Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.

A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:  

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is queen of slytherin over at FA Park.

~ Crushing on You ~

~~~

"No! No, no, no!!!" Hermione exclaimed in panic. "It's not what you think! I don't like him in any way!!!"

A few girls snickered. Some even tutted under their breaths.

Parvati raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Who don't you like in any way, Hermione? I have no idea. Do you have any idea, Lavender?" She turned to her equally beautiful yet equally gossip-obsessed friend.

Lavender shrugged. "I have no idea, too. Can you tell us who he is, Hermione?"

Hermione, who was not a violent person by nature, was suddenly seized with an urge to smash their faces in. She resisted the urge with all the strength that she had. She turned to Ginny instead, so she could get some moral support. But the younger girl was still staring at her in shock. Hermione figured that she had to face this alone for now.

"I don't fancy platinum blonds," Hermione said in sure voice.

"Well, let's get back to the original question. Is your Hogwarts crush a redhead or a brunet?" Angelina said. She leaned forward to look at Hermione closely.

Hermione bit her lower lip. She weighed the options in her head. If she answered redhead, she might as well admitted that she liked Ron. It was a dead give-away. She didn't want anyone to know for real that she had a crush on Ron. No way. Then she should answer brunet instead—it's a safe answer, since there were many brunets in school. But Hermione knew very well that the girls would automatically assume that she liked Harry if she answered brunet, and for her, that was just as bad as admitting to practically everyone that she liked Ron. For some strange reason, many people thought that her friendship with the two boys could end up in a bizarre love triangle. Hermione loved Harry very much—but only as a platonic friend, period. It was bad enough that the Skeeter cow paired her up with Harry back in fourth year in a made-up article, which people unfortunately lapped up. Hermione didn't want a replay of that.

That left Hermione with the option to let the girls think that she liked Malfoy…but she thought that that was the worst option of all.

She opened her mouth to speak, but for once, she was at a loss. No sound issued from her lips except for one confused little squeak.

"This is stupid," Parvati snapped. "Really, Hermione, you don't have to be ashamed of it. Okay, Mafoy's the ultimate git, but really, he's now a major hottie. I can really understand why you fancy him, Hermione."

"Yeah, you got to admit Malfoy is as good on the outside as he is bad in the inside," Stella said with a nod of her head. She sighed. "Good looks are wasted on all the wrong people."

"Really, when it all comes down to it, the sexual tension between you and Malfoy is sizzling," Mia said knowledgeably. "I've always thought that the thing between the two of you is not really hate, but HD."

"What's HD?" Ginny asked. She finally spoke, much to Hermione's relief.

"Why, it's hidden desire, of course," Mia answered.

"BUT I DO NOT FANCY DRACO MALFOY!!!" Hermione exclaimed in full volume out of exasperation. She wanted to pull all her hair out from the frustration she was feeling. She might as well tell the truth, for it could not be worse than this. "I fancy Ron. Okay, I admit. I FANCY RON! That's the truth!" She turned to Ginny. "I'm telling the truth, you know it! Please tell them that it's the truth!"

Ginny nodded vigorously. "She is. She's not lying, I swear."

"That's a bad thing to do, Hermione! Using Ron as a cover-up, and getting Ginny to lie for you!" Lavender exclaimed indignantly.

Ginny stared at Lavender, her jaw dropping in surprise.

"You don't have to deny it, Hermione. We're open-minded people. And it's about time that there's a Slytherin-Gryffindor couple, don't you think?" Stella said in a reassuring tone.  But Hermione was in no way reassured.

"And we can find ways to hook you and Malfoy up. We'll help you to snag him, Hermione," Katie said excitedly. "I think he likes you too!"

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO SNAG HIM! AND WE HATE EACH OTHER!" Hermione roared. But no one paid attention to her except Ginny. She buried her face in her hands. "Oh, dear God. Why is this happening?"

Ginny turned to her. "Oh, Hermione, what have you gotten yourself into?"

~~~