"Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown"
Chapter Eight: All About My Mother
Author: Gluglug
Spoiler Warning/Timing: Late-Third Season
Rating: PG -13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters are property of The Dubba Dubba Dubba WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Amy Sherman- Palladino. They don't belong to me, just borrowing.
Summary: Lorelai returns from the diner and talks to Rory about her appointment with the other Dr. Lieberman. ======================================================================
After her talk with Luke, Lorelai took a slow walk home, basking in the late April sunshine. Suddenly, "Brady Bunch" ring tones interrupted her content mood and she fished around in her bag to answer her phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Lorelai, you're alive."
Lorelai smiled. "Alex. Hi, sweetie."
"Did you get the message I left you? I thought I'd try you on your cell, too."
"Well, aren't you Mr. Thorough? I got it but I was just out the door for brunch at Luke's, so I didn't have a chance to call you back. How are you?"
"I'm great. The real question is how are you? I was kind of worried that I didn't hear from you all week. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, everything's great. It's just been a crazy week, with the Inn expansion and everything."
"Good. I thought maybe you were mad at me."
"Why would I be mad?"
"Well, our date last weekend didn't end up with me feeding you coffee and bagels in bed, and I know you were worried about Rory and everything. Lorelai, I want to apologize."
"For what?"
"For being Mr. Insensitive about the condom thing. I mean, considering your history, I should've been a little more supportive. I'm sorry."
"Alex, I wasn't mad at you. But you are so sweet to apologize anyway. And you were maybe a teensy bit insensitive, but I'll forgive you."
"So we're good. Is everything okay with Rory?"
Lorelai sighed. "It's gonna be."
"Good. So are you coming to the Java Junction tonight? We have some live entertainment that I'm sure you'll love. I've booked an 80's cover band and the singer changes costumes. You should see his Boy George outfit."
"Does he look like the guy in the "Wedding Singer"? If so, I'm there."
"Oh, he looks better. So say around 9?"
"I'll be there with bells on."
"Is that all?"
Lorelai giggled. "Dirty."
"Great, and I'll save you a pot of our premium blend Colombian coffee. Love ya."
"See you."
Lorelai switched off her cell and put it in her bag. She didn't know how to tell Alex that she'd have to turn down his offer of delicious coffee. He was the only person besides Rory who could keep up with her caffeine intake. She had just reached home and noticed the jeep parked in the driveway, Rory must've just returned from her appointment.
"Hey, Hon, I'm home."
"Hey Mom, how was brunch?" Rory called from the couch, where she was reading a book.
"Oh interesting. Jess made a dirty remark about Luke, the French toast tried to tongue me and I finally succumbed to temptation and had Luke's decaf."
"Mom, is Luke's turning into a brothel or is your mind in the gutter again?"
"Neither. It's the caffeine withdrawal that's making me hallucinate. So speaking of sex, how was your visit with Dr. Lieberman?"
"Oh, also interesting. I think I'm going to be a virgin until I'm 30."
"What do you mean, why the about face?"
"Well, she told me all about STDs and the havoc they can wreak not only on your reproductive system but your whole body, with visual aids no, less. She also showed me all the ways male condoms, female condoms, the pill, the patch, IUDs and diaphragms can fail." Rory took a breath. "She also recommended that if I'm going to be sexually active, that not only do I use a condom but I should also go on the pill. The more barriers, the better."
"Well, that makes sense. Perhaps you should consider birth control pills."
"But that means I'd have to go back again for a pelvic exam and face the evil stirrups. Plus I'd have to be on the pill for a few weeks before I could even consider having sex with Jess."
"Well, it is a big responsibility. If you want the pleasure, you'll have to go through all of that, including the stirrups. Sorry, that's the breaks."
Rory grimaced. "It sucks being a woman."
"Oh, it's not so bad. In spite of the monthly pain and the occasional trip to the gynecologist we have it pretty good. We get to be pretty, buy lots of girly things and then bat our eyes at the opposite sex to get them to do whatever we want. We also get to be mothers sooner or later. In my case, sooner, and yours later, if you do what Dr. Lieberman says."
Rory nodded. "I knew it's a big responsibility, but why doesn't Jess have to go some doctor and have his privates probed before he can touch me?"
"Okay, that's a mental picture I need to shake from my mind's eye right now." Lorelai decided to this would be a good time to follow up on her talk with Luke. "Rory, I want to ask you something."
"What?"
"Do you know if Jess is experienced, I mean have you guys talked about your sexual histories?"
"Well, Jess knows I'm a virgin."
"And what do you know about Jess?"
"I'm pretty sure he's not. I know he had a couple of girlfriends when he lived in New York and I once saw Shane's skanky bra in the backseat of his car. This was of course, before we dated."
"But you don't know for sure?"
"No, but I've always assumed that he's more experienced than I am. Mom, why is Jess's sexual status so important to you?"
"Rory, I hope you won't be mad."
"Uh, oh the last time you said that, you told me about your little faux pas at Luke's. What is it?"
"Well, I remember you were angry with me that I told Alex about the condoms. Would you be mad if I told you that Luke and I have been talking about your and Jess' private lives?"
Rory looked at her mother warily. "How private?"
"Well, um, private. When I went to apologize to him last week, we wound up talking about you and Jess, it was kind of unavoidable."
"What did you talk about?"
"Well, I told Luke that you were considering, um, a change in your sexual status and I asked him to talk to Jess, to make sure that he knew that if you started having sex, that he be careful with you."
Rory was angry. "Mom, how could you? I haven't even told Jess that I'm thinking about this, I wanted it to come from me, not Luke! Did he talk to him?"
Lorelai was filled with surprise and regret. "Oh honey. I'm so sorry, I thought when you told me that you'd decided to have sex, that you would've shared the news with him first."
Rory's voice rose. "You didn't answer my question. Did Luke talk to Jess yet?"
"Yes." Lorelai offered weakly.
Rory stood up and paced the floor, trying to stay calm even though she wanted to strangle her mother for interfering.
"So what did Luke say?"
"Um, he talked to Jess and told him it would be okay for you guys to have sex if you were protected and only when you said you were ready. That's not so bad, huh?"
"Not so bad?" Rory said sarcastically. "Now Jess will think when I see him tonight that I'm gonna jump his bones! Mom, do you know how embarrassing this is for me?"
"Honey, I'm sorry. I feel really stupid about this. But you have to know that Luke and I have the best intentions. And even if Jess thinks you want to jump his bones, he may not want to go through with it."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Rory, um. Luke told me that Jess is afraid to have sex with you."
Rory was incredulous. "Jess told Luke that he's afraid?"
"Well, I don't know exactly what was said, I don't have a transcript. Luke said the reason Jess hasn't been aggressive with you is because he doesn't want to screw up your life."
Rory sat down on the couch, her anger replaced by confusion.
"Oh my god. Jess told me the reason he wasn't pressuring me is because of the rules Luke imposed on him. He never told me that."
"Well, this is why I wanted to know if Jess was a virgin. I thought he might be if he's freaking out and he didn't know how to tell you."
"Mom, why is it so important to you what Jess' reasons are? I mean I thought you might be thrilled that he's afraid, so we won't do anything stupid."
"But honey, we're spending all of this time and energy preparing you for this and I want this to be a great experience for you, the way it wasn't for me. If Jess is all anxious, it's not going to be great."
"What do you mean the way it wasn't for you?"
Lorelai sighed. "Well, I lost my virginity to your dad right before I turned sixteen. Not the night you were conceived, but a few months earlier. We weren't prepared, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that your dad was a great kisser and I wanted his hands all over me. When I didn't get pregnant from the first time, we thought we were immune and weren't careful. And then one night on my parent's balcony, you happened."
Lorelai reached out and stroked her daughter's hair.
"Rory, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just getting over involved with this whole sex thing because I just want everything to be wonderful for you. I want you to avoid all the mistakes I made when I was a teenager. But if you want me to butt out, I will."
"Well, it's a little late for butting out now, Mom. And I still have to face Jess tonight. It's gonna be an interesting conversation, believe me."
"So you'll forgive Mommy for her overzealous indiscretion?"
Rory sighed. "I'll forgive you. But I'm still so embarrassed. And how I'm I supposed to face Luke?"
"Oh, let me worry about Luke. You know, he only wants the best for you and Jess."
"Yeah, you two win the prize for the most involved parents slash guardians."
Damage control over, Lorelai decided to change the subject. "So, what are your plans tonight with Jess?"
"Oh, I'm gonna eat at the diner tonight and hang with him until closing. Then we're gonna watch some DVDs. He just bought a DVD player and wanted to watch the commentary version of "Dude, Where's My Car?" Very intellectual."
"Jess has to work tonight?"
"Yeah, I think Luke has a date with Nicole. Mom, promise me you're not going to sneak around his apartment listening for moans of passion."
"I promise, no sneaking and I'm seeing Alex tonight, anyway. He's working at the Java Junction and there's supposed to be some 80's cover band he wants me to see. I'm kind of nervous, though."
"Why?"
"Well, the doctor told me to cut back on caffeine due to my sleep problems but Alex promised me some free premium blend Colombian coffee. How am I supposed to resist an offer like that?"
"That's tough, but I'm sure you can do it. Be strong. Either that or tell Alex to give you free coffee beans, bring them home and I'll have them."
"Good idea. You like the fact that I'm dating Mr. Coffee, huh?"
"Yeah, you're a match made in coffee heaven. I have to finish reading this book, so I'll talk to you later."
"Later, babe."
A/N: Next up, Rory and Jess will talk (yes a R/J scene). I hope I did a good job in explaining Lorelai's motives here. As I said in my note on the review board, I didn't mean to imply that L/L were plotting for R/J to have sex in the previous chapter.
Chapter Eight: All About My Mother
Author: Gluglug
Spoiler Warning/Timing: Late-Third Season
Rating: PG -13
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all characters are property of The Dubba Dubba Dubba WB, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions and Amy Sherman- Palladino. They don't belong to me, just borrowing.
Summary: Lorelai returns from the diner and talks to Rory about her appointment with the other Dr. Lieberman. ======================================================================
After her talk with Luke, Lorelai took a slow walk home, basking in the late April sunshine. Suddenly, "Brady Bunch" ring tones interrupted her content mood and she fished around in her bag to answer her phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Lorelai, you're alive."
Lorelai smiled. "Alex. Hi, sweetie."
"Did you get the message I left you? I thought I'd try you on your cell, too."
"Well, aren't you Mr. Thorough? I got it but I was just out the door for brunch at Luke's, so I didn't have a chance to call you back. How are you?"
"I'm great. The real question is how are you? I was kind of worried that I didn't hear from you all week. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, everything's great. It's just been a crazy week, with the Inn expansion and everything."
"Good. I thought maybe you were mad at me."
"Why would I be mad?"
"Well, our date last weekend didn't end up with me feeding you coffee and bagels in bed, and I know you were worried about Rory and everything. Lorelai, I want to apologize."
"For what?"
"For being Mr. Insensitive about the condom thing. I mean, considering your history, I should've been a little more supportive. I'm sorry."
"Alex, I wasn't mad at you. But you are so sweet to apologize anyway. And you were maybe a teensy bit insensitive, but I'll forgive you."
"So we're good. Is everything okay with Rory?"
Lorelai sighed. "It's gonna be."
"Good. So are you coming to the Java Junction tonight? We have some live entertainment that I'm sure you'll love. I've booked an 80's cover band and the singer changes costumes. You should see his Boy George outfit."
"Does he look like the guy in the "Wedding Singer"? If so, I'm there."
"Oh, he looks better. So say around 9?"
"I'll be there with bells on."
"Is that all?"
Lorelai giggled. "Dirty."
"Great, and I'll save you a pot of our premium blend Colombian coffee. Love ya."
"See you."
Lorelai switched off her cell and put it in her bag. She didn't know how to tell Alex that she'd have to turn down his offer of delicious coffee. He was the only person besides Rory who could keep up with her caffeine intake. She had just reached home and noticed the jeep parked in the driveway, Rory must've just returned from her appointment.
"Hey, Hon, I'm home."
"Hey Mom, how was brunch?" Rory called from the couch, where she was reading a book.
"Oh interesting. Jess made a dirty remark about Luke, the French toast tried to tongue me and I finally succumbed to temptation and had Luke's decaf."
"Mom, is Luke's turning into a brothel or is your mind in the gutter again?"
"Neither. It's the caffeine withdrawal that's making me hallucinate. So speaking of sex, how was your visit with Dr. Lieberman?"
"Oh, also interesting. I think I'm going to be a virgin until I'm 30."
"What do you mean, why the about face?"
"Well, she told me all about STDs and the havoc they can wreak not only on your reproductive system but your whole body, with visual aids no, less. She also showed me all the ways male condoms, female condoms, the pill, the patch, IUDs and diaphragms can fail." Rory took a breath. "She also recommended that if I'm going to be sexually active, that not only do I use a condom but I should also go on the pill. The more barriers, the better."
"Well, that makes sense. Perhaps you should consider birth control pills."
"But that means I'd have to go back again for a pelvic exam and face the evil stirrups. Plus I'd have to be on the pill for a few weeks before I could even consider having sex with Jess."
"Well, it is a big responsibility. If you want the pleasure, you'll have to go through all of that, including the stirrups. Sorry, that's the breaks."
Rory grimaced. "It sucks being a woman."
"Oh, it's not so bad. In spite of the monthly pain and the occasional trip to the gynecologist we have it pretty good. We get to be pretty, buy lots of girly things and then bat our eyes at the opposite sex to get them to do whatever we want. We also get to be mothers sooner or later. In my case, sooner, and yours later, if you do what Dr. Lieberman says."
Rory nodded. "I knew it's a big responsibility, but why doesn't Jess have to go some doctor and have his privates probed before he can touch me?"
"Okay, that's a mental picture I need to shake from my mind's eye right now." Lorelai decided to this would be a good time to follow up on her talk with Luke. "Rory, I want to ask you something."
"What?"
"Do you know if Jess is experienced, I mean have you guys talked about your sexual histories?"
"Well, Jess knows I'm a virgin."
"And what do you know about Jess?"
"I'm pretty sure he's not. I know he had a couple of girlfriends when he lived in New York and I once saw Shane's skanky bra in the backseat of his car. This was of course, before we dated."
"But you don't know for sure?"
"No, but I've always assumed that he's more experienced than I am. Mom, why is Jess's sexual status so important to you?"
"Rory, I hope you won't be mad."
"Uh, oh the last time you said that, you told me about your little faux pas at Luke's. What is it?"
"Well, I remember you were angry with me that I told Alex about the condoms. Would you be mad if I told you that Luke and I have been talking about your and Jess' private lives?"
Rory looked at her mother warily. "How private?"
"Well, um, private. When I went to apologize to him last week, we wound up talking about you and Jess, it was kind of unavoidable."
"What did you talk about?"
"Well, I told Luke that you were considering, um, a change in your sexual status and I asked him to talk to Jess, to make sure that he knew that if you started having sex, that he be careful with you."
Rory was angry. "Mom, how could you? I haven't even told Jess that I'm thinking about this, I wanted it to come from me, not Luke! Did he talk to him?"
Lorelai was filled with surprise and regret. "Oh honey. I'm so sorry, I thought when you told me that you'd decided to have sex, that you would've shared the news with him first."
Rory's voice rose. "You didn't answer my question. Did Luke talk to Jess yet?"
"Yes." Lorelai offered weakly.
Rory stood up and paced the floor, trying to stay calm even though she wanted to strangle her mother for interfering.
"So what did Luke say?"
"Um, he talked to Jess and told him it would be okay for you guys to have sex if you were protected and only when you said you were ready. That's not so bad, huh?"
"Not so bad?" Rory said sarcastically. "Now Jess will think when I see him tonight that I'm gonna jump his bones! Mom, do you know how embarrassing this is for me?"
"Honey, I'm sorry. I feel really stupid about this. But you have to know that Luke and I have the best intentions. And even if Jess thinks you want to jump his bones, he may not want to go through with it."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Rory, um. Luke told me that Jess is afraid to have sex with you."
Rory was incredulous. "Jess told Luke that he's afraid?"
"Well, I don't know exactly what was said, I don't have a transcript. Luke said the reason Jess hasn't been aggressive with you is because he doesn't want to screw up your life."
Rory sat down on the couch, her anger replaced by confusion.
"Oh my god. Jess told me the reason he wasn't pressuring me is because of the rules Luke imposed on him. He never told me that."
"Well, this is why I wanted to know if Jess was a virgin. I thought he might be if he's freaking out and he didn't know how to tell you."
"Mom, why is it so important to you what Jess' reasons are? I mean I thought you might be thrilled that he's afraid, so we won't do anything stupid."
"But honey, we're spending all of this time and energy preparing you for this and I want this to be a great experience for you, the way it wasn't for me. If Jess is all anxious, it's not going to be great."
"What do you mean the way it wasn't for you?"
Lorelai sighed. "Well, I lost my virginity to your dad right before I turned sixteen. Not the night you were conceived, but a few months earlier. We weren't prepared, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that your dad was a great kisser and I wanted his hands all over me. When I didn't get pregnant from the first time, we thought we were immune and weren't careful. And then one night on my parent's balcony, you happened."
Lorelai reached out and stroked her daughter's hair.
"Rory, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just getting over involved with this whole sex thing because I just want everything to be wonderful for you. I want you to avoid all the mistakes I made when I was a teenager. But if you want me to butt out, I will."
"Well, it's a little late for butting out now, Mom. And I still have to face Jess tonight. It's gonna be an interesting conversation, believe me."
"So you'll forgive Mommy for her overzealous indiscretion?"
Rory sighed. "I'll forgive you. But I'm still so embarrassed. And how I'm I supposed to face Luke?"
"Oh, let me worry about Luke. You know, he only wants the best for you and Jess."
"Yeah, you two win the prize for the most involved parents slash guardians."
Damage control over, Lorelai decided to change the subject. "So, what are your plans tonight with Jess?"
"Oh, I'm gonna eat at the diner tonight and hang with him until closing. Then we're gonna watch some DVDs. He just bought a DVD player and wanted to watch the commentary version of "Dude, Where's My Car?" Very intellectual."
"Jess has to work tonight?"
"Yeah, I think Luke has a date with Nicole. Mom, promise me you're not going to sneak around his apartment listening for moans of passion."
"I promise, no sneaking and I'm seeing Alex tonight, anyway. He's working at the Java Junction and there's supposed to be some 80's cover band he wants me to see. I'm kind of nervous, though."
"Why?"
"Well, the doctor told me to cut back on caffeine due to my sleep problems but Alex promised me some free premium blend Colombian coffee. How am I supposed to resist an offer like that?"
"That's tough, but I'm sure you can do it. Be strong. Either that or tell Alex to give you free coffee beans, bring them home and I'll have them."
"Good idea. You like the fact that I'm dating Mr. Coffee, huh?"
"Yeah, you're a match made in coffee heaven. I have to finish reading this book, so I'll talk to you later."
"Later, babe."
A/N: Next up, Rory and Jess will talk (yes a R/J scene). I hope I did a good job in explaining Lorelai's motives here. As I said in my note on the review board, I didn't mean to imply that L/L were plotting for R/J to have sex in the previous chapter.