A/N: So, this is a new story, but it's a short one. How do I know that? Because it's all basically written-all five chapters of it. I'll post it over the next several days.

No One Is To Blame

"No One Is To Blame" by Howard Jones

Chapter 1: Feel the Pain

May 13th, 2001

It was dark in the bedroom when Mac awoke the first time, save for the soft glow that emanated from the kitchen. She could hear Harm moving about and the occasional sound of pots being moved and dishes being set down. He was obviously cooking something, and no doubt he expected her to eat it. Unfortunately for him, he was destined to be disappointed. The last thing Mac wanted to do was eat. She was too tired, tired enough to feel utterly sick, and even the five hours she had slept in Harm's bed hadn't fixed that. She wondered if anything ever would.

Crying silently, Mac rolled over to reach for Harm's pillow, and once she had it in hand, she buried her face in it, letting her tears soak the fabric that still carried his scent.

She must have dozed off, for the next thing she knew, Harm was sitting next to her, his hand on her shoulder. "Mac, hon, I've got supper ready. I can bring it in here for you if you want."

Mac shook her head and buried it further into the pillow. "I'm not hungry."

"Mac, you need—"

"I just want to sleep," she mumbled, and after several seconds, she heard him say a soft "Okay, Mac." He drew the covers back over her shoulders, then brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She could feel him watching her, his big, warm hand on her shoulder, before he finally turned to go. Mac was out before he even made it to the steps leading from his bedroom.

May 14th, 2001

The next time Mac woke, the early morning son was streaming through the window. She felt better though still tired, but her desire to stay in bed was more related to the want to hide away from the world than actual fatigue. Eventually, however, she had to get up to answer nature's call, and once that task was completed, she grabbed Harm's bathrobe from where it hung next to the shower, wrapped it around herself, then headed down the nearby steps to face the day.

She found Harm standing in his kitchen drinking coffee while flipping through the morning paper. She gave him a small smile as he looked up, then slid onto the barstool across from him.

"Hey," he greeted her quietly.

"Hey, yourself," she answered, not wanting to meet his eyes. Instead, she nervously picked at some invisible lint on her sleeve, her face flushing under his scrutiny.

Harm slid a fresh cup of coffee in front of her, then after a slight hesitation, he reached across the island again and touched her arm. "Can we talk about it?"

"Harm, I—"

"Mac, please. Please tell me why you showed up here yesterday, soaked through, after I hadn't heard from you all week."

"I'm sorry."

Harm came around to her side of the island and turned her on the stool to face him. He cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing it softly. "Mac, honey, don't be sorry. Just tell me what happened." Mac took a deep breath.

There was a pounding on his door, almost frantic in its rhythm. It startled him; Harm wasn't expecting anyone, and he was already on edge. There was a storm raging, outside and in his head. He had been trying to reach Mac since Tuesday to no avail, and not even the admiral knew what was really going on. All they knew was that she had called in for the rest of the week. Harm's concern for her was growing by the minute.

"I borrowed your robe. I hope you don't mind." Harm's eyes widened at her non sequitur, but Mac didn't see them as she still wouldn't look at him.

"I can see that and no, I don't mind. Just tell me what happened, Mac."

There was flash of lightening followed by a loud clap of thunder. It reverberated throughout the loft and caused Harm to jump again, while the incessant knocking grew louder. "I'm coming," Harm muttered with irritation, little prepared for what he found on the other side of the door.

"I, uh, don't know where to start, Harm." Mac's hands surrounded her mug of cooling coffee, and Harm could see her grip tightening and her knuckles whitening. He gently pried her fingers away from the cup to prevent it from shattering and pushed it aside.

"Mac, why don't we go sit on the couch and talk?" He wrapped his hand around her upper arm and gently tugged, only meaning to help her off the stool, but she pulled away from him almost violently, nearly toppling them both.

"Mac, what—"

"Oh, god, Harm, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" she cried, and then, much like last night, she burst into tears.

"Mac!" Harm gazed down at the bedraggled, soaking wet woman in front of him. "What happened?" Mac didn't say anything. She just threw herself into his arms and sobbed into his chest.

"Mac, sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay." Harm pulled the sobbing woman into his embrace and felt her arms go around him. She held him tightly, so tightly it was hard to breathe, but he would endure it for her. Last night she'd been so weak and shaky he'd had to support most of her weight. Harm swallowed hard, feeling the sting of tears in his own eyes. She seemed so distraught, and he still had no idea what had happened to her.

"Come on, Mac. Let's get you out of these wet clothes." He turned her and wrapped his arm around her still shaking shoulders, then urged her toward his bedroom. "I'll get you something you can wear."

"Okay, Harm. Thanks," she replied, speaking for the first time.

"You're welcome, Mac." He gave her a little squeeze. "Everything is going to be okay," he soothed, hoping desperately he was right.

"Come on, Mac. Let's sit, okay?" Harm said as her tears slowed. She nodded and together they made their way to his couch. Once he had her settled, he ran his hand over her hair. "I'm going to get you some water and make you some eggs, all right? And then we're going to talk, Mac." Mac looked as if she was about to protest, but then she sighed resignedly and nodded. She shivered a bit, so Harm wrapped the blanket that was draped on the back of his sofa around her. She pulled it closer around herself and thanked him, her voice still having a little hitch in it, and then he went to get her some sustenance. He was relieved she was allowing him to do this; she had adamantly refused his offerings yesterday.

"Mac, why don't you take a shower to warm up. Just let me throw these in the bathroom first." He set the sweats he'd pulled out of a drawer and placed them on the toilet, then turned on the water. He made sure it was nice and hot, squeezed her shoulder gently, then left to make her some tea.

"Here you go, Mac." Harm set a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs in front of her, along with a large glass of water.

"Thank you, Harm. I'll get out of your hair after this."

Harm looked at her askance. "You most certainly won't, Mac. Something happened to you, and you need to tell me about it. You need to tell me why you showed up here soaked to the skin and so weak and tired I had to carry you to bed."

"Harm, I—" Harm gave her his sternest glare. "I—okay, Harm." She set down her plate and fork and drew her knees to her chest.

"Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Eat first. Eating is non-negotiable right now." Mac blinked at him a few times, then nodded, once again picking up her simple meal, while visions of the day before filled Harm's mind.

Harm was just placing his tea kettle on the burner when a loud crash from the bathroom jolted him from his thoughts. "Mac!" he shouted as he dropped the kettle. It missed the stove and fell to the floor, the clang of its metal body ringing in his ears as he ran toward the bathroom. He found her lying on the floor, looking dazed, one of his shelving units on top of her.

"Mac, oh my god, what happened?" He quickly lifted the shelves off her, then ran his hands over her, assessing for injuries. Mac had curled into a ball, crying once again, and when he didn't find any obvious cuts or broken bones, he sat down next to her and once again pulled her into his arms. She resisted at first, then finally uncurled and let him hold her on his lap.

"Mac, sweetheart, please…please tell me what's going on. I want to help, and I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

Harm waited several seconds and just when he was about to despair about her letting him in, she spoke.

"H-H-Harm, I haven't…I've barely slept in the last seven days."

"Oh, Mac. Why not?" She ignored him.

"I-I was just standing in here looking in the mirror, and I-I think I fell asleep standing up. I guess I took the shelf down with me. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Mac, but why haven't you slept?"

"Harm, I c-can't. I can't think straight."

"I suppose not. You can crash here, all right?"

Mac shook her head against him. "No, I shouldn't. I should go."

No, you won't, Mac, he thought to himself. Then he had another thought.

"Mac, did you drive here?"

"I, uh, no, I didn't. I walked."

"From Georgetown? In this storm?"

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Oh, Mac, why?"

"I didn't know where else to go."

"Mac, honey…Okay, let's get you changed, then you're going to eat something, and then I'll put you to bed."

"No, Harm. Don't go to any trouble. I don't think I could eat anything now anyway."

Harm frowned. "How long has it been since you ate something? Mac? Tell me."

"I-I don't know. Yesterday morning? Maybe the day before that."

"Then you have to eat.'

Mac abruptly pushed away from him. "I said NO, dammit!"

"Mac—"

"Harm, I don't think I could keep anything down. I feel terrible. I need to sleep. Can I just sleep for a while?"

Harm pursed his lips as she collapsed against him again. She was clearly weaker than when he saw her on Monday, and he admitted to himself it terrified him. He really should take her to a hospital, but knowing how she'd react to that, he decided he'd get her to drink some water and allow her to rest while he watched over her.

"Okay, Mac. Let's get you into bed, but after you have some water."

Mac agreed and then he filled a glass, holding it for her as she drank when her hands shook too much to do so herself. He had then been planning to leave and allow her to finish changing, but it soon became apparent she wasn't going to be able to do that on her own either. Harm helped her take off her shirt, turning his head after a glimpse of her bra. Unfortunately, it too was wet and there was no way she'd be able to remove it in her state. Harm could tell she was embarrassed as he unhooked it and drew the lacy garment down her arms while doing his best to keep his eyes averted. He then helped with her pants, removing them along with her panties before assisting her into the sweats he'd laid out for her. He forced himself not to give into the urge to look upon her body, though he thought perhaps he should; she might have injuries.

Once he had her dressed, Harm stood, lifting Mac with him, but her body had reached its limit and she sagged against him. He quickly scooped her up and laid her on his bed, then tucked the blankets around her. She murmured a thank you before falling asleep, and Harm spent the next five hours waiting and worrying.

Mac set down her plate on the table in front of her, managing to have eaten a little over half of her eggs. She then sipped at her water slowly, clearly stalling, and Harm wanted to take the glass from her and tell her to stop it. She needed the hydration though, so he held his tongue. After what seemed like hours, she finally finished, then curled into the corner of the couch. Harm wished he could pick her up and hold her, but her bearing was of one who didn't wish to be touched.

"When you're ready, Mac."

Mac nodded as her eyes filled with tears. "Harm?"

"Yeah, hon?"

"Mic saw the kiss."

End Chapter 1