Who Killed Drusilla?
"Anyone up for a game of Sunnydale Clue?"
"But you win all the time…"
"Come on…"
"Okay, let's play…"
Buffy hurried towards Giles' place. He said something was wrong, and that always meant Slayer wrong. She rushed in the small apartment, only to find everyone there; Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya and Spike.
"Hey, what's going on?" she asked.
"Ah, Buffy. You're here," said Giles. "Please sit, we can start."
Buffy sat, her face in a worried frown. "Ok, you guys are creeping me out. What happened?"
"Well, that's to be determined," said Giles, holding a hand to stop Spike from speaking. "It seems a vampire has been dusted."
"Dusted?" Buffy repeated. "But I didn't slay anyone tonight…"
"It's not just that. The vampire was Drusilla," added Xander.
"Drusilla? How do you know?" asked Buffy.
"Spike found Miss Edith floating in the river, near the cemetery," said Giles. "She was covered with Drusilla's ash."
"Oh," said Buffy, noting Spike's pained look. "That's…"
"So, why are we here again?" interrupted Anya.
Spike bounced off his chair and faced her. "To find out who killed her! Now I know it was one of you, speak up! Who did it?"
"I… I…" Anya was at a loss for words.
Xander sprung to her defense. "Hey! Lay off, Spike! It wasn't her!"
"Yeah, what makes you think it was any of us?" asked Willow.
"Who else would it be? You guys kill vampires… if it wasn't one of you, who would it be?"
No one could argue with his logic but Buffy countered, "So, what do you want, Spike?"
"I want to know who killed Drusilla and how and where. I won't rest until her murderer is found," he answered.
"How do we do that?" asked Buffy.
"We go thourgh the evidence like any investigator would," said Giles. He brought out a whiteboard from the inner room and set it up. "All right. Let's review. There's six of us here with means and motive to kill Drusilla. Myself, Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow and Spike." He wrote their names on the whiteboard.
"Me?! Why the bloody hell would I kill Dru?" Spike argued.
Willow answered, "Well, she did leave you for a Chaos demon, right? Final revenge?"
"Then, why would I be so hell-bent on finding her killer?" he countered.
"To get the focus off of you!" she argued back.
Buffy stood up. "Okay, guys, stop it! Look, if we're going to do this, we're ALL suspects, okay?" she said, looking pointedly at Spike. He grumbled but sat back down.
Giles continued, "There are only a few places in Sunnydale Drusilla would have gone; the cemetery, Willy's, the university, the Bronze, the hospital, the high school, and the Magic Box." Giles identified these locations on the map with little stickers.
"What about our homes? She knew where we lived," added Buffy.
"Good thinking," said Giles, adding stickers to Buffy's, Xander's and his places.
"Ooh, this is fun! Just like a game…" crooned Anya. One look from Spike though made her stop clapping her hands.
Giles cleared his throat and said, "Okay. Now Drusilla could have been killed by any means to kill a vampire, so the usual…"
He wrote them as Buffy read them out, bored. "Stake, cross, Holy Water, garlic, fire or sunlight."
"Well, we can rule out sunlight, it's nighttime…" added Anya.
Giles made to erase it when Willow hurriedly said, "Wait! No! We don't know when she died. Someone could have exposed her this afternoon."
"You're right," Giles said, putting the eraser down. "Now where do we start?"
"Well, who wanted Drusilla gone the most?" asked Anya.
They all turned to look at Spike. "Hey! I loved her, okay? I would never want her dead!"
"Still, she did leave you. Where were you tonight?" accused Buffy.
Spike glared at her, then said resignedly, "I was at Willy's getting drunk. Then I went home though the cemetery, where I found Miss Edith."
"Was anyone else there?" Giles asked.
"At Willy's, yeah. Half a dozen other vampires and demons. Willy served me personally."
"So, Spike has an alibi," mused Giles.
"But not at the cemetery," piped Willow. "Besides, isn't that where he conveniently found Miss Edith?"
"Yeah, he could have dusted her there," added Xander.
Giles looked at the board. He crossed Willy's off the map, but kept Spike's name.
"But she might have been dusted elsewhere and the murderer dumped Miss Edith in the river afterwards. She would have clutched Miss Edith enough for her dust to get into the doll," deduced Anya.
"Okay, so not the cemetery for sure. But definitely not Willy's. There would have been a demon uproar if a vampire was killed there," added Buffy.
"I think it was the whelp," said Spike, thoughtfully. "He killed my Dru…"
"Now wait a minute!" jumped Xander. "I resent the accusation!" he yelled pointing at Spike.
"Xander, sit down!" exclaimed Buffy.
"But I didn't see the psycho!" said Xander, sitting down.
Anya wrapped her arm around him and said, "Yeah, he was with me."
"Where?" asked Willow.
Xander scowled, "Back at my place."
"Yeah, we were having sex," said Anya.
"An!"
"What?! Well, we were!"
"Remember…? Ah, never mind…"
"All right," said Giles. "Despite the graphic details, I think we can rule both Xander and Anya out."
"No, wait a minute! Red said the murder could have happened before. They probably weren't together all bloody day," said Spike.
"True. Where were you guys before… you know," asked Buffy.
"The Magic Box," answered Anya. "I was counting the money."
"Anyone with you?" asked Giles.
Anya brightened. "Yeah, I was with Tara. You know, that new witch friend of Willow's? She wanted some eye of newt."
"Oh! For our fireball spell? Cool! I can't wait to try it!" said an excited Willow.
Spike strode to the whiteboard. "So, the chit's out," he said, crossing her name off, "but the wanker stays."
"Oh, no, dead boy. I was at the Sunnydale High. I met up with my boss to go over the last blueprints for the new school."
"They're actually going to rebuild the school?" whispered Willow.
"Yup, getting lots of commission for it, too."
Giles took the marker from Spike and crossed off Xander's name. "So, both Xander and Anya have alibis. I doubt Tara or Xander's boss would have kept silent at the sight of any of them staking a vampire."
"Well, we don't know it's a stake for sure, right?" asked Buffy. "Ooh, wait!" She ran off to the other room.
"What…?" asked Xander before Anya said, "So, the murder could also NOT have taken place in either the Magic Box, the old High School or Xander's place."
"Right," said Giles, as he crossed off those places from the map.
Buffy came back and sat, saying, "Twenty-eight stakes, thirty crosses. All accounted for. You can take those off the lists."
"Except that you can make a stake out of any piece of wood and crosses are in practically every church…" said Spike.
"Oh, yeah, right," said Buffy. "How are we going to know what killed her, then?"
"Well, you'd need a lot of garlic to kill a vampire and it isn't garlic season, so…" Giles crossed off garlic.
"And Dru would have been smart enough not to get caught in the sunlight," said Anya, prompting Giles to erase that one.
Spike picked up Miss Edith and smelled her. "The ashes are burnt, meaning she wasn't staked." Giles crossed off stake.
"Okay, so she could have been killed with a cross, Holy Water or fire…" mused Xander.
"Or a witch having perfected a fireball spell…" accused Spike. "So, Red, was it you?"
"N-N-No… I didn't do the spell, yet. R-R-Remember? No eye of n-n-newt?" stuttered Willow, backing away from the approaching vampire.
"Yeah, where were you, Wills?" asked Xander, vehemently.
"At the University! I was studying!" she defended herself. "With lots and lots of people!"
"But before that?" asked Anya.
Willow blushed. "Okay, so I may… have gone to the Bronze, but there were lots of people there too. But not Drusilla, I swear!"
"She's right, the Bronze is always packed on Fridays," added Buffy. "So, that's definitely out."
"And the University, right?" asked Willow.
"No way. The University campus is huge. You could have dusted her anywhere," said Anya.
Willow threw a murderous glance at Anya. "Gee, thanks…"
"I'm just saying the truth. Besides, it still could also be Giles or Buffy."
"Yeah? Well, I didn't kill her!" said Buffy.
Anya rolled her eyes. "Uh? Hello? Vampire Slayer?"
"But I didn't!"
"Yeah, An, Buffy only kills vampires when they try to feed… which Dru could have been doing…" Xander noting Anya's expression, "but I'm sure Buffs has an solid alibi…"
"The solidest," agreed Buffy. "I was at the Initiative lab with Riley. Then I went home."
"See? So Riley can prove she was at the lab and Mrs. Summers can prove she was at home," said Xander, matter-of-factly.
"Um, actually…" she stammered, wringing her hands. "My mom's kinda outta town. I was alone at home."
"Then, we can't rule out Buffy, can we?" said Giles.
Spike stood up. "Well…" he sighed. "You can. I saw her at home. She didn't kill Dru."
"What?! You weren't at my place!"
"Yeah, I was. I was… "
"Spying?! Spike! What were you doing spying on me? I can't believe it!" shrieked Buffy.
"Uh? Hello? Evil here! You know, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?"
"Still… eww! I find you spying in me again, I'll dust you for sure and will tell it to everyone!"
"You wish, Slayer… I…" began Spike.
Giles coughed impatiently. "Do we want to focus on the current murder?" When they quieted, both slumping back at opposite ends of the couch, he continued. "So, Buffy's cleared, as is her house and the Initiative labs. As for myself, I was at the hospital visiting a sick friend, then I came here where I had… company, until Spike came along."
"Company?" asked Xander.
"Yeah, he was shagging some girl…" explained Spike.
Giles began rubbing his glasses and said, "I had a… friend over and so, I have alibis for both cases. The nurse will vouch for me at the hospital and Olivia will vouch for me here." He crossed off his name and the locations of the hospital and his apartment.
"Olivia? Is she cute?" asked Buffy.
"Did she give you lots of orgasms?" asked Anya.
"Anya!" exclaimed Xander. At the shrug of her shoulders, he turned to Giles, "So, did she?"
"None of your business!" said Giles, shocked. "Now can we focus,please?!"
"Basically, we narrowed it down to Spike and Willow, either in the cemetery or at the University, with either Holy Water, fire or a cross," said Buffy. "I say Spike, 'cause Willow wouldn't do it… and he was in the cemetery where Miss Edith was found. He couldn't touch the Water or a cross, so I say he did with fire."
"Spike, in the Cemetery, with Fire…" mused Anya.
"For the last time, I didn't kill her. I wanted to know who did. And since it's not me, it has to be the witch… with her fireball spell."
"I told you I didn't do the spell!" cried Willow.
Xander came and put his arm around the angry witch. "It's okay, Wills, You say you didn't do it, I believe you."
"Yeah, we all do, Willow," reassured Buffy. She got up and approached Spike, pulling out a stake. "In fact, I think I should just dust him for lying and wasting our time."
"Bloody hell!" yelled Spike, backing away. "I come to you all for help and this is what I get! Serves me right for thinking that the lot of you ninnies would help find the truth behind my dark princess's early demise. Instead you protect her murderer! Ahh, the hell with you all!" he gave up as he strode out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
"What a loser," stated Buffy, turning back to find Willow sobbing in Xander's arms.
"Willow?" asked Giles, tentatively.
"I didn't do the spell…" she hiccupped.
Xander patted her back. "Yeah, we know. We believe you, Willow, don't listen to that nasty vampire."
"No!" she pushed him away. "He's right!" At the shocked expressions on their faces, she explained hurriedly, "It was a accident. I was walking back from the University, through the campus by the river and then I heard a twig snap. I turned and there she was, holding Miss Edith. She was telling Miss Edith how the stars were playing hide and seek with her and since she had found them, they were giving her a gift… a nice, t-tasty meal… She came at me and I had that Holy Water, left over from last night's patrol. I threw it at her, hoping to scald her enough to run away, but she was so surprised and in pain that she fell into the river…"
"And the river must have absorbed the blessing of the Holy Water, dusting her…" continued Buffy.
"… which explains how Spike found Miss Edith in the river with her ash. It must have floated downstream to the cemetery," summarized Giles.
"Yeah," said Willow, choking back a sob. "I didn't mean it. It was an accident."
"It's okay, Willow. Why didn't you just tell us?" asked Buffy.
"You didn't see the look on Spike's face. He's going to kill me!"
"No, I'm not, Red."
They all looked at Spike, who had been listening through the window. He came in again and approached Willow.
"Drusilla was the love of my life, but I can concede that she wasn't all up there. And if she attacked you, then being dusted is a natural death for a vamp. It's a risk that comes with the territory."
"So, you're not mad?"
"No, sad a bit. She was my love. But no, I'm not mad."
"Wait, you were worried that SPIKE was going to be mad?" asked Xander.
"Xander!" exclaimed Anya.
"What?!"
"Have a little respect, the guy's grieving… can't you have a little more tact than that?" asked Anya.
"Whoa, ANYA'S telling me to be discreet?! Who are all of you and where are my real friends?" said Xander as Anya pulled him in for a kiss, the only way to shut him up.
Giles crossed off Spike, the cemetery, cross, and fire from the whiteboard. "Willow, at the University, with Holy Water… and the river."
"Hold on, so is the whole river a bath of death for vampires now?" asked Spike.
Willow frowned. "I don't know. Maybe… unless the water flows out? I'm not sure, why?"
"Damn!" he said, running out. "The annual Vampire Association's having a picnic tonight. They're going to be swimming in the river."
Buffy laughed. "Gee, why didn't I think of that before?"
"They have an association?" asked Willow, unbelievingly. "And they're having a picnic?!"
The remaining five laughed at the thought of some of the activities a vampire association would have.
"Ah-ha! I accuse Willow, at the University, with Holy Water!"
She checked the cards. "Ha! I'm right!"
The others threw the cards down in disgust. "Damn! You won again!"
The winner crowed as they picked up the pieces. "Yeah, baby! Can we play again?" The others threw down the pieces and walked out the room. "Oh, come on… guys? Please?" she begged, following them out the room.