Chapter 17: We Have to Talk

Derek wasn't quite sure what he was doing or why it was happening. It was like he wasn't in control as he drove over to Meredith's house. He, without thinking about it, texted her and told her he was coming over and now, he was pulling up in front of her apartment, not knowing what he was going to say or do. However, he knew they needed to talk.

He knocked on her door and almost ran back to his car, but stood there, his hands in his pockets, waiting for her to open the door.

"Hi..." Meredith uttered, opening the door.

"Hey." Derek smiled softly.

"You can come in." She whispered, moving out of the doorway.

"Okay." He sighed, stepping into the house, standing in the entry way with her.

"I um...I'm a mess."

"That's fine...I um...I won't be here long."

"Oh okay..." Meredith looked down at herself. "I was just cleaning since I got off work and then Dawsyn wanted to paint and..."

"Dawsyn...How is she?" Derek breathed.

"She's Dawsyn." Meredith sighed. "She's doing school and still trying to get me to give her tickets back..."

"Did you tell her about my idea? Taking her to the hospital..."

"No...I just...I've been busy and I forgot but I'll do it tomorrow."

"Okay." Derek smiled. "I think she'll like it.

"Yeah...I think she will too." Meredith breathed, she found herself playing with her hands. "I um...I could always just drop her off."

"If you want...You um...You're invited too."
"Oh…"

"So um..."

"I...we can go in the living room."

"Okay."

"Just...in here..." Meredith said quietly, walking towards her living room.

"We um...We have to talk." Derek breathed.

"What?" Meredith turned around in front of the couches.

"We have to talk." Derek repeated.

"Oh...right." Meredith cleared her throat.

"The other night..."

"It wasn't a big deal." She replied.

"Meredith...We had sex."

"Yeah..."

"It...You can't tell me that you didn't feel something." He whispered.

"I need to check on Dawsyn." Meredith stepped back. "I forgot to give her this thing and..."

"I can wait here."

"Oh um...I'll just give it to her later...yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah...it's fine."

"So...Talking."

"Okay." Meredith nodded, biting her lip.

"Did you...feel something?" Derek breathed.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Meredith's shoulder's dropped as she finally looked him in the eye.

"It's..Never mind." Derek sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"So, we're done talking?" Meredith asked, looking at him innocently, her blonde locks falling from her ponytail. "Well now that we have that taken care of..."

"Seriously?"

"So, there is a hurricane forming on the coast of...

"Meredith."

"What?"

"This...I came here to talk to you and you're joking around..."

"I'm not joking I saw it on the Weather Channel."

"Fine."

"Okay."

"I'm going to leave then."

"Why?"

"Because I came here to talk...about the other night and us and...you're talking about hurricanes." Derek said, walking towards the door.

"I don't like talking about things!"

"Yeah. I can tell."

"Fine!" Meredith groaned, moving to sit on the couch. "Leave! I don't care!"

"What do you want me to do here Meredith?" Derek snapped, turning back around to face her. "You tell me you don't want anything...we had sex...What am I supposed to think?"

"You're the one who come into the house kissing me." Meredith argued, picking up a magazine.

"Right. It's all my fault."

"Well, if you hadn't been kissing and touching then maybe I..."

"No...This...No."

"What?"

"You could have told me to stop...You could have told me to leave. And I would have. But you didn't. So, you don't get to blame this all on me." Derek said, raising his voice more than he had intended.

"My daughter is sleeping. Could you keep your voice down?"

"I...Sorry."

"We had sex."

"Yeah we did."

"When you came in...you know I said we couldn't be more then...this."

"What's this...What can't we be?"

"I don't exactly know that yet." She admitted quietly, her eyes focusing in on the magazine.

"Well...It'd be helpful if you'd tell me." He replied.

"I don' know how to help you."

"You could tell me how you feel...about me...and...whatever this is..."

"I...reading...I just..." Meredith flipped through the magazine, her voice shaking a little.

"Meredith..." Derek whispered.

"I'm reading!"

"Fine."

"Damn it." Meredith snapped, tossing the stupid magazine to the side, resting her head in her hand. "I...you're so ugh..."

"I don't really know what that means..."

"I don't know what to say to you and I don't know what you want me to say, what you want me to feel, so I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"I want you to tell me how you feel!"

"I don't know how I feel!"

"You like me...You hate me...What is it?"

"I liked having sex with you!" She finally shouted.

"That's...a start." He breathed.

"Ass."

"I know what you think about me...and that you think I'm going to have my fun with you and then leave...But that's not the way that I am, Meredith."

"I don't care about the one-night stands, okay?" Meredith stood back up. "My daughter was used to me coming home with men or me not coming home because I went home with some man, okay? Up until a few months ago...I did that, so I don't really care if I'm a quick fuck. I just don't want to do that to Dawsyn anymore!"

"That's not what I think about you." Derek whispered.

"Fine...don't think that."

"You want to know what I think about you?"

"Derek..."

"Do you?"

"What?" She spoke softly.

"I think you're beautiful." He whispered, stepping towards her, and stroking her cheek with his thumb. "And I think you're a strong...extremely strong woman who doesn't need somebody else in her life to support her..."

"Derek..."

"That's what I think about you."

"I um...okay." Meredith whispered.

"I wish that you would let me in." Derek sighed.

"I." Meredith looked down, clearing her throat.

"I just have to know what you want." Derek breathed, taking her hand.

"I don't want anything."

"That's it?"

"I've never done anything serious and...I like kissing you." Meredith confessed. "I really like kissing you...being around you, and falling asleep with you. The fact is I like kissing you and being around you and I'm pretty sure my daughter thinks you're like a superhero or something, but I can't do anything."

"You do know that I can't walk away now right?" Derek chuckled.

"Why not?" She frowned. "Because you probably should."

"Maybe I should...but I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I like kissing you… being around you, and falling asleep with you."

"We only fell asleep together once."

"It was the best night sleep I've had in a long time."

"I just can't do this." Meredith frowned.

"Can't do what?" Derek asked, lifting her chin to look at him.

"I just can't do more..."

"We can do slow...I can do slow."

"Derek...maybe I can do the kissing...and the other stuff but I can't do the relationship thing."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know."

"But we can still kiss?" He said, a small smile on his lips.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"Good...I like the kissing. More kissing I say."

"I just...I want to be around you...even if I just met you." Meredith breathed.

"Me too." Derek whispered.

"I like the hanging out, kissing, and the sex ...which makes this all seem really bad." Meredith replied. "Really really awful that I can't give you a relationship. I know you didn't ask but if you ever wanted it...'

"Yeah..."

"And my daughter thinks you're..."

"I adore her."

"You don't know us."

"I'm getting to know you."

"You may not really think I'm amazing, beautiful, and all of those things."

"I do think that."

"Now. You think that now." Meredith replied, for the first-time giving Derek insight to how stubborn she really was.

"I guess I'll have to decide for myself." Derek smiled.

"And if you hate me?"

"Not going to happen. That...I am absolutely sure of."

"Uh...you're hopeless." Meredith surrendered, falling back onto the couch.

"Yeah well...some women like that." Derek laughed, sitting down next to her.

"You're going to drag me into this kicking and screaming aren't you?"

"Absolutely."

"Hmm..."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Yes, but only because I think you'd do it anyway."

"Probably." He whispered, leaning over and lightly kissing her lips.

"Hmm...hi." She giggled against his lips.

"Hello." He smiled.

"I like you." She whispered.

"I like you too."

"This might be really bad."

"I'm willing to take the chance."

"Just don't get hurt." She whispered.

"I won't." He breathed.

"Okay." She murmured.

"Kissing now..."

"Yes please..." She giggled, leaning her body into his.

"Okay." He laughed, pulling her close to him, kissing her deeply.

"Just kissing..." She smiled against his lips, her fingers moving into his hair. "Or."

"Or...what?" He smirked.

"Or what?" She copied.

"You tell me."

"Hmm..." She giggled against his lips, before pulling away to lie back on the couch.

"Your daughter is upstairs." He smiled, lacing his fingers with hers.

"She won't wake up." She replied, urging him to lie down on top of her.

"Oh really?" He laughed, slowly laying on top of her.

"Really...deep sleeper like me."

"That's good..."

"It is...since you know were doing this thing or whatever..."

"Being sneaky."

"Very sneaky...and then we can be more sneaky upstairs..."

"Sneaky is hot."

"Sneaky..."

"Very...very...hot." He smiled, unbuttoning her blouse.

"I was hot in the shower this morning."

"Really?"

"Very sneaky." She purred in his ear.

"Mmm...How hot?" He whispered, kissing the bare skin on her chest as he unbuttoned her blouse.

"Really hot..."

"What were you thinking about?"

"It's a secret."

"A secret, huh?"

"Yeah..." She shivered slightly.

"Lets go upstairs." He whispered in her ear.

"Okay..." She moaned against his lips, her body feeling delicate beneath his.

"Okay." He smiled, kissing her again before climbing off her and holding out his hand to help her up.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For um...what you're about to do upstairs." She giggled.

"Oh." Derek laughed, kissing her forehead. "You're very...very welcome...And thank you too."

"Come on." She giggled, flashing him, before running up the stairs.

"Not fair!" He laughed, running up after her, closing the door as he got into the bedroom. This kept happening. No matter what, it kept happening. They didn't know where they were, or what they were just that they liked each other and for right now that would have to be enough.