Dipper was in a bad mood.
Maybe Antonio had stopped Wendy and Robbie from getting together at the fair, but they'd been spending more and more time together, and that was making it hard to focus on his game with Wendy.
No, wait, it wasn't. He was having an awesome time.
"Ooh, cut scene!" he grinned.
His avatar, Rumble McSkirmish, came onto the screen, all pixelated and with the subtitles and black edges and everything. "Dr. Karate, you killed my father again!" he said, his voice broken like video game characters do.
"Hhnnghhhh!" Wendy's avatar groaned.
"YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!"
"FIGHT!"
He pressed buttons like a storm, landing a couple good hits on her. He laughed, and with an uppercut, Dr. Karate was no more. The game announced him the winner, and Wendy looked at him. "What? You cheated."
"You take that back!" he said with little fists in an imitation of Rumble. He laughed, and the second round started.
Wendy looked at the game with a grin. "I'm gonna punch the ref."
"Let's gang up on him."
They both (attempted to) attack the ref, being just far enough away from each other that they didn't knock down their hit points. He was having an awesome time, having fun with her, when an unwanted voice showed up. "Wendy, what's up? Yeah, just puttin' up some flyers for my band. I'm lead guitar. No biggie."
Dipper frowned at the picture, mostly because he was gonna frown either way, and it might as well have an excuse for it. "Are you wearing mascara?"
"Uh, it's eye paint for men."
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
"Oh, hey, Robbie. Dipper was just showing me this great game."
"Oh, yeah, sweet, sweet." He moved to the other side and then looked down at Dipper, annoyed, and elbowed him out of the way. "Hey, how's about you sit this one out, okay, champ?" He cracked his knuckles.
"But we just started this round," he protested.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, relax, man. I'm just trying to spend some time with my friend."
Wendy gave him a reassuring smile. "It'll just be one round."
They started to play, and Dipper watched from behind with a worried look. He could see where this was going, and he did not like it one bit. Then his fears were confirmed when Robbie said, "So, uh, Wendy? I've been meanin' to ask you somethin' . . ."
Dipper tuned him out. Antonio had already told him all about that.
". . . would you wanna go out with me?" the emo teen finally asked. Dipper wrinkled his nose.
"Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I'm going camping tomorrow with my dad, so I won't be around," she said.
"Oh, cool, cool," Robbie said, clearly turning her out now that he'd heard what he'd wanted to hear.
Dipper just stared, upset. He could treat her so much better than that jerk! He'd listen to what she had to say, and not just the stuff that had to deal with him. His eyes narrowed on Robbie as he got up all close with Wendy, though not quite going as far as wrapping his arm around her.
"Opponent sighted! Fight!"
The Pines plus a wannabe Pines (aka Soos) and someone who one of the Pines wanted to be a Pines (aka Antonio) were sitting at the table playing some card game, with chipackers instead of coins. Mabel didn't really know what she was doing, but she threw down two of her cards. "King me!" she declared.
Everyone else groaned, and she cackled, grabbing the pile of chipackers and pulling them towards her.
"It's not fair!" Stan groaned. "She doesn't even know what we're playing!"
She looked up at him. "Go Fish?" she asked innocently.
There was a rumbling of rock music in the distance, and they all stopped glaring at her to look up. The chandelier was vibrating from the music. "Dude, I think I'm pickin' up a radio station inside my head," Soos said.
"Try blinking to see if you can change the channel," she suggested, and he tried.
Antonio stood up and spun around. She looked at him, cocking her head. "I'm trying to see where it's coming from," he explained. Then he jumped some and moved around like he was looking for a Wi-Fi signal. She expectantly waited for his decree. "Nope. I got nothing."
"Wendy!"
Her crush snapped his fingers. "No, wait, I got something . . . Robbie!"
"Robbie? Is he that jerky twerp I see making goo-goo eyes at Wendy all the time?" Stan deadpanned.
"He called me 'big dude' once. I mean, I know I'm a big dude, but it kinda hurt."
Antonio shrugged. "Yep, sounds like him."
"Should I sic Waddles on him again?" she asked sweetly. He started biting her sweater. "Whoa! Easy, tiger."
Dipper stood up abruptly. "I'll handle it." They all gasped.
"You sure?" Antonio asked, looking at her brother.
He nodded. "Yeah. I got this."
He left the room, and they resumed their game.
"Wendy! Wendy, Wendy!" Robbie was singing. He was good at the guitar, but maybe not so much in the singing department. "Wendy! Come on out, girl! Come on down!"
Dipper folded his arms. "You realize she's not here, right?"
He scoffed. "Yes." Then he paused. "What?"
"She's out camping with her family today." And he couldn't help himself. Under his breath, he added, "Maybe if you listened to her for once, you'd know that."
Unfortunately, he heard. "What was that?" the teen asked angrily.
"I just said she's not here," he said hastily.
"No, no, no. You wanna get into it, huh?" Robbie grinned nastily. "Let's get into it, kid. You think I don't know what's been goin' on, huh? It's obvious you've got a thing for my girlfriend. Don't you? Don't you?" He pushed forward, and Dipper was forced to take a couple steps back.
"What?! No! Come on, man," he pleaded, feeling his cheeks pink up a little bit.
"Yeah, I'm sure she's just dyin' to ask out a 12-year-old kid who wears the exact same shorts every day." That was a low blow. Robbie wore the same jacket every day! Why was it so much worse when he did it? "Hey, here's an idea, why don't I call her right now and see if she wants to go out on a date with you."
He started punching in numbers, and Dipper felt some sweat start to gather at his brow. "Hey! Look! Don't!" he said. "Y-y-you don't have to—"
"'Oh! Don't! Please, man!' What are you gonna do? Huh? Huh?" Robbie taunted. He pressed the button, and it started to call her. "What? What?"
Wendy picked up, and Dipper lost it. He smacked the phone right out of Robbie's hand. It sailed through the hair, falling and shattering on the ground. "My phone!" Robbie shouted.
"I-I'll buy you a new one!" he said hastily, but it was too late.
"Oh, no! You're not gettin' off that easy!" Robbie grabbed him by the collar and picked him up, so their noses nearly touched. Dipper just stared at him, completely terrified.
Behind him, the window opened, and it was Stan. "Hey! I know a fight when I see one! Stay right there!" He closed it again, and Robbie chucked him down, at a garbage can. He loomed over him.
"You, me, circle park, 3:00 . . . we finish this."
He walked away, and a moment later, Stan walked over, with popcorn and Antonio. "Aw, he's gone. And we'd just bet on it. The smart money's on skinny jeans."
"Nah," Antonio disagreed. "Dipper's smart. He'll find a way to think through it."
He gave him a reassuring grin, but he felt anything but reassured.
"What was I thinking?!" Dipper was pacing the room, and Mabel watched him somewhat sadly. "I can't fight! I've never been in a fight before! Look at these noodle arms!" He wiggled them, and they did seem rather wiggly.
"Just bonk him over the head! It's nature's snooze button!" Stan said encouragingly.
"You've said so yourself, you're all elbows," Antonio said with a shrug. "Elbows are good in a fight. Jam 'em into his gut as hard as you can and you got yourself a couple of weapons."
"Boys, why can't you learn to hate each other in secret?" Mabel asked, somewhat bored with the conversation. "Like girls do."
"Sure, listen to your sister," Stan said, choking back laughter. "Maybe you can share dresses too!" He laughed. "Boom!" He slammed his fists on the counter, and the chipacker stacks bounced.
"Maybe he'll just forget about it," he said, but Mabel could tell that that was mostly wishful thinking. "Maybe it'll all blow over."
Soos looked at him, unsure. "I don't know, Dipper. Teenagers are dangerous. Those hormones turn 'em into, like, killing machines."
"R-really?"
"Oh, yeah, dude. My cousin Reggie got in a fight with a teen once. The guy broke, like, all his arms, all his legs, and I think killed him or something. I don't know. Me and Reggie were just talkin' about it."
Over the course of that little thing, Mabel was giggling at the look on Antonio's face.
Dipper started to hyperventilate, backing into the corner. "I can't stay here! What if Robbie comes back?! I gotta hide!"
"Look, kid, you got yourself a choice here. You could either go face him like a man, or you could hide indoors like a wimp. What'll it be?"
He thought long and hard. "Wimp," he decided, and he and Soos left to have him hide in the arcade.
Mabel stared at the door. "He's gonna get crushed."
Both of the others agreed, and Antonio said, "Hey, Mabel, I have something I need to do today, do you wanna join me?"
She perked up. "Sure! Bye, Grunkle Stan!"
The two of them headed out the door, though she got extremely distracted by Waddles running up and jumping at her. When she focused again, Antonio had leaned against a pole, and had pulled something out of his pocket and was looking at it. She looked at him inquisitively, and he noticed. "Oh, right, you're here."
"What's that?" she asked.
"Okay, so, I'm looking for something," he admitted. He showed her the little scrap of paper. "I have a clue, but it doesn't make sense."
It was some random numbers and pictures and letters, and dots and lines and squares and all sorts of stuff. "This is a clue?" she asked, confused. "It doesn't look like it."
"Yeah, it really doesn't," he agreed. "It's definitely in some kind of code, though I just . . . I don't think it's the Caesar cipher, it's not the Atbash cipher, this chunk is definitely pigpen but it's scrambled up, and there are blank spots . . . ugh."
"You should talk to Dipper," she suggested. "He's good at stuff like that."
"Oh, right. That's not what we're doing today." He shoved the confusing clue back in his pocket. "I actually don't need to do anything," he told her conspiratorially. "I wanted an excuse for taking you with me."
She ignored the flutter that made in her heart. "What are we doing?" she whispered right back.
"How do you feel about ice cream?"
Dipper played Fight Fighters on his own, trying and utterly failing to not think about Robbie. He chose Rumble and the round started. However, he just wasn't feeling it today, and he died. The cutscene said "A winner never runs away from a fight!" which, he had to admit, was not helping his mood.
"That's easy for you to say. You have more than one life." He looked at his watch and sighed. Only 12:04. "I wish one of these guys could fight Robbie for me." He pulled out a quarter, but it dropped and landed on the floor.
He reached down to pick it up, but engraved in the side there was something written. He rubbed off the dust. "'To unleash ultimate power'? I do like things that are ultimate," he said with a shrug, and he stuck in his coin.
He somewhat hesitantly inputted the sequence. "Back, back, hold, forward, back, forward, down, hold, quarter-circle, forward, triple punch!" He rapidly pressed the button three times in a row, and the machine went black.
"I guess it didn't work," he commented, a little annoyed.
Then it rumbled and shook from side to side. He backed up. "Uh . . . Soos?"
Where was he?!
The video game console exploded in a burst of light. "Select your character!" it shouted.
"Uh . . . Rumble McSkirmish?"
The console flickered, then seemed to fuzz out, and Rumble McSkirmish spun out of the game, pixelated and everything. He fell back before he could be hit by the flying kick.
The light dimmed, and he stared at the character in front of him. "You're real?" he asked. Then, as a thought, he raised up his hand. "High-five!" They did it, but he pulled back his hand. "Ow! Your pixels are really sharp! Aah!"
He inspected the character after a moment. Rumble slipped into his battle-ready mode. "Greetings, child boy! I am Rumble McSkirmish from the USA!" He even talked all choppy, like he did in the game. Cool. He attacked quite a bit, his punches barely missing Dipper. He did one big kick, but it came down and smacked his cheek.
"Ow! Cool!"
The fighter walked past him, to a change machine. "Change machine! Change me into a powerful wolf!" He screamed and punched it, though obviously, it didn't do anything.
"With Rumble around, Robbie will be so scared I won't even need to fight him. I've got the world's greatest fighter to be my bodyguard!"
Rumble started to blink red with a sound effect. "I need power-ups!"
"This is so amazing!" Dipper said, still in shock. "I gotta show Soos!" He looked around. "Soos?"
Where had he gone?
Mabel happily licked her ice cream cone. They had a really good strawberry here. Across from her, Antonio was devouring his chocolate ice cream with its yellow sprinkles and chocolate fudge.
"So . . . why did you want to get ice cream with me?" she asked hesitantly.
He shrugged. "I wanted to hang out with a friend. Wendy's not here, I don't like Robbie much, Dipper's got his whole thing going on . . . and I like your company. So, it made sense to me."
"Oh. Okay."
She tried not to let that crush her.
She licked her ice cream again, though she couldn't muster up quite the cheerfulness she'd had before. Unfortunately, Antonio noticed. "Hey. What's wrong? What did I say?"
"Oh, it doesn't matter," she said, shrugging it off and hiding behind her ice cream cone. "I just . . . yeah. Um."
They were both quiet for a moment.
"Can we go to the movies?" she blurted out. "Pony Heist is out and we haven't seen it yet."
"I mean, I'm down, but . . ." He looked away, and she cocked her head. He grinned back at her. "Stan might kill us if we go without him."
"Ah, he doesn't have to know."
So, they went and bought their tickets, and they were happily walking in when one piece of candy fell out of her pocket and onto the floor. Thompson, who apparently worked there, called, "Hey, you! Stop!"
They stopped, confused.
"There is no outside food or drink allowed in the theater!"
"But it was just one candy," she complained.
"Yeah, come on, Thompson," Antonio said, annoyed. "That's all of it. Seriously. No other outside food or drink on us."
Thompson bit his lip. "Well . . . fine. You can go."
They turned to leave, but as soon as Antonio moved, many, many pieces of candy fell out of the inside of his jacket. He went a little bit red, and Mabel giggled despite herself.
"You two are banned!"
They sat outside sullenly. "No ponies," she pouted. "No explosions."
Antonio laughed. "No. We're finding another way in. We're gonna have to . . . break in."
She grinned widely.
Dipper searched the fridge for . . . uh, power-ups. Behind him, Rumble was smacking a fly or something. "Well, we don't have any traditional power-ups . . ." he said, looking at the stuff in there. Half a taco, a carton of milk, a donut with a bite taken out of it, and a thing of Mabel Juice. "Turkey legs, pizza boxes, or gold rings. How about half a taco?"
He grabbed it and gestured for Rumble to take it.
"Place it on the floor!"
He did, and the video game character kneeled and absorbed it. He stood back up, and a window appeared above Dipper. He looked up at it excitedly, and Rumble equipped it. "I wish I could do that!" he said.
"Now I must defeat the world's greatest fight fighters! Take me to the Soviet Union!"
"That's gonna be tough . . ." he said, and he averted his eyes. "For a number of reasons. But I do know a fighter here in Gravity Falls."
Rumble kneeled down to look at him. "Maximum Power?"
"His name is Robbie V, and he's kinda like my arch-enemy." He pulled out one of the posters from Robbie's band, which he'd placed in his vest while he was at the arcade. Rumble looked at it.
"Did he kill your father?" he asked.
"Well, he's dating the girl I like . . . and he posts a really annoying amount of status updates."
Rumble narrowed his eyes angrily. "And then he killed your father!" He crumpled up the poster.
"Uh, sure. Anyway, I was hoping you could, you know, scare him off for me so I don't have to fight the guy."
Rumble laughed. "Ha ha ha! Your question makes my shoulders bounce! Fireball! Uppercut! Downercut! Love punch!" And Dipper found himself in a room with a flaming broken window, a hole in the ceiling, and a lot of broken glass on the floor from Rumble drinking their punch in the fridge and throwing it on the ground.
"So you'll protect me from Robbie?"
"Challenge accepted! Press start!"
Another window popped up in front of him, and, thinking, Ah, what could go wrong, anyway? he pressed the button. He heard a little commotion in a different room. "Uh-oh, I think I hear my uncle. Stay perfectly still."
Rumble continued to move back and forth in his fighting stance.
"I said stay still."
"This is as still as I can stay!"
"All right, this is how we're gonna do it," Antonio said with a massive grin. "I'm gonna get us in with my excellent lockpicking skills—"
"You can pick locks?" Mabel interrupted.
He laughed. "Yeah, no. I was just joking. I'm gonna use a little thing called arson." He held up a match with a grin.
"Isn't that illegal?"
". . . it'll only be a little fire . . . Anyway, the fire I set outside will pull away the people inside away, so I can go inside and change the name on one of the screens to pull Thompson away." She wasn't sure how he could do that, either, but she just chalked it up to not knowing him completely yet.
She excitedly looked up. "When am I gonna get to do something?"
"Right now. With the distractions in place, you'll be able to coat yourself in the slushy syrup."
Her eyes went wide and she gasped.
"Then you'll be able to climb on the ceiling like a spider, go through the vents, go to the side so that I can come in, and we can get to watch the movie!"
She giggled excitedly. "It's so obvious!"
So, they tried to reenact their plan, but it went wrong basically as soon as possible. The fire apparently got much larger than expected, and instead of pulling the employees inside away, they called the fire department. Mabel and Antonio had to run away. And he didn't even let her see it! She just saw the firefighters gasping and murmuring and looking very confused.
They hid behind a building, and he looked at her with wide eyes. "Oh, no, oh, no, I just committed a crime," he said, panicked. "Nobody has to know . . . right? Right?!"
He was kind of hyperventilating, and Mabel was just wholly unprepared to deal with this, so she just kind of stared at him.
"I . . . I . . . let's go somewhere else," he suggested. "I'll find a way to fix this."
"Tell me my opponent's special move," Rumble ordered.
"Don't worry, as soon as he sees you, he's gonna wet his pants," Dipper said confidently.
"His wet pants will be no match for this!"
He picked up a lead pipe, and Dipper jumped back with a mental yelp. "Whoa! Where'd that come from?"
"I punched an oil drum!"
He started to think that this was maybe a bad idea, but he shoved those thoughts aside. "Trust me, you won't need that," Dipper said, a little nervous now. "Just give him a good scare."
"Yes!" Rumble said, throwing away the pipe. He started to relax, at least until the character picked up a literal sword from off the ground and swung it around. "With this!" Dipper took another step back to avoid being fileted.
"This street has really dangerous litter," he commented.
Mabel and Antonio decided to head to the park, since it was relatively calm there and the fire department probably wouldn't head there when finding someone to blame. They walked around a bit, and eventually, he got himself under control.
He sighed. "Thanks, Mabel. I . . . I don't know what got into me. I just . . . panicked."
"Well, yeah! You just lit a whole bunch of stuff on fire!" She folded her arms. "That's a crime."
"I know," he winced. "I . . . I will find a way to fix this. I swear."
She just felt really uncomfortable.
Then Robbie showed up, and she felt more uncomfortable. "What? What are you two doing here?" he asked accusatorily.
"Uh . . . just taking a breather," Antonio replied. "Why?"
Robbie glared at them. "Check the time. It's almost 3:00, doofus."
Mabel was at first annoyed, but then she remembered. "Right! You're fighting Dipper!"
"Yeah, duh."
Antonio had a look on his face which very clearly said that he'd forgotten, and his eyes fell on something behind Robbie. His eyes widened even more. "Right. Um, let's find somewhere else."
She nodded, though, out of curiosity, she peered at where he'd been looking. It was Dipper, walking over to where they were . . . with a giant video game character lumbering along behind him.
"Yeah," she mumbled, and they hurried away.
The clock chimed, and Dipper stepped up. Robbie turned to him. "Well, well, well, look who decided to show up. I thought you'd chicken out. You ready to settle this like men?" he asked, stepping up to Dipper.
"Look, dude, I don't think you wanna fight me. Let's just call this thing off before someone gets hurt."
"You scared, huh?" Robbie taunted. "Is that it?"
"Okay, dude, you asked for it." He snapped his fingers, and Rumble came out from behind the tree line, just like he'd told him to.
Robbie looked up at him. "Who's your friend? And why is he blurry?"
"This happens to be the greatest warrior that ever lived."
"Yeah, right," the teen scoffed. "Hey, eye patch, what did the kid promise you, more tape for your forearms?" He laughed.
"How can you laugh when you killed this boy's father?!" Rumble exclaimed, and it took a lot of effort, but Dipper forced himself not to flinch at the lie.
Robbie looked very confused. "Wait, what?"
"I'm giving you one last chance," Dipper said. "Back down, or this guy's gonna go nuts."
"How 'bout you back down, kid?"
"You asked for it. Rumble, go!"
He waved his arm like a ref, and Robbie chuckled. At least until Rumble swung a punch for his head, which the teen only narrowly avoided by ducking down. "What the?!" He tried to run, but Rumble grabbed him and held him all the way up. "Wh-what is happening?!"
"I didn't wanna have to do this, man, but you gave me no choice. Maybe now you won't mess with . . ."
Rumble laughed and chucked Robbie down at the ground, like his move went, and Dipper shouted out.
"Whoa! Rumble, you can stop! I think Robbie's had enough!"
The teen coughed out a clump of grass. "Rumble throw!" Rumble said, picking Robbie back up and sending him flying into the air.
"Stop! I said stop!"
Robbie came down with a clang on one of the park's pieces of equipment. "What the . . . ?! That guy's crazy!"
The video game character grunted next to him, and Dipper jumped when he released his fireball, which obliterated the piece of equipment. Thankfully, Robbie managed to jump away in time, but only just. He ran away.
"What the heck was that?! You were only supposed to scare him! You almost killed him!"
"I will not rest until the man who dishonored you is destroyed!" He punched the nearest Robbie face, which was only a poster, but he cracked the lamppost it was taped to, and he ran off, punching down trees and stuff as he chased Robbie.
Dipper realized he probably should've listened to his paranoid thoughts.
"This isn't good."
Dipper groaned, slowly peeling his battered body off the ground. At least Rumble was gone, though he did wish that hadn't had to be beaten to a pulp to do it. "Game over, old friend," he said.
In the sky, some words appeared, saying 'Thank you for playing," and then there were some blinking letters for him to scroll through. He ended up doing so, and Soos chuckled, saying, "Nice one, dude," at the DIP hovering before them.
He wandered over to where Robbie was, rubbing a particularly sore spot on his arm. He told himself it was just because it hurt, but he knew it was because he was ashamed. Robbie had managed to unhook himself from the branch Rumble had stuck him on, and the teen pulled himself out of the bush.
"What?! Wh-who was that guy?!" he demanded, looking around nervously. "Why is it that whenever you're around, there's always ghosts or monsters or whatever?!"
"I don't know, man," was all Dipper could say.
"That guy almost broke my neck! You know how mad I am right now?!"
He could guess. "So I guess you and I have to fight now, huh?" he asked wearily. He shrugged. "Go ahead, man, do your worst. I just wanna get this over with."
"Oh, man, I am so gonna enjoy this," Robbie said, gearing up for a punch. Dipper just held out his arms, ready to take it, and the teen hesitated. "Aren't you gonna run?"
"Nope."
". . . are you sure?"
Dipper nodded.
Robbie looked at his fist, then at Dipper, and he grunted. "Ugh. It's not even worth it. I play lead guitar, so I gotta save my hands."
"Hey, guys, I heard some crazy screaming out here," Wendy said from behind them, and both boys looked at her.
"Wendy?!" they said in unison, and then Dipper added, "You're back!"
"Yeah, man," she said with a little grin, then she looked behind them. "Whoa. What the heck happened here? Freak tornado or something?"
They both stammered for an answer as everything smoldered behind them.
"And why are your faces all jacked up? You guys weren't fighting each other, were you? I hate it when guys fight," she told them, her look becoming more of a glare. Dipper momentarily panicked at the thought of doing something that made Wendy hate him.
They both denied it, and he said, "Never! Yeah, we actually fell down trying to stop two other guys from fighting each other."
He locked eyes with Robbie, and the teen looked bewildered at Dipper covering for him.
Wendy looked at both of them, then smiled. "Cool. It really makes me happy to see my two boys hangin' out. I got some unpackin' to do. I'll text you guys later." She kissed Robbie and shoved Dipper's hat playfully before walking away.
They both sighed in relief, and then he bounced up happily. "Did you hear that? She called me one of her two boys!"
"She was looking at me, though," Robbie argued.
"Look, Robbie, if we stay at each other's throats, we'll both lose Wendy. We need to make a cold-war pact."
"Okay. What's that?" the teen asked hesitantly.
"We need to learn to just hate each other in silence."
"You mean like . . . what girls do?"
"Yeah, exactly. What girls do."
Okay, so . . . I thought that I was completely golden on this fic, that I was staying on top of it . . . and then I realized I haven't updated it in over a month. Oops. So, Fight Fighters, here for you.