Ramen Doodles
By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
We often see fics where Naruto gets a super special awesome teacher to become incredible.
We also know that Kishimoto is on record saying he wanted to do some miniarcs to explore the Rookie Genin's characters.
So... Why not combine these together! Have some new, unexpected senseis for Team 7, before the Chuunin Exams!
Though some are... Quite familiar.
Two weeks after returning from the Wave Mission...
Kakashi was stumbling around, eyes wide, feverish and sick. He spotted a nurse.
"Did I bang you, Colorful Spaghetti Monster?" He asked. "Well, have a nice dream about it!"
The nurse fell to a genjutsu that was... Deeply disturbing but she refused to let anyone break her out of it. Kakashi continued on his way, coughing against his mask.
"Ugggghhh... Need... Water... For Naruto's garden... Forgot... To water..." He mumbled.
"Code S! CODE S!" A Doctor bellowed.
A moment later, a tall man with brown hair, a green T-shirt, and orangish slacks appeared in front of Kakashi. Kakashi's eyes widened in disbelief.
"HAMBURGER MONSTERS!" He bellowed.
The tall man vanished... And reappeared right behind Kakashi. The Copy Nin fell, but the tall man caught him gently. He held him over to some nurses, who took him gratefully.
"Like, no sweat," he said, "I've had that nightmare too..."
"So..." Naruto broke the stillness of the morning air with his usual tact, "who's gonna teach us, do you think? While Kakashi-sensei's laid up?"
It was surprising that such an incredible ninja could come down with something like a cold, but apparently Kakashi-sensei was pretty terrible at self care. He'd been in the hospital for two weeks already, and there was no sign of his illness dissipating. It wasn't lethal, thankfully... But Kakashi-sensei's laziness extended to his immune system, apparently.
"No idea," Sasuke said, staring out across the verdant training ground. He was leaning against the bridge, as usual, while Sakura milled about. While she admired Naruto a bit more after the Wave Mission, and had different feelings for Sasuke... She didn't feel like she belonged.
"Hmmm..." Naruto grinned. "Hey! Maybe we could get a vampire ninja sensei? Wouldn't that be cool, huh?"
"Stupid," Sakura snorted, "there's no such thing!"
"Vampire would be pretty cool, right Sasuke?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke grunted.
"Weak against sunlight. No thanks."
"He might be like, a super vampire who's immune to sunlight," Naruto argued.
"We'd have to be vampires to gain his powers," Sasuke said.
"Oh yeah, that would suck," Naruto agreed.
Sakura gaped in disbelief.
"Why are you... How can you discuss things like this so easily, Sasuke-kun?!"
"We're guys, it's what we do," Naruto said cheerfully, "and Sasuke is a guy! Took him long enough to prove it!"
"Least I have proved it, dumbass," Sasuke snorted.
"Asshole!" Naruto shot back playfully.
"Ugggghhh...!" Sakura growled. She turned... And immediately bumped into a broad, well built chest underneath a green shirt. She looked up in disbelief. "Ah...?!"
"Like, chill out, little missy!" The man chuckled in accented Japanese. He rummaged around in a bag, and handed over a flatbread wrap. "Here. You should eat a good breakfast burrito! Made it myself! Most important meal of the day!"
"Reah," A huge brown nin-dog added next to him, "rost rimportant real rof ruh ray!"
Naruto and Sasuke turned, and both got breakfast burritos.
"Er... Hello," Sakura said, "I'm Haruno Sakura." She bowed, remembering her manners.
"Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto grinned, bowing... After Sakura glared at him. Sasuke bowed too.
"Uchiha Sasuke," he said.
"And I'm Rogers Norville," the tall man said, "but you can call me Shaggy-sensei! And this is Scooby Doo! And I'm gonna be training you!"
"In what, cooking?" Naruto asked.
Shaggy-Sensei grinned, his eyes shining with power.
"Like, among other things, yes..."
Naruto was a fan of tough training. He loved it! And being taken seriously, he liked that too! All things Shaggy-sensei had done.
But alas, his time was up. He had to get back to his job.
So, feeling a bit depressed, Naruto nevertheless made his way to the Team 7 meeting spot on Monday morning, his hands in his pockets.
Sasuke and Sakura were both there. Sakura sighed, still stretching, while Sasuke was sitting stoically.
"Hey," he greeted them.
"Hn," Sasuke grunted.
"Hey Naruto," Sakura sighed. "Geez... Who do you think we'll get this time? Because our last sensei was... Rough."
"What do you mean rough?!" Naruto demanded. "He was awesome! He fed us, and then he fought us! It was so cool!"
"He was much more involved than Kakashi-sensei was," Sasuke observed quietly.
"YEAH!" Naruto cheered. "Come on Sakura-chan! You have to admit, it was nice!"
"Maybe a little," Sakura admitted, "he did actually... Ya know... Teach us... But still! All that running!"
"Running's good for you!" Naruto insisted. "It'll make your legs look great!"
"Pervert!" Sakura growled, throwing a punch... Which Naruto dodged. "AH! HEY!"
"I was listening to Shaggy-sensei!" Naruto laughed. Sakura growled and threw a few more punches, which Naruto dodged easily. Sakura finally just punched the ground, and Naruto tripped and fell back from the crater it formed.
"HA! So was I!" Sakura taunted.
"Wow! Neat!" Naruto said, genuinely enthused.
"Nice of you to finally become useful," Sasuke added. Sakura flushed, and looked down at the ground.
"Er... Thank you, Sasuke-kun," Sakura admitted in a soft voice.
Naruto glared at Sasuke.
"Hey! Are you blushing?!"
"No!" Sasuke said, far too quickly.
Just before a pie slapped into his face. Naruto's jaw dropped. Sakura gaped.
"What in the-?!"
Another pie zipped into Naruto's face, and a third smacked Sakura, nearly taking her off her feet. All three ninja pulled the pies off, Naruto licking his.
"Mmm... Strawberry?"
"CORRECT!" A woman with wild, bubbly pink hair in a pink balaclava and suit appeared in a flash of pink smoke. She pulled off her balaclava and beamed.
"Hi! I'm Pie Pinkamenia Diane! But you can call me Pinkie-sensei!"
"Pies?" Sasuke asked, holding back a snort. Pinkie nodded.
"Uh huh! Laced with poison!"
"POISON?!" Naruto and Sakura shrieked, while Sasuke's eyes bugged out in alarm. Naruto immediately dove into the stream below their bridge, washing out his mouth. Sakura went to her antipoison kit in her pouch, as did Sasuke. Pinkie laughed, and shook her head.
"No no no! I mean, they could have been! But they weren't!"
"Oh," Naruto mumbled, a bit embarrassed, as he climbed back up to the bridge. Sasuke and Sakura calmed down, now facing the pink-clad woman with new respect. Pinkie grinned and winked.
"Buuut, that's the ninja way! All warfare is deception! If your enemy is expecting you to do something, do something they'd never expect! Be the unexpected! Ergo... Pies!"
She held up a large metal tube.
"Out of a rocket launcher! They'll never see it coming! But first!"
She immediately hugged Naruto, then Sasuke, then Sakura.
"We need to bond as a team! So we'll be having a 'Team Bonding Party!' GUMMY!"
A gigantic alligator emerged from a poof of pink smoke, and opened its mouth. It spat out several seal scrolls, which Pinkie took and opened up. A pile of gifts, a table of food and drinks, and a surprised looking DJ appeared in clouds of smoke. Pinkie beamed and winked.
"How...?" Sakura managed.
"You'd be amazed at how useful seals are!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "And the invitees should be here... Nnnnnow!"
Another cloud of smoke, and all of Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke's classmates and friends appeared, all quite confused. Pinkie bounced up to them as the DJ shrugged and began playing music. Sasuke blinked.
"I'm beginning to understand your hesitation, Sakura," Sasuke muttered to the pink haired girl.
"I told you," Sakura muttered back, "we gotta talk to the Hokage about these substitutes-NARUTO!"
Naruto turned back, already eating cake.
"What? I'm not letting it go to waste! Besides... I've never had a party before."
Pinkie-sensei was by his side in an instant, her eyes wide as she gasped loudly.
"NEVER HAD A PARTY BEFORE?!" Pinkie hugged him. "DON'T WORRY! I'LL TEACH YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!"
She dragged Naruto off, and paired him up with Hinata to dance... Which Naruto did, but Hinata promptly fainted. Pinkie shook her head and snapped her fingers.
"So many people don't know how to party! But don't worry! I, your amazing sensei, will teach you EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW!"
Another sensei... Fluttershy-sensei...
Fluttershy: "I'm uh, not a very strong ninja myself... But I have a lot of friends."
Sasuke and Naruto were struck dumb, staring at the supermodel hot kunoichi before them. Sakura glares at them, before looking back at their new sensei.
Sakura: "Summons?"
Fluttershy: "Friends... Who I can summon. If they're not too busy."
Sakura: "Like what? Who?"
Discord: "Yooo~! Sorry Fluttershy, gotta handle something real quick. Be right back!"
Fluttershy: "Oh, that's all right Discord. Have a good day!" beams
Discord: "Oh, I will..." Poof
Later, in a certain underground lair...
Madara: "Soon our plan will come to fruition, Obito, Zetsu, and... What the-Who are you?!"
Discord: "Wow... This is a complicated, convoluted plan of yours... Would be a terrible shame if a bit of... chaos... Upset it, wouldn't it~?" snap!
Zetsu: "WHY IS THE GEDO MEZU MADE OUT OF CHEESE!"
Discord: "Well you had so much whine, I thought you could really do with some cheese."
Zetsu: "WHERES THE REAL ONE. MOOOOOOTHEEEERRRRRRR!"
Discord: "Oh come on, it wasn't that bad a pun!"
Sakura was fuming. Which wasn't unusual for her. What was unusual was that Naruto wasn't bothering her. He was instead leaning against the railing of the bridge, sighing in depression as he gazed into the waters running below.
No, the source of Sakura's irritation was that Sasuke was almost doing the same thing!
"A full week with Fluttershy-sensei just wasn't enough," Naruto sighed.
Sasuke nodded.
"Oh come on! She wasn't that good!" Sakura huffed, "you just miss her because she was... Was...!"
"Hot?" Naruto asked.
"SHE'S NOT THAT HOT!" Sakura practically shouted.
"She was a competent, powerful ninja," Sasuke sighed, "and a good teacher."
"Yeah, see?" Naruto said quickly, "Sasuke agrees with me! That's what I'm missing!"
"... She was also hot," Sasuke allowed. Naruto nodded happily.
"Yeah, she totally-Oh shit."
"YOU PERVERTS!" Sakura bellowed, punching both Naruto and Sasuke into the river. She stormed off, stomping nearly the lone tree that stood by the bridge. Sasuke and Naruto stuck their heads out of the water, both shocked.
"Geez... She finally hit you!" Naruto said. "Wait... Dude... Are you blushing?"
"No," Sasuke said quickly. He got up, dried off with a Fire Jutsu, and resumed brooding like nothing unusual had happened. Naruto got out, dried his clothing by stripping down... Which led to Sakura chasing him furiously.
"YOU KNOCKED ME IN THE WATER!" Naruto shouted.
"DON'T STRIP IN FRONT OF ME!" Sakura bellowed.
Both Naruto and Sakura were soon suspended in a purple energy field, floating above the ground. Naruto frantically kicked his legs, trying to keep running.
"AH! HEY! WHAT GIVES?!" Naruto shouted.
"Now now, no roughhousing," a tall, staturesque woman in a purple gi spoke. She walked up to them, adjusting her glasses, her dark purple hair (with a pink streak) arranged in a neat bun behind her head. She cancelled the jutsu, and both Naruto and Sakura landed on the ground. She gave them a smile.
"You should work hard to master taijutsu, but this isn't the best way to go about it," she said. "Oh! I'm Sparkle Twilight! You may call me Twilight-sensei! It's nice to meet you!"
"Er, hey," Naruto managed. He ran for his clothing with a blush, and got dressed in record time-Just in time to be late introducing himself with Sasuke and Sakura. Twilight nodded, smiling warmly.
"I'm glad I'll be teaching you! My apprentice recently became a chuunin, so I've had a lot of time on my hands! Now," she summoned a clipboard, "we do have a mission. But I'm confident we will accomplish it together!"
"What kind of mission?" Naruto asked eagerly. "Are we rescuing a princess? Defeating an army? Blowing up a dam?!"
"Oh no, nothing like that," Twilight laughed, and Naruto sighed in disappointment, "we'll be doing something even more important! Retrieving a library donation of scrolls and books!"
"Books? Ugh!" Naruto groaned. Twilight beamed and shook her finger.
"Now now! Books contain all the knowledge we've been able to save and obtain! There wouldn't be any ninja without books! And didn't you learn a powerful jutsu from a forbidden scroll?"
"Yeah, but still," Naruto sighed. Twilight beamed.
"Oh don't worry! There's all sorts of things I can teach you on the mission!"
"Such as?" Sasuke asked, skeptical.
"Well..."
Twilight rummaged around in her robes, and sighed.
"Spike?"
A poof of green fire, and a small boy in purple ninja garb, with reptilian wings and claws, appeared at her side. He handed her a piece of paper.
"Thank you," Twilight said, as the ninja vanished, "now then... See this piece of paper? Looks utterly unremarkable, right?"
"Yeah," the genin chorused. Twilight fed a bit of purple chakra into it, and threw it at a tree. The paper spun like a shuriken, flashed through the tree trunk, and then flew right back to her hand. The three genin stared.
"Three... Two... One," Twilight said, and the tree's top slid off its bottom, collapsing. The three genin gaped in astonishment.
"Wow!" Naruto said. "Can you do that with any piece of paper?!"
"Yes, but don't rip them out of a book!" Twilight stated, carefully tucking the sheet of paper into her clipboard. She pulled out a pen and made a few checkmarks. "Okay! Let's go!"
Twilight turned and walked off. Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto got a look at her papers as she did.
"'Step one: Demonstrate power. Step two, introductions. Step three, further convincing of ability when questioned. Step 4, check off checklist,'" Sakura read, blinking. "Seriously? Who does that?"
"Ninjas should be well organized," Sasuke said.
"You're just saying that because she's hot too!" Naruto growled.
"No! ... Not just that," Sasuke admitted.
Sakura bit back a scream of frustration.
By Xero Key
Shino walked up to Team 7 as they waited for their next substitute sensei. To even Sasuke's surprise, Shino looked haunted.
Shino: I am here to warn you.
Sakura: About?
Shino: *deep breath* I know who your next Substitute Sensei is.
Naruto: Don't keep us in suspense man!
Shino: …It's my cousin. She's an absolute prodigy using my family techniques. Going farther than any other Aburame has before.
Sasuke: Okay, so she's skilled. Why would you be warning us? After the last few, I wouldn't mind a normal Jonin.
Shino: On her first mission out of the Academy, she nearly killed a rogue ninja by panicking. The man survived but his… 'equipment' rotted away from necrosis. *he pointedly look downwards, Naruto and Sasuke winced*
Sakura: Okay, fair enough. But she's gotten more control since then. I'm sure we'll be fine.
Shino: *chuckles* Yes, more control. Now such a thing isn't an accident.
?: *a cloud of bugs forms a humanoid shape next to Shino, then bursts into a puff of smoke to reveal a woman with black hair* Shino, please don't make my students too afraid of me.
Her voice was like that of thousands of cicadas imitating human speech.
Taylor-sensei: Sorry about this, busy finishing up paperwork and I can never get my Bug Clones to sound right.
Naturally, the Senseis are (in order):
-Memetic!Shaggy
-Pinkie Pie
-Fluttershy
-Twilight Sparkle
-Taylor from Worm
Come up with your own!