When Kayla awoke, she saw nothing but white. She was lying on her back- she could feel the ground beneath her- but it was unnaturally smooth, and didn't feel particularly hot nor cold. Her first thought was that she was lying on one of those backdrops photographers used, but the ground was too solid, with less of a rubbery friction, and she couldn't see a ceiling. Maybe it was a cloudy sky, but if she was outdoors, why was the ground so smooth?

She tensed up when something swished past her face, though she was unable to move very much. She tried lifting her head, but she felt as though she had been paralyzed, somehow. She wiggled her fingers a bit, feeling herself come back to life, then froze again as the object went back in the other direction.

It was long and yellow, and had a pointed shape at the end. As it passed her field of vision again, faster than before, she was able to catch a glimpse of scales.

She contorted her face into a wince, then slowly rotated her head back and forth. The thing flew above her again, and she was able to lift her head a bit. It fell down after barely moving an inch, but she soon forced it back up, and saw a very unpleasant sight.

She was staring directly into a large, reptilian posterior. The swinging object had been a tail.

At first, she thought that it was a dinosaur, but from behind the rump unfolded a set of leathery wings. This really got her attention, and she sat up hurriedly. She could barely make out the shape of long, black-tipped horns peeking over the body, and decided very quickly that she wanted nothing to do with the creature.

But then, before her lethargic body could react, the tail came back and whacked her in the face. The creature paused, then without turning its body around, peeked over its back from atop an absurdly long neck.

"WHAGH!"

The body flipped around to align itself with the head, and the creature's claws skidded on the plain, white ground.

"You're not supposed to be awake!"

Kayla's jaw dropped.

"You talk!"

"Wow, rude."

". . . What?"

"Look, I know that you have zero frame of reference, but just imagine if I had said the same thing to you. Kinda self-explanatory."

"Huh?"

"Let's just move on. How long have you been awake, and what do you remember?" the creature asked, narrowing its eyes.

Kayla blinked.

"I . . . I was just about to-"

She looked around, then felt her heart drop.

"Oh my god, am I dead?"

The creature opened its mouth, then made a face.

"I probably shouldn't say. It's a spoiler."

Kayla stood up.

"What's going on?"

"Right, okay, so you don't remember. That's good, I guess, because we probably need to catch them up too."

"Who?"

"The readers."

"What?"

The creature tapped its foot.

"How do I explain this? . . . Let's just start at the beginning."

The creature cleared its throat, then made a wide gesture with its paws.

"A clap of thunder sent a shock wave through the tropical jungle, dully rocking a muddy RV trailer that had been hurriedly parked between two large boulders- Actually, scratch that, it's too long. Horrible opening sentence. Don't know what I was thinking. Long story short, this is all fictional, I did a whoopsie, and now everyone is a dinosaur."

". . . What?"

The creature pinched its forehead.

"Okay, this is kind of hard to explain, granted, but the concept is quite simple. I mean, it says right in the title that this is the silliest blah blah blah, yet somehow every single comment ends up being, 'Huh? I'm confused. I clicked on this thing expecting it to make sense, because I can't fucking read apparently.'"

Kayla blinked.

The creature shrugged.

"I'm not afraid to be mean to the readers. They came here of their own volition."

Kayla held up her hands.

"Okay, back up. What I'm getting from this is that you're a writer? . . ."

"Yes, and I'm writing what's happening right now."

"Okay, that kinda makes sense, but I still have questions. What are you, and why am I here?"

"A dragon, and you're a fictional character in this story."

"So I'm not real?"

"No, you're real. As real as any fictional character is to the audience."

"And where is the audience?"

"Oh, okay, so this requires a bit of explanation. There are layers of fiction, like fiction within fiction, but above the world of Fiction is the Overworld, the universe I created where the audience lives, and then my world, Asterpara, which was supposedly created by a baby dinosaur sneeze, though nobody knows what that means, so I'd just ignore it if I were you."

"So we live in a layered universe. That's very confusing, but also kind of simple."

"Right?! I don't know why people are so up in arms about it. Probably because they see a dragon and think that I don't belong in Jurassic Park, which- Oh! There are a few more things that I need to explain, because the audience doesn't know the big picture if they start with this story first. Say, would you want to follow me around as I work? I'd normally deliver exposition by weaving it into the narrative, but why not take the easy route and have you tag along as an audience surrogate?"

Kayla backed away slowly.

"Hang on, this is a lot to take in, and I still have questions. First of all, were you the one who knocked me out? Because the last thing I remember, I was-"

The dragon leapt forward and touched her forehead.

"For everyone's comfort, I'm going to have to lock away some significant memories to avoid spoilers."

Kayla winced, stepping away with a throbbing head.

"What . . . is happening? . . ."

"Don't worry, it's only temporary. I've just locked your memories behind a wall until June Fifteenth, which by the way is when the audience ought to stop reading, unless they've seen the new movie. You guys are safe until then, though."

"You can't . . . take my memories . . ."

Kayla swung a dizzy punch. The dragon winced.

"Okay, the honest approach isn't going to work. Boop."

Another claw to the forehead made Kayla wince.

"What did you just say? I thought I heard something, but-"

"Oh, yes, for your safety, while we're in the Bubble Dimension, I had to temporarily remove some of your memories so that your, uh . . . So that your head wouldn't explode."

"That's a real thing?"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, very real."

"And what's a bubble dimension?"

The dragon paced back and forth.

"Right, exposition time. We need to capture specific characters that haven't yet appeared in my writing. You're useful to me, whereas new versions of old characters . . . Well, they kind of get in the way and make things a fustercluck."

"So we just leave them be?"

"No, I'm going to eliminate- I mean, they'll be going to a nice, big farm where they'll have lots of room to- Ah, fuck it."

The dragon placed its claw on her head again.

"Yep, they'll be staying right where they are while I bubble you and the others."

"I'm not sure that I want to be bubbled. What does that entail?"

"Nothing bad, I promise."

And then, freezing time and turning to the audience, the dragon leaned in to whisper.

"Actually, I'm going to put them in a suspended animation snowglobe until I need them for a cheap cameo in my other writing."

Unfreezing time, the dragon turned back to Kayla.

"So, do you wanna help me gather up your various friends and enemies?"

"Enemies?!"

"You won't know which is which, and neither will they, because I'm going to erase their memories as I swoop in right before their deaths or final scenes- again, we won't specify which due to spoilers- and save them from their fate using a very complicated spell hybrid. I've reserved most of my strength for time magic and duplication magic, so while it will look like they're still present in the movie, we'll have run away with the real characters without anyone noticing."

Kayla nodded.

"So this is a smuggling mission with a rescue angle? I'm good at those."

"Then I'm glad that I brought you here first."

The dragon turned, but quickly wheeled back.

"Right, one more thing. I should provide you with the option to be a dinosaur or other prehistoric creature, if you so choose."

"What, like I'll become a talking dinosaur?"

"Or any other animal. Most of our characters end up that way, usually through no choice of their own, but I'm offering you the option. It doesn't have to be permanent. It might help us corner our targets, though."

Kayla narrowed her eyes.

"So you have the ability to turn people into dinosaurs, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, it's like that one Spider-Man comic. Listen, when you have almost unlimited power, it's overwhelming to try to do all the good you can, whenever you can. I prefer wreaking havoc by unleashing dinosaur viruses, et cetera, but in this case, the virus in question is unable to breach into the new world. We had kind of a Fallen Kingdom incident, which my subordinate Moonwatcher is dealing with at the moment. All that to say, if you could pick any animal in the world, what would you want to be?"

Kayla looked to the side and shrugged.

"Well, I've always wanted to fly . . . Without a plane, I mean."

"Perfect! How about the biggest flying animal to ever exist?"

"And what's that?"

"Oh, right, I removed that memory. Here, come a little closer."

Kayla stepped forward slowly.

"Is this going to hurt? . . ."

"Not at all."

"Okay . . . So what do I d-"

She shrieked as a beam of glitter caught her directly in the chest, blasting her several feet backwards and knocking her onto her back.

"Ah, shit, I forgot how good I was at that spell."

Kayla groaned and sat up.

"I feel kind of str-"

She stopped waving her hand when she noticed that it wasn't exactly a hand anymore. Come to think of it, she wasn't seeing straight either.

"Do I have brain damage?"

"Hm? Oh, the vision thing. Your eyes naturally point to the side now, but we gave you enhanced binocular vision as well. Easier for the animators, you know. The poor souls don't need another thing to worry about, what with us suppressing their unions and all . . . Um, I mean, we're definitely not doing anything shady behind the sce-WAGH!"

The dragon ducked as Kayla, who had been flapping her wings, nearly crashed.

"Jesus, aren't you supposed to be a pilot?!"

"Of planes, not of . . . whatever I am. Why is my nose so heavy?"

The dragon frowned, then sighed and drew a circle with its tail. From the circle of light appeared a reflective surface. Kayla turned her head and got a good look at herself for the first time.

She was a very large creature. Instead of arms, she had leathery wings, and she had a very large beak on her face.

"Pssst, it's Quetzalcoatlus," said the dragon to any audience members who hadn't caught on yet.

Kayla stared at herself, turning around slowly. The dragon's ears drooped.

"Aw, you don't like it? Maybe I can-"

"No, no, it's good, I just . . . Are you able to change a few things?"

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I'd like my tail and wing-tips to be red, like my plane, and could you make my crest hot pink, purple, and dark blue?"

"You can just say bisexual here. We're not in America."

"I didn't think that dragons knew about human flags."

"I'm trillions of years old. I know plenty of things, just not everything."

"What don't you know?"

The dragon rolled its eyes.

"Well, obviously I don't know what I don't know."

"That tracks. Can you change me now?"

"Absolutely."

There was no gesture this time, but Kayla saw herself change. Her crest was especially bright. She smiled, though it was kind of funny-looking with her beak.

"I love it."

The dragon nodded.

"Glad to hear it. Now . . . shall we begin?"