With his heart pounding, Jay opened the door to his apartment. He absolutely hated how nervous he was. Showing his girlfriend where he lived should not be a big deal. But thanks to his upbringing he had low self-esteem. Sometimes it got really low. This was one such occasion. He expected Erin to turn straight around and leave as soon as she walked in.
He entered, not saying anything to welcome her. The door opened into the living area. The kitchen was at the far end of the space, separated from the living area by a breakfast bar. He had a comfy leather couch, a wooden coffee table and a massive TV on the wall opposite the couch. And almost nothing else. It was what it was: an apartment for a guy who until recently had been single, and even now was hardly ever there. He didn't even have pictures on the walls.
"You know, there's something I really envy about this," Erin said pleasantly, walking into the middle of the living area after leaving her travel case near the front door.
"What?" he asked, feeling surprised that his chin hadn't hit the floor.
"It's minimalist. No clutter. No chaos. Somewhere to just be. Somewhere with no stress. I understand why you like it. This is just... your place," was all she could come up with.
Holy shit, she gets it, he thought. He was astounded. And in that moment he knew for sure that Erin was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. She understood him. Actually understood him. Understood that after what he had been through, he needed the simple, calm retreat away from all the chaos, from all the travel, from performing in front of thousands of people. When he was home, his brain got to take a time out.
"Okay, what's wrong?" she demanded, looking at him and standing with her hands on her hips.
"Huh? Nothing's wrong."
"Jay, you stopped talking in the car, and you've not said a word up here. You're just standing there staring at me. We can talk about whatever is wrong, but what you're not going to do is lie to me and say everything is fine when I can tell it isn't."
Finally, he snapped out of the funk that the fears which now seemed ridiculous had put him in. He smiled and walked over to her. "Nothing's wrong. I was being an idiot and thinking you'd hate my place. But you get it, I know that now. This is the calm, quiet place I need to retreat to when I'm not on the road. It's my place to be away from everything."
Erin stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. "One day, when you're ready, if you're ever ready, I hope you can talk to me some more about what happened to you. I want to understand you even more than I do now. I want to be able to be here for you even more than I am now. What I'm saying doesn't even make much sense. Maybe I just want to carry some of the burden for you, if that's even possible."
What she was saying meant a lot to him. But he couldn't talk about it now. Couldn't imagine doing it at all. "I can't promise that," he said, trying to be diplomatic about it because she had been trying to show... what? Love? Maybe. It felt too soon for that word to enter his head. But then he had never been in love before, so what would he know?
"I don't expect you to make promises," she said, nothing but understanding in her voice. "Just know that I'm never going to judge you. All I need from you is the same in return. As I've said before, please stop thinking about money all the time when you think about me. I bet you were doing it again today? Thinking about the girl with the rich dad coming to your place?"
He couldn't lie to her. Not in this intimate moment. Not while looking right into her eyes. "Yes," he said, feeling ashamed of it now. "I wish I wasn't, but I was. Something just changed though, when you said what you said about this place. I felt it. That money stuff isn't going to be a thing from now on."
"I believe you," she said, holding him even tighter for a second. Then she let him go, and the intimate moment passed with some humour. "You know, it's polite to take a guest's coat when they come in. Being so rich and sophisticated, I expect the best treatment."
Having managed to put his insecurities aside, Jay was able to respond in kind. "Very sorry, ma'am. I'm not used to having such distinguished guests."
Erin giggled as she took her leather jacket off. She handed it to him and he moved over to the front door. There were some coat hooks on the wall near it.
"I'll put it on one of my stylish hooks for you."
She giggled again, obviously enjoying herself. That made Jay happy. He figured he ought to show her the rest of the apartment, not that there was much of it.
"Would you like to see the rest of the place? Then I can get some coffee brewing," he offered.
"Sounds good."
Jay noticed that although she had taken her jacket off, and his place was quite warm, she had left her gloves on. She really did enjoy wearing them. Clearly she felt comfortable enjoying that around him, knowing he wouldn't judge. And she felt sexy. Maybe turned on. In turn, that made him think about being able to tie her up. Maybe tonight would be the night he would get to do that? He wasn't going to push it though. She knew what he wanted, and would allow it when she was ready. He went back over to her and said something in the spur of the moment.
"Maybe we can go on a little shopping trip tomorrow before you go home? I bet we can find plenty of sexy gloves in Chicago."
"Oh, Jay," she gasped in excitement. "You do know the right things to say. I'm so glad we're open about our odd kinks."
"I figure everyone has one, or more," he said with a shrug. "Besides, leather gloves are sexy. I'm not going to argue with you about it that's for sure."
"Glad you think so." She put her hands on his cheeks and kissed him fully on the lips. The soft leather against his skin did feel nice.
"So that's a yes for tomorrow?"
"It's a big yes." Erin bit her bottom lips. "A shopping trip with my man especially for gloves? I'm turned on already. Big time."
"Me too," he assured her. But he felt like suggesting jumping straight into bed wasn't the right thing to do. It was one of those moments where he wished he had more relationship experience. Should he? Or should he not? He decided not to. "Let me, uh, give you the rest of the tour."
It didn't take long. There was only the bathroom and the bedroom to see, and there was nothing remarkable about either of them. They were soon in the kitchen, where he got the coffee machine going. He needed something to talk about that wasn't sex or work. Dinner. That was a good topic.
"So, I don't know what you like when you go out to eat? What kind of restaurants, I mean. There's a steakhouse not too far from here. I made a reservation. It's kind of an upmarket place. The food is real nice and the service is good." According to the reviews online, he didn't add. He had never actually been there.
"Steak works," she said with a smile. "Sounds great, actually. Reminds of that night dad sent us to one. I brought a nice dress in case there was a chance to dress up, too."
"That's a plan then. I like the idea of dressing up a bit." Looking at his best, with beautiful Erin on his arm, appealed to his ego. While he made the coffee, he dragged out the dinner subject by asking about what she would like to get at the steakhouse.
Drinks in hand, they went over to the couch and sat down. Jay was starting to feel stressed again. His social awkwardness was driving him crazy. Why couldn't he think of something to talk to his girl about? What did other people talk about all the time? Happily, Erin handled it for him.
"What do you watch on that big ass TV when you're home?" she asked him. Unlike him, she seemed totally at ease, and conversation came easily to her. He envied that so much.
"Erin, what is it about me that you actually like?" he blurted out. "I mean, you're kind, compassionate, funny, intelligent and beautiful. Any man on this planet would be lucky to be with you. But me? What do you see in me?"
"Oh, Jay," she said, taking his hand and squeezing it. "You're all of those things and more. You're kind and compassionate. You're so much fun to be around. You hide it behind your shyness, but I see clear as day what kind of person you are. I'm always so happy when I'm with you. When I'm not with you, I'm lonely the whole time. It's like part of me is missing. You're the person I want to share my heart and my life with. I never thought someone could make me feel this happy. Never thought I could just be me, and be happy. The man of my dreams, that's what I see in you."
"Oh my god," Jay said quietly, grabbing hold of her and holding her tighter than she was probably comfortable with. He was totally taken aback that she felt all those things about him. But there was no doubt in his mind about her sincerity. With her, he had found something he had never believed he could have. And she had found the same thing with him. That meant they were both truly lucky.
"I know you're happy, Jay, but I need to breathe," Erin croaked, exaggerating how tight his hold was.
He let go straight away. "Sorry. I'm just... I don't know what to say. Seems like that's often the case. It's so damn annoying."
Erin rested her head on his shoulder and put an arm around him. It was a very loving embrace. "You're making amazing progress, Jay. Don't let yourself think otherwise."
He kissed the top of her head. "Only because of you."
"No. Because of us. Together. We're strong together."
He kissed her head again, and echoed the words that seemed so important. Life-changingly important. "We're strong together."
A/N: Jay's fears of Erin hating his apartment were predictably unfounded. She actually liked it, and understood its simplicity.
The bond between them continues to strengthen, and as it does, it helps Jay with his demons and his growth as a person. How will he handle taking her out on the date to the steakhouse?