So, apparently I'm writing for Life is Strange again. Never would've guessed that would happen, but here we are.

Just a few things to know going into this fic:

First, these first couple chapters are going to be rough for Alex. But the rest of the fic will be her recovery from it and there WILL be a happpy ending. I'm putting a content warning on these chapters for (brief and non-graphic) mentions of blood, self-harm, and suicidal ideation, but they're such a minor part of the fic that I can't justify including them in the tags. But please be aware that these will come up before you start reading.

Second, I really tried to do my research, but my background is very different from Alex's, so any feedback on those aspects of the fic is appreciated.

And lastly, these are the decisions that this fic assumes Alex made during the game:
- Alex didn't tell Gabe about her power
- Alex gave a rose to Steph
- Alex didn't absorb Charlotte's anger
- Ryan believed Alex at the council meeting
- Alex forgave Jed
- Alex chose to stay in Haven Springs

I also have to include a huge thank you to my friend Sam for continuing to be my faithful beta reader (and coming up with the amazing title).

I hope you enjoy this fic and thanks so much for reading!

Content warning: Mentions of blood

There was a burst of light and sound, and then Alex was falling, her hands grasping at empty air as the night sky grew further and further away above her. She didn't even have time to scream before her back slammed into something solid, knocking all the air from her lungs. After a few seconds, she gingerly rolled over and onto her knees, gasping for breath and clutching at the sharp pain in her side. She had landed on a wooden plank balanced across the metal supports lining the mineshaft. As she looked at her surroundings, her head started to spin and she gripped the edges of the board tightly, forcing her eyes to focus on the blood pooling on the wood underneath her. Once the dizziness passed, she reached up to touch the right side of her face. Her fingers came away bloody, and she stared at them for a few seconds before her vision started to blur again. She quickly dropped her hand to grab the plank, her arms trembling with fear and adrenaline.

"Alex." A voice called out and she looked up, blinking several times as her eyes struggled to make sense of the shape that had appeared in front of her. After a moment, the image of her mother came into focus, barefoot and clad in a hospital gown with a tube running into her nose.

Alex gaped at her for a few seconds before she was able to speak. "Mom?" She tried to push herself onto her feet but stopped when the plank beneath her creaked and wobbled unsteadily.

Wendy Chen stared down at Alex, then sighed and shook her head, the disappointment clear on her face even in the low light. "This isn't what I asked you to do, Alex." Her voice was thin and raspy, so quiet that Alex could barely hear it over her own labored breathing. "You promised me. You promised."

"I-I know, but…" Alex shifted her legs again, ignoring the groaning protests from the plank below her. Keeping her eyes fixed on her mother, she slowly moved one of her feet underneath her. She paused, waiting until the board steadied before standing and taking a step forward with her hands outstretched. "Mom, just let me explain, I—"

The plank snapped, sending her plummeting into empty space. Alex screamed, bracing herself for the impact she knew would come, but she just kept falling and falling and—

Alex woke with a start, jerking up and wrapping her arms around herself. She hunched forward, her knuckles going white as she gripped her upper arms and gasped for breath. Her heart was pounding so hard that it almost hurt, and she was soaked in sweat.

She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to breathe evenly. Once her heartbeat slowed, she opened her eyes, letting go of her arms and flexing her hands as her surroundings gradually came back into focus. She was sitting on her bed in her apartment. Rain pattered softly against the windows, her legs were tangled in the blankets balled at the end of the bed, and she could still smell just a hint of the microwave popcorn that Ryan had burnt while he and Steph were here last night.

Right. And then I asked them to leave earlier than usual because I had to get up early for…oh shit.

Alex grabbed her phone from the nightstand to check the time. 10 AM. She was two hours late for her shift and had several texts and a missed call from Steph.

"Shit!" she hissed, scrambling to free her legs from the mess of blankets before stumbling out of bed.

She dressed as quickly as she could and made a quick stop in the bathroom to brush her teeth before running out the door. It wasn't until she was outside the building and the rain was spattering her face that she realized she hadn't grabbed a coat or an umbrella. She paused, mentally debating if it was worth going back, then shrugged and sprinted toward the store.

A minute later, Alex burst into the record store, her wet shoes sending her skidding a few extra steps forward. There weren't any customers at the moment and the "on air" sign on the radio booth was lit up, so she had some time to gather herself before she had to talk to anyone. Alex moved behind the counter, taking deep breaths to slow her racing heart and using her fingers to comb her wet hair out of her face. She glanced at the to do list Steph had set next to the register for her and internally groaned when she saw that all of it involved going into the back storage room.

I can't do any of these things without Steph seeing me from the booth and then I'll have to explain why I'm late.

There are probably things I can do in the front of the store instead.

But the longer Steph goes without knowing where I am, the angrier she'll be. And then she'll know I've been avoiding her since I got here.

Alex sighed, bracing her hands against the counter as she stared down at the list.

Maybe if I just act like everything is fine, it'll help diffuse things?

Probably not but I don't know what else to do.

She grabbed a box of records from the side room and headed to the storage area at the back of the store, careful to keep her eyes forward when she passed in front of the radio booth. Once she was inside, she kicked the door shut behind her, set the box on a table, and started rifling through the records inside.

Thirty seconds later, the door opened again and Alex's shoulders tensed. Steph stayed in the doorway, but her emotions surged ahead of her.

Why is she acting like she isn't two hours late and didn't ignore her phone all morning?

Concern and confusion arced through Steph's head like lightning, sending her thoughts racing as she debated what to do next.

What's going on with her?

Why won't she just talk to me?

Am I making it worse?

I've been trying to give her space until she's ready to talk but it's been a week and she's obviously having a hard time.

"Alex?" Steph asked, her voice hesitant.

Alex paused with a record in her hands, staring blankly at the cover for a few seconds as she struggled to untangle her thoughts from Steph's. She looked over her shoulder to give Steph a quick, forced smile before turning back to her work. "Hey."

There was a heavy pause before Steph spoke again. "Are…are you okay? You came in pretty late. Which isn't a big deal," she added quickly. "I just want to know if you're okay."

Alex nodded but didn't turn around again. "Yeah," she said, doing her best to keep her voice light. "I'm fine."

Steph sighed and Alex dropped the record she was holding to grip the edges of the box, bracing herself for the wave of emotions she knew was about to come.

She's obviously not fine.

Why is she lying to me?

Worry prickled in Steph's chest, creeping through the rest of her body and keeping her paralyzed in the doorway.

I know she won't talk to me unless I push her. But every time I do, I feel like it pushes her away from me.

What else am I supposed to do?

What am I doing wrong?

Alex pressed her hands flat on the table on either side of the box, struggling to keep herself grounded in her own thoughts. "I'm okay, really. I had a nightmare and it made me oversleep. That's all."

"A nightmare?" Steph took a few more steps forward but stopped before she reached Alex. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Alex said automatically, wincing as soon as the word was out of her mouth.

Why won't she talk to me?

Frustration wove through the worry still snaking through Steph's body, making it bristle like thorns, honing each point until it sharpened and menaced her toward anger. But Steph caught herself and forced the feeling down until it was tangled, seething mess in the pit of her stomach.

Why won't she tell me what's going on?

Steph walked to stand next to Alex in front of the table. She moved like she was going to cover one of Alex's hands with her own but let her arm drop to her side instead. "I can tell you're not okay." Her voice was soft in a way that made Alex's chest ache. "I need you to tell me what's going on."

"Steph, I'm—"

"Don't—" Steph paused to take a deep breath before speaking again in a much calmer voice. "Please don't tell me you're fine. I know you're not."

Alex breathed in like she was going to say something but at this point her feelings were too muddled with Steph's and she couldn't figure out where to start. She let the breath out and Steph sighed again.

Why won't she talk to me?

Silence stretched between them, every second adding fuel to Steph's anger until it erupted again, and she couldn't hold it back anymore.

Why won't she talk to me why won't she talk to me WHY WON'T SHE—

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Alex smacked her hand down on the table, breathing heavily through her nose. Steph froze beside her, but Alex was already drowning in the anger tearing through them both. "I can't talk about this right now." She gritted her teeth, forcing her shoulders to relax before she continued. "Just let me get through my shift and we can talk afterwards. When we're both…calmer."

Damn it, Steph, you fucked it up again.

You should know by now that you can't get angry like this around her.

Steph's anger evaporated, replaced almost immediately by shame and guilt squirming in her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Alex, I…" Steph's voice wavered and she shook her head. "I shouldn't have gotten mad like that. I'll let you focus on work. Just text me when your shift is done, and we can talk then, okay?"

Alex nodded but didn't look up, swallowing thickly around the lump rising in her throat. Steph hesitated, then rested her hand on Alex's shoulder for a second before leaving the room.

After the door closed, Alex let out a shaky breath, squeezing her eyes shut to hold back the tears she felt building.

Fuck. Steph thinks she's the problem.

But I know she's not.

I am. Like always.

If I don't talk to her about what's going on, I'm going to lose her just like everyone else.

But how can I tell her how fucked up I really am without scaring her away?

I can't.

But if I don't, I'll lose her anyway.

Alex tilted her head to the side, clenching her jaw as she tried to stop the downward spiral of her thoughts.

I should just focus on my work.

If I can just get through my shift, I'll know what to do by the end of it.

Hopefully.

She opened her eyes, blinking away the last of her tears as she looked down at the table. Steph's anger had drained everything from her, leaving her feeling empty and hollow.

Is feeling numb better or worse?

At least my head is clear now, I guess.

Alex straightened up and wiped the tears from her face before refocusing on the box in front of her.

I just have to get through my shift.

And probably stay away from Steph for now. And try not to think about how awful that feels.

Fuck. I really thought things would be different this time.

But it seems like just more of the same.

A few hours later, Alex walked inside the Black Lantern and headed directly for the stairs to her apartment. The bar was dark and empty, just like it had been since the town council meeting a week ago. She avoided looking at the spot where she had confronted Jed as she made her way up the steps.

Once she was inside her apartment, she turned to face the door to kick off her shoes. She stared at the back of the door for a few seconds, then let her head tip forward until her forehead bumped against the wood.

What the fuck do I do now? I know Steph is waiting for me to text her.

But am I really ready to watch this implode right in front of me?

Alex's stomach growled and she pressed her hands against it, suddenly very aware that she hadn't eaten anything since the slightly burnt popcorn last night.

Okay. Food first, I guess.

Alex stepped away from the door and trudged into the kitchen. She opened the fridge, making a face at its nearly empty shelves. Nudging aside a bag of lettuce that was definitely going rotten, she managed to find a package of sliced salami and another of shredded cheese.

Wait. Did I buy these or was this Ryan trying to get me to stop eating frozen meals? How long have they been in here?

She shrugged and tossed the bags on the counter before searching through the cupboards until she found a package of probably stale tortillas.

No idea where or when these are from either but they don't look moldy.

She assembled everything into a wrap, bit into it, grimaced, and then took another bite.

Eh. I've eaten way worse than this.

As she finished her food, she glanced around the kitchen for something to drink, her eyes landing on half a can of beer left over from last night. She took a swig from it and pulled a face again.

Ugh. That's definitely been open for a lot longer than just yesterday.

She dumped the rest of the can into the sink before tossing it into the trash.

Now what?

She looked at the stairs leading to the roof.

Maybe some fresh air will clear my head.

Or I'm just stalling.

Definitely just stalling but let's go up anyway.

Alex opened the door to the rooftop, letting it swing shut behind her as she stared out into the rain. After a moment, she moved to sit in one of the patio chairs, leaning forward with her elbows resting on her thighs. She fidgeted with her rings for a few seconds before letting her head drop into her hands.

"Wow. Brooding alone on a rooftop in the rain. You practicing your audition for the next Batman movie?"

Alex turned to see Gabe standing under the awning near the door, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. She held his gaze until tears blurred her vision and she looked away.

Gabe sighed and walked over to sit next to her. "Rough day, huh?"

"I don't—" Alex stopped, swallowing around the pressure building in her throat. She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry or scream. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Gabe. I should be happy. I should be living that future you told me about. But I'm just miserable. I can barely eat, I have nightmares every time I sleep, and I feel like I want to tear apart everything around me and then myself."

Gabe exhaled slowly as he leaned back in his chair. "There's nothing wrong with you, Alex." He tilted his head to the side, squinting slightly. "Well, I mean, there kind of is, but it's all stuff you can fix."

"You know what's happening to me? How to make it stop?"

Gabe frowned, bobbing his head from side to side. "Yes. And no. You're just actually processing everything you've been through. This is the first time in your life you've felt safe enough to really feel all the stuff that's been building up for years. It happened to me, too, after I first decided to stay in Haven."

"So, what am I supposed to do?"

Gabe shrugged and shook his head. "I can't tell you that. This is something you're going to have to figure out yourself." He raised a hand when Alex started to protest. "Just don't forget, you have people who can help you through this."

"But I want you to be the one to help me." Alex's face crumpled as she turned away from him. She blinked the rainwater from her eyes as it mixed with the tears running down her cheeks. "But you left me. Again."

"Not by choice."

"I know. But it still means you're not here."

Gabe leaned towards her, waiting to speak until she met his eyes. "You can do this, Alex. Just don't give up. You're going to get through this, I know you will."

Alex turned away and lowered her eyes, watching the raindrops break against the rooftop. She knew Gabe would be gone when she looked up again.

After another moment, she got to her feet and walked back into her apartment. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, letting her eyes wander around the space as her wet clothes dripped on the floor, taking in the fragments of Gabe and herself scattered around her. Her gaze eventually landed on the coffee table and the bottle of whiskey that Duckie had gifted her a few days earlier.

Well, it's not like a drink could make me feel any worse right now.

She moved to the kitchen and grabbed a shot glass from the shelf before plopping down on the couch. Uncorking the bottle, she filled her glass, frowning when her shaking hand spilled a few drops onto the table. She tried to wipe the drops away, but only managed to smear rainwater across the table as well.

Alex sighed and picked up her glass. She studied the amber liquid for a few seconds before drinking it in one go, wincing as it burned its way down her throat. Once the sting was gone, she sat back against the couch, turning the empty glass over and over in her hands.

What do I do now? Gabe said I needed to 'process' what happened to me but how do I even do that?

He also said I needed to ask other people for help, but that sounds like a terrible idea.

"Hey, Steph. Sorry it took me so long to text you, I've been busy reliving all of my past trauma. Wanna come watch me break down and destroy my life for like the twentieth time?"

Alex bit down on her lower lip, spinning the glass even faster between her fingers.

If this all falls apart again, where would I even go after this? If I couldn't get my shit together here, where the fuck can I go to do that?

She stopped turning the glass and set it on the table just a little bit too hard.

No. Gabe said I could do this. I don't have to go anywhere else because I WILL make it work here.

I have to. I've worked so hard already and I'm not going to give that up without a fight.

Alex pulled her phone out of her pocket and flicked the screen open, navigating to her texts with Steph. She hesitated with her thumbs hovering over the keyboard and glanced at the whiskey bottle that was still on the table in front of her.

I think I need one more drink before I do this.

She poured herself another glass and downed it in one swallow, coughing as it stung even more than the first. A third shot followed quickly after, making her gasp and cough again. Her head started to feel fuzzy, and she set her phone on the table before laying back on the couch.

Okay. I'm just going to rest for a bit and then I'm going to text Steph and tell her everything.