Waiting to hear back from Petra made the week feel twice as long as usual. By the start of the second week of the loop, Liv was pulling out all the stops to avoid tearing her hair out. Logically, she knew that there was no way to rush the Techeuns' response. But it was difficult to think logically now that she knew she was walking around with an Ahamkara tethered to her consciousness. An Ahamkara who had been tellingly silent throughout her exchanges with Riven and Petra.

It was speaking to her again, but it didn't feel the same. Their conversations were short and stilted, especially on her end. Every comment the Ahamkara made had her questioning what its goal was. Why had it chosen her? What did their connection entail?

Liv knew she had promised to keep Petra informed, but there wasn't really much to inform on. Nothing new had happened and the Ahamkara hadn't said anything in response to what Riven and Petra had told her. She didn't believe it was for lack of words, given that, up until her talk with Riven, the Ahamkara had no shortage of things to say. Therefore, the only reason that made any sense to her as to why it wouldn't talk about their connection was that whatever it said had to be something it knew she wouldn't like to hear.

It wasn't a pleasant thought, which was why she was trying her hardest not to dwell on it. Currently, that meant concentrating on navigating the Ascendant Realm and not dying to the Taken that kept popping up in her path.

Every week of the curse loop brought a different foray into the Ascendant Realm for one reason or another. Same old version of "go here, fight enemy" that made up the song and dance of Guardian life, only with the additional fun twist of having to jump between unstable rocks, disappearing islands, and other treacherous terrains to get to said enemy. All with the added threat of plunging into a bottomless void which, as Liv knew from experience, was not a pleasant way to die.

However, the vast wealth of experience afforded by the time loop meant that even these expeditions grew tedious, to the point where they no longer required full concentration. All in all, Liv would rate it a four out of ten in terms of good distraction methods.

She shot down a few more Taken. "You know, the least you can do is talk to me," she remarked snappishly.

" I do talk to you," replied Rhys, "In fact, I distinctly remember you telling me to stop talking to you so much while on missions."

Liv rolled her eyes. "That was because you kept scanning every little thing we came across and insisted on telling me about it… Anyway, I wasn't talking to you."

"I see… So you'd rather talk to an Ahamkara than your own Ghost." Her Ghost's voice was sardonic.

She remained silent, knowing better than to engage. Rhys was hoping to bait her into arguing with him, either out of boredom or because he was worried about her. Probably both.

The Ahamkara sighed. "What do you want me to say?" it asked, "You're the one who's stopped wanting to talk to me."

"Yeah, 'cause you're not giving me any straight answers!"

"Ah yes, because we Ahamkara are known for giving straight answers." Its voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"Not that you've even given me an indirect answer," she grumbled.

"I have my reasons."

"And those are?"

It remained silent.

Liv groaned. "See? That's exactly what I'm talking about! Whenever I ask you anything, you refuse to reply. It's like talking to a wall… An unhelpful wall."

"That implies the existence of helpful walls."

"The Wall of Wishes can be helpful," Rhys put in.

Liv was about to reply when her brain caught up with her ears. "Wh- Rhys, did you just reply to it?" she demanded, "Did you hear what it said?!"

"Holy Traveler, did I?!" Rhys' voice was high-pitched with shock. "I wasn't even thinking, I just heard the comment about walls!"

"Holy shit," hissed Liv.

"Oh, so the sentient ball can hear me now?" The Ahamkara didn't sound enthusiastic in the slightest. "Wonderful."

"Traveler above, I can hear it!" exclaimed Rhys, "What does this mean?"

Liv just shook her head. Before talking to Riven and Petra, she would have been relieved at the development as it would have meant that she was no longer alone in hearing the voice. But now she knew the source of the voice was an Ahamkara — a historically cunning and manipulative creature — the revelation brought her no comfort. If anything, her sense of dread increased because surely this constituted "getting worse" in Petra's book. Rhys would probably come to the same conclusion on his own once he got over the initial excitement of finally being able to hear it.

Keeping her tone light, she said, "Great, now you two can have conversations in my head." She sighed. "I enjoyed sleeping while it lasted, I guess."

"Your Ghost is not exactly at the top of my list for conversation companions," said the Ahamkara.

"Oh yeah?" said Rhys, "Well, right back at you!"

"Please don't turn this into an argument," said Liv, "I really don't need a headache right now... I'm just glad I no longer have to- WHAT IN LIGHT'S FUCKING NAME IS THAT?!"

She caught a glimpse of something ahead of her — a huge scaly form with glowing eyes crouching across the path. She only saw it for an instant, but the sight sent her stumbling backward. Her heel caught on a stone and she fell, landing heavily on her back. She lay there for a solid minute, heart thundering in her chest as she stared at the empty space where the creature had been a second before.

"What is it?! What happened?" Rhys materialized above her, scanning the area frantically.

"I… I saw something." Her voice was unsteady as she tried to process what she'd seen. The lighting of the Ascendant Realm was uncertain, but she knew she had seen something. Something had been there.

"What did you see?" he asked.

Liv shook her head. "It was huge. It had glowing eyes… I saw four eyes so maybe there were two of them?" She shuddered slightly. "It just vanished. Like one second it was there and the next it wasn't… I've never seen anything do that before. It wasn't like the Vex or the Taken."

"I think I might be able to help in this case," said the Ahamkara.

Liv took a few long breaths to slow her racing heart as she got to her feet, brushing herself off. "What do you mean? Did you see it too?"

"I believe you may have caught a glimpse of my form."

Her eyes widened. "That… that was you?! Why haven't I seen you before? Was that the first time you showed yourself? Did you always look like that?"

"I didn't show you anything," it replied, "You saw me on your own. As for my form… I can choose to look however I please. This form is a preference of mine."

"And you didn't say anything?!"

"You couldn't see me until now. It didn't seem necessary."

She shook her head in disbelief. "Well, that fucking ends now! As soon as I get out of the Ascendant Realm, you have some explaining to do. And this time you won't get away with dodging my questions, got it?"

"I'm sure we can come to an arrangement," it said.

She didn't think she liked the way it said that. Once more, she was reminded that it was, in fact, an Ahamkara that she was dealing with. They were notorious for their trickery. If she wanted to ensure she got the answers she was after, she would have to be on guard against its manipulations.

Liv was all too happy to leave the Ascendant Plane behind once she reached the exit portal. Normally, she tried to make a game out of her exploits on those missions by tracking her kill counts, trying to beat her previous completion time, or only using certain weapons. Today, she had no desire for any of that. Her thoughts were entirely preoccupied with the new developments in her… situation.

Now Rhys could hear the Ahamkara and it was no longer a formless voice in her head — apparently, it had never been, but she wasn't ready to go digging into what that meant.

As soon as she was out, Liv promptly found one of the towering cliff formations that were so common around the Dreaming City and clambered up until she found a ledge that was decently large and flat enough to sit on. It was dangerous to remain idle at ground level, given the volume of enemy patrols.

She drew a breath to prepare herself for whatever lay ahead. No conversation with an Ahamkara was an uneventful one, and she was sure it would try to bait her into making a wish as Riven had.

"Alright, let's hear it," said Liv, "Why are you here, what do you want, and why could my Ghost only now start hearing you?"

"I'm not about to be interrogated without something in return," the Ahamkara huffed, "If I am to be honest with you, it's only fair that you are honest with me as well."

Liv narrowed her eyes, wondering what it might have to gain from asking questions of its own. Nothing presented itself. After all, it wasn't as though she had any special knowledge compared to other Guardians. And anyway, she was sure to get far more out of its answers than it would out of hers.

"Fine," she agreed, "I'll answer your questions too."

"Very well," it said, "Ask your question."

"What's your name?"

She had originally intended on starting with the more pressing questions about how it came to be and what its intentions were, but she realized that she had never gotten its name. She had no delusions about recognizing the name upon hearing it, but maybe Petra or one of the Techeuns would. And even if they didn't, it could provide grounds to search for more information.

"Janus," the Ahamkara replied.

Janus. As Liv suspected, the name held no recognition for her. All the same, at least she had something more to call it than "the Ahamkara" or "the voice in my head."

"Now my question," said Janus, "Have you met many of my kind before?"

That was an easy one.

"No," she responded simply, "Riven was the first." And the last, or so she had thought. "How did you get into my head?" It was one of the biggest questions on her mind.

The Ahamkara hummed. "You'll be surprised to know it was you who granted me entry." Liv bristled at the words and Janus, as if sensing her protest, continued. "You were not aware of it at the time," he said, "But you granted it all the same… Do you recall finding an Awoken storage device in the Confluence?"

It took her a second to figure out what Janus was referring to. "Do you mean the device I interfaced with after coming back from visiting Riven?"

"Was that what you were doing?" They sounded mildly surprised. "I had no idea your visits to her were a regular occurrence."

"They aren't," said Liv irritably, realizing that she'd given away more than she'd meant to. "Answer my question."

"I am… When you interfaced with that device, you opened your mind to anything inside. However, it did not contain an old record, as you assumed. It contained me... By interfacing with it, you allowed me into your mind."

Her eyes widened. It made sense. Awoken interfaces didn't work like the City terminals. They were two-way streets. As the user interfaced, they opened their mind to the information contained within. She had never heard of them being used to contain a living consciousness before, but anything was possible as far as Awoken technology went.

"Why were you put there?" she asked.

"I believe it's my turn to ask the question," said Janus.

She glared but grudgingly relented. "Fine."

"Why were you visiting Riven that day — the day you found me?"

Liv tensed. She hadn't made the conscious decision to visit Riven that day, nor did she particularly want to be reminded of what had carried her there in the first place.

"I wound up there on accident," she said. It was close enough to the truth.

Janus hummed disappointedly. "I hardly think that counts as a complete answer."

"Fine!" snapped Liv, "I was upset and I ended up there. Happy?"

"I suppose… As for your question regarding my containment, I was imprisoned there long ago by the Awoken after my physical form was slain… Why were you upset?"

She didn't have to ask what it meant by the question, though she did grit her teeth as she replied. "...I learned that one of my friends died."

"Ah," said the Ahamkara, "I am familiar with that pain. I lost a great many kindred in what you Guardians now call the Great Hunt… It was that event that drove my species to the brink of extinction."

"I wasn't a part of that." Liv couldn't help but sound slightly defensive in response to the subtle undertones of accusation she heard in Janus' voice. "And they had their reasons for hunting the Ahamkara."

"Oh, I'm sure they did." Strangely enough, Janus didn't sound overly bitter about it. "Reasons can be found to justify any number of atrocities. Though I will admit that the Guardians were not wholly unprovoked."

"And what provoked the Awoken to imprison you?" Liv demanded.

"Perhaps I granted too many of the wrong wishes," said Janus, "Or too many of the right ones… How should I know? It was hardly anything like the wrongdoings of Azirim — nothing that would live on in infamy… Maybe, little Guardian, it was nothing at all. Maybe the Awoken imprisoned me for the sole reason that I did not align myself with them as Huginn and Muninn did, or bind myself to their Queen as Riven did… At any rate, the Awoken are well aware that the consciousnesses of Ahamkara extend beyond death, and it was a small matter for those dreadful witches — the Techeuns — to bind me into a data storage device."

Liv wasn't sure what to make of that. She didn't doubt the capabilities of the Awoken. Binding a conscious mind into a data storage unit was a concept that sounded absolutely ludicrous in any other setting. But during her time in the Dreaming City, she had learned that the Awoken often did things that stretched beyond the expected. Truthfully, she was starting to feel a bit sorry for the Ahamkara. She still wasn't thrilled that they had taken up residence in her head, but trapping a living being inside a computer for Light knew how long seemed a bit much.

"I'm sorry," she told Janus, "That sounds rough."

"Sympathy, Guardian?" The Ahamkara sounded surprised. "Out of all the reactions I could have expected, that was not one that graced my thoughts."

"Look, we're not friends," Liv grumbled, "So don't go thinking I want to be… Being trapped in a data storage device just sounds shitty, that's all."

"Oh, believe me, I have no delusions about our relationship," said Janus, "Your head is marginally preferable to the storage device… Now, I believe it's my turn to ask another question. What was it we were discussing before my imprisonment?" Liv stayed silent in the hopes that the Ahamkara would pick a new subject. Her attempt was futile, however, because Jaus remembered only a few moments later. "Ah, that's right… We were discussing your friend. The one who died… How did they die?"

Her jaw clenched. This was far and away the very last subject she wanted to be talking about, but she still had a few questions that she wanted to ask and she knew Janus wouldn't answer them unless she reciprocated.

"He was killed by another Guardian," she snapped, "And before you ask for more details, I only learned about it recently, so if you want a full breakdown of the circumstances, go talk to someone else."

"I see…" Janus sounded thoughtful. "I did not think Guardians were ones to easily kill their own kindred — not permanently, at least."

"Did the Ahamkara kill each other?" Liv asked, moved by sudden curiosity.

"Certainly," Janus replied, "We had as many quarrels and conflicts amongst each other as any other race. The trick was being able to recognize when you were fighting an Ahamkara more powerful than yourself."

"Is it true that granting wishes grows an Ahamkara's power?"

Janus' voice carried an amused edge. "That is two questions, Livayla Marko… I will answer both, but I will expect you to return the favor when I ask my questions."

Liv bit the inside of her cheek in annoyance. In her curiosity, she had forgotten about the terms they'd set down. She nodded stiffly.

"Very well… The answer is yes, it is true. By granting wishes, we can increase our power. The more potent the wish, the more powerful we become. That, in some ways, was the cause of the Great Hunt. Guardians sought us out to make wishes and gain knowledge, but we sought them out, in turn, to grow more powerful."

"And twist the wishes," said Liv derisively.

"I cannot deny it," said Janus simply, "But nothing that comes without a price is worth having. Now, my questions… First, I am sorry about your friend. I hope you were at least able to see him before his death."

She narrowed her eyes, not liking how much Janus was pressing the issue of Harley's death. But the sympathy in his voice sounded genuine.

"Actually, I didn't," she said bitterly, "I hadn't seen him for months. I was on Mars when he flew out to the Reef, and once he returned to the Tower, I was already here."

"That is, indeed, unfortunate," said the Ahamkara, "If I may ask, what was his business on the Reef?"

She frowned. The conversation was verging in a direction she liked no more than the last one. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she said, "He was out here hunting Uldren Sov and the Scorned Barons."

"Uldren Sov?" Janus sounded surprised. "What did your friend want with the Awoken Prince?"

Liv scowled. "That's more than two questions."

"My first remark was a statement of sympathy," said Janus, "I did not ask you for information."

Her scowl grew deeper. Clearly, the Ahamkara's propensity for clever words was not left out in Janus.

"Revenge," she bit out, "Uldren killed someone — another one of my friends."

The Ahamkara hummed sympathetically. "I'm sorry… It seems you've been having quite the run of bad luck of late."

"You don't fucking say," Liv snarked, "...Now I get to ask a question. Why can Rhys suddenly hear you when he couldn't before? And why was I able to see you back there?"

"One could make the argument that those are two questions," said Janus. Liv said nothing, letting her expression do the talking. The Ahamkara seemed to realize that it was pushing things. "However, I'm feeling generous, so I will treat it as one question."

It paused for a moment as if it were getting its thoughts together, which threw her off a little — Ahamkara weren't known for their conscientiousness.

"The bond between us is strengthening," Janus explained, "It's not unlike the bond between you and your Ghost — the longer we spend together, the stronger it becomes."

"Neural symbiosis," said Rhys, "That's the term we use for Ghosts and Guardians… Not sure if I would use it for your stowaway, Liv. 'Parasite' would suit it better."

"Call it whatever you want," said the Ahamkara, "it doesn't change the fact that the bond is progressive. You managed to catch a glimpse of me — in one of my forms, at least — and now that you have, I can only imagine that you'll begin to see me more often."

"Oh great," said Liv sarcastically, "It wasn't enough to have a voice in my head, now I'm gonna have to pretend not to see you when I'm around other people."

She was also wondering about the final stage of the "bond." Progression implied that it was progressing toward something, so what was the end goal? Did it stop at seeing the Ahamkara, or was there more to it? That was going to be her next question, but she knew she would have to let Janus have their turn first.

"Alright," she said, "Ask your question."

"In a rush, are we? Very well… I just wanted to confirm something. The friend of yours that the prince killed, was he the infamous Cayde?"

Liv's eyes widened. Then her expression was overtaken by suspicion. "How did you know that?"

"Please. I can hear, you know. I've heard his name mentioned by you, your Ghost, and Petra Venj. It was not a difficult connection to make."

"And that was your question?" She raised her eyebrows disbelievingly.

"Yes. Would you rather me ask another?"

"No, no, it's fine," she replied hastily. The fewer questions prying into her grief, the better. "And my question for you is: what's the endgame here? What happens when the bond is fully progressed?"

There was a brief pause.

"I'm afraid I'm not certain," said Janus.

As with its other answers, Liv had been prepared to take it at face value. But something in the Ahamkara's words, or in its tone, made her hesitate. She got the sudden conviction that Janus was lying to her. That it did know what the final result would be. And if it knew and wasn't telling her, that could only mean that Janus knew she wouldn't like what it had to say.

"I thought we agreed," she said through gritted teeth, "not to lie to each other, Janus."

The Ahamkara said nothing, which to her was more telling than any excuse it could have given.

Eventually, Janus spoke. "Tell me this, Livayla Marko… If you had the chance to wish your friends back to life, would you?"

Liv blinked, taken aback. Would she wish Harley and Cayde back to life if she could? She missed them both so much. But she was also very aware of who — of what — she was talking to. Ahamkara thrived on granting wishes. One little slip-up was all it would take to put her under Janus' power.

"No," she said, ignoring the ache in her chest.

The Ahamkara's voice curled with amusement. "It seems we both have things we're dishonest about."

Liv rose to her feet. "We're done here," she said icily.

She turned and stepped off of the ledge into empty space, pretending that the whistling of the air drowned out Janus' laughter.

A/N: Apologies again for the late update! I was away all day yesterday to celebrate my grandfather's 82nd birthday (his actual birthday is on Halloween which is cool af).

We finally have a name to put to the voice! Janus is the Ancient Roman god of doorways/transitions/beginnings/endings/etc. Multiple pronouns are used to refer to the Ahamkara, including it/they/she/he, so don't be surprised if Janus' pronouns change between chapters/scenes.

See you next week!