Anno Domini
Chapter 2
He hated seeing his daughter heartbroken. The entire town regarded him as a small-hearted grinch with no feelings at all, but he knew that wasn't true, and Amy and Bright did too. I should have tried harder to convince Andy to do surgery on Colin. All he had down was try to make it seem that just because Dr. Brown was his idol, he owed to him. It hadn't struck home, apparently.
Amy was trying hard not to cry, he could tell. She was biting her lip and looking at the ground. How is she supposed to live a normal, happy life now that Colin has been taken from her? How can she ever be joyous again? He felt the guilt rising inside him, bubbling inside his stomach and slowly moving its way up his esophagus, until he nearly choked on it. How could he have been so stupid? I should have known this would happen if I didn't try enough. It was that fierce pride of mine. I should have gotten on my knees and should have near begged for Andy to help save Colin's life. But he had been too proud and too arrogant to go that far.
Anger, mixed with the guilt, arose for Andy. The least he could have done was give a good reason to the Hart's. He could have said his hands were no longer equipped with a gift, that Colin had no chance of survival anyway, that he couldn't be saved. Instead, he had said that he was scared of the consequences if he failed. That he didn't have the stomach to face the world if the operation did not go well. That he would never forgive himself if he was the cause, ultimately, of Colin's death.
He glanced over to Andy, standing there with unthinkable pain in his eyes. No doubt he is more ready to kill himself than I am. Good, he thought, Andy deserves it.
\*/
His father held Delia's hand. She looked somber, her second funeral in a year. How is it possible that she has to go through so much death? She's too young for this, he thought bitterly.
Delia fidgeted a lot, looking at him as if saying, "Why are we here?" He didn't know why he was there either. Cursing himself, he thought that maybe Amy would need some help getting through this tragedy. Even when the entire town is stuck in pause over their finest, you are still absorbed with yourself and getting Amy. Shaking his head, he tried to concentrate on the minister's words. Mrs. Hart was all out sobbing by now, as her husband tried to console her. The Abbottt's were standing nearby. Bright was missing. Figures, he thought. He didn't show up to his best friend's funeral. Amy had still not cried, at least in public. He longed to talk to her, to try to get through, to hug her, and say it was okay. His heart lunged as she walked up to the coffin and placed a single white rose on it.
The tears began to come to his eyes. Why are you crying over someone you've never talked to? He could hit himself for being such a coward. For being a coward by not trying to get Amy, for not trying to help his father see how important Colin was to her, for not being able to talk to her now.
He felt even more cowardly than his father, the indestructible, amazing Andrew Brown, who had somehow failed the boy who lied inside the coffin as a physician.
But it was worse for Ephram, who had failed Amy as a friend.