Chapter 1: The Reckoning
I shut my eyes as tightly as I could. I could still hear the screams as we moved farther and farther down the cavernous halls. Edwards arm wrapped around me and it felt constricting- everything felt constricting, my breath hitched up. I shoved his arm away as soon as we were left in a lobby-like room with the human women.
One of the Volturi spoke to Edward and Alice but I couldn't hear anything. I gulped down but my throat was completely dry. I needed everything turned off, for a couple moments at least I needed to crawl into the hole I had dug into all those months ago when he left. I needed to stop being. I checked for the hole in my chest. Don't swallow me yet. I need time.
"Would you like anything? Tea? Coffee?"
I stared at the woman behind the desk, how many people did she watch get killed? How many would she kill when they gave her what she wanted? Her hands already had blood on them. "No."
"Are you sure?..." her eyes trailed over me "you look a bit ill"
"I'm fine." walk Bella. Get in the chair. Sit. It took me two repeats to follow through and when I did it didn't even feel like I had any control over myself. I was slipping into autopilot and I welcomed it. I shut my eyes again and wished for it.
A cold hand pressed itself to my shoulder and I involuntarily flinched. "Bella, are you okay?"
"Yes"
I could sense Alice frowning. She shook me a little but I stayed firm in place. For the first time, I was stoic. I was under layers of cement. Hiding under the thick plaster.
"No one's gonna hurt you. You're alright… we're leaving soon anyway. Trust the mind reader" her chuckle seemed far away. I imagined myself swatting at the words from underwater No one's gonna hurt you but I couldn't and I let myself sink.
I was afraid he wouldn't be there when I opened my eyes. I knew logically he couldn't leave until they let us but some part of me knew he would be gone as soon as he could. He wouldn't make that mistake again. He had said he let it go on too long the first time. When I opened my eyes he would be gone and I would leave too big a chunk of myself here waiting like a dog with a stick. No survival. When I opened my eyes I would see him, a dead man walking, and he would say goodbye just like he had before and I would leave too big a chunk of myself here waiting like a dog with a stick. No survival.
And if he didn't?
I let myself imagine. When I opened my eyes he would stand there, dead man walking, and tell me what he had said in the arch. And I would drop my stick at his feet and beg him to keep me around.
I knew it was time to go now.
I opened my eyes. I didn't look. I couldn't. I was Charlie in the driveway begging Renee and she would leave, and she would take me, and she never listened to him. To his confessions and it was so hard for him to say and she never listened and it was too much. Being charlie. You grow up and you learn from your parents' mistakes. But I had just repeated them. I was too young, and no one ever told me when people love you they hurt you. I didn't even know.