Chapter 57
Abby sat watching the screen. She didn't like it, but there was nothing that she could do from where she was. She just hoped that Clarke and the rest of them had found adequate shelter from the storm. Of course, she didn't know what that meant. In all her lives, she'd never been on the ground to experience anything more than heavy thunderstorm, and that was fantastic for her. She wasn't sure that she would be able to handle what all a hurricane could entail.
Kane came into the room. He knew why she was upset. He was as well. They'd lost communications with the delinquents the day before. Clarke had assured them that they would be safe from the storm. He had to believe her. Abby did, too, but she didn't have to like it. She knew just as well as Kane and Sinclair that Raven took down the radio to protect it. They knew that the rain and wind were going to be bad, but Abby had hoped to speak to them through the storm to ease the ache in her hear.
Clarke reminded her of the one time that she had to help Clarke do surgery on Finn. It wasn't pleasant and they could barely hear each other. Clarke had been stressed the entire time, but Abby was down right going nuts. She wanted to help her baby. She wanted forgiveness. She could careless about Finn. The boy had been a thorn in their sides. Sure, he had his moments, but they swung from good to bad.
Abby was glad that they were safe and with the Grounders, but that didn't mean that she was completely happy. She wanted to be with Clarke. She knew that she had to wait on the Ark, though. She had to help Kane. She had to make sure that things went a certain way, and they got as many as they could to the ground. She knew that they needed the Grounders to help them find the bunkers and man them. She knew that Lexa needed their help in keeping the bunkers running, but it didn't mean that she had to like it. They needed each other.
She shook her head. She knew that this Kane wasn't going to have to do the soul searching that the others had, like she had. She knew that Lexa was their best bet at survival. She also hated the fact that they had to sacrifice anyone. She was like Clarke in that respect. She understood that some lives would have to be forfeit, but the doctor side of her wanted to find a way to save them all. The hardest part of it all was sitting with Kane and Sinclair in her quarters as they made the lists to break up the Ark. Moving engineers, farmers, medical staff, and mechanics to each of the sections was a call that she hoped to never have to make. She could explain to Kane fully why she wouldn't allow certain people on the the stations that she knew would survive, but she couldn't to Sinclair. The hardest part of it all was making the now head engineer, since her husband's death, rank all the mechanics and engineers under him without a complete reasoning. She let him think that it was his ranking that broke them up, but it was only a small part of it. She had Raven, Octavia, and Clarke reminding her many times who would betray them once they were on the ground.
Kane watched her. He knew what was plaguing her mind. He wasn't happy about it, but he got it. For them to survive, the chaff would have to be let go.
"It is hard being the one that had to make those decisions," he told her as she looked over the lists again.
Not much had changed from the last time that they met about them. She studied them over and over again. She moved Callie twice. Callie hadn't made it this far before and she knew that Kane didn't know that. She was smart. She was good with the computers, too. She was also a member of the security forces. She wasn't as high as Kane, but she was up there enough that she would be useful.
"Who are you stressing over?" Kane asked her as he sat down beside her.
"Callie."
"Why? She's one of your best friends. You made her Clarke's Godmother, too. Do you not want to save her?"
"I do."
"Then, why are you stressing about it so much?"
"Because she's still alive."
Kane stopped. He looked over at Abby. He hadn't wanted to believe her, but he couldn't doubt the blood. He also couldn't refute the things that she knew that she shouldn't have. Proving to him that Octavia was his daughter when the girl's DNA was barely in the computer helped some, too. But, it was her willingness to give him everything that he would need to get Sydney and all of her coup. It was even more evident when he found the bombs and Clarke told him to keep his mother from the Unity Day celebrations. Saving her made him believe Clarke's wild tales, but it was Abby being the living embodiment of them beside him on the Ark that cemented it. He jumped on the bandwagon and led it as needed so that Raven, Clarke, and Abby's plans happened. He learned quickly not to doubt the three of them together. But, this was different. He could feel it. Abby was torn.
"She's still alive?" Kane asked her.
"Yeah, she's never been around this far into any of the timelines, I lived."
"Why not?"
"She found a copy of Jake's message and threatened to air it. You couldn't let her do that. You signed the warrant yourself."
Kane reared back. Sure, Callie and he had a thing. He knew that Abby knew. It wasn't a big secret, but they weren't really public about it, either. They hadn't really declared their love for each other. It was like they were just using each other to scratch and itch, and they were both okay with that. But, something about what Abby had just told him made it seem like it was more.
"I signed her death warrant?"
"Yeah, but Jaha wouldn't let you carry it out. He wasn't that heartless. He was ruthless when needed, but he wasn't completely heartless."
"So, why are you so upset about it?"
"Because you and I got closer on the ground," Abby said as she threw the tablet on to console before her.
She closed her eyes. She didn't want the emotions to be there, but they were. She loved Jake. She would have done anything to protect him. She had, but she never guessed that Jaha would betray them both and sentence him to death. She should have, but like they say, hindsight is 20/20.
Now, she has the unique possibility of giving Callie back to Kane. It took months for her even to look at Kane in a way more than in disgust, but he had been her rock on the ground. He'd protected her on the Ark because she was their best doctor, and he knew that she was needed for their continued survival. It was the only reason that the entire Griffin family hadn't been executed. Clarke had just been waiting. It was an awful thing for them all, and unfortunately, Clarke had all that time to stew and hate her mother, her best friend, and Jaha himself. Abby had been kept away on purpose. Clarke had been in solitary, deemed to big of a risk, and they all knew that on the eighteenth birthday, she was going to be floated.
"Maybe this is my penance," Abby replied.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't save Jake, but I managed to save Callie. I can give her to you and make sure that she survives. You could have a family with her."
"And, what about you, Abby?"
"What about me?" she questioned as she turned to look him in the eyes again. "I went to my husband's bestfriend and begged him to not be the chancellor for twenty minutes while I told him what Jake was going to do. He was right though. Jake was. The people banded together and helped us figure this out faster than any other time. We needed that, but Theo was so worried about anarchy that he killed him. Everyone around him was a means to an end. He didn't care about anyone after his wife died. I get that now."
"So, you are going to punish yourself?"
"Is it punishment, though?" Abby asked as she stood up to leave. "I can't think about it anymore. I don't have the right to be selfish, Kane. Neither do you. Trust me on that, but you still have her. Be thankful for that."
She didn't wait for a response. She left. She knew that Clarke learned to appreciate Kane, but she was old enough that she didn't need him to play Dad. Clarke needed Jake. She needed Abby, too. So, Abby was determined to be the best that she could for Clarke. She would do whatever it was that was needed to make sure that Clarke and the rest of them survived. Besides, her daughter was Wanheda, the Commander of Death. She was going to surprise all of the Ark when they landed. Kane included, and honestly Abby couldn't wait.
She entered her quarters and went back to her bedroom. She was lost. Jake was gone. Clarke was on the ground, and she hadn't really kept Callie in the loop. The only people that she'd let know how serious the situation really was and what the kids on the ground were doing was Kane, Sinclair, and Guard Miller. She was doing a good job of hiding her pain, but she was still mourning. She lay down on her bed and stared up at gray ceiling. She willed the tears not to come, but she lost the battle.
"Abby?" a voice called out through the main door to the Griffin's residence.
She didn't move or answer it. She silently deflated more as she cursed Kane in her head. Of course, the first thing that he had done with her sudden revelation was speak with Callie and send her to Abby. She could hit him and thank him at the same time. But, she decided to hate him at the moment. Sad thing was that she knew that he would be okay with it as long Abby got what she needed. He cared for her now, even if it wasn't like it would be later.
"Abby?" Callie called out again as she moved through the quarters and finally to the bedroom door.
Abby didn't move, but she knew that Callie stopped in the doorway. She didn't move. She flicked her eyes slightly to make sure that she was right. She was.
"Hey," Callie said as she finally stepped through the door and towards the bed.
She moved over to the side that Abby was. She pushed the doctor closer to the middle of the bed and then climbed in behind her. She spooned her from behind as they both stared at the wall. This was a position that they were both way too familiar with over the last year. It was how Callie helped her through the grief of losing Jake and Clarke being locked up.
"What happened?" Callie asked her quietly.
"Clarke is on Earth."
"I know that," Callie replied.
"There is a hurricane baring down on them. I'm not with her. I can't talk to her. I won't know if she makes it until after the storm passes."
"Clarke is strong. She'll be okay. Marcus told me that Raven took down the radio to protect it. She's safe though. They knew to find shelter."
"I know."
"She's smart, too, Abby. She isn't going to do anything to endanger them. She's going to protect them all, and you know it. She's just like you and Jake in that respect. You have to trust in that," Callie told her.
"I know. I do, but that is also why I am afraid, too. She is too much like Jake. She likes to save everyone else at the cost of herself."
"And, what are you doing that is different?" Callie inquired.
"What are you talking about?"
"Come on, Abby, I'm not dumb. I've seen the lists. Don't think that I haven't. Marcus is a good man, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you are both trying to figure out. I know that Miller and Sinclair have been working with you as well. Trust me, I get it. I do. I'm not an idiot. I could have gone into engineering, remember? I chose to go into security though."
"Why haven't you said anything?"
"And, cause mass panic? That would be stupid. Telling that we need to go to the ground is one thing, Abby. Telling them all that only certain sections of the Ark are going to make to the ground and actually survive is another. You're culling, but it has a purpose."
"Does it?"
"Yes, it does. You're making sure that we survive the ground. Not everyone is going to make it. I think that we all know that, but separating the medical staff, the mechanics and the engineers is giving everyone hope."
"Those from Farm Station, too," Abby added through some tears, that finally broke through.
"You're keeping families together, though. You're making sure that the all the kids are on a section that should survive, I'm guessing. You wouldn't sentence them all to a fiery death. Anyone with sense would see it, but no one is really looking deeply at the lists. They are just studying who is with them on what section. We still have a week before the break up."
"We do."
"Marcus said something about me."
Abby tried to roll over, but Callie held her still.
"Abby, do what you need to do with me," Callie told her.
"You aren't going to beg me to save you?"
"Why would I do that? I know what is going on. I've figured it out. I'm high enough in the Guard that I'll give hope and security to a station. I know that you don't to let me go, but I don't have a family. Kane does. And, as much as I care for him, I'm not going to beg to be in his life. He has a daughter down there that may or may not need him, but I think that he deserves to know her."
"And, you don't?" Abby asked.
"She isn't mine. He claimed her to save her. We don't have kids. Obviously, I can't give them to him."
"She's sixteen, Callie. You still have time. You could..."
"Do I though? Do I still have time?" Callie questioned. "There is something that you aren't telling me, and part of me wants to know what it is. The other part doesn't. I know that you have your reasons, but I want you to know that I'll be okay if you can't save me, Abby. I'll be okay. I've lived my life. If I can't be saved and you need sacrifice me, do it for the children that you'll save."
Abby sobbed. Callie was always so damn selfless. Abby didn't want to damn her friend to a fiery death. She wanted to save her, even if it was only for her own sake. Fuck Kane. Callie was her bestfriend. She was Clarke's Godmother. She couldn't let her die. She was safe now. She would see Earth.
"You need to see Earth."
"I can any time I look out a window, Abs," Callie told her.
"No, you need to see the ground."
"And, you have?" Callie inquired.
"Yes," Abby said quietly.
Callie let her go. Abby rolled over and stared into her friends eyes. After a few minutes, she stood up and moved to her closet. She pulled out her medical bag and sat it on the bedside table. Callie sat up and moved to lean against the headboard but was mostly against the wall.
"You aren't going to believe me, but I need to show you something."
"Show me something?" Callie probed.
"The reason that Sinclair and Kane are listening to me."
"Umm...I figured it was because they aren't stupid. Plus, Miss Reyes has been quite clear on who gets to talk to anyone on the ground. I think I was given a slight reprieve only because of Clarke and Kane, but I could be wrong. She might find me useful because I helped Sinclair with his little 'rocket' project."
"You knew about the nukes?"
"Yep, and helped him set them to fire at Mars. He needed someone with the codes. I had the codes. He did, too, but I didn't ask where he got them. Didn't really need to know. I figured that Raven found the codes somehow when she found about the existence of the nukes."
"Well, she didn't. She got them from me and Clarke, but that doesn't matter now. We got them because of Theo riding a nuke to the ground, but again, that isn't exactly important at the moment."
"Okay, I gonna forget all that and wait to find out what you think is more important to the fact that your own daughter had the nuclear codes," Callie said.
Abby just smiled at her friend as she pulled out a scalpel. She turned it around in her hand as she stared at the blade. Her mind instantly thought about the story that Raven told her about finding out about Clarke and Octavia. She hoped that this would work for Callie, too. She was going to be selfish and save her friend, but it wasn't going to be for Kane.
"Just trust that I'll explain everything to you as I can," Abby told her. "I don't understand it all, yet either, but ... Here's goes nothing."
Abby drug the blade across her left hand until she saw the black blood start to bubble up in her palm. She dropped the knife on the bedside table and moved to grab some cloth to stem the bleeding before she turned her hand for Callie to see it. She watched as Callie's eyes went wide.
"You see the reason Clarke and I know so much about it all is because we've been to the ground," Abby said as she held her hand out for Callie to inspect it.
"How?" Callie asked, mystified. "What? Is that? How?"
"You asked that one already," Abby replied with a slight laugh and then pulled up her shirt.
"Is that a tattoo?" Callie asked her. "When did you? How did you...? You waste nothing. What does that even mean?"
"It is a lotus flower," Abby said, still holding up her shirt and showing the darkened scar to her friend. "It is a symbol of growth and adaptation. It also means that I am one of the Twel. I'll explain all that in a minute. It just means that I'm one of Clarke's followers, and we are going to save all of mankind, those from space and those from the ground."
"THERE'S GROUNDERS!" Callie screamed as she stared up from Abby's stomach to her eyes again.