Gotcha
1/2/2021
Summary: Things are tough all around for Kurt at McKinley but they're getting worse, or maybe that's just how it appears to him. Maybe he's just tired of it and growing even more tired as it continues to grow. Not Finn or Rachel friendly for awhile.
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AN: If you look at the start date up above, you'll notice this is from over a year ago. It's from when I was writing chiefly Klaine with a bit of Kurtbastian thrown in for fun and what-ifs. Even when I wrote Klaine there was unlying Kurtbastian. What can I say? This is a WIP for now, not saying I won't come back to it. I have plans on finishing out Symphony some day too. I just fell into other stories more recently which I'm still working on finishing. Problem is a lot of plot bunnies take over. So I really wanted to post this one because of the Santana of it all. And Finn's character here. I swing wildly between two types of Finn. This is type B. But oh, I love Santana in here. You'll see.
AN2: Working title: Gotcha. The song is from the Beatles. I heard it first on spotify with them singing it and then I saw them do it in a video and it's totally not the connection I made in my head. Still though, fantastic song and I kept it. And the lyrics surprisingly match the story really well, so chapter titles/mood setting, yay! (I realized after I finished chapter 5 and looked up the lyrics just how well they fit.) Originally I was going to name this Got to Get You Into My Life (Gotcha- For Short) but then I started writing and writing and writing and realized that I would be out of lyrics well before I finished the story. So, I decided to find other songs with the idea/word in it. Which lead me to Blondie, of course but "Getcha" is not quite "Gotcha" theme but I have found another song I'm partial to with similar words.. So I'm going to aim for this to be 2 seasons long (2 & 3) but we'll see. The different seasons are the different song titles. :D
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Part 1 (Season 2)
Got to Get You Into My Life
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Chapter 1
I was alone, I took a ride
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Slam.
Slam.
Bang.
Ohh cold, pain, such pain.
Ouch.
Bang.
Slam.
Bang.
Slam. Bang. Ouch. Bang. Slam.
Screech as the body slid down the lockers and ended on the floor in a crumpled up pile.
It was only Monday, but thankfully the day was now over. Well, mostly. There was one more thing he had to do before he could leave campus and ice his body down in the privacy of his own room. He had already maxed out on the number of painkillers he could take, even when he mixed up the types.
His head was ringing after that last round. The entire hockey team had seemed to gang up on him with that one, letting him bounce off it and then another set of hands was shoving him into the lockers. Then the football player who was best friends with the one that played both teams (Kurt mentally snorted at that one – yeah right, he'd be furious if he even heard something even remotely like that), slammed him, the hardest, into the bank of lockers just as he got free of the ones who had used him as their personal pinball.
He was almost to the choir room, almost amongst 'friends' and safety. Then he was skidding along the floor on his face and grunting in pain, more pain that he'd felt for awhile, even with all those other shoves and dumpster tosses, slushie facials throughout the day. He'd given up on changing between them, he didn't want to ruin his entire wardrobe in one day.
Kurt pushed himself up onto his elbows in time to see that same leg that tripped him, 'accidentally' kick him in his side and he grunted in pain. He watched as Azimio and Karofsky high-fived and they wandered off. He breathed slowly and deeply, trying to get his emotions back in order, trying to see if he was seriously injured. He didn't know if it was a good thing or bad that the answer was no. Just some bruises, probably some deeper than others.
He could still breath deeply, good enough to get him through their singing today, if they were given the chance at all. It would just hurt every time he gathered that breath. He could push through it.
Being the last one in the room, meant he couldn't sit where he wanted to. It changed nearly daily, who sat where, except Rachel always sat front and center if she got there before Kurt, who sometimes sat there just to irritate her. She would stand in front of him, hands on hips and tapping her foot expectantly, wanting him to move. He never did. Now she got Finn involved, who would wrap his arm around her shoulders and look down at him. "Come on man, you know that's her spot."
"Her name isn't written on it." He's snarked back, but he varied it up.
"Yeah but that's where she always sits. Be nice, move." He didn't. He wanted to irritate Finn too. Ever since their parents married, he tried to act like the big brother, bossing him around, telling him what to do, picking on him, irritating him. He was never cruel, he just... edged that border, some of his comments painful and hateful without even really trying to be. He never said anything even remotely offensive in his father's presence, choosing to talk about sports with Burt. Even then, he was careful not to use some of the words they would have used had they been two bros, like he overheard when he was talking with Puck in the basement, which had once upon a time been Kurt's space, now it was Finn and whoever he had over that day.
He had fought at first, kept his stuff down there, but then one day Karofsky and Azimio were down there when Kurt popped down to grab something he wanted to work on in his room, knowing there were visitors, but he stopped dead when he saw who they were. He spun and tried to run up the stairs but not before he was grabbed and pulled back only to be thrown into the stairs by Azimio who was too fast for him. Karofsky just watched with a pleased look on his face.
Kurt sprang up the stairs and locked himself in his room and moved whatever furniture he could in front of his door. But he knew, that if he could move it, it would be no trouble for either boy alone, much less both. He had questioned Finn every time there was going to be guests over, being very careful to not run into them again. Finn had been out getting snacks while they chose the movie and Kurt had unexpectedly stumbled upon them. He moved all his stuff up into his room after that. He didn't care if he didn't have the space to lay it out like he once could, he wouldn't risk it again.
Finn told him when it was planned, though reluctantly and with a bit of irritation and bitterness at being questioned. Sometimes though it wasn't planned, they just decided on the spot to all gather at the Hudmel home. Kurt had walked in on them in the main level too and he had backed out and ran to his car, locking the doors instantly once inside, breathed deeply, steadied himself and then drove somewhere, anywhere, that could be considered remotely safe. There weren't too many places that were.
Even a place that would be safe one day wasn't necessarily safe the next day. The only place he was really safe was up in his room, with the door locked, but he knew even that was a fantasy. Locks could be broken or unlocked and until he was inside of it, it was wide open and free game. He would have to get through the snake pit first.
He'd seen his dad laugh with them. Ever since Finn joined their family and the football team had come over, he'd never seen his dad laugh and smile so much or have so much to say. He'd thought his dad was a man of few words. Turns out, he was just a man of a few words to his gay son who he didn't know how to talk to, or wanted to talk to, probably worried Kurt would start telling him about something he found gay or distasteful.
Now though, he was in one of those areas that was relatively safe. He was in the choir room with the rest of the rejects and those who were there for their own agendas but would never be considered rejects or outcasts. They all had other things they were part of. This was all Kurt had, all they'd let him join or attend and only because he had a voice that they couldn't kick off their team. If he hadn't, if he had a decent voice or a terrible voice but good dance moves, they'd have found some way to keep him away and would have found someone to replace him. But his voice was unique, something that wasn't remotely common and was something only a handful of people could claim throughout the entire 6+ Billion people in the world at any given time, stretching all ages, and not all of them could sing or wanted to. His voice was incredibly rare and it gave them an edge. Not that they'd use it.
Kurt wanted to sit in the far back, hide away from the rest, come in and out of songs at his own pace and need. He didn't have that luck, he was relegated to the least favorite seat in the house. The other side of Rachel Berry in her shining spotlight seat. When he sat there, she'd huff and sit down next to him, on either of his sides, just not quite as good and he wouldn't mind then, because he chose to antagonize her, had the willpower and strength that day. He did not have either of those to deal with her today while she preened in her favorite spot. She was bad either way. If she arrived before he did, took that spot then he would veer off to center row and down away from her or sit in the back somewhere.
He paused though in the doorway, not because of the spot, no, that was something he'd had to sit through often enough. He paused because there were 2 new faces in the crowd, Lauren Zizes – but she had never come before to Glee and a blond boy. It wasn't the fact that there were two new people in the room, but because they had 2 more chairs in there than normal. Where had those damn chairs been before? Couldn't they have had them out anyway?
It was probably Mr. Schue's perverse pleasure making whoever tailed in behind the others sit next to his personal project, Finchel. Kurt scowled and pushed himself to trudge forward to take the only remaining spot, knowing there were probably even more chairs hidden somewhere.
Rachel would not let him get away with half-assing it today and today, he really needed to. He wanted to grumble and ask one of the newcomers to switch with him, but he knew Lauren knew better and he would have to use his requests with the boy sparingly, he didn't know him or how willing he would be to help Kurt out. He glared at Mercedes who was sitting next to the blond boy with a sheepish smile and shrugged slightly. Tina and Mike were on her other side, practically in each others' laps like normal. She mouthed that it had been the only other open seat besides the one he was sitting in.
His scowl disappeared and he accepted that and nodded. She and Rachel could not sit together, ever; not if they wanted to avoid WW3. Santana and Quinn couldn't either.
Rachel for her part practically bounced with excitement whenever Kurt had to sit next to her and she slid her arm through his. She had everything she wanted right then and he tried to untangle his arm from her grasp. She was always touching him and he didn't like it, even if it wasn't in anyway intimate. He didn't like being touched, didn't like his clothes being rumpled up by others, and didn't know where her hands had been; especially since she started dating Finn. It was worse when she touched his hair or his skin. He roiled away from her touch.
He touched others, but only when he was doing their hair, makeup or helping them put on their costumes, not the other way around. Somehow despite this, however, he always ended up in the middle of a girl pile whenever he had sleepovers with any or all of them. Well, not all, there was always one or two missing depending on the combination of girls and whatever drama was going down that day.
Mr. Schue cleared his throat. "Thanks for finally joining us Kurt." He sounded as if they'd been waiting for him, and while he was late, he wasn't that late. Others had strolled in far later than him in the past and they hadn't gotten dressed down like that. As if there was nothing but Kurt's own attitude that would have caused him to be late, where others had things they could have been doing. He had never been late on his own volition though. "We have two newcomers, welcome Lauren and Sam!" There was clapping throughout the room and a cheer of welcomes. Sam had a higher register, not as high as Kurt's, not nearly that high, but higher than most of the other boys'. Lauren was lower than most of the other girls. He shrugged, not concerned, they'd fit in well and his place was secure. His place would probably always be secure. He could go to those high notes- often given the top frosting layer while others either did the power vocals or kept the continuity in the song by being lead (which he could do too, if given a chance!). He could also go lower, he had hit the baseline for them in quite a few songs. He was more of a ballad or show-tune singer but he could do a lot of other genres too if he wanted to or had help. He wasn't the powerhouse of the group, no, but he could belt for a song or two, if asked or motivated.
"This month's assignments are love songs." Mr. Schue announced and Kurt felt the females of the group sigh in pleasure. They were happy, the men... not as much but a few of them were cool with it, knowing they were going to sing to certain females of the group. "While I'm sure most of you already have a song in your head that you want to sing to a special someone, that's great, we'll do those next week. This week, we're going to start with duets."
Rachel's hand instantly shot up. "I love this idea. Finn's going to be my partner. But Mr. Schue, there are 13 people in here."
"Thank you, Rachel. Yes, there are, and so I'll have to partner with one of you." There was a collective groan. "And I'm going to assign partnerships and songs. You'll all get a chance to duet with another partner of your choice at the end of the month." There was even less of an excited buzz in the air now, really not wanting to know what he was going to do. "I'm going to surprise some of you with the partnerships, I think." He was grinning and Kurt suddenly felt his stomach sink to the bottom of his feet, getting grounded beneath the slight slide of his soles as he moved them nervously.
This was not going to be good.
"Sam and Mercedes Reunited, Puck and Lauren Don't Go Breaking My Heart, Mike and Brittany I've Had the Time of My Life, Tina and Rachel Don't Know Much, Santana and Quinn Tonight I Celebrate My Love, Artie, you'll be with me and we'll be singing Ain't No Mountain High Enough..." Kurt and Finn looked at each other, knowing what that meant and Kurt could see the panic set in, in Finn's eyes. He was going to absolutely freak out and have a scene if the song choice wasn't carefully chosen. "Finn and Kurt My Boo."
Kurt ran a hand down his face with a groan as Mr. Schue chose the worst song to give this closeted homophobe and settling into his spot while he let Finn run his mouth and run out of steam. Finn was on his feet suddenly about how it wasn't fair and he wanted a different partner and song and just kept talking. "He's – I can't sing a song with him. Especially a song like that! I can't sing a song with a boy about... about that!"
Mr. Schuester really did a number with this one as the entire audience was talking about song choices, not even worried about their partners, except Finn. There were two groups of girls singing together, but they didn't care and Finn wasn't aware that his melt down was just because Kurt was a gay boy, nobody really even paid him much attention or how it made Kurt feel small. He was curling in on himself and wanting to disappear. God, Mr. Schue had assigned the two dancers one of the hardest singing songs that was so beloved that even the original singers would absolutely be picked apart when sung now when he'd given I've Had the Time of My Life to Mike and Brittany. What was he thinking?
Finally, something snapped in Kurt and he had it. He was on his feet now too and was somehow heard over all the others. "Would you feel more comfortable singing with Artie?" Kurt asked loudly and Finn turned to look at him and the sudden lessening of the fear and disgust in his eyes was enough to tell him even though Finn didn't say yes. Kurt winced at not just the look and knowledge but at the pain in his side as he moved so quickly and stretched out those muscles. "That's fine. I'm sitting this one out then. Nobody would want to do a love song with me anyway. Go ahead, sing with Artie. I'll see you all in a week!"
He picked up his bag and turned around and slammed out of the choir room. There were a few token protests from some of the girls he considered his closer friends and Mr. Schue but none of them chased after him or were his confidants. He didn't tell any of them nearly any of the surface things going on with him, much less anything deeper. They stuck to safer topics or their own romantic dramas.
Kurt sat in his car and pounded against the steering wheel in frustration and anger and sadness. It was never going to change. He had a mild crush on Finn at one point because he'd been less cruel to him than the other jocks, but it had been very mild and he'd tried hard to be a good friend, listen to all he had to say about his dead dad and worries about Carole marrying Burt. Heard all his problems when it came to Rachel and Quinn but had never done anything even remotely inappropriate with his feelings or interest. Nobody had even known about the fleeting crush that came and went and was replaced by friendship once he got to know the boy beneath the jock. He was definitely not Kurt's type and 'less' terrible to Kurt was not something that could maintain a crush for more than five minutes.
Still, Finn treated him as if he was trying to get into his pants and molest him while he slept. He was not Mr. Ryerson. In fact, Kurt had been on Mr. Ryerson's list but nobody bothered to ask if the gay boy had been inappropriately touched by the gay?teacher. They probably thought he liked it. He hadn't, he'd been caressed and had left and never returned, no matter what promises Mr. Ryerson had given him about solos. He'd had to fight to get away from him once he realized what was happening underneath the cover of 'help'. He didn't let Mr. Schue get even within arm's reach of him because of that, though he knew they weren't the same. He hadn't told anyone because at the time nobody would have believed him, would have thought he was angling for solos or drama or whatever. Afterward, he'd seen the looks, knew they had thought that he'd done more than that with him, probably for ages. It hadn't been true, but nobody cared or would care if he tried to set the records straight.
He'd rifled through some pamphlets out of curiosity a few weeks later after Ryerson was fired and Mr. Schue took his place; and had gotten a talking to by his father and been shoved to the board of clubs, told to pick something. Burt hadn't cared what Kurt picked as long as he got involved in something. So Kurt went right back to what he had known, but this time with an entirely new group and astigmatism over their group, no longer being something people just did, but something nobody with any self-respect would join; not wanting to be molested by whatever teacher was in charge of it now. Kurt figured it wouldn't last, that's why he joined again, something to get his dad off his back and something he wouldn't have to deal with for long. He could then go back to the shadows; but it had taken off and he'd been in even bigger spotlight now. More eyes, more attention, more pain was now visited upon him. Before he'd gotten the morning dumpster tosses and slushies. Perhaps a few shoves into lockers, but as soon as the Cheerios and football players had joined – he'd been targeted and deemed person non-grata.
And despite himself and his plans or goals, he had started to enjoy going. Now he wouldn't go for a week. He said what he meant and he meant what he said. His word was the only thing that hadn't been questioned, yet. He had his own self-dignity and compass and it was far different from what others believed, far more clean and wholesome actually.
He sighed, tired out from everything that happened that day and his own outburst. Nobody would ever see this side of him. He wasn't the sort to knock papers off desks along with whatever else was on it and hulk smash chairs and anything else that angered them, not like … actually quite a few people did in that building. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel, debating if he should wait for Finn. He'd driven them both today. He turned his head to his phone, hoping Finn had either let him off the hook or asked him to follow through.
He didn't have any messages on his phone and he frowned. Surely, Mercedes would have texted him, just to see how he was doing? Nope, apparently not.
There was an update on his phone though about some of his previous searches. He glanced through them curiously, not sure yet what to do about Finn. It wasn't the top of the list but about three or four articles down was something about Dalton Academy. He didn't know why he clicked on it, knowing there was no way they could afford it and his dad wouldn't send him there even if he did. It was too much 'temptation' he'd probably say, all those nubile male bodies; someone would probably be gay too and may even be interested in Kurt. He ignored the fact that his dad's voice in his head sounded more like Finn than his dad these days.
He hadn't been looking for private schools or all boy schools, he hadn't. He'd been looking up bullying and how to deal with it when you were at the end of your rope. Dalton had flashed up on his screen with a 'Zero Tolerance Policy' and there'd been an article about how bullying was not accepted among the student body. How there'd been some physical bullying going on with one of the boys and the one doing it had been told to find a different school to attend. It was a journalist that Kurt liked to follow, she'd written that though the physical bullying was unacceptable, it was harder to prove verbal bullying if no one else heard it. If people did hear it though, boys had been removed from their halls for good.
It had sounded too good to Kurt and he figured that it had to be really bad for someone to step in and remove the culprit and not the victim.
Kurt's fingers hovered over reading more about Dalton Academy. It was an hour and a half away in good weather and traffic. He scrolled down to the bulk of the article. It was just talking about rolling enrollment, but they had a few scholarship opportunities for anyone who the school and student body had deemed worthy of it, and it was always open to mid-semester transfers.
There was a jerk to his head sideways as he considered it. Scholarship. Could he possibly qualify for that? How much would it cover? What would it mean? He shook his head, this was crazy. He had never been to Westerville or been on campus. He knew nothing real about this school. Even if he got a scholarship, would his dad even let him go?
He didn't know if he even really wanted to go. He was settled in here, he didn't want to be a new kid. Yet... he had two years left here and things seemed to be getting worse daily for him. He could be leaving something he knew and had slight protection in – like the cage while shark diving to losing that completely. He could be putting himself bleeding and broken into the center of shark infested waters with nothing between him and those sharp teeth that would hurt and he might just die a horrible painful death. He could pretend that these insults and pains were because they were such a small town and everyone in it was poor, illiterate and ignorant.
Westerville was a suburb of a metropolitan. It would be very telling, if people still hated him and treated him like shit, if he went there. Then it would be him they hated, not what he was. He sucked in a deep breath and felt the pain slam back at him. His painkillers were wearing off and it made the decision for him.
He shot a quick text to Finn to find a ride home and turned the keys in the ignition and set himself on the path toward Westerville. So what if they didn't like him? So what if he didn't get in or be allowed to go? He wanted to see what the world was like outside this small town, see what he could look forward to. He needed to give himself some sort of hope, even if it was tiny.
New York was the plan but he needed some kind of exposure to what that life might entail. He wasn't delusional, he knew even in New York amidst the gay pride parade, life wouldn't be easy or safe. He knew it would still be tough but he begged that it was better. It had to be better. If nothing else, he'd have somewhere to go that was safe, right? Maybe. Who knew if his own apartment would be safe in the real world? His house certainly wasn't.
It would actually be a relief for someone to hate him for who he was rather than what he was.
He probably should have waited for tomorrow and cut out early, but his nerves and bravery might just escape him before then. He had to go now, even if school was finished for the day, he would at least see the building, see the stragglers. The stragglers would tell him far more than when the school was full and busy.
There was one last time he could have chosen a different path for himself. He drove down the highway and there was an exit that would take him home. He continued on his current path, not knowing what would be ahead of him on this one, but he knew what that path home would mean. More of the same. He would take the unknown for now, even if it just circled back to the path he'd been on. He had to try this road first, even if it was worse, it would be different, a chance, a try.