Chapter Twenty-Four: Katie's Flashback Extravaganza Part 2: Now in 3-D!

Bill was already halfway through watching The Empire Strikes Back with Ron, who kept exclaiming at things like shaggy haircuts (it's like they knew what we'd all do with our hair, fourth year!) and Chewbacca (but how did they train a dog to walk upright?) Hermione was taking prissy notes on who could be the poisoner with Harry. Montague was creepily watching Katie as she twitched some more on her bed. And Katie watched herself snog Blaise Zabini next to a tapestry in 3D, smell-o-vision, technicolor horror.

"Ugh," Katie said out loud, watching her younger self attempt to learn to snog properly with a total git in a corridor of Hogwarts that was way too close to the Slytherin art of the dungeons. "Why am I being punished like this? Alicia's banged Ernie, is she being forced to relive that? And why am I an omniscient narrator now, instead of–" her head spun.

Like she Apparted into her own younger body, a tongue was suddenly in her mouth. Katie tried to struggle, but past Katie was in charge and past Katie was not struggling. In fact, past Katie was a bit of a reckless skank, and grabbed Zabini by the shiny fancy silver lapels, dragging him closer. Past Katie was exhilarated. She'd hitten Montague and gotten away with it, and was getting her first kiss with a boy far better at kissing than anticipated, and far better looking as well.

Zabini broke the kiss first. His cat eyes were glittering.

"I had no idea mudbloods were such good kissers," he said, "If I'd known, I would've–"

For the second time that night, Katie slapped a Slytherin. He'd ruined it!

"Thanks for the win," she said nonsensically.

Zabini was rubbing his jaw, but he looked amused. Fucking Slytherins. Lunatics, all of them.

"What did you win?" he asked, "the envy of all the girls in Gryffindor?"

"Guess," Katie said, lying wildly.

What the hell was she doing? All she knew was that she wouldn't end up like Leanne, embarrassed and hiding what she'd done with Warrington from her mates, half blackmailed by the sloth into silence and shame. Something about her false bravado seemed to upset Zabini. The smile faded, the cat eyes no longer glittered with deranged Slytherin joy.

"Don't tell me," he said, "it was him. You had some sort of wager with him, didn't you? A game, perhaps, maybe he paid you, that's the only way you could afford anything, isn't it–"

"Yeah," Katie said, having no idea what Zabini was talking about, "it was him. A game. You're right. And I won!"

"You are a little cock tease," Zabini said, "Graham was right. Well, have fun with your little game with him, I suppose. I've got prettier girls to fuck."

Bloody hell!

"Not a game with–it wasn't–you've got it all wrong, I didn't mean Mon–"

Zabini sauntered away. His dress robes billowed in that ridiculous way all the Slytherins seemed to possess. What a plonker. It would almost have been better if Montague had kissed her. He'd at least never called her a mudblood. To her face, anyway. Great. Bloody great. What was she going to do now?

"You snogged Zabini?" Montague hissed from behind Katie in the stands.

Harry had just looked like he'd had a stroke then belly flopped into the lake. It appeared that Katie might be losing a bet she'd actually made and snogging Montague next. After the disaster with Zabini, she barely cared. The worst part was that Zabini was such a good kisser she'd woken up the night before dreaming about snogging him again. Why they were on a merry go round of pink dragons while they snogged…

"You saw me snog him, you addle brained halfwit," Katie said, without much heat, "why are you acting like this is a surprise to you?"

She pretended like she was engrossed with staring at the still surface of the lake, just like everyone else. Fascinating. Hadn't anyone thought this task through? Surely someone (most likely Harry) would almost drown soon, and the giant squid would rescue them for excitement?

"He said it was a game," Montague hissed, crouching closer. He was so huge he looked especially ludicrous in the position, "a game with me. And you won. I played along, of course, he looked so mad, and Zabini prides himself on never showing emotion, well done, Bell, but–"

"Nobody asked your opinion," Leanne snapped, "now go away."

Nearby, Fred, one of the other few people not staring intently at a cold placid lake, had spotted them and grimaced. Katie shook her head minutely at him. Not yet. Not the famous Weasley family chaos descending on her when Montague was crouched next to her like a stone gargoyle.

"Nobody asked yours either," Montague snapped back.

"I did," Katie said, "also, I happen to agree. Go away. I'm busy."

"What, watching Potter lose the tournament?" Montague snorted.

"He's got a trick up his sleeve, I'm sure," Katie lied.

"He hasn't drowned," Leanne said, "er, yet."

"That we know of," Montague muttered, "but I meant, you snogged Zabini again, Bell? With more tongue? He was quite descriptive–"

"Do you own her tongue?" Leanne fired back, "or anything to do with Katie, for that matter?"

"Yes, good point, thank you Leanne," Katie said, "what's it to you? I can snog whoever I want. Maybe I snogged er, Cedric Diggory afterwards. And if I did, what business is it of–"

"In your dreams," Montague sneered, "Diggory's got a line, and I'm afraid you're at the back of it."

"Shows what you know," Katie blustered, wondering if Cedric managed to not drown in the next hour how she'd be able to talk him into snogging her in front of Montague. It would be near impossible, of course, Cedric was such a goody two shoes he wouldn't understand the joy of needling Slytherins for the fun of it, and also there was that pesky problem where he only noticed Katie's existence when they played Quidditch against each other, and that was not even a sure thing. He'd certainly never elbow her mid match, for instance. Not to mention, he was dating the prettiest and perhaps most popular girl in the school, and the prettiest girl in the school was not Katie.

"Yeah, okay," Montague said, "like Diggory would pry himself away from his precious Chang to-"

"I thought I was a frigid cock teasing prude," Katie said, "I mean those two things don't really co-exist, but I've known for years your skull is mostly bone, very little brain in there, poor boy–"

"You are a cock tease," Montague said at once, "I guess not fully a prude. You're right, if you're snogging Zabini in dark corridors just to get me mad–"

"Just to get you mad?" Katie and Leanne said in unison.

"Why else?" Montague said.

For the first time, Katie turned fully to look at him. No. The idiot couldn't be serious.

"What?" Montague snapped.

"Maybe she kissed him because he's gorgeous and a good kisser," Leanne said, "ever think about that?"

Katie forced herself to give a smirk. She could leave out the part where Zabini was an arse and she was disgusted with herself for kissing him. Or maybe she wasn't disgusted. Maybe she was happy she'd done something reckless and bold for once, and not felt remorse afterwards.

Montague gave a full body shudder.

"Have you lost your senses, Bell? Have you been bewitching bludgers again, and one hit you in the skull? Should I take you to Pomfrey?"

"You're not taking her anywhere," Leanne said ominously. Leanne was maybe half as tall as him, and weighed about a third of what Montague did, but Katie appreciated it, nonetheless.

"She's good at hexes," Katie said loyally, "you better watch it, Montague."

"I'm better," Montague said bluntly, "in every way. And you do know Zabini is a bigot, right Bell?"

"And you're not?" Katie and Leanne said as one.

Montague had the gall to look offended.

"No, of course not," he said, "I was good friends with our tutor's son growing up, and he was a half-blood!"
Katie guffawed.

"What?" Montague snapped, "what's so funny?"

"He actually thought that proved something," Leanne said, "sad."

"Extremely," Katie nodded.

"No, you know what's sad?" Montague said, "swapping spit with some bloke you don't even like who hates muggleborns because both of you want to make me mad."

"You know what's really sad?" Katie said, "gathering a solid thousand people, including important members of the wizarding world, to watch a dark lake ripple gently in the breeze while we all freeze our arses off."

Leanne laughed, pulling her collar higher on her robe to underscore Katie's point as they were whipped with more frigid winds.

Montague snorted. His mouth twitched.

"Oh, come on," Katie said. "Just laugh like a normal person. I'm very amusing."

"Extremely," Montague drawled, "I was most amused by you tounging my mortal enemy because you're obsessed with me."

"Hark who's talking," Leanne said, "you're so jealous your skin is turning green."

"It's the dungeons," Katie said out of the side of her mouth, "the lack of sunlight turns them into swamp monsters after enough time."

"Jealous?" Montague said, laughing, "Bell, you're wrong, your mate is the funny one. Jealous? of what?"

"Clearly, me getting to snog Zabini," Katie said, doing her best to imitate Montague's drawl. It never sounded quite as biting coming from a Gryffindor, but one of these days she'd perfect it.

"That is sick," Montague said, but he was fighting a laugh again, proving his sense of humor was wildly fucked up from years of Slytherin nonsense, "you do realize he's my half brother?"

"What?" Leanne and Katie said together.

"For fuck's sake, Bell, you didn't pick up on that?" Montague said, exasperated. "My father's a prick and had an affair. Is having an affair. Is probably having many affairs. Whatever."

"You look nothing alike," Leanne said.

"Yeah," Katie said, "Zabini's actually good looking."

Montague's smile vanished.

"He's a twat," he said coldly, "we look different because we have different mothers. For Salazar's sake what do I have to explain to you next, Bell? You do know the stork bringing your parents a baby is a lie?"

"Of course it is," Katie said, "what kind of monster would bring you to some poor unsuspecting family?"

Leanne giggled.

In the lake, a head popped out of the water, then skinny arms were thrashing about.

"Oh no," Leanne said, "that's not–"

"Fuck he's drowning," Katie said with despair. What had she been thinking, picking Harry to win the tournament? Was she going to have to kiss Montague now?

"It's Delacour," Montague said, craning his neck round, "bad luck to both of us. Guess we're still tied."

Katie felt a stab of guilt that she'd just thought Harry was drowning for the second time in one afternoon and her first thought had been horror at being forced to kiss Montague.

They watched as Fleur Delacour screamed something in French as grindylows attacked her legs. Dumbledore waded out to rescue her, and she started fighting him to try to get back to the water.

"Wow," Katie said, "she really wants to win."

"It's the only way to live," Montague said, "I know that's hard for you to understand, Bell, but most people–"

"I beat you every year in Quidditch, you tosser," Katie said, "how's that for wanting to win?"

"Only because of Potter," Montague said, "everyone knows that. If you were stuck with Malfoy, and we had Potter–"

"Please stop boring me with your wet dreams," Katie said.

"Thanks a lot, I'm going to get nightmares," Leanne said, "Malfoy, in Gryffindor? Can you bloody imagine?"

The two girls shuddered in unison.

"He'd get slapped daily," Katie said, "hang on, maybe we can get him resorted into Gryffindor?"

"I still can't believe we missed Hermione slapping him," Leanne sighed, "maybe we could get a what do you call it. That thing? McGonagall talked about it!"

"Oh right," Katie said, "the stone thing. Yeah. The memory thing."

"A pensieve," Montague said, "don't you two know anything–what am I saying? Raised by Muggles. Both of you."

"What was that?" Katie said over the sounds of Fleur shrieking what she was pretty sure were French swears at Dumbledore, "were you about to drop some slurs about our parents? You, Mr. I'm Totally Not a Bigot because of your servant's son?"

"No," Montague said, "and he wasn't a servant, he was–God, you always think the worst of me! When all I was going to do was ask about Granger slapping Malfoy!"

"Don't tell me you don't know!" Leanne said, looking delighted.

"Everyone knows in Gryffindor," Katie said with relish, "Harry and Ron reenacted it for a solid month every night and everything. Leanne, help me out."

"I'll be Hermione," Leanne said eagerly.

"Okay," Katie said, "right." She pushed back her hair and made her best 'I've smelled a peasant' face.' ''Ugh, Granger, how dare you breathe the same air as me. I can't wait until Hagrid's hippogriff dies. I whined like a four year old girl after I baited it into attacking me and yet no one in Slytherin made fun of me for being such a fucking wimp."
Leanne had shook her curly hand round a lot but it still looked far too normal to be Hermione's. But she put on an eerily accurate prissy twist to her lips that was identical to Hermione's face ninety percent of the time.

"We did make fun of him!" Montague said, outraged, "Flint and I laughed until we cried! What a chode, acting like a fucking talon that got healed in a second was–"

"Ahem," Katie said loudly, still doing the Malfoy sneer, "you are ruining our reenactment."

Montague, surprisingly, shut up.

"Well, Malfoy," Leanne said, in a dead-on impression of Hermione's swotty voice, "what can the rest of us expect from a house that lives in a dungeon and worships a man who's into eugenics?"

"Eug–?" Montague looked confused, but the twin glares of Katfoy and Leamione shut him up.

"The amount of effort I put into hating you is very suspicious Granger, I must admit," Katfoy sneered, "almost like…I secretly want you, even though I call you a Mudblood."

"I refuse to believe this happened," Montague said, "and by 'this' I mean Potter and Weasley having this much insight when they reenacted it. There's no way that they've noticed Malfoy's obsession with Grang–"

"Ugh, Montague, do you mind, breathing my air when you're not as pureblood-y pureblood as me?" Katfoy sneered.

"Well Malfoy," Leamione said, "I can't say I haven't noticed how you practically start jerking off whenever I walk into a room and you cover by saying Mudblood repeatedly while you sweat buckets, but–"

Montague cackled. Katie forced herself to keep sneering as Malfoy, even when she'd wanted to join in. Fucking idiot, like she should be laughing with Montague ever!

"Ugh, Granger, how dare you be so sexy yet so forbidden!" Katfoy said, "I will punish you by insulting Hagrid and your best mates over and over! It will surely win you over to loving me."

"Malfoy you half-wit," Leamione said, "like I could ever love a boy who hasn't swallowed half the library and regurgitates it on whim!"

"There is something else you could swallow," Katfoy sneered, and Leamione fake slapped him.

"Augh! Not the face!" Katfoy said, "I've already got generations of inbreeding making me look like a ferret!"

Montague was laughing, and then Leanne was laughing, and then Katie figured if Leanne laughed, she could too.

"What the bloody hell are you three up to?" Fred said, eyeing Montague like he was both a pile of putrid ooze and was a git unworthy of notice, all at once.

"Reenacting the Malfoy slap," Leanne said, "Montague here never heard about it."

"Hermione's finest moment," Fred said, eyes glazing over, "it almost makes it bearable to imagine being trapped with her the rest of my life if she's going to occasionally do things like that."

"Why, planning on taking her from your brother?" Montague said, his smile gone.

"I was actually referring to the day when my brother somehow convinced her to marry him and I'm stuck with her as a sister in law," Fred said, "sorry you're too slow to pick up on that."

"Who asked you to come over here, anyway?" Montague demanded, "I was just talking to Katie here, and–"

"Katie?" Fred said nastily, "oh, did she say you're on a first name basis now?"

"Absolutely not," Katie said, "and–oh, there's Cedric!"

Fred turned and they all watched as Cedric and Cho Chang emerged from the water.

"What the hell was she doing in the lake?" Katie said, baffled.

"Bad luck to you, Bell," Montague said, "I told you he'd never throw over Chang for you. And now you know she's what he most would miss or whatever nonsense Dumbledore said."

"Ah god not Diggory again," Fred groaned, "really, Katie? You too?"

"It's like they're all only able to see,'' Montague said, shaking his head, "and not hear or think."

"He's thick as a wooden plank," Fred agreed.

"He is not," Leanne and Katie said together.

"They're always so defensive," Montague said, "you'd think he was shagging all of them."

"Even the Slytherin girls are under his spell, then?" Fred asked.

"Fuck, yes, it's disgusting, " Montague said, "if I have to hear one more word about Cedric Diggory's dreamy mouth–"

"We'll talk about his dick next time then," Katie said, nettled that Fred had the audacity to be nice to Montague in order to insult Katie and Leanne. There was nothing wrong with Cedric Diggory!

"Like you've seen it," Montague sneered, doing a bang on impression of Katfoy.

"Like you have," Leanne retorted, "maybe all the girls know the truth and that's why we all like him."

Katie fought a laugh. there was no one in the world like Leanne. No one else who got her in the same way.

A shark's head emerged from the water, and then there was Viktor Krum and Hermione choking on freezing squid water.

"Malfoy's going to be pissed," Katie said.

"Ron's sexuality is going to be even more confused than usual," Fred said.

"Malfoy's already furious about the Yule Ball," Montague agreed with Katie, ignoring Fred, "I mean, not that he'd admit it. He's pretending Pansy is the best date you could ask for. But fuck, that pug nose of hers alone–"

"Oh look, something else you two have in common," Fred said, "weren't you stuck with Candace Caradoc and her mole because you couldn't go with Katie?"

"Don't be mean," Katie chided, "I don't need you to tear down another girl–"

"Katie, she's the one who called you a skeleton legged Mudblood," Leanne interjected, "remember? In the library?"

"Ah," Katie said, remembering an older Slytherin girl who'd aggressively attacked Katie's looks three weeks ago without explanation, "right. Carry on, Fred. Hideous troll, for sure."

"A skeleton legged–" Montague cut himself off, "well, sure. That sounds like her. She's not the best company. I'm just passing the time with her until someone better comes along. You understand, Weasley."

Fred turned away from the spectacle that was Hermione's horrifying hair. When it was wet, it apparently became twice as powerful. It was currently trying to kill her and everyone in the vicinity. "What, exactly, does that mean?" he asked, "are you trying to say Ange–"

"Oh no," Montague said, "you misunderstand. I was saying Johnson was using you for a bit of fun until someone better comes along. It won't take much longer. She just has to look about two feet around her to find someone with two knuts to rub together–"

Fred socked Montague in the face, and maybe someone would've noticed other than Katie and Leanne if Harry hadn't chosen that moment to make an incredibly dramatic exit from the lake with not one, but two people.

"Ron's sexuality is going to be really confused," Katie murmured as Fred and Montague rolled around at their feet, biting and scratching like thirteen year old girls. "The thing Harry will most miss is Ron Weasley?"

"Sad," Leanne agreed, "at least pick your pet owl or something over Ron."

"Stop pulling my hair!"

"Then cut it Weasley, it looks like a ginger mop!"

"This puts you and Harry in last," Leanne grimaced, "right? Or is he second to last? I can't do maths well. Better pucker up for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Or-Else-He'll-Tell-Daddy-To-Get-You."

"That's my rib, you plonker!"

"Eat some food, you half starved–"

"Well, when's the last time you got trained in maths?" Katie asked reasonably, pretending she hadn't heard the part about being forced to kiss Montague, "when we were eleven? You know Hogwarts doesn't think we need to know those silly things like maths and reading."

"Not all of us want to look like roast beef, you twat!"

"Better than a cinnamon coated shi tzu!"

"Or physical education," Leanne said, "how to pay a bill. Writing with proper grammar. Sexual education."

"Can you imagine?" Katie shuddered. "Who would've taught us?"

"She's never going to want you!"

"She's never going to want you!"

The two girls made eye contact in terror filled realization.

"McGonagall," they said in unison, and shuddered.

Dumbledore was shouting something about Harry having moral fiber.

"Like he's a healthy choice of breakfast cereal," Leanne said idly.

"Why aren't we friends anymore?" Katie said.

"What?" Leanne frowned, "what are you talking about?"

"I haven't seen you in years," Katie said, "or have I, and I've forgotten that too?"

"Why do you look different?" Leanne blinked.

Katie looked down, at her older, adult body and not the twig legs she'd had for years due to a sudden growth spurt at the age of twelve.

"Where are you?" Katie said, "Do you hate me? Did we have a falling out?"

Montague was wrestling air.

"What the–where did Weasley go?" It wasn't the beefy, hairy Montague. It was her Montague.

Leanne screamed, or maybe it was Katie.

"Katie!" Montague shouted, and suddenly she was staring at Oliver Wood on her ceiling again. He wasn't winking though. He looked concerned.

"Drink this," Hermione said, shoving a cup of tea in her hand, "you've been out for hours."

Katie pushed her hair out of her eyes. She was sweating, and it stuck to her forehead.

"I know who it was," she said, "the person who's altering my mind."

"Who?" Harry, Hermione, and Montague said together.

"It's…I think it's Leanne," Katie said, her hand shaking so badly tea fell onto her chest.

Author's Note: My muse has DUMPED ME recently, so sorry for the lack of updates.