Open Window

by Peetabreaddd

Peeta and Katniss just got home from the Games. Katniss is battling with herself on whether she should let Peeta into her life or not. By her own indecisiveness, she has hurt Peeta again. This story is bit different from the rest. Gale is present, but only as her best friend. This story will take us through the Victory Tour, the Quarter Quell and the war. It's up to Katniss.

1. Chapter 1

Katniss hadn't seen Peeta since he disappeared, after realizing that what she said in the Games…was or wasn't all that true. She never even realized how heartbroken he would be. She thought it was all an act. She didn't know that he thought she was telling the truth. He thought all her giggles and kisses and sweet nothings were all for him, when really, they were for the Capitol, just so she could get the both of them out of that arena, and back to District 12.

She didn't realize that the second he walked away, was the moment that she questioned how much was real, and how much was fake. She knew the giggling was. She knew all the cutesy kisses and some of the smiles were fake. She realized she had a Capitol persona. Everything under her Capitol persona was fake…but which one's were under the real Katniss?

Maybe the acting was fake. But some of the feelings behind them weren't fake? God, she didn't know. All she knew was when he walked away, she felt her heart break. She was feeling lonely. She already missed him terribly. She wanted him to hold her and let her explain herself. But how could she explain? She didn't understand anything herself.

When he finally reemerged, he looked broken. He would hold her hand and pretend to be in love for the cameras. He would protect her from the Capitol. He would act for the camera as well.

She kept her fake smile on her face. She held Peeta's hand tightly. Squeezing it. Willing him to understand that she cared about him. Willing him to understand her confusion over her feelings, other than knowing she cares about him. Willing him to fix her confusion.

She felt his hand tense. She looked at him and followed his gaze. Gale was holding Prim on his shoulders, smiling at her. Katniss gasped and covered her face with her other hand.

Gale brought her up to the stage and then Prim went running up to her, crashing into Katniss. Peeta let her hand go so she could wrap both arms around Prim.

"I knew you would win. I just knew it," Prim cried. Katniss hid her face to get her emotions in check. She wouldn't cry. Not in front of the Capitol.

"I thought I'd never see you again," Prim sobbed. Katniss just held her tighter and turned her face away from the cameras. She caught Peeta's eyes. He was looking at her sadly. Not really at her, but at Prim. Her mom came over, and the three of them hugged for a while.

By the time Gale and his family came over, she could feel the heat coming from Peeta. She couldn't bear to look at him. She knew he was jealous of Gale. Although, she couldn't understand why. Yes, they were best friends, and they were always with each other. But they didn't have feelings for each other. They were like brother and sister.

The cameras came and went. They said goodbye, and when she turned around to look at Peeta…he was gone!

It had been a terrible month since Katniss had been home from the Hunger Games. She wished Haymitch had warned her on the train ride home that she would get nightmares. Nightmares that woke her up screaming. Woke her up sobbing and sweating. She woke her mom and Prim up every night. Sometimes multiple times a night.

Her and Gale didn't talk about the Games on Sundays, the only day they could see each other. They didn't talk about the Mines. They talked about silly things. They talked about their family. They talked about their neighbors, their old classmates, the people in town. They talked about hunting or the Hob. Gale would tell Katniss stories that he heard from some of the guys in the mines but didn't actually talk about their jobs in the mines. It was easy with Gale.

They sat down in their favorite place. On this beautiful hill overlooking…beauty. She felt like she was home here. She thought she would never see this again. She felt at peace here…she used to feel at peace there. And for the most part she still did. But in any moment where she was sitting still…she thought of Peeta.

She thought about him all day. Every day. She tried to ignore it. She tried to pretend that she wasn't thinking about him. But she longed for him. In everyday things. Her mother made her coffee, and she turned up her nose. Peeta had made her coffee a few times. He knew exactly how much milk and sugar to put in it. She thought of him at any mealtime, wondering if he was eating with his family, and not alone in that house. She wanted to walk with him in the Hob. She wanted him when she woke up, terrified from a nightmare. She wanted to hug him…and she wanted to be sitting in her and Gale's favorite spot…with Peeta.

She felt a finger on her cheek. She looked up at Gale, who was smiling sadly at her.

"You're crying," Gale said. Katniss touched her cheek. She had been crying? She furiously wiped her tears away. Gale let out a deep sigh.

"I wish I knew what to say or do to help you," Gale said. Katniss looked at him. "I don't know what to do to help you. It kills me knowing how much pain you're in, and I can't even talk about it with you," Gale said. Katniss looked out into the long patch of grass, staring at the other hills.

"I wish you'd tell me something though. Anything. I don't even care if you tell me what color the damn carpet was in the hallway in your penthouse. I just wish you'd talk to me and let me somehow help you," Gale said. Katniss looked back at him and thought about what he was asking her.

"You'll like Cinna," she said. Gale tilted his head. "He's the reason I got through my interview. Haymitch and Effie were mad at me because no matter what they tried to do, I fought it and sucked at being every person they tried to make me be…but Cinna said when Caesar asked me a question, look at him and pretend he's the one asking me, and just answer Cinna because he was my friend," Katniss said. Gale smiled.

"I wondered how you got there…I wondered if maybe Caesar was your friend and helped you out. You seemed ok answering his questions. But I get it now," Gale said. Katniss nodded.

"Caesar really is kind though. He's really thoughtful. No matter who's on stage, he's really trying to help each tribute make an impression…Cinna's really my friend though," she whispered and looked away.

"I'm glad you found someone good like that. I'm glad he took care of you," Gale told her. She nodded and wiped another tear.

"I finally understand why Haymitch is always drunk…and why no one in town gets mad at him, and someone always helps him home. I just…I get it now," Katniss said.

"I always thought he was an idiot," Gale said softly. Katniss nodded her head and turned back to Gale.

"Me to. But he's smart. I knew what he wanted me to do in the arena by what he would, and wouldn't send me,"

"What do you mean?" he asked her. She looked out into the wilderness. She loved it here. She just loved it here.

"I needed water so bad. But he wouldn't send it to me. I just had this feeling that the reason why he wouldn't send it to me, was because I was close to some water. So, why would he waste sponsors on water?" she said.

"He sent you a lot of parachutes. You got more than any of them," Gale told her. She nodded her head. "What did the other parachutes mean?" Gale asked. She gave him a soft glare, and he just smiled.

"What, you don't think that I understood what the other parachutes meant? I'm not stupid you know," he chuckled. But she shook her head.

"You don't know what they meant," she mumbled.

"How about the bowl of broth. You don't think I realize what Haymitch was trying to say?" Gale asked. Katniss wouldn't look at him, and he softly chuckled. "He wanted you to kiss him. Like really kiss Peeta. And it was just a peck. So, one peck, one small bowl of broth," Gale said. She turned to look at him, eyes blaring. How on earth did he figure that out?

"That sleeping syrup was pretty obvious. Anyone could have figured that out. He wanted you to go to the Feast and didn't want Peeta to get himself killed. But the basket full of food. Well, not everyone understood that one," Gale said.

"Oh really. You know what Haymitch meant by that?" Katniss snapped. Gale smiled sadly at her.

"You gave Peeta something real. Not the actual story, but you opened up to him. You were Katniss. You forgot you were on a television show," Gale told her. Katniss looked away from him.

"I'm sorry…it wasn't fair that you had your first kiss in front of all of Panem. It was wrong," Gale told her. She pulled one of her knees up to her chest and leaned her chin on it. It was embarrassing. Humiliating. Everyone watched her kiss Peeta for the first time. It's played over and over again. She watched it on stage, and no one understood how humiliating it was for her.

"I wish I could have just given you your first kiss," Gale said. Katniss whipped her head around to look at him. What did he just say?

"You what? You wanted to kiss me?" she asked, not believing it. He rolled his eyes.

"No, I didn't say that. But I think years from now when you were supposed to think back on your first kiss, at least it would have been better than everyone seeing it. Even if I wasn't the guy you wanted to kiss," he joked. She shook her head.

"I would hate to think of you as my first kiss. And I wish I could go my whole life without having a first kiss," she grumbled. Gale scooted closer to wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

"I'm sure that's not true. But I can understand how that could ruin even something simple as a first kiss for you," Gale said gently. Few more tears fell, and she leaned into him, letting her comfort her.

A sudden thought shot through her mind. She wished these were Peeta's arms around her right now. She loved Gale. She always would. But he was like her brother. He was her best friend. They didn't feel that way towards each other. But she felt herself feeling that way towards Peeta. And she wanted nothing more than to stuff those feelings down and bury them.

But she wanted to feel safe. And she did somewhat with Gale…but she was literally hiding in a cave with an injured Peeta, who wouldn't be able to protect her from people trying to kill her or couldn't save her if the Gamemakers decided to set their cave on fire or open the ground up to swallow them whole.

Even through all that…she actually felt safe in his arms. She knew it then. She hadn't felt safe in anyone's arms since her father died. And that was what scared her.

"I'm always here for you Katniss. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do for you. But I'm right here for you. And I'll do whatever I can to help get your through this. I promise," Gale told her. She turned in his arms and threw own arms around his neck and buried her face there.

She wanted to tell him everything about the Games. She wanted to talk about it with him. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about Rue, Thresh, the berries or Peeta. Not yet.

"Thank you," she whispered softly.

She didn't really hunt that day. Just followed Gale around. But they walked back with their gamebags full. Katniss was walking slowly and looking down at the ground. Gale wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"Just take it one day at a time Catnip. I don't know if there's anything else to do. But just do that,"

She had been home for three months now. In another three months, she would be going on the Victory Tour with Peeta. She had barely spoken to him. She couldn't look at him because his face said it all. How miserable and hurt he was. And it was all her fault! She just couldn't bring herself to talk to him, because she just couldn't sort out her feelings enough to even know what to say. So, she avoided him every chance she got!

"Hard night again?" Gale asked another Sunday morning, when he found her sitting on the hill. She did that a lot now. Just sat there.

"I just have so much on my mind," Katniss said. Gale never got mad at her for not talking about the Games. He always asked if she wanted to talk about it, and she always said no. But he always offered. He always asked her if there was anything he could do. Anything he could say. And he tried his best. But he couldn't do or say anything. But she was so thankful for who Gale was. He never got mad at her. He was always so patient. Which surprised her because it was not who Gale was before she left for the Games.

"Maybe if you talked to Peeta it would help," Gale said, mentioning Peeta for the first time since she came home. Katniss was stunned, but then she shook her head.

"That's not a good idea." She whispered.

"Because he's hurt. Which, I have no idea why. Whatever you said to him hurt him. I can tell he's devastated anytime I see him,"

"How do you know it's my fault?" Katniss demanded. How could Gale not take her side? If the roles were reversed, Katniss would just automatically be on his side. She would automatically defend him blindly.

"Because he's too hurt for it to be something he said. I'm not trying to be mean. I just know you. And him," Gale said.

"How do you know him? You've never even hung out with him," Katniss was getting heated. He has no idea what Peeta is like. He doesn't know Peeta.

"I never had to hang out with him to know that Peeta's been in love with you his whole life. I didn't realize it was since he was five. But as soon as you and I became friends, I saw the way he looked at you. He always tried to be in the kitchen in the Bakery whenever we'd go there to trade with his dad. And I knew before he announced it, that he watches you go home from school. Every day," Gale told her. Her mouth had dropped open at some point, and she didn't even realize that hot, angry tears had been pouring down her face.

"I didn't know he did that. I never knew that. Why is everyone holding it against me because I didn't know," she cried out. Letting out a sob.

"I didn't know he was telling the truth. I thought he was playing the Games for the audience. I thought he was working with the Careers to kill me. I never meant to lead him on. I just wanted us to go home. Together. I wanted to save him. I didn't have time to sort anything out. I didn't know. I didn't mean to hurt him," Katniss sobbed.

She let Gale pull her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest and really let it out. She hurt Peeta, and she hated herself for it. She was only 16 years old. She didn't know what she was doing. Why was it wrong to pull out those berries? She wanted to keep Peeta alive. That wasn't wrong.

"Katniss it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. Doing anything to keep you and Peeta safe isn't wrong. You did the right thing," Gale said. She pulled back.

"Can we just go back," Katniss said. Gale nodded and they grabbed all their stuff and started heading back to the fence.

"Do you remember what place Peeta ended up with in wrestling?" Gale asked. Katniss gave him a strange look.

"Yeah, he came in second. His brother came in first," Katniss asked.

"Did anyone else beat him?" he asked. She shook her head.

"The only one that did was Rye,"

"Is he older or younger than you?"

"He's older. His birthdays in November,"

"Which town kids does he hang out with?"

"The tailor's kids. The others I don't know which family they are. I don't pay attention to them. I only remember the tailor's kids because I hate those twins," Gale chuckled.

"Were you in the same classes last year?"

"No, we only had History and Math together,"

"What was his last class for the day?"

"English. Wait! Stop!" Katniss said and grabbed his arm. "Why are you asking so many questions about him?" she demanded. He smiled and started laughing.

"How do you not see it?" Gale asked her. Katniss waited for him to answer. "You've always paid attention to Peeta," Gale laughed. Katniss narrowed her eyes at him, and he laughed even harder as he kept walking.

"My God. You really don't see it. Do you honestly think that you would have been able to go into the Hunger Games, and kiss a guy who you didn't have feelings for?" Gale asked as he went under the fence.

"You couldn't even have done that with me. We never would have pulled off the Star-Crossed lovers. And you sure as hell wouldn't have been able to do that with anyone else in District 12," Gale told her as she stomped behind him. She was getting angrier and angrier.

"If it meant you and me surviving, I would have," Katniss. He spun around to look at her.

"No, you wouldn't. You're a terrible actress. You made it through all those fake moments being all happy and sunshine, but it was terrible acting. The Capitol didn't know, but all twelve districts could see it. And if me and you were in there together, there was no way we could have pulled that off. From the moment we stepped onto the chariots. There would be no way," Gale told her.

"Then why could I with Peeta?" she asked.

"Because you have feelings for him. It was easy to let him hold your hand on the chariot. Yeah, you blew kisses and all that garbage, but you needed to do that to make the Capitol like you. But you would never hold another guy's hand unless you felt something. You don't think I know your facial expressions? When you thought Peeta was with the Careers, I saw the betrayal. I saw the hurt,"

"No, you couldn't," she huffed. How dare he say any of this. Why wasn't he on her side?

"When you woke up from getting stung by the trackerjackers, and you figured out he saved you, it changed for you. You were beyond relieved when you heard the rule change. That's why you went after him. You took care of him. You risked your damn life for him. You kissed him. Katniss Everdeen could never kiss another guy, no matter who he was, if she didn't have feelings for him,"

"And why couldn't I have with you?" she demanded as she grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"I would have been too angry in the arena. There's no way that we could have kissed. It would have been forced. We would have been too awkward; you couldn't lay with me and hold my hand while you slept. You wouldn't have fed me. I wouldn't even let you. We'd complain and make people hate us. Only one of us would have come home," Gale told her. But Katniss shook her head.

"If we were both in there we-"Gale grabbed her face and kissed her hard on the lips. He pulled back and raised his arms. She had no time to react.

"Well? Tell me you felt something romantic. Tell me that you weren't so skeeved out that you think you could have kept kissing me, cuddling with me, holding my hand. Tell me I'm wrong," Gale demanded. Katniss wanted to look anywhere but at him. But as her gaze shifted, her eyes widened.

"Damnit!" she said. She turned back to him and shoved him hard in the chest. "You did that by the Bakery. All Peeta has to do is look out the back window and see you kissing me," Katniss said. Oh God, what if Peeta did see.

"I didn't mean to. It's not like I meant to do it in front of Peeta. I didn't know I was going to. But I'm serious Katniss. Don't you see the difference? You care about Peeta. You're worried that he saw me kiss you. Your first reaction is to worry about Peeta's feelings. You've always cared about Peeta. Long before his name was called," Gale said. She just stood there and stared at him. She hated him right now. Telling her how she would act with him in the arena. She would have done anything to save Gale if he were in the Games with her.

"You don't know what you're talking about," she yelled at him.

"I do know what I'm talking about. You're just too afraid and stubborn to admit it. But you're making yourself sicker about it. Go and talk to him," Gale said. She ripped her game bag off her shoulder and threw it at him.

"You mind your own damn business," she yelled and stormed off and back to herself.

Where the hell did he get off saying that to her? He couldn't tell Katniss what she would or wouldn't do had he been in the arena. They would have done anything together to make sure they both ended up home.

She was so mad that he brought up anything about Peeta. He had no right to talk about her feelings for Peeta. Or even Peeta's feelings for her.

She couldn't sleep the next few nights because of this. She went days without sleeping now, and only fell asleep when she physically couldn't keep her eyes opened.

She woke up from a bad dream. It wasn't a nightmare. Just a bad dream that made her cry. She thought of Peeta, and the moment he realized that she had acted for the camera. She hated relieving that moment. She couldn't even get away from it in her dreams.

She had only dozed on and off for the past three days. She slept almost two hours. She shook her head. She hated this. It was terrible not to be able to sleep. She went downstairs and put on her slipper boots and sat on the front porch, crossing her arms and leaning down on her thighs.

It was starting to really get cold. All she had on was pajama pants, a shirt and then a long-sleeved shirt over that. The long shirt had a little hood in the back, and so could pull it up over her head. But it really didn't help the shiver that went down her back. She looked up at Peeta's house.

She was living so close to him. She could look out her window and see into his own house. He loved to sleep with the windows opened. She literally could see his bedroom. She huffed into her legs. Why couldn't she just bring herself to talk to him? Try to explain to him. But how could she explain anything to him when she didn't understand anything herself.

She jumped when she heard a noise. She looked over at Haymitch's house. He was awake, and tripping over something. She decided to go over there and check on him. She walked into his living room and saw him sitting in his recliner.

"It's pretty late for you sweetheart," Haymitch said. Katniss nodded and sat in one of his long high back chairs and sat sideways on it and curled up.

"You should light a fire Haymitch. It's getting cold," she told him.

"Yeah, I'll get around to it sometime. What's wrong with you. You look like you got something on your mind," Haymitch asked her. She just sat there. "Nightmare?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Not a nightmare. Just a bad dream," she said and wiped her face.

"Have you been sleeping?" he asked her. She shook her head again.

"Not until I'm forced to fall asleep. Then it just makes it a little harder to wake up from the nightmares," she said. Haymitch nodded his head.

"I know. Wish there were something I could do to help you," Haymitch said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Does he have nightmares to?" Katniss asked softly, not wanting to look at Haymitch. Because he snorted. She closed her eyes. Why did she ask about Peeta? She knew she shouldn't have done that.

"He doesn't have to be asleep to have nightmares. He just has to look out the back window at the Bakery and see you kissing Gale to have a nightmare," Haymitch said. She turned with her mouth wide open. Tears sprang to her eyes. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

"He saw us? God," she covered her face in her hands.

"Next time you kiss your boyfriend, don't do it near the Bakery. The boy didn't do anything wrong. He's in love with you. You don't have to hurt him anymore than you have. More than you already did," Haymitch told her. She head snapped up to look at him.

"What I did? You mean what we did! You were the one who wanted us to become the Star-Crossed lovers to make sure we both got out. You're the one who sent me the sleeping syrup. You're the one who only sent a bowl of broth because I didn't give him a real kiss. You're the one who sent so much food because I did give him a real kiss. You're the one who told me to be in love to make sure we both got out of there in one piece. Why is this all my fault?" she cried. Haymitch held up his hands.

"Woah. What is wrong with you?" Haymitch asked.

"It wasn't like that. Gale's not my boyfriend. He kissed me because we were having an argument. He was proving a point," Katniss cried, trying to defend herself.

"So, whenever you have an argument, Gale kisses you?"

"No Damnit," she said and took a nearby bottle and threw it against the wall, smashing it into pieces.

"Hey now, don't you go throwing around glasses in my house,"

"I don't feel anything towards Gale. He's like my brother. I'm like his sister. We're family. He was arguing with me about Peeta. He kissed me to prove that I…" Katniss trailed off. Haymitch leaned forward as she buried her face in his hands.

"To prove that you what?" Haymitch asked. Katniss looked up and tried to say something, but then shut her mouth. "Why can't you ever say something. Just talk,"

"I don't know what to say. And I can't talk to you," she said. Haymitch sat there for a minute and then let out a deep breath.

"What if I make you a deal?" he asked. She looked right at him. she was listening.

"If you try and talk to me, I promise not to laugh. Or make fun of you. Or make some sarcastic comment or roll my eyes. I promise not to get mad at you or yell at you. Or smile. Unless it's a good thing. Does that help?" he asked. She sat there for a few minutes in silence with him.

"I'm confused about everything. And I can't talk because I'm not any good at it. And if I try, it all comes out a mess. Look what happened when we got off the train and he found out the Snow was angry. I couldn't even defend myself because I didn't know how," she sat and curled back up into his chair, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"Ok. So then tell me, what point was Gale trying to prove by kissing you?" he asked. She covered her eyes with her hands.

"We were arguing about me kissing Peeta in the Games…" she trailed off.

"Keep going," he said gently.

"He said if that were him, we wouldn't have been able to fake being in love because I'm not a good actress," she said. She watched Haymitch open his mouth and then shut it. She knew he was about to say something sarcastic.

"I only could have been like that with Peeta, because I care about him,"

"Well, that one was obvious to me sweetheart," he said softly. She looked over at him. "I tried to make you likable. I tried everything with you. I only knew you for a short time, but I knew that if that was anyone else, you would never have held his hand on the chariot," Haymitch told her. Her mouth dropped slightly.

"I knew there was something there between you two. I knew that you've had some type of interaction. I finally got Peeta to admit it. It proved exactly what I thought. He's in love with you, and you have strong feelings for him, but for whatever reason you stuff everything like that inside, that you couldn't even see that you have feelings for him," Haymitch said. Katniss just stared at him.

How could he see that? How could her and Gale see that about her? Haymitch knew nothing about her then. How could he say that to her?...and how did he know what Gale knew? This couldn't really be happening. Those two couldn't be telling her that she was in love with Peeta. That she hadn't been in love with Peeta. Since what, since she was 11 years old? That couldn't possibly be true.

But two people had seen this, without ever talking with each other. Two people had seen this about her. And it made her afraid. She hid her face in her hands and silently cried, hiding from Haymitch.

"For whatever reason sweetheart, you're afraid. It comes out as stubbornness. But I think under all that stubbornness, it's really just from fear. You're afraid to have feelings for someone," Haymitch told her. She crossed her arms to hide her face better.

"And I think you're finally starting to realize it. You haven't admitted it fully. You haven't accepted it. But your walls are slowly crumbling. That's why you're sitting there crying. Stop fighting yourself. Just let the damn wall fall down," Haymitch told her. She snapped her head up to look at him, exposing the tears down her cheeks and the red swollen eyes.

"How? How do I do that? I can't…" she was looking for the right words.

"You can't love someone like that?" Haymitch asked her. "Sweetheart, you already do. You can't stop it. You've been avoiding it since you were 11 and the boy threw you the bread," Haymitch said. Katniss mouth opened a little. Peeta told him?

"You went into those Games to fight for your life. You let your guard down in there. I get it, I told you to so you could get out of there. But you let it down. I know you didn't mean to. He started crawling through that window and you can't shut it. You're struggling to close it and you're just fighting harder. Stop fighting it. You care about him. You've cared about him since you were 11. Accept it that we all know it," Haymitch told her. She closed her eyes. She couldn't open herself up like that. She couldn't.

"Everyone knows it, except Peeta. So, why don't you go over there and talk to him," Haymitch said.

"And say what?" she cried.

"For starters, put him out of his misery and tell him that the kiss meant nothing. To you or Gale. That it wasn't romantic. That it was an argument that apparently, he won," Haymitch said. She scoffed.

"Start with that. Start with it…and see what happens next," Haymitch told her softly. She wiped the tears from her face.

"See? I can be supportive. Now, get the hell out of my house," Haymitch said taking another drink. She nodded and walked out. She walked down to her house and was just about to start on the first step, when she froze.

Was she fighting it? Was she fighting being in love with Peeta? Did he really make his way through the window while it was open for a moment? She dug her fingers into her eyes. One thing was for certain, Haymitch was right. She needed to tell Peeta the truth about the kiss. That it meant nothing.

So, before she could talk herself out of it, she spun around and walked up the steps to Peeta's house and knocked. She waited for a moment and then cringed. Of course, he wasn't awake. It was barely after midnight. How stupid could she be? She couldn't face him. She never could. She spun around and got down the steps when she heard the door open.

"Katniss?" Peeta asked. She stopped and then slowly turned around. He was wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts. She couldn't help but stare at him. "What are you doing here?" he asked tiredly.

"I um…I didn't mean to wake you up. I'll just go," she said and turned around.

"You didn't wake me up. I was in the kitchen making hot chocolate. I couldn't sleep," Peeta said. Katniss turned to look at him. He must have figured out how to make it. It was something that they had tried for the first time in the Capitol.

"Did you want to tell me something?" Peeta asked. She fidgeted around and tried to talk but couldn't.

"Do you want to come inside and have some hot chocolate?" he asked her. That seemed easy. She nodded.

"Yeah. Thank you," Katniss said as she walked back to him and into the house. The inside of Peeta's house looked exactly like hers. Except…his was a little…homier? Her mom made their house homey. But she just felt misplaced. She only felt at home, in her house in the Seam.

"You can have a seat. I'll be right back," Peeta said, and walked into the kitchen.

She took that moment to calm herself. What was she doing here? God what was she supposed to say? Should she just tell him never mind and leave? No, she had to explain about the kiss. She was so torn up knowing that he saw her. God, what did he do when he saw that? She must have broken his heart.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Peeta asked. She startled and stared at him. He was standing above her holding out a mug to her. "I called your name three times. You look really upset," Peeta said. She cleared her throat and took the mug.

"Thank you," she said. She was disappointed when he didn't sit on the couch, but the chair furthest from her. She took a sip of her hot chocolate. It was as good as she remembered it. Even better though. "This is really good," Katniss said.

It was nice and hot, warming her insides. But it couldn't calm her nerves. She made a mistake. She shouldn't have done this.

"Katniss?" Peeta said. she looked up. "Why are you here?" he asked her awkwardly. She fidgeted in her seat. She still couldn't say anything.

"If you're not going to say anything- "

"I didn't want Gale to kiss me," Katniss blurted out. No, that wasn't what she was supposed to say. It was true, she didn't want Gale to kiss her. But that wasn't what she was supposed to say. She looked over at him. He was avoiding her gaze.

"Look, it's none of my business. We're not together. I get it. You don't owe me anything. And you don't have to spare my feelings," Peeta said. He was trying to be mad, but Katniss could hear the pain in his voice. She put her mug on the coffee table and covered her face.

"I'm not good at this. I don't have heart to heart talks. I try and say what I feel, and I screw it all up," she blathered. Peeta watched her as she scrubbed her face.

"He's like my brother. We were arguing and he kissed me to win the freaken argument. It meant nothing. To me AND him. He felt bad that he did it where you could see it," Katniss sped through.

"Brothers don't usually kiss their sister's when their fighting," Peeta said, not looking at her again. He didn't believe her.

"We were arguing about the Games and you and the Capitol. And he's just an idiot. He doesn't feel like that about me I swear. God none of this is coming out right. I freaken told Haymitch I couldn't do this," Katniss said, rubbing her forehead. This was a huge mistake. She couldn't get through this.

"What do you mean you were arguing about me?" Peeta asked. She groaned. She said too much. Why did she say that?

"If I sit here and tell you what we were arguing about, then I have to go back further. And every question leads to another question about why. It's all a damn mess Peeta," she was frustrated. Why did she listen to Haymitch? Why couldn't she just leave it alone.

"Ok…how about you sit there and drink your hot chocolate. Think about the fight and think about where the question would lead. And if you have to ask another question, think about where that led. Think about it until you've come to the end, and start there," Peeta said. Katniss looked up at him.

"I'm not good with words. I'm terrible. I mess everything up that I want to say,"

"Then talk slow and take your time to think," Peeta said. She sat back and did as he asked.

Her and Gale argued about how she couldn't act in love with anyone, except for him. Ok, so now what? She moved backwards and thought about all the questions Gale asked her about Peeta. Ok, so she knew all of that because of the day Peeta threw her the bread. Ok, so how did she get so stubborn about having feelings for someone.

They sat in silence for a while. She had to keep back tracking and going back further to answer questions. Until she finally stopped. It was really simple. The answer was clear. She knew it all along…but she had stuffed her feelings down so far inside of her, she hid the answer to all her problems. She pretended like she didn't know it. She convinced herself that she didn't know the answer. But it was clear. She had to go back far. Before she ever met Peeta.

"My dad really loved me," Katniss said all of a sudden. She wouldn't look up at Peeta. "He's the one who taught me how to hunt in the woods. It didn't matter that we were beyond the fence. He made me feel safe. It didn't matter that we were poor. He always put food on the table," she said. Remembering the feelings of having her dad alive.

"We were happy," she whispered, remembering her life before her dad died. She stuffed memories of that time down inside herself. She hated to think about the past. "My parents were so happy. They were in love…and then he was killed in the Mines. And then everything changed," she said, looking straight ahead, and letting tears fall.

"My mom checked out. She would sit in her rocking chair all day. She wouldn't take care of us. She wouldn't talk to us. I had to take care of Prim. I had to run the house like my dad. I had to feed us, and we were starving," her voice cracked. She never voiced these things out loud. Not even to Gale. It felt foreign on her tongue.

"I was only 11 years old…I didn't know how to take care of the three of us," she admitted, letting tears fall. "I was so angry at her. She sat right there, letting us fend for ourselves. I wasn't happy anymore. I wasn't safe anymore. She loved my father so much, and after he died…I swore that day I would never feel that way about anyone. If I don't love someone, then I can't be hurt by them. And then I can't have kids. Because you can't have kids to watch in the Reaping if you don't have any,"

"We hadn't eaten in 5 days. I was trying to sell some of Prim's old baby clothes. And no one would take them," she cried. Her heart hurt. She had never once talked out loud about this time in her life. It was hard enough thinking about it.

"And I thought I had failed them. I couldn't take care of them. I knew I was going to die. I was soaking wet, digging through trash…and I just fell to the ground. I couldn't get up. I thought I was going to die right there," she cried and covered her eyes.

They sat there for a few minutes again in silence. Katniss gathered up some courage to keep going.

"And then you threw me the bread," she cried covering her face and let a noise escape her throat. "I had completely given up all hope. And you threw me bread. You saved me and you never even knew it. I wanted to die out there. And you saved my life," she cried into her hands.

God the emotions that were pouring out of her. The emotions from her father that she had stuffed down, so she couldn't hurt anymore, were just pouring out of her.

"I always knew what you were doing. I would always sneak glances at you. I would pay attention when you were talking in class. I've gone to every one of your wrestling matches. And I've seen you double knot your shoelaces," she cried. She sounded like an idiot. But the wound was opened. And everything was just spilling out. She had no time to think about what she was saying. She never even realized what she was saying.

"I didn't know I felt anything. Maybe I did somewhere. But I have pushed every emotion down inside me so far…Every year when Effie would call the boys, there were only three boys that I ever begged not to hear. Gale, his brother and yours. I didn't think of it until after I took Prim's place. But I heard your name and all I thought was, 'Not him. Not him',"

"Gale yelled at me that I didn't just kiss you and take care of you just to get us home. If Gale was in the arena, then I couldn't pretend to be in love with him. We wouldn't be able to fake it because we think of each other as brother and sister. And I wouldn't be able to do that with anyone in District 12. He told me I only could do that was because it was with you. And then he kissed me to prove it to me. That I hated it. I couldn't pretend. And then Haymitch saw it all along. They both told me I've always cared about you," she cried into her hands like a total idiot. The emotions were just spewing out of her. She wanted to stop. She was in pain. It killed her to talk about this. She hated feeling this emotion.

"And you made me feel like I did with my dad. You made me feel safe. And I don't know what to do about that," he cried. Her chest hurt from crying. She felt like she would start hyperventilating. But she wouldn't. She didn't want to say anything else. She couldn't because she was humiliated. And she was hurting. She took deep breaths. She ordered herself to stop crying.

She started getting herself under control when she felt the couch dip next to her. She couldn't look up at him. She was too embarrassed. But she felt Peeta put his arm around her back and squeeze her upper arm.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Peeta told her. She looked up at him. He looked sad. But not for himself. For her. That's what he got out of all she blurted out? He was worried about how she grew up. Nothing about himself.

"Your dad was really nice. He always talked to me when he would come to the back door to bring my dad's squirrels," Peeta said. She sniffed and wiped her nose.

"You really remember him?" she asked. He nodded his head. They sat there for a little while in silence.

"Thank you for telling me, "he told her softly. He rubbed her shoulder and ran his hand up to the back of her neck, squeezing it gently. "I understand you a little bit better,"

"I never meant to hurt you," she whispered and looked at her hands in her lap. "When we came home. And when you had picked those flowers for me on the train track…I never meant to hurt you," she babbled, trying to make sense of her words. She wiped at tear streaming down her face.

"I know that. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain it," Peeta told her. But she shook her head.

"I couldn't explain it. I'm so confused. And scared of the Capitol. And scared of my nightmares. And I'm scared about what I feel for you," she couldn't feel anything for him. She couldn't. Years later she was still hurting from her dad being dead. This is why she stuffed those feelings away so she wouldn't have to feel them.

"I get nightmares to," he said softly. She looked up at him then. "That's why I was awake. I had another one," he admitted. They stared at each other a moment, and then he pulled her tighter to him, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Aren't you going to say anything about the rest?" she asked. Why did she just ask that? What possessed her? She was too afraid of what Peeta would say.

"I want to. I have a lot of things to say. But all that can wait till tomorrow. I just wanna take care of you right now," Peeta told her. She sat up and looked at him.

"What?" he wanted to take care of her? He smiled and ran his finger across her cheek, and then cupped it. Sending a warm feeling all over her body. She leaned into his hand a little.

"You take care of everyone. Your mom and your sister. Gale's family. You take care of some of the people in the Seam with trading food and getting them things they need. You take care of Haymitch, and you've taken care of me. So, why don't you try letting someone take care of you for a change," he told her. She just stared at him. The last time someone had taken care of her, it was when her dad was alive.

"I'm sure you don't know how to let anyone take care of you. You've forgotten what it feels like since your dad died," he said gently. How did he know that that was what she was thinking? Her breathing became heavier. She felt like her chest was being crushed. He scooted forward and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's ok Katniss," he whispered.

"I'm so tired," she let out, and then the sobbing instantly started. For five years, her every breathing moment was about taking care of someone else. Keeping everyone alive. She was tired. She just wanted a break. But how? She didn't know how to take a break. She didn't know how to let someone take care of her.

She sobbed into Peeta's arms. And not just soft cries. They were loud, gut-wrenching sobs. The sobs that she had building up since the day her father died. Every moment that she should have cried, came out.

After a while she was all cried out though, after who knows how long, and just sat there, with Peeta's arms wrapped around her. "Come on," Peeta whispered and pulled away from her. She looked up at him, drowsy from crying. She felt herself being scooped up into his arms.

"I'll take care of you," he whispered and carried her upstairs to his bedroom. She held onto his neck and buried her face in his shoulders. She wasn't sure how he was able to pull the covers back and then lay her down. He took her slipper boots off and then got into the bed next to her, covering them both up and pulling her to his chest, stroking her back. She laid her head on his chest and could hear the steady thumping of his heart beating. It soothed her.

She felt it again. That sense of security. She felt safe. Like nothing bad could happen to her while Peeta was here. While Peeta's arms were wrapped around her. But how could she just let herself feel like that? How could she just let her guard down like this? She couldn't. She couldn't get wrapped up in feelings for a boy. She couldn't open herself up to him. She couldn't care for one more person. She couldn'ttake care of one more person. And she knew that if she opened herself up to Peeta, she'd do just that.

"Just let me take care of you Katniss," he whispered and kissed the top of her head. He ran his fingers down her head lightly. How did he know? This was exactly what her father did? Everything Peeta did, was just like her father. She had to fight it. She just had to fight it.

"Stop fighting me Katniss," he whispered. How? Just how. "Just relax. Stop over thinking everything. Just let your mind rest. Just let me take care of you. Let me sooth you to sleep," he whispered to her again. She was losing this battle. She was settling more into him and was loosening her grip on her feelings. She was letting herself feel things for Peeta.

And before she knew what was happening, she was out like a light.

The next morning Katniss felt rested. She felt like she had been sleeping for days. She yawned and started stretching. She looked around was a little confused. This wasn't her bedroom. This was Peeta's bedroom. The night before came rushing back to her. What she told Peeta. She cringed and flopped back down in bed and covered her face with her hands.

How could she do that? Why did she do that? Why did she let Gale get to her? Why did she listen to Haymitch? She couldn't get involved romantically with Peeta. She didn't know how to be involved romantically. She couldn't open that door. She couldn't care about him like that. She had had to shut that door and nail it shut. Push heavy furniture in front of it so there was no way he could get in.

But she was feeling it. She had been feeling this since she was 11 years old and just shoved it down. She had been doing a great job, but then his name was called at the Reaping. That window started cracking open. Every day it had inched open while they were in the Capitol. And then she broke his heart. It opened enough for her to shove her arm through and try to pull him back. And that's when she realized it. That's exactly what was happening!

It wasn't Peeta forcing his way in. She was the one through the window trying to pull him back. And as time went on, the window still kept opening, and she was getting closer and closer to reaching him and pulling him back to her. And after last night…she had caught him and started pulling him. But how close was he now? How much had the window opened? It opened way more last night. She pulled him closer that maybe even his hand was inside. Or maybe it was further and his whole arm was inside. Could he have bent down and started inching his body inside? How far was he inside the window?

One of her hands was still holding on, while the other hand was trying to close it shut again. What was she supposed to do? She needed to push him back! She couldn't pull him through the window. Push him back out Katniss!

"You're awake," she heard Peeta say. She looked up and saw him walking over to her. He put a plate down on his nightstand and sat on the bed. His hip touching her stomach. He reached his arm forward and pushed some hair out of her face. "How'd you sleep?" he asked her. Oh God.

She cleared her throat. "I slept the whole night. I haven't slept through the night since we got home," she admitted. Why did she admit that? She just told herself to push him away. And here she was admitting to him that she slept soundly…because of him.

He smiled and grazed his thumb across her cheek.

"I made you some cheese buns. I don't know if you'll like them or not," Peeta said. He made her breakfast? Run Katniss. RUN!

But she betrayed herself again. She sat up and took the plate he handed her. It smelled heavenly. It was warm to the touch, and she took a bite. Oh! It was so good. It was amazing! It just melted in her mouth. She closed her eyes and savored it.

Peeta smiled and chuckled. "So, you like it then," Peeta said. Katniss opened her eyes.

"This is the best thing I've ever tasted," stop it Katniss.

"Well then, I guess I'll be making a lot of cheese buns," Peeta told her. Katniss nodded, humming in agreement.

"Thank you," she told him. Get out this bed now! Get out of his bed. The realization suddenly happened as she realized she slept in Peeta's bed. It was so intimate. And she had no qualms about it. They sat in silence for a moment.

"You really want to talk, don't you?" Katniss dreaded. He chuckled.

"Well, yes, I do. But you just woke up. The suns barely up. And I suspect you wanna get home before you mom notices you didn't sleep at home last night," Peeta said. Her eyes widened. She forgot about that. Her face making him smile. "And I, have to go to the Bakery. My dad's baked a wedding cake and it's been in the freezer all night. And it's Sunday. You have to go hunting with Gale," Peeta said. Her eyes narrowed a little at the mention of his name. Peeta let out a deep laugh.

"Cut him some slack. I think you're just mad because he was right," Peeta said. Her eyes widened, and then narrowed at him. But it only made Peeta smile bigger.

After she ate her cheese buns, Peeta walked her to the door and opened it for her. They both stood in the doorway, looking at each other.

"Would you come over later on and I can cook you dinner?" Peeta asked. No! Absolutely not. Stop all this crap. This your opportunity. Tell him you made a mistake and be done with Peeta.

But she found herself nodding her head. "Yeah, I will," she heard herself saying. Idiot.

But then she felt warmth all over her body when she saw him smile. He smiled because he would get to spend some time with her. He leaned forward, and she thought he was going to kiss her. He instead he kissed her temple.

"I'll see you tonight," he told her. She walked back to her house. No one was awake yet, so she snuck up to her room. How could she say yes? Why would she say yes? It was stupid! She couldn't let this go any further. She couldn't expose herself like that. She couldn't let someone touch her heart like that. She couldn't fall for Peeta.

But she already did, didn't she? She groaned and fell back into her bed. Terrified.

Peeta was on cloud 9. He was in a dream land while he iced a wedding cake. He replayed the night before, over and over and over and over again. Katniss finally came to him and talked to him. He understood her a little bit better now. She was afraid to care about someone like that. She was confused and scared of how she felt about him. He could understand her now. He understood where she was coming from.

He got it now how it all started. With her father dying. That could change anyone. And it had been so hard on her, having to be the caretaker at only 11 years old. No wonder she stuffed all her feelings inside of her. It made sense that she was afraid.

But what made his smile so bright? The kiss with Gale meant nothing. It wasn't a romantic kiss. It was an argumentative kiss. She felt nothing for him. What she felt for Gale was like a brother and sister. And he felt the same way. He didn't have to fight for her attention. Try to prove that he was better than Gale. Gale wasn't fighting for her.

He just finished the cake when someone was knocking at the back door. He wiped his hands on a towel and opened the door. It was Gale.

"Hey. Let me go get my dad," Peeta said, knowing he was here to trade for a squirrel.

"I actually don't have anything. I was wondering if we could talk," Gale said.

"Yeah sure," Peeta was surprised by that. He followed Gale down the hill a little. There was an old picnic table that they both sat on the top of.

"Listen. I know you saw me kiss Katniss last week. I saw you in the window. And I just wanted you to know, it didn't mean anything," Gale said.

"I know," Peeta told him. Gale's face was priceless. He just stopped and tried to process what he just heard.

"You know?" he clarified. Peeta nodded his head.

"Yes. You were arguing, and you were trying to prove a point that Katniss couldn't have pretended to be romantic with you in the arena," Peeta told him. He chuckled at Gale's mouth slightly falling open.

"She told you? She finally talked to you?" Gale asked.

"Yeah. She came to my house last night. She was kind of a mess. She blurted out a lot of stuff. Things about her dad, and her mom. Taking care of her mom and Prim," Peeta said. Gale shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe she actually listened to me. I told her to freaken talk to you. Right after we met, I noticed her watching you. That's when I caught on that you liked her too," Gale laughed. Now that one surprised him.

"You knew I liked her?" Peeta asked. Gale chuckled.

"You were so obvious. Not to her. She didn't even realize it about herself. I guarantee she can tell you all your wrestling scores," Gale said. Then he snorted. "You two are unbelievably obvious," Gale said, shaking his head. Peeta rubbed his face. Gale knew the entire time that he had a crush on Katniss. And then on top of it, he knew Katniss had a crush on him as well.

"She's having a hard time sleeping. She wakes up from nightmares," Gale said, looking straight ahead. Peeta nodded his head.

"I sleep with my window open. I've heard her. I have them to," Peeta said sadly. Gale looked at him.

"I don't know how to help her. I'm her best friend, and we've always been able to help each other. We've always been able to tell each other anything. But it's so different now. I'm dying inside, because I don't know what to do for her," Gale said. Peeta nodded his head and looked at the ground. He wished he had a best friend like Gale. Sure, Delly was his closest friend. But he could never be that close to Delly, as Katniss was to Gale.

"She's lucky to have you and your family. And her mom and sister. She even has Haymitch. Just be there for her. There's nothing that you can really do but just let her know that you're there," Peeta said, glancing over at the Bakery.

"Your family doesn't support you?" Gale asked. Peeta winced.

"My mom wouldn't let my dad and brothers move into my house. She's really angry at me because she says I humiliated her, because I basically told Panem that she was my dad's only choice, since he loved Katniss' mom and couldn't have her. So, she's kinda disowned me. She doesn't want me around the Bakery, or near my family. Obviously, I ignore that," he scoffed.

"I don't get it. You were in the arena. You came home, when only two people have ever come back to District 12," Peeta shrugged his shoulder and then laughed again. He knew Gale was talking about the tenth Victor.

"I apparently made a fool of myself in there," he repeated his mother. Gale scoffed and shook his head

"Your moms a witch. She's known in the Seam as the witch. You know this right?" Gale asked. Peeta nodded. "I'm sorry," he said. Peeta just nodded his head. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Thank you for bringing her back to me. To her family and mine," Gale said. Peeta looked at him.

"I think she's the one who brought me home," Peeta chuckled.

"You saved her first," Peeta smiled at that. "I don't think I could have done that, just for someone I'd had a crush on since I was five. I could do it for her without blinking an eye…But I don't know how you did it," Gale said, looking over at him. Peeta just shrugged.

"I had to," Peeta answered. There was no other answer. No other reason. He loved her from the moment he laid eyes on her. He was in love with her, and he had to save her. Even if she didn't love him back. He loved her, and that's all that mattered.

Gale interrupted his thoughts when he stood back up. "I'd invite you to go hunting with us some Sunday. But I've already seen you in the woods. You're way too loud and you'd scare away all the game," Gale said. Peeta blushed, and Gale laughed.

"She was pissed off that day you two were hunting. But she couldn't let anyone know how pissed she really was. But it took everything in her not to tie you to a tree just to keep you quiet," Peeta laughed along with Gale.

"It's alright. That's your one day to hang out, so I'm ok with that," Peeta told him. Gale looked at the woods, and then back at him.

"I don't think she's going hunting with me today,"

"Yeah, probably not," Peeta laughed.

"Just do me a favor. Don't tell her I came here and talked to you. I'll never see her on Sunday's ever again," Gale joked. It was probably very true! "You're a good guy Mellark. I'm sorry you're stuck with her stubborn ass," Gale joked. Peeta just smiled. He didn't mind beings stuck with her at all.

"Thanks…You're a really good friend to her. So many people abdoned Haymitch. He told me that a lot of times with Victors, when they come home…they're different. Just be patient with her. She's not the same. None of us are. But just always be there for her," Peeta said. Gale nodded.

"She's my best friend. I'm not going anywhere,"

Katniss wanted to go hunting. She loved hunting on Sundays with Gale. But she refused to talk to him. He kissed her the last time he saw her. Who knew what he'd try to do this time. And she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that she went and talked to Peeta. She wouldn't even have to tell him. He would just know it by the look on her face. Which made her even angrier.

So, she sat around in her house all day. She was bored. She was antsy. And she couldn't stop thinking about Peeta.

She wasn't going over to his house tonight. She couldn't. Last night was nice. But it was the last time. She had to tell him she made a mistake going over to his house. She needed to tell him to move on. That she couldn't and wouldn't ever get involved with him. Or with anyone. He could find comfort in that, knowing that she wasn't choosing someone over him. She was choosing no one.

She'll march right over there and tell him that she was sorry. She was sorry, and he should forget about her. Forget about her and find a sweet girl that deserves his love and devotion.

It was time. She was ready this time. She was prepared. She was confident. She wouldn't think about his feelings. She would say she was sorry. But it was for the best. He would be miserable with her.

She knocked on the door and waited. Just apologize. Give him a hug and go back home. She opened her mouth to say she couldn't stay for dinner, but when he opened the door, no words came out of her mouth.

He had to have showered when he got home, because she knew he always had flour in his hair from working at the Bakery all day. Of course, she knew this because she would watch him come home, through her bedroom window. He was dressed in a simple sparkling blue shirt that made his eyes even bluer, and black slacks. She couldn't form words.

"Hey. You're just in time," Peeta smiled and held the door open. Apologize to him that you can't stay Katniss. Do it right now.

"I can tell you're fighting with yourself about walking in this door," Peeta told her softly. Damnit! How did he know? Do it anyways. Apologize that you can't stay. Say it!

"Come inside and have dinner," he told her softly. She swallowed and nodded her head. Why are you going into his house? You're not supposed to go in Katniss! But she followed him into the kitchen.

"Did you go hunting today?" Peeta asked as he pulled a chair out for her.

"No, I stayed inside," she said and let him push her chair in. She looked up and smiled at him. "Thank you," she said. He smiled back at her and went back to the counter.

"Did you finish the wedding cake?" Katniss asked him.

"Oh yeah. They loved it. The bride and groom are probably feeding pieces to each other right now," he chuckled and brought some bowls to the table and then brought some chicken over and put one on her plate, and then one on his. He brought over a bottle of wine from the fridge.

"Effie sent it to me a couple of weeks ago. I tried it one night and loved it," he said as he poured her a glass, and then himself. He sat down across from her, and she just stared at him. "What?" he chuckled.

"What are we doing?" she asked. The nerves were getting the best of her. She looked around. There was a candle on the table. He cooked her dinner and served wine. Was this a date? It couldn't be a date. She needed to get out of here. She could feel herself start to sweat and panic.

"We're eating dinner. So, why don't you stop over thinking everything, and take a sip of wine and stop all that anxiety that you have," Peeta said as he scooped some mashed potatoes on to her plate. She just stared at him, and he just laughed. She did as he asked and took a sip of wine.

"So, how come you didn't go hunting today?" Peeta asked. Katniss cleared her throat and shook her head.

"I took the day off," Katniss lied. But he didn't have to know that. She already embarrassed herself in front of Peeta enough for one day. She didn't need to tell him that she was angry at Gale and refused to go hunting with him today because she was still angry at him.

"That's a shame. My dad always looks forward to you and Gale trading squirrels with him," Peeta said. Katniss took a bite of her chicken and stopped. It was like with the cheese bun this morning. What he had cooked was divine. She closed her eyes and savored it.

"I had no idea you could cook like this," Katniss said. Peeta chuckled.

"Well, I always liked to. It's fun for me. I had a little bit more to play with than most families. But it wasn't until now that I could really cook anything I want. Effie sent me a bunch of cookbooks. I make something different each night," Peeta told her.

"It's really good. I wouldn't be able to do this in my kitchen," Katniss said.

"If you can read, you can cook," Peeta said. Katniss snorted and chuckled.

"That is not the truth. Prim hates if I try to cook something. Simple things I'm good with. But I'm literally not allowed to cook anything good," Katniss said. Peeta laughed at her.

"I really enjoy when Prim comes over and talks to me. She's helped me bake some cookies a few times. It's fun seeing her get so excited about eating a cookie," Peeta said. Katniss smiled.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I love when she smiles. I live for it," she admitted. It was something that she had never admitted before.

"I loved when you would walk by the Bakery with her, and she'd peek in through the glass to look at the cakes. She has such a beautiful smile. Just like her sister," Peeta told her. Katniss blushed and looked down at her food

"It's true. When you aren't scowling at me," Peeta chuckled. She looked back up and scowled. He took a sip of his wine.

"I hear you're getting to design your own clothing line, realizing your true passion," Peeta chuckled. She rolled her eyes and sat back.

"Showing a talent is one of the stupidest things I've ever had to do. Effie sent a whole list of garbage things for me to do. I can't do any of them. Thank God for Cinna," Katniss breathed.

"Yeah, Portia told me that. But she said she's seen some of your work. Breathtaking. You really have an eye for fashion," Peeta told her. Katniss just laughed.

"Thank you. Cinna is truly my fashion mentor. I'm so glad he's been able to help me fulfill my dream," Katniss said dramatically. Peeta laughed loudly. She loved the sound of his laugh. This wasn't bad. She could have a nice conversation with him that was light and funny.

"I heard you actually do have a talent. You've been painting," Katniss said.

"Yeah, I love it. Effie's sent me too much to work with. I never had the opportunity to use a canvas before. I get so into painting that I just forget the world around me sometimes," Peeta told her.

"Can I see them?" Katniss asked shyly. Peeta fidgeted around and cleared his throat. Her heart dropped. He didn't want her to see his paintings.

"Yeah. Of course, you can. But not tonight. Can we do it another day? Tomorrow even?" he asked hopefully. What was he hiding?

"Sure…is there something wrong with me seeing them?" she asked quietly. Avoiding his gaze.

"No, not at all. It's just…you don't want to see some of the paintings I do. Just trust me. I'll go in before you come over and turn those one's around. Just trust me," he repeated. Katniss looked up at him. She saw the sincerity on his face. She wondered if he had painted the Games, and he didn't want her to see them. So, she nodded her head.

"Ok," she said and smiled. It was nice having dinner with him. She smiled and laughed and ignored any conversation with her head. And then he brought out cupcakes for dessert. They were Heaven. Then he made her some hot chocolate and they sat on the couch, on opposite sides. She knew he wanted to talk. She didn't know how she was going to talk. Everything came out as a jumbled mess last night.

"Can I tell you something?" Peeta asked. Katniss nodded her head. "I don't want to rush you into anything," Peeta said. She looked up at him oddly.

"I mean…I have feelings for you. And you admitted that you have feelings for me to. But I have this feeling that you think if you open up that window to me, then we have to get married tonight and start a family. And we don't have to do that," Peeta said.

Open up that window? How does he know her so well. It was frustrating how he seemed to know her already. It was frustrating how not only Peeta, but Gale and Haymitch knew so much about her. Was she really that obvious? How? What did she do?

"I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to be with you. Because I do. I meant everything I said in the arena, and when we got out. I really thought that we were going to be together when we came home," Peeta said sadly as he looked down at his hands. She broke his heart. He picked her flowers, and she ripped out his heart and stomped all over it. Breaking it into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I know. You told me that. Now I understand why you did it. You don't have to be sorry," Peeta told her. He put his mug on the table and scooted over to her. He took her mug and set it down as well and picked up her hands.

"Katniss…I've loved you since I was 5 years old. You're it for me. Nothing's ever going to change that," Peeta told her. See, she shouldn't have come here. She should have stayed away. God he's gonna want to be a couple. No, no, no. She was pushing him back out the window. She was starting to shut it. She needed to shut it.

She started breathing heavier and tried to pull her hands away, but Peeta held on tightly.

"We can go really slow. We can take our time and get to know each other. We can just be friends," Peeta said. She shook her head.

"God I shouldn't have done this. I can't care about another person," she cried as she yanked her hands away and covered her face.

"This is why I shouldn't have come here," She cried and stood up. "I should have left you alone. I didn't mean to hurt you. And I didn't mean to do it again," she sobbed. Oh God. The devastation on his face. She covered her own.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't mean to do this again," Katniss said as she turned around and went running to the door. She was just about to get there when she felt strong arms wrap around her and pull her back against a hard chest.

"Katniss please stop fighting me," he said and spun her around. "I'm not rushing you into anything I swear. I won't try and kiss you or hold your hand. I won't share my feelings. I promise. We can really be friends. Just don't shut me out again," he whispered. She closed her eyes, letting tears cascade down her cheeks.

"I hate just ignoring each other. So please stop doing it," Peeta said and hugged her tightly to him. She cried into his chest.

"I never wanted to hurt you," she admitted.

"I know you didn't. I know you're scared. But you don't have to be scared. Not of me. I just can't go on knowing you hate me like that, and you hate what I represent. It's killing me," Peeta told her. That broke her heart even more to hear him say that. She didn't hate him. How could he think that she hated him?

Well, she basically told him it was all a lie when they got off the train. Then she avoided him. Then she came to his house and said she has feelings for him and has had feelings for him since she was 11 years old. And now she basically said she wanted nothing to do with him. And she's really asking herself why he thinks she hates him? She had to go.

She picked her head up and pushed him. "Please just let me go," she sobbed and pushed at his chest. She stood there and stared at him. He was so hurt. He was so distraught.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I won't do this again to you. I promise. I'm sorry," she sobbed and spun around, yanking the door open and running out the door to her house. She ran up the stairs and into her room, slamming the door. She grabbed a pillow from her bed and went into her closet, shutting the door. She sat down in the corner and put the pillow on the floor. She buried her face in it and screamed as loud as she could. Over and over again.

His face. Oh God. His face. He was shattered. How? Why? It was wrong. So, so wrong of her. It was mean and cruel. Why did she listen to Gale? Why did she listen to Haymitch? This was all their fault. She never should have let them get inside her head. She never should have listened to them.

She opened her closet door and saw the time. Gale should just be going to sleep to wake up early to go to work tomorrow. She'd let him have it. This was all his fault. He started this mess.

She ran back down the stairs and flew out of the house, making sure not to look up at his house. She ran as fast as she could. She could feel the pain in her side. Her chest hurt. But she kept on running till she got to his house. He was outside his house, and he looked up and saw her.

"Katniss? What are you- "Gale never got to finish the sentence, because Katniss punched him in the face. Gale wasn't expecting it, so he went flying backwards. "What the- "

"This is all your fault. You kept telling me to go talk to him. You kept shoving it down my throat that I was in love with him. I finally told him and what happened? I broke his damn heart. And it's all your fault," she sobbed. Gale stood back up and rubbed his jaw.

"Alright, just calm down. What happened?" Gale asked.

"I just told you. I went over there last night. I told him everything. And then tonight he said he had feelings for me. And we could start out as friends. And I told him that we can't. I broke his heart and it's your fault," she sobbed and hit him in the chest.

"You kept telling me that I've had feelings for him since I was 11 years old. That I always cared about him. Well, I freaken told him. He said he wanted to take it slow and start out as friends. And I had to break his heart. I did it again. I wouldn't have done it again if you hadn't of pushed me," she yelled.

"Katniss will you stop it. Since you were 11? Why 11 years old? And why can't you be friends with him?" Gale asked her. She stood there, panting. Why couldn't they? Because she couldn't get involved with someone. Being romantically involved with someone leads to marriage. Marriage leads to babies. And babies, Victors babies, leads to being sent into the Hunger Games.

"Let me guess. Your whole stupid mantra of you're never getting married because you don't want kids," Gale said, bored.

"That's not a stupid reason. If Peeta and I ever had babies, they would go into the arena for sure. Snow would make sure that they never stand a chance. He'd make sure they'd die in the arena because I embarrassed the Capitol with the berries," she sobbed.

"Katniss what are you talking about?" Gale asked her, trying to take a step forward towards her. She shoved him back.

"NO! It's all your fault. You didn't see his face after what I did. You made me break his heart," Katniss said and spun around and turned away. She wasn't done yet though. She ran right back into the Victor's Village and stormed into Haymitch's house.

"Nice to see you sweetheart." Haymitch asked. He put a liquor bottle up to his lips, when she snatched it away and threw the bottle against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? DON'T YOU EVER THROW MY LIQUOR AWAY!" Haymitch yelled at her.

"You. It's all your fault. You told me to put him out of his misery. You told me to talk to him. You told me I loved him, and I was just stubborn. To care about him. You told me I've loved him since I was 11 years old. You pushed me. You pushed me to break his heart again. He's hurt all over again because of me. I hurt him worse this time. And it's because of you. You should have told him yourself that when Gale kissed me, it meant nothing. It shouldn't have come from me. It's all your fault," She cried out to him. Haymitch held his head in his hands.

"What the hell are you babbling about?" Haymitch asked as he looked up. "What did you do to him?" Haymitch asked. She just stared at him. Haymitch glared at her and pointed his finger at her.

"Don't you dare blame me for your fuck ups. I gave you advice, and whatever you did, don't you dare put it on me. You did something. Now, you'll stay away from him," Haymitch told her. Katniss stood as still as a statue.

"You stay away from him. You've done enough fucking damage to him. I never would have told you to go talk to him if I knew you'd do something terrible. Get the hell out of my house," Haymitch ordered her.

He walked to the door and stormed out, leaving the door open for her. She watched as he stomped his way over to Peeta's. Swaying a tad bit. He knocked on Peeta's front door. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. He pounded louder.

"It's Haymitch! Let me in!" Haymitch called out. Katniss just made out Peeta opening the door. Peeta must have seen her because he disappeared again. Haymitch glared at her and went into the house, slamming the door.

Katniss went running back into her house and up the stairs.

"Katniss what's going on?" her mother called out. That was the second time that night that Katniss had run upstairs. She hid in her closet and cried into her pillow again. How could she do that again? How could she just have made this even worse? How did she let this happen?

"I told her to stay away from you," Haymitch told Peeta. Haymitch was sitting on the couch, and Peeta was sitting in his chair, leaning over on his knees, and his head in his hands.

"I don't know why she even bothered to come over. I haven't spoken to her for three months. I haven't made anything uncomfortable or difficult. Why did she come over and say anything if she didn't even want to be friends?" Peeta asked.

"Because she's a damn fool," Haymitch told him.

"Please don't call her that," Peeta said miserably.

"Why are you defending her? Don't defend her. She's the one in the wrong here," Haymitch told him. Peeta couldn't pick his head up. He couldn't look at Haymitch. He was pathetic. He was sitting there crying over her. Like a big freaken baby.

"I'm sorry Peeta. I sent her over here. I should have known she'd fuck it up. I'm sorry," Haymitch said again. Peeta shook his head.

"It's ok Haymitch. Thank you. I appreciate it. Do you mind if I just go to sleep?" Peeta asked. Haymitch stood up and put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"You're a good man Peeta. You deserve a lot more than what she gave you," Haymitch said and walked out the door. Peeta started crying into his hands.

He thought he could build something with her. He was ok with starting slow. Starting out as friends. He could do that. He wanted to do that. He wanted to get to know her. She sat on the couch and admitted that she had feelings for him. Since he gave her the bread. She had feelings for him. She had been watching him. He made her feel safe. The only person who ever made her feel safe was her father, and now him. She thought of him every Reaping day. She only could pretend to be in love in the arena becauseshe had feelings for him.

She came over and laid out everything for him. She slept in his bed. He groaned. She slept in his bed. He held her all night. He made her dinner. He had her on a date. And she said she couldn't do it. She couldn't be with him. She couldn't even be his friend. She just ran out on him. This hurt worse. It was like she teased him. I care about you Peeta. I've always cared about you. I have the same feelings for you, that you do for me. But I want nothing to do with you. We can't be together. We can't even be friends.

She just stomped on his heart. Again. But this time…it was a million times worse.

Katniss laid in bed that night, trying to figure out how she could have done things differently. How that day on the train when they left the Capitol could have been different. She thought back to her time with him that day.

As soon as the train was out of sight of the Capitol, Katniss and Peeta stopped waving out the window. He didn't let go of her hand but led her to the back of the train to sit on the couch. She was looking out the window and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple.

"I can't wait to get you home," Peeta said. He sounded so sincere, and she leaned back into him and closed her eyes for a moment. Just to pretend that all was right in the world. He was constantly touching her while they sat there for a while, and then went to the table to eat lunch with everyone.

His hand was either on her shoulder or pushing some of her hair back. He held her hand under the table, or even just had his hand on her knee. He couldn't stop touching her. And she didn't dislike it. She just needed his touch. She needed him to just be there.

They had been sitting at the table to a while, listening to Effie rattle on and on, when Katniss let out a yawn. She felt Peeta's hand shake her shoulder.

"Come on Katniss, you're exhausted. Let's get you to bed. You can take a nap before dinner," he whispered into her ear. She nodded her head, and let him leads her down to his room.

Once they were in his room, he turned around and took her hands and then rested his forehead against hers. "I always wished for one thing growing up. To be with you…then as soon as my name was called, I vowed to save you. To keep you alive…I'm thanking God right now that both came true,"

His words were fuzzy to her. "Come on sweetheart," he led her over to his bed and laid down. She curled up with her head on his chest.

It all seemed so easy then. They woke up an hour later. She was too uneasy to fall asleep for too long. And then they went out onto the train track, and she lost him. She laid in her bed just dreaming about what if she hadn't broken his heart on the train track. What if she had followed her feelings? What if she had never told Peeta it was an act?

These were her last thoughts as she fell asleep.

It was their first night in their new homes. The first time she would sleep in this new bed. A Victor's bed. She was restless though. She was exhausted, but she couldn't bring herself to sleep. Every time she felt herself falling to sleep, she'd shake herself away.

She heard something suddenly and looked at her window. She heard a tap and sat up. She waited a moment and it happened again. Something was hitting her window. She crossed to her window and looked down. It was Peeta! He was throwing rocks at her window.

He waved her down. He wanted to see her. She nodded her head and grabbed her slipped boots and snuck downstairs and quietly out the door. As soon as she stepped off her porch, Peeta pulled her to his chest and was hugging her tightly. He was shaking and breathing heavily.

"Peeta are you all right?" she asked.

"I just had to hold you for a minute. I had this terrible nightmare. I needed to see you and make sure you were really still here," he said sadly into her hair, and then kissed her neck. The feeling sent shivers down her whole body.

"I haven't slept either," she admitted sadly. Peeta pulled back and looked at her. Tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Stay the night with me tonight, Katniss. Let me just hold you in my arms. I can't sleep without you," he pleaded as he wrapped his arms around her. But something wasn't right about this good feeling. Something didn't feel right. She just stared at him and starts breathing heavily. Peeta's eyes widen in alarm.

"Katniss what's wrong. Please, tell me," he asked her frantically.

"I'm…I'm just so confused. What are we doing?" she covered her face with her hands. "The Capitols so angry with us about the stunt with the berries. Haymitch's been telling me what to do since we got out of the arena, but I'm so exhausted and I just don't know what we're doing,"

"Katniss what are you talking about? What stunt-Haymitch telling you how to act. What are you talking about?" he asks her. She looks up at him, and starts to wonder if he knew that this was an act? Her eyes well up with tears.

"All I wanted to do was save you. They turned our relationship into this be romantic star-crossed lovers. They don't even let us decide. They don't give me a chance to sort out my feelings towards you. They couldn't just let us save each other because we DO care about each other. They twisted what we did. And I don't know what was for the cameras and what was for us," she admitted. Oh no, this wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to go the right way. She was hurting him all over again.

Even though she's crying, Peeta doesn't comfort her. He stares at her and takes a step back.

"Sort out your…for the cameras?…we're you faking it?" he whispers. And she let that sob escape her throat. No, she couldn't lose him. She couldn't mess this up. She had to fix this.

"I don't know what you did for the cameras and I don't know what I did either," she covered her face again. This was supposed to be right. This was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to be with Peeta this time. "I'm so confused," she cried.

"You…you kissed me…and told me you couldn't imagine life without me. And you didn't mean it," her head snapped up and looked at him. He was so hurt. So devastated.

"No Peeta- "

"You let me believe that…we'd be together. And you were lying the whole time?" he asked her. He took a step back again and turned around and slowly started walking back into his house. NO! She couldn't lose him again.

"Peeta please don't go. Please let me explain- "she tried to hold onto him, but he was slipping through her fingers. Like he was smoke.

"I don't want you to explain anymore. Don't worry about me. I won't bother you. Ever again,"

She sat up straight in bed. Even in her dreams, she still lost him. Every time!

The next Sunday, Katniss still wasn't hunting with Gale. But Gale went to Peeta's back door at the Bakery. Peeta opened the door. "Hey. I can go get my dad for you," Peeta said warily.

"I don't have any squirrels again. I wanted to talk to you," Gale said. Peeta nodded his head, and they walked down to the picnic tables. "What happened? She came over the other night and punched me. She said it's all my fault that she broke your heart. What happened?" Gale asked him. He quietly scoffed.

"She must have run over to Haymitch's house right after that. She blamed him to," Peeta said sadly. He kicked at some rocks on the ground. "She came over for dinner. I said I wanted to start out as friends. She started crying. Said we can't be friends, and ran out the door," Peeta told him. He was pathetic.

"Oh my God," Gale groaned. "She's mentally insane. Dude, I'm so sorry. If I knew she was gonna do this to you, I wouldn't have started in on her about talking to you. I encouraged her. I pushed her too far. I'm really sorry," Gale told him. Peeta crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Haymitch apologized to. But it's not your fault…she just…she thinks she feels the same way. But she really doesn't. If she did, we'd be together right now. I just have to get it through my damn head that it can never work between us. And it's never gonna happen between us," he scoffed again. Could he sound anymore pathetic?

You just got your heart stomped on. It literally felt like someone had hit him in the chest. He was a wounded little puppy.

"Don't say that. I know her. She's my best friend. She's stubborn as hell. She's gonna put you-not just you. She'll put herself, and all of us through hell. She just has to get it through her head that's it's ok to be with you," Gale said. But Peeta shook his head.

"I don't…I can't. I need to just…get over it. I have to. I need to. I can't go on like this," Peeta said and looked back at the Bakery.

"I have to get back. But I really appreciate you helping me. She's lucky to have a best friend like you," Peeta told him. Gale huffed.

"I'm sorry Peeta," he nodded his head and walked back to the Bakery.

Another month had gone by. Katniss had been avoiding Peeta as much as she could. Not just Peeta. But Gale and Haymitch as well. She knew Peeta left early for the Bakery each morning, and she'd wait until she knew he was gone before she left to go hunting. And she'd get back before he came home. He would get home any time after 5:00. She refused to look out the window and wait for him. Other than going hunting, and then going around town and to the Hob to make trades, she wouldn't leave her house.

The only time she had to avoid Gale was on Sundays. That was easy. She stayed inside, and he didn't come over.

Haymitch was a lot easier. The only time he ever came out of his house was to go out and get food and liquor. She all but ran out of the Hob the day he came in.

She went over what happened with Peeta every day. Over and over again. She was a cruel, selfish manipulative person. She wished Peeta would just come over and yell at her. But that would make her feel better. Him avoiding her, knowing that he would never yell at her made it worse. It shouldn't be easier for her. She did this. She broke his heart.

Every time she thought about breaking his heart, she cried.

One Sunday she sat on her back porch. It was getting colder outside. Once it snowed, it would make it a lot harder to hunt. She let out a deep breath. Today was a perfect day for hunting. She missed Gale. But ever since the Hunger Games, she wasn't the same. He tried to be there for her, but they both knew there was nothing he could do. And she was still mad at him. She wouldn't give in. He deserved the fact that she was ignoring him.

"Long time no see stranger," Gale said as he walked up to her porch, startling her. Gale was like her; he could sneak up quietly just like she could. Had she been listening; she would have heard him. But she was so lost in thought. Lost in miserable thoughts about Peeta.

"What are you doing here?" she asked miserably, looking at her hands.

"I was wondering when my best friend was gonna come hunting with me again. I miss you Catnip," Gale said as he sat next to her. She looked away.

"I won't mention him again. I promise," Gale told her. They sat in silence for a few minutes before she stood up.

"Let's go check the snare lines," she said. Gale smiled and nodded as they started walking. It was awkward between them. They started walking through the meadow, and Gale put his arm around her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Katniss," Gale said. She nodded her head and sniffed, hoping he thought it was because she was cold. But that she was trying not to cry.

They had a nice day while they hunted. They laughed about stupid things. They joked. It was nice. It was easy for Katniss. She hadn't laughed in a month.

Later that night though she had a nightmare.

She was running through the woods and the mutts were chasing her. They were calling her.

"Katnisssssss," they hissed. She got to the cornucopia and threw her bow up.

"Peeta help me," she said when she saw him squat down over the edge. He stared at her.

"So you can shatter my heart into a million pieces? You can use me and lie to me? And you want me to help you?" The mutts were getting closer, and she held up her hand to him.

"Please Peeta, I can't get up. Please help me," she pleaded. He stood up.

"Do it yourself," Peeta snarled at her as the mutts caught up to her.

She sat up, screaming. She looked frantically around her room. She grabbed a sweater and ran down the stairs and pushed her feet into her boots. She opened the front door and sat on the stairs of her porch, panting.

"It was just a dream," she whispered quietly. Her body broke out into a cold sweat when she woke up, and now she felt like she had icey-hot all over her body.

"Nightmare?" Haymitch startled her. He sat down next to her. Oh no. What was he going to say to her now? She didn't know if she was mentally prepared to handle it.

"I thought you were angry with me," she whispered to him.

"I am. But you had a nightmare. So, I have to put my feelings aside. It's what Victors do," Haymitch said. She stared at him. Surprised. He took a sip of his liquor. Did he actually care about her? She knew Peeta was his favorite, and he was angry at her, but it sounded like he still cared about her.

"How's Peeta?" she asked him before she could stop herself. She cringed.

"No!" Haymitch said sternly, startling her for a moment.

"You don't get to ask about Peeta. You lost that right. We're never going to talk about Peeta unless we have to. So, don't ever mention Peeta's name to me again," Haymitch said. She nodded her head and looked away.

"Someone like you doesn't deserve someone like him," Haymitch said. She covered her face with her hands and started to cry.

"He would make any girl happy. But he's stuck on you. And you're a terrible human being who doesn't deserve him. He could do so much better," Haymitch told her. His words were killing every inch of her soul. But it was all true. And she deserved to hear it. But she deserved so much more than just that.

"Don't you think I know all that?" she sobbed. She dug her fingers into her eyes. "You don't have to say any of that to me. It's all I think about. But I didn't plan for this to happen. It just- "

"Happened?" he demanded. Katniss put her head down again and he snorted.

"You can come back to me when you have another nightmare," he said and walked off. Leaving her to cry on her front porch. Alone. Exactly how it should be.

"I thought you overslept or something," Gale said as Katniss came out of the house. She was late. But she had to wait for Peeta to leave.

"Sorry," she mumbled as they started walking out of the Victors Village. As they went through the arch way, Peeta ran into him. Katniss gasped. Peeta looked terrible. He was pale and his face was sunken in. It was the first time she had seen him in two months.

"Hey. Are you feeling ok?" Gale asked. Peeta took a step back and turned his body, putting his arm up to his mouth to cover that he was coughing. He was sick. She wanted to take care of him! She shoved that feeling down. She couldn't take care of him.

"I have the flu that's going around. I just went to the store to get a couple of things," Peeta said. His voice was hoarse. He turned again and started coughing again. She had this overwhelming need to bring him back inside and nurse him back to health. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

"You need to get back inside. That sounds worse than the flu," Gale said. Gale was right. His cough sounded scary. But Peeta shook his head.

"I'm sure I'm fine," Peeta said, looking anywhere but at her. He was trying to pretend like she wasn't there. That the mere sight of her didn't sicken him. Well, you deserved that. You did that to him.

"You should go see Katniss' mom. Or have her make some of her chicken soup. It really helps. Right Katniss? She could bring some over for you," Gale said. Katniss stood as still as a statue. Peeta looked up at her finally. Devastation in his eyes. He looked back down and shook his head.

"Thank you. But I don't want anything from her," Peeta said sadly, and walked around them back into his house, coughing the whole way.

"You gotta tell your mom. That cough sounds worse than the flu. It sounds like bronchitis. He could catch pneumonia," Gale said. Katniss just stood there. Frozen to the bone, as tears just fell down her face. Gale rubbed her arm.

"I'll just go hunting by myself. Why don't you have your mom check him out," Gale told her. She nodded her head and turned around, wiping tears.

Her mom went over and checked him out of course. He had bronchitis.

"It's really bad Katniss. He has a high fever. And he's been throwing up. He bought some cream that he rubbed into his chest to try and make it easier to breathe. But he needs a breathing treatment," she said as she pulled a little machine out. Prim had gotten sick last month, and Katniss asked Effie to send her one of those. A nebulizer.

Her mom spent the next couple of hours making chicken soup. It was almost done when someone from the Seam came by. His wife was in labor, so her and Prim left. She didn't know how long they'd be. So, it was up to her to bring the soup over.

How could she be the one to bring him soup? She was sure he wouldn't accept it. He wanted nothing to do with her. He even told Gale, that he didn't want anything from her. The her wasn't her mother. The her was Katniss.

Her nerves were killing her. She was shaking on his porch, but it wasn't from the cold. She knocked on his door, but there was no answer. She knocked for a couple of minutes before she let herself in. "Peeta?" she called out. The house was quiet.

"Peeta. My mom made chicken soup," she told him. He wasn't in the kitchen. She put the soup on the table and walked up the stairs. "Peeta?" she called out again to him. She slowly walk over to his room and peaked her head in. Peeta was in his bed, shivering. Sweat dripping from his forehead.

He looked like he did when he was dying in the cave. Stop that right now! He's not dying. He's just sick…he's really sick. She put her hand on his forehead. He was burning up. She went downstairs and stoked the fire a little to get it warmer in there. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl and came back up. She filled it with cold water and came back with a washcloth. She sat the bowl on his nightstand and sat on his bed.

She wiped at his face with the washcloth. She wiped down his arms and pulled the blanket down and wiped his legs. She did this for a while. But his fever wouldn't break. He was in and out of sleep, but he wasn't aware that she was there. She got him to eat a bowl of soup. She looked outside and realized it was snowing. The lights in her house were still off. Her mom would probably be there all night.

She took the cream that he got. She could smell the menthol. And she rubbed it over his chest. He moaned softly in his sleep. Twice she gave him a breathing treatment, to dry and break up what was in his chest. The coughing killed her to listen to. He had been coughing so much, that she knew his throat was killing him.

Every chance she could, she got him to drink some water. She went up and down the stairs, bringing him tea. She'd get a sip or two out of him before the tea turned cold again. So, she'd go back downstairs to get him more hot tea. The kind her mother makes. With ginger, lemon and honey.

She went back to Peeta and tried cooling him down again. She did this repeatedly. She looked at the clock and realized it was 5:00 am. His fever still hadn't broken.

"Katniss," she heard Peeta whisper. She gulped. He was dreaming about her.

"Please come back. I'm sorry," he whispered. That did it. The tears were streaming down her face. Why was he apologizing?

"Katniss…please don't leave me," he begged her in his sleep. She sat closer to him and ran her hand over his cheek.

"Shhh Peeta. I'm right here. It's ok," she choked out softly. He let out a puff of air and went back to sleep.

Why did she do this to him? What was wrong with her? Why was she so scared? Couldn't she just let him in? She regretted leaving him again. She wanted to stay in this house forever with him. She didn't want to walk out that door alone. She wanted him to come with her.

Her mom came over the next morning to check on him. His cough was terrible. She was able to sit him up to give him medicine and a fourth breathing treatment.

"Is he gonna be ok?" Katniss asked, worried.

"He'll be fine. We just need to make sure he doesn't get worse. You should keep staying with him. His fever hasn't broken yet," her mother said. Katniss kept on using cold water to cool him down. She stayed with him over night again. All day he was still sick, but if she wasn't mistaken, his cough was starting to slowly sound better. Around midnight she could see that his fever had finally broken, thank God.

She still helped him with a couple breathing treatments through the night and gave him as much water as he could handle. Throughout the two days that she spent with him; he had constantly been calling out for her. She tried to soothe him, but it didn't really work.

She finally ended up falling asleep, sitting against the wall curled up on his bed, facing him. She used one of his blankets to wrap around her. It smelled like him.

She felt him moving around in the morning, and the movement woke her up. "Hey, are you awake?" she asked as she shook his ankle. Peeta turned his head and saw her. He was looking at her. Like, really looking at her. Katniss gulped. She uncurled herself and walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down. She went to feel his head, but he scooted away.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered. She looked down at her hands. That rejection was awful. This is what it felt like to be rejected? Oh God, and she had done this to him? Over and over again.

"You've been really out of it for two days. I took care of you. I gave you chicken soup. And water. And hot tea. I was trying to cool you down and break your fever. And I rubbed that menthol cream on your chest. And my mother has a nebulizer. I've been giving you breathing treatments every couple of hours," Katniss babbled.

"I've been here for almost three days making sure you were ok," Katniss whispered. She stared at her hands. "Peeta I'm-"

"Don't," he told her. She looked up at him. Peeta wouldn't let her apologize to him. He rolled away from her, facing the wall. "Please just leave Katniss," he whispered sadly. She sat there, stunned. He was pushing her away. She knows she deserved it. She deserved everything. But it still hurt. She cleared her throat.

"I can just show you how to use the nebuliz-"

"I'm sure your mom can show me. Please Katniss. Just go…and please…don't come back," he said pitifully. Katniss couldn't control the sob that came out of her throat. It was loud, and awful. But she deserved it. She stood up and walked to the door, stopping in the doorway.

"You just needed someone to take care of you," she choked out. She went back to her house and sent her mother over to his house.

She wanted him to talk to her. But what did she expect? He's never going to forgive her. He can't even look at her. They could have been friends right now. They could be friends, and she ruined it.

Snow had come to her house! He came to her house and threatened her. Threatened her, her family, Gale and his family, Peeta's and Haymitch. She had to convince him, that she was in love with Peeta. She had to subdue the uprisings in the Districts. And he knew about hunting with Gale every Sunday. He caught them kissing on camera. She tried to explain that it wasn't romantic. They were fighting. But Snow didn't believe it.

Who was she supposed to tell? What was she supposed to do? She needed Haymitch. He had to help her.

When the cameras started rolling, her and Peeta smiled and ran towards each other. Peeta slipped and she landed on top of him. They stared at each other, and they kissed. His lips were so soft. She missed those lips. She missed the arms that were wrapped around her.

They stood back up, and it was Heaven to be this close to him again. But as soon as the cameras shut off, he moved away.

"Nice acting," he told her. She cleared her throat.

"Yeah, you to," she said awkwardly.

"Almost seemed like that kiss was real. But we're not even so much as friends. So, how can it be?" he asked. He walked away before giving her a chance to respond.

They all sat at the table while Effie rattled on and on about schedules and plans to tour the Districts. Massages and parties and lots of food. And to enjoy it because we earned it.

Her world was spinning. Her blood was boiling. She slammed her hand down on the table.

"NOBODY CARES EFFIE!" Katniss screamed. Everyone was staring at her. "We had to kill people to get here. Peeta took a damn sword to his leg for me. He almost died in a God damned cave. He had blood poisoning. I had to humiliate both of us since the moment I found him. Do not tell me we deserve it. Because we never should have been there in the first place. And the only one who got hurt was hi-"she stopped. She covered her mouth. Peeta was the one that got hurt.

She wasn't going to sit here and let everyone see her cry. She burst out of the dining cart. She went the opposite way of her room because the way to her room was blocked by everyone else. But she needed to get away as easily as she could. She ended up in the very back of the train and collapsed onto the couch. She ordered herself to stop crying. She didn't get to cry. She had never been a crier. She crushed Peeta. She doesn't deserve to feel sad. She doesn't deserve to cry.

She heard the door open. Freaken Haymitch coming to tell her how awful of a person she was-still is.

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now. I'll just apologize to Effie later," she told him. He sat down and she glared at him, but then stopped. It was Peeta. Her breath caught in her throat. He let out a deep breath.

"You don't have to apologize to anyone…even me," he said. Her mouth fell open. She didn't have to apologize? Of course, she did. She was terrible to him. She was cruel and selfish. There was no apology big enough, or worth enough that could be given to him. "And…I just really can't stomach another apology," he admitted. How could she have done this to him. How much did she really break Peeta?

"I can't hold you accountable for anything you said in the Games. Or after. It's traumatizing to a Victor. And you saved us…I know that. But I just can't go on, acting for the cameras, and just ignoring each other in real life…I just can't handle that roller coaster anymore. So, maybe if you stop looking at me like I'm wounded…Then I'll quit acting like it. And we can just stop avoiding each other. We can be civil and talk. No expectations, no obligations." Peeta said, looking down at the floor. He thought he was an obligation to her? No, that wasn't true at all. Katniss cleared her throat.

"I...we um…we could be friends Peeta," she whispered. He looked up at her in shock. "I know you already asked- "

"I don't think being friends is in the cards for us Katniss. I don't think it'll ever be…but we don't have to be awkward around each anymore. And we don't have to make it awkward for anyone else anymore," Peeta said and stood up and started walking away.

"I heard that you paint," Katniss blurted out. She cringed. He already knew that. He was going to show them to her…before she ruined it for them. Peeta stopped but didn't turn around. "I…can I see them now?" Katniss asked. He put his head down.

"All of them are in the room next to Portia's. You can go see them any time you'd like," he said and walked out of the room.

Why didn't she just say yes to being friends? They could be leaning on each other right now. Supporting each other during the Victory Tour. They could be talking and telling jokes. They could be keeping each other company. She ruined any chance of that.

The next day was terrible. They were in District 11. Peeta was supportive. Peeta and Katniss owed everything to Rue and Thresh. They wouldn't have survived without them. And Rue. Her ally. Her friend…her little sister. Peeta opted to do the speech. She ended up speaking from her heart. But then all hell broke loose. A man whistled, and then he was killed. Haymitch and Peeta dragged her upstairs. And that's when she told them about Snow coming to visit her and his threats.

To say Haymitch and Peeta were angry was an understatement. The two of them would always be a team because they hated her! She was utterly alone on this tour. She was sure that Haymitch told Cinna what happened. He probably hated her to. Haymitch told her she was in this for life. Peeta was stuck to her for the rest of his life. She cried for Peeta.

That night she couldn't stop the nightmares if she wanted to. She woke up screaming and sobbing. She jumped when her door opened and Peeta ran in. "Are you ok?" Peeta asked her, sitting on her bed and putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, it was a nightmare. A terrible nightmare," she said and covered her face.

"It's ok. I get them to," he told her and rubbed her arm before he stood up. "Goodnight," he said and got to the doorway.

"Peeta?" she called him. He didn't turn his head. "Stay with me," she cried. How pathetic she sounded. How desperate.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he told her.

"Please," she whispered. He didn't move. "Peeta please. Please just stay with me," she cried, and a sob escaped her throat before she could stop it. He stood there, not moving, but squeezing his eyes shut. She knew he was gonna leave, but then he just slid her door closed slowly. Not bothering to look at it. His eyes still shut.

He was choosing to stay…but he was battling himself. He wanted to stay but knows he shouldn't. She needed him to stay though. She wanted nothing more than to convince him to stay. Maybe this was the moment that they could start building that relationship. Maybe tonight was just the beginning of mending them.

She reached for his hand and pulled him slightly. He opened his eyes, and he let himself crawl over her on the bed. He got himself situated under the covers and she pushed herself closer to him. He was stiff as she laid her head on his chest, and he wrapped his arm around her back. Just like in the cave.

She breathed. She was instantly comfortable. She was relieved. She felt so safe. She felt loved. "Thank you," she whispered out of desperation. She the threw her arm around his chest and moved her hand up and down.

"Stay with me," she whispered drowsily as she started falling asleep. He said something to her, but she didn't quite catch it as sleep took over.