A/N: Many thanks to Slifer for helping me with this~!
Shed No Grace On Me is coming along nicely, but it needs a little more time in the oven, as it were.
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this while I head off to the doctor.
There we go! That's all the reincarnations finished, every faction and or character given a story, bar one more -One With Spirits!- which is being written as we speak. Might not post that one, though. For those asking about the Frenzied Flame, it has a place in one of the aforementioned stories. Won't say which one.
Hopefully this will stave off the plot bunnies for awhile. No more, I say!
Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story...and others. If folks don't like this, it won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular? POOF! Gone. Completely. I'm working two jobs with ever-increasing hours so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy. So by all means, speak up! Your voice matter! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustains me. Without them, I cannot write a single word. Simple as that.
So by all means, speak up! Raise your voice! Make yourself heard! Your reviews matter! Really, they do!
As ever, I own no quotes, references, themes, or memes. Not a wit or a one!
Speaking of which. We've got some references to Monty Python here.
Been awhile since I've seen that. Ah, good times...
"Is pranking considered blasphemy?
Nah. Don't think so.
Prank away~!"
~?
An Orange Blasphemy
Ranni considered herself a patient soul.
She had no choice but to be; she was a Carian Witch and princess both, each of which held several expectations where patience was all but essential. Magic was, after all, a discipline that required time and patience to learn. She'd invested many years into learning the basics of her craft- developing her spells into a plethora of esoterica that rivaled the majesty of the stars themselves.
A castle was not built in a day, nor could one attain mastery over magic in a fortnight.
Such was not without its fair share of annoying snags nor setbacks, of course. Despite her demigod status and predisposition towards magic she was not instantly a savant at it. She was not Radahn, not her dear older brother who'd mastered gravity magic to the point where the stars themselves stilled at his very presence -a fact she'd once felt jealousy toward but since learned to overcome- nor her mother, whose myriad mysteries had stalemated an Radagon himself -Father!- and made him her king soon thereafter.
All of this was to say that, despite her ability and position, she had learned to overcome petty notions of annoyance to stand as a bastion of patience…
But her little brother was driving her stark-raving mad!
Just thinking of the little jackanape had her lips twisting down into a frown; Rykard was on a tear as of late. Indeed, if the sounds coming from the pantry were anything to be believed, she was about to see the results of his latest 'blasphemy.'
A little hellion he was, and no one could tell her otherwise.
Ranni scoffed aloud, the unladylike exclamation soon lost in cavernous annex connecting the main castle to the bowels of the kitchens. She considered for a moment the paradoxical terror of Rykard, youngest of the trio of demigods sired by Radagon and Rennala. Brother though he was, her younger sibling baffled her. He'd always been advanced for his age, chortling obscenities to himself at the virgin age of four that none of them could quite understand nor fathom where he had learned them from in the first place It was as if an old man dwelt in a young man's body and was so bemused by the oddities of the world that he chose not to take anything seriously in any way shape or form.
Nonsense, of course. She'd been there at his birth. Putting aside a rather strange period of silence, she knew he was her kin.
Which was precisely why she was
Ranni turned a corner and paused, bright eyes pitching upwards slowly to take in the bizarre sight presented to her. Twenty servants stared back at her wearing a variety of looks that ranged from benign bemusement, out right annoyance, or pleading stares. Each hung upside down, feet affixed to the ceiling some thirty feet above, their faces dyed of varying shades of green. The faint smell of sulfur only further confirmed her suspicions, thin though they were.
Rykard's doing, no doubt. She stamped down on a reflexive surge of anger.
Mustn't kill him. She wasn't going to kill him. Must. Not. Kill.
She must wanted to talk to him. Loudly. Repeatedly.
Preferably with a few thrown books!
Aaaaaaargh!
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Ranni let out a mental scream in the darkest depths of her mind. She also made a mental note to cuff Radahn upside the head for teaching Rykard something of gravity magic for his tenth birthday. Eldest or not, she'd be having words with him after this.
Strong words! Loud words! ANGRY! WORDS!
"Well?" She addressed the cohort of inverted custodians evenly, a note of imperiousness leaking into her tone, "Where hath my brother gone this time? If you tell me whence he went, I shall return with haste to undo this latest…blasphemy of his."
A beat of silence passed. And then:
Twenty arms rose in concert, pointing towards the large oaken doors of the kitchens, each held closed by a fiery orange magical sigil. Ranni nodded her thanks and made for the arch. A pale hand rose and began the long, painstaking effort of undoing the ward that Rykard had put up. Doubtless an attempt slow her pursuit. Ohhh, when she got her hands on him-no. Must stay calm. Well away of being watched by her queasy subjects, Ranni maintained her aristocratic grace and muffled her growls of annoyance whilst she worked with the ward.
He did so love his tricks, her brother did.
It was surprisingly robust in its craftsmanship but with an apparently simple solution- one that filled her with divine exasperation to do. The redheaded girl pressed a dainty fingertip to the center of the series of static lines and was rewarded with the appearance of a cartoonish representation of an orange snake that grinned at her toothily. Tracing her finger between the lines, Ranni slowly guided said serpent through the apparent maze of lines until with a swipe it was free, growing in size and wrapping around the sigil to bite its own tail. A hum of magic echoed, the sigil glowing brightly now before disintegrating into motes of orange light.
Aha! Victory!
Slamming the doors open, Ranni stormed through and took a deep breath, prepared to give her little brother a piece of her mind...
.
..
...only to be brought up short by the fact that he wasn't there.
What was there was...something else. A colossal mural lay written along the far wall in what appeared to be beef stew, pilfered from the cooks before he stuck them to the ceiling.
Blinking owlishly, she began to read:
"Salutations, sister mine! Ever the responsible elder sister you ar,e coming to clean up your little brother's messes. Truly, I felt bad for making you come all the way here, so I made the ward on the door simple for you to get through. Aren't I just fucken adorable?
Adorable? Nay! Nasty little imp! Ranni bit her tongue to hold in the scream before reading on.
"Of course I am, I got a pet danger noodle -snake!- and everything. Now don't get angry at me. I told you years ago that I was adamant in giving this grim little world some kind of fun and amusement. Pranks are my trade and if standing against an order-obsessed cosmos with banal reality to try and bring about laughs and cheer is a blasphemy, then I suppose that makes me the devil. 'Tis a title I wear with pride, almost as much pride as I'm going to feel once you realize I escaped through the window!
Ranni's head snapped to the corner of the room, noticing a leaded window set high into the ceiling was ajar. She felt her jaw tighten. Cheeky little-
Wait, there was more. She paused, looking at the final sentence of Rykard's message.
Somehow it's still not as funny as the fact that, by the time you've read this, I'll have made it to Raya Lucaria.
Have fun catching up and hopefully you get to see this latest blasphemy.
Your little brother and dedicated migraine, Rykard!"
In the hall beyond the kitchens, a twenty-strong group of inverted servants paled at the screech of righteous fury that echoed from within the pantry.
(.0.0.0.)
"Young master! Get down from there at once!"
A crowd of students stood in the central courtyard of Raya Lucaria dressed in their very best midnight blue robes and red sashes, many sporting mortar boards that they tipped to block out the glare of the sun. It was a necessity to get a look at what the commotion was about. A dozen servants bearing the sigils of Carian royal servants were in the process of scaling the face of the inner wall of the lecture hall to reach the cause of said issue.
It had not taken them long to realize it was perhaps their most troublesome alumni.
The boy didn't listen to the servants; he was far too focused on his task.
"HA! You'll never take me alive!"
Atop the tallest turret of the academy's many towers stood a young laid dressed in a garish ensemble of robes worn as the cloak of a violently orange segmentata with matching breeches and armored greaves. His pointed face and dark blue eyes dimpled in mirth, sharply contrasting the spiky thicket of scarlet hair that adorned his head like a crown.
Rykard, youngest son of Queen Rennala, was making mischief. No, he corrected, blasphemy.
Held in his right hand was his catalyst, a medium length staff tipped with a glintstone gem that glowed with a harsh orange light. Coiled around its length lay a long winding viper, its scales a scintillating orange-on-black-diamond pattern weaving up its body. Anyone else might've flinched in the presence of such a beast. Not him. The boy took particular pride in said serpent; his name was Irving, though Rykard tended to refer to him as the danger noodle. He continued to weave his catalyst through the air, lackadaisical writing out seemingly endless sheets of script that none of the students below could make head nor tails of.
"Needs more girth," Rykard exclaimed to Irving. The latter flicked his tongue out to taste the air. "Really? I'm glad you agree!" With a nod at the snake's stellar input, he rubbed out part of the script and rewrote it with a flick of the wrist before sending it to join with the glowing orb of coiling script he had spent the last half hour constructing.
A wry smile touched whiskered cheeks. "Heh. This is gonna be a masterpiece...
Somewhere below stood astride a balcony, Rennala gazed up at her youngest with an exasperated sigh. She'd been teaching a class when the commotion began. Almost intuitively, she'd known her little boy was to blame for this...although she confessed herself curious towards this latest caper and what it would consist of. A look of wry amusement crossed her face as one of the servants' footholds -one who'd only just begun their climb- transfigured into a large snake. Said serpent whirled around, hissed, and planted its fangs into a particularly painful spot. The man yelped, fell a short distance, and landed hard on his rump.
Laughter rose from the students.
Rykard's serpent proved just as merciless.
In moments the poor found himself caught in its coils, unable to move.
This time, Rennala couldn't quite hide her smile. Her son had always been very creative when it came to magic. A blue shimmer of light danced in her peripheral vision and her smile grew further still. She knew full well who it was without looking. "Pleasant of you to join us, little Ranni. Thy brother is making mischief again."
Her daughter huffed, stepping forward to lean against the balcony. "You could stop him in an instant, yet you don't bother. Why?"
"I felt it a decent exercise in thinking outside the box for the students." The Full Moon Queen replied, crossing her arms under her bosom, "Thou would be perplexed how many believe there is nothing beyond the spells in books." "For all his antics, Rykard has never failed to be a paragon of the unorthodox."
Truth be told, she'd rather him act like this than seclude himself. That first year of silence had been...rather concerning.
Ah, but her darling girl was scowling and she must attend. "You coddle him, mother. What he does is blasphemy against common sense."
"Is it?" The taller woman cast an amused look at her child, pivoted, then pointed a pale finger at the orb of Rykard's creation. "I coddle knowing that you are there to punish him if he gets out of line. Would you say what is about to happen is out of line?"
Ranni followed her finger. Saw what he was doing. Her eyes narrowed. "RY~KARD~! Cease thy tomfoolery at once!"
"Rykard, listen to your sister!" Ranala added halfheartedly, curious of how the final product would look.
Merry laughter answered.
"Ha!" Rykard looked over his shoulder at them and grinned. "I will, if you can answer three riddles!" He didn't even Ranni the time to even open her mouth before continuing. "On second thought, I doubt you'd be able to tell me the airspeed of a swallow laden with coconuts. Guess that means this latest blasphemy is a go~!"
Swinging his caduceus with a flourish, he fired a small beam of magic into the orb of script, sending it hurtling into the air like some great firework to light up the sky. It rose and rose and rose until it was just a pinprick in the great expanse of blue sky. Smaller still, now.
The world held its breath. And then:
A wordless roar pierced the afternoon as his spell detonated in a tumult of gold, red and orange light.
Many a student below -alongside more than a few servants and teachers!- wailed in surprise, their vision briefly failing them.
Mother and daughter watched in steadily growing amusement and horror respectively as the bands of light in the sky above began to contour and elongate. As the looked on the light formed into glowing letters of titanic proportions, each and every one of them easily a kilometre in diameter. Upon its completion; it carved out a singular sentence; seven words visible from almost anywhere in the Lands Between:
THE GREATER WILL GARGLES WITH DONKEY DICK!
Rennala clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a peal of laughter.
Ranni did the same-though she buried her head in her hands to hide her groan.
As they looked on exclamation mark wiggled, slowly morphing into a snake bearing a fox's head grinning in vulpine amusement.
Gazing upon his handiwork with distinct pride as raucous laughter began to emulate from the student body below, Ryakard -or rather Naruto!- mused on just how amusing a second life could be and how utterly different it was from the first. Third son of three, with a big brother, a big sister, and no expectations whatsoever? Sure he wasn't gonna slack off, but this world seemed...peaceful. That giant glowing tree was strange and all, but why should he care about that?
As far as he was concerned, the world was his oyster, this second life, a vacation.
He was going to take it easy this time around and do as he pleased.
After all, what was the harm in a little blasphemy?
A/N: Aaaand scene. Well? Should this be a story? Yay or nay!
If it is voted into the "yay" category, I can promise much more merry madness to come. And romance of course, can't forget that. Gotta bring little Rya into the world somehow!
Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story...and others. If folks don't like this, it won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular? POOF! Gone. Completely. I'm working two jobs with ever-increasing hours so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy. So by all means, speak up! Your voice matter! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustains me. Without them, I cannot write a single word. Simple as that.
So by all means, speak up! Raise your voice! Make yourself heard! Your reviews matter!
So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review Would You Kindly?
And enjoy some previews!
Potential ones at that.
As ever:
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
SPOILERS AWAIT THEE!
BEWARE~!
(Previews)
Radagon slammed a hand down. "This is heresy! This is blasphemy!"
Renala hummed into her hand. "Tis a prank, beloved."
"The boy must be punished!"
"...if you think you can catch him, you're welcome to try."
Ranni ran a hand through her crimson hair. "You'll be the death of me at this rate."
Radahn rumbled a low laugh. "Your skills have improved."
His younger brother groaned. "You squashed me flat!"
"Well, I am three times your size.
"Bloody giant bastard...
"You go too far, my student."
"Do I?" The boy tilted his head at Sellen, and something in his smile made her quiver. "I think I haven't gone far enough. I'm just getting started~!"
Dangerous. This boy was going to be very dangerous indeed when he grew up...assuming he survived to adulthood.
"Careful, now. He may play the fool, but he is a demigod nevertheless. He has command over beasts you cannot BEGIN to imagine. You would be wise not to underestimate him."
"Did you think destroying my heart would kill me? Aw. That's just...ADORABLE."
His hand whipped out. Blood spattered the wall.
He walked away with a merry whistle.
"Queen of the Omens, eh?" Ryakrd sketched a low bow before the figure, whiskered cheeks dimpling in a cheery grin. "Pleasure to meetcha. I've heard great things about you. Seems you live up to e'm"
"Oh?" Atop her throne, the horned woman inclined her head and shifted her wings, wearing a fractious smile of her own. Her tail twitched as she spoke. "Thou seem remarkably lively for a dead man."
"I've met a few queens." he raised his gaze to meet hers. "A gloam-eyed queen, queen of the trolls, Queen Marika. Heck, she's technically my aunt. The list goes on and on..
AUTHOR'S NOTE! This "Omen Queen" ain't a genderbent Morgott or Mohg. Ewww. Not doing that.
...I thank thee."
"And who are you?"
The dancer bowed, low and deep at the waist. "Tanith, my lord...
R&R~!