Draco was an insecure, selfish git. An idiot. And that never hit him as hard as it did now.
He was in the corridors besides the ballroom where the Yule Ball was taking place, and Pansy Parkinson was his date. And she had just kissed him.
In fact, she was still kissing him. It felt... foreign. No offense to Pansy. She was his friend after all, but... it didn't seem right.
- Pansy, he breathed in between two smacks. Pans' please, stop.
Taking a hold of her wrists, he gently got her out of his face.
- I'm not... I don't think this is right.
Pansy looked taken aback. He could see a bunch of conflicted emotions flashing through her eyes.
- But... then, what is this whole 'be my date to the ball' thing about ? Don't you like me ?
Sighing, his fourteen-year-old self struggled to find an answer that wouldn't hurt her :
- Pans' you're my friend, alright ? You're cute, you're great but... I don't know, it's not alright.
- Well, gee thanks Draco, now I can go back to my dorm, take my pointless dress - that I chose for you - off and cry myself to sleep. Idiot.
He saw her clenching her fists, he could almost hear her thoughts, considering to slap him.
- I'm sorry...
- Keep it.
And she walked out.
Draco was an asshole, his social interactions - except maybe with a few Slytherins - were a proof of that. He couldn't count all the times he made other students cry. Draco admitted to himself that he wasn't 'nice', especially not to his comrades at Hogwarts, but not Pansy.
Pansy was special. He knew her longer than he could remember. He felt guilty. She liked him and he deceived her. And he couldn't even explain why.
His guilt wasn't for this botched first kiss alone. It was for how he acted for the past few hours. Nervousness and anger took over him for whatever reason.
He had been especially on edge this whole year, and it somehow imploded tonight.
Furthermore, he wasn't the kind to... analyze his feelings, but he knew himself : he felt insecure.
Fucking Dumstrang students. Karkaroff brought only his last years, all 16 or above, in red, muscle-complementing robes. And they were nice. Weren't they supposed to be dark magic practitioners ? How come one of them seduced that crazy haired Granger ?
Crazy haired, not so much tonight though...
He had to admit, she was astounding tonight. The golden trio's girl looked like a fairy waltzing with that Krum bloke. His two years prior self would have never allowed this impression to cross him.
A filthy mudblood, that's what he would have called her back then. But he grew up. Although not enough to stop the petty bullying, he observed and realized that his 'high' society's mantra of blood purity was rubbish.
He also knew that he couldn't admit any of his opinions publicly, that would be social suicide, for him and his parents, and even his friends.
His mind wandered off to all the times Hermione Know-It-All Granger proved herself above the slur. An exceptional witch. Draco owned up - to his own head, hidden from any social accountability - to the fact that most of his picking-on-her thing was jealousy. She was witted, intelligent and damn strong ; his broken nose from last year could attest to it.
Draco kept going on and on about his insecurities - as he often does each time he thinks of her - and slowly allowed his body to fall against the floor.
He somehow ended up in an empty corridor, inattentive to his track. He threw his head back on the wall and closed his eyes ; a quick rest before getting back to his common rooms. Draco was aware that by the time he'd get there, Pansy would have already mounted every girl (and maybe some boys) of their year against him. He wasn't undeserving, but still needed enough strength to face them.
His silent reflections were, however, interrupted by soft whimpers. Someone seemed to have found refuge here as well. It sounded like a bird was crying a few feet away from his spot. At least it wasn't his fault for once.
Somehow, a human spirit came to life in him, got him up and guided him on wobbly feet towards the cries' source. A brainless thing a Gryffindor would do, he supposed, but oh whatever, it's not the first time he admonished himself for his foolishness this past hour.
Draco's feet arrived by the end of the corridor when he perceived the tail of a pink robe dress. Isn't Granger's dress pink ? He wondered.
Taking a few more steps towards it, he saw it. A wild, poofy-looking Hermione Granger eyeing him, probably confused to see him approach her. She got back to her senses nonetheless, and became aware of what could happen next :
- Malfoy... I'm really, really not in the mood of hearing you insult me, can you please leave me alone ?
It was pitiful, the way she asked him to vacate the place. Her tears vanished by the time she pleaded, but their path was still visible down her cheeks ; cheeks that were as pink as her gown.
She looked embarrassed. Maybe because of the weeping or the begging, he didn't know, and he didn't consider it much. His curiosity was piqued by something else the second he heard her whine across the aisle.
- What's up Hermy-own ? Has your 'date' found someone more interesting to look at ? Is that why you're scraiting* ?
- Malfoy, for Merlin's sake, can't you leave me alone for like, an evening ? Do you really need to annoy me right now ?
- Well, it is quite appealing. I have never imagined the Golden trio's bird would ever beg me to 'leave her alone'. Makes me wonder what could get at you more than me. I'd be jealous if it weren't you.
- Godric, I'm getting out of here.
Her hair ruffled as Hermione got up in a hurry. She was ready to walk out, but for some forsaken reason (maybe a hex or something) he blocked her way out.
Perhaps, Draco wanted the company after all.
- Granger, I'm not here for you, no need to run. I was just... waiting before going back to my common rooms.
- Oh yeah, of course, you were just wandering around and oh so suddenly noticed I was here and decided what ? Check up on me ? Sod off Malfoy, I have greater things to worry about.
- Alright, alright, it's not like I was going to check on you because I heard roaring, but yeah, fine. As astonishing as it may seem to you, Granger, I am not inhumane, although if I knew it was you behind that wall I would have never come.
- Glad to see we are on the same page. So now do I need to go or are you going to leave me alone ?
They were still standing in front of each other, her a little above him, standing on stairs. Observing her up close weirdly took his breath away, and they were even having an almost 'civil' conversation. Miracle.
- To be honest, I don't want to go anywhere, he sighed. My dormitory is probably... bad-mouthing me right now-
- How surprising, she chuckled slowly.
- And I'm too knackered to walk. So I'm just going to sit right here, he announced as he took place on the step right below the one she was standing on. Feel free to go Hermy-own. But, if I were you, I would consider staying here too, whatever you were crying about might be your own dormitory's subject of conversation. Aren't you roommates with Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil ?
Hermione took her time to look down on him. He appeared remarkably disheveled for a boy who presented himself in class and style. His tie, and the top of his dress robes were off, his hair was comparable to Harry's, and was that lipstick smeared on his cheek ?
- You don't look well off yourself, Malfoy.
Carefully, she returned to her place, not without checking the access to her wand. We never know with Malfoy.
- What a delightful thing to tell me. As if I didn't know already.
He had his eyes closed, giving her the occasion to observe him. He had bags under his eyes and his face looked paler than usual, a wonder how that could be possible.
- Well, if you're staying for whatever reason, tell me about it at least. Looks like it got to you.
- Remarkable, innit ? It's almost like I'm a human being.
- Oh come on, you said that already. Your main issue right now is that I question your capacity for feelings ? Excuse me if you're usually a nut head.
- Fair enough...
- So ? She was now looking at him expectantly.
- So what ? Do you really want me to confide in you ?
- It looks like neither of us are out of here for a while, might as well get whatever is on your chest off.
- Mm... Yes, it'd be a deal, wouldn't it ? On a condition, though. I do it, you do it.
- Yeah, for sure, so you can use it against me later ? It'd be like telling Lavender about it.
- I could give you my word that I won't tell anybody. Not a soul.
- Your word has as much credit as Goyle's marks.
- Mean. But we could, I don't know, seal it ? There's a spell that I know.
- An unbreakable vow ? It'd be idiotic to do for something like I have to say.
- Well, no, not unbreakable, but it's similar. Breaking it wouldn't kill you, it would... punish you.
- How so ?
- It depends. I could make it permanently draw Potter's scar all over your face.
- Alright.
- Alright ? That's it ? Aren't you going to be a little paranoid ? If you don't fight me on it, it's going to take all the fun out.
Draco had sat up correctly a long time ago, and held her gaze, smirking. Their conversation was too normal so far, it itched him to throw something at her, even light teasing.
- Malfoy, get down to it, or I'm out.
A frown orned her lips, and maybe it was the dizziness or the punch speaking, but he realized how adorable she was at that instant. The traces of her bawling were still visible, and yet ravishing, she was. It wasn't the dress, nor was it the make-up. In all honesty, Draco couldn't have explained how he felt or how she looked if he tried, but Heavens, it was staggering.
It confirmed that he didn't want her to go away just yet. Both could drop the animosity for a moment, and enjoy the strange night. They could get back to normal tomorrow. Or could they ? Draco never gave her much attention, besides his usual bullying habits. She was Scarhead's little sidekick, who happened to be just as irritating. Granger couldn't be more, could she ? But yet, here they were, sharing the evening.
- Stick out your hand, and try not to scratch me or something.
Draco took her hand in his, in a handshake motion. His wand was out of his pocket, ready to perform the charm.
- Although the temptation is great, I'm not going to risk it, Malfoy, your wand is pointing at it.
- Wise. Now shut up and let me concentrate, I've never performed it.
- How reassuring...
- I've read about it enough to do it, it's just... shut it and let me work on it.
Hermione didn't feel the need to add anything, she smiled a little, whatever for, his frustration was amusing, she guessed.
If Draco thought he felt dizzy, it was nothing compared to the rollercoaster taking place in Hermione's body. Her soirée was a disaster so far. Krum's kiss, Ron's fit, and now she was letting a Slytherin, a Malfoy, perform some unknown spell on her.
Hermione couldn't make out how she even physically was. Did she want to puke her insides out or was she just nervous ? Well, there was a lot to be nervous about. Tomorrow, she'd have every single Gryffindor's, and maybe even other houses, favorite topic of conversation, and Gods did she hate the attention. This whole ordeal of staying a bit late out with someone who might not give a shit about her is probably the best thing she could make up for the rest of her day. It was Malfoy, but still, comfort was comfort after all.
- Now repeat after me, he suddenly said. I, Hermione Jean Granger, promise to not reveal anything said tonight with Draco Lucius Malfoy.
And she did. Her shoulders slumped in relaxation. It seemed like Malfoy wasn't hexing her tonight.
- And I, Draco Lucius Malfoy, promise to not reveal anything said tonight with Hermione Jean Granger.
A bright, white thread took a hold of their hands, sealing their promise.
- Now that's behind us, tell me Granger, who broke your little heart tonight ?
Whilst grimacing at his sarcasm, she still answered.
- Ronald. Can you believe that he made a scene in front of my date and his friends because I didn't want to go to this ball with him, and supposedly because Krum is the enemy? He is an imbecile, and he humiliated me a few minutes after my first kiss. Krum couldn't be redder. It's like he blended with his robes.
Draco couldn't help that a chuckle came out of him.
- Oh come on, I've been saying that the weasel is a sket for years, and you were the one to come to his defense each time...
- Malfoy, now is not the time for your shenanigans...
- Sure, sure. By the way, I agree, he is a twit for doing that. But it couldn't be worse than what I did.
Now was time for Hermione to chuckle. 'I don't doubt that', she reflected.
- And what did you do ?
- I invited Pansy as my date, kissed her, and told her I didn't like her, in that order with like a 2-second interval between the two last.
- Oh, you, you are a twit. Ron might have the emotional capacity of a chicken, but that is a masterpiece in stupidity.
- Yeah, and I'm even feeling guilty. She is my friend, she deserved better, she should've gone with Zabini, it might've been better.
- Malfoy ? Draco Malfoy is feeling guilty ?
- Salazar's robes, for the nth time, Granger, I am not-
- Inhumane, I know. I'm poking fun at you, Malfoy, you gave me just the occasion to.
She was smug. She bore the same looks he had when he was picking on her.
- I don't really get it though, you don't like Pansy and you asked her out ? And you kissed her ? Not really gentlemanly of you.
- It's not, I acknowledge it, thank you very much. To be fair, I thought I liked her, or at least that it could be built up, and it wasn't I who initiated the kiss.
- Technicalities, Malfoy, and you know it. You should've known that it'd happen, for Merlin's sake.
- Are you going to pretend that you 'like' Krum ? I mean, it's pretty obvious you are upset with Weasley the most, but you didn't look ravished at the idea of snogging Krum.
Hermione sighed. Did he need to be so observant ?
- Snogging Viktor, like you so poetically said, was... weird. I didn't expect anything tonight, I don't even know why I accepted going with him, maybe because I wanted to get back at all the girls in the year who think I'm some sort of ghoul. However, when he kissed, it felt strange and scary, like... like Viktor had expectations I needed to fulfill, but how could I ? He's older, more experienced, and I don't even think I trust him at this point yet, and yeah... yeah, I was scared shitless.
- I think that's how I felt with Pansy, too. As egoistic as I may seem, I wouldn't have played with her feelings, I was just trying to attain a standard of, I don't know? Manliness ? It should be the last of my worries now, but I guess, it sticks to your mind, the arrogance of Slytherin about those kinds of subjects I mean.
- I would've never imagined you worrying about your virility, but now, with Ron's tantrum, a long year tantrum may I add, and obvious insecurities I guess everything is possible when it comes to teenagers.
- A long year's tantrum ? You mean, how he decided Potter was too good for him and decided to hang out with other people. Savior complex got to their relationship too, innit ? Sad, really sad.
- Oh, shut up, Malfoy. The last thing I need now is to talk about those two.
And amazingly, laughter took over both of them. The high of the conversation, of the evening and of the drinks they both probably had was slowly wearing off. As the place fell gradually silent, Hermione and Draco gazed at each other.
Malfoy's blonde head reflected on the girl's beauty, once again. 'For fuck's sake, she's too good to look at right now'.
Their faces were at an indecent distance. Draco smelled her perfume - intoxicating, ambrosial - and couldn't make up if she might take the occasion to slap him again, but dear lord, he didn't even worry about it. It was like being on the Imperius, seeing her look at him like that. No expression adorned her face but interest and mild confusion. He was confused as well. It wasn't an ordinary behavior for either of them.
Hermione's brown eyes were barely focused by now. She is usually so composed and controlling over her own actions, and now, nothing directs her except for his fruity smell, and those lips...
Hermione wouldn't believe she was so apprehensive about Viktor snogging her, now it felt like it was as smooth as it could be. Images of that rosish mouth crushing her own invaded her Confudo'ed mind. She wanted him to taste her chopstick. And yet, it wasn't any arousal that burned her tummy. It was more of a fuzzy cloud. She felt the heat and the chilliness of the night at the same time. She could have mistook it for fever. The poor girl was, now, a pool of nothing and everything at the same time.
The tiredness, the previous irritation, the fright, the laughter, everything came down to a kiss.
Draco could taste her softness, it was like Hermione was transmitting every single one of her emotions, previous or current, through her mouth. He was thrown beyond belief at all he sensed at the moment. It wasn't exactly perfect, it was uneasy and clumsy, but it was passionate. It embodied their individual beings, their relationship, their night, their insecurities, everything.
How could he possibly not like it with Pansy? Snogging is great, alright !
Maybe, just maybe, it was because it wasn't this stupid Gryffindor gripping on him. But now she was. It was fateful, almost. Like it was meant to be this clumsy and stupid and emotional and wrong. A puddle of sentiments and a soft second kiss for them both, sitting uncomfortably on some random stairs. Anyone, a teacher, could walk on them. Scandalous, Malfoy and Granger, together. On that reflection, they separated.
- Looks like the problem was not my lack of virility or your lack of trust.
Hermione never saw him bearing such a gentle expression, and it was directed to her. She felt naked under his eyes, like he could read her, and never had she ever wanted to freeze time like at that very right instant.
- Curse you, Malfoy.
Hello Hello everybody, I present to you my first fiction writing on .
Hope y'all enjoyed the first chapter, and hopefully are awaiting the next. :))
a little precision though, I most definitely prefer to write a ff that's based on the books' version but for the purposes of this scene, please don't the dress' color.
Thank you and see you in the next chapter.
Rorring/Scraiting : derbyshire slang for crying