Home is Not a Place
"That never stopped us before!" Rachel said with resolution, but completely ignoring reality. After all, it was only a few weeks ago in her father's house that this "not being a good idea" had stopped them. Well, it had stopped him at least – she couldn't have cared less about the consequences herself.
Tonight, however, he too was apparently willing to push all reason aside. Probably because now he was just as vulnerable as she was. There was no advantage to be taken, only two broken people trying to convey with their actions what their words couldn't say.
Whatever the case, he was all in – and so was she.
After an enthusiastic agreement from him, they were all over each other again, falling backwards onto his bed in each other's arms.
The clothes came off quickly and each discarded item deepened Rachel's desire so strongly that it almost physically hurt. She not only wanted him, she needed him. Bad.
His smell was everywhere – on his sweaty skin, on the soft sheets, on the heavy air around them. His magic hands were touching her in all the right places, quickly followed by his mouth, leaving hers to expertly explore the rest of her body. Behind her ear, down her neck, her breasts, the ticklish patch of skin beneath her navel. Rachel was already breathless before even reached his final destination.
"Ohhh, Ross." She whispered throatily and bit her bottom lip to try to keep herself quiet.
But the lustful sounds escaping from her only spurred him on and he responded by amping up his actions, which instantly heightened her pleasure.
She grabbed fistfuls of sheets and surrendered herself completely to him – the one man she ever truly loved, the man who knew his way around her body like no one else. Oh, let the neighbors hear, she thought to herself. She didn't care anymore about anything other than this moment, everything else faded into the background.
God, this was incredible.
He was incredible.
She was so close to the edge, so very close…
"Ross…"
Rachel gasped softly and her eyes snapped open, her body twitching slightly in her narrow seat. Oh fuck, she thought to herself as she looked around the dark quiet plane cabin, her cheeks burning hot.
Dinner had been served a while ago and the lights were dimmed to give everyone a chance to rest before they landed in Paris the next morning. Thankfully, everyone around her was apparently sleeping and her little "experience" had gone unnoticed.
Sex dreams could be fun, a lot of fun even, but most definitely not in such a public place.
Well, if she were to get technical, this was actually less of a dream and more of a flashback.
With a deep sigh, Rachel closed her eyes and was once again hit by very vivid memories of the previous night. She could swear she could still feel the pressure of his grip, the texture of his tongue, the weight of his body, the increasing rhythm of his thrusts…
Her eyes opened wide again, surprised, trying to snap out of it.
From the aisle seat, it was easy to escape into the bathroom.
Inside the tiny compartment, Rachel looked at herself in the mirror and considered splashing some cold water onto her face, but decided against it because she didn't want to ruin her make up.
She had had such a busy and long day that she hadn't had the time to process everything – or anything, really. It had been easy for her to push thoughts of what had happened, and what was happening to her, to the back of her mind. But now that she'd finally slowed down, everything was hitting her all at once:
Leaving NYC. Leaving her friends and family. Leaving him – who was both her friend and family.
She blinked emotionlessly at her own reflection.
Wow, Rachel Green. You're really doing this.
This was the second time in her life she was hitting the reset button and leaving everything behind.
It was mighty brave of her actually, and she really admired herself for it. But this bravery didn't come without some apprehension. Heck, she could admit it to herself: she was scared, terrified even.
After all, this was not like moving to New York from Long Island, not even close. If things didn't go as planned this time, packing up and leaving wouldn't be as simple. A plan B would be so much harder. She couldn't drop everything and run back to her parents, like she knew she could have done if things hadn't gone well with Monica. And, heck, she wasn't running to a friend, the one true friend she'd ever had before. Instead, she was moving to a totally different country with a different language and different culture, while relying only on herself to succeed.
But then again this was also unlike her previous experience in the sense that she wasn't a helpless little girl anymore – and she wasn't exactly alone this time either. She was heading to a very nice job in one of the most beautiful cities in the world with a sweet, beautiful daughter in tow. She was a real adult this time, and each passing day made her feel more and more comfortable in this role.
Back when she first lived with Monica, she honestly didn't have to worry about much. Her friend not only didn't mind cleaning the apartment and doing the dishes herself, but being the control freak she was she actually preferred it that way. And it wasn't just the cleaning. Monica also paid the bills, cooked and did most of the shopping, in addition to keeping Rachel in check with her adult responsibilities, like helping her file her tax returns or reminding her to set up her doctors' appointments.
Looking back, Rachel had to admit the only adult things she'd really learned during that period in her life were doing laundry – thanks to Ross – and earning her own money.
With Phoebe, however, that picture started to change. Their quirky friend didn't give Rachel as many free passes and asked that they shared some of the house duties as roommates. It was then that Rachel learned that dishes didn't magically do themselves overnight if you just left them in the sink, and that after a week a toilet bowl tends to get dirty again, no matter how clean you left it the last time you gave it a good scrub.
Finally, when sharing the apartment with Joey she had to pretty much take over almost completely if she wanted a nice home and bills paid – she'd learned that lesson after having their Internet and phone services cut a number of times. She also grew to learn that burned out bulbs didn't replace themselves, and that expired items in the fridge didn't magically find their way into the trash can.
Still, Joey did occasionally help, always taking out the trash or picking up the occasional items at the grocery store for them.
But now it was going to be all on her, no roommates or anything. Heck, she wouldn't even have Ross to take Emma every few days, freeing her up to do whatever she pleased.
No, this time it was all on her.
And wasn't this exactly the scenario she feared right after giving birth to Emma – that she would eventually have to raise her daughter all by herself? How ironic that this was actually going to happen not because Ross started a new family and forgot about them, but because it had been her own choice to pack up and leave.
She was taking her away from him, and him away from her.
And she wasn't taking it lightly either.
God, the look on his face when his said goodbye to their daughter. Rachel flinched at the fresh, so very fresh, memory. Emma was so sleepy this morning she couldn't even give the moment the importance it deserved. The twenty-month-old didn't know better, of course. She just laid her head against Ross' chest and sucked on one of her thumbs, completely oblivious to the fact that in a few days there would be 3,625 miles separating her from her loving father.
Rachel brushed a tear away with the back of her hand and urged them to stop coming.
She was doing this. People did this all the time, it was not a huge deal. And Ross understood, didn't he? He hadn't said anything but encouraging words to her, after all. Even just some 24 hours ago, as they laid naked holding each other on his bed, or as she tearfully hugged him on Monica's doorway.
"I just want you to know… last night… I'll never forget it." Her voice was in the verge of breaking.
"And neither will I." He answered just as emotionally.
Of course she knew this was hurting him, it was hurting her too. But at the end of the day, they let each other go and maybe that was for the best.
The best way to say goodbye, she'd told him.
She hoped she was right.
A few hours later as the sun was rising the pilot announced their approach in Paris. Since her seat was far away from the window, Rachel could only close her eyes and imagine Paris from above. The Eiffel Tower, the Notre Dame cathedral, the Seine, the pyramid at the Louvre and so many other landmarks she couldn't wait to see in person for the first time.
After proceeding through passport control and picking up her bags, Rachel found a chauffeur waiting for her just outside in the arrival area, holding up a sign with her name right next to the Louis Vuitton logo. Again, a sense of pride filled her. It was only 10 years ago that she was waitressing tables at Central Perk and just look at her now.
On their way to her hotel, where she would stay until she was able to visit the apartments Louis Vuitton helped find as possible permanent options for her, the driver gave her a SIM card package.
"Your company number." He explained with a heavy accent. "They thought you would like to have it right away since you don't have a French line yet."
Rachel smiled at the thoughtfulness of it.
"Merci."
Her eyes went back and forth inspecting the streets where they drove and completing the task of updating her phone. She was anxious to talk to her friends, but a quick math told her it was only 5am in NY right now. Her promise to call Monica as soon as she got there would just have to wait a little longer.
When they finally entered the city of Paris, she tossed the old SIM card into her bag and glued her face to the window. Wow.
This felt unreal. Rachel smiled, hardly believing that this would be her home now. She wondered if within a month, or even six months, she would know these streets like the back of her hand. She couldn't wait to find out whether that effortlessly elegant café they just passed by had nice croissants, or if the cute bistro on the next block served good soup.
She was so eager to experience everything and soak it all up. There were so many new possibilities.
After she was settled in her hotel, Rachel decided to take a long walk. She remembered Ross once saying something about not giving into sleep in the first day of a trip like this, that you had to resist jetlag to try to get adjusted to local time as soon as possible.
It wasn't a hard thing to do, she was feeling too fired up to even think about sleeping.
A couple of hours later she reached a bench by the Seine, retrieved her cellphone from her bag and finally turned it on. 30% of battery, it read. She smiled at herself, thankful that she'd turned it off right after arriving at Newark, saving her some much needed power she would need now to call NY.
She wanted to call her mom first and ask about Emma, but she wasn't sure Sandra Green would be up yet. So, instead, she dialed Monica's number.
Her best friend's voice came up quickly on the other end, sounding tired and slightly confused.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mon, it's me!"
"Oh, Rachel! Hi!" Monica sounded a bit surprised now, which puzzled her friend. Oh well. She had twins at home now. Rachel could only imagine how maddening that must be, even if it's only been like a day now.
"Hi! This is my new number." She explained. "How are you guys?"
"Good, we're good. How are you?"
"I'm great!"
"Yeah? How's Paris?"
Rachel smiled, noticing as a boat sailed by right in front of her. Tourists lined the side with their cameras ready, snapping away excitedly. Rachel smiled knowing that, unlike them, she didn't have the pressure of taking it all in at once and photographing her every step.
"Beautiful." She answered simply, truthfully.
There was something in the brief silence that followed that unnerved Rachel again, but she decided not to question it.
"I bet. We'll have to visit sometime. Maybe when the twins are older."
Rachel shuffled in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable. She hadn't realized how hard it would be for them to come and visit. One baby could be manageable in a trip like this, but two? That sort of complicated things a bit.
She decided not to focus too much on that right now.
"How's everybody?"
"Mm, good. We're all good." Monica answered vaguely.
"How are the babies?"
That finally got Monica talking. With a beautiful and so natural motherly ease, she went on and on about how cute Erica looked when she yawned and how she could swear Jack had smiled at her just this morning.
They hung up when Rachel started worrying about not having enough battery to go on with her calls.
"I'll talk to you later, honey. Send my love to everybody."
"I will. Bye Rach."
Rachel hung up and looked at her phone again. 20%, not bad. She did the math again and wondered if her mother would be up yet. She should probably give her another half hour.
With eyes closed, she considered making another important call. Because of course she wanted to talk to him. It was just two nights ago she was telling him, shouting actually, that he meant more to her than anybody else in their group – which he really did.
Feeling her heart beat a little faster, she dialed his number and waited.
And waited.
Until his robotic voice said on the other side: "You've reached Ross Geller. Please leave a message after the beep."
She frowned and decided to hang up instead. That was strange. Ross was not usually one to oversleep, even on weekends.
Growing inpatient, she checked her watch yet again and decided to call her mom anyway.
Surprisingly, Sandra Green answered right away.
"Hello?"
"Hi mom."
"Oh, hi sweetie!"
Rachel smiled at the joy in her mother's voice. This is exactly what she needed.
"How's everything? How's my baby?"
"She's wonderful. She slept like an angel last night. Well, until she woke me up about an hour ago, that is." Sandra Green laughed. "But then again I guess that's to be expected. She must be a tad anxious with everything happening lately and the move…" She trailed off.
"Mom, she's not even two." Rachel almost scoffed. "She doesn't understand what's going on."
"Oh, darling. She might now understand exactly what's going on, but believe me, she knows something is up. Kids pick up these things you know? They're like little sponges. You don't think she's affected by all the packing and your nerves and the goodbyes?"
Rachel closed her eyes again and clear as day she could see Ross standing right in front of her, bouncing their baby girl while kissing her hair and telling her sweetly that he would see her soon. Her eyes immediately filled up with tears.
"OK, OK…" She admitted quickly, trying to snap out of it. "Maybe you're right. Is she otherwise OK though?"
"Yes, she's great. I'm actually going to get her ready soon, Ross is coming to pick her up."
"What?" Rachel asked, confused.
"Oh, he sent me a message last night. You kids and your texts…! He wants to spend the day with her, asked if it was OK." Sandra paused, finally registering she hadn't mentioned this to Rachel before, not knowing if she should have checked with her first. "I'm sorry, I hope this isn't a problem."
"No, no, of course not. He's her father. He should get to see her if he wants to."
He should get to see her. Rachel flinched at her own words.
"OK, wonderful." Sandra replied with relief. "How's he doing by the way?"
You tell me, Rachel thought, since apparently her mother had spoken to him last because he wouldn't answer his phone.
"He's OK." She replied nonchalantly instead.
"Yeah? I bet this isn't easy for him, with you two moving so far away."
Rachel sighed.
"Mom…"
"I'm sorry. This isn't my place, I know. I was just wondering, sweetie. Ross is a good man and a great father."
"He is." Rachel said simply.
"OK. I'll put Emma on."
"Thank you."
After a brief conversation with her daughter, if you could even call her nonsensical mostly gibberish ramblings that, Rachel hung up with a heavy heart. How she missed that precious little girl already. She couldn't wait to hug her and kiss her.
She thought about calling Ross again, but decided it was best not to. She was growing emotional and didn't want to risk saying anything she might regret later. Instead, she put her phone back into her bag and proceeded with her walk.
And yet again, her mind couldn't help but drift back… Because how could it now?
His hand, so gentle on her hair but so firm on her hips.
Butterfly kisses on her toes and open mouthed on the back of her knees.
God, why did it have to be so good between them?
Being with him always felt so right. From their first night in the museum to so many others that followed that one year they were together… And even the other few times they slept together after that. There was so much intimacy between them, and a real connection she never felt with anyone else.
She laid on his chest with the biggest smile on her face. He was holding her so securely, like he never wanted to let her go. Rachel didn't know what to say, but she didn't feel like she needed to fill this moment with words anyway. Instead, she ran the tips of her fingers lightly across his chest, admiring how it had changed since the last time they were together like this.
Ross wasn't exactly built, and he didn't really turn heads around the way she admitted she usually did. But he was an overall attractive man – so very attractive to Rachel. Those broad shoulders stirred something up inside of her like no other man ever had – not Paolo, not Tag, not Joey. She also loved how tall he was, how their bodies fit together just right, and how his chocolate brown eyes could disarm her with a single bat of his long eyelashes. And don't even get her started on his cute butt, his coy smile and how wonderful he always smelled.
But it was more than that. So much more.
Ross made her laugh. He taught her things. He was patient.
He asked for her opinion and listened to her.
He looked at her, like really looked at her, giving her his undivided attention.
Like most guys, he admired her body – but he also looked deep into her eyes and saw the person behind them.
She might not be willing to admit it out loud just yet, with the whole break thing still left unresolved between them, but she trusted him more than anyone else in the world. She would trust him with her life if she had to, without a doubt.
There was a bond between them that was hard to explain, and it only had gotten stronger after Emma's arrival. That thought comforted her, because she knew that nothing could break it now. No copy girls, British ex-wives or thousands of miles.
Her smile grew even wider, and she kissed his chest. She was going to say something to him, but upon looking up she noticed he had fallen asleep.
She chuckled softly to herself because of course he had.
She finally looked at her watch and made a face. Urgh, she had to go home. She really wished she could stay the night, she loved waking up next to him. But she was a mom now and didn't want to bother Joey any more than she already had. Her daughter had been waking up in the middle of the night lately, which was unusual for her at this point in her life, but Rachel was trying not to read too much into it. It was just a phase, she told herself.
So, she untangled herself carefully from his embrace and watched him sleep for a few seconds.
Would she ever manage to wipe that smile off her face? God, she felt like a teenager, but she didn't care.
She got dressed as quietly as she could, but he woke up before she could leave.
"God, this was amazing." He'd said lovingly, placing kisses on her hand.
How she'd missed these quiet after hour moments between them – and that tenderness in his eyes directed exclusively at her.
"It really was."
It really was. Rachel touched the railings of the bridge she was crossing and saw multiple locks fixed on the sides, a couple's initials on each one of them. She brushed her fresh tears away and let out a sob she didn't even feel coming.
A young couple working on their own lock nearby looked over and frowned at her. She almost apologized, but she couldn't find her words. Instead, she looked the other way and kept on walking.
Rachel realized then no matter how excited she was and how adult she felt, this little adventure really was going to be anything but easy.
OK, this story. I read an old fanfic the other day that got me pretty annoyed. It was an OK story, to be honest, but the end bothered me and I don't think the author gets these characters and how they and their relationship had evolved. So, this is my own version of how I think things would have gone if Ross hadn't had the chance to declare his feelings for Rachel at the airport.
Mssassenach started writing something similar recently and for a moment there I wondered if I should give up on this. But I think we're going to have different takes - and also there are so few R&R stories out there that I thought I should just go for it. Still, go read her story, it's amazing! You've been warned though: there will be some overlap of ideas here, but not the main story.
Anyway. This is going to be short and I have all the chapters planned out and partially written already. So as long as this doesn't take a life of its own somehow, expect five chapters, six if I decide to write an Epilogue. Please review if you wanna make your girl here happy :)