What's the one thing you've always dreamed of doing before you die..

Derek is standing in Meredith's bathroom staring straight ahead while his bare torso is getting lightly drizzled with water droplets because of the open shower door.

Meredith walked around to face him while she took her time scrubbing Addison's upper body. Addison's head fell back under the stream of the water. This went on for a while before they switched places, still swaying slightly to the music that was playing.

After their sexy shower antics were over they both turned their bodies towards the shower door. Addison's mouth twisted into an open mouthed smile while she dragged her finger over her very inviting lips. Meredith tilter her head slightly down and looked up through her lashes.

Both were batting their eyelashes Derek's way when his and Meredith's eyes connected.

''I'm in love with you Derek.'' Meredith said.

Their eye connect broke when Addison said

''I love you Derek''

Then they simultaneously said

''I always have.. and always will'

Derek was just about to lose his boxer shorts and step in..

..

Was it the night she hadn't asked where he had been when he should have been home for at least two hours.

Was it the fight they didn't have when he eventually came through their front door.

Was it the first time when he came home and saw her drunk. Or the second time that he said he was sorry, but there was no one else who could've saved done that surgery the way he did it. Or the third time that he didn't call and he actually missed their anniversary party.

That time they finally both went out together with friends, but he was indifferent, as if he wanted to be somewhere else. The memories got her questioning everything, when was it over.. for him. When was the moment he fell out of love.

She couldn't even remember the last time they said I love you to each other.

Addison had been lying awake in bed for what seemed like hours. Around four she decided she was going to call in sick.

It wasn't like there were any surgeries scheduled that were in need of her world-class neonatal-fetal surgery skills, even a resident could do the ones that were on the board today.

She was also positive that Richard could find a temporary head of neonatal surgery for one day. Dr. Fillmore had already replaced her once, she was sure that she could do it again.

So it was decided, she was going to go with her gut feeling.. and stay home, she thought, when suddenly it was already 6 am and the alarm clock started blaring.

..

Derek was rudely awakened from his steamy yet disturbingly obscure dream by the alarm. He left like there was an underlying message in the dream that he could not quite put his finger on while he was walking back up to the trailer with Doc just a few steps behind him.

When he opened the door he already expected Addison to be blow drying her hair or to be busy with some other step of her usual morning routine in the cramped bathroom. Instead he found his wife still lying in bed with two scrunched up pillows beneath her head while wrapped in their blanket.

''Addison, what are you doing? You should have already been out of the shower by now. We're going to be late.''

Addison didn't look up ''I'm going to call in sick today'' she muttered.

''You can't call in sick now, if you had wanted to do that, you should have done it an hour ago'' he said while removing his fleece jacket.

''Are you really sick?'' he asked while he was refreshing Docs water bowl. ''Let me take your temperature''

When he started walking towards the bed she exclaimed ''I'm just not going Derek!''

Derek sighed trying to keep his tone nice enough ''You have to go to work. Saving babies is not optional Addie, unless you're actually sick..''

She kept looking towards the wall of the trailer while answering ''Yes it is, I'm staying home''

''What if there's some horrible accident nearby the hospital and some poor pregnant woman would need your expertise specifically..'' he tried.

He really wasn't in the mood for this right now, but gave it his best shot anyway, what else was he supposed to say? She was the head of the department for god's sake and you know.. they were trying?

''I don't care! There are plenty of capable OBGYN's at Seattle Grace!'' She said before pulling one of the nearest pillows over her head.

..

It had been about ten minutes later. Derek had decided to leave her alone in her feelings, god knows what Addison was feeling or going through right now.

He had already showered and was just about finishing buttoning his dress shirt. Derek exhaled and glanced over at his wife. She was still laying in the same position with the pillow over her head. How childish.. he thought.

Then something clicked. An underlying message. There had to be one and unlike his dream, he could actually figure this one out. He just had to find a way to pry the information out of her head. Which shouldn't be too difficult because they were trying.

He was supposed to be trying and what better way to be a caring and loving husband then by making sure your wife is feeling okay?

''You have a feeling?'' he asked trying to not sound too condescending.

Today was one of those days where Addison apparently decided she was going to be extra.. Addison-ish.. which means either passive aggressive or just, vague. This time it was the latter.

Normally that would be combined with an award winning amount of rattling, but today was different. She caught his eye, recognized the look he was giving her, pulled the pillow of her head and turned around to face away from him.

''yes.'' She mumbled.

''Okay, what kind of feeling?''

''Like I might die'' There she was with the vague-ness again.

''Today? Tomorrow? In fifty years?'' He asked annoyed.

''We're all gonna die eventually Addie and now we're also late'' he was growing tired of this

''let's go!'' he said while patting her leg once and standing up again.

''Derek!'' she yelled exacerbated ''Come on!''

Alright.. he was being quite blunt and not very emphatic. He reminded himself that he should be trying right now, doing the exact opposite of what he would have done in New York or what he would have done when she just arrived in Seattle.

Sitting down again while facing her as much as he could in the position she was laying in he tried a different approach. A more loving, let's say supportive husband approach.

''Tell me more''

Addison peered up over the blanket ''Really?'' But it didn't sound like a question, more like an accusation.

''Yeah, really. I want you to tell me more''.

Addison stared at him for a few seconds before getting up and propping herself on one elbow

''Okay.''

This was it, she was going to lay it all out.

''The man I love loves someone else but somehow still decided to stay with me. That same man took his ex-mistresses dog-'' She noticed Derek looking confused. Probably because he wasn't expecting this but she still rectified what she said

''alright, he didn't take the dog, she asked and gave it to him'' she continued

''but that does not change the fact that this is not how my life is supposed to go. Our life. You weren't supposed to be someone's.. what is it, McDreamy?''

He cringed slightly at that last question.

''You're her McDreamy, you're actually being even dreamier by taking care of her dog ánd you still love her. What have I got?'' Her eyes weren't actually brimmed with tears but her vision was definitely getting a little blurry.

His face softened at her raw display of emotions. They hadn't talked about anything since Christmas. She had told him she was lonely before, but he had dismissed it and continued on with his work like before.

He was building a new life here in Seattle, making new friends, living the way he wanted to and now adding a dog to this life. A dog that still kept him linked to his ex-girlfriend.

He didn't feel lonely, he loved someone and was sure he was being loved back, even if he was married to someone else. Even if that someone he was married to.. actually also loved him.

Maybe Addison was right during thanksgiving. Apparently subconsciously, he wasn't done hurting her yet. Addison's voice cut off his thoughts.

''Do you know I can't remember the last time we said I love you?''

This surprised him, it was strangely similar to the thoughts he was having just now.

''Cause you never think the last time is the last time. You don't think your husband is going to fall in love with someone else'' She paused looking him in the eyes

''You think you have forever but you don't''.

They stared at each other when Addison started to feel self-conscious about the confessions she'd just made.

''plus my conditioner stopped working and I have brittle bones'' she said while laying down, hoping it would take some of the tension away that was hanging in the air.

''I just.. I just need something to happen Derek. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on, I need some hope''

Turning back over in bed again she continued ''and in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today'' she said with a half-smile trying to keep it from being too serious.