~Monique~

I could hear her voice but I didn't acknowledge her because we had been at this for about an hour and I was tired of it.

                 "Monique, I don't feel like your paying attention."

                I turned and faced her this time. She wasn't very old but her hair was already graying and lines crowded her tiny mouth. They were probably from having to listen to people's problems her whole life, that would make me age quick too.

                "And I don't feel like talking about it."

                She didn't loose her patience with me, not once and that ticked me off.

                "Fine. We'll finish our session tomorrow but I want you to know something, People may have given up on you before but not this time. This time let them help you, you'll see that healing is easier when you aren't alone."

                I shot her an annoyed glance and she shook her head in disapproval. I opened the heavy mahogany door and my escort was waiting outside with the wheelchair.

                "I don't want that today, I can walk." I said passing him by.   

                "But your nurse said-…"

                "I said that I can walk. Whose paying for the treatment anyway."

                He shrugged his shoulders and let me. I knew what he was thinking, If I fell it would be my own fault. It would, just like every other time I've ever fallen, it's always my fault. When I walked into my room the first thing I saw was Scott sitting in the chair waiting for me. He rushed to my side to assist me to the bed even though I protested a million times, he never listened.

                "Why did you let her walk! She could have been hurt or fainted or something!" He said to the escort. He didn't even answer but he shrugged his shoulders again and left.

                "Jerk." Scott said through his teeth. He was pacing and I knew that he had something important to say and I waited.

                "Mo, do you blame yourself?" The question was so blunt that I nearly choked on air.

                "For what?"

                "That night, when we…"

                I felt tears swell up behind my eyes but I effectively pushed them back and kept an impassive face.

                "No. Of course not."

                He sat down beside me and played with his hands.

                "I've been meaning to tell you something and for a while I didn't know if I should because I thought you would hate me," I nodded for him to continue. "That night…I…well…I knew exactly what was going on. I wasn't high, I was just a little buzzed and I…I wanted you, Mo but I thought you would reject me and I knew you couldn't resist me if…if I…acted helpless."

                "What" I whispered. It felt like someone had just punched the air out of me.

                "Please don't blame yourself. It was my fault, I could have stopped, I even thought about stopping but I didn't. You were so beautiful, you were everything I wanted but after I felt horrible. Then I realized what I wanted wasn't you physically but I needed you as my friend. I got the two confused, I didn't know where to draw the line. I guess it must have been the whole Elaine thing, I guess I just associated love and need with making love."

                I sat still and silent in my bed and I let my eyes wander. I wasn't looking at anything in particular just around the room. Scott was watching me and tears were in his eyes because he never meant to hurt me, at least that's what he said. I searched his face with my eyes, looking for something but I wasn't exactly sure what yet. I started speaking, slowly, as if I were possessed by something I couldn't control. 

                "Every night I would cry because I thought I had hurt you. I felt empty, dirty and like I had failed you. Those days I skipped meals because I was so upset and eventually it just became second nature. It felt good to be empty because it made me feel full for the moment. I thought that if I suffered a little each day it would make up for the feeling that I was responsible for sending you away. It was like beating someone, each time I was hit the sorrier I felt and through that I was connected with you. I wanted to stop but I couldn't it…I can't."

                Scott grabbed my hand and held it close to him and I tried hard not to cry. "Yes you can. You know why? Because you and I have suffered so damn much that we deserve to be happy just once. You can because your strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for."

                I had no idea what to say but I just watched him, watching me.

                "Scott?"

                "Yeah." He said softly.

                "I'm tired of hurting."

                He held me tighter. "I know."

                "I'm ready… I'm ready to fight."

                We sat there for a while and I knew then that I wouldn't give in. I had been given a second chance and I was going to take it, for Scott, for me, for life.

                "Monique Garret! What are you doing?!"

                "Shoot." I mumbled under my breath as my nurse, Rhonda rushed down the hall towards me, I had the slightest thought to run but it wouldn't be worth it, she always out ran me. For a nurse I had found out that she was pretty tough and when the doctors realized that I needed a firm hand she was the first one they had called. She liked to refer to herself as a "fiery Irish lass" and I believed her.  At least this time I had made it halfway to the lobby before she caught me.

                "What am I going to do with you?" She said taking my arm and leading me, and the I.V. back to my room.

                I rolled my eyes. "For starters you could let me out of this sterilized prison."

                "Well, remember our deal, the less you skip your therapy sessions the more freedom you get." She pulled me into the room and tucked me into bed.

                "I'm not an invalid, you know. You act like I'm going to croak at any minute." Rhonda threw me the remote control and turned down the music I had up a little loud.

                "Goodness, you're going to give the elderly patients a heart attack with that…rap music," She said shaking her head. I did my best sulking routine by pouting my lip and crossing my arms across my chest. "It's only been three weeks since you were near death, Monique. I've never seen a faster recovery but give it sometime, you don't want to over do it."

                "Fine, but I'm not making any promises about therapy. I've had enough shrinks to last me a lifetime."

                She laughed. "Scott's here."

                As she said it he came through the door. His tall frame filled the doorway and he smiled slightly.

                "You need to have a talk with you friend over there." She gestured towards the bed and I tried my best to look innocent.
                "Mo, did you try and escape again?" He said in mock disapproval.

                "I just wanted some real food. I mean they tell me to eat yet they force me to inhale disgusting hospital food. No wonder I starved myself."

                Rhonda shook her head again and threw her hands up in the air in defeat while she walked out. "I have no idea what to do with you anymore."

                Scott came in and sat beside me, the usual routine and I started small talk.

                "…and then Hank said that when I got out he'd take me…Scott?…are you okay."

                He hadn't been listening to a word I'd said and I knew it.

                "Oh, sorry. I'm alright."

                "Liar. It's Shelby isn't it?"

                He was quiet and tightlipped but eventually he would let it out because that's how our relationship worked.

                "She's been home for almost three weeks now and she's only been to visit twice. She keeps saying its not permanent and I believer her its just that…"

                "That Cameron guy." I said simply. He looked up quickly.

                "I'm not jealous."

                "Yes you are."

                He sighed.

                "Ok…maybe just a little."

                "Look, Scott, Shelby loves you. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. It's natural for you to be a little jealous just don't get so jealous that it starts hurting your relationship. You have to trust her."

                "You know your right," Scott laughed a little. "Since when did you get so wise?"

                "It must be sitting here and watching Oprah and reading Cosmopolitan all day. You really should let me give you an exfoliating scalp treatment." I leaned over to his blonde hair and he jumped up.

                "No way. Last week that all natural face thing you gave me made me smell like avocado for three days. I don't know how you talk me into this stuff."

                "Because you're a push over when it comes to women."

                He stopped for a moment and thought. "You know…your right."

                "Scott, I didn't mean it like that…I…" I remembered Elaine and what he had been through, it must have been horrible for him and any memories of it must have hurt.

                "No it's okay."

                "I'll see you tomorrow, I have homework." I knew he was lying but I didn't comment.

                He kissed me on the forehead.

                "Don't forget my ice cream."

                "I won't."

                When he got to the door I called him.

                "Hey, Scotty?"

                "Yeah." He turned and faced me, pain was written all over his face. He needed Shelby, I could tell. For a second I hated her for not being there but I also realized that it wasn't her fault and just as quickly I forgave her.

                "It's going to be okay."

                "Why?"

                "Because…because we've been through a hell of a lot and we deserve to be happy for once." I quoted and he smiled at me through the pain on his face.

                "You know you're the only one that I let call me Scotty. Somehow you don't make it sound so, dirty." With that he walked out and I followed him with my eyes till they stung from not blinking. I felt that if I did, he would disappear forever.