Alright!! I don't own the bishies!! I admit it!! -cries- its so unfair I
swear it!! None of these guys are mine!! But I like to pretend sometimes,
which results in the fanfic, 0.o;; the story is mine, but that's it!! I own
nothing else!! So don't sue me please!! I beg you!! The only thing you'd
get is the dirt from the poor excuse of a yard, that's it.I've nothing else
worth a damn..-sniffle-
Remebering.and the Beginning of the End
Everybody had a face they hide inside, right under the skin. The same is, of course true with myself as well. I don't pretend that I don't, I'd only be lying to myself, and I find that pointless. My life has never been the happiest, though I like to think that I wasn't the only one, misery enjoys company. The old cliché is surprisingly very true, and I'm guilty of if, like everyone else.
I was stressed, though plagued most likely would have been the appropriate word I suppose. Plagued by my memories, ones that I couldn't escape, though it wasn't for a lack of trying like hell. I guess that's why I found myself in Wufei's presence rather then Heero's today.
Not that the Chinese pilot is any more talkative then the other, if you exclude the occasional ranting fit, which I am almost always guilty of enticing. I don't fake that I'm innocent natured or naive, people simply take it that way, and the impression doesn't seem to leave them. Truth be told, I am anything but innocent, having spent the majority of my life on the streets, or in a church orphanage. Though that had been very brief. I did anything that I had to in order to survive, and yes, I admit that I've done some shameless things to accomplish this. Things I keep mostly to myself, I don't mention them at all, and I don't feel like dealing with people's moral views. Don't get me wrong, they can have them, I don't care, but I don't want to hear them talk or judge something that they know nothing about. I did what I had to, I accept that now, and that's all there is to it.
However it shocks people, and they get the wrong idea, I promise you, that no one enjoys living on the streets, or wants to. No child suddenly turns to their mother and says, 'mommy, I wanna live on the streets, with those others you look down upon so much.' No one wants to be on the streets, stealing, smuggling, whoring, or killing to make their own way. I admit I've done all of the listed above, and some other things. Yes, Duo Maxwell has murdered a person or two in cold blood for money; it terrified me how easily it came to me. It's not something I'm proud of, or enjoy remembering. Its not something I feel should be bragged about, that tends to get you into a lot of trouble. Actually, I'm ashamed that I had sunk that low. I was a bratty street punk, cold, starving, homeless, and didn't have a fucking clue what he was getting himself into.
I suppose these thoughts were the main reason for my offbeat mood today. Why I sat by the window just staring out at the rain that had been there since early this morning. The booming thunder is what finally pulled me from my thoughts, combined with the little voice in the back of my head that whispered I had been too quiet for too long. Glancing away from the gloomy window and at the occupants of the smallish living room. And noticed Trowa single green eyes watching me, his features holding the usual expression, a passive nothing. He blinked the one visible eye as he picked up I'd noticed his gaze, dropping it back to the scrabble board at Quatre's soft inquire if he was getting bored. Shaking his head he reached over placed his next pieces down. I couldn't see the board through the Sandrock pilot's frame. God, he was giving Trowa puppy eyes again, pathetic. Why didn't he just make a move on him and get the suspense over with already? It was amusing when I had first noticed it, but by now it was just too sappy and irritating. It's a wonder Trowa hadn't noticed it by now, or perhaps he had? Who knows with that one, not even I could really tell what he was thinking. Not that I paid that much attention to him mind you, no, I hadn't made watching him the art I had made it with Heero. The other fascinated me, and I'll admit that he's attractive, you'd have to be blind not to see it, but I hadn't had any serious intent on anything with him. I found his detachment with life curious, it was a form of emotion or lack of, I'm not really sure yet, and that I'd never been able to capture, never mind master it near perfectly the way he had. Pondering the many mysteries of that are the Wing pilot often distracted me from myself, unfortunately he was completely absent. Having taken off on some mission of his during the night while all the normal people slept. Typical, he knew I would have followed him otherwise, I had to give him brownie points for the move.
People often misunderstand the relationship between Heero and I. We are not lovers despite what people might say, and I doubt we ever will be, I promise there would be no tears shed on my part. It was more of a chess game with us to be truthful. I'm not really sure when I started thinking of it like that exactly, or when it started into that. His disappearance was just another move on the invisible board. Now, I'm pretty sure that you're wondering what in the hell I'm talking about, and every confused, or you simply think that I'm completely insane. Well, there's your answer right there. The entire point of it was to keep our sanity, whatever we had left of it anyhow. It gave us something to think about besides the past, or the sometimes all to near future, and possible lack of.
Summoning an energy that I didn't truly feel I bounced from my perch over to the silent Wufei. Who'd been mediating too long, I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. Grinning I approached him from behind, tackling him from the back of the couch and tossing my arms about his shoulders, declaring too loudly,
" Fei I'm boooooooored!!! It won't stop raining and there's nothing to doooo!!"
Silently I snickered, ignoring the fact I was more than half sprawled on the thoroughly confused Chinese pilot. He growled trying to shove me off of him, I pretended not to notice and continued with my whining.
" C'mon Wu-man!! I wanna play a game or something!! Its too quiet in here, you're all sitting around like old farts!! Can't you liven up some and be fun for once?! "
At that point he'd managed to pry himself free from my death grip, standing from the couch and glaring at him, like he usually did. I gave him an exaggerated pout.
" Maxwell go entertain yourself elsewhere, and not at our expense! "
The Shenlong pilot snapped, straightening his shirt to smooth perfection once again. It really bugged me when he did that, it only made him seem more uptight, and made me feel horribly dirty. Don't ask I can't figure it out myself, but he managed it wonderfully. It gave me the feeling he was trying to brush away my touch, like I was something distasteful. Today it seemed to be bothering me much more then usual, probably because of my crappy mood. I tried to ignore it, really I did. Blinking I pulled myself back into reality, Wufei had said something and left. I hadn't heard word of it. Watching him in fake amusement as he stormed up the stairs to the second floor, then stop and spin about, glaring at me once more.
" And its WUFEI!! Not Wu-man, and sure as hell not Fei!! Get it right!"
Then go up into his room, slamming the door. Pretending innocent confusion I looked over at the other two.
"What's got him so crabby? What'd I do? "
I smiled a little as Quatre just shook his head, not even bothering to try and explain; by now he had figured out it was pointless.
"Just leave him alone Duo.he hates being locked him the house when it rains. "
I rolled my eyes at him "nah, he just hates being locked inside with ME! SHINIGAMI!! " Cackling at him as he looked up I grabbed my coat.
"I'm going out for a bit." Trowa regarded me, almost curiously, I hated when he looked at me like that, it gave me the creeps, like he could crawl under my skin and poke at my brain to see how it worked. I didn't know exactly what he was thinking though, so I never said anything. Shrugging my coat on I started for the door.
" But Duo it's pouring out! You'll get sick!" my back to them I allowed myself a grimace, Quatre Winner, mother hen, strikes again. Glancing over my shoulder I grinned.
" Nah, no little bit of rain is gonna bring the great SHINIGMAI down!!! " with that said I bounced at the door, closing it quickly behind me, not wanting to hear anymore of his well meaning protests.
Remebering.and the Beginning of the End
Everybody had a face they hide inside, right under the skin. The same is, of course true with myself as well. I don't pretend that I don't, I'd only be lying to myself, and I find that pointless. My life has never been the happiest, though I like to think that I wasn't the only one, misery enjoys company. The old cliché is surprisingly very true, and I'm guilty of if, like everyone else.
I was stressed, though plagued most likely would have been the appropriate word I suppose. Plagued by my memories, ones that I couldn't escape, though it wasn't for a lack of trying like hell. I guess that's why I found myself in Wufei's presence rather then Heero's today.
Not that the Chinese pilot is any more talkative then the other, if you exclude the occasional ranting fit, which I am almost always guilty of enticing. I don't fake that I'm innocent natured or naive, people simply take it that way, and the impression doesn't seem to leave them. Truth be told, I am anything but innocent, having spent the majority of my life on the streets, or in a church orphanage. Though that had been very brief. I did anything that I had to in order to survive, and yes, I admit that I've done some shameless things to accomplish this. Things I keep mostly to myself, I don't mention them at all, and I don't feel like dealing with people's moral views. Don't get me wrong, they can have them, I don't care, but I don't want to hear them talk or judge something that they know nothing about. I did what I had to, I accept that now, and that's all there is to it.
However it shocks people, and they get the wrong idea, I promise you, that no one enjoys living on the streets, or wants to. No child suddenly turns to their mother and says, 'mommy, I wanna live on the streets, with those others you look down upon so much.' No one wants to be on the streets, stealing, smuggling, whoring, or killing to make their own way. I admit I've done all of the listed above, and some other things. Yes, Duo Maxwell has murdered a person or two in cold blood for money; it terrified me how easily it came to me. It's not something I'm proud of, or enjoy remembering. Its not something I feel should be bragged about, that tends to get you into a lot of trouble. Actually, I'm ashamed that I had sunk that low. I was a bratty street punk, cold, starving, homeless, and didn't have a fucking clue what he was getting himself into.
I suppose these thoughts were the main reason for my offbeat mood today. Why I sat by the window just staring out at the rain that had been there since early this morning. The booming thunder is what finally pulled me from my thoughts, combined with the little voice in the back of my head that whispered I had been too quiet for too long. Glancing away from the gloomy window and at the occupants of the smallish living room. And noticed Trowa single green eyes watching me, his features holding the usual expression, a passive nothing. He blinked the one visible eye as he picked up I'd noticed his gaze, dropping it back to the scrabble board at Quatre's soft inquire if he was getting bored. Shaking his head he reached over placed his next pieces down. I couldn't see the board through the Sandrock pilot's frame. God, he was giving Trowa puppy eyes again, pathetic. Why didn't he just make a move on him and get the suspense over with already? It was amusing when I had first noticed it, but by now it was just too sappy and irritating. It's a wonder Trowa hadn't noticed it by now, or perhaps he had? Who knows with that one, not even I could really tell what he was thinking. Not that I paid that much attention to him mind you, no, I hadn't made watching him the art I had made it with Heero. The other fascinated me, and I'll admit that he's attractive, you'd have to be blind not to see it, but I hadn't had any serious intent on anything with him. I found his detachment with life curious, it was a form of emotion or lack of, I'm not really sure yet, and that I'd never been able to capture, never mind master it near perfectly the way he had. Pondering the many mysteries of that are the Wing pilot often distracted me from myself, unfortunately he was completely absent. Having taken off on some mission of his during the night while all the normal people slept. Typical, he knew I would have followed him otherwise, I had to give him brownie points for the move.
People often misunderstand the relationship between Heero and I. We are not lovers despite what people might say, and I doubt we ever will be, I promise there would be no tears shed on my part. It was more of a chess game with us to be truthful. I'm not really sure when I started thinking of it like that exactly, or when it started into that. His disappearance was just another move on the invisible board. Now, I'm pretty sure that you're wondering what in the hell I'm talking about, and every confused, or you simply think that I'm completely insane. Well, there's your answer right there. The entire point of it was to keep our sanity, whatever we had left of it anyhow. It gave us something to think about besides the past, or the sometimes all to near future, and possible lack of.
Summoning an energy that I didn't truly feel I bounced from my perch over to the silent Wufei. Who'd been mediating too long, I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. Grinning I approached him from behind, tackling him from the back of the couch and tossing my arms about his shoulders, declaring too loudly,
" Fei I'm boooooooored!!! It won't stop raining and there's nothing to doooo!!"
Silently I snickered, ignoring the fact I was more than half sprawled on the thoroughly confused Chinese pilot. He growled trying to shove me off of him, I pretended not to notice and continued with my whining.
" C'mon Wu-man!! I wanna play a game or something!! Its too quiet in here, you're all sitting around like old farts!! Can't you liven up some and be fun for once?! "
At that point he'd managed to pry himself free from my death grip, standing from the couch and glaring at him, like he usually did. I gave him an exaggerated pout.
" Maxwell go entertain yourself elsewhere, and not at our expense! "
The Shenlong pilot snapped, straightening his shirt to smooth perfection once again. It really bugged me when he did that, it only made him seem more uptight, and made me feel horribly dirty. Don't ask I can't figure it out myself, but he managed it wonderfully. It gave me the feeling he was trying to brush away my touch, like I was something distasteful. Today it seemed to be bothering me much more then usual, probably because of my crappy mood. I tried to ignore it, really I did. Blinking I pulled myself back into reality, Wufei had said something and left. I hadn't heard word of it. Watching him in fake amusement as he stormed up the stairs to the second floor, then stop and spin about, glaring at me once more.
" And its WUFEI!! Not Wu-man, and sure as hell not Fei!! Get it right!"
Then go up into his room, slamming the door. Pretending innocent confusion I looked over at the other two.
"What's got him so crabby? What'd I do? "
I smiled a little as Quatre just shook his head, not even bothering to try and explain; by now he had figured out it was pointless.
"Just leave him alone Duo.he hates being locked him the house when it rains. "
I rolled my eyes at him "nah, he just hates being locked inside with ME! SHINIGAMI!! " Cackling at him as he looked up I grabbed my coat.
"I'm going out for a bit." Trowa regarded me, almost curiously, I hated when he looked at me like that, it gave me the creeps, like he could crawl under my skin and poke at my brain to see how it worked. I didn't know exactly what he was thinking though, so I never said anything. Shrugging my coat on I started for the door.
" But Duo it's pouring out! You'll get sick!" my back to them I allowed myself a grimace, Quatre Winner, mother hen, strikes again. Glancing over my shoulder I grinned.
" Nah, no little bit of rain is gonna bring the great SHINIGMAI down!!! " with that said I bounced at the door, closing it quickly behind me, not wanting to hear anymore of his well meaning protests.