What had I been thinking? Why did I let myself flirt like that? Ron is going to hate me. Malfoy just had to make me do things like that. I have no idea why I did that, I am and idiot! I can't believe myself. If I were watching somebody do what I had just did, I would call her a slut. I am so stupid and now I have to go and sit with Ron and Harry and meet Hermione and act like nothing happened. I was nervously anticipating Hermione's arrival. I didn't know what to expect, except that she was a lot like me. When they told me that I figured that I would either love her or hate her. I walked into the Great Hall and saw a brown haired girl sitting where I usually sat. I figured that she must be Hermione. She was pretty, but not gorgeous. She had cerulean blue robes on with some crest I didn't recognize on the front, it must have been from the school she had been at. I walked up to them and squeezed in by Ron. "Hi, you must be Hermione. I'm Kerry." "Hi Kerry, you must be the American taking my place." "I'm here for the exchange trips, if that's what you mean." "Of course that's what I mean," she said. "I see you've met Hermione," Harry said, coming up to the table. "Harry, it's good to see you again," Hermione said stiffly. "Yeah, we've really missed you around here. Neville is having even more trouble in Potions, if you can imagine that." "Gee that's too bad, isn't it? He always had trouble to begin with and now that I'm not here to whisper answers to him he must be having a terrible time. Snape's probably happy that I'm not here though, he never did like me." "He doesn't like me very much either," I replied, trying to get back in the conversation and learn more about Hermione. I couldn't really see how this girl broke two boy's hearts. I guessed that there was more to her than she was letting on. "Are you going to go to the ball tomorrow night, Hermione?" "I think I will, I have a dress that I can wear, all I need is a date." "Well, I can't help you there. I'm going with Ron," I said to her. "Maybe I can go with Harry, just as friends, so I'm not there alone." "Sorry, I'm going with Ginny. Her date got sick and I was the only one without a date still," Harry told her. "That's too bad, I guess I'll have to find someone else or I could go by myself." "Yeah, that is too bad," Ron said with not a little sarcasm. I guess everyone was a little upset with Hermione over last year, even though they were trying to welcome her back. I didn't really know what I thought about Hermione yet, maybe I would get a chance to talk to her later that night. I was still dreading having to talk to Harry and Ron alone. "Hermione! I'm so glad to see you," Ginny cried out as soon as she saw Hermione. I thought she would have been a little bitter, Hermione was fooling around with her boyfriend, but what do I know. "How are you, tell me everything about your year." "Of course I will, but how about we eat and then go to the tower and talk, ok?" "Sure, then everyone can hear," Ginny replied, "I'm sure we're all anxious to hear what you have been doing." "That sounds great." *~* Hermione was back. I had a lot of trouble staying cool around her and not the way I used to have trouble, this time I was nervous and angry. I didn't know how much she knew about what was going on with everyone and Kerry. Our relationship had been scandalous but it was still a relationship, I had feelings for her and I guess I still do. I find it hard to believe that Kerry can get to me like that. In Potions today she was a little too close for comfort, but I liked it. It was exhilarating having her near me, especially when I knew I had gotten farther with her than most of the guys who wanted to. When I saw her in Hogsmeade, flushed with excitement and embarrassment, she was so beautiful. Then I had to be a jerk and be my normal sarcastic self, no wonder everyone hates me, but, then, I don't know how to act any way else. I have to get some self-control, that's what I'm famous for, after all. *~* It feels good to be back. I didn't know how much I really miss Hogwart's, and the people there. Everyone was avoiding talk of last year, I didn't want to bring it up. It seemed like just about everyone is smitten with the new girl, Kerry. I can't believe that one girl could gain control of the whole male student body, but she did. I can't wait to get to know her better. Maybe I'll get to talk to her more tonight. *~* While Hermione was talking about her time in Australia, I was finding it hard to pay attention. Harry, Ron, Ginny, and myself were listening to Hermione in front of the fire. I was lying on the floor, my head on Ron's chest, staring into the fire. Harry was lying next to me, our hands just brushing against each other. It felt good to have that small contact with him. Ginny was sitting on the chair with her legs tucked up under her and Hermione was on the small couch talking to us all. I couldn't concentrate on her, I just stared into the fire, completely content. "And that's pretty much what I've been doing all year," Hermione said. I snapped out of my daydream and looked back at her. "That sounds really cool," Ginny said, "I wish I could go there sometime." "So what's been going on here?" Hermione asked. "Not a whole lot," Ron answered, "We've led pretty boring lives." "Oh, come on, there has to have been something interesting." "Not really, just Hogwart's as usual," Harry said. "Well if you have nothing to tell me then I'm going to bed." "I think I'll turn in too," Ginny said. "Me three," said Ron. Once all of them had left, I found a different position to lie since my pillow had left. It was just Harry and me in the common room, everyone else having gone to bed long ago. I ended up sitting against the chair, Harry next to me. "Hey, Kerry, I wanted to ask you about what happened in Potions today." Oh no, he wanted to talk about it! "What about it?" I said, trying not to sound guilty. "Oh I don't know, maybe why you were practically on top of Malfoy." "That. I don't know what happened. You wouldn't understand if I told you." "Try me." "I don't know. I'm sorry if you're upset, but I can't explain." "Fine." "Hey, I got a question for you. You know that first day I came here? You were really depressed and I was talking to everyone and I was getting really annoyed?" "Yeah, what about it?" "Well, I started to speak in Spanish and everybody looked confused and didn't understand, except you. The only time I saw you smile that day was when I switched languages." "Yeah I remember that, I understood you. I learned to speak Spanish when I was in grade school, most everyone else here learned a magical language or no second language. I was brought up in the muggle world so I had to." "That's neat, Spanish is my first language. I learned English when I was 6. My dad is from Mexico and he never learned English. My sisters and I learned English in school." "Where do you live in the states?" "We live in southern Florida. I basically grew up on the beach. Me and my sisters were there almost every day. My mom loved the beach, she would take us there all the time, when she died my dad never wanted to go there." "When did she die?" "When I was two." "Both my parents died when I was one." "Everyone knows that, you're the boy who lived." "Don't remind me. There is a column in Witch Weekly just about me and my love life, which at the moment has got to be pretty boring to read about." "You? Boring? Never!" "Yes, very, very boring. They probably changed the name of the column to 'The Boy Who Lived and His Lack of Love'. I swear, I haven't even kissed a girl since last year, and you really didn't need to know that." "Don't worry, I really don't care." "Of course you don't, you and Ron snog enough for you and me." "Oh I didn't mean it like that." "I know, but it gets to be really annoying." "Sorry." "Why are you sorry? None of it is your fault." "Regardless of what you're saying now, you know it is my fault." "Ok, so maybe it is a little bit your fault. Maybe it's all your fault. I think I'll just blame you for everything that has gone wrong for me this year." "Don't do that, even if it is my fault, I'm trying to apologize." "Huh? Sorry I missed that." "Harry, I really am sorry. I know things haven't been great for you, but." "But what? But I should make the best of it? But I should try not to blame things? But I should just be happy? Is that what you think I should do?" "Now you're angry with me." "Yes, now I'm angry. All my life, people have told me to make the best of it, don't blame anybody, be happy. I have had the worst life I can think of anyone ever having. I would not want even Malfoy to have to go through half the things that I have." "I didn't say that you had it easy Harry. I didn't say that." We were starting to raise our voices and I was flushed with anger and the strain of trying not to cry. "If I hadn't even come here, if Hermione hadn't ever left, you still would be unhappy. You and Hermione would still be apart. The only thing you would have missed is being my friend, and if that's what you want then fine, that is just fine with me." I was almost shouting and tears were streaming down my face." "That's not what I want. If I never met you I would be absolutely miserable, but that's what I am now because I see Ron having everything I want. That's strange, usually Ron is jealous of me because of the attention and the money. I don't like being mad at him, he's my best friend, but I can't help it. Then, I see you with Malfoy and I think that you can't know how lucky you are to have Ron, if you are willing to risk it by playing Malfoy like that, and you know what? You're the one getting played." "I'm sorry Harry, that's all I can say, I can't do anything to make it up to you." "Yes you can, but I wouldn't ask you to do something like that to Ron. I know how it feels." "What are you talking about?" "You know what I'm talking about. If you think you don't think again." "I know what you're talking about but it isn't like you to say something like that." "Why isn't it like me? because I'm Hero Harry, here to save the day and be honorable? Well I've got news for you, I don't always want to be the hero." I was standing up now and so was he, I was surprised that no one had come down because we were being kind of loud. He started to walk towards me. "What are you doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" "Don't answer a question with a question. Now really, what are you doing?" "I'm not being Hero Harry," he said. He was right in front of me now and he was still moving closer. He put his hands on my waist and I shivered. He leaned in towards me and I started to shake a little, he whispered in my ear, "Are you scared of me?" "N-n-no," I answered back, lying badly. "Yes you are. You don't need to be scared of me you know. I won't hurt you." "Then what are you doing? Why shouldn't I be scared?" "Don't worry, just relax," he kissed me firmly on the lips. My heart was pounding so loud I felt certain it would wake everyone up. He continued kissing me, I didn't fight him, but I didn't kiss back. He moved to kiss my neck, I let him. He slid my robes off my shoulders and was moving his hands towards the buttons on my blouse. I stopped him. "No. We cannot do this." "Yes we can," he said and kissed me again, I stopped him right away. "What are you doing Harry? We can't." "Why not?" "Because, I said so and I'm with Ron." "Neither of those reasons are good enough for me." "Well they'll just have to do." "I don't think they will. You're so beautiful and now I really want you. I just don't think it will be possible for me to restrain myself." "Go take a cold shower Harry." "Only if you come with me." "Harry I mean it." "So do I." "Stop it Harry." "I think I'm getting somewhere." "What do you mean by that?" "I mean that if I keep arguing with you over this you'll eventually give in to my charm and good looks." "Think again, lover boy." "I can see you already wavering. You would have left by now if you were sure." "I have my mind made up and the answer is no." "Then why are you still here?" "Because I like you, I like spending time with you." "Really? Then why are you pushing me away." "I don't know." "What? Kerry James, not knowing something. I thought she knew everything," he said very sarcastically. "Harry, I just can't, I don't know why, I don't want to do what Hermione did to you to Ron." "While I like that reason and it has slowed me down, it still isn't going to cut it. You give me a solid reason, one that I can't argue with, then I'll leave you alone." "I've given you enough reasons. If you won't listen to me then that's why we can't. Ever. If you don't respect me and what I want, then how can you say you're my friend?" "I know what you want and you don't want Ron." "How can you know? You say that I think I know everything, but you then presume to know what I want. How could you?" He sobered up a little, but still was trying to fight me over this. I liked Harry, oh did I ever, but he was so hardheaded. "Kerry," he paused. "Yes Harry?" "I," he started but he couldn't finish. "You what? It's customary to have a verb in a sentence, not just a noun," I was getting rather irritated with him. "If you won't let me even try to apologize, then why should I?" "If the stuttering you were doing earlier was supposed to be your apology than I don't think you should apologize. You're much better at arguing." "Fine." "Fine," I replied and turned my back on him. I didn't want to leave, but I wanted him to say something first. We stood there, our backs to each other for what seemed like an eternity. I kept waiting for him to say something. I was about to turn around, but he beat me to it. "I'm sorry." "I am too." "Good." "Good." "I'll see you in the morning then," he said walking towards the stairs to the boy's dorm. "Yeah," I replied, heading towards the girl's side. "Kerry, wait." "What is it Harry?" I asked, wondering what he wanted still. He walked back towards me. I was starting to get a little nervous. The last time he had come towards me like that he had kissed me. Even though I found myself wanting him to kiss me again, I didn't want it to go to far. "I just wanted to give you a goodnight kiss." "Are you sure that's such a good idea?" "I'm sure," he said as he leaned in to kiss me. This time I returned the gesture by kissing back. I was a little surprised by my actions. He broke it off and said, "Goodnight." He walked back up the stairs. I stood there, mouth hanging open, unable to move for a second. Then I dreamily walked up the stairs, if it weren't so late I probably would have sung. A small thought broke through my reverie: what did I think I was doing. What did Harry think he was doing? How could I do something like that to Ron? I walked into my dorm and lay down on my bed, clothes still on, and didn't sleep until almost dawn, from feeling guilty. *~* I had known her for only a week and yet I knew that I loved her and that was all that mattered. My friends and my enemies thought they loved her, but how could they? No one knew her like I did. No one had ever loved her like I did. No one ever could. She was mine and she still is. I will never let her go. She loves me more than anything, she may not know it, but we are destined. I knew that she had come to tell me it was over, but it would never be over, she was my soul mate, and I was hers. We could never be with another. She had been fooling around with him, but he didn't love her and she couldn't love him. I would follow her across the world if I had too. She came in and told me we had to talk. Why did we have to talk, we were soul mates, we had no need for talking about our perfect relationship. Why did she always want to be away from me, why did she run from me and my master? I told her about my master expecting her to serve him like I did, but she was afraid. Master arranged to have her sent away from me. I was mad at master, but I knew that his plans were perfect and that she would be back here with me soon. Jonathan woke up pouring with sweat, his left forearm burning.