How badly could this go

by anorc

Congratulations! You've just woken up as Harry Potter the day you go to Hogwarts for the first time! How do you use your knowledge to inadvertently make things much worse than they ended in canon The /r/UlsterSaysRugby Challenge from /r/HPFanfiction. Warning: it goes poorly.

6. Moping for a cure

Part Five: Moping for a cure.

Since this incarnation has gone so well, our protagonist assumed he'd be back as an Auror. An assumption that was false.

I moped around Grimmauld place for a bit. Well… a long time.

Yes I moped for a year. There were spells to learn, and I was practising making potions, but really it was too boring to write down, all right. Forty years of being an Auror, then not being one was… hard to take.

Nearly a year later, at a Yule ball, I watched Sirius happily dancing with Maddie. That put a smile on my face. They were happy, Remus had a job, and I had arranged for Remus and Tonks to sit next to each other at the odd Black family get-together. Remus was being reluctant. Sooner or later Tonks was going to snap and just demand a snog.

I found Miss Shafiq, who wore a dress of brilliant blue feathers, and was managing to converse haltingly in French. She was humouring me.

"You're the one that saved last years ball, yet you are not an Auror?" she asked in English, patience with my French expended, I guess.

"It's… The head Auror feels I'm a poor fit for the organisation" I said. "I do very well on their tests."

"Oui. Nymphadora mentioned that" said Miss Shafiq. "And you don't dance."

"I choose not to." I said.

"Yet you imply that you can. I doubt it" she said, seeing someone in the room and waving them over.

Fleur Delacour, in a designer robe, with a Bill Weasley, looking tall, handsome and like the leading man in the film. If we were in a film.

"Mister Potter is very talented with his mouth" she said to Fleur.

Fleur rolled her eyes "Emmalise, we're not making those jokes. Bill Weasley is very good with his wand. He's a Gringotts Cursebreaker." Emmalise Shafiq smiled slightly "Obviously. Mister Weasley, do you know why Mister Potter is all talk?"

Bill shook his head "My little brother says he's clever, but not brilliant, good at magic but was never first in class, and last year he demolished ten attackers, batting spells aside. I'd have to say he's humouring you. My little brother has implied that Mr Potter is probably the most dangerous, paranoid man alive. Frankly, he's wasted as an Auror. As a curse-breaker, he could shine."

I'd never heard Bill soliloquise before. He has the voice for it, jammy prat.

I turned my gaze on Bill and raised my eyebrows "Are Gringotts hiring? I asked.

"Gringotts are always hiring" said Fleur "Attrition," which didn't sound very encouraging really.

"And we're getting married" admitted Bill "Less time for field work. Can you even dance, my brother says you don't dance, drink alone like a sad git and scream in the night."

"Nightmares" I said blandly "I took a potion for it."

"Come on Potter, dance with Emmelise, and she can laugh about how bad a dancer you are" said Fleur.

So I waltzed around with Emmelise Shafiq.

"For someone that doesn't dance you dance quite competently" she observed.

There was a lift and I heaved her about.

"And you're quite fit" she said "Auror training?"

"Something like that" I admitted.

She got her one dance, and I went off to have a drink from my hip-flask. The drinks at the tables could be spiked with any of a dozen knockout potions.

For some reason there was a disturbance in the dance floor and I drew my wand, stowing my hip-flask. My hopes got up that it would be another attack, and I could fight someone. It wasn't.

It was Pansy, Lily, Tracey and Sally-Anne. They rounded on me, looking annoyed. As I'd avoided all of them for years, I didn't know why.

"You can actually dance." said Pansy bluntly "You shunned everyone in fourth year, and you can actually dance, and only dance with Emmelise, the spoilt cow." Pansy hadn't gotten any nicer.

"My ability to dance, or otherwise is not any concern of yours" I replied.

"Do you know how few men our age there are?" said Lily crossly. "Whose father's aren't in Azkaban." Pansy shot Lily a glare.

"Mine was for a decade" I offered. Hostage negotiation 101, offer common ground.

"With nine NEWTs, a decent inheritance, and a family fortune?" said Lily "There's you, Ernie Smith, The muggleborn Hufflepuff… Finch-Fletchly, the Ravenclaws are all poor, and that's it. And Smith's an arse."

I nodded "Smith is a bit that way, yes" I agreed. "Maybe consider wizards with less NEWTs?"

"You're the only one with Nine. If Snape let E's in potions, you'd probably have ten. And you were talking to Saint Bill Weasley, the best wizard to come out of Hogwarts this decade, who has apparently snagged Delacour. You have to come to parties and dance, and talk, or we end up having to dance with Malfoy, and Nott. And Nott's boring."

"Corner's tall?" I suggested.

"And does something boring in the ministry" said Sally-Anne. "And won't say what."

"Oh he's an Unspeakable then" I nodded. "Clever clogs. What about Blaise?" The witches looked surprised I'd said that so glibly. I worked in the bloody ministry for decades. Corner was always a dark horse.

"Blaise prefers Italian witches." said Pansy, eyes narrowed. "And before you start, you bloody broke Malfoy. He flinches at your name."

I smiled broadly at that. Now that's a life-goal achieved.

"Pansy's just cross because Astoria Greengrass has her hooks in Draco" said Lily conspiratorially.

"Hmh" went Pansy and retreated.

"Where's the rest of you?" I asked politely-ish.

"Millie's in Senegal, on safari." said Tracey "Daphne's at home. She is terribly shy."

I blinked at that. "Terribly shy? Too shy to come to the Yule ball? Aren't Tracey and Daphne joined at the hip?"

"A baseless slander" said Tracey. "We're just best friends."

I didn't fall for her joke. It was childish. And Daphne wasn't that shy, I remembered that nineteenth birthday party. That's… reserved but… passionate. I had a moment's quiet remembrance for the failed affair with the last lifetimes Daphne… it had been fantastic while it lasted, all one day of it.

The Slytherin girls stood around pointedly.

I gave in and danced a dance with Lily Moon. She danced quite well, and when I dropped her off at the coven of Slytherin girls she said simply "He can actually dance. Mr missed opportunity."

Tracey took a dance, then Sally-Ann. I drew the line at Pansy. She was not offended at all.

I escaped to see the other Gryffindor boys.

"Slytherin girls?" asked Seamus "Gettin a bit dehsparate aint ye?"

"They mobbed me, blame me for not going to balls. Apparently I'm a disgrace to wizards for not turning up to stuff." I looked around "Where are the Ravenclaw boys anyway?" Michael, Terry and Tony were all not there.

"The lads from Ravenclaw are having their own party" said Pansy. "Corner has a newish flat in London apparently, and is having a lads party there." I felt a moment's longing to hear Tony's Jewish wizard shtick again. Sweet Nostalgia.

"I might drop by" I said "They're all right."

"It's apparently Anthony's last Yule single, his Mother's decided he's getting married." said Seamus.

I blinked "His mother?"

"Apparently good Jewish boys do what their mothers say" said Dean, looking amused.

"Isn't… doesn't … being Jewish" I said incoherently.

"His Mother has found a nice Jewish witch in America, in the predicament of not being married." said Dean, snorting "She decided there was nothing for it and brought a subscription to something, and found personals. Poor bugger, she'll be some awful American bint."

"And you two aren't at a lads night?" I asked.

"All the witches are here. And you're the one dancing with them" said Seamus sarcastically.

"Hufflepuffs?" asked Harry.

"Eh, Susan's my friend, Hannah's with Neville, and there's only Megan, and she won't go out with me" said Seamus.

"Again" said Dean sarcastically "Not after last year."

"Where is this party anyway?" I asked, hoping the see and hear the three Ravenclaws again.

"9 Stanley Road, Bounds green. It's a house." said Seamus. "We're going to swing past later, Mike suggested the good stuff starts at eleven."

I checked the time. The "good bits" of the other party were ages away, so I braved the drinks.

And there was Sue Bones, looking pale and wan.

"Hi Susan!" I said cheerfully.

"Potter" she said tiredly. "Have you got a date yet?"

"Nope" I replied. "Still a git."

"Swotty git" said Susan kindly. Her family weren't dead, so I considered that a pretty good result.

"What are you doing these days?" I asked.

"Trainee Auror" she said. And then explained. She was in DMLE because she had good potions grades. (And her Aunty… and her Daddy work there too.)

It's not like the Ministry only hires family. And that Sirius is free but nobody's happy about the stink it caused. Honestly, and that Amelia Bones dislikes Sirius for some Hogwarts-related reason.

Susan, while tired, was a good dancer, and very light in her feet.

"Is that Auror training, or just being a good dancer?" I asked her.

"A bit of both" said Susan, and we danced a bit more. I did a lift and she was impressed, really she was a bit light. An orange coat-rack is a cruel description….but she makes Ginny Weasley look voluptuous. Not that Ginny Weasley looks like someone's little sister these days.

"You should eat more." I suggested to Susan "You're too light. Eat more meat."

"Oh!" said Susan "We need to make this clear Potter, you're a wannabe, and I'm an Auror trainee."

Megan Jones was with the other famous Joneses, including the very famous Gwenog Jones. Ginny Weasley was over there with ... Michael Corner. Who wasn't at his own party. The way Ginny Weasley danced so closely suggested I didn't know who was with who. I didn't think it mattered as none of them seemed like threats. Corner seemed to have his um.. hands full.

Ron and Lavender were dancing. At least he and Hermione wouldn't divorce this time.

I said hello to all the Weasleys, which took bloody ages, they'd all got partners, except of Charlie who wasn't there, and I barely had time to apparate home, look in an atlas and apparate over to the Corner Party.

It was a plain looking little row house, and I was a little under-whelmed with the look of it.

I knocked, and Terry Boot let me in, looking tipsy. "Potter?" he said "Never expected to see you here. Still, we've got quite an eclectic crowd already."

I went down the white-painted narrow hall, past a sitting room full of Ravenclaws playing risk, through a crowded kitchen, out the back door to a backyard full of what looked like conjured chairs and couches, and braziers. There were young witches and wizards sitting around, and a couple of very um… prostitutey looking witches. Blimey the Ravenclaws knew how to set up a party.

I found a table of butterbeer and grabbed one, and sat where I could see Anthony. He also looked a bit pissed. After a quick charm to detect tampering I took a sip.

"Hey Goldstein" I said.

"Potter" said Tony. We weren't friends in this lifetime. In hindsight, a lost opportunity.

"What are you up to?" I asked "I failed to get into the Aurors… twice, the second time as a poor cultural fit. What are you up to? I saw Corner with Weasley at the Ministry."

"Ginny and Mike will be back later, if you know what I mean" said Tony. I raised my eyebrows.

"I swear she should pay rent" said Tony. I chuckled.

"Where do you live anyway, nobody knows?" asked Tony.

"Sirius Black adopted me, I'm in the Black townhouse. It's unplottable, and stuff. Oodles of rooms, about fourteen. Sirius's got a nearly-fiancée, Maddie Ostirsdottir, and Professor Lupin's his friend, and he has rooms too. I've got the fourth floor now. A couple of rooms." I said.

Tony rolled his eyes and started to talk "Don't take to me about fiancées. My mother, she's a lovely woman but she decided I need a wife. Obviously a good jewish wife, and that's a bit tricky as well… witches and wizards aren't welcome in the synagogue. Oy veh."

It felt so familiar to hear Tony complaining comically. I nodded and sipped butterbeer.

"So, for a long time my mother she was unable to satisfy her urges. Then, disaster stuck, She had decided to mingle with our society, by going to a St Mungos fundraiser."

I nodded, I didn't know that was a thing.

"And met a Healer, Andromeda Tonks with her Muggleborn husband, and they hit it off, and Mother despaired of finding me a wife. I'm taking my time, and honestly, a witch doesn't have to be jewish for me. But my mother."

"Um" I said awkwardly "That's my adoptive Aunt. Andromeda Tonks nee Black."

Tony took a hit of amber liquid "Your… a Black… aren't they… you know."

"Not Aunt Andromeda and Sirius, and everyone else is dead, or in prison, with the exception of Malfoy's mum." I explained. Somehow my bottle had got empty so I summoned another one.

"Shes…. Malfoy's mum is your aunt now?" asked Tony loudly. "That's fucking terrible. Dinner with that shit!"

"We don't interact with the Malfoys. " I explained. "No way" And took a drink.

"Thank Christ for that" said Tony. Honestly he hardly sounds Jewish. He didn't in the life before either.

"So Andromeda Tonks suggested mum get Harpsichords Bazaar from New York, which is a magazine for magicals with some class. There are a lot of them over there." said Tony, and took a sip. "And then she put an ad in for a Jewish witch about twenty. And her mother wrote to my mother by portkey-post. And now they're coming in the new year. I'm supposed to just get engaged to this girl I've never met. And an American. I've seen American movies and TV. She'll be awful."

"And the arranged marriage bit's not off-putting too?" I asked.

"Look, mum was going to want to arrange it anyway, be being magical just makes it awkward." said Tony.

I stared at Tony in horror "You're seriously going to accept an arranged marriage?"

Tony shook his head "I'm going to go on some dates with this… Sarah Silvermann and if we're both lucky, we'll like each other, and our mothers can stop bugging both of us."

"And if not" asked a girl behind me.

"Well, we'll tell our mums, I guess, and sit thought some grizzling, and maybe this Sarah knows some other Jewish witches roughly our age." said Tony like a true Ravenclaw.

"And what does this Sarah Silvermann get out of that?" asked a witch. I turned my head and had a look at her. I didn't recognise her. Dark curly hair, dark eyes. An odd accent. Like … somewhere in the east of London but not.

"Maybe if she doesn't like me, she might hit it off with Terry, or maybe even Harry. I mean, he's a bit mental, but face it Harry, you're good at fighting. There's got to be a job for you somewhere" said Tony.

I turned to ask the witch "Who are you?"

"Leanne Wanger. Sarah's friend from school. I was in England sightseeing, and Tony's mum gave me the address." she said, and smiled at Tony, who looked suddenly nervous.

"Hi" said Tony, sounding like he was eleven again. That nearly had tears in my eyes.

"So, you're Tony Goldstein, Terry Boot's at the door, this is… the famous Harry Potter, You all went to school together." asked Leanne Wanger. If you'd asked me I'd say she looked a bit middle-eastern. A suspicion formed in my mind.

"Harry was in our year, but he spent a lot of time somewhere mysterious, and was trained from birth by the mysterious Master Quan, a retired Chinese Auror." said Tony.

Leanne snorted. It was a cute, high-pitched snort. I'd heard higher pitched snorts from girls but not many.

Tony went on the … comedic defensive, I recognised the stance change "It was great secret, but the fact that he could paste anyone in a duel even in first year, and did exercise every day showed it." said Tony.

Leanne looked at Tony and shook her head "You bloody brits. Are you being serious or kidding around. First year duels, shooting sparks at each other, stinging hexes."

Tony smiled "Come sit, and I'll explain a little" said Tony. Leanne did some dramatic eye-rolling, hand tossing thing and sat at the end of Tony's couch.

Tony pointed at me "This, is Harry fucking Potter. Last year, a new bunch of thugs attacked the ministry Yule ball. Harry here, waded in like a one man Auror team, deflecting spells with his wand… like a lightsaber battle, then just taking lighter hexes like it was nothing."

"I got cut in the right arm twice. I bled quite a bit" I demurred.

"And burned the cuts closed like an Auror in a battle." added Tony.

Leanne looked at me dubiously. "He's a one-man army. Looks a bit … wiry for that. And his hair is a mess. We've got a statue of the thirteen Aurors that founded MACUSA Aurors, and the Potter there is a huge man. Even MY hair in England isn't as messy as his!"

"Your hair looks quite delightful" said Tony smoothly. Leanne gave him an odd look. "Are you hitting on me?" she asked.

"He's being nice. It's a British thing" I explained drily.

"And you really fought an army on your own?" asked Leanne.

"Fifteen fairly poor fighters, and I was wearing a full set of protective charms." I corrected.

"Because Potter here wears armour to bed, sleeps with his wand in his hand, and it's quite unusual to see him drinking anything handed to him. You're drinking our butterbeer, right?" asked Tony. I nodded "I check it first though."

Leanne laughed "So how many was it really, you two are both kidding, right?" she asked in a clear way that sounded… quite American really. Not twangy and stuff, but not English.

"He really is that paranoid. And I heard it was more than fifteen." said Tony politely.

"I wasn't really counting." I admitted. Tony shook his head. I had another drink.

"The Aurors counted them afterwards" said Tony. "And he's single because he doesn't like girls."

"Oh, he's gay!" said Leanne loudly. "How adorable. I've got a gay friend from Ilvermornay that would be interested in his address."

"I'm not. Gay" I corrected the American witch. "I just studied, trained and learned languages at school, and didn't dance at the one ball we ever had at school."

"You learnt languages?" asked Tony, just as Leanne asked "Only one ball! A senior prom?"

"German, French, Italian, Bulgarian, Greek, Latin" I explained "I was aiming for DMLE, international cases."

"DMLE?" asked Leanne in a more American accent. She was drinking something from a tall glass, and her accent was going home as she got lubricated.

"Auror office" offered Tony. "We had a ball with a few students from two other schools in ninety-four, for the Tri-Wizard Tourament."

"Wasn't one of them a witch?" asked Leanne sharply.

"Fleur Delacour from France who's seeing Bill Weasley, a Gringotts Bank cursebreaker." I offered.

"Which one is Bill?" asked Tony. A sensible question.

"The one that's six foot three, and looks like a rockstar." I explained. "All the looks went into the eldest. He got twelve NEWTs and I think he was captain of the quidditch team."

"That's that funny Limey game with all the balls?" asked Leanne. Tony did a huge eye-roll, hands throwing in his lap thing "You're lucky Potter doesn't do sports, just exercises, and I don't care for it. Most Brit wizards and witches follow a league team" Tony explained. "Because I'm a Ravenclaw, and Potter's just… Potter."

"Ravenclaw?" asked Leanne "Is that some political thing?"

A witch that sounded familiar started talking behind me, my situational awareness was shot. I blame the alcohol, and the effect of seeing Tony alive. It was… I was quite put out all right.

Someone said sarcastically "Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry sorts students into four houses for no particular reason and makes them compete for meaningless points and a meaningless cup annually to make the students follow rules. The excessively friendly go into Hufflepuff house, whose symbol is a badger, you're American, so Badgers are large dog-sized carnivores that burrow. Ravenclaw house, where the excessively fond of cleverness go, symbol a Raven, Gryffindor house where the excessively brave go, symbol, A Lion, and Slytherin house, where the ambitious go, symbol… a snake." whoever it was finished with an audible smile.

I turned and it was Daphne Greengrass, casually dressed, holding butterbeer. She smirked.

"Oh… wow, you've got one of those amazing British accents, are you a princess or something?" asked Leanne. I luckily caught Greengrasses reaction, and it was priceless. She actually blushed.

"My family are just… older, and richer than… Mister Potter and Mister Goldstien's." said Greengrass politely "Daphne Greengrass. And you are?"

"Leanne Wanger" said Leanne, who I had my suspicions about. I turned to see her. She had a look on her face like she wasn't too happy. Greengrass usually had that look, maybe it had slid off and slithered onto Leanne. I nearly giggled. Maybe I'm drunk.

"Oh Hello Greengrass" said Tony, going for a some sort of tact-save "You came to our party?"

"Marietta told me, and it seemed a quaint little gathering. And someone sprang for prostitutes. How very boyish of you all."

"Justin um… decided to pay for some" said Tony awkwardly.

"Finch-Fletchley is in the Habit of supplying parties with prostitutes?" asked Daphne Greengrass in an affronted tone.

Leanne smiled awkwardly and asked "Uh, you're not saying the witches in the low-cut dresses are… hookers?" she sounded… shocked. But with her accent, it was hard to tell.

"I think so" I replied "I thought it was a Ravenclaw party thing, but that must be the game of Risk in the dining room. So Justin Finch-Fletchly, he's a muggleborn and well, just by having a double surname in England, you know he's rich, he was a Hufflepuff, which prizes hard work and teamwork. I wasn't aware it ran to prostitutes." I smiled at Leanne who looked surprised.

"I think Justin was scared no witches would come, and it would be all boys sitting around drinking and being sad bastards" said Tony bluntly.

"So he paid hookers to come to the party" said Leanne sternly.

"I'll have to go ask" said Greengrass "They might not be." She sounded annoyed too.

I turned and watched her go over and talk to the group of prostitutes, and I didn't hear, but Greengrass reacted by putting her hand to her mouth, then asked some more questions.

She returned, blushing. Last time I'd seen that on her face she was naked. My pants remembered.

She sat down next to Leanne, "Budge up" she said, and they ended up close enough to talk.

"Well, Finch Fletchly has outdone himself. They're polyjuiced prostitutes, one's gay, and there's two male prostitutes, and one of them is gay too." said Greengrass.

Leanne just said "Oh My Gawd. It's an Orgy." in a tone that had to be New York.

"And what surprised you, Greengrass?" I asked casually.

"The one I talked to propositioned me." said Greengrass, looking cute in her blush.

"So… this rich friend, hired them, and here all the prostitutes use polyjuice?" asked Leanne.

"Almost all sex workers in England use polyjuice unless they're really poor. There are about twenty-two thousand witches and wizards in the whole country. Everyone knows someone who knows someone." said Daphne.

"Twenty-two thousand. My gawd, you're nearly extinct" said Leanne. I snorted at her accent moving permanently to New York. Or maybe even Queens. I'm not sure. At least she didn't sound like Fran Drescher. Small mercies I guess.

"There was a war, lots of families died out." I explained.

"Like his. He's a neuter" said Tony, with a slight smile.

"Just because I don't go to balls and didn't date does not make me a neuter" I protested. "I had a big plan to be the best Auror I could be."

"And failed to get into NEWT potions, and then failed to make a new plan" said Greengrass sarcastically.

"I got provisional entry last year based on… doing stuff" I protested.

"And still, you aren't an Auror" said Greengrass pointedly.

"Are they a couple?" Leanne asked Tony. While he was drinking. Tony choked, tried to spit out amber liquid and was clawing at his throat.

Leanne drew a wand from her sleeve, tapped Tony's throat and said something in a very liquid language I didn't recognise that certainly wasn't broken Latin, and Tony's nose spouted liquid onto the ground. Tony took a deep breath.

"Oh thank you" he said, taking another deep breath. "Don't do that" he said a bit later.

Leanne looked a little ashamed but not much.

"I am Not dating Potter." said Greengrass quite definitively.

"Ahem… Potter-Black" I said, with a slight smirk, little miss could do with a tiny yank on her chain, I felt.

"Fine" huffed Greengrass "I'm not dating Potter-Black."

Leanne watched Daphne's protest "Two surnames… so he's rich?" she asked.

"He's the current heir of the Black family. One of the oldest, wealthiest and once politically powerful families." said Daphne Greengrass very properly. "And I wouldn't date him, because, he's from a very humble background."

"And that he has cute green eyes, and looks like he could carry you like a fireman?" asked Leanne.

Greengrass rolled her eyes "In all the years of school, I never talked to Potter. He rarely deigned to talk to anyone."

"I was busy" I protested.

'Um, Greengrass… you never dated anyone." said Tony, in what I felt was drunken candour. Or maybe having a girl closer to him on the couch. I only knew twelve-year-old Tony not the adult one.

"I went to the yule ball in fourth year with Claude Rene from Beaubatons." said Greengrass. "You are incorrect."

I wanted to make a smart-ass remark about those being fighting words to a Ravenclaw, but something else happened instead.

"Tony!" yelled Michael Corner from the back door.

Tony put a hand up and waved "Over here!" he yelled.

Michael Corner, all six foot two of him sat down on a comfy chair, looking tall and dark and Ginny Weasley curled up on his lap looking pouty. Her hair looked flame red in this light.

"Tony, did Justin really hire all those hookers?" asked Michael, putting an arm around Ginny Weasley.

Tony parroted Daphne's report "Male and female, gay and straight. He's so rich, I think he's trying to prove he's cool."

"He's not that rich" said Greengrass.

"Uh… his father's an earl, and their house has nearly a hundred rooms." said Tony. "He's… richer than Malfoy."

"Richer than Malfoy." said Greengrass sounding surprised, and she shook her head. "Why don't people tell people these things."

"Because they're muggles" I offered. "He was down for Eton before he got his Hogwarts letter. It's like… the pre-Hogwarts for rich Muggles."

Daphne Greengrass stared at me like I'd grown a second head. "Since when did you ever volunteer information?"

"Oh he likes you" said Leanne, with a hand gesture, "I'm Leanne Wanger, I'm from America, and a friend of Sarah Silvermanns. Sarah's coming to England next year to see Tony Goldstein here, maybe they'll date. Sarah's mother gave me the address. I wasn't expecting the party to be so wild."

Michael Corner looked over at Leanne and nuzzled Ginny Weasley "Hey Gin, Leanne's American. A friend of Tony's mysterious portkey-post bride."

Ginny Weasley looked over at Leanne and frowned "Are their mothers completely mental?" she asked with buckets of Weasley tact.

"Almost certainly" said Leanne politely.

"It's part of the burden of being a Jewish wizard" said Tony, in a tone that heralded one of his fabulous bullshit whinges. "How am I supposed to go to Temple when the Torah tells me not to suffer a witch to live. And Hogwarts, oy veh, Bacon at every breakfast, pork sausages, roast pork at main meals. It was a nightmare. A nightmare I tell you."

Leanne was looking at him with a look of shock "You can't possibly take that part seriously. It talks about keeping slaves and nobody does that!"

"Oh, you mean like house elves?" I asked.

"Shut it Potter" said Ginny Weasley. "I want to hear Leanne."

Everyone took a drink. Leanne didn't start talking first.

Tony started up again "Well, … I can't keep that part, not and ever get married. I mean… either kill my own wife, or I marry a muggle and my daughters might be witches, and I'm not killing my own wife and children" Tony was shaking his hands for emphasis, and Michael looked like he was barely keeping it in. I'd missed Tony's line of bullshit complaints.

"So Goldstein, Jews still hunt witches?" asked Greengrass in a cold tone, hooked and reeled in.

"I'm the only Jewish wizard I know, and I'm only hunting witches to try to find a wife my mother will not complain about." said Tony earnestly.

Michael sniggered and started laughing, and that set me off too.

"This is all some… schtick you do you… you… kvechting meshuggeh!" said Leanne Wanger angrily. And partly in yiddish. Which for a friend of a Jewish witch is pretty impressive. And implausible. And she practically admitted she knew the Torah.

Tony looked at her and really looked. "Yes" he nodded "It's a schtick, and I'm killing them" he said emphatically.

Michael was still amused, and tickling Ginny.

I looked over at Greengrass, who looked like she'd seen the punchline.

"He's a comedian. The only Jewish wizard comedian in London" I explained, and broke into a fit of snorts.

"The Jews don't hunt witches, but… they do find witches and wizards hard to accept" said Tony much more seriously. "But, with the Statue of Secrecy, it's not a big deal. Except for family. Then it's painful."

Leanne forgot herself and said "Oy veh" to that.

I asked Leanne in my best bad German "Do you speak German, Fräulein Wanger?"

She frowned and answered in German "Yes, but why?"

Greengrass looked cross "Potter, your accent it is terrible" she said in German with an accent I could almost place. From my original life.

"When is a friend a friend and when are they the bride in no disguise?" I asked in German.

Greengrass looked momentarily puzzled, and Leanne Wanger said in German "Don't tell him please – "

I interrupted with "You're finding out what he's like, I hope for both your sakes the very best happening." in German. I think, My German's pretty bad, and Greengrass shook her head "You should not speak German, you're terrible." she said in that accented German.

"Austerlich?" I asked. Was that an Austrian accent?

"Ungarish" Daphne Greengrass replied and suddenly her slightly tilted blue eyes made sense. A bit Hungarian. I nodded, and had a drink.

"What was all that?" asked Ginny "A gargling contest?"

"A rude habit of Potters. A quick conversation in German, or broken German in Potters case. He was trying to smooth things over." said Daphne Greengrass.

"They're so a couple. Or should be." said Leanne to Tony, who was drinking and sprayed it instead of choking.

"Leanne, stop trying to kill him. Sarah might like him" said Daphne Greengrass, with a smile that was easily ninety percent sarcasm by weight.

"Yeah that's twice" protested Tony. "You can't kill me before Sarah meets me."

I burst out laughing, and Greengrass fired a hex of some kind at me, which I took on my protections. The blue crackle as it dissipated on my undershirt was a bit ouchy.

"So he's rich and doesn't date, she's rich and doesn't date and they are funny together. And he's as cute as she is pretty. It's perfect" said Leanne, clapping her hands together.

Ginny shook her head "Leanne, that could never work they were in different houses at Hogwarts." she explained.

"Uh… why does anyone care what house you were in at school?" asked Leanne.

"Because most of the supporters of the last dark lord came from Slytherin house" I explained. "But don't worry, I'm pretty sure Greengrass isn't one of them."

"The… ambitious house members decided to overthrow the government?" asked Leanne "Why could that be a surprise to anyone?"

"They were working for one wizard." I explained "A wizard called Tom Marvolo Riddle, who changed his name to Lord Voldemort, then put a taboo curse on it some if you said his name, his troops would know where you were."

"Don't say his name" hissed Greengrass.

"Eh he's dead." I said, waving one hand. "Nearly dead when I was one, and I finished him off in first year."

"You are the greatest egotist ever born" said Daphne Greengrass, not buying that.

I nodded. "And I did it."

"How drunk is Potter?" asked Michael "Has anyone ever seen him smashed?"

"Ron says he doesn't drink" offered Ginny. Doesn't drink at Gryffindor parties, more like it.

"Who's Ron" asked Leanne.

"My brother who was in Harry's dorm room" said Ginny. "Potter is apparently buff under those gross nobby robes."

An owl flew down out of the night sky and dropped off a letter for Daphne Greengrass.

She read it and frowned "Potter went to the Yule ball party at the Ministry and danced with half the witches our age."

She incinerated the letter fairly er… she didn't look like she was joining my fan club. I hadn't actually insulted her. Only a little bit by implication years ago.

"He was there, wasn't he?" said Michael to Ginny. Ginny nodded.

"Michael, what's happening at eleven?" I asked Michael. A topic change might save me.

"Trivia contest" said Michael. "Great fun, and the clever bit's that we silencing charmed the entire back garden, and there's a charmed scoreboard, one score per couch."

"Trivia?" asked Leanne, and Michael explained enthusiastically about Pub trivia "Except we do magic questions instead of sports trivia." he noted.

"Corner, you like quidditch right?" I asked.

Michael replied "Of course I do?"

"Quidditch trivia would be awful" said Ginny "Ron would win."

"He's not here, so Ginny would win" I countered.

"They really are perfect for each other" I said to Tony.

Tony's eyes widened, and a grin started "Well she says that often enough when they forget silencing charms" he said, and Ginny, Michael and Leanne all went red. Greengrass looked… like she was holding a snort in.

Corner checked his watch "Time to move all the couches, so we can all see the scoreboard at the end of the garden." he said loudly, and he, Tony and a re-appearing Terry Boot got organising.

Terry got the prostitutes to stand up, and so did everyone else at Michael's urging and the couches were rearranged in rows, facing the back fence where a sign with five rows stood, lit by witch-lights.

I sat back down on the couch I'd been sitting on and Terry had pushed out the Ravenclaws from the dining room, and supplanted the prostitutes. A Ravenclaw I thought was Lisa Turpin was shoved onto the far end of the couch, and a grumbling Greengrass into the middle.

I subtly inhaled and … she smelt the same as last time I'd smelt her. My pants were far too tight.

"Potter" hissed Greengrass "Don't ruin this. We stand a good chance of winning."

Lisa looked worried by that but said "Hi Daphne" nervously.

Daphne turned and smiled at Lisa "Turpin. Pleased to have you on the couch." she said politely.

I occurred to me that I'd rather have Greengrass on the bed than the couch. I must be drunk. And I was remembering that quite great night in my previous life. Again.

The couch in front had Leanne, Tony and probably Mandy Brocklehurst. Michael had put his chair down by the sign and sat there with Ginny on his lap, looking snug and holding a clipboard.

A Magical trivia quiz happened with hard butterbeer and cider floated to every couch.

Michael conjured up row numbers we could see and the sign got them too.

Then… started asking questions, row by row, with a conjured huge glowing minute hourglass. And you had to take a drink every question.

I kept my mouth shut. Apart from the drinking.

After our row, Row two had answered two questions, Greengrass hissed at me "Help with the answers Potter."

"Potter-Black" I said.

The next question was about the arithmantic basis of animation charms and Lisa shrugged. Greengrass said "Um… isn't that the spliney thing."

"Hermite splines" I answered for the Row, and Michael looked at the clipboard "No, wrong answer." he called out "It's cubic splines"

So I cast an animated illusory hopping rabbit with a cubic spline as the basis function and it funkily hopped into the dirt. "That's a cubic" I said loudly "And this is a hermite" and admittedly it took a lot longer to cast, but the animated illusory Rabbit's feet touched the ground quite realistically.

There was polite applause from most of the Ravenclaws.

Michael looked embarrassed and changed the score.

Greengrass turned and asked me "Was that a fluke?"

"I knew the answer" I replied.

"Do you eat arithmancy for breakfast?" she asked.

"I did get an O plus in it" I admitted.

Greengrass shook her head. "You're an idiot savant, I swear."

The next question for the bench was "Is there a range limit for the protean charm?"

I shook my head "Trick question. The two object need to be touching when cast, afterwards there's no limit how far apart they can be." I said quietly.

Greengrass asked for clarification, and it was when casting the charm.

"They have to be touching" she said loudly.

Our couch came first. I felt pretty smug. And a bit hammered actually.

"Potter" said Greengrass, to get my attention.

I turned and looked at her. She looked a bit flushed "I'm going to regret this" she said, and leaned over to kiss me. I kissed her the way I remembered she liked it from so long ago, in another life.

She was blinking afterwards, and looked very kissable.

"Oy, don't I get one?" asked Lisa Turpin.

So I stood up and kissed Lisa Tupin, and it was okay, I suppose.

Then Greengrass shoved me to one side and went to kiss Lisa, and kissed her on both cheeks. French polite stuff.

Lisa exhaled "Sorry Daphne… just… that was polite. Thanks."

"Well I'm not" said Daphne quickly.

"But Potter kisses better." said Lisa cheekily.

Daphne Greengrass glared at me and shoved me down to the couch "Explain that" she said.

"Team celebration" I said, and winked. Greengrass looked annoyed, and sat down facing me "That was not a polite, we're on the same team, celebratory kiss. That was a snog."

"You're pretty, female, and I'm pissed enough not to care" I said honestly.

"And how the hell did you kiss me so well?" she asked. "You never kiss anyone."

"I disagree. I've kissed two girls at this party." I said, smugly.

"You've done something. A lust potion on your lips or something?" accused Greengrass levelly.

"We kissed, it was very good. Just accept that" I said.

"Very good my arse" said Greengrass.

"Later" I said, just unable not to take the feedline.

I felt a distinct lack of sense, or blood in my brain and leaned forward and whispered to Daphne Greengrass exactly what I'd like to do with her and how. Which, considering she kissed the exact same as Daphne Greengrass from my previous life was a pretty good guess for Daphne's preferred way to shag. She went very red in the face. "You do legelimancy. Creep."

That was exactly the point the night all started to go to pieces. Whoops.

Then Leanne Wanger spoke up "Oh wow, Harry kissed Daphne and then whispered to her and I think he just totally blew it." I looked up and Leanne was kneeling on the couch cushions, leaning over the couch-back as an elbow rest. She'd seen everything.

Daphne took a deep breath and complained "He propositioned me!" she said indignantly.

"After that kiss he'd have to be dead not to." said Leanne "You melted into it, like he's been kissing you for ages. Oh gawd, have you two been having a secret affair?"

I shook my head.

Daphne took a breath and visibly gathered an argument "I'm not going to bed with Potter" she said.

Leanne nodded and spoke up "Well if that was a first kiss, it's be a bit soon. In the US it's third date. Unless he's really cute. Potter's pretty cute, but you're all in such heavy robes. He could be really cute, and you'd never know by looking."

"She and Tracey must never meet" I said. "The world would end."

Daphne Greengrass snorted. Ah... that was the higher pitched snort. I'd heard it a lifetime ago in a different context.

"Harry, you need to ask Daphne out for a date." said Leanne. "Not tomorrow, but in a few days."

"Why are you encouraging him?" asked Daphne, sounding either annoyed or allergic.

"Because he's got no play. No… dating technique. But evidently his kisses are exactly right for you. And that is unusual, but we've got magic, that's unusual too" said Leanne.

"They were not exactly right." Daphne said to Leanne "He held it too long." Leanne rolled her eyes.

Tony scratched his head "Harry, are you drunk?" he asked.

"I might be" I replied.

"But not too drunk to make our quiz answers look amateurish?" Tony asked.

"Well… no." I agreed.

Tony spoke up "He's only squiffy. Not off his rocker. I'd say he fancies you, Daphne. And frankly you two are funny together. I missed the kiss. Did it look good?"

"Definitely a talk about later to girlfriends kiss" said Leanne "Can I tag along for that?"

"Girls… talk about kisses to their friends later?" asked Tony, catching up mentally.

"Of course" said Lisa Turpin "And frankly, I didn't get the works, I got a peck on the lips from a slightly butterbeer smelling man. Frankly comparatively disappointing, for a first kiss from a new boyfriend… a definite five out of ten."

Bloody Ravenclaws. They probably have scoreboards in bed.

The party wrapped up a bit later.

The three blokes that lived there, and Weasley were clearly waiting for us to all piss off.

I went home without kissing Greengrass again, without whispering in her ear, and without even a promising wave.

-==0==-

I got a letter the next day. From Leanne Wanger.

'Harry Potter,

Please do not reveal my secret to Anthony Goldstein.

LW.

P.S. 3-5 days then owl post asking for a date somewhere public but not so public that kissing can't happen.'

Hedwig went on boxing day, with a letter asking for a date "Somewhere we can meet and talk."

Apparently four days was long enough for Greengrass to get over her irritation,

because the letter that came back said

'Three Broomsticks

Eleven o'clock

Tomorrow.

Do not proposition me or I'll hex you and leave.

DG'

-==0==-

I stepped into The Three Broomsticks, and Greengrass was sitting at a table over by the windows.

I took off my gloves and undid my coat, and sat down.

"Hello" I tried.

Daphne Greengrass looked at me thoughtfully "You aren't a mind reader. Or you'd have done better at School, and the Auror office would definitely have hired you."

"It's a secret" I said "And I'd need a vow to tell you."

Greengrass crossed her arms and looked thoughtful.

"An unbreakable vow?" she asked looking annoyed, I nodded.

With a sigh, she stuck out her off-hand and I grasped it, she'd drawn her wand.

"Swear not to reveal the secret Harry Potter is about to impart to you" I asked.

She sighed and swore an unbreakable vow to that effect. And retracted her hand.

I cast muffliato and the room quietened down.

"That's an odd privacy spell" she said, sounding curious.

"One of Professor Snape's invention." I replied, took a deep breath and said "I… get reincarnated every time I die. Every time… it's September first, nineteen ninety-one, I wake up, and it's time to go to Hogwarts again for the first time. That's the secret."

Daphne Greengrass looked thoughtful "How many times." she asked.

"More than five." I admitted. "My first time at Hogwarts, I didn't last the whole year."

"So… your marks… you were just revising, over and over?" she asked.

"I got E's the first time" I said, and Harry had. Mostly.

"And… you kissed me like that because?" asked Greengrass.

"We'd kissed before. Last life, I made it to sixty. You came to my nineteenth birthday. We um… had a thing." I said. "It ended because of the Black family being unhygienic, and you never spoke to me again. And really, it was a fair decision."

"Unhygienic?" she asked, looking familiarly annoyed. The same look on a practically identical Daphne nearly fifty years ago.

"We um… caught a disease from the bed we used." I admitted.

"From a bed" said Daphne Greengrass stonily.

"You um… did a striptease on the bedpost. It had an STD on it. We both got it, went to St Mungos, potions cleared it up." I said, blushing.

Daphne Greengrass had her wand pointed straight at me "A striptease?" she asked, sounding about ready to hit me with something.

"You'd jumped out of the cake, and stripped in polyjuice as some muggle, then went to my bed and waited for me. I asked you to leave, and you just waited for the polyjuice to wear off. Then I um… asked you to get dressed and go home… and you um… dragged me into my room and did another striptease. And got into bed. I um… we um… well then St Mungos, yelling and never speaking to one another again." I said red-faced.

"And in one shag you learned how to kiss me?" asked Greengrass dismissively.

"You um.. stayed the night … and were very demanding. You swaggered home past Sirius and said "Owl me, course, then the rash started, and St Mungos… and I owled, you owled me … it all went to shit. But in one very long night I learnt how to kiss you, yes." I replied.

Daphne Greengrass looked at me "How do you prove this?"

"You're not a blonde, and you have a mole on your right breast next to the nipple." I said. Greengrass inhaled sharply "You've perved me anyway" she said.

"And you know someone in the stripper business, to get the gig at my nineteenth" I offered. "And you said your virginity was sadly not available. And that you're apparently worth a second, expensive date" I shrugged "It's fifty years ago for me."

"And who else in that life?" she asked.

"Nobody" I said, staring at the table. "Gave up."

"Does dying hurt?" she asked softly.

"Sometimes. I have nightmares about the worst times." I said, staring at the battered wooden table.

"How did you die last time?" she asked in a gentle tone "Sixty's pretty young."

"I got pneumonia. I was in prison." I admitted. And that's when I remembered what I'd forgotten, all this life. Theo Nott. The genius who would end the world.

"Shit" I exclaimed.

"Look at me" snapped Daphne Greengrass, and I looked up at her face. She was looking intently at me. "What the hell were you in prison for?"

"Using excessive force on a raid of a suspect. Which was fiendfyre, on the whole house and grounds. Because the crime was so dangerous, it could end the world. I had to cover it all up." I admitted.

"So you died in prison to hide a secret. You're stupidly noble." said Daphne Greengrass. "And while you have a good story, I don't particularly believe you."

"Well… the life before… we took an aging potion on a Hogsmeade trip, and you look very pretty at thirty-four, and went to Diagon Alley for shopping." said Harry.

"Aging Potion!" said Daphne Greengrass "And that was your idea?"

"Yours." I said "Sadly I got kidnapped and murdered. It was a nice date till then."

"How old was I supposedly?" asked Daphne Greengrass.

"Fourteen. Twenty years of aging potion." I said, smiling at the memory.

"There's no way I'd fit in my clothes" protested Daphne.

"You did undo several jacket buttons." I said, remembering. "Five I think."

"Pervert" said Daphne. "So we were dating in that life?"

"I was in the Tri-Wizard, as an underage fourth competitor. I didn't want to go to the ball, but had to dance. I um… was in Ravenclaw, and I was um… assigned a date. You'd volunteered." I said. "After the second task you said we were going on a date… and then the ageing potion… and then getting kidnapped and dying. It wasn't your fault."

"And why would I volunteer?" she asked, eyes narrowed.

"Because um… we danced at the last ball of summer, you led" I explained.

"And?"

"I was being quiet and you called me Mr Darcy and I might have called you Miss Bennett" I admitted. "And then I admitted Sirius had grounded me till I was thirty, and well… you dragged me off behind a tapestry and kissed me."

"I dragged You off, aged thirteen and kissed you?" asked Daphne Greengrass "Hardly likely." she said dismissively.

"Well… Hogwarts had been attacked by werewolves. Slytherin had survived unscathed, I was one of the few Ravneclaws left, and lots of survivors were turned to werewolves. The next year, lots of them killed themselves creatively. The whole school was on nightmare curing potions for ages." I explained.

Daphne Greengrass looked at me incredulously "And you lived all these lives, and now you're too paranoid to be an Auror."

"Bill Weasley thinks I have the right attitude to be a Gringotts Cursebreaker" I said "But I don't actually have to work. The Black's … oh shit" I remembered.

"What recollection sits behind that profanity?" asked Daphne Greengrass, leaning her chin on her hand, looking mildly interested.

"I um… had to fix up the Black family business last time. Mostly the income is from rental properties, with a few commercial businesses left and shares in… derelict companies." I admitted.

"When did you look at them last?" she asked precisely.

"Two thousand and nine" I said. Greengrass rolled her eyes "And in this life?"

"Sirius is um, supposed to be in charge." I admitted.

"And doesn't" said Daphne Greengrass, sitting up. "You will have to take over now, and perhaps you can save some things before they fail."

"Bugger" I said. I vaguely recollected the baroque mess that was the family accounts when I first saw them.

"Look, you're heir, it's your job" said Daphne. "I have to take over the family business, and I don't give a fig about import-export or warehousing."

Something occurred to me "You wear stripper underwear, because you're a bit raunchy" I said stupidly. "And that Daphne claimed to have modified all her robes to pull off"

"I do not" said Daphne Greengrass. "I admit, I do know Lily's Aunt Sophia who runs an up-market stripper service, but I have Never done that."

"Well that was a second date, if the flirting I did at the Yule ball counted. You called me an insufferable egotist for claiming to have defeated Voldemort, and then jumped out of the cake on my nineteenth."

"In your dreams" said Daphne Greengrass.

"Quite often, and very pleasant" I admitted. "But, I can think of a little trip we could take to recover an old family heirloom. It would impress."

"Boys say that, then it's tiny" said Greengrass.

"Come on, it's one apparation hop, a little curse-lifting and a summoning charm. It's a grotesque old ring, but you'll be impressed, or I'll pay for a shopping trip, Diagon alley, three hours." I offered.

Greengrass accompanied me outside and I offered my elbow "We'll need to side-along."

"Are you even any good at that?" she asked, and I apparated both of us to the Gaunt shack.

Daphne had gone green "A little warning" she said.

I drew my wand and cast a curse-detecting charm. The shack had plenty, but apart from being powerful curses, they weren't subtle. That was part of the trap after all.

I started dispelling curses. "Detect curses, if you want to see how I'm going?" I offered, and went back to dispelling curse after curse.

There was a snake-summoning curse tied in there. Having done Arithmancy was quite helpful really. I hit the summoning curse with an additional bird-summoning curse and the arithmancy, combined with my wand being nearly the same as the one that cast it, had the curse trigger trying to do two things, and dissipating. I'd seen a Pakistani Warlock do it years ago and never understood the technique.

"What the hell did you do?" asked Greengrass "Casting curses to dispell curses?"

"Arithmantic trick, works best if you use the same wand the caster used. Mines' very close." I said "I learned it in two thousand and thirty-one from a Pakistani warlock. Well, he showed me, and I hadn't done Arithmancy, so it was all over my head."

The last few curses crumbled under some careful dispelling, and I walked over to the shack "The Ring I'm after had as compulsion curse on it, and a fatal withering blight curse. Don't put it on."

Greengrass scoffed.

I blew the shack away with a banishing charm, and vanished the floorboards. It looked like a storm had done it. There, between the rotten joists was the metal box. I levitated it out, and dispelled the curses on the box.

"Whoever put that box here meant business. Endless curses" said Greengrass, wand wavering.

I opened the box and there was the gaunt family signet ring. I cast a detect curse spell: it was still cursed.

Four curses later, I had it free of magic.

"That is a really ugly ring, and that's not even onyx. Looks like a black pebble." said Greengrass dispassionately.

I put four small cutting curses through the ring's mounts, and the stone fell out.

The ring, I summoned and pocketed "Waste metal" I explained, and picked up the stone. I'd never held it before: that had been all Harry. I turned the stone three times, thinking of Harry's Parents.

Two shades, not silvery like ghosts, dark like shadows, with features that flickered like candlelight shadows appeared

"Harry" whispered the female one. Wow, Harry's mum had been a looker.

"Hi Mum. I just got the resurrection stone, and I'm showing off to Daphne Greengrass here" I said.

The shade of Harry's mother put her face in her hands and sobbed. The shade of Harry's Dad held mum and patted her back "There, there, Lily" it whispered.

"My son is a prat" whispered Lily Potter, looking up "Has he been a prat to you all of Hogwarts too, like his dad?"? Asked Lily Potter.

"He's been trying to be an Auror. They won't have him, he's too paranoid." said Daphne Greengrass "How did you protect Harry from a Killing curse?" she asked.

Lily shook her head "An old Norse rune sequence, my life, willingly sacrificed in love of Harry, and blood runes tying James and I to the pentacle under Harry's cot. Very risky, it could have just killed Harry."

"How much time has passed since your deaths?" I asked.

Lily shook her head.

"Well, love you both, but this is a date, so see you both later." I said and rolled the stone backwards three times.

"You went and got the Resurrection stone as a way to show off on our date?" asked Daphne Greengrass incredulously.

"Are you impressed?" I asked.

Greengrass did an eye-roll "The only thing worse than a massive egotist" she said "Is someone who can back it up. Prat. Can I borrow the stone?"

"I'll put it on a decent necklace and you can wear it" I said "But there'd be strings attached, like wearing a ring. I'm Harry Potter-Black, last scion of the Peverells, This is an uncle's Stone, we Potters have had the cloak since Iolanthe Peverell married Hardwin Potter. That's the first Potter."

"I do know that" said Greengrass dismissively. "You are famous, and not much is actually written down. You don't have the elder wand too, do you?"

"No" I replied. "Professor Dumbledore won that defeating Grindelwald. In the original timeline, I got it when I duelled Voldemort. But I worked out a better way to fight him in this life's first year, considering I had been an Auror for forty years."

"In the Original timeline, are we friends?" asked Greengrass.

I took a deep breath "We never spoke. I played quidditch at school, married Ginny Weasley after the last battle in seventh year, and divorced her, pissing off my three children, and married Granger, wrecking her marriage to Ron Weasley, and pissing off her two children. Then… well someone tried time travel, and my younger son went missing with your nephew, lost in time. Then…, Well Someone and I went back in time, caught the perpetrator, and got back to the normal timeline. The time-traveler got life in prison, and the creator of the time machine did too."

"And when did you start reliving life?" asked Greengrass.

"After that." I admitted, mostly honestly. "Now… Voldemort is dead, Greyback is dead, and there are only a couple of loose ends. The inventor. And then this life will be as safe as I can make it. It's easier when I'm an Auror, or head of DMLE."

"How many times?" asked Daphne Greengrass.

"Youngest chief Auror at thirty, and head of DMLE at forty. Dead in prison at sixty-seven." I sighed.

"If you want a second date, you need to promise to be faithful while we're dating." said Greengrass. "You seem to have a track record of being unfaithful."

"Okay I promise" I said. It hadn't been me anyway.

"A binding magical vow" said Greengrass sternly.

And I did that. "I swear to be faithful to Daphne Greengrass until either Daphne or I declare in the others presence we are no longer together." I hadn't sworn one before in this life, so that was a change.

I could feel the presence of the vow like a little curse, just behind my wrist. The wretched things use your own brain to check for compliance, so I've just lost as many neurons as that takes.

"Now" said Greengrass "I'd like a kiss. And I hope for your sake it's good."

I thought it was quite good. Daphne stared at me, her lips swollen, her pupils a bit dilated and her cheeks flushed. "Don't get handsy" she said stiffly.

"Those are faithful hands." I said.

"Not very clean hands" she observed.

"Um… on a lighter note, what do you think about Leanne Wanger?" I asked.

"Her German's odd and she was swearing in a funny dialect." said Daphne, looking at me assessingly "Your clothes are a bit naff. You probably don't even keep track of fashion."

I corrected the girl I'd just kissed "She's Sarah Silvermann from New York. Anthony's owl-order bride. Her accent is pure New Jersey sometimes, she sounds like TV characters from there. I had a muggle upbringing."

"And do you think she'll take on Goldstein?" asked Daphne.

"Oh come on, he's funny, a decent wizard, kept his hands to himself, and wanted to kiss her." I said.

"How do you know him?" asked Daphne.

"I was a Ravenclaw twice. He was a friend, and when the Werewolves came, he died. We missed him. His poor Jewish wizard shtick is fantastic. He can work it into nearly anything." I said.

Daphne shook her head. "Complaining is not comedy."

"You were amused." I said, looking her in the eyes.

"It was undignified" Daphne corrected.

"I am actually worried about her and Tracey" I said.

Daphne batted my tricep playfully "Grow up" she said.

"I'm old on the inside" I said.

"Who's the inventor?" asked Daphne seriously.

"I don't want to say" I said.

"Tell me" she said.

"Some other time." I said "I need a better plan. Killing them now, before there's any notes to destroy would work… but I swore this time I'd kill nobody."

"And yet, the famous Yule Ball massacre" said Daphne Greengrass.

"They were killing people" I said. "No killing people because they would do something bad later."

"You smug prat" she said levelly. "Not acting like a psychopath is not virtue."

"Look, I need to think of a way to distract him" I said.

"What about a demanding girlfriend?" asked Daphne.

"Are you?" I asked.

"I'm a very reasonable woman" said Daphne forcefully.

"Daphne dear, I've slept with you before, you're a demanding shag. A fantastic, demanding shag." I said.

Daphne went red in the face "Not me!" she said "Get whoever the inventor is a demanding witch, who'll boss him around."

I kissed Daphne firmly "You're brilliant!" I said and snogged her. She pushed me off "What's your idea?"

"Hermione Granger. Bookworm, Ambitious, may be minster of magic one day, and really, not the sort of witch that leaves her husband or boyfriend with the energy to invent a time machine." I said.

"You married her once. Is she really insatiable?" asked Daphne, in a tone that might be a bit dangerous.

I shook my head "Not at all. A bit more adventurous than she looks, but no. A bossy nag. Who means extremely well, and would keep an eye on him."

"If it's Malfoy, you don't have a chance." said Daphne. "You could hold a wand to his head and he wouldn't touch her." What a ghastly thought that was.

"Theodore Nott" I said "Actually a genius at enchantment. And one of life's – "

"Born hangers-on" said Daphne. "I was in Slytherin with him for seven years."

"Uh... I was in dorms with him for… two or three years." I explained "I started demanding anywhere but Slytherin."

"What, telling the hat what to do?" asked Daphne.

"Threats. And the memory of using fiendfyre." I said.

Daphne Greengrass put her hands on her hips "Honestly!" she said "you're such a rat."

"A snake in lions clothing" I admitted.

"We'll have to have a party and make sure they both come, and lay out some books and snacks in the library." said Daphne, seemingly happy with this plan.

"It will have to be yours not mine. The Black Library's got far too many cursed and fairly evil books" I said.

"Clean it out. If it's at my house, Draco would come to be with Tori." said Daphne crossly.

"Yes dear" I said, and she glared at me. "Don't start with that" she said.

"Well, fancy going home to my place? My room is quite clean" I said.

"I will visit, but I'm going home for dinner." said Daphne.

"Side along?" I asked.

Daphne swayed on the top step of Number Twelve Grimmauld place.

"I hate that" she said. "A bit shabby" she said inspecting the house.

"Oh it's worse inside" I agreed.

Maddie had apparently put her foot down and it was not worse inside.

My room being on the fourth floor, there were many opportunities to meet relatives.

Remus wasn't around, but Maddie came over the first floor landing and smiled her dimpled blonde face at me "Oh Harry, a girlfriend. About time."

"Maddie Otirsdottir, Daphne Greengrass. Daphne and I are on our second date." I said. "Daphne, this is Maddie Otirsdottir, My father, Sirius Blacks fiancee."

"Madam Otirsdittir" said Daphne and she curtsied.

"Well, try not to get pregnant please." said Maddie innocently. She looked harmless and had a line in deadpan Danish humour.

"I'm going home for dinner, after I survey his wardrobe. His clothes are all right, but he could do better" said Daphne politely "We're thinking of having a party here, to break the news that we're dating to our friends. They don't mix. The Library is still an issue."

"Sirius!" yelled Maddie. Daphne jumped. Maddie doesn't look like she could yell. Or that butter would melt in her mouth.

Sirius appeared from the drawing room "Harry, and… one of the Greengrasses." he said.

"Daphne Greengass. We're dating." I explained. "Thinking of having a party to break it to our friends but the Library's a bit of a deathtrap, and dark magic too."

"Well, I should heave the lot" said Sirius. "But the budget might not run to a full library re-buy. Harry, you're good with detect curse, pull them off the shelves, I'll get some crates, and take them away and incinerate them."

"Daphne suggested I might study the family business. She has to study theirs." I said "She's heiress Greengrass, I suppose."

"I am" said Daphne regally, nose lifted. "And I've been studying business for years. I can probably explain most things."

"You're hired" said Sirius "I hate it. Father tried to make me pay attention, but it just isn't my thing. Maybe I should make Harry do it. In fact… Harry, it's your job. Make us money."

"Um, sure, if we have a château, can I have it? Payment for the job and all that?" I asked.

"Sure" said Sirius "Grandmama had one I think"

When I got into my room and the door closed with Daphne on the inside of it I said "Oh, did I mention I have a château?"

Snogging happened. It was tremendously pleasant.

"You are cheating using a previous life's experiences" sighed Daphne.

"Only a little" I complained.

I do believe she got home in time for dinner. Sadly without removing any clothing.

Sirius asked me where she was.

"She went home for dinner" I explained.

"Is this serious?" asked Sirius.

"I like her, and friends think we're funny together." I said.

-==0==-

It was, I reflected as I made a plan to put cookies in the Library, probably a first in law-enforcement or even time-travel capers, to try to lure two bookworms into the library, in the hope they hit it off.

I really needed more people nobody hated to fill the party out.

And then, my idea grew. Like Athena springing full-grown from the forehead of Zeus, or whoever.

Invite the Ravenclaws AND Hufflepuffs, and definitely Sarah... I mean Leanne Wanger. If only to keep an eye on Tony. And I owed her for her efforts at Micheal's Party.

Which… meant inviting Michael and Ginny.

Inviting the entire 1991/1992 student body seemed like ... a great way to get a fairly harmless crowd. And Weasleys, of course. I needed to get onside with the Twins. They understood making a profit if nothing else, and I know they used hardy any money to get started. And obviously, not Draco or Astoria, if that could work.

Bugger. I should spot the twins a thousand, and get some sweet WWW dividends.

I wrote them a letter.

'

Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes,

The Managers,

Dear Sirs,

I admire your business acumen, and would like to invest the sum of

one thousand galleons in your fine business. See shrunken sack on owl.

(Do feed Hedwig bacon, she needs it to keep her sweet temper.)

I expect a small annual dividend would see me a happy silent partner.

As Sirius Black has just made me black Family business manager,

I also need good advice from real businessmen.

Sincerely

Harry Potter-Black.

P.S.

Having a party at Black townhouse in a while, you will be invited, along with a hundred other recent graduates. My adoptive father thinks Padfoot and Moony can handle it.

Celebrating having a girlfriend. Yule ball turned out well.

'

-==0==-

Dinner at the Greengrass's was a bit tense. Cyrus asked "What do you do?" I stared at the chinese silk above the wood panelling, and tried not to sound like I was giving an AAR.

"Business Manager for the Blacks, sir. New job I'm unsure of, hoping to help from Daphne" was my reply. Apparently a good answer.

"Harry, tell my mother about your predicament after dinner" said Daphne.

Justifiably nervously I did in a small salon, full of dainty furniture and painted pale blue, with privacy charms up.

Mrs Greengrass looked at me curiously "How unusual. Not my field at all, but I'll arrange with Parsifal, perhaps he can organise something for you."

Whatever that meant.

-==0==-

Three days later I got a letter on beige parchment in black ink inviting me to the Department of Mysteries at Ten PM, tomorrow for a consult about my 'curious curse.' Oh… her mother was an Unspeakable. Of course she was.

-==0==-

I walked into the Department a bit nervously. After all, this was not a good place in the original Harry Potter timeline, but Mrs Greengrass was waiting, in a grey cloak, with Daphne looking smug, and an old Wizard in a grey cloak with his hood up, face in shadow.

"I'm called Parsifal" said the old wizard, and he led me through a black door in a black tiled hallway to a very boring office full of bokshelves, where he did a number of diagnostic charms.

"How extraordinary." he said. "I don't suppose you can carry anything back with you?"

"Just my knowledge and experiences, mostly of dying. The purple potion for nightmares helps, except for the painful deaths by dark curses. I still remember them quite clearly." I explained.

"Well of courses you will, that's dark magic. Inherently difficult to remove the scars, physical and otherwise." said Parsifal. "Now, Come back at spring solstice, we'll nip out to a working stone circle and get you sorted out."

"Sorted out?" I asked.

Parsifal took out a pipe stuffed it with dried herbs and smoked it for a bit, blowing smoke rings, then spoke, waving his pipe about "Get rid of this very complicated curse you're suffering under. It's subtle, and terrible and was probably educational, but we hardly need Harry Potter popping backwards in time every time he dies of old age, do we. You probably should move on, next big adventure and all that." said Parsifal.

-==0==-

I sat on the centre stone of a stone circle in a white cotton shift and Parsifal stood in front of me holding his wand, wearing an equally light outfit.

"Best get this done with, the draft's playing hell with my circulation" said Parsifal, and started casting something. Odd, I'd never seen magic like it.

Mrs Greengrass shouted from the edge of the circle "A large scale curse transference spell. These circles were part of a fad for treatment of dark magic by transference, but the target needs to be human, so they ended up being illegal."

I must have looked surprised by that, and Parsifal kicked my foot "Don't move, boy" he said.

Mrs Greengrass certainly had strong lungs as she shouted out "Your curse isn't being transferred, we're binding it to the stones themselves. It'll be useful, probably, to treat terminal illnesses. Or it won't. You may experience some discomfort."

Parsifal pushed my shoulder and I lay down on the altar stone.

Then he tapped my forehead with his wand and I felt like I'd stubbed my toe. All over.

-==0==-

Harry opened his eyes. Blue sky. Outside somewhere then, lying on something hard.

An old man in a ridiculous cotton nightgown stared at him, holding a wand.

"Feeling all right, Mr Potter?" asked the old man.

Harry wiggled his toes and fingers "Feeling all right" he said cautiously.

"Right, well sit up, sooner we get out of here, the better" said the old man.

Harry sat up and a middle-aged woman in a strange grey coat with a hood strode over, accompanied by a young blonde woman in an odd green dress.

"Harry" asked the younger one "Are you feeling all right? Did the treatment work?"

Harry blinked "Where am I?" he asked "Who are you?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" asked the old man carefully.

"Going to sleep" said Harry "I was going to go to school tomorrow at Hogwarts."

"What!" yelled the younger blonde "You've wiped his memory, get him back!"

Harry sat up and looked at his… grown-up sized hands, his long legs, his adult-sized bare feet.

"I'm eleven" said Harry "Why am I an adult? Is this part of going to magic school?"

The young woman walked over to the old man in the funny cotton dress, and said "Undo it. Right now. He's lost all his… himself. We can't have Harry Potter walking around thinking he's eleven, knowing no magic."

The older woman walked into the circle, waved her wand, conjuring up a coat for the old man, who put it on "Much obliged" he said "Potter… doesn't remember…"

"Harry" the old man asked Harry "Do you remember being reborn, waking up after dying?"

"Did I die?" asked Harry nervously.

"Cripes" sad the old man "That's… you're Harry Potter, right, you grew up, you remember being a … an eight-year-old?"

"Oh course I do said Harry, looking at the expressionless face of the older woman.

"Daphne, get out of the circle" said the older woman "Parsifal and I will reverse the curse binding."

"What's a curse binding?" asked Harry "Is it dangerous?"

The older woman poked her wand at Harry, and blob of yellow light knocked him out.

-==0==-

I woke up lying on an unfamiliar, very hard bed. I opened my eyes and the … oh I was outside, with only a cotton shirt on. I vaguely remembered something about curses and stone circles.

I sat up, my head aching. A vaguely familiar old wizard was looking at me expectantly.

"We've met, right?" I asked. Daphne Greengrass and her mother stood at the edge of the stone circle. A fuzzy memory of pain returned.

"Did it work?" I asked "Am I cured?"

"Depends" asked the old wizard "On who you think you are?"

"Harry Potter" I replied. "Why do I feel like I've taken a stunner to the head?"

The Greengrasses headed closer.

I rubbed my forehead "Was the stunner really necessary?" I asked.

"What's my name?" asked Daphne Greengrass.

"Daphne, I don't have amnesia" I said impatiently "Am I cured?"

"I don't think so" said Parsifal "Have you always been Harry Potter?" he asked.

"For over a hundred years." I said. Not lying.

"Were you Born Harry Potter?" asked Parsifal.

"Not… exactly" I admitted. "But I've been Harry for ten times longer than original Harry, so adverse possession and all that."

Someone fired a spell at me and I fell over backwards onto the largest stone of the stone circle, landing with a sickening crack, a feeling of coldness.

-==0==-

I woke up lying on an unfamiliar, very hard bed. I opened my eyes and the … oh I was outside, with only a cotton shirt on, I sat up, my head aching. Daphne Greengrass and her mother were somehow back over at the edge of the stone circle.

I sat up, my head aching. A vaguely familiar old wizard was looking at me expectantly.

"What just happened?" I asked.

"We had to reverse the ritual" said the old wizard. "Harry Potter, aged eleven could not remember going to Hogwarts."

"Well" I said "I've been eleven enough times, it's pretty memorable."

"You're you?" asked Daphne Greengrass, walking over.

"And my head hurts." I said. A vague memory of accidentally dying on this altar stone surfaced.

I was helped out of the circle, and back into a warm robe, and I got my wand back, and put on a modest half-dozen amulets, and some outdoor slippers.

"I think" I said "I'm ready to go home."

"Did you experience anything between the ritual starting, and sitting up?" asked the old wizard wrapped in a warm coat, in carpet slippers.

"Yes" I admitted. "I died. Now it seems, I restart here, on this stone circle. A decent result really, as this was the quickest I've ever defeated Voldemort."

The old wizard clutched at his chest, and Mrs Greengrass steadied him.

"Really, fascinating" he said in a croak.

"This will be worth doing again later" I said "Depending on how things go." Time to get out of here while I was still alive and free.

Mrs Greengrass looked far too thoughtful at that.

"Well, it's been weird and mysterious, but I think I'll go home and have a hot bath" I said.

"Harry!" said Daphne Greengrass stiffly "How did you die?"

"A stupid accident." I replied "Gotta go" and I apparated home to Grimmauld Palce, got inside and pushed the door shut behind me before I died again. Taking a deep breath, I apparated up to my bathroom and set the bath filling, changing into a towel and dropping the robe and slippers in my room.

Then I went and sat on the window-seat in the bathroom and watched it fill though billows of water vapour.

Kreacher appeared with a pop, the clouds roiling away from his displaced air.

"Halfbood has a visitor" croaked the old elf "A witch."

"Blonde, upset?" I asked.

"Wicked master" croaked Kreacher.

"Show her to the drawing room if it's vacant" I asked.

"Bad master is there with his witch." said Kreacher. What to do?

"Tea in the dining room I suppose?" I asked.

"The office has easy chairs" suggested Kreacher. Oddly helpfully.

"Okay, show her there, I'll get dressed" I replied.

I turned off the taps, apparated to my room, pulled on pyjamas and a dressing gown, and those slippers, and walked quietly to the first floor, casting a silencing spell and directional illusion on the hallway. I'd used it often enough sneaking in places as an Auror. I couldn't hear Sirius and Maddie, and hopefully they wouldn't hear me. Or Daphne.

I went into the office, which was a bit messy, tidied a bit with some packing charms, and sat on the farthest easy chair next to the floor-standing globe that was a drinks cabinet. The desk looked worked on, but the bookcases behind it on either side were just jammed with scrolls and books higgledy piggledy. I flicked my wand and lit the fireplace. It made the room look a bit more cheerful. The dark panelling is well, dark.

Daphne Greengrass came in, and I stood up "Welcome. My father's in the drawing room with Maddie, this is the best we've got."

"Don't you have a whole floor?" asked Daphne.

"And the spare room is Sirius's deceased brother Regulus's. Both rooms were kept as shrines, it's just Sirius let me have his when he took over the master bedroom." I explained. "It feels awkward to change the room."

Daphne sat down "You bolted" she said looking annoyed. She generally looks like she might be looking down her nose at people, but today she looked quite annoyed.

"Look, sorry, but I'd just died. I got up and got out of there before any more stupid accidents happened." I said, and looked her in the eyes.

She seemed quite atypically red-eyed.

"Are you upset?" I asked.

"Just a little" she said tightly. So furious, I guess.

"Could I make it up to you?" I asked.

"Not bolting from my company would help, yes." she said. "Weren't you about to take a bath?"

"I was running it when you knocked" I said. "Things have changed, and things have never changed. Its… taking a bit of thinking about.

Then I thought about the possibilities of restarting life from a few minutes ago.

"You should put some furniture on the fourth floor landing, it would make an acceptable small parlour." said Daphne.

"It's a bit cold without a fireplace." I said "Really, the sensible thing is to pack Uncle Regulus's room up and use that as a parlour. It has a fireplace and plenty of windows. And a door."

"Are you a wizard? You should be able to do that as soon as say it" said Daphne Greengrass, judgemental witch.

"Fine, but we have to walk up. Apparition is too noisy." I said.

"This place" said Daphne as we climbed the stairs "Is a bit dismal"

"Miles better than it was" I replied, passing some clean marks on the wallpaper where portraits of Blacks had hung.

Soon I stood in Regulus's room, looking at his bed, desk, chair and wardrobe. Wallpaper and bed-hangings all in Slytherin colours.

"Good colour scheme" said Daphne.

I shrank all the furniture to doll-sized and put it in the not very crowded hidden cupboard by the door. Daphne looked surprised to see it. "Quite french" she mused.

"This is a mansard roof, so the original owner must have liked second empire" I said, "Any ideas about furniture?"

"Some couches, a chair, a tea-table, a sideboard cum-drinks cabinet." said Daphne easily "Were you … well you were raised by muggles I suppose?"

"Well, I don't think we have spare furniture. Kreacher!" I called out.

Kreacher appeared a bit later with a pop.

"Where are master Regulus' things?" he screamed.

"Shrunken in the side cupboard." I said. "I'm making a parlour"

Kreacher looked in the cupboard, not trusting me, and came back over, to stand, hands on hips, "What?" he croaked.

"Have we got couches, a chair or two, a sideboard, a tea-table?" I asked.

Kreacher shook his head.

I sighed "Thanks Kreacher. While I'm out, check the other wall cupboards for things. Put them in safe places."

"Halfblood Master is going out?" asked Kreacher.

"Furniture shopping. This is going to be a parlour. My parlour, I suppose." I said.

Kreacher nodded and vanished silently.

I nodded to Greengrass "Give me two ticks to get dressed?" I asked.

"You need a carpet." she said. "And a chandelier, and a mirror over the fire."

"All good ideas" I said, and left to dress. I returned later, to find Daphne with a list in hand, opening concealed cupboards.

"Can you not look in there" I asked, tensing up. Uncle Reggie's funsie-onesie was probably in there somewhere, and I didn't need Daphne finding Death-Eater regalia.

"Are you keeping secrets from me?" she asked, flicking some lint off my coat.

"Uncle Regulus's secrets aren't yours" I said "And he might have left traps. If I'd been Sirius's brother I'd have left traps."

Daphne took my outstretched elbow in her arm "With a due sense of dread, we can go" she said.

So, we apparated down to the front hall, right by the door and bundled out.

Then off to Diagon Alley. Not by side-along, it's worse than apparating yourself.

"Where do we get furniture?" I asked.

"Get some money first. You'll need lots. Hundreds" said Daphne.

So a side-trip to Gringotts, witch on my arm. It felt nice really. The Potter vault had a large sack of galleons less, and Daphne was waiting, looking a bit annoyed.

"You could have come along for the ride" I offered.

"Really, and have people think we're engaged. Not today Potter." said Daphne.

So we went furniture shopping instead. Daphne pointed out things that looked like her family's house. I pointed at more Victorian stuff in horsehair brocade.

I'd picked out an oxblood wingback chair, two couches in brocade that didn't match, and a very plain coffee table in walnut.

Daphne pointed out a mirror. The shopkeeper, an old man in glasses took lists while smirking.

"Got any drinks cabinets"? I asked.

He showed us some, and they were boring. I saw a medieval cupboard and pointed at it "That will do for that."

"And a rug." said Daphne. "Something that will tie all of this to green wallpaper."

The proprietor had no rugs, except a dark red one covered in worked shields.

"It would have to be red" muttered Daphne.

"All that, how much?" I asked. Daphne winced.

"Um… two hundred and eighty galleons?" asked the proprietor.

"A clock for the mantel, a couple of second empire statuettes, and you've got a deal" said Daphne.

The proprietor shrank the purchases and packed them in a small wooden box with straw.

Once I'd dragged Daphne out, carrying the box, I braced for the criticism.

It didn't come.

"Care to side-along home?" I asked her.

She took my arm silently, looking aloof, and we cracked off home.

Unpacking the room using an unpacking charm evidently surprised her.

Then I undid the shrinking charms, rug first, and used the wide-area cleaning and setting-to-rights spell to get rid of the straw.

Then I cast a detect disease spell on the room. Faint glows, and I frowned.

"Is it okay to just scourgify everything?" I asked.

"Suit yourself" said Daphne stiffly.

So I scourgifyed the couches, then the rug, then the table, clock, all the things.

"Quite done?" she asked.

I waved a hand at a couch "Please, sit down and talk to me?"

She sat, and I sat next to her, and slowly put an arm over both her shoulders.

"You're very presumptuous." she said.

I waved my wand at the door, and it closed, and jabbed the fire into life.

"You didn't get a chandelier" she said.

"This stuff is pretty awful. We could get much better at a brocante in France. And a good chandelier, and another as an engagement gift for Sirius." I said.

Daphne turned her head and stared at me "Shopping for furniture in France?"

"Well, this is my London rooms, but Sirius did promise I could have grandmother Melania's château. So, shopping in France. The weather's okay there, I think.

"I can't just go to France. I have work to do" said Daphne.

"A weekend shopping trip." I said. "And next week, I'll get into the family accounts."

"I'm not sure I want to go on a weekend shopping trip with you. Mother and Father might object." said Daphne, twisting on the couch and putting her feet up. And using me as a cushion to lean against.

"Well, there's always taking your friends. Tracey, et cetera as Chaperones." I offered. "I'll pay the portkey fees."

"You really want to go?" asked Daphne looking me in the face "Why?"

"To see the château, get an idea of what shape it's in, pick up a present that I didn't just buy on Diagon Alley" I replied.

"Not just to get me alone away from my family?" she asked.

"My bedroom is two doors that way" I pointed. "But… lean over, and I'll give you kiss?"

I got a fairly perfunctory kiss. I tried kissing in return, properly.

Fifteen minutes of good snogging later I was figuring Daphne Greengrass must say something soon.

"Stop!" she protested, panting, her chest heaving in an attention getting way. "I'm not doing this on your couch!"

I nodded "I agree. Let's go to bed?" I suggested.

Daphne drew herself up "I'm not the hussy some other versions of me may have been" she said.

"I've sworn an oath to you, in some cultures that already makes us married." I pointed out.

Daphne looked thoughtful "You have a good point" she said, nodding.

I picked her up to perfunctory squeaks and carried her over to bed.

"You are a showoff" she said, slipping out of her robes and into the bed with a flash of green underwear. I closed the door, got undressed again and went to bed.

There was a witch in my bed, and after a period of snogging, I got some very pleasant handfuls, and well… someone had a good time.

I lay with a sweaty blonde lying on me, and looked up at her flushed and smug looking face.

"I'm going home today" she explained.

"Yup" I agreed "I suppose we'll have to do dinner at your house again soonish?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself." she said "I'm shagging you not marrying you."

"Shame" I said "You're rich and don't date, I'm rich and don't date, you're pretty, I'm as cute as you are pretty, and we're funny together?"

"Quoting someone who's practically a stranger is not clever" she said. I grabbed her bum with both hands. Her face twitched "What are you doing?"

"Keeping hold of you" I said "I'm sure I can manage that again, for you."

Let's just say, I got a lot tireder, and Daphne got a lot snugglier.

Then I made a real effort and Daphne made a noise I wanted to hear again. Not one I'll describe.

"You're spoiling me" she said later, in the bath.

"I'm just trying to scrub your back" I replied. Which was true-ish.

"I'm going home today" she said.

"I agree, and I hope you can help me with fixing up the Black family businesses." I said, kissing the back of her neck.

It was a very splashy bath-time.

Daphne swaggered to the floo, waved and left.

Now, if I can avoid magical STD's, and manage a second day in bed with her, that's a personal best right there.

At dinner I broached actually taking over the business stuff, and Sirius waved dismissively at me "Get on with it."

Friday morning, I got a letter from Greengrass. I remembered that fateful letter about STD's.

I opened it, heart pounding.

It wasn't about STD's.

'Harry, Portkey to France Friday night? Party of four. DG'

I sped though breakfast and off to the Ministry to the Portkey office.

They wanted names. Erk. Off to Greengrass.

Lily Moon, Tracey Davis and Daphne Greengrass. And Harry Potter, obviously.

And Sirius and Maddie, because I couldn't open the doors apparently. And… adult supervision.

The portkey was awful, and we all landed in a gravelled courtyard.

The château had a couple of towers with pointy tops.

Sirius walked to the front door, took a bundle of keys out of his jacket pocket and fumbled through finding the right key for a while. Eventually he unlocked the door, and pushed it open, with a groan, as the door rubbed on the floor.

The room inside, Sirius stepped into and came out quickly.

"Wrong house" he said. "Far too nice for Harry."

Everyone went in after Sirius, and found a front hall, all the furniture draped in dustsheets, curving stairs up to the first floor.

"How could we possibly stay in a house that's not ready to being inhabited" said Maddie firmly.

"Owl the nearest grocers, have them portkey or carry in some groceries" said Sirius. "We're only here till Sunday"

"A hotel." said Maddie "The beds will be awful"

I set off up the stairs and found a bedroom down a long hallway. The bed was unmade, the mattress … I poked it, decent. There was a strong smell of Lavender.

I turned back and headed down the stairs.

"Well, what did you find ?" asked Sirius.

"The first bedroom had an unmade bed, in good condition. Smelled of Lavender."

"Oh" said Sirius, looking thoughtful "Grandmama did like Lavender. A lot."

Ten minutes of exploration showed the chateau was set up for being empty long-term, and apart from not knowing where all the bedding was, it looked like Grandmama might have left yesterday. She'd died in the seventies. Like a lot of people had.

I cast a person-detection spell and there were only the people I was with in range of it.

"Dinner at the nearest restaurant" said Sirius.

"And rooms in a hotel" said Maddie. "This is château is not ready for living in."

Maddie had thought to bring an atlas, and we apparated to the nearby town, found a restaurant and had dinner.

Sirius even arranged rooms. Well, he asked the waiter, and they worked it out.

I went to bed in a decent B&B in rural France.

Maddie took us all to the nearest boulangerie to fortify ourselves with pain-Au-chocolat, and then, a nearby brocante. That's snacks from the bakery and the second-hand store, but it sounds better in French.

Which had, as I expected much nicer furniture than Diagon Alley. Daphne Greengrass looked slightly peeved. Or maybe she just always looked like that.

I picked out some a couch, and a chaise-lounge, and a really ordinary second empire chair.

The had rugs, and one tickled my fancy.

"What about a chandelier?" asked Greengrass, who'd evidently memorized the list.

Lily decided she needed a chaise lounge of her own, and Tracey was fingering a secretary desk "Oh it's nice" she said.

"It's only a thousand francs. Thats…. about " I thought for a bit "Thirty galleons."

"Bother" said Tracey.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I'm never going to kick my brocante habit now" said Tracey.

With a little trickery, an illusory truck, and Sirius and I paying for everything, we bought… a lot.

Really, it was verging on ridiculous. I drew the line at what I needed, and a couple of pretty chandeliers for Sirius. Who bought a grandfather clock, apparently, so he could destroy the cursed one that shoots crossbow bolts at people. Tracey accidentally got a chair to go with the desk, Lily bought a dinner service "For my cousin, she's getting married soon" and several stuffed animal heads.

"I'm tired of having posters on my walls" she explained.

Daphne brought an (overpriced in my opinion) necklace, and obviously I brought the couch, chaise and chair, and the rug I liked, and four chandeliers. Like I said, it was getting ridiculous.

Sirius shrank everything, pocketed it and apparated to the château.

I left one chandelier at the château.

Greengrass looked at me somewhat expectantly when Sirius and Maddie were off exploring the château.

A few wide-area cleaning charms, a packing charm on the sheets and what was some sort of salon was quite habitable. But smelled of Lavender.

I sat on a couch and waited. Greengrass sat down on the couch opposite and reclined "This is all right" she said "The whole place smells of old lady."

"A few days work. It's not bad is it?"

"And in return you take over the family business" said Daphne.

"Already started" I admitted "The hard part is priorities."

"Cashflow matters." said Daphne simply.

"Profits matter" I replied. "Cashflow helps idiots feel better."

Daphne narrowed her eyes. They have a sexy tilt to them. "Are you calling me an idiot?"

"If I have a lot going in and a lot going out, I have cashflow, but I'd be better off with less coming in and nearly nothing going out."

I pulled out my notes from a quick survey of the business and expanded them into a desk-sized piece of paper. A summoned side table slid over and I put the paper down.

"Well, you can read it upside down or sit over here" I suggested.

Greengrass looked over the huge part-diagram part list.

"Get your tenants paying rent." she said.

"Lots of problems with the buildings." I countered.

"Get your business tenants paying rent." she said. "It's bigger numbers."

"The family shares in various businesses are unhealthy." I said "Don't I need to do that first?"

"Get money from the businesses. Have you done a SWOT on the business your family own parts of?"

"SWOT?"

"Strengths, Weaknesses , Opportunities and Threats" she explained.

"Er no"

"Once you've visited the business tenants." explained the expert.

"How much rent is right?" I asked.

A long discussion of each property ensued.

Tracey and Lily came in and Tracey groaned "They're being boring"

I looked up "You expected snogging?"

"It's a prurient interest, but it's amusing" said Lily.

-==0==-

My parlour, re-done was much nicer. I sold the furniture from Diagon Alley back to a different shop. A muggle one and made a smaller loss.

The evening of the party came and the party was kicking off. Leanne Wanger was coming. Tony was still in the dark, as far as I knew.

Sirius melodramatically locked his bedroom door, and Maddie and he portkeyed off to France for a few days.

Hermione turned up early, to try to help.

I had Kreacher instructed to put bait, I mean cookies in the Library when Miss Granger and Mr Nott were both in the house. Kreacher stared at me contemptuously. He's two foot seven, and he was looking down on me.

The caterers had filled the kitchen and dining room, and the drawing room phonograph was playing.

Hermione took time out to give me sage advice.

"Harry, couldn't you have chosen someone … nicer?" she asked.

"Hermione, am I Nice?" I asked.

"You're a good friend, brave and… cautious." she said, running out of nice adjectives.

"Hopefully she arrives soonish. Now, I've finished cleaning out the Library of really cursed books, and really dark ones. Now… there are some holes in the collection, and I'd appreciate if you went and had a look later, once the party gets a bit loud maybe, and you and any other bookworms can retire to the library. There are cookies there.

"Cookies?" asked Hermione. "Sugarless?"

"Not sugarless. You're a grown witch." I replied.

"Mum and dad wanted to see a wizarding party" said Hermione in explanation.

"Not this one. Honestly, some of her dorm mates are… well you know." I replied.

"Is Parkinson coming?" asked Hermione.

"Hopefully not" I replied.

"Is the library actually safe?" asked Hermione.

"And the grandfather clock that shoots crossbow bolts had been replaced." I added "Oh, and uncle Regulus's old room is my parlour, and is furnished – "

Hermione had apparated off inside the house. Some people.

Seamus and Dean arrived looking nervous.

"Come in, come in!" I said, and said "There's drinks in the room on the left."

Seamus bolted, looking nervy, and Dean smiled awkwardly. "So this is your… adopted fathers house?"

Dean looked familiar. Again. "Dean?" I asked "Who are your parents?"

"Oh" asked Dean looking annoyed "Are you going to get like that?"

I blinked "Um no, but… it's just you remind me of someone I met recently and I can't think who."

"Well, my mums a muggle from essex… and my dad was a wizard but he disappeared a year after I was born. Told mum he had to go for our safety, and never came back." said Dean.

"Um… that would have been the first war with Voldemort" I said. "What do you know about him?"

"Well.. he was um… dark like me, and mum always remarked that he had a French accent, so I figure he came from one of the French colonies in Africa." said Dean. At that instant, I suddenly recognised the family resemblance.

"Shafiq" I said "I met Emmelaise Shafiq, she's the heiress of the family at the yule ball. You… you look like her cousin. She has a French accent that could cut wood, but her family are English as can be, And Sacred-Twenty-Eight, so pure-blood as heck. I'll bet you're a Shafiq. Gimme a second!"

I summoned Natures Nobility and it shot down the stairwell into my hand.

"I suppose" said Dean politely "That saves walking."

The Shafiq's obviously had masses of pages, and the then-current head of family had a photograph. Arison Shafiq looked… aristocratic, broad shouldered, and had a chocolate complexion with the same big eyes and a-grade sneering nose Dean had just finished growing into.

One of the unmarried sons had died in nineteen eighty-one. Fidel. Fidel Shafiq.

"Um… I turned the book to Den "I think… this your grandfather."

Dean went pale-ish. He looks awful, grey and sickly when he does that. "That's… scarily like me Harry, is this a trick? My middle name's Fidel."

"No." I replied, and banished the book back to the library.

"So... I should write them a letter?" asked Dean, looking a little shocky.

"Yeah, and your mum might be a squib. Otherwise you might have been born a squib. And you're not." I said.

"I think I need a drink" said Dean, and headed to the dining room.

"Harry!" yelled an irate sounding Hermione from the stairwell "Stop playing silly buggers with books. It nearly hit me!"

I walked over and looked up. She was leaning over, hair a mess.

"Sure" I said. "It's just Dean looks like Emmelise Shafiq and Fidel Shafiq died at the end of the first war, and Dean's dad had a French accent and his middle name is Fidel… "

"Oh!" said Hermione "I'll go look up ways to check that." and she darted out of sight, certainly back to the library.

Sometimes I get lucky, I guess.

People started arriving, about the point where Seamus started singing.

Not singing drunkenly. Just singing Irish folk songs I guess. Bastard sounded good too.

Daphne Greengrass arrived in a fancy dress robe and stood by me at the door. Tracey and Lily came in and looked around.

"Is it a disaster yet?" Daphne asked.

"It's going all right" I said.

"Where is everything?" asked Tracey. I was explaining when the three Ravenclaw blokes arrived. Tony looked nervous.

"Everything alright, Tony?" I asked.

"It's Sarah Silvermann" said Tony. "Leanne says she's coming today. I'm going to be sick."

Daphne looked surprised by this.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because… it's all going wrong. I um… I like Leanne." said Tony, looking around. "Is she here yet?"

"Oh she'll be along with Sarah" I said "And Tony, don't worry."

Tony went to get drunk.

Terry looked at me oddly "You're dating Greengrass and giving Tony life advice?" he asked.

"I like her, we're funny together" I said, unable to not smirk.

"When she gets here, I want to watch" said Daphne.

"Oh... are you betting on the Tony dating disaster?" asked Terry. "I'm betting Sarah finds out Tony's got eyes for her best mate and slaps him."

"I'm betting Sarah finds out Tony's got eyes for Leanne and snogs his brains out" said Daphne, not cracking up. That emotionless face thing she does is pretty good, but years of questioning suspects taught me to see the tiny movement of her pretty blue eyes. She was nearly laughing, on the inside.

I explained carefully where everything was and Tracey and Lily looked… interested.

"Go check out the drawing room, first floor, left, the library's on the right, and Hermione's in there looking up spells." I said.

Tracey smiled slightly "Of course she is" she said.

"Tracey dear?" asked Daphne "Do tell everyone that asks where the loos are."

Michael Corner looked down on me "Odd house" he said.

"Well… there's more food in the kitchen, down the back stairs" I mentioned "Don't try to unlock any doors, but apart from that, well, do whatever, just clean up after yourself."

Everyone stopped and stared at me.

"Harry" said Daphne "Are you implying people can… use the bedrooms?"

"Well… Sirius isn't back for two days." I said. Carefully not mentioning 'uncle' Remus. I'd tricked him into one too many trips to dark magic and law enforcement conferences, and I think cousin Tonks had finally snogged his brains out. On a ministry funded trip.

He was out, and I didn't expect him back.

A blur of people came in to the party, and a load of Weasleys arrived, the twins in less awful clothes, and they gave me mock bows "Boss" they said.

Daphne looked interested.

"Harry invested in our owl-order jokeshop, we're expanding into Diagon Alley once we get a lease. Lots of potential" said one.

"You just invested in a joke shop business?" asked Daphne, raising one eyebrow.

"I have a good feeling about it" I mugged, and her eyebrows lowered.

"Gentlemen" I said to the slightly disoriented twins "I think the family has a vacant shop in the Alley. We could do a deal on rent."

"Harry, no" said Daphne "you must charge market rent, or the tax liability is disgusting."

One of the twins did a double-take. "You… running the Black business?"

"Sirius gave him the job and a little house in the country" said Daphne. "I'm helping him avoid ugly things."

Ron had gone to eat, and Ginny had, by the squeak of joy, found Micheal.

"Are you two going to stand here all night?" asked a twin.

"Once the place is full we can mingle" said Daphne.

"So,... This isn't an engagement party?" asked a twin.

"Certainly not" said Daphne "It's just… there could be difficulties."

The twins drifted off to explore, and a bit later one of the difficulties arrived.

Pansy, looking sneery, but actually cute in a dress that suited her. She's not very tall, for all her attitude.

"Daphne Dahling" said Pansy. "And Potter," she added derisively.

"Potter-Black, and welcome to Grimmauld place, Pansy." I said. "Please don't call anyone an m-word and tonight will go swimmingly."

Pansy turned to Daphne, ignoring me "Are there any decent wizards here?"

"Some, just accept they're not Slytherins." said Daphne.

"Hey Pansy?" I asked. You know the Shafiq's right?"

"Of course" said Pansy.

"And Fidel Shafiq died in the early eighties" I added. Pansy nodded.

"Dean Thomas's middle name is Fidel and his dad had a French accent." I said "Go look at him, see his eyes and nose. Bet you a galleon he's a Shafiq."

Pansy huffed off.

"Pansy and your friend Dean?" asked Daphne "Do you hate him?" she asked curiously.

"He's decent, and in a different universe dated Ginny Weasley. Pansy's not much worse, just a blood bigot." I said.

Daphne rolled her eyes "Are you Always matchmaking?" she asked ironically.

A few Slytherins the year behind us arrived, including some mousy twins.

"Flora and Hestia Carrow" said Daphne.

"Oh, great Aunt was so glad we got invited to a party at Grimmauld place" said one "She remembers when it was a party destination."

"And is senile" said the other one, deadpan.

"Which witch is witch?" I asked.

"Does it really matter?" asked a Carrow blandly. "We're friends of Daphne and Tori's. Is she coming?"

"I hope not" admitted Daphne "She'll bring Malfoy."

"At least she likes him" said a Carrow "In a revolting sickening way, but love is love. Supposedly."

"Go try the wine, there's good stuff… probably" I suggested.

They clopped off in heels.

"Are they nice?" I asked sotto voce.

"A little bitter, and happy that mummy and daddy and aunty and uncle are in Azkaban." said Daphne. "Their great aunt's a big gaga, and thinks the Blacks are moving to be too goody-goody."

"Well that's true" I said.

Someone knocked and I opened the door. Sarah Silvermann stood there in what had to be a very traditional Jewish costume, with a complicated scarf thing. She winked, the spoke up in her New York accent "Hello, I'm Sarah Silvermann, is this the party?"

"Get inside" I said, and Sarah stepped in "My friend Leanne is feeling sick" she said, almost sincerely.

"Your friend Tony is feeling sick" I replied "He's got a crush on Leanne and is scared of meeting Sarah."

Sarah smiled "Really? Little ol' me?"

"Where is Leanne anyway?" asked Daphne.

"Uh... Boston I think." said Sarah "IF we get engaged she can portkey over."

"What does Leanne look like?" asked Daphne.

"Um.. blonde, blue eyes.. shorter than you, um… not so exotic looking, a regular blonde American girl". I looked over and Daphne was blushing.

"Oh you've embarrassed her" I said "Go put Tony out of his misery before he drowns himself in drink."

"Is he an alcoholic?" asked Sarah. I shook my head "Just worried." I explained.

Sarah walked off to the dining room and loudly asked "Where's Anthony Goldstein?" It was getting a bit raucous.

"Upstairs" someone yelled.

"Is that going to work?" asked Daphne.

"I've no idea." I replied.

Unfortunately Daphne's sister arrived a little later with Draco Malfoy. Who looked nervous.

"Simple house rules" I said "No fighting, no using the m-word. Food in the dining room on the left, more downstairs in the kitchen, music in the drawing room upstairs, don't unlock doors, and you can use rooms for whatever. Oh and the fourth floor's mine so stay out of it."

Daphne elbowed me "My sister!" she hissed.

"Hello Astoria" I said, misunderstanding deliberately, "Please, make yourself at home, again, house rules, bathrooms are straight off the stairs on every floor. Oh, and there's more records in the Drawing room, and a piano."

"Draco plays" said Astora "Let's do that."

I grimaced politely, Draco flinched, and they left to get drinks.

"That went well" I said brightly.

"What did you do to him?" asked Daphne.

"Levitated him in first year on the way to school, banished Crabbe and Goyle and spoke parseltounge at him" I said plainly.

"So he thinks you're a dark lord? " asked Daphne Greengrass.

"And made him tell daddy to send me some things I knew they had… I forgot Dumbledore was filtering my mail for bad things. Ooops." I smiled quite genuinely at Daphne.

"Can you still do that?" she asked "Talk to snakes?"

"I haven't tried since" I admitted. "I suspect not, for complicated secret reasons."

As if summoned, Theo Nott arrived looking polite, carrying a small gift, in other words, frightened.

"Come in" I said and gave the same what's where spiel, but telling him where the library was and that it was de-cursed.

He practically bolted for the stairs.

Piano music started flowing down the stairwell. Oh, Malfoy actually could play the piano. Talented pillock.

Tracey appeared with drinks a bit later, and suggest we might mingle.

Hardly anyone else was turning up, but as we went to leave the front door, a mob of Hufflepuffs arrived, looking determined.

I waved them in "Come in, be welcome,"

"Honestly they've been greeting people for hours" said Tracey.

And then someone came down the stairs, loudly.

"Come awn, Harry likes you!" said Sarah Silverman's distinctive voice.

She was towing a dishevelled Tony Goldstein.

"Who's that?" asked Susan Bones.

"Sarah Silverman, Tony's notorious portkey-post bride from America" said Daphne politely. "She was pretending to be her friend Leanne Wanger to find out what he was like."

Tony and Sarah got to the foot of the stairs and the hallway was getting very crowded.

"Harry, did you know?" asked Tony.

"I um, guessed" I admitted. "Sarah asked me not to tell you in german."

"Potter speaks german?" asked Hannah Abbott.

"Badly" said Daphne very drolly.

"Can we go somewhere with room to breathe?" I asked. "Like the kitchen, its huge and has lots of food and drink and furniture."

Daphne grabbed my arm "On three" she said, and Side-along Apparated me to the kitchen.

Ginny Weasley was eating Michael's face in the corner.

"Get a room" I said to them.

Michael stopped and stared at me.

Soon a load of Hufflepuffs arrived in the kitchen down the stairs led by Tracey.

"Apparting inside!" she said to Daphne "Jerk."

I got a drink in a champagne flute.

Daphne got a similar drink. I watched her drink over my glass.

"Oh my gawd they really do like each other" said Sarah Silvermann.

"And Harry Potter didn't tell me Leanne was Sarah" complained Tony.

"Um… Susan… this is Sarah Silvermann from New York. Her mother and Tony's mother want them to be together – mostly because they're both magical and Jewish." I said.

Susan looked at me, doing 'Auror doesn't believe the witness' look number two.

"It's true" said Tony effusively "My mother decided I needed to marry."

"Aren't they cute together" said Sarah.

"So… said Susan, looking confused "That whole weird story is true… owl order bride?"

"My mother wants me to marry a good Jewish man, who also really should be a wizard." said Sarah. "She sang all day when she saw Tony's mother's advertisement."

"And?" asked Hannah politely.

"He's not ugly or stupid, but I'm not sure about his sense of humour" said Sarah. Many nods at that.

"There it goes" said Tony in that tone of voice "Oppressing the Jewish minority, Always oppressing the only Jewish wizard in all of Hogwarts."

"Tony" said Sarah as bluntly as a sledgehammer, "Stick a cork in it. You wanna do standup, go to a club and get paid."

Tony stopped and blinked "You think my shticks' funny?"

"It's very niche humour Tony, but there's a couple of magical comedy clubs in New York, and they might let you try" said Susan. "So stop your kvetching."

"You think I'm funny?" asked Tony "and there's a place I could do my shtick?"

"Don't get your hopes up" said Sarah "Nobody'd get your English cultural references."

"Leannne, I mean Sarah?" asked Tony "Can I kiss you again?"

"No, not in front of all these people" said Sarah, blushing.

"Get a room" said Tracey dismissively.

It had started, I was terribly worried.

"Eh?" asked Sarah "You talking to me?"

"You were sucking his face off, go get a room." said Tracey "your mothers want you together."

Sarah blinked "Did you just seriously suggest I go to bed with a man I met three weeks ago?"

Tracey nodded "Before one of you explodes" she explained.

Sarah snorted "Why is this the only witch I've met with any sense?" she asked.

I took Daphne's hand and kissed it melodramatically "Before the universe as we know it ends… I'd like to say how very fond of you I am" I said. Daphne gave me a mildly amused frown.

"Oh, good they're dating" said Sarah "When they snogged at Tony's party I thought her pants were gonna catch fire. You shoulda seen them. I had to take a cold shower."

Tracey stared at Daphne "Daph?" she asked "You what?"

"Kissed at Tony's Yule Party" said Daphne. "Our team won the trivia quiz ,and it was supposed to be a polite kiss. Till Harry decided to… um."

"Yeah so he Um'ed her real good, and she melted into him." said Sarah. "Frankly I'm still waiting for Tony to work out how to Um."

Tracey rubbed her hands together and explained "We went to France, for shopping of course, and Sirius took us to Harry's château and we left the room and when we came back they were doing boring business planning stuff. Honestly I worry about her."

"Waitaminiute… Harry… big house in London has a château in France. As in Paris France?"

"In the country" I explained. "It was grandmama Melania's"

"Do you have a château in France too?" Sarah asked Tony accusingly.

"No" said Tony "They're rich and don't date, remember."

You remember, good" said Sarah, "How do you even get to France?"

"Portkey" said Susan "It's about three galleons a head, takes five minutes."

"I forget how small Europe is" said Sarah "Are chateaus actually pretty? Aren't they expensive?"

"Yes and maybe" said Daphne. "His is okay, I suppose..."

Sarah and Tracy sorted "His is Okay, I suppose" said Tracey, red faced. Sarah nodded, snorting.

The witches dissolved into raucous laughter. Daphne shaking her head and smiling slightly.

Ernie Macmillan came over and asked "Your adopted grandmother was a Macmillan right?" I nodded "Distant cousins by adoption."

Ernis shook my hand "Well, great-great-aunt Melania is a bit notorious in our family. Not for marrying a Black, obviously, but for getting caught um… cuddling Arcturus often. Does your château have lots of rooms? Only I wouldn't mind a holiday in France at some point?"

"It's bigger than here" I admitted "And while Sirius Black is there now with his fiancée, it's not like here with only one drawing room. It has like four or five salons."

"Your Parlour's fine" said Daphne offhandedly.

"You've been in his parlour. Is it awful?" asked Hannah. "He's not exactly nice."

"Oh... he's quite nice to me" said Daphne, slightly amused.

Hannah didn't say, 'but you're a stuck-up Slytherin bitch'.

Fortunately, Neville Longbottom arrived and swept Hannah into a big kiss. She cheered right up.

"Oh hi Daphne" said Neville "You really dating Harry?"

Daphne rolled her eyes "Yes Neville I'm dating Harry. No you don't have to get all protective, even if you're my cousin."

"She's your cousin?" asked Hannah.

"Her paternal grandmother was a Longbottom" explained Neville simply, snagging a champagne flute and drinking some.

"Harry, it's pretty good" said Neville thoughtfully. "But get Daphne's family to organise caterers next time."

"So your uncle Algie can sell the wine?" asked Daphne.

"Look, it's just keeping it in the family" said Neville.

Sarah Silvermann spoke up "Hi, I'm Sarah Silvermann, I'm not related to anyone in the room, I think, and I'm here to meet Tony Goldstein. Our mothers want us to Marry because we're Jewish and magical."

"Muggleborn?" asked Neville "You have to be related to someone."

"Yeah and Hermiones' a Dagwood-Granger" I muttered, and got elbowed by Daphne.

"Don't mutter it's coarse" said Daphne.

Which reminded me.

I called Kreacher and the elf appeared with a pop "The House is full of people drinking and kissing Master. Bad Halfblood Master" Kreacher corrected himself.

"Take the cookies to the place without being seen" I told Kreacher, who vanished with a loud pop.

"That's the rudest house-elf I've ever met" said Hannah "They're usually so nice."

"My feet are killing me" said Daphne "Can we please go sit somewhere?"

"Parlour?" I asked. She nodded and we apparated there almost at the same time.

She lay back on the chaise and sighed "My feet hurt" she admitted.

I sat on the nearby ottoman and rubbed her feet.

"I'll keep you on" she said "Don't look up my dress."

I rubbed her feet, wiggling my toes.

"Aren't you even going to try?" asked Daphne.

I looked up from her feet "honesty the hemlines' down at your ankles. If it was thigh-high, I 'd be hard-pressed not to get an eyeful."

"You'll get a mouthful later" muttered Daphne.

There was a loud crack from the landing and Tracey appeared "Apparting to Potter's Parlour. And he's rubbing your feet!"

The room quickly filled with Sarah and Tony and Tracey and Lily and Ernie and Susan.

"So, how much does a chateau cost anyway?" asked Sarah. "Just how rich are the Blacks?"

"One doesn't ask, but they own this place, a chateau… some other things I suppose" said Daphne.

"And a Caribbean island" I added.

Everyone stared at me.

"You… own an island in the Caribbean?" asked Susan incredulously.

"Sirius Black owns a small island in the Caribbean, and there's only a hut there" I explained.

I looked in the cupboard where the spare chandelier was wrapped in newspaper, and as I remembered, it was a property section. It was a long comical mess to unwrap. Lots of fiddly dangly bits.

"What is he doing?" asked Tony "Apart from looking silly?"

I put the chandelier back in the putative drinks cupboard very carefully and straightened out the papers on the coffee table. There was an ad for a semi-derelict château. Or a pretentious house, my French isn't the best and it's a real-estate ad.

"Uh… eighty thousand galleons for a cheap one?" I said, getting ink on my fingers from the newsprint.

"So it's less than a house in the Hamptons" said Sarah after some thought.

"A what?" asked Daphne.

"A holiday house down by the beach" said Sarah. "We rented a little place there once."

"Put that terrible paper away and clean your hands" said Daphne "I'm not getting ink on my dress."

I went to the bathroom and washed my hands, thinking… ink on your underwear.

Daphne went home at a civilised hour. We'd spent a little quality time in my room.

I walked up the stairs to see the Carrow twins on one of the landings talking to the Weasley twins, one of whom seemed interested, the other just seemed nervous.

The place was a bit packed still, but I'd had enough. I just went to my room and shut the door.

-==0==-

I was woken by Remus Lupin with a cousin Tonks behind him looking amused.

"Harry, you left a party happening and went to bed. You would normally be expected to supervise till all guests left" said Remus.

"Girlfriend went home, and I was tired" I said sulkily. "Why don't you and Tonks just go shag, and leave me to sleep?"

Tonks looked mildly amused by that, Remus looked like he wanted to both castigate me and, also, cry.

"He sounded just like James for a second there" said Remus, sniffling sentimentally.

And they sodded off. Cousin Tonks waved and winked.

-==0==-

I went to breakfast on foot feeling a bit worse for wear and Kreacher shooed me off to the dining room as apparently we had visitors who'd slept over.

Very disturbed by this, I walked upstairs and into the dining room.

Kreacher had tidied away the catered food and drink but had gone all out on breakfast, repurposing multiple chafing dishes. Or maybe we always had them. I couldn't think about that because Tonks was trying to drink coffee, slumped in a chair in her Auror uniform. She looked nine-tenths asleep and her hair was a bright red.

"You okay Tonks?" I asked.

She looked up from the cup "Didn't sleep" she said, in a tone that brooked no kidding around, then smiled a big lazy smile.

I smiled sweetly at my cousin, and tried to get a plate loaded with a good heart-stopping breakfast.

There were the sounds of feet on the stairs.

Dean Thomas staggered into the dining room looking like he'd been assaulted, his clothes looked a bit ripped, and he had some sort of religious experience finding a big pot of coffee, which he drank quite hot, and braced himself on the table.

"You all right?" I asked, getting some tea.

"I'd rather not say" said Dean, sounding exhausted.

He'd managed a cup of coffee and some scrambled eggs and bacon when Pansy Parkinson, of all people started yelling from the stairwell "Dean, where the hell are you!"

Dean sighed, got up and went over there, and she shut up immediately.

Dean staggered back to his chair and ate grimly.

Pansy, in her party dress, but with her hair totally undone and no makeup and no shoes came in and sat next to Dean, and pulled her chair over so she could sit closer.

Then she noticed anyone else was in the room.

"Potter" she said, almost politely.

"Pansy Parkinson, my cousin Tonks, who's … Professor Lupins friend."

"Just Tonks?" asked Pansy.

"Just Tonks" said Tonks, who, having drunk a lot of coffee was looking more awake.

"Oh, Tonks, Dean Thomas, Dean, my cousin Tonks." I said, making introduction.

Dean nodded at Tonks, who looked at him curiously. "I've seen him somewhere before"? She asked.

"Prob'ly a Shafiq… his middle names Fidel, and his wizard dad went missing in the early eighties… his mum… " I said.

"Mum's a muggle" said Dean "From essex. Dad had a French accent. Never gave a real last name."

"He's a Shafiq" said Pansy "How else could he be so big."

Tonks snorted, then got her shit together "I'll check the Fidel Shafiq missing person report… you lot send the Shafiq's a letter" she said.

I was eating when Tonks said "Oh hello cousin" and I looked up.

Draco fucking Malfoy, in about half his outfit was looking hung-over

"I need help" he said "Tori's not well, I need help." He sounded quite panicky.

Tonks was out of her chair with deceptive speed.

"Where" she asked.

"Second floor, the orange room" said Draco, and Tonks vanished with a very loud crack.

I grabbed Draco by and elbow and dragged him to the front door, and drew my wand. He cringed.

I cast a muffliato and asked "Do you know about her illness?"

"What?" he said. "She's just delicate."

I shook my head in frustration "She has a blood malediction. Don't expect two children and a live wife." I snapped. I can't help myself sometimes.

Draco looked at me oddly "You're not throwing me out?"

"You're worried about your girlfriend, and hung over. Cousin Tonks is an Auror, she knows a lot of medical charms, and can get her to St Mungos." I said, falling back into command mode.

Draco looked oddly at me "You're… not going to hurt me?" he asked.

"I'm going to give you some advice. Find the Greengrasses a cure as a bride gift or whatever. India has parseltounge healers. Maybe they haven't tried there. Ask Cyrus." I said quickly and carefully.

Draco blinked "Daphne has told you about this? Already? I thought you two were just starting dating."

I took a deep breath and counted to ten in my head. Trying to salvage a situation I'd made worse.

"I can honestly say Daphne knows why I know, so does her mother… and I suspect her father." I said.

"But… she's not here?" asked Draco. "She gets… upset if Tori gets tired out."

"She's a protective elder sister. Get used to it" I said. "She went home at ten last night."

"So … you're not a permanent thing with her?"

"We're not engaged or anything" I lied.

"Tori said Daphne said she was engaged" said Draco.

I took a deep breath. "I may have sworn her a binding oath of fidelity." I admitted.

Draco's brain clearly seized at this point. He pointed at me, and his mouth opened and closed.

"I have not always been a particularly faithful man" I said.

"You've never dated anyone except my fiancees' sister." said Draco "Just to ruin my life."

"Draco, you're perfectly capable of ruining your own life without help." I said. "Though, you do play piano well. Congratulations, you do something I certainly don't."

"Why… date Daphne. She's got the personality of a… harridan" said Draco. Really, in some respects his mother did a great job of raising him, he has a great vocabulary.

"Because I like her. She's not bubbly like Astoria, and does… have a temper, but I'm still quite fond of her." I said.

"She's a moody, sarcastic cow" said Draco. "Can't you find some other witch that I'm not marrying to date."

"Draco… you slept the night at my house, drunk on my wine, stuffed with my food. A party to gently introduce her friends to my friends."

"What was Thomas doing in there with Pansy?" asked Draco.

"Dean's probably Fidel Shafiq's lost bastard" I said bluntly "And Pansy appreciates his assets."

Draco coughed. "She's very… pliable" bragged Draco.

"Never tell me that stuff" I said "No matter how chummy we ever get… never tell me that."

"Well you want the frigid one, I guess" said Draco.

I couldn't help snorting and shaking my head "Not frigid, just very demanding." I countered "A night with Daphne is a long hard night. Or else."

"What!" said Draco, blinking incredulously.

"The opposite of Pansy" I explained. "Just… lots of hard work. Worth it, but not quickie girl."

"What about Tori… she's sick!" said Draco.

"You're not panicking anymore, go to your room, get dressed, go to the drawing room whip off two letters, one to your mum and one the Greengrasses and go to St Mungos. Tonks should have her stable by now." I said.

"You… were doing this to distract me?" asked Draco.

"Of course" I said lightly "Go!".

Draco vanished with a crack.

I went back to my breakfast, which needed a warming charm.

A surprising number of people arrive for breakfast.

Sarah Silvermann sat politely on her own. No sign of Terry, Tony or Micheal.

Hermione dragged herself in.

I gave her a look with raised eyebrows.

"I got distracted by the library" Hermione said. "When I realised how late it was, I took a room."

The Carrow Twins turned up looking quite… pleased with themselves.

I hoped I didn't see two drained looking Weasley twins.

Remus dragged himself in, poured coffee and drank it without speaking. He looked tired, but he always did.

"You're out of bed" he said to me, ignoring the house-guests.

Pansy appeared to be stroking Dean's thigh and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. I tried not to shudder.

"I've got work to do" I said to Remus. "Tonks is gone, one of the guests was sick" I added.

Remus nodded "Are you going to be handing out hangover potions?" he asked.

I shrugged "They're all adults" I said.

Theo Nott tiptoed down the front hall and exited the front door. Too shy for breakfast, I suppose.

Daphne arrived in the office about three hours later.

"Tori's in St Mungos" she snapped out.

I nodded "Malfoy came in to the dining room to raise the alarm, and Tonks took her to St Mungos after stabilising her." I said. "She's an Auror, she can skip a lot of queues"

"And you told Malfoy" said Daphne.

"I told him to being a cure as a bride-gift" I said evenly "Have your family tried India and parseltounge healers?"

Daphne took a deep breath. The effect is more impressive when she's thirty-four, squeezed into clothes for a fourteen-year-old. "How could you tell him… how did you even know?"

"She's died before me a few times" I explained. "Don't you think he should try? I admit I told him firmly not to try for a second child without curing it."

"She... she dies of that?" asked Daphne, biting her own lip and looking worried. She is her sisters keeper.

I stood up, hugged her and kissed her hair gently "She'll be fine later, and he's very motivated. He thinks she's the most wonderful witch in the world. He is of course, only slightly wrong."

Daphne leaned back "Slightly wrong?"

"She's the sister of the most wonderful witch in the entire world" I explained.

Daphne narrowed her eyes "We've both got work to do. There's not time for that." she said.

"I disagree" I said, and bit the tendon on her shoulder gently. She made a noise that's not an annoyed noise. So I lied to Draco about quickies. I do that a lot.

Draco found a healer in India who thought they could help, and organised a trip for Astoria and her mother. Daphne went along for 'support.' It's effectively genetic so she's at least a carrier.

I got a lot of work done with nobody to snog. Which seemed to trigger Tonks to spend more time visiting Remus on holiday, and Sirius and Maddie to spend more time in the drawing room playing records and snogging.

The commercial tenants all got visited once, with hand-delivered invoices. Some of them started paying, a few complained about roofs that leaked. Contractors fixed those, and the money started to flow in a bigger trickle.

Then the residential tenants all got visited, and I took a journal, tape measure and a camera. And business cards with our Gringotts vault number. And personalised invoices.

A surprising number were looking quite affluent… never paying rent might do that.

I reminded them all that they owed rent, and hand-wrote on our business cards the weekly rent due. As they all had some rent in arrears I pointed that out on the invoices and explained that in sixty days, Gringotts will be given the debts to collect.

Easily ten of the tenants immediately claimed to be unable to pay their arrears. I nodded politely and asked them politely to immediately leave the house.

The first one, a Mister Fisher said "But I live here!"

"And you owe the house of Black and refuse to pay." I explained "I don't see why I need to involve Gringotts. If you're not out in an hour, I'll throw you out, and then all your things."

As Mr Fisher was a person with many things, I expected he'd change his tune.

He called the Hit-Wizards.

I stood, waiting.

Finally, some blue-robed wizards in black armour turned up. "Meeks" said the name badge on the first one.

"Officer Meeks" I said "Mister Fisher has called you. I'm his landlord, he owes … eight hundred and ninety galleons, and has done so for more than a year, and refuses to pay. Do what you feel you should."

Officer Meeks, who was tall, strong-looking fellow explained to Mr Fisher, a pudgy-faced chap in pinstriped robes that… yes, his landlord really can throw him out, and that the Hit-Wizards while unwilling, would be doing the throwing.

"But I called you to stop him doing that" said Mr Fisher, indignantly.

Meeks explained that the landlord is entitled to throw out a tenant for more than a year's unpaid rent. Or two months after being told they're in arrears.

"I'll… pay some of it… I can't pay all of it, I'm not made of money" said Fisher hurriedly.

"I'd loan you the money" I told Mr Fisher "But my tenants don't pay their rents, so I don't have the money.

"But you're a Black… you're rich. You can afford it" protested Mr Fisher.

The Packing charm is amazing, and if you overpower the crap out of it, it really can pack a whole house. Well, move all the effects into the street in neat piles.

I put a locking spell on the door, took Mr Fisher's photo, photographed his stuff, went inside, photographed all the rooms, which were in pretty good nick really and went back outside.

Dear Mr Fisher was being harassed by people crowding around his stuff.

I shrank it all for him and put it in a conjured bag "Here you go" I said.

Mr Fisher apparrated away.

Officer Meeks came over and shook his head "You won't make a lot of friends like that, Mr Potter-Black" he said.

"I'm off to see Madam Entwhistle" I said "You might want to come and verify that I threw Mr Fisher out."

"You going to throw her out too?" asked Officer Meeks.

"If she agrees to pay it back, no" I explained.

I looked in the ledger.

"We're owed by domestic tenants… twenty-three thousand galleons. And weekly rents of… twenty-eight galleons. Currently, we're getting eight galleons a week. That's an annual income of about a thousand galleons. That's… split across the family, not counting tax, and people expect us to donate to St Mungos every year."

"Still a lot more'n I make" said Meeks.

"The house is worth about five thousand galleons, but we can't spend any money on maintenance, because in the last twenty years, it's as if we didn't own it. I was born the year he stopped paying rent. Sirius spent half that time in Azkaban, for a crime he didn't commit. Now, it appears Mr Fisher just treated it like his own house, and kept it well repaired. And that's great… but he pocketed nearly a thousand galleons in the process." I said. "Now, I have an ad to place in the Prophet for a house to rent."

It was a long week, full of people yelling at me. Not much different from being Officer attending as an Auror.

The Hit-Wizards asked for a list of names after the second callout. I gave them a copy.

The look on Cyril Thwaite's face when he floo-called the Hit Wizards and they told him to get knotted was worth a few galleons. Cyril owed one thousand and eleven, so I just waited till he took all his stuff, cast cleaning charms till my arm ached, and locked the place up and went to place an ad in the Prophet.

Four days later, I got a letter from a Carrow. They wanted to know if we, the Blacks had a garret or two, as their great-aunt had a dower, but was a bit gaga, and they wanted to sell the family home.

I went to see them. Which was a bit of a mistake, as they lived on windswept moor, and I nearly froze getting to their two-story stone house.

The front door was soft from rot.

One of the twins opened the door enthusiastically, and lost their smile when they saw me.

"Oh, Mr Potter" they said.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

I was shown into the cold, severe drawing room, and sat on the couch facing two Carrows.

"I have some apartments, but they're in the front bit of Knockturn Alley. I do have a flat over a shop in Diagon, but it's ten sickles a week. Which was more than your budget for your great-aunt."

"Knockturn then" said one Carrow. "How much?"

"Eight sickles a week." I said "I could knock a bit off if you two cleaned the building. Down to six."

"For both apartments?" asked one sharply.

"For one." I said. "Do either of you um… have jobs?"

"No" said one "I'm Flora, she's Hestia, we need to sell the house and land. It's worth thousands of galleons, and our best career option at the moment is on our backs in Knockturn alley. Our family name closes a lot of doors."

"Have… you considered working for Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes?" I asked.

Hestia blushed "We couldn't possibly work for George." she said.

"Why not?" I asked, "You'd be working for Fred too, and I'm the silent partner."

"I'm seeing George" said Hestia, with a shy blush, and look away.

"Oh well… Flora, I mean, there's lots of work and the store's expanding…" I said.

"I'm seeing George" said Flora in a small voice, going beet red.

It took a bit of thought to remember Fred was with Angie. And George was… apparently with Flora and Hestia… And my brain filled in the gaps. Wow.

"Well, I can see that might be awkward. Tell you what, I've got fifty odd tenants, commercial and domestic. There's four apartment buildings, and two of you…. oh... and the Blacks own Grimmauld in London, a chateau in France, and I think there are some other houses in England. You two be the cleaners, and you can stay in say, pick a vacant building, and pop your great aunt in the flat in Diagon. You'd be expected to keep that clean too."

"But… people live in the houses." said Flora.

"The roof, the outside every three months, the apartment buildings, inside once a day, just the halls, and Grimmauld once a week, the Château again, once a week, in anyone's there, or once a month. And whatever other houses, monthly."

"Sounds like a full-time job" said Hestia.

"Two full-time jobs, with complimentary accommodation." I said. "Find out what a cleaning service charges, bring me a quote and I'll pay you two half each."

"Why are you helping us?" asked Flora.

"Well… you're both seeing George. So you're friends of a business partner, and you're friends of Daphne's. And really, you should be able to have a better job than lying on your back."

"Once we're doing this… we'll have money from selling the estate" said Flora.

"I'd suggest you ask Daphne for investment ideas." I said. "I'm going to take a risk on you two."

"What about collecting rents" asked Hestia.

"I'm doing that right now" I said.

"You're talking to us. We could collect rents." said Hestia, who wasn't terribly tall or heavily built.

Flora asked "Aren't you supposed to be terribly paranoid?"

I nodded. "I'm fairly cautious. I agreed."

"You let strangers into your house, and you're here. You don't even have your wand out." said Flora.

I lifted one hand and the coffee table floated off the floor.

"No, I don't have a wand out" I agreed, and lowered the table.

"You terrified Draco Malfoy, didn't you?" asked Hestia. I nodded.

"Good. He wanted us to both have sex with him at the same time." said Hestia.

"And we don't do that" said Flora.

"Except for George" I added. Flora drew her wand, as did Hestia.

"George doesn't expect us to do incestuous things" said Flora stiffly. "He's a gentleman"

I smiled. The world is a strange place.

"And he has a lot of stamina" said Hestia, with a slight smile.

"Quite" I said.

I went back to … gently harassing tenants.

Two days later I got a letter from the Carrows, they had enclosed a quote for the cleaning work, from two different firms. I was impressed with their resourcefulness, and both quotes came to nearly three galleons a week. Less rent, one each.

That's what I sent back.

I started to feel like I should go see Professor Dumbledore. I did know some things about my condition, and he knew lots about magic in general. The whole bit where apparently Harry Potter was still underneath all of this... me somewhere was a bit worrying. Okay, I felt guilty.

A request by post got me an appointment the Hogs Head the next night in the back room.

I wasn't too worried as I was pretty sure I'd reset to the stone circle if anything bad happened.

I apparated to Hogsmeade, walked into the Hogs Head, tried not to gag at the smell of stale beer, goats and vomit, and went to the back room, as Abe pointed to the right door.

Albus Dumbledore was sipping something sherry-like.

I sat down.

"What brings you to meet me, Mr Potter-… Black" asked Professor Dumbledore.

I cast muffliato, and locked the door. "I had an unusual experience with some unspeakables" I began.

"It generally is" nodded Professor Dumbledore sagely.

I explained that they'd managed to temporarily lift the curse but that Harry Potter didn't remember anything after the day before going to Hogwarts for the first time.

"What a devilish curse" said Professor Dumbledore. "I take it you've had the curse restored, in order to still be yourself."

I nodded. "I was wondering if there was away to save my memories… and put them back once the curse is lifted?"

"Well" said Professor Dumbledore "We could… save them, though… all of your memories would be an awful lot of work"

"This one life then, just the ten years" I suggested.

"That... would be still very difficult, and very tiring" he said.

"I like the idea" I said.

"I ... I can understand you might want to live a normal life, move on" said Professor Dumbledore. "I'll need a few days to get the container ready, it'll need to be a very large alchemical crystal jar."

An owl to Parsifal, Department of Mysteries later, I waited.

The Greengrasses were still in India.

The plan was solidifying, get my memories saved off, the last life worth, get the curse lifted, again, and put my memories back into Harry's head. Harry would live a long life, free of monsters and dark lords, and I wouldn't have to live through someone else's life again.

Now, this might sound insane. Like I'm planning to die or something. But I'm not. I borrowed Harry's life, and I'm going to give it back. He's solvent, has some family, a sort-of girlfriend, and nobody's after him.

Parsifal and Dumbledore met me at the stone circle. It was summer, so we had that going for us.

Parsifal and I, anyway.

I sat on the centre stone and Professor Dumbledore pulled an implausibly big jar of slightly silvery liquid out of his robe pocket, and nodded to it "Think of your … current life, raise your wand to your temples and pull. It will take a lot of effort, and my experiments, well I found it very painful."

"Can I borrow the white wand to do it?" I asked. "That will make it easier."

Professor Dumbledore gave me a look, that I'd seen from Professor McGonagall before, like I'd just found the right answer the wrong way.

He handed me the white wand from up his sleeve. There was a feeling up my arm of such… warmth, of such… rightness. I felt the urge to… fall prey to the curse on the wand. It was quite diabolically subtle. I looked Professor Dumbledore in the eyes "Tricksy thing, isn't it?" I asked.

He gave me a slow, smiling nod "Yes Harry, a tricksy thing indeed." he rumbled.

I put the wand to my forehead, thought of my whole current life, and tried to pull a memory of it.

I remember the blood fountain curse. This was like that, but on the side of my skull. I pulled harder, and silvery light flared, and a gigantic, brain-sized blob of silvery light came out of my head, stretching between the wandtip and my skull. Where it belonged, not outside my head.

My eyesight started to go, the edges going black, colours fading to black and white. I felt cold all over, and my skin felt like it was awash with sweat. My head wobbled a little and it was hard to concentrate on pulling the memories out. And not trying to think of specific moments. The silvery blob twitched and undulated like a jellyfish, then snapped loose from my head, forming a silvery blob sliding down the wand, I inverted it and shook it into the preservative liquid. It made undulating blob. The most precious undulating blob I'd ever seen. I was about to give it to an eleven-year-old, who'd loaned me his life. Fair swap, I think.

Parsifal got Dumbledore to carry the jar out of the circle, I lay back and Parsifal said the spell, words I can't even recognise the language of, and I lost consciousness.

-==0==-

Harry Potter woke up lying on a stone in a strange stone circle with a weird old man with a beard wearing a white cotton nightgown, and holding a stick. He looked faintly familiar.

Harry sat up, and it was vertigo-inducing because he was far taller than he remembered. He had... huge legs, adult sized feet, adult hands.

"What's happening?" asked Harry "Is this to do with going to Hogwarts. Hagrid didn't mention it?"

An even odder looking old man in gasses with a beard down to his knees, in a sky blue dress came over carrying a big jar of silvery something. Like a silver jellyfish, but just a single blob.

"What's that?" asked Harry, unable to ignore something so weird. As the jar got closer, Harry noticed it wasn't a jam jar, or a fishtank, but a huge vase-like thing made of crystal. The blue dress man said "Hello Harry. I'm just going to put this… which is your memories, back in your head. We had to take them out to treat a problem you were having."

"Is that why I remember being eleven… but I'm an adult?" asked Harry perceptively.

"Why yes" said the blue-robed man, who set the crystal jar down on the stone next to Harry, took out a white wand from his sleeve, intricately carved to have berries on it, and dipped the stick into the silvery blob. The blob stuck to the stick like glowing candyfloss made of moonlight, and came out of the jar, which now had just faintly silvery water in it.

The glowing blob undulated oddly under it's own power, and the old man held it to the side of Harry's head.

"Now this will hurt a bit" said the old man, and pushed the blob against Harry's head.

Harry suddenly felt his head filling up, like his brain was a water balloon filling with water, getting fuller and fuller, with a ripping, tearing feeling like something in his head was somehow breaking… then the blob was all gone and his head felt muzzy. Like the time he drank all that fire-whisky with Sirius, and was sick for a whole day.

Harry blinked. What he just remembered?

"What just happened?" he asked, feeling like his head was full of … years and years of life, that he hadn't lived. But...he remembered it… remembered….

Harry remembered asking Professor Dumbledore how he could take out his memories while the time-looping reincarnation curse was lifted, and put them back afterwards, so Harry Potter could have his life back.

Harry's eyes watered. In a quite grown-up tone he said "I think I want to get very, very drunk, eat a curry, wake up with a hangover and explain to my extremely pretty witch of a girlfriend that I just stopped being myself, and now I'm myself again, for the first time."

"Do you think that would be wise?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Well" said Harry awkwardly "I'm not… him anymore. He… was always so angry, so paranoid."

"He was, you are, a very great man. I don't think I could have done what he did to defeat Voldemort" admitted Professor Dumbledore.

"I remember" said Harry "It was mental. Not talking, because I'd screamed all night from torturing the horcrux, so I couldn't talk."

"I don't think I could have done that" admitted the Professor, and the Unspeakable was taking notes.

"How did you do that?" asked Parsifal.

"I had an accidental horcrux in my head, and I used spirit wrack on it till Voldemort felt regret and lost all his Horcruxes. I was very proud that nobody except Quirrell died." said Harry.

"Harry, do you remember how to cast Spirit Wrack?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Yes... from casting it" said Harry "But I don't remember ever learning it. When did that happen?"

"In a previous life" said Parsifal "The uh… helper lived many lives, trying to defeat Voldemort, save lives"

"Ultimately, he had to concentrate on staying alive" said Professor Dumbledore "His first trip to Hogwarts did not last long."

"What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"Well... he said he lived for about three months the first time, then died." said Professor Dumbledore "I won't trouble you with the details, he didn't share that many. Most of what he told me was deeply disturbing." said Professor Dumbledore.

"So… I just got – ten years of my life – I wasn't living, that… the me that lived it died over and over to get it right?" asked Harry.

"Basically, yes" said Professor Dumbledore. "Rather a generous man, for all he was so very bitter and paranoid."

-==0==-

Daphne Greengrass had been home two days from India when Harry Potter came to visit carrying a ridiculously large bunch of red roses.

His visit wasn't a huge surprise as she'd sent a card a day after the portkey sickness had faded, and asked for a day to settle back into home. And get over the sunburn, put the shopping away and watch her sickly sister, who was taking a new potion as the follow-up for the ritual they'd both had.

Daphne felt no different, but Tori seemed less... Tori like, less inclined to sit down, and gather her strength, and she even went horse-riding with Daphne.

Harry Potter smiled a huge smile, his eyes glittered, and he advanced on Daphne without hesitation, wrapped his arms about her and said "I missed you."

"Are you on potions?" asked Daphne.

"I've lost the memories of all my past lives" whispered Harry "Just me, just this once."

"How?" asked Daphne sternly.

"I asked Dumbledore for help" said Harry "He knows a thing or two about magic."

"And you're fine?" she asked "No other side-effects?"

"Well... apart from only feeling twenty now, no." said Harry. He wasn't technically lying, and that was the best kind of telling the truth.

The End.

I mean, What's the worst that can happen?

Epilogue:

I woke to my next big adventure, the memories of past nightmares fading as faint light filled the room I was in.