Denouement: End of a Mistake
One week. It took one week for the Phantom Troupe to regain control of the city, force out the majority of the mafia and mercenaries. One damn week, just as Chrollo had estimated.
A day after Hecate's death, the absent members had arrived. Franklin and Bonolenov had assisted with the Fan Shi, and, after witnessing them fight, machine gun hands and dances summoning planets, she understood how. Shalnark left behind his electronic interference to puppeteer anyone unfortunate enough to catch attention- helicopter pilots in particular, residents than piling in to gleefully shoot stolen weapons. The only members she hadn't formally met, Kortopi, his copies distributed around the city formed an absurdly large net of En over the entire city, and Shizuku, her Nen devoured piles of weapons and corpses as the fighting settled. Never mind that everyone that had already been in the city went positively wild once Chrollo gave the order.
And, a week later, they planned to disperse again. Just like that.
The only reason Lanfen hadn't fled after the initial confrontation, aside from wanting to be near Chrollo, had been the absolute inconvenience she would have caused. Not to mention she was incredibly safe to recover in Meteor City. Council tower commandeered as their headquarters, a rotation of Spiders at her side, no one would dare. Luxury of the place made it feel like a five-star hotel despite being at the center of a warzone.
No complaints, letters clutched in hand like they meant something, Roeis had vanished the moment his ability transferred to Skill Hunter. As the fighting died, the Hunter Association had arrived offering aid. Nobunaga had grumbled something about Roeis being at the forefront.
Nemmi shuffled, wing clipping her water glass. Click of metal on glass, Phinks gave her the side eye before returning to menacingly eating breakfast with Feitan. She rolled her eyes.
Machi walked by with a wicked scowl, Nemmi dancing in place again. Lan shrunk into her chair, Phinks and Feitan quiet. Sour mood Machi was terribly scary. As Machi dumped a pile of dirty bandages in the trash, icy eyes fell on Lan. She froze.
"You tell Danchou he owes me a fortune for this." Machi grabbed some food from the ridiculously stocked pantry, mumbling, "Infected animal bites are the worst to fix," as she wandered back towards her patient's room.
Arm reattached, but being mauled in Meteor City, tied up, and then crammed into a closet to fester for a few days, left Haven with heavily infected wounds. Meteor City resilience was the only explanation she had for how they'd managed to survive this long. The moment they regained consciousness, everyone knew. Screaming for Chrollo to come back and kill them, whining when he told them no, trying to punch him, they were not a very cooperative patient.
Haven was… strange, she supposed. Lan hadn't figured out how she felt about them. They had been a major part of the plot to attack her, and, using Sybil, had managed to drag Auntie into the mess. At the same time, though, she was beginning to see Chrollo- and Feitan and Phinks- treated them as a younger sibling. Haven had also paid an understandable price. Arm chewed up, ripped off, and nearly lost, Machi could only do so much. Scars and nerve damage would remain.
Nemmi chirped.
"Lanfen?" Chrollo stood in the doorway, her attention always his. Black hair tidy, cuts and burns healing, tattered clothes replaced, he looked more himself, yet… not. Shredded reverse cross coat in her room, that was the missing piece. Nemmi hopped to her shoulder. "Would you care to join me?"
She nodded, abandoning her dishes. They hadn't had a chance to talk. While he raised havoc, she had Nemmi playing guard for the tower as she recovered. Whenever Chrollo had made an appearance, she had been insistent he rest rather than fuss over her undecided feelings.
Standing at his side, his hand rested on the small of her back to lead her down the hall away from curious ears.
Early morning sun burned on the horizon with the smoke of dying fires. The entire city stretched out below them, the roof of the Council Chambers offering a unique view. Lanfen watched as crows and vultures circled. A few altered their paths to fly by her, recognizing her, and Chrollo understood the draw.
Content with silence, but he hadn't dragged her up here without reason.
Chrollo stepped beside her, his hand finding hers to convince her attention to him. A glance from the corner of her eyes, head tilted, she waited patiently while squeezing his hand softly.
"I'm sorry, Lanfen."
Her brows knitted in obvious confusion. Twitch of a smile, he had a list of transgressions to apologize to her for. The worst offence…
"For many things, but foremost my treatment of you. I shouldn't have tried to force you to join the Phantom Troupe when I understood how selfish of a request it was." Towards her and the Troupe. Perhaps even himself. "I had been trying to deny an uncomfortable truth I wasn't ready to acknowledge." Looking out, sea of trash surrounding them, "The Phantom Troupe is comprised of individuals."
Each with their own desires, thoughts, and wills. So obvious, yet so dangerous a fact. He had wished them to substitute the whole he thought he lacked. And, so, they followed, ever devoted to the promise the Phantom Troupe, that he, had made as the city burned around them. A purpose, a home, a legacy, something and everything compared to the nothingness the city had gifted them.
"I am an individual," he admitted, amount of dread gripping him. To mean nothing had become comforting in its absolution of responsibility. In its denial of consequence. In its rejection of self-reflection.
A gentle squeeze of her hand, Lanfen refocused him.
He lifted their hands, his lips brushing her knuckles, reconfirmation, "I want you." He didn't want to possess her. Didn't want her as a stolen aspect of himself. He wanted her hopelessly. Loved her desperately. "And, as contrary as it is to our founding rules, I am willing to use the Phantom Troupe to protect you." To take from him would be to take from them all. "You, a beloved, selfish, desire all of my own."
"Chrollo," timid, heartbreakingly sad as she avoided his gaze, "do you still consider loving me a mistake? It… It felt like you thought that. That the only way to fix it was for me to join."
How easily a few words could destroy him when from her mouth. The crushing pressure he forced onto her with his ultimatums… Never enough due to no fault of her own, her longing for acceptance manipulated to strip her of her freedom, his conditional love had left her to feel as insignificant and trapped as she had in her childhood, hadn't it?
Her continued devotion to him was so absurdly undeserved. He could spend eternity seeking penance.
Yet, also, the pride. How hard she fought to deny her upbringing and learned nature. She saw the spiral, the cycle, repeating with him. Still too forgiving, too afraid of being abandoned by someone offering the most minimal affection, she gave him another chance to prove himself different instead of accepting a mockery of the love she wanted and deserved. He had no doubt, now, no matter how terrified, that she would have left him if he failed her challenge.
To voice intimate fear, that pride strangled his heart. She felt safe with him. She felt confident enough in herself to show vulnerability. She had grown so strong since their first meeting.
"Lanfen," he whispered, bringing her close. He pressed a kiss to her temple as she nestled into the crook of his neck, her breath tickling skin. "You were never a mistake." Coincidence or fate, he never regretted the time they shared. He only regretted that he felt guilty for it. And, now, that he had hurt her so with his reluctance. "I am grateful to still have you after all of the distress I've caused you with these inflexible ideals."
"I believe I distressed you by challenging your ideals," she weakly joked, his fingers combing through her hair as she wrapped her arms around him. He had needed to be challenged, or he would have continued to avoid every difficult why presented to him. "I wanted… I wanted to give you a chance, instead of running away before things got more serious. Because you were trying, and I… I know that change is brutal." A light kiss to his neck before she pulled away, she looked up to him, caramel eyes soft. "You said we'd test it together, remember?"
Do you think people can change? Asked for herself as he picked apart her life, he never had any intention of heeding his own advice.
Through personal choice, he had lied, comforting her, assuring her that she could regain control over her life. That she needn't be forever subject to the inescapable will of Fanghe. That she could alter the meaning of her birthright. That she needn't feel helpless even as her fears wanted nothing more than to consume her. That she could change because that's what she desperately wanted beneath paralyzing anxiety. All for her, never applied to himself.
He had believed firmly in fate. In cruel inevitability. His choices meant nothing, in the end. Fighting inevitability pointless, why try? The inherent helplessness… Her optimism in chaos and choice had been an unobtainable comfort to him, but he had failed to see why.
"I do, Lanfen."
A glass reflection, slowly, with much uncertainty and resistance, his belief, he, had changed.
"Do you still believe in fate?"
"I'm unsure what I believe," he reconfirmed, truth stronger now. "The web connecting us was far from mere coincidence." Their lives had run parallel to each other's until a shift placed them, finally, on the same path. The intricate strings of fate that bound them, it felt wrong to say everything had been random, not part of some equally intricate plan.
"Yet, even if the end is set in stone, the choices I made were wrong." To not struggle against that fate, to fall helpless against it… Blind acceptance would have killed her. Perhaps it would have eventually killed him the same. It had already felled precious limbs. "I played a significant role in Liang's death," he admitted, reconciling whatever conflicting emotions she'd seen months ago.
Forcing Lanfen into a role to match what he felt most comfortable playing, possession and possessor, subordinate and leader, something and nothing... Denying the nature of their relationship while enjoying one-sided intimacy, the cruelty in his detached love, in his conflicting actions and words… If she hadn't resisted and fought as she had, Lanfen would have been crushed by his selfish will the same.
If only for her, he could change enough to deny fate.
"And you, Lanfen? What do you believe?"
"Much the same as you," she leaned in, forehead on his chest, his eyes on the horizon, "except I still think self-determination plays a stronger role than fate. If someone with a strong will has absolved to do something, I think, sometimes, fate follows."
Bending fate, the absolute control, unflinching will, and inconceivable strength required…
She had never been more than a puppet in a cruel joke. A prize in a game. A piece in a plot. She didn't have the control. The will. The strength. Attraction to power, to the monsters she found herself surrounded by, used by, it had always been envy first, foremost, and finally, until it was all she desperately wanted. Every denial brought desolation.
"I'm…" She trailed off, swallowing words like knives. Wound raw with its obviousness, with its sudden reachability, it hurt that it took so long. "I'm sorry," she substituted, fingers pulling at her sleeves, "for what Fanghe caused." Since the fight with Hecate, she never had the chance. "For everything she caused."
"Lanfen." Stern voice, hand on her shoulder, Chrollo pulled away enough to meet gazes. Narrowed void eyes denied as well as words. "You can't apologize for something you had no part in." Upward twitch of her lips, his tone, how dare she even try. But, fate or otherwise, everything in her life had always been controlled by one brilliantly reviled name. Gentle brush of his other hand up her right arm before he cupped her cheek, "Not when I've seen you struggle against it the same." Sincere, yet denying and affirming fate in the same breath, he added, "I believe we would have eventually come to this same point with or without Fanghe."
How strange, to be wanted to the point of denying reality.
She leaned into his touch, his thumb tracing her cheekbone. "I sort of want to change my surname," she muttered, wanting the damned thing gone. While it would remain a stain on her Hunter profile and life, she just… She wanted the bond a name was supposed to hold. She could at least officially take a fake name to match Auntie's. "It's not like I could borrow yours."
Chrollo froze. Her eyes shot to his, face burning. Wide grey eyes made her want to run and hide. Stupid mouth. Stupid brain. Nemmi's snickering made her want to slap a hand over her face and die.
At the same time, a different warmth. She… She had never thought about being with someone long enough to even consider that. She never thought she'd live long enough to have that.
"Are you sure you don't want mine?" Teasing, over the initial shock, Chrollo raised his brows to embarrass her some more. Joking, yet not violently opposed. He tilted her face, directed her attention to the skyline of a crumbling desert city. "I don't legally exist."
Slight smile, "Neither do I, really." She could be anyone she wanted, now, legacy finally killed. Even if she kept Paijin, it was hers to use as she pleased.
A pause, Lan watched circling vultures and crows dive into the destruction below. Chrollo's hand slipped from her face. Still standing near, arm brushing hers, she sneaked her hand back into his. His fingers wrapped around hers reassuringly.
"Chrollo," she said, ready to commit to bittersweet revelation, "I'm going to be a Hunter."
Dangling in front of her the whole time, mockingly held out of reach by Fanghe and the Fan Shi… Even if she rationalized becoming a Hunter as necessary to survive the Fan Shi, she had been truly enamored enough with the possibilities to stake her life on it. No schooling, no official identity, no stockpile of cash, conventional routes into conservation and research had been out of her reach. Especially at the scale she wanted. The exam was supposed to be her chance to… To change her fate, she supposed. After all, at the time, she felt like a mistake with no meaning and a useless burden dragging Auntie down with her, so if she died in the exam…
She rubbed the back of her hand over her eyes.
But things were different, now.
Voice cracking through a strained smile as she looked to Chrollo, "Someone once said I'd make an exceptional one."
"Truly, anything you wish," he repeated softly, the same adoration in his eyes as then. "You have a tendency to underestimate yourself, Lanfen."
She suddenly had all these people encouraging her. No matter the mask she decided to wear, they kept telling her she could do whatever she wanted. Auntie had been happy when she said she wanted to be a hunter- and take a deadly exam that killed scores yearly- because Lan finally had a goal that didn't involve drinking herself to death to forget her existence. Morel accepted her as a student despite knowing exactly how she chose to end the exam. And Knuckle, he kept helping her with projects despite knowing she'd run off and leave him to keep them going. Chrollo, worst of them all, after knowing her as the disaster she was, he outright told she could and should decide her own fate because she had the ability to.
Her smile faltered, but she wanted, in the very least, to tell him. Because she trusted him to understand.
"I'm… tired. Of fighting. Of almost dying for…" For people that meant nothing to her, as revenge or otherwise. Chrollo's fingers slipped from hers as she raised her hand. She held out her right arm, phantom sting running through as she pushed up her sleeve. Rings of scars, even if healed over, she saw the puncture of fangs. "When that chimera ant bit me, or when I almost drowned after Lami bit me-"
For all the fear and agony, it nowhere compared to the absolute terror of Hisoka's hand crushing her throat with bliss in his eyes. Or Adalei's Nen carving through her arm with a dying sneer in retributive victory. Or Miwa's final attack as she burned alive with hatred her only motivation to exist.
"Thinking about it now, I think I would have been okay dying like that." Her voice trailing, Chrollo rested a hand on her shoulder, inviting her back to his side. Nemmi cuddled against her leg, gentle chirps calm words. Her eyes remained on the scars, but the image blurred. Waver in her voice, "It's… It's not that I want to die, I don't, anymore, it's just…" Stray tears slipping down her cheek, "The idea is less terror inducing. Because, at least then, it'll be doing something I love. It'll mean something to me, and not just… I'll not just be a sacrifice in someone else's game."
Lan stepped in front of Chrollo, pressed her face to his shoulder to hide. He combed through her hair as she used his shirt to dry silent tears that escaped. Lingering a second in warmth, desert morning chill, she missed his coat, the fur tickling her face as she'd sneak her arms underneath.
"I want to live as myself," she whispered.
Pulling away, the hand playing with her hair shifted to wiping away the last of a few stubborn tears. "To embrace the inevitability of death is to peacefully walk beside it in life," he said, truth of his existence now hers. It stung, applied to him, but he felt the same towards her. "I understand, Lanfen." More than anyone else. "I want you to be happy, and the Phantom Troupe won't bring you that," he admitted again, concrete truth a promise. Then, a warning with hesitance in grey eyes. "To be with me, even without joining, you're already sacrificing the peace you want."
Sad smile, she accepted. "I can't ask you to stop living as yourself." He was the head of the spider, enemies at every turn justly wishing him crushed for his outstanding cruelty. Eventually, perhaps, he would meet his match and die for his creation; he had assumed that end from the beginning. Association had always posed danger. She shouldn't have needed an example to solidify that reality. "I want to be with you, even if it comes with risk. You're worth it."
Again, Chrollo invited her into his arms, his nose buried in her hair after a pressing a kiss to her temple. "I promise to protect you from it," he whispered near her ear. "It's the absolute least I can do to repay you for the suffering I'll surely bring you. Lanfen, I love you."
She shifted enough to kiss his jaw before stepping back, smiling up at him. "I love you, too, Chrollo." Content, his expression mirrored her own.
Fingers still entwined, another step apart, heart not ripped out despite parting, this was a temporary goodbye on her terms.
"We can arrange you transport out of the city whenever you wish," Chrollo offered knowingly, now ready to assist in her escape opposed to tethering her to him. "Do you have a destination in mind?"
She had no immediate answer, fingers wishing to pick at fabric until Chrollo's thumb rubbed the back of her hand.
Auntie had remained with Knuckle, following her rescue. The two had ended up at the griffon hawk reserve in Seherta. Lan was meant to join them after resolving issues in Meteor City, but… "Auntie needs to move out of Anchi." Even the illusion of safety, there, had been shattered. Minji had found the information somewhere. Lan didn't trust it not to happen again, particularly with said woman still alive somewhere.
His lips brushed over her knuckles to pull attention to him. "I'm sorry, Lanfen." True remorse in grey eyes, "It seems I have even taken your home," he apologized.
"The Fan Shi did," she sourly muttered, trusting him to resolve that loose end. But what to do? Auntie certainly had to be moved elsewhere, but the house itself… "I may just keep the house." She needed a place near Yan and Tai. If anyone showed up hoping to abduct Auntie again, they'd either find a house filled with useless animal photos and clothes, or a very irritated Lan.
"I will have Shalnark forge new documentation for you both."
Lan smiled, swinging their hands a bit at the idea. Lan would have to go through the Hunter Association, given she wasn't very good with everything that came with forgery. How pointless, considering how much trust she held in them to keep it secret. Then again, a higher rank may resolve some privacy issues. She'd also rather not have Auntie repeat the effort she had originally taken to get their current documents. Revisiting shady contacts from the Paijin heydays… Perhaps Lan would have to investigate that route as the potential link Minji had found.
"After that," Lan continued, passing glare at her right arm, "I'm going to go catch that ant." Assuming Knuckle- or Morel or Shoot- hadn't used Lan's preoccupation with Auntie to catch the chimera in the meantime. She sighed, dreading the next step in her career. So much paperwork and sitting… "Then, I guess I'll actually turn in all the research I have to the Hunter Association."
"You-" Chrollo tugged at her hand to redirect her sheepish look to his face. She shyly complied. "Lanfen, you haven't turned in anything?" Taken aback may not do his expression justice. Scandalized may be closer. She had no idea he thought so highly of her work. "All of the research I've seen you compile, and you haven't turned in a single thing?"
Nemmi screamed the same from the ground, now on Chrollo's side.
She chewed on her cheek. The little attributed to her had been projects with Knuckle and Shoot, and only because she would have felt bad if she held up their progress. Knuckle smartly threatened her with not turning in any of their combined work if she refused to even put her name on it.
"I… I was scared to have attention on me." In the beginning, because of the Fan Shi. Later, because she hadn't dared get her hopes up. "I'm ready to try, now."
His expression softened.
City smoldering under the sunrise, "What are you going to do? After finishing up here, at least." Physical reconstruction efforts fell outside their sense of duty to the place, she assumed. Monetarily, however, he claimed they were a philanthropic group on occasion.
"It has been some time since the Troupe committed any grand heists, and there are now plenty of mafia groups without leadership. I suspect we can go on quite the retributive spree." She scoffed to hide a giggle; pursuing the mafia out of the city to steal stuff to fund rebuilding it, he certainly made for a perfect Meteor City citizen. "Of course, if I find anything of interest to you, they're yours once I'm done admiring them."
A single laugh escaped, his raised brow egging her on. "I'm about to cost you a fortune." He knew full well that she didn't resell so much as burn. Then again, she'd be wasting the opportunity to entrap. Wicked crooked grin, "No one is going to want to buy animal parts by the time I'm through."
She would become an absolute terror with a reputation all her own.
Affection at her threats, crow black hair loose in the breeze, void eyes all hers, "Mere items have lost some of their charm," Chrollo whispered, flicker of a smile on his lips with the light squeeze of her hand. "There is certainly no comparison."
Lanfen tugged at his hand, convincing Chrollo to leave the smoke-filled horizon behind. Nemmi landed on her shoulder with a content crow. Cuddling into the crook of her neck, her free hand absently patted his head instead of picking at clothes. Hands still entwined, Chrollo and Lan entered the empty staircase, vulture screeches once overhead quieting.
Enthusiastic anticipation for the future without the pervasive dread of the past, she felt free.
A/n: The next chapter will be an epilogue, and that epilogue will be AU because the Black Whale is, well, I don't see the troupe walking out of there anywhere near intact lol. If Lan got on the boat, I 100% do not think she'd be making it off- not to mention she shouldn't be let loose on a continent of unknown dangerous creatures for her own safety, forbid she try to bring anything back in her pockets. Hisoka vs Chrollo still happens, though (spoiler?) notwithtroupememberdeaths( end spoiler). I'm content with an au happy ending; consider it subverting their fate. Absolutely ecstatic to read the new hxh chapter! Togashi really created such a fun power system, it's been so interesting to watch/read and then try to mimic myself. I'm losing it over here, I loved it so much. I will be re-reading where the anime left off again, maybe the whole thing lol.
And the only thing I want to mention from this chapter is that Hisoka was the one to shift Lan's and Chrollo's lives to place them together. After all, the joker and the fool, Hisoka is another with the control, will, and strength Lan always envied. It's just another reason why his choices upset her continuously.
Yeah, so, I plan to ramble to hell in back down here next chapter because it's the last time I'll get to share my thoughts on my own story with anyone. I'll be as unhinged as I want.
HeavenlyCondemned- I'm not so cruel as to give Lan an unhappy ending. Next chapter, you'll know more! If not in story, in a final note because I will ramble all I like there.