A Little Get-together
JK: Welcome, Ladies, Gentlemen, and Tea!
Tea: How come you say my name separately?
JK: I just felt that I should include everyone in my greeting.
Tea: But I'm a gentleman!
(Everyone stares at her strangely.)
Tea: What? I am!
(People continue to stare.)
Yugi: Oh my God! I went out with you!
Dark Shadows: But then again, you're a girl, so it makes perfect sense!
Seto: Finally someone noticed!
Dark Shadows: Yes Master!
Seto: Excuse me? Don't you like Yami? Shouldn't you be the Pharaoh's Servant?
Dark Shadows: But you already are!
Seto: Okay, just because I was a priest, does not mean I was his servant!
Dark Shadows: Sure.
(Seto fumes.)
Joey: Ha! A twelve-year-old beat Seto Kaiba in an argument!
Seto: Shut up, insolent dog!
Dark Shadows: Go me, go me.etc.
Tea: But I am!
Yami: Look down, will you?
Dark Shadows: AHHH! Pervert! (Whacks Yami on the head)
Yami: What? I was trying to get a point across.
JK: And, anyway, you should talk, Dark Shadows.
(Dark Shadows laughs nervously.)
(Tea glances down.)
Tea: OH. Okay, never mind.
JK: Why must people like you surround me?
Dark Shadows: Um, the laws of fanfiction?
JK: Ah, yes.
(Malik arrives on his infamous motorcycle.)
Malik: What's up, homies?
Isis: I swear with Ra as my witness that if you don't speak like a normal human being, I will kill you with your own Rod!
Joey (offended): What, I'm not a normal human being?
All (turning to face him): No.
(Isis takes out the Millennium Rod.)
Isis: As you can see, I'm not afraid to go through your things if a good cause is involved.
Seto: You went through his underwear drawer?!
Isis: Well, I-wait, how do you know where it was?
Seto: I-um-can we just start the story?!
Yami: What, did you install cameras in his room?
Dark Shadows: Is that a rhetorical question?
Seto: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!
Tea: Of course I am.
Seto: So, what brilliant idea have you come up with today? Another fic where you torture me?
JK: No, actually, this has nothing to do with torturing Seto. You are all going to get together and have a little New Year's Party.
Isis: That's it?
JK: Yup.
Yami: What do we have to do?
JK: It's entirely up to you.
Yami: So who's throwing the party?
(Yugi raises his hand.)
Seto: Oh, yeah, what a lively party this will be!
Yugi: Well, I was thinking we could get eachother gifts.
Tea: Aw, what a cute idea!
Seto: Forget it. I'm not doing anything Tea thinks is cute.
Yami (nudging Seto and muttering): You never know, you might have to get a present for Isis.
Seto: I don't care! I don't want to get anyone anything.
(JK sighs.)
JK: You know, you're really stingy for a millionaire.
Seto: Why thank you.
JK: Okay, Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine, so you can't sue me! I'm just an obsessed fan with too much time on my hands.
Dark Shadows: Are you getting depressed? Because I could kill Tea to cheer you up.
JK: Nah, this is too much fun.
Yugi anxiously paced around his room. Yami, noticing this, came out of the Puzzle.
"Why so nervous, Yugi?" he asked.
"I'm waiting for people to answer to my New Year's Eve Party invitations," Yugi said. Just then, the phone rang. Yugi ran to pick it up.
"Hello?" he squeaked excitedly.
"Hi Yugi! Me and Seto will be there at 8 o'clock sharp!" said Mokuba with equal excitement.
"But...the party's at 10," Yugi said tentatively.
"Yeah, like I said, me and Seto will be there at 8 o'clock sharp," repeated Mokuba. At the other end of the line, Yugi heard someone pick up.
"I would not be caught dead anywhere near your New Year's Party!" came the voice of Seto Kaiba. Yami heard this, considering Yugi was holding the phone at arm's length. He took the phone from Yugi, who was only too eager to hand it over.
"Hey, Kaiba, Isis might be there," said Yami.
"Oh. Well, in that case, we'll will be there at 8 o'clock sharp!" said Seto happily and hung up without so much as a goodbye. Yami smiled to himself; in an evil sort of way. Yugi failed to notice this.
"Wow, Yami! I'm surprised. That was a really noble thing to do!" He said admirably. But then his demeanor changed. "What are you scheming?"
"I did it to make you happy, aibou!" Yami said defensively. Yugi seemed convinced, but Yami disappeared into the Puzzle with other ideas on his mind.
Yugi spent the rest of the day hovering near the phone. At about 4, Tea called.
"Of course I'll come, Yugi. But I have no clue what to wear," said Tea.
"Then shouldn't you consult someone else?" Yugi asked.
"Like who?"
"A girl," said Yugi.
"Oh." Yugi heard Tea hang up and shrugged. She was always a queer one. By the end of the day, everyone had called Yugi and agreed to come. That is, everyone except Isis and Malik Ishtar.
//Yami, Isis and Malik haven't called yet.// Yugi thought.
/I have a sneaking suspicion that Malik got to the invitation before Isis. Or maybe they just don't know how to use a phone. But then again, neither do I./ said Yami.
//But then they won't be there! And I bought too much food! Plus, the whole gift idea will be thrown off!// Yugi thought. Yami could sense that his aibou's feeble mind was in turmoil.
/Aibou, why don't you call them and invite them personally?/ Yami suggested.
//Eh, why not?/ Yugi thought, gathering himself. He picked up the phone, dialed their number, and waited. The phone rang six times, but someone finally picked up.
"Hello? What the hell do you want at this hour?!" they said groggily. It was Malik.
"Nice to-er-hear you too, Malik. What do you mean, at this hour? It's only 8," said Yugi.
"And, personally, I'm surprised it's not past your bedtime. Anyway, I have to get up early to pick up Isis. She's on some stupid archaeological expedition and she's coming back at 5 in the morning. And I have to bring the car over. I don't get why the annoying hag can't take a cab," said Malik.
"Er-" That was all Yugi had time to say before Yami took over.
"How dare you call your sister a hag?! Are you out of your mind?!" he screeched.
"Yes."
"You know, I'd be more than happy to pick her up for you. You can get some sleep..."
"Shut your big, putrid, ancient mouth, Pharaoh! I don't trust you!"
"Okay then. Now widdle Yugi has a question to ask," said Yami, and then returned to his soul room. Back at his house, Malik stared at the phone like it was a bomb that was about to go off.
"Malik, did you by any chance get my invitation?" asked Yugi.
"Invitation? Oh, so that's what the letter with the teddy bear background was. I thought they were offering us the Barney tape collection again."
"So can you come?" asked Yugi.
"Sure, I guess. Who will be there?" said Malik.
"Everyone," said Yugi vaguely. "If you noticed, there are two pieces of paper taped to your invitation. They say the names of who you and Isis have to get a present for," explained Yugi.
"Oh," said Malik, digging the invitation out of the garbage can.
"You have to get a present for the person you got," said Yugi.
"Okay, whatever. So what's the special occasion?" said Malik.
"Don't you know?" asked Yugi.
"No."
"New Year's Eve!"
"Oh, damn it! You mean it's already December?"
"It's almost January..." said Yugi. Back in his soul room, Yami was laughing hysterically.
/Oh Ra! The sadist doesn't even know what month it is! Even I know, and I'm not of this time! Ask him what year it is, Yugi./ Yami said.
"Malik, do you know what year it is?" asked Yugi.
"Of course, 1999 right?" said Malik.
"No, we're approaching 2003." said Yugi.
"Well, you try living underground for most of your life and see how easy it'll be keeping track of the days!" screamed Malik.
"Ah! Mole people!" Yugi screamed, dropping the phone.
/Oh, come on, aibou, be reasonable. There's no such thing./ said Yami, sighing.
//You once said that there was no such thing as people with two genders, and you saw how Pegasus turned out!// Yugi thought. Yami just sighed again. Malik, meanwhile, hung up.
/Hey Yugi, who did you invite?/ Yami asked.
//Well, there's Joey, Kaiba, Mokuba, Serenity, Tristan, Tea--//
/Whoa! You invited the hag?!// Yami asked in disbelief.
//Yeah, and I also invited Bakura, Yami Bakura, Mai, Isis, Malik, you, and Rebecca.// thought Yugi. Yami came out of the Puzzle just to see the expression on Yugi's face.
"Ha! I knew it! You're blushing!" said Yami.
"Shut up, Yami!" Yugi screamed turning, if possible, even redder.
"Aw, what's the matter? My widdle aibou has a widdle cwush on a widdle 8-year-old?" Yami teased.
"It's not funny, Yami! I don't like her!" said Yugi.
"For a person claiming they don't like someone, you're getting very defensive," said Yami.
"At least I don't like Tea! Oh, I forgot to ask. How did your date go?" asked Yugi.
"That's the last straw! No one insults me without facing serious consequences! I challenge you to a duel!" said Yami.
"Okay!"
"Wait, there's one problem," said Yami sadly.
"What?"
"We have only one deck."
While Yami and Yugi were being stupid, Seto and Mokuba were out shopping.
"So, Seto, who do you have to get a gift for?" Mokuba asked.
"Joey Wheeler," said Seto, smiling.
"And you're happy about that? I thought you hated him," said Mokuba.
"I do, and that's the best part! Because I know exactly what to get him," said Seto.
"Oh. I have to get a gift for Isis," said Mokuba thoughtfully. Seto stopped smiling.
"Hey Mokuba, how about a trade?" asked Seto hopefully.
"NO!" said Mokuba, clutching the paper.
"I'll find another way to get it form you!" said Seto.
"No you won't!"
"Just watch!" said Seto, and flung himself onto his little brother. After a long struggle during which the limo appeared to be shaking, Seto was holding the little piece of paper.
"YES!" he cried triumphantly. Mokuba didn't appear too happy. He was choking back sobs, struggling so as not to cry. Seto sighed. He should've known this would happen. In a disgruntled sort of way, he handed the piece of paper back to Mokuba.
"Here, you can have it. I don't see why I cared," he said. Mokuba smiled, and flung his arms around Seto's neck.
"Thank you! You're the best big brother in the world!" Mokuba said, admiring Seto's "greatness."
"Here we are," said Seto as they pulled over in front of a pet shop.
"What could we possibly get for Joey here?" asked Mokuba. Seto just smiled. Mokuba shuddered. Seto was a little too happy.
After Seto got what he needed, he took it back to the counter.
"Can you wrap it?" he asked. The woman stared at him.
"Y-you want this wrapped?" she asked him incredulously.
"What, is it suddenly illegal to wrap things for multi-millionaires?" asked Seto. "Or CEOs of Kaiba Corp?"
"Oh, Mr. Kaiba, sir, it's just that people don't normally wrap things in a pet store. But I'm sure I'll manage," she said, flushed. While she rumaged for the wrapping paper, Seto watched idly as Mokuba looked at little puppies.
"Seto, this one looks familiar," said Mokuba, pointing to a Chihuahua.
"Hmm, that's because it looks like Joey," said Seto.
"Oh," said Mokuba, with an air of understanding.
"Here, Mr. Kaiba," the woman said. Seto grabbed the package from her and walked out. Mokuba followed him.
Malik sleepily got into Isis' car, well aware that if he got so much as a scratch on it his older sister would skin him alive.
Yawning, he muttered, "At least I know Isis will never agree to go to this stupid party." Backing out of the driveway, he knocked over his eccentric neighbor's garbage can.
"Ishtar, you'll pay for that!" he screamed. 'Damn, doesn't that guy go to sleep?' Malik thought.
"It's just a freaking garbage can!" Malik screamed.
"Yeah, and it's the fifth time this week!" his neighbor said. Malik jolted. If his sister found out about him driving her car...two words: total chaos. Praying that his neighbor would get drunk and forget, Malik proceeded toward the airport.
About two hours later, Malik watched Isis come out of the airport surrounded by her colleagues. She did not look pleased.
"Okay, get the hell away from me!" she screamed. They reluctantly went in the other direction. Isis got in the car and sat behind the wheel.
"Er...Isis?" Malik asked cautiously. In the condition she was in, Isis was liable to explode.
"What? You didn't damage my car did you?" she asked.
"No, I'm just curious. What happened to you?" Malik asked.
"Nothing."
"Let me guess, Seto forgot to call," said Malik, abandoning caution.
"No. Believe me, Malik, that is the least of my problems."
"Aha! So he did forget to call!" said Malik.
"I will bash my suitcase over your head, Malik," said Isis.
"Anyway, I guess you won't want to go to the party Yugi's throwing tomorrow," said Malik.
"Of course I'll go. Seto might be there," said Isis. Malik raised his eyebrows.
"I mean, we could duel," Isis said quickly. Malik pretended to believe her. At least she'd be happy with who she would be forced to get a present for.
"Seto we're late!" said Mokuba the next evening.
"Mokuba, the party's at 10," said Seto.
"But you said we'd be there at 8 o'clock sharp! And it's 8:01! That's what you said Seto!"
"Fine, get in the car."
A happy Mokuba and a ticked off Seto arrived at the Mutou household in a matter of minutes. Hardly able to contain his excitement, Mokuba rang the doorbell. Yugi answered.
"What are you two doing here? The party isn't for another two hours!" said Yugi. But Seto was focused on what was going on inside the house. Yami, wearing a pink apron around his waist, was dusting a bookshelf. Seto took a camera out of his briefcase and quickly clicked the shutter.
"I knew that would come in handy someday," said Seto.
"Hey I wasn't ready!" Yami screamed. Yami took off the apron and sat at the table. Seto decided to take a seat on the couch.
"You call that a tv?" he asked, disapproving.
"Yes, I do," said Yami. "Remind me, though. What's a tv?"
"I was talking to Yugi, you moron," said Seto.
"Oh, I didn't know you were interested in my aibou," said Yami, smirking. Seto had him pinned to the wall in a flash.
"You repeat that, Yami, and I swear you won't live to say it a third time," said Seto.
"I can't die," said Yami, relieved that his statement was true. Nothing was scarier than a ticked off powerful person. Well, except a ticked off girl with a heavy purse. (Yami had tons of experience with Mai, Tea, and even Isis once.) So Seto let Yami fall to the floor and then took his place at the table. Mokuba, after making sure Seto wasn't going to kill Yami (or at least attempt to), went to go help Yugi in the kitchen.
"Isis, why do I have to go?!" Malik fumed in the car. Isis sighed, not planning to answer a fifth time.
"Answer me, Ishizu!" Malik yelled. Isis increased the volume on the car radio. "Same to you," he muttered.
Isis pulled over in front of the Game Shop.
"Hey, Yami Bakura!" Malik called, getting out of the car. The white-haired yami grunted in reply, looking at the door closely.
"What's wrong?" Isis asked.
"Well, I went separately from the Weakling and I can't seem to get this stupid door open without him," Yami Bakura admitted. Isis choked back laughter.
"Did you try the doorbell?" she asked.
"What's a doorbell?" asked Yami Bakura and Malik.
"Forget it," said Isis, ringing the doorbell.
"Hi guys! Presents go on that table," said Yugi. "And sit somewhere there." Malik and Yami Bakura immediately went off to search for a bomb or at least some fireworks to bring the New Year in with a bang. Though it is still unclear why they expected to find something of that sort in Yugi's house.
Seto was admiring his Blue Eyes White Dragons when he was interrupted by an annoying voice.
"Oh my God! It's Seto Kaiba! The awesome, incredible, smart, and hot Duel Monsters World Champion!" squealed Rebecca. She sat down next to him; an action Seto was dreading. He was hoping to reserve that seat for another person.
"Shouldn't you be flirting with people your own age?" asked Seto, then glancing at Yugi. "Or at least your own height?"
"Teddy, Kaiba may be cute but he's a jerk. Let's go find Yugi. He's nice," said Rebecca. Mokuba then ran to his older brother.
"Is she gone? That is one weird girl," Mokuba commented. "She talks to the bear."
"To be honest," said Seto, "I feel sorry for that bear. Imagine having to be in her presence all day long."
After everyone had arrived and Yugi spent about ten minutes trying to get their attention, Mai spoke.
"Okay, I'm in charge of game plans. First, we're going to play Spin the Bottle." There was giggling from everyone except Isis and Seto. (Malik and Yami Bakura were still pointlessly searching for bombs.) Seto and Isis glanced at each other, then nodded.
"So, Yugi was kind enough to provide us with a bottle. But be careful with it, since it's the only one he could spare," said Mai. Seto nudged Isis. Time to implement their little silent plan.
"Hey, Mai? Can I see the bottle?" Isis asked.
"I don't see why, but okay," said Mai, giving Isis the bottle. Isis stood up and dropped the bottle on the-thankfully-non-carpeted floor. It shattered into little pieces.
"Aw, damn you! I just finished cleaning!" Yami screamed. One look from both Isis and Seto silenced him.
"Well, we could play Truth or Dare," Mai suggested. Just then Yami Bakura and Malik showed up, grinning for some strange reason. Isis suspected that they had succeeded in finding whatever they were looking for. She knew Malik all too well.
"Play what?" Malik asked.
"Truth or Dare."
Realizing they couldn't sabotage this game, Isis and Seto said, "Count me out."
"Yeah, they're afraid they'll have to kiss in public," Malik sneered. Isis and Seto pretended not to hear this.
"Kaiba will play, unless he's a coward," said Yami.
"Are you challenging me, Yami?" Seto asked.
"Maybe," said Yami. "But I unfortunately don't know how to play this game."
"Some King of Games you turned out to be," said Seto.
"Well, allow me to explain." And so Mai proceeded to explain the ever-so- complicated rules of Truth or Dare. "Yami, truth or dare?"
"I pick dare," said Yami.
"Brave, aren't we? I dare you to duel Rebecca and lose on purpose," said Mai. Yami looked crestfallen.
"Lose? On purpose? But I've never even lost by accident!" Yami screamed.
"You lost to me," Seto pointed out.
"No, Yugi lost to you. If the naïve midget and the hag hadn't interfered, you would've died and I would've won. And the world would've been a happier place," He added as an afterthought.
"Come on, Pharaoh. You honestly think I would've fallen off? I would have jumped down, stolen your star chips, and gone into the castle anyway. Puh- lease," said Seto.
"The dare, Yami," Mai reminded him.
"I want another one," Yami said, pleading.
"Fine, but only because it's your first time. I dare you to go and sit next to Tea for the rest of the game," said Mai.
"That's even worse!" he yelled. Tea, who wasn't sitting next to anyone for obvious reasons, gestured for Yami to join her. Not wanting to appear cowardly, Yami did. She inched closer to him, and Yami crawled away as fast as possible.
"Is this what I get for not going to Hell when I was supposed to?" he asked miserably.
"It's your turn Yami," said Yugi.
"Okay, Malik, truth or dare?" he asked.
"Truth."
"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked.
"This isn't one of those Dr. Love shows. We're playing a game that's intended to embarrass everyone and be funny," said Bakura. Every eye was on him.
"BAKURA?" they exclaimed incredulously.
"What?"
"But you're separated from your yami. How could you-"
Yami interrupted Tea before another friendship speech could be said. "Answer the question, Ishtar!"
"Because you killed my father!" Malik exclaimed. Isis hit him on the back of the head.
"You stubborn mule! How many times do I have to tell you that your own yami killed him?" she asked.
"Oh, well then it's because you're Pharaoh," said Malik.
"O...kay. Your turn."
"Kaiba!" said Malik.
"Dare," said Seto instantly.
"I dare you to...make out with your mirror reflection," said Malik.
"Hell no! What kind of fool do you take me for?" Seto asked.
"What's the matter Seto? You do it all the time at home," said Mokuba.
Tea erupted into a fit of giggles. "And I thought you were straight."
"You ought to talk!" Seto barked. Then he studied his brother. "Who gave you alcohol?" Malik nudged Isis and winked.
"But that's not all we found," Yami Bakura whispered.
"Oh, what joy," she said sarcastically.
"My turn!" said Seto. "Joey, truth or dare?"
"Hey, you didn' do your dare!" said Joey.
"Fine," he said, blowing a kiss to the mirror in the hallway.
"Eh, fine. I ain't no coward. Dare," said Joey.
"I was hoping you'd say that," said Seto, and ran off to fetch something. Joey's eyes widened in horror when he saw what it was.
"No!" he said.
"You picked dare. It's your fault," said Seto. Joey halfheartedly put on the doggie outfit. "And you have to wear that for the rest of the game." Joey, sulking, took his place between Serenity and Tristan. (And we all know why he chose that particular seat.)
"Isis, truth or dare?" Joey asked.
"Considering the fact that I have some sanity, I pick truth," she said.
"Okay, do you love Seto?" asked Joey.
"Oh, yeah, I love him. I want to get married and move into his house, and then I want to send Mokuba to a boarding school so we can be alone," said Isis sarcastically. Joey looked horrified again, right to his little doggie ears.
"Seriously?" asked Joey.
"No, you moron!" said Isis.
"You better be," said Malik.
"I'm sorry, little brother, do you have a photograph to share with us?" asked Isis.
"No," said Malik.
"Because I do," said Isis. She smiled. "But I'll save it for after midnight. And as it's my turn, I'll ask Tea."
"Dare," she said.
"I dare you to go lock yourself in a closet and stay there for the next half hour," said Isis. Everyone looked like they could hail her.
"Oh, fine. But I'll ask someone else first. Mokuba!" she said.
"Dare," said Mokuba.
"I dare you to ki-" Seto was clutching her wrist and threatening to twist it out of the socket.
"I mean, hug Rebecca," said Tea. Mokuba did so, and even kissed her on the cheek.
"Awwww, how cute," said Tea. Seto proceeded to twist her hand. "OW!"
"Don't you have a closet waiting for you?" he asked. Tea got up and went to a nearby closet.
"Okay, Isis, I want to ask you. Truth or dare?" said Mokuba.
"Dare," said Isis.
"I dare you to kiss Seto," said Mokuba.
"NO!" said Isis, Seto, and every other boy present. (Excluding Yugi.)
"Why doesn't Yugi just ask someone and then we'll eat?" Mai suggested.
"Yami, truth or dare?" asked Yugi.
"Ugh, why me again? Dare," he said. What could his naïve minded aibou possibly come up with?
"I dare you to continually propose to Mai until she says yes," said Yugi.
"Someone's been watching the Discovery Channel," said Seto. (A/N: I don't mean it like that.)
"No, I was reading Marriage Magazine this morning. My grandpa gets it delivered every day," said Yugi.
"Fine. Mai, will you marry me?"
"Okay," she said. "That was lame, Yugi." Yugi shrugged and went into the kitchen to get the food onto plates. By the time he was finished, Tea had come out of the closet.
Yami Bakura was having a little dilemma. He was staring longingly at a can of tomatoes.
"What's up, Yami Bakura?" asked Malik.
"I want some tomatoes," he said sadly.
"And that's a problem?"
"Well, how do you expect me to get the tomatoes out?! My head doesn't fit in the can!" he screamed. The whole table burst into laughter.
"How primitive can you get?" asked Seto in disgust.
"Well, you probably have people put their heads in cans for you!" said Yami Bakura. More laughter.
"Oh, cool! It's 11:58!" said Yugi suddenly.
"Which means it's past your bedtime, aibou," said Yami.
"Not funny!" said Yugi.
"You know, in Egypt, I remember my parents used to have little parties and invite everyone. And they'd make me stay outside so I wouldn't upset the guests. But that was before I set the house on fire and they died," said Yami Bakura.
"Forget it, it's midnight! Time for the fireworks!" said Malik. He and Yami Bakura ran outside to start some fireworks. Everyone then proceeded to go outside as well. Mokuba was squealing in happiness, since the fresh air had thankfully made him sober.
"This is so fun it should be illegal!" said Yugi.
"I think it is," said Seto as the remains of a firework landed on his head. "Hey Isis, why so glum?"
Isis was brushing soot off her clothing, and saying phrases such as "I will kill Malik, Malik will pay, and someone's sleeping in the gutter tonight." But their attention was diverted after a very loud explosion.
"MY CAR!" Mai screamed, as bits of it fell onto everyone's head. Malik and Yami Bakura were giggling like giddy schoolgirls.
"Isis, we told you that the alcohol wasn't all we found," said Yami Bakura.
"And where'd you get the bomb? From your soul room?" asked Seto.
"No. After looking through all the torture devices I realized I'd run out. So we just borrowed the one Yami had," said Yami Bakura. Isis glared daggers at him, so he immediately shut up. 'Damn, that gaze is penetrating,' he thought.
After the last of the fireworks had ceased, everyone went back in the house.
"Now we can open the gifts!" said Yugi. "Why don't you go first, Joey."
"Okay, here you go, Mokuba," said Joey. Mokuba unwrapped the gift excitedly. His face fell when he saw what it was.
"A brush."
"Yeah, one thing your brother never had enough brains to give you," said Joey. He expected Seto to do something, but Seto placidly said, "Why don't you open your gift?"
Joey hungrily tore at the wrapping paper. "What's this?"
"Well, you know how Yugi has a Millennium Puzzle? I decided to get you a Millennium Muzzle! I mean, seriously Wheeler, you talk too much. And it also fits your doggie personality!" said Seto. Joey looked like he could kill someone.
"Why you-"
"My turn! Here you go, Isis!" said Mokuba, handing her a gift.
"Wow, a tool kit! Thanks Mokuba!" she said, hugging him. Malik glared at them.
"It's not fair," he said to Yami Bakura, "I got her one just a week ago and she complained that she already had one. Stupid hag."
"Well, maybe the one you got her was crappy," he replied.
"Okay, I had to buy something for Rebecca," said Serenity. It turned out to be a Barbie doll, which Rebecca absolutely loved.
"And I got you this, Bakura," said Yugi. Bakura daintily unwrapped the packaging.
"What in the world did you get me a suit of armor for?" asked Bakura.
"Protection," said Yugi, glancing at Yami Bakura.
"Oh, I get it," said Bakura.
"My turn! Here you go, Serenity," said Tristan. Serenity opened the envelope.
"It's a check. For...200,000 dollars!" she said in awe.
"My life savings. But, that's okay Serenity. Anything for you," said Tristan.
After cursing Tristan out and kicking him in the shins, Joey said, "Hey sis, mind splittin' that?"
"Yes, I mind," said Serenity.
"I spent 3 million dollars on your freakin' operation and you're saying no?! I could have let you go blind!" said Joey.
"But you didn't, did you?" said Serenity. Tea, meanwhile, gave Yami her gift.
"Wine, Cognac, other kinds of liquor that I can't identify, and gourmet French chocolate," said Yami. "Not bad."
"I'll be working at Burger Palooza for the next five years, but I don't mind. Now will you consider going out with me?"
"No," said Yami flatly.
"Oh, here Mai. Happy New Year," said Bakura politely.
"You got me a sweater?" she asked.
"Well, yes. You-well you-you know-kind of-well, need more-need more-oh, who am I kidding? You need more clothing on you, Mai!" said Bakura, blushing insanely.
"Thanks," said Mai, looking like he'd just force-fed poison to her.
"And I got a gift for Tristan," said Yami Bakura, smiling sadistically.
"Where is it?" asked Tristan.
"Oh, it's more of a virtual present," said Yami Bakura. "I'm sure you'll like it. Morphing Jar!" And so Tristan was swept away into the Graveyard, never to be seen again. Well, at least not until the next morning.
"A trip to the Graveyard? Wish I thought of that!" said Malik.
"I have a gift for Tea," said Mai. Tea eagerly ripped open the package.
"Make-up?"
"Well, hon, like, you need it," said Mai. The whole room burst into laughter, except Tea who burst into tears.
"Okay, then. Here you go, Seto," said Isis. Seto looked at her.
"YOU got me a present?" he asked.
"Yeah," said Isis. "Any problems?"
"No," said Seto, opening the tiny package. "OH MY GOD! IT'S THE WINGED DRAGON OF RA! I LOVE YOU!"
Everything in the room stopped, and everyone looked at Seto and Isis.
"Oh, crap! I was hoping that I'd be dead by your wedding!" said Malik.
"What? No, I was talking to the God Card!" said Seto.
"God card?" Malik asked. "Hey that's mine! IT'S MY GOD CARD SETO KAIBA! OVER MY DEAD BODY WILL IT EVER FALL INTO YOUR POSESSION!"
"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED!" screamed Seto. Before Malik could do anything, Isis hit Malik on the back of his head again.
"The picture, remember Malik?" asked Isis.
"Oh never mind," said Malik. "Oh, yeah. Here's your present Yami Bakura."
"Bendy straws! YES! Thank you, Malik!" said Yami Bakura happily.
"I guess it's time for me to give you your present, huh Malik? Okay, here you go," said Yami. Malik looked at him suspiciously, but took the gift.
"A pocket knife! Isis confiscated my other thirty! I don't hate you anymore, Yami!" said Malik.
"And join us next time on the Relationship Recovery Show, for the Wedding Special!" said Seto sarcastically, still clutching his God Card.
"Shut up, Kaiba!" said Yami and Malik.
"Hey, Seto, are they-"
"I seriously hope not," Seto interrupted Isis. "By the way, thanks for the God Card Isis."
"You're welcome, Seto," said Isis. Then they smiled.
"And we're looking at the future stars of America's Funniest Baby Showers!" said Malik.
"Your point being?" asked Isis, winking at Seto. Malik stared in absolute terror.
"What?" he sputtered. Isis and Seto snickered.
"Here, Yugi, I got you a teddy just like mine! That way, they can be friends too!" said Rebecca. Yugi pretended to look happy.
"It's the best gift ever," he lied. "Oh yeah!" Yugi left the room and returned with twelve sleeping bags.
"That's quite a collection, Yugi," said Isis.
"Well, it's from all those times Tea camped out in front of the house hoping to see Yami in his pajamas. It's never happened, though. Yami doesn't own pajamas," said Yugi.
"What in the underworld are pajamas?" asked Yami.
"I have a little gift for everyone!" said Isis. The room fell silent.
"What?" asked Malik. Isis smiled at him in a way that made him think he was looking in a mirror.
"A bit of entertainment, if you will," said Isis. And she held up a picture. Malik's jaw dropped, while everyone in the room burst into laughter. Even Yugi. But no one laughed harder than Yami Bakura.
"I took the picture! Isis paid me, of course," said Yami Bakura.
"I told you to burn the picture of me lying drunk under the table at the restaurant, Yami Bakura! I hate you!" he screamed.
"I did, but Isis had another copy. Oh, and this was after you got into a fight with one of your Rare Hunters and he bashed you over the head with a chair," said Yami Bakura.
"Juvenile violence," said Yami, shaking his head.
"Well, of course it's juvenile to you. Yugi's grandpa is juvenile to you!" said Malik.
"Oh, Yugi, speaking of pictures, before everyone turns in for the night, can I use your computer?" asked Seto.
"Sure," said Yugi, puzzled.
After Yugi had gotten rid of everyone the following afternoon, for that's when they all woke up, he sat down in front of his computer.
"Oh my God!" Yugi exclaimed. Yami sleepily came out of the Puzzle. Hey, he wasn't going anywhere.
"What, Yugi?" he asked.
"Nothing!" said Yugi, attempting to cover the screen.
"Yugi..." Yami threatened.
"Oh, fine. Looks like you have another New Year's present, courtesy of Seto Kaiba," said Yugi. He removed his hands from the monitor.
"KAIBA!" Yami screamed. "Oh, he will pay."
"I guess you don't appreciate having you and your pink apron publicly announced," said Yugi.
"No, I don't," said Yami, setting to work plotting ways to kill Seto Kaiba. 'Oh, why did Malik and Yami Bakura have to steal my bomb?' he thought miserably.
JK: Wow, that's one long story. So I'll spare you the anguish of reading a long author's note. I hope everyone liked it, though.
Yami: Run Seto, because you are going to pay.
Seto: I'm sure.
Malik: I can't believe you kept that picture.
Isis: Well, here's another one. But the boys wouldn't be interested.
(All the girls crowd around Isis. The picture is of Malik when he was about ten hugging Isis. And this is an actual screen shot.)
Dark Shadows: Oh my God you were so cute! And nice, too.
JK: Yeah, what happened?
Malik: Must you be so cynical?! We get enough of that from Kaiba.
Dark Shadows: Ha! You're like Kaiba!
JK: And you love Yami.
Dark Shadows: No. I love Maliky-poo now.
Malik: Did you just call me Maliky-poo?!
Dark Shadows: Maybe.
JK: Okay, everyone please review! Anyone who does gets a virtual million dollar bill! Sorry, but that's the best we underpaid fanfiction authors can bribe you with.
Seto: What do you mean, underpaid? You get paid to torment us?
JK: No, but it fit the sentence. So shut up.
Tea: Yeah, Seto-weto. (pinches Seto's cheek)
Seto (steaming): You hag. If you touch me again, I will push you off the roof of Kaiba Corp. Do you comprehend that?
Tea: No.
JK: I give up with attempting to control all of you.
JK: Welcome, Ladies, Gentlemen, and Tea!
Tea: How come you say my name separately?
JK: I just felt that I should include everyone in my greeting.
Tea: But I'm a gentleman!
(Everyone stares at her strangely.)
Tea: What? I am!
(People continue to stare.)
Yugi: Oh my God! I went out with you!
Dark Shadows: But then again, you're a girl, so it makes perfect sense!
Seto: Finally someone noticed!
Dark Shadows: Yes Master!
Seto: Excuse me? Don't you like Yami? Shouldn't you be the Pharaoh's Servant?
Dark Shadows: But you already are!
Seto: Okay, just because I was a priest, does not mean I was his servant!
Dark Shadows: Sure.
(Seto fumes.)
Joey: Ha! A twelve-year-old beat Seto Kaiba in an argument!
Seto: Shut up, insolent dog!
Dark Shadows: Go me, go me.etc.
Tea: But I am!
Yami: Look down, will you?
Dark Shadows: AHHH! Pervert! (Whacks Yami on the head)
Yami: What? I was trying to get a point across.
JK: And, anyway, you should talk, Dark Shadows.
(Dark Shadows laughs nervously.)
(Tea glances down.)
Tea: OH. Okay, never mind.
JK: Why must people like you surround me?
Dark Shadows: Um, the laws of fanfiction?
JK: Ah, yes.
(Malik arrives on his infamous motorcycle.)
Malik: What's up, homies?
Isis: I swear with Ra as my witness that if you don't speak like a normal human being, I will kill you with your own Rod!
Joey (offended): What, I'm not a normal human being?
All (turning to face him): No.
(Isis takes out the Millennium Rod.)
Isis: As you can see, I'm not afraid to go through your things if a good cause is involved.
Seto: You went through his underwear drawer?!
Isis: Well, I-wait, how do you know where it was?
Seto: I-um-can we just start the story?!
Yami: What, did you install cameras in his room?
Dark Shadows: Is that a rhetorical question?
Seto: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!
Tea: Of course I am.
Seto: So, what brilliant idea have you come up with today? Another fic where you torture me?
JK: No, actually, this has nothing to do with torturing Seto. You are all going to get together and have a little New Year's Party.
Isis: That's it?
JK: Yup.
Yami: What do we have to do?
JK: It's entirely up to you.
Yami: So who's throwing the party?
(Yugi raises his hand.)
Seto: Oh, yeah, what a lively party this will be!
Yugi: Well, I was thinking we could get eachother gifts.
Tea: Aw, what a cute idea!
Seto: Forget it. I'm not doing anything Tea thinks is cute.
Yami (nudging Seto and muttering): You never know, you might have to get a present for Isis.
Seto: I don't care! I don't want to get anyone anything.
(JK sighs.)
JK: You know, you're really stingy for a millionaire.
Seto: Why thank you.
JK: Okay, Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine, so you can't sue me! I'm just an obsessed fan with too much time on my hands.
Dark Shadows: Are you getting depressed? Because I could kill Tea to cheer you up.
JK: Nah, this is too much fun.
Yugi anxiously paced around his room. Yami, noticing this, came out of the Puzzle.
"Why so nervous, Yugi?" he asked.
"I'm waiting for people to answer to my New Year's Eve Party invitations," Yugi said. Just then, the phone rang. Yugi ran to pick it up.
"Hello?" he squeaked excitedly.
"Hi Yugi! Me and Seto will be there at 8 o'clock sharp!" said Mokuba with equal excitement.
"But...the party's at 10," Yugi said tentatively.
"Yeah, like I said, me and Seto will be there at 8 o'clock sharp," repeated Mokuba. At the other end of the line, Yugi heard someone pick up.
"I would not be caught dead anywhere near your New Year's Party!" came the voice of Seto Kaiba. Yami heard this, considering Yugi was holding the phone at arm's length. He took the phone from Yugi, who was only too eager to hand it over.
"Hey, Kaiba, Isis might be there," said Yami.
"Oh. Well, in that case, we'll will be there at 8 o'clock sharp!" said Seto happily and hung up without so much as a goodbye. Yami smiled to himself; in an evil sort of way. Yugi failed to notice this.
"Wow, Yami! I'm surprised. That was a really noble thing to do!" He said admirably. But then his demeanor changed. "What are you scheming?"
"I did it to make you happy, aibou!" Yami said defensively. Yugi seemed convinced, but Yami disappeared into the Puzzle with other ideas on his mind.
Yugi spent the rest of the day hovering near the phone. At about 4, Tea called.
"Of course I'll come, Yugi. But I have no clue what to wear," said Tea.
"Then shouldn't you consult someone else?" Yugi asked.
"Like who?"
"A girl," said Yugi.
"Oh." Yugi heard Tea hang up and shrugged. She was always a queer one. By the end of the day, everyone had called Yugi and agreed to come. That is, everyone except Isis and Malik Ishtar.
//Yami, Isis and Malik haven't called yet.// Yugi thought.
/I have a sneaking suspicion that Malik got to the invitation before Isis. Or maybe they just don't know how to use a phone. But then again, neither do I./ said Yami.
//But then they won't be there! And I bought too much food! Plus, the whole gift idea will be thrown off!// Yugi thought. Yami could sense that his aibou's feeble mind was in turmoil.
/Aibou, why don't you call them and invite them personally?/ Yami suggested.
//Eh, why not?/ Yugi thought, gathering himself. He picked up the phone, dialed their number, and waited. The phone rang six times, but someone finally picked up.
"Hello? What the hell do you want at this hour?!" they said groggily. It was Malik.
"Nice to-er-hear you too, Malik. What do you mean, at this hour? It's only 8," said Yugi.
"And, personally, I'm surprised it's not past your bedtime. Anyway, I have to get up early to pick up Isis. She's on some stupid archaeological expedition and she's coming back at 5 in the morning. And I have to bring the car over. I don't get why the annoying hag can't take a cab," said Malik.
"Er-" That was all Yugi had time to say before Yami took over.
"How dare you call your sister a hag?! Are you out of your mind?!" he screeched.
"Yes."
"You know, I'd be more than happy to pick her up for you. You can get some sleep..."
"Shut your big, putrid, ancient mouth, Pharaoh! I don't trust you!"
"Okay then. Now widdle Yugi has a question to ask," said Yami, and then returned to his soul room. Back at his house, Malik stared at the phone like it was a bomb that was about to go off.
"Malik, did you by any chance get my invitation?" asked Yugi.
"Invitation? Oh, so that's what the letter with the teddy bear background was. I thought they were offering us the Barney tape collection again."
"So can you come?" asked Yugi.
"Sure, I guess. Who will be there?" said Malik.
"Everyone," said Yugi vaguely. "If you noticed, there are two pieces of paper taped to your invitation. They say the names of who you and Isis have to get a present for," explained Yugi.
"Oh," said Malik, digging the invitation out of the garbage can.
"You have to get a present for the person you got," said Yugi.
"Okay, whatever. So what's the special occasion?" said Malik.
"Don't you know?" asked Yugi.
"No."
"New Year's Eve!"
"Oh, damn it! You mean it's already December?"
"It's almost January..." said Yugi. Back in his soul room, Yami was laughing hysterically.
/Oh Ra! The sadist doesn't even know what month it is! Even I know, and I'm not of this time! Ask him what year it is, Yugi./ Yami said.
"Malik, do you know what year it is?" asked Yugi.
"Of course, 1999 right?" said Malik.
"No, we're approaching 2003." said Yugi.
"Well, you try living underground for most of your life and see how easy it'll be keeping track of the days!" screamed Malik.
"Ah! Mole people!" Yugi screamed, dropping the phone.
/Oh, come on, aibou, be reasonable. There's no such thing./ said Yami, sighing.
//You once said that there was no such thing as people with two genders, and you saw how Pegasus turned out!// Yugi thought. Yami just sighed again. Malik, meanwhile, hung up.
/Hey Yugi, who did you invite?/ Yami asked.
//Well, there's Joey, Kaiba, Mokuba, Serenity, Tristan, Tea--//
/Whoa! You invited the hag?!// Yami asked in disbelief.
//Yeah, and I also invited Bakura, Yami Bakura, Mai, Isis, Malik, you, and Rebecca.// thought Yugi. Yami came out of the Puzzle just to see the expression on Yugi's face.
"Ha! I knew it! You're blushing!" said Yami.
"Shut up, Yami!" Yugi screamed turning, if possible, even redder.
"Aw, what's the matter? My widdle aibou has a widdle cwush on a widdle 8-year-old?" Yami teased.
"It's not funny, Yami! I don't like her!" said Yugi.
"For a person claiming they don't like someone, you're getting very defensive," said Yami.
"At least I don't like Tea! Oh, I forgot to ask. How did your date go?" asked Yugi.
"That's the last straw! No one insults me without facing serious consequences! I challenge you to a duel!" said Yami.
"Okay!"
"Wait, there's one problem," said Yami sadly.
"What?"
"We have only one deck."
While Yami and Yugi were being stupid, Seto and Mokuba were out shopping.
"So, Seto, who do you have to get a gift for?" Mokuba asked.
"Joey Wheeler," said Seto, smiling.
"And you're happy about that? I thought you hated him," said Mokuba.
"I do, and that's the best part! Because I know exactly what to get him," said Seto.
"Oh. I have to get a gift for Isis," said Mokuba thoughtfully. Seto stopped smiling.
"Hey Mokuba, how about a trade?" asked Seto hopefully.
"NO!" said Mokuba, clutching the paper.
"I'll find another way to get it form you!" said Seto.
"No you won't!"
"Just watch!" said Seto, and flung himself onto his little brother. After a long struggle during which the limo appeared to be shaking, Seto was holding the little piece of paper.
"YES!" he cried triumphantly. Mokuba didn't appear too happy. He was choking back sobs, struggling so as not to cry. Seto sighed. He should've known this would happen. In a disgruntled sort of way, he handed the piece of paper back to Mokuba.
"Here, you can have it. I don't see why I cared," he said. Mokuba smiled, and flung his arms around Seto's neck.
"Thank you! You're the best big brother in the world!" Mokuba said, admiring Seto's "greatness."
"Here we are," said Seto as they pulled over in front of a pet shop.
"What could we possibly get for Joey here?" asked Mokuba. Seto just smiled. Mokuba shuddered. Seto was a little too happy.
After Seto got what he needed, he took it back to the counter.
"Can you wrap it?" he asked. The woman stared at him.
"Y-you want this wrapped?" she asked him incredulously.
"What, is it suddenly illegal to wrap things for multi-millionaires?" asked Seto. "Or CEOs of Kaiba Corp?"
"Oh, Mr. Kaiba, sir, it's just that people don't normally wrap things in a pet store. But I'm sure I'll manage," she said, flushed. While she rumaged for the wrapping paper, Seto watched idly as Mokuba looked at little puppies.
"Seto, this one looks familiar," said Mokuba, pointing to a Chihuahua.
"Hmm, that's because it looks like Joey," said Seto.
"Oh," said Mokuba, with an air of understanding.
"Here, Mr. Kaiba," the woman said. Seto grabbed the package from her and walked out. Mokuba followed him.
Malik sleepily got into Isis' car, well aware that if he got so much as a scratch on it his older sister would skin him alive.
Yawning, he muttered, "At least I know Isis will never agree to go to this stupid party." Backing out of the driveway, he knocked over his eccentric neighbor's garbage can.
"Ishtar, you'll pay for that!" he screamed. 'Damn, doesn't that guy go to sleep?' Malik thought.
"It's just a freaking garbage can!" Malik screamed.
"Yeah, and it's the fifth time this week!" his neighbor said. Malik jolted. If his sister found out about him driving her car...two words: total chaos. Praying that his neighbor would get drunk and forget, Malik proceeded toward the airport.
About two hours later, Malik watched Isis come out of the airport surrounded by her colleagues. She did not look pleased.
"Okay, get the hell away from me!" she screamed. They reluctantly went in the other direction. Isis got in the car and sat behind the wheel.
"Er...Isis?" Malik asked cautiously. In the condition she was in, Isis was liable to explode.
"What? You didn't damage my car did you?" she asked.
"No, I'm just curious. What happened to you?" Malik asked.
"Nothing."
"Let me guess, Seto forgot to call," said Malik, abandoning caution.
"No. Believe me, Malik, that is the least of my problems."
"Aha! So he did forget to call!" said Malik.
"I will bash my suitcase over your head, Malik," said Isis.
"Anyway, I guess you won't want to go to the party Yugi's throwing tomorrow," said Malik.
"Of course I'll go. Seto might be there," said Isis. Malik raised his eyebrows.
"I mean, we could duel," Isis said quickly. Malik pretended to believe her. At least she'd be happy with who she would be forced to get a present for.
"Seto we're late!" said Mokuba the next evening.
"Mokuba, the party's at 10," said Seto.
"But you said we'd be there at 8 o'clock sharp! And it's 8:01! That's what you said Seto!"
"Fine, get in the car."
A happy Mokuba and a ticked off Seto arrived at the Mutou household in a matter of minutes. Hardly able to contain his excitement, Mokuba rang the doorbell. Yugi answered.
"What are you two doing here? The party isn't for another two hours!" said Yugi. But Seto was focused on what was going on inside the house. Yami, wearing a pink apron around his waist, was dusting a bookshelf. Seto took a camera out of his briefcase and quickly clicked the shutter.
"I knew that would come in handy someday," said Seto.
"Hey I wasn't ready!" Yami screamed. Yami took off the apron and sat at the table. Seto decided to take a seat on the couch.
"You call that a tv?" he asked, disapproving.
"Yes, I do," said Yami. "Remind me, though. What's a tv?"
"I was talking to Yugi, you moron," said Seto.
"Oh, I didn't know you were interested in my aibou," said Yami, smirking. Seto had him pinned to the wall in a flash.
"You repeat that, Yami, and I swear you won't live to say it a third time," said Seto.
"I can't die," said Yami, relieved that his statement was true. Nothing was scarier than a ticked off powerful person. Well, except a ticked off girl with a heavy purse. (Yami had tons of experience with Mai, Tea, and even Isis once.) So Seto let Yami fall to the floor and then took his place at the table. Mokuba, after making sure Seto wasn't going to kill Yami (or at least attempt to), went to go help Yugi in the kitchen.
"Isis, why do I have to go?!" Malik fumed in the car. Isis sighed, not planning to answer a fifth time.
"Answer me, Ishizu!" Malik yelled. Isis increased the volume on the car radio. "Same to you," he muttered.
Isis pulled over in front of the Game Shop.
"Hey, Yami Bakura!" Malik called, getting out of the car. The white-haired yami grunted in reply, looking at the door closely.
"What's wrong?" Isis asked.
"Well, I went separately from the Weakling and I can't seem to get this stupid door open without him," Yami Bakura admitted. Isis choked back laughter.
"Did you try the doorbell?" she asked.
"What's a doorbell?" asked Yami Bakura and Malik.
"Forget it," said Isis, ringing the doorbell.
"Hi guys! Presents go on that table," said Yugi. "And sit somewhere there." Malik and Yami Bakura immediately went off to search for a bomb or at least some fireworks to bring the New Year in with a bang. Though it is still unclear why they expected to find something of that sort in Yugi's house.
Seto was admiring his Blue Eyes White Dragons when he was interrupted by an annoying voice.
"Oh my God! It's Seto Kaiba! The awesome, incredible, smart, and hot Duel Monsters World Champion!" squealed Rebecca. She sat down next to him; an action Seto was dreading. He was hoping to reserve that seat for another person.
"Shouldn't you be flirting with people your own age?" asked Seto, then glancing at Yugi. "Or at least your own height?"
"Teddy, Kaiba may be cute but he's a jerk. Let's go find Yugi. He's nice," said Rebecca. Mokuba then ran to his older brother.
"Is she gone? That is one weird girl," Mokuba commented. "She talks to the bear."
"To be honest," said Seto, "I feel sorry for that bear. Imagine having to be in her presence all day long."
After everyone had arrived and Yugi spent about ten minutes trying to get their attention, Mai spoke.
"Okay, I'm in charge of game plans. First, we're going to play Spin the Bottle." There was giggling from everyone except Isis and Seto. (Malik and Yami Bakura were still pointlessly searching for bombs.) Seto and Isis glanced at each other, then nodded.
"So, Yugi was kind enough to provide us with a bottle. But be careful with it, since it's the only one he could spare," said Mai. Seto nudged Isis. Time to implement their little silent plan.
"Hey, Mai? Can I see the bottle?" Isis asked.
"I don't see why, but okay," said Mai, giving Isis the bottle. Isis stood up and dropped the bottle on the-thankfully-non-carpeted floor. It shattered into little pieces.
"Aw, damn you! I just finished cleaning!" Yami screamed. One look from both Isis and Seto silenced him.
"Well, we could play Truth or Dare," Mai suggested. Just then Yami Bakura and Malik showed up, grinning for some strange reason. Isis suspected that they had succeeded in finding whatever they were looking for. She knew Malik all too well.
"Play what?" Malik asked.
"Truth or Dare."
Realizing they couldn't sabotage this game, Isis and Seto said, "Count me out."
"Yeah, they're afraid they'll have to kiss in public," Malik sneered. Isis and Seto pretended not to hear this.
"Kaiba will play, unless he's a coward," said Yami.
"Are you challenging me, Yami?" Seto asked.
"Maybe," said Yami. "But I unfortunately don't know how to play this game."
"Some King of Games you turned out to be," said Seto.
"Well, allow me to explain." And so Mai proceeded to explain the ever-so- complicated rules of Truth or Dare. "Yami, truth or dare?"
"I pick dare," said Yami.
"Brave, aren't we? I dare you to duel Rebecca and lose on purpose," said Mai. Yami looked crestfallen.
"Lose? On purpose? But I've never even lost by accident!" Yami screamed.
"You lost to me," Seto pointed out.
"No, Yugi lost to you. If the naïve midget and the hag hadn't interfered, you would've died and I would've won. And the world would've been a happier place," He added as an afterthought.
"Come on, Pharaoh. You honestly think I would've fallen off? I would have jumped down, stolen your star chips, and gone into the castle anyway. Puh- lease," said Seto.
"The dare, Yami," Mai reminded him.
"I want another one," Yami said, pleading.
"Fine, but only because it's your first time. I dare you to go and sit next to Tea for the rest of the game," said Mai.
"That's even worse!" he yelled. Tea, who wasn't sitting next to anyone for obvious reasons, gestured for Yami to join her. Not wanting to appear cowardly, Yami did. She inched closer to him, and Yami crawled away as fast as possible.
"Is this what I get for not going to Hell when I was supposed to?" he asked miserably.
"It's your turn Yami," said Yugi.
"Okay, Malik, truth or dare?" he asked.
"Truth."
"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked.
"This isn't one of those Dr. Love shows. We're playing a game that's intended to embarrass everyone and be funny," said Bakura. Every eye was on him.
"BAKURA?" they exclaimed incredulously.
"What?"
"But you're separated from your yami. How could you-"
Yami interrupted Tea before another friendship speech could be said. "Answer the question, Ishtar!"
"Because you killed my father!" Malik exclaimed. Isis hit him on the back of the head.
"You stubborn mule! How many times do I have to tell you that your own yami killed him?" she asked.
"Oh, well then it's because you're Pharaoh," said Malik.
"O...kay. Your turn."
"Kaiba!" said Malik.
"Dare," said Seto instantly.
"I dare you to...make out with your mirror reflection," said Malik.
"Hell no! What kind of fool do you take me for?" Seto asked.
"What's the matter Seto? You do it all the time at home," said Mokuba.
Tea erupted into a fit of giggles. "And I thought you were straight."
"You ought to talk!" Seto barked. Then he studied his brother. "Who gave you alcohol?" Malik nudged Isis and winked.
"But that's not all we found," Yami Bakura whispered.
"Oh, what joy," she said sarcastically.
"My turn!" said Seto. "Joey, truth or dare?"
"Hey, you didn' do your dare!" said Joey.
"Fine," he said, blowing a kiss to the mirror in the hallway.
"Eh, fine. I ain't no coward. Dare," said Joey.
"I was hoping you'd say that," said Seto, and ran off to fetch something. Joey's eyes widened in horror when he saw what it was.
"No!" he said.
"You picked dare. It's your fault," said Seto. Joey halfheartedly put on the doggie outfit. "And you have to wear that for the rest of the game." Joey, sulking, took his place between Serenity and Tristan. (And we all know why he chose that particular seat.)
"Isis, truth or dare?" Joey asked.
"Considering the fact that I have some sanity, I pick truth," she said.
"Okay, do you love Seto?" asked Joey.
"Oh, yeah, I love him. I want to get married and move into his house, and then I want to send Mokuba to a boarding school so we can be alone," said Isis sarcastically. Joey looked horrified again, right to his little doggie ears.
"Seriously?" asked Joey.
"No, you moron!" said Isis.
"You better be," said Malik.
"I'm sorry, little brother, do you have a photograph to share with us?" asked Isis.
"No," said Malik.
"Because I do," said Isis. She smiled. "But I'll save it for after midnight. And as it's my turn, I'll ask Tea."
"Dare," she said.
"I dare you to go lock yourself in a closet and stay there for the next half hour," said Isis. Everyone looked like they could hail her.
"Oh, fine. But I'll ask someone else first. Mokuba!" she said.
"Dare," said Mokuba.
"I dare you to ki-" Seto was clutching her wrist and threatening to twist it out of the socket.
"I mean, hug Rebecca," said Tea. Mokuba did so, and even kissed her on the cheek.
"Awwww, how cute," said Tea. Seto proceeded to twist her hand. "OW!"
"Don't you have a closet waiting for you?" he asked. Tea got up and went to a nearby closet.
"Okay, Isis, I want to ask you. Truth or dare?" said Mokuba.
"Dare," said Isis.
"I dare you to kiss Seto," said Mokuba.
"NO!" said Isis, Seto, and every other boy present. (Excluding Yugi.)
"Why doesn't Yugi just ask someone and then we'll eat?" Mai suggested.
"Yami, truth or dare?" asked Yugi.
"Ugh, why me again? Dare," he said. What could his naïve minded aibou possibly come up with?
"I dare you to continually propose to Mai until she says yes," said Yugi.
"Someone's been watching the Discovery Channel," said Seto. (A/N: I don't mean it like that.)
"No, I was reading Marriage Magazine this morning. My grandpa gets it delivered every day," said Yugi.
"Fine. Mai, will you marry me?"
"Okay," she said. "That was lame, Yugi." Yugi shrugged and went into the kitchen to get the food onto plates. By the time he was finished, Tea had come out of the closet.
Yami Bakura was having a little dilemma. He was staring longingly at a can of tomatoes.
"What's up, Yami Bakura?" asked Malik.
"I want some tomatoes," he said sadly.
"And that's a problem?"
"Well, how do you expect me to get the tomatoes out?! My head doesn't fit in the can!" he screamed. The whole table burst into laughter.
"How primitive can you get?" asked Seto in disgust.
"Well, you probably have people put their heads in cans for you!" said Yami Bakura. More laughter.
"Oh, cool! It's 11:58!" said Yugi suddenly.
"Which means it's past your bedtime, aibou," said Yami.
"Not funny!" said Yugi.
"You know, in Egypt, I remember my parents used to have little parties and invite everyone. And they'd make me stay outside so I wouldn't upset the guests. But that was before I set the house on fire and they died," said Yami Bakura.
"Forget it, it's midnight! Time for the fireworks!" said Malik. He and Yami Bakura ran outside to start some fireworks. Everyone then proceeded to go outside as well. Mokuba was squealing in happiness, since the fresh air had thankfully made him sober.
"This is so fun it should be illegal!" said Yugi.
"I think it is," said Seto as the remains of a firework landed on his head. "Hey Isis, why so glum?"
Isis was brushing soot off her clothing, and saying phrases such as "I will kill Malik, Malik will pay, and someone's sleeping in the gutter tonight." But their attention was diverted after a very loud explosion.
"MY CAR!" Mai screamed, as bits of it fell onto everyone's head. Malik and Yami Bakura were giggling like giddy schoolgirls.
"Isis, we told you that the alcohol wasn't all we found," said Yami Bakura.
"And where'd you get the bomb? From your soul room?" asked Seto.
"No. After looking through all the torture devices I realized I'd run out. So we just borrowed the one Yami had," said Yami Bakura. Isis glared daggers at him, so he immediately shut up. 'Damn, that gaze is penetrating,' he thought.
After the last of the fireworks had ceased, everyone went back in the house.
"Now we can open the gifts!" said Yugi. "Why don't you go first, Joey."
"Okay, here you go, Mokuba," said Joey. Mokuba unwrapped the gift excitedly. His face fell when he saw what it was.
"A brush."
"Yeah, one thing your brother never had enough brains to give you," said Joey. He expected Seto to do something, but Seto placidly said, "Why don't you open your gift?"
Joey hungrily tore at the wrapping paper. "What's this?"
"Well, you know how Yugi has a Millennium Puzzle? I decided to get you a Millennium Muzzle! I mean, seriously Wheeler, you talk too much. And it also fits your doggie personality!" said Seto. Joey looked like he could kill someone.
"Why you-"
"My turn! Here you go, Isis!" said Mokuba, handing her a gift.
"Wow, a tool kit! Thanks Mokuba!" she said, hugging him. Malik glared at them.
"It's not fair," he said to Yami Bakura, "I got her one just a week ago and she complained that she already had one. Stupid hag."
"Well, maybe the one you got her was crappy," he replied.
"Okay, I had to buy something for Rebecca," said Serenity. It turned out to be a Barbie doll, which Rebecca absolutely loved.
"And I got you this, Bakura," said Yugi. Bakura daintily unwrapped the packaging.
"What in the world did you get me a suit of armor for?" asked Bakura.
"Protection," said Yugi, glancing at Yami Bakura.
"Oh, I get it," said Bakura.
"My turn! Here you go, Serenity," said Tristan. Serenity opened the envelope.
"It's a check. For...200,000 dollars!" she said in awe.
"My life savings. But, that's okay Serenity. Anything for you," said Tristan.
After cursing Tristan out and kicking him in the shins, Joey said, "Hey sis, mind splittin' that?"
"Yes, I mind," said Serenity.
"I spent 3 million dollars on your freakin' operation and you're saying no?! I could have let you go blind!" said Joey.
"But you didn't, did you?" said Serenity. Tea, meanwhile, gave Yami her gift.
"Wine, Cognac, other kinds of liquor that I can't identify, and gourmet French chocolate," said Yami. "Not bad."
"I'll be working at Burger Palooza for the next five years, but I don't mind. Now will you consider going out with me?"
"No," said Yami flatly.
"Oh, here Mai. Happy New Year," said Bakura politely.
"You got me a sweater?" she asked.
"Well, yes. You-well you-you know-kind of-well, need more-need more-oh, who am I kidding? You need more clothing on you, Mai!" said Bakura, blushing insanely.
"Thanks," said Mai, looking like he'd just force-fed poison to her.
"And I got a gift for Tristan," said Yami Bakura, smiling sadistically.
"Where is it?" asked Tristan.
"Oh, it's more of a virtual present," said Yami Bakura. "I'm sure you'll like it. Morphing Jar!" And so Tristan was swept away into the Graveyard, never to be seen again. Well, at least not until the next morning.
"A trip to the Graveyard? Wish I thought of that!" said Malik.
"I have a gift for Tea," said Mai. Tea eagerly ripped open the package.
"Make-up?"
"Well, hon, like, you need it," said Mai. The whole room burst into laughter, except Tea who burst into tears.
"Okay, then. Here you go, Seto," said Isis. Seto looked at her.
"YOU got me a present?" he asked.
"Yeah," said Isis. "Any problems?"
"No," said Seto, opening the tiny package. "OH MY GOD! IT'S THE WINGED DRAGON OF RA! I LOVE YOU!"
Everything in the room stopped, and everyone looked at Seto and Isis.
"Oh, crap! I was hoping that I'd be dead by your wedding!" said Malik.
"What? No, I was talking to the God Card!" said Seto.
"God card?" Malik asked. "Hey that's mine! IT'S MY GOD CARD SETO KAIBA! OVER MY DEAD BODY WILL IT EVER FALL INTO YOUR POSESSION!"
"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED!" screamed Seto. Before Malik could do anything, Isis hit Malik on the back of his head again.
"The picture, remember Malik?" asked Isis.
"Oh never mind," said Malik. "Oh, yeah. Here's your present Yami Bakura."
"Bendy straws! YES! Thank you, Malik!" said Yami Bakura happily.
"I guess it's time for me to give you your present, huh Malik? Okay, here you go," said Yami. Malik looked at him suspiciously, but took the gift.
"A pocket knife! Isis confiscated my other thirty! I don't hate you anymore, Yami!" said Malik.
"And join us next time on the Relationship Recovery Show, for the Wedding Special!" said Seto sarcastically, still clutching his God Card.
"Shut up, Kaiba!" said Yami and Malik.
"Hey, Seto, are they-"
"I seriously hope not," Seto interrupted Isis. "By the way, thanks for the God Card Isis."
"You're welcome, Seto," said Isis. Then they smiled.
"And we're looking at the future stars of America's Funniest Baby Showers!" said Malik.
"Your point being?" asked Isis, winking at Seto. Malik stared in absolute terror.
"What?" he sputtered. Isis and Seto snickered.
"Here, Yugi, I got you a teddy just like mine! That way, they can be friends too!" said Rebecca. Yugi pretended to look happy.
"It's the best gift ever," he lied. "Oh yeah!" Yugi left the room and returned with twelve sleeping bags.
"That's quite a collection, Yugi," said Isis.
"Well, it's from all those times Tea camped out in front of the house hoping to see Yami in his pajamas. It's never happened, though. Yami doesn't own pajamas," said Yugi.
"What in the underworld are pajamas?" asked Yami.
"I have a little gift for everyone!" said Isis. The room fell silent.
"What?" asked Malik. Isis smiled at him in a way that made him think he was looking in a mirror.
"A bit of entertainment, if you will," said Isis. And she held up a picture. Malik's jaw dropped, while everyone in the room burst into laughter. Even Yugi. But no one laughed harder than Yami Bakura.
"I took the picture! Isis paid me, of course," said Yami Bakura.
"I told you to burn the picture of me lying drunk under the table at the restaurant, Yami Bakura! I hate you!" he screamed.
"I did, but Isis had another copy. Oh, and this was after you got into a fight with one of your Rare Hunters and he bashed you over the head with a chair," said Yami Bakura.
"Juvenile violence," said Yami, shaking his head.
"Well, of course it's juvenile to you. Yugi's grandpa is juvenile to you!" said Malik.
"Oh, Yugi, speaking of pictures, before everyone turns in for the night, can I use your computer?" asked Seto.
"Sure," said Yugi, puzzled.
After Yugi had gotten rid of everyone the following afternoon, for that's when they all woke up, he sat down in front of his computer.
"Oh my God!" Yugi exclaimed. Yami sleepily came out of the Puzzle. Hey, he wasn't going anywhere.
"What, Yugi?" he asked.
"Nothing!" said Yugi, attempting to cover the screen.
"Yugi..." Yami threatened.
"Oh, fine. Looks like you have another New Year's present, courtesy of Seto Kaiba," said Yugi. He removed his hands from the monitor.
"KAIBA!" Yami screamed. "Oh, he will pay."
"I guess you don't appreciate having you and your pink apron publicly announced," said Yugi.
"No, I don't," said Yami, setting to work plotting ways to kill Seto Kaiba. 'Oh, why did Malik and Yami Bakura have to steal my bomb?' he thought miserably.
JK: Wow, that's one long story. So I'll spare you the anguish of reading a long author's note. I hope everyone liked it, though.
Yami: Run Seto, because you are going to pay.
Seto: I'm sure.
Malik: I can't believe you kept that picture.
Isis: Well, here's another one. But the boys wouldn't be interested.
(All the girls crowd around Isis. The picture is of Malik when he was about ten hugging Isis. And this is an actual screen shot.)
Dark Shadows: Oh my God you were so cute! And nice, too.
JK: Yeah, what happened?
Malik: Must you be so cynical?! We get enough of that from Kaiba.
Dark Shadows: Ha! You're like Kaiba!
JK: And you love Yami.
Dark Shadows: No. I love Maliky-poo now.
Malik: Did you just call me Maliky-poo?!
Dark Shadows: Maybe.
JK: Okay, everyone please review! Anyone who does gets a virtual million dollar bill! Sorry, but that's the best we underpaid fanfiction authors can bribe you with.
Seto: What do you mean, underpaid? You get paid to torment us?
JK: No, but it fit the sentence. So shut up.
Tea: Yeah, Seto-weto. (pinches Seto's cheek)
Seto (steaming): You hag. If you touch me again, I will push you off the roof of Kaiba Corp. Do you comprehend that?
Tea: No.
JK: I give up with attempting to control all of you.