"Heeromeo and Duoette"
A/N: Most names in this are a comination of the GWing character and the Shakespeare one (HeeRO + ROmeo = Heeromeo; WUfei, BalTHASAR = Wuthasar). 'Relena' is a mix of an extra and Rosalind (Who never appears in "Romeo and Juliet") so some lines are switched/added when she's around. Also, the 'guys in dresses' theme is a dig at the lack of female dramatists in Shakespeare's time. Please don't be offended.
Act One; Scene One
[Enter, stage left: Two Maguanacs from the house of Capulet. They swagger down the street, acting like they're all that and a bag of chips.]
Mag. One: Oh yeah, we're so cool.
Mag. Two: Uh-huh. Capulets rule, Montayuys suck!
[Two Montayuy servants enter, stage right, walking the opposite direction as the Maguanacs.]
Mag. One: (pulls out sword) Look! Servants of the house of Montayuy!
Mag. Two: (waves his sword) Let's get them!
Mag. One: (reconsiders) Um, wait. Let's just insult them or something.
[As Wuthasar and another Montayuy servant pass them, Mag. Two flips them off.]
Mon. Servant: Did you see that?
Wuthasar: Yes. But I shall not pick a fight with lowly Capulet worms.
[But Mon. Servant turns and shouts at the Maguanacs anyway.]
Mon. Servant: Did you just flip us off, sir?
Mag. One: He did flip someone off, sir?
Mon. Servant: (angry) Did you just flip *us* off, sir?!
[Wuthasar signals Mon. Servant that someone is coming.]
Mag. Two: I do flip someone off, sir, but I do not flip you off.
[Enter Trowalio, stage left. He is one of the Montayuy family, Heeromeo's first cousin.]
Mag One: (to Mag. Two) Here comes one of our master's kin! We will fight them!
[Both pull out their swords again.]
Mon. Servant: Liars!
Mag. Two: Draw, if you be men!
[Well, Wuthasar is pissed now, so they fight.]
Trowalio: Stop, bakas! (beats down their swords with his own) You know not what you do!
[Enter, low right, Relena (Duoette's friend) and Dorobalt, hot-headed sister of Lord Capulet.]
Relena: What, are you fighting with the servants of my friend?
Dorobalt: Turn, Trowalio! And look on your death!
Relena: Peace, Dorobalt, peace!
[Trowalio turns to the pacifist, sword pointed at her.]
Trowalio: What, we are drawn and you talk of peace?
Dorobalt: I hate the word, as I hate Hell and all Montayuys!
[Despite Relena jumping up and down, waving her hands in the peace sign, they fight.]
[Enter, high left, Lord Quatre Capulet and Lady Rashid.]
Rashid: What's this, what's this? Give me a longsword!
Quatre: A crutch, a crutch! Why call you for a sword?
Rashid: Um, because...(whines) I wanna fight tooo!
[Enter, high right, Dr. J Montayuy]
Dr. J: You villains, Capulets!
Relena: (screaming to no one in particular) Stop, stop! Fighting isn't the way!
[Enter Princess Meiran (or an actress playing Mei-sama). Wuthasar gets all starry-eyed at her appearance.]
Meiran: Rebellious subjects, enemies of peace!
Listen up, you men, you beasts!
I'll punish any and all fighting from now on by death! All this fighting has started because of a simple insult, and I'm sick of it! Every time a brawl starts, I lose good taxpayers! Leave, all of you, and heed my warning!
[Exit all, save Dr. J and Trowalio.]
Dr. J: Okay, how did this start? Trowalio, was it you?
Trowalio: Hey, I was just trying to break it up! Blame Dorobalt Capulet!
Dr. J: Curse that Dorobalt! Her temper will come to no good! (calms down a bit) Say, have you seen Heeromeo?
[Trowalio nods and points offstage right. On cue, Heeromeo enters, looking oddly sad.]
Dr. J: What's wrong with my..um, son? (aside) He's not really, but okay...
[Heeromeo glances over his shoulder, kinda scared.]
Trowalio: See, the poor guy is trying to get away from Relena, friend of the Capulets.
Dr. J: Well, he better not start liking her.
Trowalio: Don't worry.
Dr. J: (glances at watch) Ack! I'm late to go pick up gundanium for those repairs on Heavyarms and Wing!
[Exit Dr. J.]
Heeromeo: Was that the good doctor that went by so quickly.
Trowalio: It was.
Heeromeo: Ah me! The time seems to pass so slowly!
Trowalio: What sadness lengthens Heeromeo's days?
Heeromeo: That which the lack of makes them short.
[Trowalio sweatdrops.]
Trowalio: In love?
Heeromeo: Out--
Trowalio: Out of love?
Heeromeo: Out of love with she who is in love with me. (pause) Basically, I'm running away from Relena, who loves me and thinks I love her but I don't.
Trowalio: Oh...
[Heeromeo notices all the blood from the brawl.]
Heeromeo: Ah, Trowalio! What fray was here?
[Before Trowalio can explain, Heeromeo continues.]
Heeromeo: And yet, I know. It's the same thing it always is?
Trowalio: Yes.
Heeromeo: Have you seen Relena today?
Trowalio: Yes, she was with Dorobalt, who started the fight.
Heeromeo: Then right glad I am I was not in this fray.
[Exit Trowalio and Heeromeo]
A/N: Most names in this are a comination of the GWing character and the Shakespeare one (HeeRO + ROmeo = Heeromeo; WUfei, BalTHASAR = Wuthasar). 'Relena' is a mix of an extra and Rosalind (Who never appears in "Romeo and Juliet") so some lines are switched/added when she's around. Also, the 'guys in dresses' theme is a dig at the lack of female dramatists in Shakespeare's time. Please don't be offended.
Act One; Scene One
[Enter, stage left: Two Maguanacs from the house of Capulet. They swagger down the street, acting like they're all that and a bag of chips.]
Mag. One: Oh yeah, we're so cool.
Mag. Two: Uh-huh. Capulets rule, Montayuys suck!
[Two Montayuy servants enter, stage right, walking the opposite direction as the Maguanacs.]
Mag. One: (pulls out sword) Look! Servants of the house of Montayuy!
Mag. Two: (waves his sword) Let's get them!
Mag. One: (reconsiders) Um, wait. Let's just insult them or something.
[As Wuthasar and another Montayuy servant pass them, Mag. Two flips them off.]
Mon. Servant: Did you see that?
Wuthasar: Yes. But I shall not pick a fight with lowly Capulet worms.
[But Mon. Servant turns and shouts at the Maguanacs anyway.]
Mon. Servant: Did you just flip us off, sir?
Mag. One: He did flip someone off, sir?
Mon. Servant: (angry) Did you just flip *us* off, sir?!
[Wuthasar signals Mon. Servant that someone is coming.]
Mag. Two: I do flip someone off, sir, but I do not flip you off.
[Enter Trowalio, stage left. He is one of the Montayuy family, Heeromeo's first cousin.]
Mag One: (to Mag. Two) Here comes one of our master's kin! We will fight them!
[Both pull out their swords again.]
Mon. Servant: Liars!
Mag. Two: Draw, if you be men!
[Well, Wuthasar is pissed now, so they fight.]
Trowalio: Stop, bakas! (beats down their swords with his own) You know not what you do!
[Enter, low right, Relena (Duoette's friend) and Dorobalt, hot-headed sister of Lord Capulet.]
Relena: What, are you fighting with the servants of my friend?
Dorobalt: Turn, Trowalio! And look on your death!
Relena: Peace, Dorobalt, peace!
[Trowalio turns to the pacifist, sword pointed at her.]
Trowalio: What, we are drawn and you talk of peace?
Dorobalt: I hate the word, as I hate Hell and all Montayuys!
[Despite Relena jumping up and down, waving her hands in the peace sign, they fight.]
[Enter, high left, Lord Quatre Capulet and Lady Rashid.]
Rashid: What's this, what's this? Give me a longsword!
Quatre: A crutch, a crutch! Why call you for a sword?
Rashid: Um, because...(whines) I wanna fight tooo!
[Enter, high right, Dr. J Montayuy]
Dr. J: You villains, Capulets!
Relena: (screaming to no one in particular) Stop, stop! Fighting isn't the way!
[Enter Princess Meiran (or an actress playing Mei-sama). Wuthasar gets all starry-eyed at her appearance.]
Meiran: Rebellious subjects, enemies of peace!
Listen up, you men, you beasts!
I'll punish any and all fighting from now on by death! All this fighting has started because of a simple insult, and I'm sick of it! Every time a brawl starts, I lose good taxpayers! Leave, all of you, and heed my warning!
[Exit all, save Dr. J and Trowalio.]
Dr. J: Okay, how did this start? Trowalio, was it you?
Trowalio: Hey, I was just trying to break it up! Blame Dorobalt Capulet!
Dr. J: Curse that Dorobalt! Her temper will come to no good! (calms down a bit) Say, have you seen Heeromeo?
[Trowalio nods and points offstage right. On cue, Heeromeo enters, looking oddly sad.]
Dr. J: What's wrong with my..um, son? (aside) He's not really, but okay...
[Heeromeo glances over his shoulder, kinda scared.]
Trowalio: See, the poor guy is trying to get away from Relena, friend of the Capulets.
Dr. J: Well, he better not start liking her.
Trowalio: Don't worry.
Dr. J: (glances at watch) Ack! I'm late to go pick up gundanium for those repairs on Heavyarms and Wing!
[Exit Dr. J.]
Heeromeo: Was that the good doctor that went by so quickly.
Trowalio: It was.
Heeromeo: Ah me! The time seems to pass so slowly!
Trowalio: What sadness lengthens Heeromeo's days?
Heeromeo: That which the lack of makes them short.
[Trowalio sweatdrops.]
Trowalio: In love?
Heeromeo: Out--
Trowalio: Out of love?
Heeromeo: Out of love with she who is in love with me. (pause) Basically, I'm running away from Relena, who loves me and thinks I love her but I don't.
Trowalio: Oh...
[Heeromeo notices all the blood from the brawl.]
Heeromeo: Ah, Trowalio! What fray was here?
[Before Trowalio can explain, Heeromeo continues.]
Heeromeo: And yet, I know. It's the same thing it always is?
Trowalio: Yes.
Heeromeo: Have you seen Relena today?
Trowalio: Yes, she was with Dorobalt, who started the fight.
Heeromeo: Then right glad I am I was not in this fray.
[Exit Trowalio and Heeromeo]