Note: Prepare for more pain. Here comes the angst! 😈
Seriously though, those vivisection and gore tags are for this chapter. There's a lot of discussion of death, some descriptions of dead bodies. Basically, we're finally going into all the really horrible stuff that happened at Vlad's.
About two weeks after they'd met Lucy, on an evening like many others, the brothers talked and played as the green-tinted faux sun moved across the sky. The shadows lengthened, light dimming. The two clones prepared a fire, watching as the flames grew.
"Hot dogs!" Dami grinned, taking the smoke sausages Lucy had given them the previous day and skewering them on a stick.
Pro rolled his eyes. "You know, I still have no idea what that is."
His little brother's mouth fell open, gobsmacked. "You don't know what a hot dog is?!"
"No?" The taller shrugged. "Why would I?"
The boy shook his head. "We have to fix that. Right now." He looked at his sausage. "Well, first, I guess this isn't actually a hot dog. It's some kinda sausage. But it's the same idea; a stick of meat in a casing." He motioned to the meat. "But hot dog's normally more processed. They take the fat and meat trimmings, all the leftover parts of the cow or pig and…" Pro wrinkled his nose and Dami held out his hands. "It tastes better than it sounds, I swear! So you grill or steam or boil the hot dog and put it in a bun, like this." He moved his hands together, pinkies touching each other and forming a kind of bowl where his palms almost met. "And the toppings! Chilli and cheese is good. Or chili and slaw! Or pepper relish! Oh! Or fry it in cornmeal batter! I guess that's really a corndog but it's still delicious and-"
"I get it." Prometheus interrupted with a laugh. "You're makin' me hungry." He motioned to the fire. "Let's cook our not-hot dogs."
The two cooked and then sat down to eat watching as colors streaked across the sky. The blue-green slowly bled into black, the world darkening. Fireflies blinked into existence.
"It tickles." Dami laughed, one of the bugs landing on his hands.
"Yeah." One gently landed on Muscles' finger as well. "They're really awesome."
Done with their food, the two brothers got up. They traded similar grins, darting forward to catch fireflies.
Prometheus stalked forward, eyes fixed on one of the bugs. Just at the edge of his finger…. He reached forward and… "Shot." The ghost hissed as the insect buzzed away. He hurried after it. But… "Slow down!" The firefly flew faster, lifting above his head. "Come on." The clone grumbled.
He jumped after the bug, pulling on his core. "Yes!" At the top of his arch, hands closed around his prize.
Pro braced himself, prepared to fall. But… Eyes widening, he gasped. He looked down and… "I'm… I'm floating." Sure enough, the tingling weightless feelings enveloped his limbs, his feet hanging maybe a foot above the ground. "Dami! I'm floating!"
Head whipping to look at him, the little guy darted forward. "That's great! Try to move yourself." He encouraged.
With a nod, the taller clone wrinkled his brow in concentration. He wavered a foot to the left. "I did it! Dami, I-"
With a gasp, gravity reengaged. Pro fell, wobbly landing on his feet. "Well, I was doing it." He frowned, disappointed.
"No, this is good!" The smaller clone's eyes lit up. "You're making progress. You'll be able to actually fly in no time."
"Yeah." Pro let the corner of his lip turn up, reassured by his brother's confidence. "I guess I will."
"Of course you will." Dami said, like it was obvious.
The taller clone gave a chuckle, holding out his hands. "Look what I caught." He parted his hands slightly, revealing the lightning bug.
"Nice." The boy congratulated, leaning forward to inspect the luminescent insect. The beetle's abdomen flashed and it lifted its wings, flying away.
The brother chased fireflies for a few more minutes. Then, having had their fill, they sat down in front of the dying fire.
There was peaceful silence for a long while, just the crack of the fire, the croaking of frogs, the singing of crickets. Prometheus drank it in. The flickering of fireflies, the faux stars, the almost full moon. All the sights and sounds filled his core with a quiet joy.
This. This was living. It was ironic, considering he was a full ghost. But… he felt alive. He breathed in, wanting the moment to last. If he just could catch fireflies and eat smoked sausage by the fire, he could be content. But what made it almost perfect… he looked down at the white haired ghost beside him and his core swelled with love.
He wasn't alone. He hadn't been alone this entire time, not with Dami by his side. Now, they'd found another friend. His powers were returning. Dami was healing. The only thing that could make this better was if all their siblings were here too.
Prometheus wrapped one arm around his brother, hoping that the half hug could communicate just a portion of the love he was feeling.
Beside him, Dami didn't reciprocate. If anything, he seemed tense. The taller ghost's core twisted with worry. "Dami?" He questioned. "What's wrong?"
The smaller ghost suddenly looked up. "Pro?" He shook his head vigorously, as if to clear his thoughts. "Nothing's wrong. It's just…" He bit his lip, eyes flickering down to… Pro's neck before returning to his face. "I didn't want to push you if you're not ready. But… I'm getting worried."
Pro's stomach knotted. "What? W…why?"
"Well…" Dami's gaze flickered up, just the smallest bit. "The cut you got when you went to town's healed. The bruises are gone, right? And..." He looked down to Pro's calf. "The wolf bite is better. You're not limping anymore. But…" The smaller ghost hesitated.
"But?" The other muttered.
"But…" The boy's eyes trailed the lines poking out from his collar, to the stitches circling his upper arm. "Your stitches haven't healed. Your other injuries have, the ones you got after we got here. But… the older ones, the stitches still aren't healing."
Pro averted his eyes, biting his lip. His stitches started to ache at the reminder.
The boy continued, concern ringing in his voice. "That's not… that's not normal. They should have healed by now. But they're not. Maybe they're infected? I don't know. But anyway, it… it looks like they really hurt."
Mouth dry, the taller clone shook his head. "They're fine. They don't hurt."
Dami frowned. "Are you sure? They really don't look fine." His voice softened, ever so slightly. "You can say something if they hurt. You don't have to suffer in silence."
Pro's gaze flickered to his brother's face before looking away again. "They really don't hurt most of the time."
"Most of the time?" The boy asked, slightly alarmed. "So, does that mean they hurt some of the time?"
"It's fine, really." The other clone denied.
"You hurting sometimes isn't fine." There was just a hint of sharpness to the words. "Not when we can do something about it. Let me help you." The smaller clone pleaded. He pointed to the road. "I can go to town. You said there's an apothecary, right? I think we're too early for antibiotics, but maybe I can find something to help with the pain or the swelling. Or just some alcohol, to clean and disinfect it."
Pro's head popped up. "No. No way."
"I know you don't want me to go on my own." Dami held out his hands placatingly. "But I can do this. I'm quick and small. I'd be in and out. No one will see me."
"No. It's too dangerous." He shook his head vigorously, before crossing his arms. "Besides, I'm fine."
"Pro, stop saying you're fine." Just a hint of annoyance bled into the words, before the little guy sucked in a breath. "You kept saying that but it's not making me any less worried. I…I know you don't want to talk about it." His voice quieted, pained. "But I'm scared Vlad did something to you to keep you from healing. Or… there's something else going on I don't know about."
Prometheus swallowed, feeling himself pale. His insides churned as the ugly memories invaded. Vlad's face, sneering and gleeful. The man's hand in his chest. His ectoplasm and blood, staining Vlad's apron, the table, the floor. The searing, burning, blinding pain.
And…. the ugly words. Useless experiment. Abomination. Moron. Brut. Monster.
The threats. If he didn't stop screaming, he'd never speak, move, or even think again. Next time, it would be Tiny or Bones on the table. Or some other clone Muscles wouldn't be able to save. Another clone he'd have to hold after, as he died. Or…
"No. No. I… I can't!" Muscles cried, horror and revolusion roaring through him. "I won't."
Vlad straightened the scalpel on the tray. "I suppose it will have to be a vivisection then." He shrugged, as if this was a casual proclamation. "I had been planning a dissection, post mortem. But if you won't comply, there's nothing for it."
Back in front of the fire, Dami's hand gripped his arm. "Hey, it's okay. You're safe." The smaller ghost shifted, until he was floating in front of Prometheus, a hand on each arm. "He's not here. We got away. We're safe. You can tell me."
Pro shook his head, closing his eyes. He fought to keep his expression neutral. He wasn't going to say anything, wasn't going to react.
Then his brother's voice lowered, so gentle, so soft. "I told you I'd be here and that's the truth. I'm right here and I'm listening. You can tell me."
Could he though? Could he tell Dami what happened? How… how could he? His core twisted, pain and guilt forming a lump in his throat.
"I know it's hard. Believe me, I know." Dami reassured. "It'll hurt. But talking about it will help. You'll feel better after."
Feel better? Really? Prometheus shook his head again, ready to fervently deny. But…
The smaller clone squeezed his arm, voice desperate and loving. "Let me help you."
Hadn't he felt better, after telling his sibling about the town's people attacking him? Though it hurt, hadn't a weight been lifted off his shoulders?
Pro opened his eyes. "Do you… do you really think it'll help?"
Dami nodded, eyes wide and soft. "Yes."
The taller clone swallowed, preparing to speak but…. A pained whine only came out, his throat thick. That ugly truth, nestled deep and heavy in his chest… it felt caged, trapped by iron bars. The words he wanted to, needed to say, were clasped in his white-knuckled hand, but his fingers wouldn't unclench.
"Take your time." His brother moved to sit beside him, a hand rubbing his back. "You can do this."
The taller clone nodded. He forced his mouth open and inside, one finger, as stiff and strong as steel, loosened its grip. "You were…you were right. Vlad hurt me." This was an easier truth, one that Dami already knew. "He's the one who gave me… these… these stitches. He did this."
Pro took a breath. "You already… already figured that out earlier. But.. it really… it really was him." The clone pried another finger off. "He hurt me so… so many times. He'd experiment on me, test my powers, how… how strong I was. He wanted to know why I was so… so stable. So… So…." His eyes watered.
"He… he cut me open. He'd cut me open and poke around. He'd… he'd take things out or inject things." Tears leaked out. "He'd called them 'explor…explorationary surgery' like that made it better. But.. but it hurt so much and… and he'd just sow me back up, like… like it was nothing."
Beside him, Dami gaped, appalled and heartbroken. But there was more… so much more.
"And I'd just lay there and take it." Tears ran down his face, chest starting to heave. "He'd… he'd yelled at me and hit me. Shoot me and tear…tear me open. And I'd just… just let him. Because… because…." Deep in his chest, the steely grip around his core shattered. "He said it'd be you or Bones next time if I fought back. If I wasn't quiet and still, he'd… he'd hurt you or Bones or… or one of the other clones."
His brother paled, eyes wide and horrified. "There were… there were others?"
Prometheus barely registered the choked words through his rising cries. "He'd… he'd hurt them and I'd have to watch them scream and cry and beg and… and…There was so much blood and ectoplasm after. He…he made me clean it up. Some of… some of the times they'd destabilize but… but most of 'em would hang on and… and…"
He couldn't see now, eyes filled with water. "I…I watched so… so many die. I'd hold 'em as they…they melted. They'd cry and scream. Or… or beg for it to be over. But… sometimes… sometimes they wouldn't do anything. Sometimes they were… they were quiet. And… and the ones… the one that didn't me… melt-"
A sob cut off the word, his throat closing up. He panted. He… he couldn't talk, couldn't force out anymore. Not with his… his lungs spasming, struggling for breath. And maybe… that… that was better.
The image filled his mind.
A face, so like Tiny's, starred up. Black and white speckled hair. Eyes, one blue, the other green, unfocused.
Lips opened, a cough, a splatter of red and green. A wheezing breath.
Muscles held the lithe body to his chest, a hand brought up to cup the head. "You're o….you're okay. It's… it's almost over." His voice shook.
The gaze wavered for just a second, focusing. Pain and fear flooded those eyes. Tears bubbled. Then…
"I'm not gonna… not gonna leave you. I'm… I'm right here." The taller clone forced a watery smile, a finger moving to whip away the tear. "You're not alone."
The eyes shifted, focusing on the green ones above. Then… the dying clone leaned ever so slightly into the touch. A flicker of understanding and just a hint of gratitude. A strange peace flickered across the face.
A shaking breath. The mismatched gaze shone with a thousand emotions, an entire vibrant life.
A long exhale. Eyes unfocused, muscles untensed. And….
Muscles finally cried. "I… I'm sorry."
Body still cradled in caring arms, empty, dead eyes looked up, yet saw nothing.
So many still bodies. So many dead and empty eyes. Puddles of red and green, speckled with hair, teeth, and bits of bone. Messes of gore, that had once been people. His brothers. His siblings. Tortured and discarded. Left to die. And… and he'd done nothing.
Beside him, Damian cried and so did Prometheus. It bled out of him, the pain and sorrow in a torrent of tears. The taller clone wepted. He sobbed. He almost wailed, the sound long and loud. It rang off the trees, the stream, the cabin.
At his hip, Dami shifted. He darted up, throwing his arms around Pro's neck. And the taller clone held him. Like he had so many other brothers who were gone now.
So the brothers cried, until both were empty of tears. But even then, the smaller ghost didn't let go. Pro stared over his shoulder into the dying fire. He felt cold and numb, spent. He'd just told Dami all that. About Vlad's experiments. About the vivisections. About the other clones. About the blood and gore left over. About the brothers he'd held as they died. He told him all that. The truth. Or… or most of it…
His little brother pulled away. "I… I'm sorry." Small hands tenderly graced the stitches on his upper arm. "I'm… I'm so sorry. I don't…" He sniffled. "I don't know what else to say. But… but I'm sorry."
"It's…." It really wasn't okay. Nothing… nothing about where they'd come from, what they'd suffered was okay.
Dami shook his head. "Yeah. It's… it's not okay. None of that's okay." Apparently the little guy predicted his thoughts. "None of that should have happened. Vlad shouldn't have hurt you. And especially not… not like that. He… he vivisected you."
Pro flinched at the word and his brother paled, giving him an apologetic look.
"You didn't deserve that." Dami stared into his eyes. "That shouldn't have happened."
"I know that." Prometheus said quietly. His core twisted. He knew that, he did. He'd… he'd almost accepted it, after telling Dami about being attacked in town. He didn't deserve any of the bad things that had happened to him. But….
(Something deep and dark in him still whispered; that wasn't true. Hadn't he been made for pain? Wasn't that the only thing he was good for?)
No, that wasn't true. He was good for other things. For picking fruits and vegetables. Running through the forest. Playing in the stream. Telling stories. He glanced down, at his big thick fingers, a feature Vlad always mocked with the rest of his tall, muscular frame. And yet, these strong hands, inherited from Danny's dad, were good for protecting from danger, for carrying his brother to safety, for hugging Lucy and Dami.
(But weren't they good for hurting too? The voice whispered. Hadn't he done horrible, unforgivable things? A needle in a shaking hand. He squinted at the bottle of clear liquid. This was the right one. And… and how much had Master made him use last time? That should… should be enough, to make the other clone stop hurting and then… then it would be over. He'd… he'd finally-)
Prometheus shoved the thought down, swallowing. "I know it shouldn't have happened." He continued, wrapping his arms around his chest. "But… it doesn't really make it, any of it, any better."
"It doesn't." Dami conceded, shoulders falling.
The little guy's face looked so disheartened, it made Pro's core ache. He wanted to wipe the expression away, to comfort. But… what could he say? Nothing would change what had happened. And the fact that it was unfair, unjust wasn't a comfort. They'd been abused, wronged in so many ways by Vlad. And the man was still out there somewhere, presumily free and fully capable of hurting them again. Or committing new atrocities.
Anger flickered in the taller clone at the thought but he clasped onto the one thought, the one bit of comfort he could find. "At least, we got away. We're safe from him."
The smaller clone looked up. "Yeah." He rubbed his chest, a troubled expression still marring his face. "We got away. And we're not going back." He straightened slightly, a hint of determination bleeding onto his face. "I meant what I said before. If he finds us, I'll protect you. I won't let him hurt you again."
Pro blinked once, taking in the small figure. Something in him loosened.
"We'll protect each other." Prometheus offered, eyes softing.
"Protect each other." Dami repeated with a nod. "I… I like that." The corner of his lip twitched, as if he just might smile.
"Yeah." The taller agreed, his core starting to lift. Together… as always, it circled back. They had each other to depend on, to help heal. If they could stick together, they'd be okay.
But…. his sibling's mouth fell again. "But Pro…." The little guy wrung his hands, glancing down. "The other clones….you said you held them as they… you know." Dami looked up again, eyes pleading. "So… none of them were alone, right?"
And, just like that, his core twisted again. "I…." His mouth dried, mind replaying. The ones he'd held and… the one's he'd watched from a distance as they melted on the table. "No. They weren't alone. It… wasn't all of them; some… some died on the table and Vlad wouldn't let me. But…but…" He wrung his hands. "If I.. If I could be there, to hug and talk to them as they… as they passed, then I was. I made sure of it."
"That's… that's good." Dami said. "Well, it's not good. Kids dying is… is horrible. But… I'm… I'm glad they weren't alone."
Pro looked down, cheeks flashing with guilt. "I wished I did more."
The smaller ghost put a hand on his arm. "You… you did what you could, Pro. You protected me and Bones. And…" He took a shaky breath. "I know you being there mattered. You made those last moments just a little bit easier."
"Really? You… you think so?" The taller clone considered, frowning skeptically. Then he shook his head, shoulders falling. "No, I… that's not true. I barely did anything."
Pro kept his eyes fixed down, his insides aching. He felt… he felt like crying again. And for a long moment, Dami didn't reply. But when he did….
"Prometheus." The sober tone captured the larger clone's attention completely. "We both…" A deep, steeling breath. "We both know what it's like to die, and to die alone. I know," The grip of Dami's hand on his arm tightened. "I know being cared for, being loved matters." His voice quieted and yet… those words with their immense gravity were all Pro could hear. "I was alone. None of you were with me and… god…. I wish someone had been holding me." The words almost drew new tears to Pro's eyes but then Dami shook his head, a determination whipping away the sorrow. "But despite that, I still tried to hang on. I tried to stay, for you and Bones and Danielle and Danny. Because I loved all of you and remembered how much you loved me. I think… no, I'm sure I reformed here as a full ghost because of that love."
The taller clone blinked, a sudden nebulous hope stealing his breath. "But… do you think… could that… could that mean those other clones might be… might be here, in the Realms too?"
The smaller clone shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe some of them were reborn in the Zone here. Or maybe they went to wherever people who don't become ghosts go." He waved his hand, gesturing vaguely. "Either way, whether or not they're still around, you being there mattered." He emphasized the word, a desperation entering his voice. "Those kids got to feel that their existences mattered, that someone would remember them. Our brothers got to see that someone… that someone actually loved them. Loved them. Even if it was just for a few minutes."
Dami's eyes bored into Pro, the weight of the words sinking into his core. They rang in his head and the truth… the truth brought water to his eyes. "Really? But… but I…" He sniffled. "I did… did that? I… I made a difference?"
His brother nodded. "Yes, you did." He drifted forward, hugging the other ghost's neck again. "I'm so glad you were there."
Damn it, he was crying again. But the larger clone didn't try to stop it, not with the torrent of emotions swirling in him. The sorrow, the grief drenched him. Guilt tried to tear. But.. just a smallest sliver of relief rose, like the sun peaking over the horizon. An impossible peace…
He believed his brother. Dami… Dami was right. He'd… he'd done good. He'd made a difference, somehow impossibly. And… and he empathized. The feelings, the desires clashed in him. At Vlad's, he'd wanted to be comforted, to be cared for. Dami, Bones, and Danielle had done that. As he was destabilizing…. For just a moment, he wanted to be remembered, to know that he'd mattered. And… most of all, he'd wanted to be loved. Like Dami, he'd tried to stay for his siblings. And after he'd died…. Maybe he had also clawed back to the light because of that love.
And… a quiet sob shook his chest. He'd done all that for his lost siblings. He'd… he'd been there when no one else was. He'd done what he could. And all those brothers…. They flashed in his mind, at least a dozen almost identical faces. His core clinched; there was pain there, sorrow but… the affection was louder, the determination. He would remember.
Again, the brothers hugged and cried for a long while. But eventually both were spent. Physically and emotionally exhausted, they crawled into the cabin to sleep.
Like their first night there, Dami laid right in front of Pro, snuggled against his big brother's chest. Again, the little guy drifted to sleep while thoughts swirled in the taller ghost's head. So many things had been said, so many horrible things revealed. Terrible, horrifying, and scarring things…
Pro glanced down at his chest, intimately aware of a twinge there, over his core. Literally scarring. He had the marks, the stitches criss-crossing his chest and arms. The lines circling his thighs, the path branching down his shine tingled. And the bolts in his neck faintly creaked as he moved his head. And yet…. None of it ached and burned as it usually did when he was so intimately aware of his injuries. If anything, those stitches felt better. His core felt better, even if it still ached, the sorrow weighing it down. But….
His eyes softened, taking in the smaller ghost in front of him. Sharing the burden really did make it lighter even if… if he hated making Dami cry. He hated worrying him. But… the understanding, the kind, encouraging words…. His brother had helped him, like he'd pleaded to.
It had been hard but things were out in the open now. Those painful truths had been spoken, acknowledged. And now… maybe they really could start dealing with them. They really could start healing.
And yet… his core twisted, an uncomfortable reminder. Not every painful truth had been voiced. His last great shame, the ectoplasm as his hands, that unforgivable offense…. His insides ached. The image of a needle in his hand. An echo of a threat. A different voice, begging for the end. A body, still before slowly bubbling away. What he'd done…
Pro's hand clinched, eyes flickering back to his brother. Maybe… it wasn't unforgivable. Maybe it was something he could come back from, something he could make up for. The clone bit his lip. But first… he needed… he needed to confess.
Fear flickered in him at the thought. He imagined the horror, the betrayal on Dami's face. His brother would be appalled, disgusted with him. And then…. the anger…
The taller clone shook his head. No. He owed Dami the whole truth, did he? After… after hearing the rest, after supporting him, lending a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen…. his brother deserved to hear the end. No matter his reaction.
Pro took a shaking breath, forcing his muscles to relax. His wavering resolve hardened.
He'd… he'd tell Dami what he did. He'd give it a few days, to let his brother recover from their last emotional conversation. He'd give himself a few days to steel his own courage. But he would do it. He would.