By Jane Doe
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI in any shape or form, no surprise there.
Summary: This story is mostly Sara recalling a particular day of her childhood to better understand the adult Sara Sidle. In the last chapter Grissom does make an appearance to help her though. It's just a story about Sara and her road to the career burnout that Grissom warns her about.
Author's Notes: It's a G/S friendship piece only. No love or kissing just friendly support. I will warn you way ahead of time that it has character death. It is rated R for language, if you were wondering, but other than that it's a clean piece of writing. Reviews are highly welcomed as always by everyone.
Chapter 1
It was summer. July 11th of the year 1983 and Sara Sidle was twelve years old. On this one particular day in one moment, her life was changed forever.
She sat in her usual reading spot on the beach out-looking the ocean. That was one of the perks for living so close to the bay, and Sara spent most, if not all, her extra time here. The sun was hot but the air from the Pacific was cool. It wasn't so strange that she wore her favorite long sleeved striped shirt and a pair of shorts. She was a very plain girl. Most girls at her age were wearing the latest neon colors that the rock stars were wearing and had makeup on. She wore her tank tops and shorts at the beach, and when at school she usually wore a long sleeve shirt with a print on it and pants. She never liked to show her legs at school; she thought it distasteful. She was very mature for her age, but for the most part, Sara dressed the way she did because she didn't understand why she had to impress anyone with looks instead of brains. Sara Sidle wasn't about to try either.
Her dark brown shoulder length hair wiped around in her face as she tilted her head to the sky. The sky was the bluest of blues. Seagulls dipped up and down on the air currents. She brushed her hair from her face and let her eyes fall back to her book. She would sit there for hours reading all by herself. It wasn't often that Sara was anywhere but here. This is what she loved to do. Read and learn about anything and everything her mind would absorb. For most children that interest and curiosity was lost after the age of five. For Sara, curiosity was her drive to achieve and become better than what this life held for her. That drive pulled her ahead a whole grade level in the subjects such as mathematics and science, which she loved. She was average in subjects that relied on one's ability to communicate. That was never her strong point.
People found Sara brazen and blunt, and often called her rude. Her temper was mild. She never got over angry at anything because it was all solvable through hard work. She put more pressure on herself than the entire world ever could to solve the problem or stand up for what she knew was right. When it proved difficult to solve Sara did get angry though, and no one wanted to be around her when that happened. Like everything she did, it wasn't by half. So when she argued that meant a full blown argument; screaming and yelling back with as much force as the other guy. It was these upsets due to her stubbornness that got Sara in trouble at school and with her parents. Sara wasn't a spoiled brat or anything like that, she just strongly believed in what she fought for. Her parents were proud but more annoyed by the end of an argument. She could reason and compromise but would not just accept that nothing could be done to solve the problem. If indeed the authority figure was right and Sara was wrong she would gladly take the loss as a learning experience. Acceptance did not work well with stubbornness though and it proved quite hard for Sara to calm down. That's why even her classmates often found her personality obnoxious. Most of them didn't even bother with her. Over the years she got used to being a loner. In many ways Sara enjoyed being alone. It provided control and independence that was naturally appealing.
"What the hell are you reading now?" A young girl about two years older than Sara pulled the book out of Sara's hand. "Who Are You? . It sounds stupid."
Sara squinted into the sun at the girl. "You shouldn't swear so much." She grabbed her book back. "And my book is not stupid. It's actually very interesting."
"Well how the hell interesting can it be with a dumbass title like that?"
"Swearing shows your intelligence Rainey. It's not too high right now." Sara started to read again.
The girl flopped down beside Sara. "Intelligence my ass Sare." Sara shut her book and stared at the girl with contempt. "Sorry." Rainey said. "I'll stop. So what's it about? Is this the same one you were reading last week?"
"No. I finished that one of course. It was very good. You were right it was the revengeful brother."
"I knew it and I didn't even have to read the book." Her friend smiled and Sara smiled too. Her name was Larraine Davis and the only real friend Sara had. She moved to California from Arizona three years ago. They met in the library when Larraine was doing research for extra credit to bring up a slipping grade in science. Sara helped the very frustrated Larraine and it was an immediate connection even though the two were exact opposites. Larraine was somewhat popular, had the pretty dirty blond hair, the perfect teeth, the tanned skin, and the clothes with style. Not to mention she was almost two years older than Sara. Her attitude and language got her in trouble most of the time at school. When they first met Larraine would say the f-word in every sentence but Sara toned her down a bit and was happy to report that Larraine was doing much better. Granted a few times some swear words slipped but the girl had come a long way. So anyway despite the age difference and personalities, they got along great. If anything they reinforced each other's recessive personality traits. Long story short they were the best of friends regardless and were inseparable.
"So what's it about? Is it another mystery you can tell me about and I can tell you who did it before you finish?" Rainey smiled at her.
"This time it's a work of nonfiction written by a doctor. It's about discovering oneself and recognizing your place in society." Sara said pronouncing every word correctly and clearly.
"What the...why are you reading such crap? I don't even know what the summary says let alone the pages."
Sara laughed. "Instead of me retelling the stories maybe you should read more often yourself."
"I hate to read. And you're a good storyteller." She rocked over on her side and pushed Sara back in the sand. The two girls went into a frenzy of laughter as Rainey landed on top of Sara and acted like dead weight. "I am can't move Sara. The laws of gravity have enforced their vengeance on me."
"Get off of me Rainey. You're crazy you know that?" Came Sara's voice under her friend.
"You're the one reading that stupid book." She said getting off Sara. "What made you read a book like that anyway?"
Sara's face got serious and almost sad. "The councilor from school called my parents. She said that I need to work on my people skills. My mom agrees with her. I had an option: go to a workshop for kids or read the book."
"Your mom is a stoner Sara and that councilor can go to hell. Why is she bothering you anyway? School is out."
"I don't know." Sara shrugged. "Concerned I guess."
"Well there isn't a thing wrong with you. It's the rest of the world that they should be worried about." She punched her in the arm. "Fuck 'em."
Sara's face went red. It was true her parents were ex-hippies and the councilor was mean to her, but that wasn't what bothered her. "I told you not to swear in front of me." Her tone was serious but the smile that was breaking through betrayed her.
"Oh, it's true Sara. Those kind of people suck. I may swear too much but you need to swear more often."
"No I don't." Sara said defiantly.
"You can't sit there and tell me that you aren't upset about what your parents are making you do?"
She straightened her shoulders. "Yes but I don't need to swear. Words are a reflection of..."
Rainey held up a hand to stop her. "Character. I know I heard the speech. Just admit it. When you heard them say that about you, you wanted to tell them off."
Sara squinted into the sun over the horizon. "Yeah I did."
Rainey got to her feet. "Get up."
"Why?" She looked up at her friend.
"Why are you always so full of questions?" Sara was about to answer but Rainey stopped her. "It's rhetorical Sare. Just stand up, would ya?"
"Fine." Sara brushed the sand off her butt and the back of her legs. "Now what?"
"I want you to scream to the top of those little lungs and tell the world how they made you feel."
She looked at her quizzacally. "And the purpose of this is what exactly?"
Rainey sighed. "To make you feel better. Now go."
"I feel stupid." Sara said dropping her hands to her side.
"You are stupid butthead." Rainey smiled.
"I am not stupid. And your the butthead."
"Just go." Rainey whined.
"You go and I'll follow."
"No way because you never go and I end up looking like a nutcase."
"Rainey you are a nutcase." Sara joked.
Rainey let out a shout as high as her vocal chords could allow. Sara actually jumped at the unexpected sound. Once the screaming stopped she smiled over to Sara. "I feel better."
"I don't; you scared me. You could have given me warning or something."
"My throat hurts." Rainey clutched her throat and Sara laughed.
"Real smart move. You made your throat sore. Two thumbs up for you." Sara did the motion with her thumbs and Rainey tackled her. She began to tickle Sara until she was in tears. "Stop Rainey!"
"Think you're soooooo smart," she said still attacking her.
"Get off of me!" Sara used her strength to throw Rainey into the sand. "How old are you anyway?"
Rainey laughed. "Fourteen and your ninety."
"I am not ninety." Sara glared at Rainey as she stood up. "You're too old to start a tickling fight."
"Whatever grandma," she stood up too and brushed the sand off her clothes. "You just never had a big sister to kick your skinny butt."
This time Sara tackled Rainey and tickled her. "I can't hear your apology Rainey."
She was beet red with laughter. "That's because I am not going to apologize!" She rolled Sara off of her. "I have at least ten pounds on your meager eighty pound butt."
"I do not weigh eighty pounds." Sara said dryly finding no fun in her size. "I weigh just what I should for my height."
"Spoken like a true textbook." Rainey quickly grabbed Sara's book. "Speaking of which..." She stood up again and threw the entire book into the current of the Pacific Ocean. "There, that's better."
"Larraine Davis you just threw my book into the Pacific Ocean!" Sara shouted the obvious.
Rainey shrugged and started to walk back down the beach. "You don't need that book Sare so trust me that's just were it belongs."
Sara gave one last look at her book as the waves pounded the pages into the sand before she ran down the beach to catch up with her friend.
tbc...