Wierd Things at Hogwarts: The Sequel
Chapter 7
MeowthHB
Disclaimers: I don't own anything. Not even sanity. Ph33r me. Rawr.
----
Harry woke up as a chill breeze blew through the room...and it was most certainly noticable since he wasn't wearing anything. He sat up and threw on some robes, then looked at Draco, who was wearing a bra. What the bleep was he doing in a bra?! Harry wondered. And whose bra was it?
"Potter...why are you staring at me?"
Harry just now noticed Draco was awake. "Whose bra is that?" Harry asked.
"Yours."
"...I don't have a bra."
"Yes you do. I found this in your bed."
Harry remained silent. He didn't own a bra. How did one get on his bed? He honestly didn't know.
"Draco...read the name written on the inside. There has to be one." He suggested. Malfoy took the bra off and read it. "Ginny Weasley." He said.
"...Ginny's flat, she doesn't need a bra. And why the heck did she put one on my bed anyway?!"
"I don't know. Hey, I dare you to poke McGonagall's butt before she wakes up." Draco replied. Then, handing the lacy pink bra to Harry, said, "With this on your head."
Not wanting to be called a chicken, Harry tied the bra onto his head and slowly, quietly crawled towards sleeping McGonagall who was wearing nothing but Potter's boxers. He reached out and poked her behind, then scurried back over to his sleeping bag. She didn't respond at first.
Suddenly she sat up, holding a knife (how she got one remains a mystery) and with a quick downward slice, castrated them both.
Ron woke to two horrible screams. One masculine, one feminine.
"Hermione? Harry?" He asked, sitting up quickly. But Hermione was still asleep, somehow. Oh. Draco. Of course.
"What the bleep?!?! Professor! You...you..." Before he finished, he fainted at the sight of the other boys' blood.
"I feel violated." Draco whined.
"I feel unmale." Harry moaned.
"I feel dirty." Minerva commented. "Harry, since you no longer meet the school's requirements to be considered a boy, you have to sleep in the girl's dorm." Hermione shrieked like a banshee. "I AM NOT GOING TO SHARE A DORM WITH THAT BRAT!" She screamed, waking up Ron again.
Ron reasserted what'd happened and quickly bolted from the room and down the halls...and ran full-tilt into Snape. Or so it seemed. It looked more like a woman cosplaying as Severus.
"Snape? Is that you?" Ron asked.
"Yes. But I'm a woman now. I started a weretransformation during the...er...operation...and they somehow turned me into a girl. Now that I'm female, I want to make love to you."
It was far too early in the morning for Ron to be hearing this. "Uhm...?"
"And where's your father? I want to make love to him too. And your brothers." Snape continued.
"Er...in the Gryffindor house...and at the Burrow..." Ron said.
"Okay!" And with that, the professorette sped off, singing merrily to 'her'self.
Harry, Draco, Ron, and Hermione stumbled into class, which was Herbology. As they entered the greenhouse, Ms. Sprout nearly jumped out of her skin. "Children! How dare you come to class like that! I demand you wear proper clothes!" She shouted, waving around a plant with her single arm.
"Huh?" The kids asked in unison. Then it dawned on them.
Harry's robes were actually Slytherin robes and he still had a bra on his head. Ron was still nude. Draco was in Gryffindor robes, and Hermione had somehow ended up wearing his boxers on her head...and also wearing McGonagall's dress.
However, glancing at Ron, Sprout blushed right up to her ears. "Why, aren't you looking fine today..." She drawled.
"Hey, I'M the one who drawls!" Draco whined, stomping a foot.
"Shut up, and 300 points from Slytherin for being a brat." She snapped, whapping him with the plant. He sniffled and his lip trembled, but he said no more.
"And as for YOU..." She said, turning her gaze to Ron, "A thousand points for Gryffindor for being the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!" And with the last word, she threw the herb straight into the air and it ended up smacking Harry in the face.
"Why are teachers suddenly hitting on me?" Ron said, flushing.
"Because you're very, very attractive." Harry said.
"I've always wanted you, Weasley." Draco chimed in. Hermione looked at them like they were psychotic, which is understandable. Ron was now extremely frightened.
"NO! He's mine! I saw him first!" Sprout shrieked. "You two boys get away from him! MINE!" She suddenly pounced on Harry and slapped the begobbles out of him. Draco walked up to a vine plant and kissed its flower blossom. "I love you, you wonderful woman!" He said, smooching the plant more. Hermione screamed with terror and fled the greenhouse.
After beating Harry to a pulp and stomping on what remains of his crotch, Sprout then pounced in Ron's general direction.
Pomfrey was sitting in the Hospital Wing playing darts with hypodermic needles when suddenly a very fat Mrs. Snape burst in. "I'm having a baby!"
"Well lie down on the bed and push it out, you stupid git!" Poppy replied. Severus complied and in a few moments, she was holding three little babies. One had red hair, black eyes, the other had black hair, red eyes, and the last had pink hair and rainbow eyes. "What do I name them?" Snape asked idly.
Pomfrey shrugged and said the first words that came to mind. "Ting, Tang, and Walla-walla-bing-bang."
"Okay!"
"Now get out of here and take your mutant children with you!" Pomfrey shouted, ushering the mother-of-three out of the Wing, then continued playing darts.
Remus was terribly lost in Hogwarts.
Wandering down hallway after hallway that all seemed identical, he barely could even tell up from down anymore. Looking down past the railing of the staircase he stood on and staring at what seemed like an infinite number of staircases descending into utter darkness, he yelled with all his might.
"Help me! I'm looost!" ((A/N: Heheh. I'd like someone to name what movie/book I got that from.))
But then he heard a voice.
He dashed along the corridor towards the voice and flung open the door to himself in Filch's office. Argus was...making out with Mrs. Norris.
"Filch! What are you doing to your poor cat?!" Lupin cried, apalled at the sight.
"It-it's not what you think!" Argus replied, disembracing from the feline. "Er...when did you decide to start crossdressing?" He commented, glancing at the were's dress.
"I didn't...I accidentily put it on...and if it wasn't what I was thinking, whatever I might have been thinking, then what was it?"
"Mrs. Norris is...well...you see...she was an unregistered animagus, but something went wrong and she was stuck in animal form. She was my lover. Being a Squib, I couln't change her back, and I couldn't go to the Ministry either because her transformation itself was illegal..." Argus explained.
"Well, I can fix her." He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the cat. He uttered the incantation and she began to transform...
----
Bahaha. That's the end. :P Quite a cliffhanger, eh? Well, my thanks go out to everyone I mentioned last time as well as:
Amber, for the multiple Weasley baby/Ting, Tang, Walla-wall-bing-bang ideas.
~*~*~Jo Jo Bynx~*~*~
Chapter 7
MeowthHB
Disclaimers: I don't own anything. Not even sanity. Ph33r me. Rawr.
----
Harry woke up as a chill breeze blew through the room...and it was most certainly noticable since he wasn't wearing anything. He sat up and threw on some robes, then looked at Draco, who was wearing a bra. What the bleep was he doing in a bra?! Harry wondered. And whose bra was it?
"Potter...why are you staring at me?"
Harry just now noticed Draco was awake. "Whose bra is that?" Harry asked.
"Yours."
"...I don't have a bra."
"Yes you do. I found this in your bed."
Harry remained silent. He didn't own a bra. How did one get on his bed? He honestly didn't know.
"Draco...read the name written on the inside. There has to be one." He suggested. Malfoy took the bra off and read it. "Ginny Weasley." He said.
"...Ginny's flat, she doesn't need a bra. And why the heck did she put one on my bed anyway?!"
"I don't know. Hey, I dare you to poke McGonagall's butt before she wakes up." Draco replied. Then, handing the lacy pink bra to Harry, said, "With this on your head."
Not wanting to be called a chicken, Harry tied the bra onto his head and slowly, quietly crawled towards sleeping McGonagall who was wearing nothing but Potter's boxers. He reached out and poked her behind, then scurried back over to his sleeping bag. She didn't respond at first.
Suddenly she sat up, holding a knife (how she got one remains a mystery) and with a quick downward slice, castrated them both.
Ron woke to two horrible screams. One masculine, one feminine.
"Hermione? Harry?" He asked, sitting up quickly. But Hermione was still asleep, somehow. Oh. Draco. Of course.
"What the bleep?!?! Professor! You...you..." Before he finished, he fainted at the sight of the other boys' blood.
"I feel violated." Draco whined.
"I feel unmale." Harry moaned.
"I feel dirty." Minerva commented. "Harry, since you no longer meet the school's requirements to be considered a boy, you have to sleep in the girl's dorm." Hermione shrieked like a banshee. "I AM NOT GOING TO SHARE A DORM WITH THAT BRAT!" She screamed, waking up Ron again.
Ron reasserted what'd happened and quickly bolted from the room and down the halls...and ran full-tilt into Snape. Or so it seemed. It looked more like a woman cosplaying as Severus.
"Snape? Is that you?" Ron asked.
"Yes. But I'm a woman now. I started a weretransformation during the...er...operation...and they somehow turned me into a girl. Now that I'm female, I want to make love to you."
It was far too early in the morning for Ron to be hearing this. "Uhm...?"
"And where's your father? I want to make love to him too. And your brothers." Snape continued.
"Er...in the Gryffindor house...and at the Burrow..." Ron said.
"Okay!" And with that, the professorette sped off, singing merrily to 'her'self.
Harry, Draco, Ron, and Hermione stumbled into class, which was Herbology. As they entered the greenhouse, Ms. Sprout nearly jumped out of her skin. "Children! How dare you come to class like that! I demand you wear proper clothes!" She shouted, waving around a plant with her single arm.
"Huh?" The kids asked in unison. Then it dawned on them.
Harry's robes were actually Slytherin robes and he still had a bra on his head. Ron was still nude. Draco was in Gryffindor robes, and Hermione had somehow ended up wearing his boxers on her head...and also wearing McGonagall's dress.
However, glancing at Ron, Sprout blushed right up to her ears. "Why, aren't you looking fine today..." She drawled.
"Hey, I'M the one who drawls!" Draco whined, stomping a foot.
"Shut up, and 300 points from Slytherin for being a brat." She snapped, whapping him with the plant. He sniffled and his lip trembled, but he said no more.
"And as for YOU..." She said, turning her gaze to Ron, "A thousand points for Gryffindor for being the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!!!" And with the last word, she threw the herb straight into the air and it ended up smacking Harry in the face.
"Why are teachers suddenly hitting on me?" Ron said, flushing.
"Because you're very, very attractive." Harry said.
"I've always wanted you, Weasley." Draco chimed in. Hermione looked at them like they were psychotic, which is understandable. Ron was now extremely frightened.
"NO! He's mine! I saw him first!" Sprout shrieked. "You two boys get away from him! MINE!" She suddenly pounced on Harry and slapped the begobbles out of him. Draco walked up to a vine plant and kissed its flower blossom. "I love you, you wonderful woman!" He said, smooching the plant more. Hermione screamed with terror and fled the greenhouse.
After beating Harry to a pulp and stomping on what remains of his crotch, Sprout then pounced in Ron's general direction.
Pomfrey was sitting in the Hospital Wing playing darts with hypodermic needles when suddenly a very fat Mrs. Snape burst in. "I'm having a baby!"
"Well lie down on the bed and push it out, you stupid git!" Poppy replied. Severus complied and in a few moments, she was holding three little babies. One had red hair, black eyes, the other had black hair, red eyes, and the last had pink hair and rainbow eyes. "What do I name them?" Snape asked idly.
Pomfrey shrugged and said the first words that came to mind. "Ting, Tang, and Walla-walla-bing-bang."
"Okay!"
"Now get out of here and take your mutant children with you!" Pomfrey shouted, ushering the mother-of-three out of the Wing, then continued playing darts.
Remus was terribly lost in Hogwarts.
Wandering down hallway after hallway that all seemed identical, he barely could even tell up from down anymore. Looking down past the railing of the staircase he stood on and staring at what seemed like an infinite number of staircases descending into utter darkness, he yelled with all his might.
"Help me! I'm looost!" ((A/N: Heheh. I'd like someone to name what movie/book I got that from.))
But then he heard a voice.
He dashed along the corridor towards the voice and flung open the door to himself in Filch's office. Argus was...making out with Mrs. Norris.
"Filch! What are you doing to your poor cat?!" Lupin cried, apalled at the sight.
"It-it's not what you think!" Argus replied, disembracing from the feline. "Er...when did you decide to start crossdressing?" He commented, glancing at the were's dress.
"I didn't...I accidentily put it on...and if it wasn't what I was thinking, whatever I might have been thinking, then what was it?"
"Mrs. Norris is...well...you see...she was an unregistered animagus, but something went wrong and she was stuck in animal form. She was my lover. Being a Squib, I couln't change her back, and I couldn't go to the Ministry either because her transformation itself was illegal..." Argus explained.
"Well, I can fix her." He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the cat. He uttered the incantation and she began to transform...
----
Bahaha. That's the end. :P Quite a cliffhanger, eh? Well, my thanks go out to everyone I mentioned last time as well as:
Amber, for the multiple Weasley baby/Ting, Tang, Walla-wall-bing-bang ideas.
~*~*~Jo Jo Bynx~*~*~