Disclaimer: This entire story contains topics such a suicide, depression, anxiety, bullying, etc. I suggest not reading if easily triggered.
Chapter 4:
I heaved a sigh of relief at the door slamming shut. It wasn't until the sound of his cruiser pulled away from the house did I fully relax.
For sure, I thought he would have said something about the Cullens. It's not like we're invited to dinners everyday of the week. But he didn't and I waited and waited and then he left and now I was alone. Was it luck or just an unfortunate coincidence?
The entire interaction with the Cullens was just strange. Our only close relationship with others was the Black family in La Push which consisted of fishing, cookouts, and drinking.
We were not the type to dress in formal wear and dine with the uppercrests of society. The only respect to the Swan family name was my father, but even then, it was a scared sort of respect for the man with a gun and me, the strange girl who couldn't utter more than a few sentences at a time.
For how much everyone had avoided me like the plague, it just didn't make sense, all this new found attention. Either the world had turned on its shoulders and we had entered an alternate universe or I was being pranked and bullied and everyone but me was in on it.
While Mrs. Cullen appeared sincere, her children had no reason to willingly interact with me outside of her presence.
That's what made it confusing.
I left shortly after, bumping along the road in my truck that seemed to be on its last breath of air. Everyone and everything was wet as I weaved my way through the crowded halls appearing as small as possible. No one seemed to notice and I made it to safety, tucked away in the back corner of the library away from prying eyes. The best thing about the library was that it was practically empty and hardly ever frequented. The perfect place to disappear.
Ignoring the shrill ring of the bell I got comfortable, my knees curled up to my chest and book in one hand. My heart beat unsteady, unable to hide the nerves. I was skipping class.
Biology.
I'd never skipped in my life but in this moment, I just couldn't be bothered to deal with Edward Cullen. It was stupid. I know. And perhaps if I just told him to leave me alone he would but I was too much of a chicken to confront the boy.
So I hid where no one would find me.
Hopefully it would stay that way.
ooOoo
Skipping two classes was two too many. That's how I found myself in History dreading the arrival of the short pixie.
But she never showed. Nor did Jasper and that's how it went for the next few days: skipping Biology, the mysterious disappearance of the Cullen girl and refuge in the library.
I wish it could stay this simple but reality was a pain in the ass.
The bell had yet to ring as I made my way through the deserted halls. It was the one time I could breathe easy, not completely mobbed by others who treated me like an annoying fly on the wall.
Disappearing into the background was easy enough if you just kept your head down and mouth shut. It's how most of the days went usually but of course once again, the universe decided that would not be the case.
I froze entering the locker room, intense ice blue eyes stopping me in my tracks.
Rosalie Hale.
Possibly the most beautiful girl in the world, she looked me up and down. Her lips pursed together in a thinly veiled anger. Blonde, skinny and popular, everyone either wanted to be her or be with her. She terrified me. No; Rosalie terrified a lot of people. Her personality was as blunt and cold as her eyes and was not afraid to say what was on her mind.
I opened my mouth to speak but there were no words.
She'd never paid attention to me before. This was weird. Abnormal. Confusing. Perhaps I should just leave. Gym was the one class I didn't feel bad about skipping.
It could've been seconds or minutes. I don't know. I was frozen in place.
"What are you, mute?"
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.
I wasn't mute, I wasn't! How the fuck was I supposed to respond to that?
Her lips, pink and plump, curved up into a cruel smirk. I steeled myself, half expecting Jessica or one of the other cronies like Tanya or Lauren to pop out from the shadows and attack.
They were the lions and I was the lamb prepared for slaughter.
The others would come soon no doubt. I had to get out of here. Now.
"I'm just saying what everyone thinks. It's kind of pathetic. You can't even stand up for yourself."
Was it hot in here? Or was it just me…
My breaths became shallow and heavy the longer she stared.
"I-I-I…"
The words were stuck at the back of my throat. I looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
Speak Bella! Say something! Anything!
"Relax." she ordered. "You're gonna work yourself up into a panic attack."
Relax? Really, re-relax? How the fuck could she tell me to just relax?
Her lips continued to move. No words. No sound.
"… for whatever reason and you were a bitch. Alice is a nice girl. I'd think before the next time you speak."
Wait what? I held my breath, my heart nearly bursting from my chest
The room was spinning.
Round and round and round.
Before I'd been standing but now I was sinking. I slid down to the ground, my head in my knees.
There were the faintest sounds of footsteps. Voices.
But I couldn't move. Instead I faded away.
Oooo
Forks General Hospital was a small two-story brick building with more rooms than patients to fill in this wet town. That was the running joke which of course was less a joke than it was reality.
I hated the hospital. The smell of disinfectant made me nauseous and I wanted nothing more than to rip the damn needle out of my hand.
Me and needles did not go well together.
I do not know how long I was out, but it must have been a considerable amount of time to end up in the emergency room. How it had even gotten to this point just exemplified how fucked up I was. There wasn't another chance to think because suddenly the white curtain was pulled open.
A man in a white lab coat appeared with a clipboard and a smile on his face. Slicked back blonde hair, lean and concerned blue eyes… Dr. Cullen.
We were well acquainted, trust me.
"My my, if it isn't Miss Bella. We meet again. Welcome back to the living, I hoped I wouldn't see you again so soon." he joked cautiously in a soft and soothing tone.
The perfect bedside manner.
A pitying smile played at his lips and his expression couldn't be ignored. Concern. Worry. You name it…
The thing about Dr. Cullen was that he had a friendly and open persona. He could put you at ease no matter what and that's why I hated him.
It would be easy if he were an awful doctor and horrible human being but he was freakin perfect in every annoyingly possible way just like his family.
"Your father is here, filling out some paperwork. He should be back shortly."
That caught my surprise. He'd been gone the past few days dealing with the case.
"How are you feeling, Bella?"
I brushed my throat with my hand, an indication of my silence. Riddled with exhaustion I couldn't talk even if I wanted to.
He understood immediately.
Dr. Cullen was a good doctor and being a Harvard graduate he could've gone and worked anywhere. But he chose Forks. A little nowhere town with a mediocre hospital in desperate need of renovation.
"I'll ask you yes and no questions for now. Just shake or nod your head. Does that sound alright with you?"
Yes. I nodded my head.
Flipping to the next page, he clicked the pen. He was calm and collected like the few times I'd seen of Edward. Despite their obvious difference in appearance their personalities almost mirrored one another.
"Do you remember what happened, Bella?"
My brows furrowed, lip slipping between my teeth as my eyes narrowed in concentration.
The locker rooms.
Rosalie.
Confrontation.
What happened after that… I did not know.
He was looking at me, patiently waiting for a response I could not give. He knew the answer, I'm sure, but this was part of the stupid exam.
Rosalie was his son's girlfriend. The big one, Emmett. I couldn't rat her out for giving me a panic attack because he'd probably side with her.
I shrugged. It's the best I could do.
"You had another panic attack," he sighed. "Rosalie Hale found you in the gym locker rooms and you were brought to the school nurse. Do you remember any of this?"
No. I lied, shaking my head. My hands formed into fists, unease growing in my stomach.
She was lying about what happened.
But it was my fault I couldn't handle a simple conversation.
And apparently it was about Alice. Dr. Cullen wouldn't feel pity for me then if he knew what I'd done.
"You didn't hit your head but your body's been through a tiring ordeal. Are you having any shortness of breath?" he voiced in concern.
Before? Yes.
Now? No.
"Are you experiencing any dizziness or nausea?
No.
"Are you…"
I zoned out. It was the same list of questions asked every single time and each time it was the same response. Dr. Cullen was annoyingly thorough, I'll give him that. Nothing got past him.
"Bella," he sat down at the edge of the bed, frowning as he placed the clipboard down. "Your father and I are very worried. This is the fourth panic attack you've had in the last few weeks. You're dissociating and having memory problems- you don't even remember driving home from the supermarket your father says. You haven't been like this since last year-"
Don't say it. Not again!
"… your mother and stepfather…"
No! My head whipped up, eyes ablaze as a guttural noise came from my throat.
Dr. Cullen flinched, shock running through his pale face at my reaction. He knew it was a sensitive topic so why did he bring it up? The man wasn't stupid.
"Bella, I don't mean to hurt you," he spoke softly. "But your behavior as of recently is concerning and your father is at a loss of what to do. There is no shame in needing extra support. Sometimes when there is increased stress such as at school or a change in routine, it can be difficult to handle. I understand what you're going through-"
I scoffed, tears burning at the back of my eyes. How the fuck could he know anything?
"We all go through challenges in life; every family, including mine. I understand more than you'd think." His voice was just a whisper.
There was a faraway look in his eye. Hurt and pain? Yes, definitely pain.
"Anyway's," he cleared his throat. "I've just got to do a quick exam, to make sure everything is really alright. It shouldn't take long."
OoOoo
Physically, I was healed. Mentally, Dr. Cullen had many reservations that my father seemed to agree with. Listening intently, their voices carried from the other side of the curtain. He was concerned when he really didn't need to be and Charlie believed every exaggeration that dripped from his mouth.
"I'm worried, Charlie. She may not be at risk like before but these panic attacks and blackouts, they're occurring too frequently. I'm afraid whatever is causing them could become too much for her-"
"What are you saying?" There was a desperate undertone to his voice. "Before, that was one time. My daughter's not suicidal-"
"Charlie, your daughter is not well. I'm going to be blunt with you. Her therapist informed me she's not following through with assignments and has become increasingly distanced these past few months." Dr. Cullen stated firmly leaving no room for argument.
My dad was silent.
I waited, holding my breath for as long as I could.
"I don't want to tell you how to parent but I don't think it's a good idea for her to constantly be alone. I understand you're working a big case at the moment but she needs some companionship, it's not healthy. If you can't be at home, perhaps there are some friends she could stay with?"
No. I shook my head. It's not fair, it really wasn't. I could take care of myself but for whatever reason everyone was so quick to label me mentally unstable. So what if I hadn't been doing great lately? Everyone goes through rough patches. I wasn't going to off myself… not like last time. That… that was a one time thing. I'm not a suicidal person. Suicidal people actually need help and need to be watched over.
I was not like them.
I was different.
But nobody believed me.
"I…" Charlie trailed off. "Y-you're right. I can't get time off work, that's not even in question. She could always go to La Push, the Blacks are close family friends."
Was he actually considering this? I couldn't fucking believe it. I was sixteen fucking years old! The last thing I needed was a babysitter.
Fuck Dr. Cullen and his stupid opinions.
"Yes, that sounds like a good plan." He agreed. "On the other hand, are we still on for tonight? I understand if after today you want to cancel…"
Shit. The dinner was tonight. Well now now I could no longer avoid Edward. If he said something… Charlie couldn't find out I'd been skipping. He may just murder me.
"No, we're still coming, of course. It was kind of Esme for the invitation."
Fuck.
"I'm just happy we were able to find Alice in time," he gulped. "She's doing better now, is she?"
"Good and bad days," Dr. Cullen sighed. "You know how it is."
What the hell were they going on about? Alice again? Had something happened to her?
If there had been an accident we would've heard about it. Gossip spread around town before you could even blink. That girl had everything anyone could ever want: popularity, beauty, a boyfriend, friends… I'd never seen her without a smile, except well, last time. A person that happy could not be faking it.
What had happened?
OoOoo
Author's Note:
Hello everyone! Apologies for the horrendously late update! I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you to all those who've read and commented and favorited, I really appreciate it. I love seeing reviews, it encourages me to keep writing! Please review if you haven't! I'm not sure when the next time I'll post will be but I promise this story is not abandoned!