The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Drizzt, Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings are mushed together for no apparent reason. Joins some characters as they break the fourth wall and... do...stuff... Yeah.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

This is a collaboration fanfic with justforficsjules.

TLoZDatDR (what a mouthful) is a crackfic, which means it is not meant to be taken seriously. You have been warned.

There are going to be many spoilers for Drizzt, Zelda (mostly SS and OoT), and Harry Potter. You have been warned.

It also draws some inspiration from ChangelingRin's fanfiction Dimensional Links. Great read if you're into Zelda.

Now then, let's break things!

PROLOGUE

In the deep, dark recesses of the author's mind, an idea formed. It was so ridiculous, implausible, and downright hilarious that she couldn't help but laugh hysterically for ten minutes and then contact a friend.

"So. I had this absolutely awful it-will-never-work shower thought for a fanfiction that's basically just smushing the fourth wall into jelly and eating it for breakfast. What would happen if four completely unrelated universes just randomly crashed together and... did something?"

"I'm intrigued."

"Can you help? I'd love to have a collaboration crackfic."

"Yes."

So now there were actually two authors, which, naturally, needed nicknames, as Author 1 and Author 2 would just get confusing and tedious.

Author 1, the one who is eating fourth wall jello for breakfast, shall henceforth be known as Kitten. Because it's cute and sounds 'floofy', she claims, don't judge.

Author 2, the one Kitten roped into this whole glorious mess, consented to be called Jules.

*-*-*-*-*

In the cold, comforting darkness, tropes whirled. Deus ex machina rammed headfirst into fridging, which knocked over lampshading. And I… was bored out of my mind. I craved fics that didn't exist. I longed for character scenarios and interactions that would never come to be. My phone buzzed. I opened messages. It was from the one known to you as Kitten.

"So. I had this absolutely awful it-will-never-work shower thought for a fanfiction..."

*-*-*-*-*

And now, the authors present to you...

The Legend of ZelDrizzt and the Deathly Rings, a crackfic of the highest order, a study of breaking the fourth wall into tiny shards of Jell-O and ruining several multiverses' worth of canon in the process.

(P. S. The authors are not sorry.)

CHAPTER 1 - Facepalming Via Alternate Selves Falling from the Sky

Link was... tired.

He'd led a pretty normal life, as far as Skyloft's standards went. He trained for years at the Knight Academy, learned how to ride his Crimson Loftwing (the only part of his life that wasn't normal), and even... possibly... had a girlfriend...

Who'd gone and fallen through the cloud barrier, leaving Link to traverse an entire world he hadn't even known existed to find her, as well as saving the world and 'fulfilling his destiny' and all of that stereotypical hero stuff.

Now Link had a fully tempered Master Sword, an arsenal of fully upgraded equipment from his extensive travels, a flamboyant demon lord following him who wanted to lick and violently kill everyone, and a huge headache. He just wanted Zelda back, was that too much to ask for? Yep, snorted the universe, have some destiny crap!

Unfortunately, it was only going to get worse. Much worse.

(Kitten grinned maniacally as she tore the space-time continuum into shreds.)

"WAAAUUUAAAUUUAAAGH-"

Cue a scream that sounded more like a yodel, followed by an earsplitting CRACK and what sounded like Hylian stifled curses as some sort of living cannonball crashed into Link. From the sky. Someone fell from the sky, onto Link. What.

"...ugh... Oh no..."

"If you could get off of me, I'd gladly demand an explanation as to why someone freaking fell from the sky ONTO MY HEAD."

The weight pinning Link down abruptly shifted, allowing him to sit up. What he saw shocked him.

The teen standing next to him could've been his twin brother.

Green tunic, long pointed cap, boots, even the Blade of Evil's Bane strapped to his back behind a slightly different Hylian Shield. Granted, his ears were much longer and sharper (as well as most of his features), and his - tights? - were different, but the blue eyes, attire, something in his face were him.

"Great. What era of Hyrule am I in now?"

Link couldn't make sense of that. "Uh... Hyrule? Like the Goddess Hylia? I don't know what you're talking about. Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Link. The Hero of Time. I'm either your descendant or your ancestor, and judging from the fact that you have no idea what Hyrule is, I'm guessing the former."

Link stared. Descendant? Link? This teen was... okay, something big just happened.

"I'm also Link... I guess you could call me the Hero of the Sky, but I've never heard of you. Also, descendants? Also, HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS???"

The other Link ran a hand through his golden-blond hair, parted in the middle, and took off his cap, revealing a tiny ponytail beneath it. "Experience. I've time-traveled before, fought evil kings, lost my childhood, lost it again to a demonic mask and terrifying parallel reality, and very nearly broken several times. Almost nothing fazes me anymore. Now, I'm thinking you're farther up the timeline, because I've heard vague legends of a young hero who traveled between the clouds and the land, and I'm also thinking we should call each other something other than Link."

"To clarify for the readers?" asked Link, before getting slapped (gleefully) upside the head by an invisible force.

"Um..." Link stood there for a moment before pressing on. "Anyway, we can call each other by our hero titles or we can come up with nicknames. Then we can figure out what's wrong with the universe."

"Right. I'm okay being called Sky, if you're Time."

"Good, that's settled." Time took a look around. He had crashed into Sky in the middle of a sunny forest, surrounded by annoyingly sparkling mushrooms and a few little birds that were not Guays, thankfully, those things were awful. The music was nice, a bit cheery for his liking, with such an orchestrated sound, by Farore it was so much better than the music at home the strings sounded so lifelike here -

Sky spoke. "We're in Faron Woods, near the Sealed Temple. I'm not sure if it still exists in your time. There's also Lanayru Desert, Eldin Volcano, and Skyloft, above the clouds."

"None of those ring a bell, but my Hyrule has a Gerudo Desert and a Death Mountain, another volcano. I was raised in a forest that kind of looks like this, with less mushrooms, but it wasn't named Faron. Those names sound like the three Golden Goddesses, Farore, Din, and Nayru."

So there were three other deities in addition to Hylia, who was also, sort of, his (girl)friend Zelda. Huh. This world was interesting.

"So... if you're me, then I guess I can trust you, and we should get to know each other more. My adventure started when I had this dream of destiny, then something happened and my friend, Zelda, got taken away from me. I learned there was a demon lord with a super-long tongue who really likes diamonds that was tracking her, so I had to explore the Surface and find her. Apparently my sword, the Goddess Sword, and me weren't worthy enough to save her, so she traveled through a Gate of Time to hide from the demon and wait for me. I had to endure trials and things to improve myself and strengthen the sword before I could follow. I finally went through and found her, but she sealed herself away to keep a great, ancient evil at bay, saying I had to gather the pieces of the Triforce, whatever that is."

Time's eyes were wide. "So did you get it? The entire Triforce? It's crazy powerful, in my era it's split up into three pieces with one wielder each. I have the Courage piece, my Zelda has Wisdom, and Ganondorf, an evil king, held Power. It made for an interesting fight."

Sky seemed shocked for a moment at the mention of another Zelda, but he quickly shrugged it off. "Um, I didn't get all the pieces. I have Courage, and I can attain the other two once I finish navigating through Sky Keep, but I came down to Faron to check something and you crash-landed on my face, sooo..."

Time sighed. "Sorry about that, I couldn't exactly control a freefall from three hundred feet."

Sky mumbled an acceptance of the apology, then gestured for him to tell his story.

"So, I was raised as a Kokiri - an immortal childlike spirit - in the forest bordering Hyrule. I was bullied and pestered by the others, until the Great Deku Tree, our father figure, summoned me. He was dying from the curse a man called Ganondorf had put on him, and though I dispelled the evil creature inside of him, it was too late.

"Before he died, he told me to visit the princess of Hyrule, Zelda. She in turn led me to help several other races - the Gorons and the Zoras - and gather some magical jewels from them. This led me to get engaged with the snarky Zora princess, who was clingy as HECK and oh my I would love to bash her head in - "

(Kitten groaned; she was screwing up Time's personality. Again. Apparently her distaste for Jabu-Jabu's Belly was leaking into the fanfiction, dang it.)

"-Where was I? Oh yes. After gathering the gems, I returned to the castle, only to see her escape with her caretaker, Impa. I confronted Ganondorf as he chased after them, but he struck me down easily. I got ahold of the Ocarina of Time, an artifact of the Hyrule Royal Family, and went to the Temple of Time, where I opened the Door of Time using its magic - "

"Hoo boy, there's a lot of 'time' stuff isn't there," muttered Sky.

- "and was sealed away for seven years while my body matured so I could wield the Master Sword.

"This meant that my entire childhood was lost to me. It hurt a lot, but at the time I had to suck it up and help awaken the Six Sages. Once that was done, I defeated Ganondorf with Zelda's help, and she sent me back through time to regain those seven years. It was a lot more complicated than that, but I'm trying to condense the summary for the readers-"

SMACK.

"-and after that, I was searching for a lost friend, and then I tumbled into a parallel creepiness-death-depression overload reality AKA Termina ruled over by a sadistic mask-trapped entity named Majora. I used another mask, imbued with a vengeful deity's spirit, to defeat it before returning to Hyrule and trying in vain to forget the whole experience. A few years passed uneventfully after that, so now I have my seventeen-year-old body from the dark future back through natural aging."

Sky gaped. "You mean you did all that without dying? How? The worst I got was the tongue dude, and he seems like nothing compared to that stuff!"

"I nearly died. Many times, actually, the healing sprites I kept in my pack and my personal fairy Navi's guidance were the only thing that saved my skin through all of it. I kind of wish Navi was here now, actually, she'd be a big help explaining what happened. I was riding my horse Epona around a ranch when she bucked me off for no reason and I apparently fell through time."

For a moment the two Links just stood there, processing each other's stories and sizing each other up.

Finally Sky broke the silence. "I um... I'm sorry that all of that stuff happened to you. That must've been hard on a ten-year-old."

Time inclined his head in acknowledgment. "I'm sorry that your Zelda was dragged into this and you had to find her alone. I'm guessing you weren't expecting anything of that sort to happen when you're... how old are you anyway?"

"Seventeen," Sky mumbled. He couldn't really register the fact that his descendant of all people was standing here, the same age as him (if not older mentally), on a random expedition to Faron.

Wait.

If Time was his descendant, and he was blonde, and Sky wasn't... and Zelda was...

...He was going to ask her out after all this chaos subsided. He made a resolution to do that, and maybe daydreamed a little bit. He wasn't sure. What was he thinking about again? Blonde hair, Zelda?

Time stood there for ten minutes as his ancestor formed hearts in his eyes and 'Careless Whispers' started playing, shaking his head at... everything.

Sky was daydreaming. Definitely.

*-*-*-*-*

Kitten grinned as she read over what she had so far. The Legend of Zelda had been successfully broken, so she could get to the other universes next. But there was something...

"CRUD! How am I going to fit Ganondorf in now? He's TRAPPED IN THE TWILIGHT REALM for goodness sake!"

Space-time cracked (again), and the events of Twilight Princess may or may not happen anymore.

*-*-*-*-*

Ganondorf was just trying to convince the Twilight Realm government that he could benefit their council (with little success; he wasn't too bright or great with politics, despite being a dictator) when he was ripped from his place in the universe and dumped face-first onto a large, flaming, scaly object.

Said flaming scaly object was in the middle of an endless pit, nailed down with a divine spike.

Said flaming scaly object was NOT HAPPY that an evil king, who was actually a result of a reincarnation curse that he would cast on himself and two others later in the timeline, slammed onto his head, and proceeded to roar his frustrations and try to bite Ganondorf's head off for interrupting his daily brooding-and-scheming time.

What followed was a rather impressive tug-of-war-rugby-match-sumo-wrestling... thing, considering one half of it had a giant nail in his head and both combatants were, after all, in an endless pit.

What also followed was a great amount of cursing, in multiple languages, as each wrestler realized they were probably stuck here for a while. Introductions and lucridous titles were in order, it seemed.

"I am the Evil King Ganondorf, he who conquered Hyrule and seeks the Triforce."

"I am the evil god Demise, destroyer of worlds."

"Ganondorf, Destroyer of Universes!" yelled Ganondorf, realizing that he'd been outdone.

"Demise, Destroyer of Multiverses and the Fourth Wall!" roared Demise, never one to allow himself to be one-upped.

"Ganondorf, Destroyer of... Atoms? What's bigger than a multiverse?" It may have been mentioned already that Ganondorf wasn't too bright.

"Atoms are tiny, you nitwit!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A NITWIT!!??"

And so the curses resumed, and the authors plotted their next move.

AUTHOR'S NOTE (again)

So! First chapter and things! A couple of Links are set to cause some chaos, and next time, we shall see a certain duo from the realm of Middle-Earth...