Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JK Rowling and her publishers; crazy plot and unrecognizable characters are mine.

A/N:  This started out as a cookie series in a D/hr ficlet thread in Fiction Alley Park. Here is the link to that thread:  

http://www.fictionalley.org/fictionalleypark/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23174

This cookie series is still in progress. Check out updates here and over there at Fiction Alley Park. And yeah, my penname is queen of slytherin over at FA Park.

~ Crushing on You ~

~~~

Draco ran all the way back to his dormitory, practically screaming his tonsils off all the while. When he reached his bed, he plopped himself on it, trying to catch his breath. He was totally tired out, as he traversed the Hogwarts corridors in a fashion like that of a headless chicken's.

For a fleeting moment, he realized that he had never really seen a headless chicken run, and that he wanted to see that soon…but he shook his head to clear off the thought. This was no time to take mental detours. He still had stuff to do if he wanted to keep his sanity intact. He had to turn to him. He would be the only one who would understand. He was the only one Draco could trust.

He reached under his fluffy pillows and retrieved him—Hugo. Hugo was Draco's journal, a regular-sized silver-coated hardbound notebook. He had been writing on the journal all his feelings over various things ever since his shrink from St. Mungo's advised him to do so in one of their anger management sessions.  Draco named the journal Hugo because he could never bear to write 'dear diary' or anything similar whenever he made an entry. Now, Hugo was a manly, macho name for a journal. Perfect for the completely straight and manly—albeit not macho—owner of the journal.

Usually, Draco's entries were filled with hatred and anger toward Potter and his gang, but now, he was about to write an entry filled with…fear and terror. The feelings were all so new to him.

After a series of incantations, Draco managed to unlock his journal, and he began to write

Hugo,

            My life is beginning to resemble a soap opera. You know, like the tacky mid-afternoon shows they broadcast over Wizarding Vision Network. They're thirty-minute episodes, and they run everyday and no one knows when they would end—maybe after a couple of months if ratings are low, or maybe even after twenty years. Take Tender Torment, for example. It's on WVN, channel 34, at half past three every afternoon. So far, Adelaida's evil twin, Alissandra, finally got her memories back after a powerful dark witch (I think her name's Bathsheba) unlocked the Memory Charm which Leopoldo (Adelaida's boyfiriend, who Alissandra loves) had cast on her.  Now everything's chaotic because Alissandra is determined to seduce Leopoldo; however, Geronimo, who is in love with Alissandra, is very jealous—he wants Leopoldo killed, and that stu

 

(By this time, Draco realized what he had just written, so he abruptly changed topic without even bothering to finish the previous sentence.)

Okay, I am now telling you about how my life is a soap opera.

See, I'm the only heir of my father, who is powerful man who happens to be part of the inner circle of you-know-what (I can't tell you what that is for security purposes, just in case that by some freak accident, someone is able to unlock the Locking Charms I placed on you), and I'm expected to join that inner circle as soon as I finish school. 

You-know-what are serving him (I can't tell you who he is for security purposes, but let me tell you that all male pronouns written in bold letters are referring to this same person), and now he has  been back and ready to kick arse again. But he can't completely have his own way again because of the little prick who for some reason, didn't die when he tried to kill him fifteen years ago. Thus, he and his servants want to bring the little prick down.

And now, it turns out that the little prick is in love with me. That is horrible in the first place. And it'll be more horrible when my father finds out (and most likely he will, as the inner circle has spies all over), because he'll expect me to take advantage of the situation. My father will expect ME to seduce the little prick so that he can be lured to go to him. If I fail to do so, surely he would make me pay even though I'm still not an official member of you-know-what, and I don't want to think about that.

And if I have to seduce the little prick, then I have to do all that I can, right; I may even have to, you know, do it with him. A boy. And I'm straight. It's not fair.

And if that's not bad enough, then here's worse: I'm a virgin! If I don't get some action with girls soon, I might end up doing it the first time with a boy who I seriously loathe. That is a nightmare. I don't think I've ever been that evil to deserve this.

I don't want that to happen to me!!!

I think I'll just pretend I'm insane so that my parents can send me directly to St Mungo's basement.

Draco

 

He felt a little better after he had written the entry. He closed his journal and performed some Locking Charms, and then he slid the book back under his pillows.

He had to find a girl to shag really soon, just in case. And he didn't think he would have a hard time looking for one, or ten.

Yes, Draco felt better, and he felt that he could go outside again and function as a normal human being.

When he turned around, he saw a fat dwarf dressed up in a toga patterned with red and pink hearts all over standing at the doorway.

~~~

A/N: I'm perfectly fine with slash and homosexuality. Whatever Draco thinks doesn't reflect what I think. :) Really, Draco ought to be flattered if Harry really does like him. :)