Disclaimer: This story is rated Mature for a reason. Topics such as anxiety, su!cide/ideation, depression, bullying, ptsd, domestic abuse are prominent in this story.

*Though Bella will be in relationships during this story, there is no final pairing she will be with. If that doesn't appeal to you, I suggest not to read.*

Finally, this story was inspired by the book, It Ends With Us! Literally it's one of the most fantastic, heartbreaking, well-written books I've ever read, and sobbed all through. I highly recommend it if you've not read it yet.

ooOoo

Chapter 1:

If perfection was personified… it was Edward Cullen. Just ask any female within Forks, Washington, they'd have the same opinion.

It's not like I was obsessed with him but thus far, he was the only member of the male species who'd not left me thoroughly repulsed. Everything about him was sophisticated. Mature. Sometimes, I wondered whether he truly was seventeen. Everyone knew his aspiration to be a doctor just like his father. Perhaps that's why he studied so hard, taking school so seriously.

It was an admirable trait and if it weren't for me, he'd be top of the class.

Yes, you heard right. Me. Isabella Swan.

While Edward was perfection, I was a book- a long dull book with too many pages and no end in sight. I was the forgotten book at the back of the shelf, covered in a thick layer of dust. I was the assigned summer reading book nobody ever actually read. I was the book with a pretty cover that inspired people to open me up but never truly comprehend.

Do you get the picture?

For one, it did not help to be the daughter of the Chief of Police; second, if my social anxiety wasn't so crippling, perhaps I'd make a friend.

But for now, staring was nice. Staring was good. Staring meant not having to stumble through awkward stilted conversations. Though, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a lonely person. Just because I've come to terms with my solitude did not mean it was enjoyable. While human interaction was the equivalent of drowning I could not be this way forever.

At least that's what Carmen said. My therapist.

I'd made it the past four years without friends, why attempt now?

Nobody wanted to sit next to the weird, mute girl. Perhaps it was my own fault for driving everyone away and while Carmen's attempts to help… energize my social life were well meant, it was pointless.

It was quite simple really. I was not a likable person.

I was the exact opposite of Edward, who sat so close I was half-tempted to reach out and run my hand through his perfectly imperfect tousled bronze hair. Did it feel as perfect as it looked? Obviously, I would never know but it didn't hurt to daydream.

"Isabella?"

What? Fuck.

Staring at me, his thick brows furrowed together. His eyes, a vibrant green- a shimmering shade of emerald. How had I never noticed them before? They were marred by confusion and… concern?

Well, of course, he's concerned, you idiot! I really did need to work on this spacing out thing. How many other times had I unknowingly made a fool of myself?

Mr. Banner knew of my situation and always did well to accommodate. Basically inept at making conversation, working alone was essential and preferential.

Except today, Mr. Banner was not here and this substitute thought he knew everything there was to know.

"Isabella?" he repeated.

Heat rose to my cheeks and looked away as quickly as our eyes had met.

Frowning, his pouty pink lips turned down. "D-do you wanna check the microscope? It's Anaphase."

Oh yeah. Mitosis. Of course, he was right. He was always right yet never seemed to show it off. Perhaps it was because his crowd was so dumb and he didn't want to make them feel any less smart. I used to think they were all the same but Edward was actually decently sound once you got talking.

Not that I did much. As always, the other person spent the majority of the time rambling on to themselves, eventually forgetting I was even present.

Still, I glance into the microscope.

Anaphase.

My knuckles are white as I push the object toward him. Carmen said I was a wire waiting to snap. The bundle of anxiety I held so tight onto would eventually explode. Her analogies were very annoying. I told her that once and she laughed. To say the least, I did not find it very funny.

Now seated together, my body turned away, tense and ready.

Ready for what? That I couldn't tell you. I was just ready.

While it was not Edward's fault, I was not pleased with the encroachment of my desk. Conveniently located at the back of the room, I was away from prying eyes. Nobody could fully turn their body around and blatantly stare.

That was too obvious.

Now, without having to glance around the room, it was obvious we were the first ones done. Once again, it was no surprise.

Edward sighed, his jaw squared and chiseled, clenching together. His arms crossed over his chest, relaxing back in the hard plastic seat.

He was hot without even having to try.

Then as if he'd read my mind, glanced toward me.

My heart lept into my throat, head ducking down.

"Did you have a good Christmas?" he asked.

A short pause later, I respond.

"What?"

I never could seem to talk loud enough. I blush again- something I can never not do. I blamed my pale complexion.

"Y-yes."

He seems to hear this time, nodding in response. I know, this was the part where I was supposed to ask him how his holidays were but like cement hardening in my throat, I can not speak.

Watching the clock turn painfully slow will not speed up the time but still, I stare with impatient eyes.

"You know I'm actually happy to be back?" said Edward. "All my parents do is talk about college… drives me insane. Can't even name the number of tours I went on."

"Oh."

People tended to get fed up with my silence rather quickly so why Edward continued to try… I could not give a reason.

"Where are you applying?"

I shrugged my shoulders, lips pressed into a thin line. Honestly, I hadn't given it a thought. Who needed college? It was just a huge scam created to steal thousands of dollars from broke families. What did we get in return? A shitty money-less degree, a lengthy debt intended never to be paid off, and a lifetime of being miserable.

I think it's safe to say I was not excited about college.

My foot tapped repeatedly, the minutes not going by quick enough. For such a short amount of time, five minutes felt rather long.

I watched as he sniffed himself, face morphing into confusion and my muscles clenched so tight something was bound to snap. The wire couldn't hold forever.

Edward left without a goodbye, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, and steps fast as he weaved around the crowd not looking back.

That's just the way it was. People tried to get to know me until they realized there was nothing to know and got bored and walked away.

ooOoo

It was rumored Jessica Stanley got a boob job over break. How else would she have gone from a C cup to a D in one week? The gossip did not seem to bother her, proudly displaying her cantaloupe-sized breasts in tight-fitting blouses.

Staring at myself in the mirror, it's not like I was flat chested. My boobs were just tiny like the rest of my body. I had no curves, something every teenage girl seemingly craved to have.

I could list a whole set of flaws about myself, starting with my doe eyes too large for my narrow face. Heartshaped and long, my chin jutted out just a little too much and nose was annoyingly straight and pointed. There was nothing interesting about me. Nothing boys would want to stare at.

My mother used to always compliment my mahogany hair. Thick and long, she wished her's like mine. I'd heard the comments before, mostly people demanding to know why such a pretty girl such as myself did not show my face.

It was the same reason I was eating lunch alone in my truck.

It was a nice day for once. The gloom and rain that hovered over Forks seemed to have lifted. Everyone was outside, soaking in as much warmth as they could despite it only being in the high fifties. I blamed global warming. Nowhere should it be this warm in early January.

Jessica's shrill laugh sounded from across the lot. Seated at the wooden picnic tables, her body draped over Edward. He leaned away, a pained look etched on his face as if he'd tasted something sour. It was quite disgusting the way she chased after him like a dog desperate for a bone. They had been on and off for the past three years if rumors could be believed.

Beside them sat two others: a beefy boy with a full head of dark curls, and the other, a straight-faced, blonde-haired boy.

Emmett Cullen and Jasper Hale.

Edward and Emmett were siblings if you could believe it. They bore no resemblance nor personality and if not for their last name, no one would have a clue. There was a third Cullen sibling as well.

Alice.

She was a weird girl always with some feather in her hair or a glittery top.

I'm not trying to be rude but the girl was a mystery, dancing through life with an infectious smile on her face. The difference between her and I were that while people drifted away from my strangeness, they flocked toward her's. She and Jasper were together- complete opposites but fit together like a puzzle piece.

Then there was me and my chicken sandwich. While all I could be bothered to make this morning, it was mediocre at its best.

ooOoo

It was the funniest unfunny coincidence running into Edward again. It wasn't to be unexpected in a town of three-thousand one-hundred and twenty people but still, I was surprised.

It was his mother, Esme Cullen who saw me first. Dark-haired with a kind face, they had the same dazzling smile.

We stood next to the poultry section, a package of chicken legs in his hand.

He wasn't a vegan apparently. That was this week's current gossip. How it started… I hadn't a clue.

"Oh, you're Isabella! The chief's daughter!" the woman gushed.

Bella.

I nod, mechanical and instinctively because that's what you did when someone asked you a question and I was not about to be rude to Edward's mom. Contrary to popular gossip, before my father, I had not been raised in a barn and knew basic manners. My mother was around enough to teach me that. I could be polite when I wanted. Respect was something to be earned and this lot of pimpled-face idiots had done nothing to earn it.

I suppose you could say I was a pessimistic-grudge holder.

"You're father sent the nicest Christmas card! I still haven't had a chance to thank him!"

Oh, did he? Holidays were not big in our home so I wouldn't know. Charlie like myself was not a man of many words. That's why we lived perfectly together. He expected nothing from me and I expected nothing in return.

My lips press into a thin smile and Edward fiddled with his phone. His feet scuff the ground, looking anywhere but up.

"Edward, wasn't that kind?"

"Huh?"

"Cheif Swan. Isabella's father," Mrs. Cullen said with a hand now on her hip.

He swallows. "Oh, yes. Very nice."

The friendliness from before seems to have faded. Most likely my fault.

"You're father has been a great help to us this year. We can't be more appreciative." her hand lightly touched her breastbone, looking as if she were about to cry.

"Mom…"

A quick glance between them was conversation enough and she went quiet. There was obviously a lot I didn't know. I often wondered what the boy was thinking always with a stern expression, lines crinkling on his forehead.

"Is your father here with you? We'd love to have you over for dinner sometime!"

Edward's cheeks couldn't have turned a darker shade of crimson. Earlier when he had blushed, I'd had the strangest impulse to reach out and touch his cheeks. My fingers tingled up to my elbows and if not for my self-control, I would have done so.

I shook my head, tugging on a dark lock just below my shoulder. Twirling it around and around, Mrs. Cullen didn't seem all that bothered by my silence.

Mother like son.

"Well, when you get home please let him know! How about next week. Thursday? Well, I mustn't hold you up any longer," she talked a mile a minute, warmth in her voice. "Edward, wouldn't that be nice- Chief Swan and Isabella coming over?"

Watching me through guarded eyes and a clenched jaw, he said yes. Then they bid goodbye, headed back the way they came.

There was a swoosh in my ears, my mind tumbling in different directions when finally I was alone. Stuffed in my pockets, my hands trembled.

Don't cry. Dear God, suck it up!

The tears burned as I swallowed the lump in my throat. My shoulders were riddled with tension and I couldn't help but wonder how people like Mrs. Cullen did it. Lived freely. Happy. Always smiling.

It was frustrating how even a short, uneventful conversation was too much to withstand. When I was younger, my mother said "God made us exactly the way we were meant to be." What was supposed to be a well-meaning statement only turned the world on my head, leaving in its path a messy trail of destruction.

Clutching my stomach, the ache was too familiar. My shirt crumpled in my hand, a bead of sweat dripping down my neck.

I had to leave. Now.

Charlie didn't want people to find out about my problems. Though he would never admit it, I knew he was embarrassed. How could he keep the town safe when he couldn't even keep his own daughter in order?

I headed for the front doors, abandoning the cart. My feet moved on their own, chatter fading to background noise until outside. Then as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the atmosphere, I gasped for air, clutching at my chest. I made it to the truck, sinking down in the seat until out of view.

ooOoo

A/N:

Hey everyone! I know know, I'm posting another story. I'm still working on Into the Woods but literally, I'm incapable of working on just one story at a time. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and look forward to any reviews. I already have several chapters written so I should post the second next week or sooner!