Haley James Scott stared at the reflective surface of the pool for a moment or two before she jumped in, fully clothed. She was tired; she missed her mom; and her heart splintered in ways she didn't know were possible. She needed to feel something, anything other than the all encompassing numbness she felt since her mother's death. Haley felt like she lost a limb – a vital limb – when her mother died and her best friend hadn't even been able to make the funeral. It had hurt, knowing she was utterly parentless now. Quinn and Taylor were in the same boat as her but they both seemed to be dealing with their grief differently; better. It was hard. Felt like swallowing nails every time she realized that Lydia James was gone.

As she held herself under water, slowly growing more numb to the cold as her oxygen supply depleted, she thought over times in her life when she had been happy; when depression hadn't eclipsed it like a total lunar eclipse.

Her wedding day.

Kissing in the rain with Nathan.

Giving birth to Jamie.

Jamie learning how to swim again.

She was pushing and pulling against the tide that held her captive; the water that pulled her under that she so desperately wanted to break free of but her mind wouldn't let her.

She was sinking.

Drowning.

Help.

Help me.

Please somebody, help me.

An arm wrapped around her waist and Haley felt her body being tugged upward, head breaking water as she coughed and spluttered. "Baby?"

This…this voice. She knew it. Encased her in a safety blanket of warmth and security. Legs curling up behind her, she spun around, coming face-to-face with her husband of going on nine years. Nathan Scott was hurriedly checking her over, broken words falling past clumsy lips as he asked, repeatedly, if she was okay. She coughed up a lungful of water and Nathan wailed, pulling her tightly into him. She wailed right along with him.

XXX

Nathan and Haley stood in their shower, hot water cascading down their bodies as they stood in each other's embrace. Haley trembled in his hold and she felt, rather than heard, her husband sigh. It was all she could do to stand up on her own two feet with the support of him. "What were you thinking, baby?" This was Nathan's quiet and judgment-free voice. She was relieved for the fact that he didn't seem to be judging her at the least.

"I was thinking," she began quietly, "that I wanted to feel something. Anything. Anything other than the numbness I was feeling."

"When – when I heard your messages to your mom, my heart about damn neared sheared in half," he murmured, closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead against hers'. "I know the pain hurts. Immeasurably so, but Haley, you're my life. I would cease to exist if you did. You can't – god, baby – you can't do something like this again."

"I'm sorry," she murmured lowly as her body shivered in the cool water now. Nathan shook his head, taking a moment to turn off their water and then wrap her in a towel, following suit with his own towel the next moment.

"Come on, let's get dressed and in bed," he whispered, and Haley felt her heart clench at how small his voice sounded. The past several nights she had been sleeping on her own, too afraid to wake him up with all of her crying. Thinking on it now, she realized he probably wanted her to wake him up, so he could help her should she need it. She wasn't completely sure why she had pushed him away in the first place.

"Okay," she matched his whisper, walking back into their bedroom and sitting down on their bed.

"My shirt and pajama pants?" Nathan asked softly, and Haley nodded her head, watching as he took out her favorite pair and made his way to her. "Arms up, baby."

She held up her arms, letting her towel fall off and Nathan slipped the shirt on over her frame, then slid the cotton pants up. She was warm for the first time all night. He eased her down onto the bed, pushing her wet hair off her forehead and then hesitated, torn it seemed. "What?"

Nathan chewed on his lip for approximately ten-seconds before answering her. "You just don't really seem to want to sleep in the bed. You always stay down in the living room. Do you want me to sleep in the living room?"

Haley was quick to shake her head, fingers latching onto his shirt and holding onto him tenaciously. "Don't leave me."

That was all it took for Nathan to sigh in relief before getting In bed and curling his taller frame around her shorter one. When they were laying side-by-side and she was pressed up to him, Haley felt the last of the coldness seep away through his body warmth. "I won't ever leave you."

She nodded as she swallowed thickly, a few tears sliding down her cheeks. "I miss my mom." It was nothing more than a painful whisper that cost her great strength, and Nathan held onto her all the more tighter.

"I know you do, baby," he murmured. "But nothing gives you the right to try and take away yourself from me. You would have taken away my heart had you succeeded."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as tears blurred her vision. "I wasn't – wasn't – wasn't trying to kill myself or anything. I just needed to feel something."

"I think I understand that but I want you to go back to therapy, okay? Give it a try," Nathan encouraged and she nodded. Maybe it would help this time around. "And, I'm draining our poll tomorrow morning, first thing."

"Jamie will be sad," Haley said.

"I know but it's dead of winter, he doesn't need to be swimming in it regardless. Heated or otherwise. I'll refill it in the summer, if you're doing better by then," Nathan replied, placing a gentle kiss to her temple and Haley melted against him.

She had made a real mess of things.

Only way up from here was to go up.