AN: I got this idea while watching Manifest the other day and have been wanting to write it ever since. I borrowed the general concept from Manifest, but besides the plane disappearing and coming back, I do not plan on following its storyline. I know it has been a while since I've posted anything, and I promise that there are new chapters of tartaruga on the way. I just got really excited about this. I hope you all enjoy! -L

It had been five years.

Five years since her wife and daughter's plane had disappeared into thin air.

Five years since she'd found herself once again grieving the only people she cared about. Except it had been ten times harder, because when her Mama had passed, she'd still had Andrea. When Andrea had passed, she'd had Maya. But with one split second decision to save money on their next trip to Italy, she'd lost her sole support system and become the sole caretaker of her daughter all in one fell swoop.

The plane had never been found, but eventually the leads ran cold and there wasn't much else that could be done. Carina knew better than anyone that sometimes it was careless to continue putting effort into a lost cause when there were more pressing matters to be handled. She had learned this from her work, but it was also the main takeaway that she had from becoming a single mother.

Carina's grieving process was quite specific. She'd experienced a lot of loss in her life and there were defense mechanisms that she'd adopted in order to protect herself from reliving old moments of loss in the face of new loss. However, unsurprisingly, these defense mechanisms regularly did more to hurt than help, often only exacerbating the vicious emotions that Carina was already fighting.

When her wife and daughter had been two of over a hundred people reported missing in the wake of a prolonged lack of communication with Flight 828, there had been no room for shutting down and lying on the shower floor. She may have lost one of her daughters, but the other one was looking at her with Maya's baby blues, glistening with unshed tears. She was begging her mama to see her, begging for her to tell her what happened. And Carina was standing in the doorway of her co-worker's house praying for any reason not to have to tell the thirteen-year-old that her mom and sister weren't coming home.

She'd had to learn how to grieve in a whole new way. She'd had to learn how to hold her daughter close when her whole body was screaming at her that the gesture was too soft. Because Carina may have lost half of her home, but she would be damned if her shitty coping habits had any effect on her daughter.

For so long Carina hadn't known what it felt like to be held even in her hardest moments, because her parents never had. When she'd first dipped her toe into sex and romance, Carina had finally felt someone else's arms wrapped around her. In the beginning it had made her more nervous than anything, which was why she'd often turned to one-night stands where no cuddling was required. However, eventually she'd begun to crave a deeper physical touch, and each time she'd received it, it was like a part of her grisly childhood was being repaired. Being held by someone was a wildly emotional experience for Carina no matter her headspace. Hence when she was struggling, especially with grief, those emotions would boil over and Carina was unable to prevent herself from being lost in the grief. Eventually she'd have to feel it, but it was easier to let it out in snippets, as to avoid becoming a broken shell that would only further inconvenience those around her.

With her daughter, she couldn't afford to do either. Aria was the priority. Aria's grief was the priority. If she didn't hold her, then no one would, and then her own trauma would become her daughter's. That was more painful than any loss.

The anniversaries were the hardest. That hadn't changed, and it never would. Especially when they overlapped with an unplanned overnight at the hospital, which had been happening more frequently since Aria had started at the fire academy. Carina hadn't been surprised. Becoming a firefighter was pretty much all Aria had talked about since the very moment she could say the word "mom" out loud without dissolving into tears. Maya was Aria's idol, and she had been long before she'd ever gotten on that plane.

Carina could hear Maya's voice in her head so vividly.

"I can't believe you actually let Aria join the academy. After all those nights I came home to you a mess on the bathroom floor because you were convinced I was unconscious in a pile of ash somewhere."

Losing Maya had changed things for Carina. She had never become the unconscious pile of ash that Carina was so deathly afraid that she would. Instead, Maya had floated away on the clouds, 40,000 feet above Carina's childhood home. In reality, no one had any idea where Maya had actually disappeared. It was a long flight from Sicily to Seattle, and much of it was along the ocean. However, when Carina envisioned it, which happened more frequently than was likely healthy, she liked to imagine that her wife and daughter were living out eternity in Italy together.

Maya's childhood wish to fall asleep on the clouds had finally been fulfilled.

Despite the many early mornings where Carina had been yanked from sleep by the sound of her wife being called away to a five alarm. Where she had weakly mumbled an "I love you" and attempted to pull Maya as close as she could when she leaned in for the inevitable kiss goodbye. Where the door closed with a thud and Carina was left to toss and turn with ever increasing anxiety and bury her head in her wife's pillow in an attempt to trick herself that Maya was still there beside her. Despite the dread that had filled the pit of Carina's stomach every time she was paged to the ER, not knowing for sure until she got there whether it would be her wife lying on the gurney. Despite the countless nights she'd driven to the station at 1 am because she couldn't stand one more moment without seeing Maya in the flesh. Despite all of this, Maya hadn't died in a fire. She'd died on plane.

So as the years went by, and Aria was just as serious about joining the academy, Carina didn't try to persuade her otherwise. People died every day, doing things that they did every day, and sometimes those same people lived because a first responder was there to ensure that they did. That hadn't been the case for Maya and Isa, but if Aria followed in her late mother's footsteps, and became the crusader that her wife had once been, who was Carina to stop her. Not when she'd feared every day that she would lose Maya to a fire, and she'd lost her to a plane.

Now it was five years later, and Aria was deep in her training, and Carina was standing in her office at Grey Sloan watching the first apartment that she and Maya had ever shared together burn to the ground. Carina had never before watched the footage of a fire so intently. In the past she'd avoided fire coverage all together. It was one thing to know that her wife was there, and it was another thing altogether to watch her in action. But now here she was, watching their first home together burn down as Maya's former teammates urgently tried to stop it.

Carina hadn't talked to any of them but Ben since the funeral. They hadn't exactly been on the best terms with Maya when everything had gone down. Although, Carina had to admit that she had partially been to blame for that distance. She'd watched for two years as the people that were supposed to have Maya's back had continuously turned a blind eye while the Seattle Fire Department had used her as a scapegoat for why women should not hold positions of power within the department, all the while taking advantage of the ambition of the first female chief to do so. Granted, there had been plenty of moments during that time where Carina herself had been beyond frustrated with her wife. The blackmail, and Maya's decision to hide it from her, along with the aftermath on the roof where Carina had regrettably just about confirmed Maya's worst fears of being too broken to love, had been a low moment for the both of them. However, it had led to Maya finally getting into regular therapy, which had done wonders for their relationship as well as Maya's attitude surrounding the repeated incidents at work. Perfect timing, too, as Carina had become pregnant with Aria shortly thereafter. As for the other members of Maya's team, once Carina was back in synch with Maya, she soon started to pick up on an atmosphere that scared her.

The day that Carina had held Maya while she broke down about being "the truck" was the day that Carina had begun to realize, as she'd watched the blonde allow her strongest wall to fall away, that the feelings that she felt for Maya were so much stronger than she had ever felt for anyone. It was also the day that Carina had felt her heart shatter into a million pieces, because the woman in her arms went to the station every day and worked herself into the ground guiding her friends unscathed through countless life-or-death situations, and in return she was met with cold shoulders and cold words. Maya had earned her spot as captain fair and square, and she was doing a damn good job at it, and her coworkers were too busy being petty and childish because of some stupid unspoken agreement that the station was Andy's to have.

However, this was worse. This was worse because Maya believed that her team was there for her. She believed that maybe even if it didn't always seem like they were on her side, that they were still there to love her and distract her and poke fun at the stupidity of so many Seattle residents. Maya had learned from her recent misunderstanding with Carina that being on someone's side didn't always look like unconditional support, especially when that person was being self-destructive.

But Carina heard things. She heard things that she wasn't supposed to hear, and she'd heard them before their reconciliation too, but before it had been just noise filling the void that her wife was too caught up in her chaos to fill.

Post therapy, and conception, each word was in the forefront of Carina's mind. That Maya was still the person that she'd used to be, before coming to terms with her father's abuse. That she'd never changed and was just putting on a front. That they felt bad for Carina for who she had married. It all made Carina utterly furious. Who were they to pretend to be Maya's friends, then consistently turn on her when she needed them most and talk about her behind her back, and talk about their marriage? Maya was the best person that had ever happened to Carina. She was her home. And sometimes there was a storm, and her home needed a little help to be her safe space again, but Maya always did the work in the end. She did the work to return home to Carina at the end of every shift, and she did the work to heal from years of trauma in order to be the best partner that Carina could ask for.

Maya did this for her friends too. Yet, they had never seemed to be able to appreciate it in the way that Carina did.

Eventually, when Carina had believed that Maya was strong enough. When she'd trusted that learning the truth about the extent of the gossip would not send her wife spiraling backwards into a pit of self-deprecation and anger, destroying all of the progress that she had made with Dr. Lewis, she'd sat Maya down and told her everything that she'd noticed or overheard. Maya had looked up at her in such a Maya way, maintaining a calm façade that hid even a glimpse of her true thoughts and feelings. Carina had memorized every inch of Maya's face though, so when the "I know" tumbled from Maya's lips, she wasn't surprised. She'd known as soon as she looked her wife in the eye that none of what she'd said had been breaking news.

"Bambina. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you?" Maya snapped, then immediately softened, lifting her hand to Carina's cheek. She hated that occasionally her go to reaction was still to jump to anger.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Maya. I am just worried about you." Carina lifted her own hand to cover Maya's, gently pushing it over so that she could press a kiss to Maya's palm.

"I didn't say anything because I was ashamed. Trying to black mail Chief Ross was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. I felt backed into a corner, because I had waited so long for a proper trial, or at least an explanation for why my case was being handled the way that it was. But it wasn't fair to the chief, it wasn't fair to my team, and it wasn't fair to you." Maya looked at Carina again. This time her face was far from expressionless. Carina almost couldn't read her.

Maya continued, "I have to live with that, and if my team needs to talk a little smack to feel better about the situation that I've put us in, then I am in no position to object." Carina huffed in response, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Maya cocked her head and gave Carina an amused smirk.

"What?"

"This is exactly why I hate it when they treat you like this. You can't see, bella, that you deserve forgiveness for your mistakes just as much as anyone else."

"I know that I don't not deserve forgiveness, Carina, but I also know that not, not deserving it doesn't mean that I have a right to demand it." Carina huffed again, this one even more impassioned than the last.

"I know that you are not an addict, Maya. I know that now that you are levelheaded and thinking maturely that you do not think that you have the right to point out the inherent differences in the way that your insubordination was handled as opposed to Sullivan's drug use. I know that you are not an addict, but I believe that in some ways your behavior is on par with one. Addiction is a disease, but so is PTSD. Your trauma responses are just as valid as Sullivan's cravings. His brain chemistry was altered by a substance, and yours by your father's abuse."

Maya knew Carina was smart. In fact, the Italian was one of the smartest people Maya knew. Then Carina would go on some tangent about a theory that she had, and Maya would find herself realizing all over again how smart her wife truly was. Each time she would fall in love with her a little more, because the woman that she was lucky enough to call hers was beyond incredible.

"You broke protocol to save the life of a little bambino, yes, but it was to save a life. It was to save that little boy, or it was to save me and Andrea, or it was to protest in support of the importance of thousands of lives that are lost due to the biases that those of us who are not affected refuse to acknowledge in this country. You broke protocol to stand up in support of your battalion chief when he was struggling with an addiction that threatened to end his career all because my colleagues in the medical field are far too quick to hand out a prescription to no end."

These were the words that Maya had longed to hear. She'd longed to hear them since the very moment that she'd read the email that had put a damper on their wedding day. She knew that it was her fault that it had taken so long to hear them, but she was so relieved that she finally was. Even if she wouldn't believe them, Carina did, and that made Maya feel like she was on top of the world.

"And, si, when it all came to fruition, you made a bad judgement call about the correct way to handle your anger, because your father taught you that the only way to get ahead was to put other people down. For years, bella, your father made you believe that your rank was your worth, and he treated you accordingly. It makes sense that after being demoted and waiting a year and half just to be told that you wouldn't be getting a hearing, that you would revert to the ways that you were taught early on. Maya, in your mind, your worth still revolves around that rank so it is only natural that you would use whatever you had available to you in a desperate attempt to get that rank back, just as it was near impossible for Sullivan to ignore his body when it was screaming at him for a substance that it had come to depend on."

"Your mind tricks you into believing that it is life or death for you to be the best, because when you were a child, it was. Addicts' minds trick them into thinking that without their respective substance or substances, that they will die."

"Carina-" Carina shook her head to stop Maya from interrupting.

"I'm not finished. I need to say my piece because I have been longing to for months, but you weren't ready to hear it then, and now you are, and I need you to hear it."

"Okay."

"Blackmailing the chief was idiotic. I think you are right in saying that it is one of the stupidest things that you have done. However, Maya, you made that decision when you were in the throes of your PTSD. Sullivan made the decisions that he made when he was fighting an addiction. He was reinstated. Perhaps for the very reasons that you tried to use against your boss, but reinstated, nonetheless. Beckett—he's done way worse, and, si, he is an addict as well, but the department never even knew this and they still looked in the opposite direction. You can take responsibility for your actions, and you should, but you cannot deny that you are being treated unfairly when other members of your team have also made mistakes. Not even just Sullivan and Beckett. I mean, Travis blamed Ruiz for Michael's death, and Victoria did too once she found out. Everyone has since forgiven him. Everyone accepts him for his shortcomings and his strengths. I do not understand why they are incapable of doing the same for you."

"I love you." Maya didn't know what else to say. It had been a long two years, but it had also been an amazing two years. There had been so many moments over the course of their marriage that she would do all of the bad over again just to experience once more. This was turning out to be one of those moments. She and Carina had been out of synch. For six months they'd been out of synch. But now they were okay, and Carina still knew exactly what to say to make Maya's nonchalantness over the cruel words of her supposed friends almost real.

"I love you, and I am so sorry that I was so reluctant to get the help that I needed to be the wife, and someday mother that you and our future children deserve." she leaned forward, brushing away the hair that had fallen over Carina's eyes while she had been delivering her speech.

"Thank you for being my biggest supporter, and for caring about my wellbeing even when I am creating chaos and you are mad at me. Thank you for being my home." It was a direct contradiction to the heat of the moment declaration that Maya had spewed at her wife twice in under 24 hours following Beckett's expose of her secret. Carina's eyes, now visible again, threatened to pool over with tears. Instead, she sniffled hard, and gathered Maya's face in her hands. She kissed her, hard, hoping that it would alleviate any lingering doubts that Maya may have had about her worth.

"Ti amo, bambina." There was a long pause, and then, "Have you given any thought to what you will do about the team?"

"You were right that my behavior can be attributed to my past experiences, but that is true for the team as well. Each one of them has responded to this situation in the way that they have because of their own experiences. Andy went to warn Sullivan, because this is not the first time that I have tried to drag someone down with me while 'eyes forward.' Vic makes jokes and says stuff that she doesn't mean, because every time she meets a guy she likes, she is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it usually does. In the past, it usually has. So, she says dumb things because she's afraid of ending up married to a man who turns out to be a 'nasty blackmailer.'"

It made Carina feel sick to her stomach to know that Maya had overheard that particular comment. Maya was right. Victoria had said what she'd said as a result of her own insecurities, but it didn't make it any easier to know that Maya could have thought that there was any legitimacy to Carina having regrets about their marriage.

"Si. They distance themselves from you for protection. Would you not then be justified to do the same?"

Maya shrugged.

"I guess I would be. I don't know if I would feel right about it though. If my hope is to get back to the way that things were, to get my friends back, then wouldn't putting more space between us be counterintuitive?"

"Not if it is what you need to stay healthy."

Maya had agreed to give it a shot, and as time went on she'd realized that when she was in control of her interactions with them, it became possible for her to legitimately ignore the chatter that in the past may have sent her on a war path. Throughout Carina's pregnancy, and Aria's early years, it had just been the two of them. They'd occasionally gone to dinner at Ben and Bailey's to see Pru, but otherwise Maya had steered clear of her coworkers when she wasn't actively working. Eventually, Isa had been born, and Maya had been so busy that she'd barely had time to pee, let alone fight back when her shifts devolved into desk duty and subbing.

She loved her job. She always had. Nothing could quite match the feeling of a firegasm, but Carina was the expert on female pleasure, and she reminded Maya of that frequently. Plus, one look at her daughters was enough to boost her mood for the whole day. For someone who had been so scared of parenting, Maya was pretty good at it. When the family of four had left on their routine trip to Italy, one that they had not been anticipating to end in tragedy, Maya had all but made up her mind. Nineteen was the only station that she'd ever known, and for so long she had considered everyone in it her family, and despite everything that had gone down, Maya was still saddened at the possibility of leaving. But she also loved being a firefighter, and she would rather leave than be blackballed into early retirement and a less than apt pension.

The fire was still raging, and Carina could hear Andy's voice bellowing orders, so succinct above the others. It was a voice that she had come to know quite well in the early years of her relationship with Maya, and she wondered if Andy knew what building it was. She figured she had to. She had lived there more than once. But it had been a long time, and the apartment didn't mean nearly as much to Andy as it did to Carina. Also, she was unsure if Maya even meant as much to Andy as she once had. For so long, Carina had struggled to understand their relationship, and why it worked. A confusion that Carina anticipated was not all that different from the one that Maya had felt over her relationship with Gabriella. Yet she did believe that for the duration of their friendship Andy had loved Maya. Perhaps she even still did. But as was true for many a relationship, love was not always enough.

Carina wondered if it was a sign. Their first apartment burning down on the five-year anniversary of Maya's death was a sizeable coincidence. She sighed, wiping away the tears that had begun to roll down her cheeks. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, in desperate need of a re-read of the text her daughter had sent her earlier in the day. Saw Mom and Isa in my dream this morning. They wanted me to tell you they love you. Thinking of you today. Miss you lots, Mama 3 Aria. Her own response had yet to go through. Carina wasn't surprised. Some days Aria had unlimited access to her phone, and others it was off for a whole weekend. It was a bit triggering for Carina to not be able to reach Aria, especially given that she was training to run into burning buildings, but unlike when Maya had failed to answer a text when she was at work, Carina knew that it was normal for Aria to not have her phone on her, so she was okay with waiting. Even if sometimes it made her heart beat a little faster.

Her worry was soon interrupted by the breaking news tone emitting from the TV. Carina couldn't remember the last time she had heard it in real time. Live television had recently been heading in the direction of the dinosaurs.

"We interrupt your local programming to bring you news of a surprising turn of events. Five years ago today, Catania Flight 828 with nonstop service from Sicily to Seattle was supposed to touch down at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport at 6:30 pm. The flight never landed, and it did not take long for air control to lose any line of communication. As I am sure many of you remember, the remains of the plane were never recovered, but it was eventually marked a cold case. 2 hours ago, five years to the date after flight 828 took off from Catania International Airport and promptly disappeared, it finally touched down on U.S. soil. The plane was detoured to DC in an attempt to figure out where these passengers have been for half a decade, but to those of you at home who are holding your breath right now because the inept twenty five year old on your television screen is telling you that your loved one isn't actually dead, you'd better thank your lucky stars, because a miracle has occurred today. We will have more coverage on this breaking news story following a few words from our sponsors."

It was definitely a sign.