will be.
Dialogues of the past are taken from TB/X scripts.
All standard disclaimers apply. I don't own Subaru and Seishirou. (Though I wish I did.)