Okay, so it's been a minute. A very long minute. I don't have much to say about it except life got in the way, but I'm (hopefully) back. I'm going to be slowly getting back into things, but I have not abandoned any of my stories, y'all! So happy to get back to writing and posting again, and I hope y'all enjoy what I'm writing and posting! Let me know!
-Lily 3
"Okay, Mercedes. That was good, great even, but I want you to do it one more time and this time, put a little more… love on it."
Mercedes laughed nervously at one of her producers, Jackie. "I'm not sure what you mean, J."
"Of course you do. I mean, think of these lyrics. 'Our love burning fast as we collide. I need us to stop wasting time. In a world of the unknown, you're my home. Still, we're stuck and can't seem to grow. But I know together's where we belong.' That's some powerful stuff, Mercedes."
"I know the lyrics, Jackie. I wrote them."
"Then sing like it," Asia, another producer, chimed in. "You told me when we started this album that you wanted to revolutionize your sound. The music, the pen, the vocals, all of it. Between your experiences and your hopes and dreams, you wanted to change what we knew about you through this new artistic venture by having us experience the most vulnerable parts of you."
"Exactly." Jackie was thankful for the assist. "And there's nothing more vulnerable than opening yourself up completely to someone you may not even have a future with."
"Yeah, no kidding." Mercedes was frustrated by too many things to list. "But I thought all of this was me being vulnerable and 'putting a little more love on it'. Is it not enough?"
Jackie tried a different angle. "What were you thinking about when you wrote this? Obviously, your relationship with Sam, one would hope, but what about it?"
Mercedes bore holes in the ceiling searching for the answer she already knew. She wrote the song after Thanksgiving when she'd been thinking of how messed up things were with her mom and how Sam refused to let go of her even after she lashed out. Their relationship has continued to grow because when she's hurt, he gives her whatever she needs, even if it's space to figure things out. He always has.
But she just couldn't ignore a certain nagging feeling anymore. Not on the heels of yet another conversation with her mom and now Santana. Mercedes knew she loved Sam, but the things they said made her doubt whether or not what she wanted her relationship to look like was something she could really get behind.
"Okay, look," Asia interrupted Mercedes' thoughts, "we've been at this for about 5 hours. Why don't you take a break, maybe get a snack and some fresh air? We'll keep busy. Remember why you wrote this, Mercedes. Remember what got you there and what you were feeling. Everything else will fall into place, promise. Come back in 20 and we'll spend the rest of your time massaging that part."
Mercedes sighed as she left the booth. "Thanks." This wasn't how today was supposed to go. She was supposed to hit the ground running with confidence, excited to be back. Instead, she couldn't stop thinking about how Santana felt she was making a mistake with Sam and her career. Luckily for her, Sam was asleep when she got back last night, meaning he didn't see how upset she was and they didn't have to have a conversation about it. And since she was up and getting ready before he was lucid this morning, she was able to avoid him again. But after her session, she was going to the airport to greet the Evanses. He would see it all over her face, she was going to have to tell him, and she was dreading it. Plus, she and Santana obviously hadn't worked anything out, which was just creating more knots in her stomach.
She decided to take a walk and listen to something other than music. She admittedly missed the sounds of Cali. Sure, it was mostly just cars blasting their own loud music, but there was something about it. Maybe it was the dry heat or the way there was almost always the vague scent of weed in the air no matter where she went, but Lima just couldn't compare anymore. She loved being there, but California was her home just as much as Ohio was. By the time she left the block, she was getting a phone call from Evie.
"Hey." As she said hello, a car sped by her blastic hard metal music.
Evie's frown could be heard through the phone. "That doesn't sound like you're using the studio time you're paying tens of thousands of dollars for."
She sighed. "I know, I just needed a minute. I needed some fresh air, a break, something."
"Everything okay?"
Mercedes grinned softly. Evie kept her promise to take care of her. She always treated Mercedes as a person first, not an artist. Always. "Yeah, it will be. Or, I'm hoping it will. I don't know."
"Mmm. Is it the hunk of burning love?"
She giggled at the nickname. "I guess you could say that. But he didn't do anything. There were just some.… words exchanged between me and Santana last night. It wasn't pretty."
"Well after I tell you about this request that needs an urgent response, you know I'm here if you'd like to talk about it."
"Request that needs an urgent response?" With Evie, that phrase usually meant a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity or a horrible impending disaster.
"Mmhmm. Are you sitting down? You might want to sit down."
That didn't narrow it down. "Evie, I am in the middle of the street. I'm not sitting down."
"Fine. Maybe you want to injure yourself. Maybe you're okay with falling over when I tell you Jazmine Sullivan wants you as a feature on her next project. Maybe your bones and joints are—"
"What did you say?"
Checkmate. "Well, her manager Zsuzsa called saying Jazmine was flying back to Philly tonight after being here on an impromptu business trip, but she's got some things she's waiting on before she heads out. If you can be there within the hour, you've got yourself a feature. I told her that given the fact that you'd been dreaming of collaborating with her since you were born, I should be able to have you there."
"You're joking." Looks like it was the first one after all.
"But because of some shifting that had to be made to your schedule for the day, it wasn't a sure thing."
Sam's family. That was the shift in the schedule. Mercedes had Evie rearrange her schedule so that she could fit welcoming them into her day and there was no way she could do both this and the collab. Her excitement deflated. "I see."
"I convinced Zsuzsa to let me give you an hour to decide instead of an hour to get there. The choice is yours, Mercedes, but know that—"
"This is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. I know."
"And both your fans have been taking to Twitter about a JSMJ track since your GRAMMYs performance 2 years ago. I don't know if you'll have this again." There would definitely be more chances for her and Jazmine to make music together, but what both she and Jazmine were doing with their music right now, the way they were pioneering different sounds in the mainstream R&B scene, it was unprecedented. To pass this up now would mean missing out on that specific magic. "Make some calls, think on it, pray on it, do whatever you need to do. Either way, a car will be there for you in about an hour. You tell them where you want to go. Cool?"
Mercedes huffed. It was nowhere near cool. "I'll figure it out. Thanks, Evie."
She immediately called Sam.
"Oh my god, Mercedes. I'm so glad you called. I've been trying to figure out how to work the glass window thing again, like the blurring and stuff. I want to send Artie a video. He'll think it's super cool and want to put some kind of effect in his next movie. Then, he'll have to credit me and not only will I be rich off of royalties or whatever but I'll be breaking into the film business. Great idea, right?"
She chuckled, hearing his smile through the phone. "From what I know, that's not exactly how it works, babe. But if you actually do want to look into the film industry, I have some connections. Evie and I can set up some meetings for you."
"No, that's not- I was just- I'm good, thanks. Teaching and coaching is more than enough for me." He tried not to sound disappointed that his bit failed. "What's going on with you, though? How's everything going?"
"It's definitely going." She changed course and started walking back toward the studio. "Listen, something's come up, I'm not exactly sure how to say this…"
"You can't come with me to pick up my family." A part of him already knew.
"I'm sorry. It's just, it's Jazmine Sullivan and this could be a career-defining move for me. And again, it's Jazmine Sullivan. I mean did I ever tell you about—"
"Your 'Bust Your Windows' mega fantasy sophomore year? Yeah, I heard about it a few times."
"It's last minute and she's leaving town today. I'd have to be there next thing, Evie's sending a car for me now. But I can still say no. I can. I actually haven't even said yes yet."
"Don't even think about it, Mercedes. It's Jazmine Sullivan. Trust me, I get it. And if it were anything else, I know you'd be here. I'll take care of everything over here."
Mercedes leaned against the outside wall of the recording studio. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. And don't beat yourself up for it either. I want you there. You should be there. Okay?"
"Have I told you how much I love you lately?"
She could hear him smiling through the phone again. "You have, but I don't ever really get tired of hearing it…"
She chuckled. "I love you, Sam."
"I love you too, to the moon and back. Now, go and make the song that's gonna win you your next GRAMMY. Muah." He kissed her through the phone and hung up.
Sam managed to get Mercedes to call off the private pickup suite for the Evanses, but she still had a car take Sam to the airport and had his family's luggage and everything taken care of. When they got off the plane and into the airport, they made just about a straight shot for the driver holding a sign with their name on it.
Stacy ran up to Sam outside and hugged him, psyched. "Oh, my gosh! This is the best day of my life. Did you know we were being picked up by a chauffeur? A CHAUFFEUR? I can't believe THIS is actually how the rich and famous live!"
"Well, hello, to you too, little sister."
"Yeah, hi, nice to see you again." She saw the driver heading to the trunk and putting an extra bag in an already full trunk. "Wait, is our luggage already here? Holy crap, I have to vlog this!" She pulled out her phone and started recording. "Alright, y'all, so we're here at LAX, getting picked up by a capital 'C' chauffeur, and guess what? Our bags made it to the car before we did! This is my brother," she moved to fit Sam into the frame, who waved awkwardly, "his girlfriend should be around here somewhere. Where's Mercedes?"
"Yeah, we'll get to that in a second. Hi, Ma." Sam narrowly avoided the vlog ambush.
"Hi, baby." Mary beamed as she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "It's not even been long and I missed you so much." The hug continued and Sam just let it happen. He'd learned by now that when Mary Evans is hugging you, you hug until she's ready to stop.
"Mary, we've talked about this. You've got to let the boy breathe." Dwight spoke up from behind her.
Reluctantly, Sam's mom let him go.
Stevie strolled up, mocking his brother. "Man, I thought L.A. was supposed to make you cooler. Imagine my surprise when I get here and you still look like a nerd."
"Yeah, whatever." Sam got into position for their new and improved secret handshake. They put it together over facetime one day after Thanksgiving. It was a complicated sequence of hand slaps, elbow bumps, and dusting off the shoulders. Oh, and of course the random grunting noises they made along the way.
"Not bad, old man. Not bad." Stevie gave his approval.
Sam ruffled his hair and hugged his dad firmly. "Hey, Dad."
"How's it going, son?"
"Going good, going good." He turned to the rest of his family. "Was the flight and everything okay? I hope Mercedes' embellishments weren't too much; she said she wanted y'all to get the real first-class experience."
"Yeah, no kidding." Stacy pulled her phone back out to show Sam all the pictures she took. "Look at this! And they served food. Not snacks, not peanuts, actual food. I had chicken parmesan. CHICKEN PARM! And I don't get the whole 'airplane food' jokes because it was so. Good. It was so good Sam. Dad and Stevie had the braised short ribs, of course. And Mom got the chicken caesar."
Mary shrugged. "Normally, I wouldn't indulge in something like this. But, I did have a delicious glass or two—"
"Or four," Dwight said under his breath, only to be elbowed by his wife.
"Of prosecco. And your dad had an Old Fashioned that he couldn't get enough of. Mercedes definitely started our trip off right. Speaking of, where is she?"
"Did we miss me asking that 5 minutes ago?" Stacy frowned.
"Mercedes had some work stuff come up, an amazing opportunity that I wasn't about to let her miss. But she'll be back at the house before too late."
"Great, then let's get a move on," Dwight said, already hopping in the front seat of the black escalade. "I want to see how this baby rides." He tapped the side of his door.
On the way there, Dwight was immersed in his conversation with the driver and Stacy and Stevie were in their own worlds talking with their friends about the trip so far, leaving Sam and Mary to talk to one another.
"So, how have you and Mercedes been since I last saw you?"
"Since 3 weeks ago last you saw us?"
"Yes, 'since 3 weeks ago last I saw you'. How are things?"
"They're… good, yeah." Sam cracked a half-smile. "Things are good. We've just been figuring things out, adjusting. Probably me more than her, but yeah. We're moving forward. So things have been good."
Mary caught the anxiety in his voice. "But nothing bad is happening, right?"
"Nothing that we can't handle. Mercedes will probably have more to say about it than I will. She and her mom got into it again, literally on our way out of Ohio yesterday morning." He briefly told her what he witnessed of Mercedes' conversation with her mom.
"Seriously? What more does Michelle want from that girl? At first, I thought a little bit of sympathy was in order but the more I hear, the more enraged I get." Seeing Sam checking out, she reached for his hand. "All of that aside, you know your father and I are always here if things get to be too much."
He squeezed it. "I do. Thanks, Ma."
Sam got everyone into the house and— after a bit of bickering between Stacy and Stevie over which room they would have— settled in. He showed them around, still geeking out over some of the home's features himself. He laughed seeing that none of them wanted to get out and about as per usual on family vacations. They all practically split off into separate parts of the house. Stevie headed to his room (after raiding the pantry) to play video games, Stacy headed to the downstairs hot tub, and his parents headed to the rooftop patio.
They'd been there for a couple of hours when Mercedes arrived. Stevie and Stacy nearly tackled her as they embraced.
When they let go, Mercedes flicked Stevie's hair. "How have you gotten taller in the last month? This is ridiculous?"
"Been eating my Wheaties, what can I say?" He flexed his muscles and gave her a good smoldering stare.
Stacy gasped sarcastically. "Oh! So that's why Jeremy Hollingsworth beat you in an arm wrestle in 5 seconds flat yesterday. Your Wheaties?"
"Whatever." Stevie said quietly to Mercedes, "She's just mad because the same Jeremy Hollingsworth asked her to homecoming and won't ask her to prom."
She swatted at him. "I am not! You take that back!"
They went off to the side bickering as Dwight cut in. "There she is, the superstar!"
"I've told you a million times that you don't need to call me that."
"And I've told you a million and one that I'm going to keep calling you that until the day I die." They laughed in their hug.
At first when Mary stepped up to hug Mercedes, there were no words exchanged between them. They just hugged one another tightly.
Sam's heart warmed. Mercedes was one of the only people who relished in his mom's 30-second hugs and he was glad. Mercedes really needed it right about now.
"I'm glad you guys made it in okay," Mercedes uttered the first words as they let go.
"We certainly did. And I'll just say, if I had known you were living this lavishly, I would've demanded we make it in sooner. Mercedes, this house is gorgeous. I mean, it's absolutely stunning."
"Thanks so much, Mary. I'm sure Sam already told you, but my house is your house. Make yourselves at home and if you need anything at all, just let me know."
"So, what's on the agenda for tonight?" Stacy piped from the couch, having stuffed Stevie's head between the cushions.
"Let the woman get settled first, Stacy." Mary chided. "And stop messing up her house. And stop suffocating your brother!"
"No, it's totally okay," Mercedes laughed at the sight that had unfolded before her. "Well, the first two. That third one has nothing to do with me. Actually, Stace, I've already been thinking about it. If you want something really cool for your vlog on the first night, there's an AMAZING surf & turf spot by the pier. It's nice, but also lowkey and casual. Then, we can check out the pier and chill there for a bit. It should still be open for a few more hours."
"You had me at surf & turf. I'm gonna go pick out an outfit!" She ran off to her room.
The rest of the family minus Sam followed not long after. With everyone gone, Sam embraced her from behind. Mercedes laid her head back onto his chest and held onto him.
"How was your day?" He asked as they started swaying.
"Stressful."
Oh. "That doesn't sound like someone who just had a recording session with one of their favorite living artists."
She grinned lazily. "No, the session was amazing. Jazmine was amazing. It was all everything I thought it would be and more and honestly, I'll probably never make music the same way again. Seriously. I just wish it didn't happen on a day when I already had so much going on so I could really enjoy it. And I wish it wouldn't have happened just as your folks got in. I really wanted to welcome them, Sam."
"Well, you're here now and you still have plenty of time to welcome us all to your city. Trust me, after the next two weeks with the Evanses on vacation, you'll be glad you had those 2-ish hours to yourself." He joked before kissing her on the cheek. "I want to hear all about the session later, kay?"
She closed her eyes and hummed in agreement against his chest, wanting to soak him in after the day she'd had.
After a few more moments of swaying, Sam asked, "Is that all that's going on? You seem a little on edge."
"Is 'on edge' not a semi-permanent fixture of my mood lately?" She smirked.
"Well yeah, but, this seems different. It's like the rug's been pulled out from under you or something." He lifted her chin, telling her to look at him.
Her eyes fluttered open tiredly, like the simple action took a lot out of her.
"Are you good?"
A breath, Sharp, almost hitched. "I'm fine. Yeah, I'm good."
There was no way that was true. He deepened his gaze. "Mercedes, baby. Open and honest. Don't lie to me, I'm here for you to lean on."
Looking up at him, her words wanted to fall out. She'd wanted them to, too. She'd secretly hoped that against her will they'd come stumbling out, unrelenting and negligent, so that she wouldn't have to deal with this alone. Anything to not have to deal with this alone. But as she wanted words to come to the surface, tears came in their place. She tried to move away before he could see them.
"Mercedes—"
"I'm gonna go, uh, freshen up before we leave. Put on something a little nicer. Could you let everyone know I want to try to leave by 7, please?" Her voice already thick with distress, she left without waiting for an answer.
Sam walked over and sat down in one of the chairs. He knew how hard she was pushing through to make everything great for everyone and she just couldn't seem to catch a break. He hated that for her. He wished things could just be easy. He did that a lot, but today he wished extra hard. Whatever was upsetting her, he wasn't going to waste time getting to the bottom of it.