We thought about devoting this chapter to the fabulously handsome and witty stranger who came down from heaven to make our humble play the starring attraction that it was, but we never found out his name (rumour has it that he had several); *budweiser ad voice* so in his absence, this one's for you, Mr Shadow Moses, for reminding us of him occasionally, and for "letting Anna win" *cough*loser*cough* at pool; and here's another, for that thing on your chin ;P
Green Falcon pulls out of lightspeed and is showered in debris.
H.L. - what's going on? Ciaby, where are we?
C. - HUUUUUUUUU
J.P. - I told you he was useless, Ben.
H.L. - Look kid, this is the right place, but Toilet Seat is gone!
J.P. - what do you mean, gone?!
O.B. - I fear something terrible has happened. I felt a huge disturbance in the jelly, as if I heard one meeelion dollars.. I mean, people, cry out at once.
C. - HUUUUUR
H.L. - What? You're right! We're being attracted by something - we're in a tractor beam! There's nothing I can do!
O.B. - Now remember what I told you, James. Trust your instincts.
Meanwhile, on board the Death Car...
Captain - Sir we have pulled in a freighter ship which has the same markings as the one that escaped the K-Wings earlier.
D.C. - Check it.
Starship Gerbils march on board the ship, then report to the general.
S.G. - Ship's clean, sir. Reports show they abandoned ship right after we first got them. The escape pods are all gone
D.C. Bring the scanners - we will search all areas of the ship.
S.G. - Yes Sir.
On board the Green Falcon a little hatch opens and James and Han's heads pop up.
J.P. - It's lucky you had these compartments!
H.L. - I used them for smuggling Habijan Lettuce, but I never thought I'd be smuggling myself in them.
C. - HUUUUUR
H.L. - Hey Ciaby, that only happened the one time! Anyway, the girl didn't mind. Now, Dingo, what's our plan?
A noise comes from inside the ship, and four starship gerbils enter to investigate. Five minutes later they come back out and shake their heads at the others outside. They all walk off and round the corner, then flatten themselves against the walls holding up their blasters and jellysabres. [James Bond music starts]. They make their way to the control room. Once they get into the control room the flea plugs into the socket and the door opens. The four gerbils remove their helmets to reveal our four adventurers.
Flea - Bleepybloopbloop!
J.P. - What? The princess?
Flea - Bloopybloopybloopblublu
J.P. - She's here? In cell block D? We have to find her!
H.L. - Kid, we're not going after your princess.
O.B. - the fate of the galaxy is in her hands now Toilet Seat is gone. She must be saved!
H.L. - Listen, old dingo. I wasn't hired for a rescue mission. I'm only here to fly the damn ship.
O.B. - Well you won't get anywhere with it in a tractor beam!
H.L. - Ok then, me and Ciaby will deal with the beam, and you rescue the princess, but I warn you, if we get back and you're gone, we're leaving!
J.P. - Then you won't get your money!
H.L. - I'd rather lose my money than my life!
O.B. - Leave the tractor beam to me - I know what I'm doing. You boys get the princess.
Flea - blippybloppybloop?
J.P. - you just stay here and stay in contact with these helmet radios. We'll need you to tell us where we're going.
Flea - bipblopbloo
H.L. - and don't forget to lock the door!
J.P. - Now if you'll just let me put these handcuffs on you...
C - HUUUUUURRRR
J.P. - okay, you put the cuffs on him.
H.L. - it's ok, Ciaby, I think I know what his plan is.
Flea - Blipblopplaaaaaaaaah
C. - HUUUUUURHUURRRRR
H - No you stupid machine, it's a disguise!! Ciaby, don't you ever think of anything else?
H.L., J.P. and Ciabatta head off to the detention centre, with Han muttering something about 'kinky games'. There is a huge fight when they arrive and eventually they take over the control room.
over the mic. - what's going on? What was all that noise?
H.L. - erm, nothing to worry about, just a... celebration. We just heard that the Astro zero-gravity basketball team berat the Zxorgs 731 - 2.
mic. - What? Really? Wow! That's - hang on a minute, the season finished last week! What're you -
Han shoots the speaker.
H.L. - shocking... James, we're gonna have company, hurry it up!
James finds Princess Yak's cell, and goes in. He stares in awe at the princess as she wakes.
P.Y. - aren't you a little tall and scaly for a gerbil?
JP - Huh? Oh, the uniform. My name's James Pond, I'm here to rescue you.
PY - RUBBISH! I don't believe a word of it! It's another trick, to make me talk!
JP - no, really, look!
James removes his helmet.
Here
He gives her a blaster.
Come on, there isn't much time!
What will happen next? Read on, in Part 4!