My, you're a brave lot. Just to make sure you all know what your getting into, there will be yaoi, limes, violence, language, bazookas, beer, Sobe, crack, marshmallows, irate Gundam pilots, dehydrated Gundam pilots, a whole lot of other random crazy shit, and kangaroos.
See: But no worries, cuz I own Gundam Wing!
Gelfling: No you don't!
See: Yes I do!
Gelfling: You do not!
See: *holds up the 11 Gundam Wing DVDs* Yes I do! See! All 49 episodes and BOTH versions of Endless Waltz!
Gelfling: But you don't own any of the copyrights, merchandise, or characters! Or do you?
See: Ah crap. Just puncture my happy bubble, why don'tcha.
Gelfing: Kay!
We leave the authors and visit our beloved (and if they're not your beloveds than what the hell are you doing reading this section?) pilots. Picture a barren landscape, the sky a hard baby blue, with a searing sphere of white brillance directly overhead, like a homicidal and malevolent lemon meringue pie, poised to drop and smother innocent marsupials in it's gooey, sugary deathgrip. The floor tiles of a pub named "The Golden River" are cracked, rotten sugar cookie colored rocks, trash littered on it like so many pidgeons in Madison Square Gardens. A scraggly, windswept acacia tree stands next to this sorry establishment made of plastic siding and drift wood. There are no roads, only tire track fossils. no birds squawk there avian displeasure in this arrid despairing plane. But the beer is wet, cold, and surprisingly alcoholic. Here our tale commences. A kangaroo hops lazily by. Run kangaroo. The meringue is watching.
Wufei: *irate as always* What kind of name is the Golden River?
Duo: Probably has something to do with our bladders. Yo, barkeep! I'll take another! *waves wildly at bartender hits fellow drinker*
Quatre: Hey, Trowa, isn't this kind of like that place in TJ?
Trowa: .... *smiles suggestively*
Quatre: Not now, Trowa...later, when everyone else is asleep.
Heero: *hands covered with grease* *walks up to bar* Give me a six gallon.
Barkeep: *looks worried* Er...what for, mate?
Heero: The carburator's over heated.
Barkeep: *shrugs* Sure, why not. *hands over huge jug of booze* Does it really work for cars then, mate?
Heero: It works for everything else. *goes back out to car*
Barkeep: Bongo then mate.
Duo: *telling long story to no one in particular* ....like BOOM everywhere! Shit, it was like all over the place, the walls, the chairs and stuff and would you believe we ATE it? We could've died, no joke! Seriously some fell in Quatre's gold fish tank and the friggin' fish DIED I swear to God.....only we didn't tell him, Quatre I mean, not the goldfish, it was dead already.....[1]
Wufei: *mutters* All this alcohol isn't shutting Maxwell up.
Quatre: My goldfish DIED?!?
Trowa: ....
Wufei: *still muttering* Duck tape just doesn't work, last time it only lasted a few hours...Could always try something stronger if Yuy doesn't catch us....
Trowa: ....
Wufei: Especially if we got him really drunk first.....
Quatre: Trowa, how come you didn't tell me my goldfish died?
Trowa: ....
Quatre: Well, I know, but it would have been nice.
Trowa: *allows tears of remorse to gather in his eyes*
Quatre: Aww....it's ok. *hugs Trowa*
Trowa: *smirks*
Wufei: *STILL muttering with Dr.Hyde expression* Well, maybe Yuy won't mind after all...no more show tunes...
Duo: *to everyone in the bar* ....and then he says to the guy next to him, "Yeah, but it took 6 martinis to get her on the lawn!" [2] *laughs loudly, spraying a flourscent amber miasma of beer*
Heero: *stalks back in* The car's fixed. We can leave.
Duo: *throws arm over Heero's shoulder* Aw, but you ha'n't had any yet, my man! Barkeep, gimme another!
Heero: *wrinkles nose at Duo's breath* Baka, I'm driving. I'm not going to have any.
Duo: *belches loudly* But Hee-buddy.....*passes out*
Wufei: FINALLY! PRAISE NATAKU!
Heero: Hn. Baka. *scoops up Duo* Let's go. *walks out to van* *tosses Duo in the back*
Random Kangaroo: *hops out from van*
Heero: *stares at it* Right. *looks at dashboard* YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!! YOU STOLE THE CD PLAYER!!!
Kangaroo: *hops faster*
Heero: *pulls out bazooka* *blasts kangaroo, miraculously missing the CD player*
Wufei: Hn. Damn kangaroos. *retrieves CD player*
Quatre and Trowa, meanwhile, were kissing passionately in the bar, unaware of the barkeeps disturbed/disgusted/fascinated regard, until Quatre heard the blast.
Quatre: HM?! *pulls away* *runs outside* HEERO! DON'T!!
Trowa: *scowls* *follows Quatre*
Heero: Don't what?
Quatre: Don't shoot the....*sees kangaroo* OH NO!!! *starts to cry*
Trowa: *hugs Quatre* *kisses his cheek*
Heero: Quatre, it's ok. Look. *points at kangaroo*
Kangaroo: *gets up* *shakes* *scratches ear* *flips off Heero* *hops away rapidly*
Quatre: Oh. *sniff* Well. Ok then. *stops crying* Let's go! *jumps in car*
Trowa: ...! *follows*
Wufei: Shotgun! Hah! Maxwell, I called it! *climbs in passenger seat*
Duo: *snores*
Heero: Whatever. *ponders which is worse, show tunes or justice rants* *starts car*
And they drove off into the sunset, regardless of the fact that the sun would not set for at least three more hours. And the kangaroo went off to summon his vicious-marsupial-bike-riding-gun-toting posse....quaketh.
And revieweth!!
[1] Referrence to a Blue Seeress fic called "CAKE!". Best understood if read. Shameless plug. Feel encouraged to review that too.
[2] Referrence to a Gelfling joke. If you ask nicely in you review and leave your email, it will be sent to you.
See: But no worries, cuz I own Gundam Wing!
Gelfling: No you don't!
See: Yes I do!
Gelfling: You do not!
See: *holds up the 11 Gundam Wing DVDs* Yes I do! See! All 49 episodes and BOTH versions of Endless Waltz!
Gelfling: But you don't own any of the copyrights, merchandise, or characters! Or do you?
See: Ah crap. Just puncture my happy bubble, why don'tcha.
Gelfing: Kay!
We leave the authors and visit our beloved (and if they're not your beloveds than what the hell are you doing reading this section?) pilots. Picture a barren landscape, the sky a hard baby blue, with a searing sphere of white brillance directly overhead, like a homicidal and malevolent lemon meringue pie, poised to drop and smother innocent marsupials in it's gooey, sugary deathgrip. The floor tiles of a pub named "The Golden River" are cracked, rotten sugar cookie colored rocks, trash littered on it like so many pidgeons in Madison Square Gardens. A scraggly, windswept acacia tree stands next to this sorry establishment made of plastic siding and drift wood. There are no roads, only tire track fossils. no birds squawk there avian displeasure in this arrid despairing plane. But the beer is wet, cold, and surprisingly alcoholic. Here our tale commences. A kangaroo hops lazily by. Run kangaroo. The meringue is watching.
Wufei: *irate as always* What kind of name is the Golden River?
Duo: Probably has something to do with our bladders. Yo, barkeep! I'll take another! *waves wildly at bartender hits fellow drinker*
Quatre: Hey, Trowa, isn't this kind of like that place in TJ?
Trowa: .... *smiles suggestively*
Quatre: Not now, Trowa...later, when everyone else is asleep.
Heero: *hands covered with grease* *walks up to bar* Give me a six gallon.
Barkeep: *looks worried* Er...what for, mate?
Heero: The carburator's over heated.
Barkeep: *shrugs* Sure, why not. *hands over huge jug of booze* Does it really work for cars then, mate?
Heero: It works for everything else. *goes back out to car*
Barkeep: Bongo then mate.
Duo: *telling long story to no one in particular* ....like BOOM everywhere! Shit, it was like all over the place, the walls, the chairs and stuff and would you believe we ATE it? We could've died, no joke! Seriously some fell in Quatre's gold fish tank and the friggin' fish DIED I swear to God.....only we didn't tell him, Quatre I mean, not the goldfish, it was dead already.....[1]
Wufei: *mutters* All this alcohol isn't shutting Maxwell up.
Quatre: My goldfish DIED?!?
Trowa: ....
Wufei: *still muttering* Duck tape just doesn't work, last time it only lasted a few hours...Could always try something stronger if Yuy doesn't catch us....
Trowa: ....
Wufei: Especially if we got him really drunk first.....
Quatre: Trowa, how come you didn't tell me my goldfish died?
Trowa: ....
Quatre: Well, I know, but it would have been nice.
Trowa: *allows tears of remorse to gather in his eyes*
Quatre: Aww....it's ok. *hugs Trowa*
Trowa: *smirks*
Wufei: *STILL muttering with Dr.Hyde expression* Well, maybe Yuy won't mind after all...no more show tunes...
Duo: *to everyone in the bar* ....and then he says to the guy next to him, "Yeah, but it took 6 martinis to get her on the lawn!" [2] *laughs loudly, spraying a flourscent amber miasma of beer*
Heero: *stalks back in* The car's fixed. We can leave.
Duo: *throws arm over Heero's shoulder* Aw, but you ha'n't had any yet, my man! Barkeep, gimme another!
Heero: *wrinkles nose at Duo's breath* Baka, I'm driving. I'm not going to have any.
Duo: *belches loudly* But Hee-buddy.....*passes out*
Wufei: FINALLY! PRAISE NATAKU!
Heero: Hn. Baka. *scoops up Duo* Let's go. *walks out to van* *tosses Duo in the back*
Random Kangaroo: *hops out from van*
Heero: *stares at it* Right. *looks at dashboard* YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!! YOU STOLE THE CD PLAYER!!!
Kangaroo: *hops faster*
Heero: *pulls out bazooka* *blasts kangaroo, miraculously missing the CD player*
Wufei: Hn. Damn kangaroos. *retrieves CD player*
Quatre and Trowa, meanwhile, were kissing passionately in the bar, unaware of the barkeeps disturbed/disgusted/fascinated regard, until Quatre heard the blast.
Quatre: HM?! *pulls away* *runs outside* HEERO! DON'T!!
Trowa: *scowls* *follows Quatre*
Heero: Don't what?
Quatre: Don't shoot the....*sees kangaroo* OH NO!!! *starts to cry*
Trowa: *hugs Quatre* *kisses his cheek*
Heero: Quatre, it's ok. Look. *points at kangaroo*
Kangaroo: *gets up* *shakes* *scratches ear* *flips off Heero* *hops away rapidly*
Quatre: Oh. *sniff* Well. Ok then. *stops crying* Let's go! *jumps in car*
Trowa: ...! *follows*
Wufei: Shotgun! Hah! Maxwell, I called it! *climbs in passenger seat*
Duo: *snores*
Heero: Whatever. *ponders which is worse, show tunes or justice rants* *starts car*
And they drove off into the sunset, regardless of the fact that the sun would not set for at least three more hours. And the kangaroo went off to summon his vicious-marsupial-bike-riding-gun-toting posse....quaketh.
And revieweth!!
[1] Referrence to a Blue Seeress fic called "CAKE!". Best understood if read. Shameless plug. Feel encouraged to review that too.
[2] Referrence to a Gelfling joke. If you ask nicely in you review and leave your email, it will be sent to you.