Chapter 5: Two Sides/Same Coin: Hers

Juice lay under a Nissan Maxima on its last legs doing an oil change. He was grateful to be working on something basic because his mind was all over the place. Yesterday afternoon after part two of their disastrous reunion, instead of going over more of the past during their impromptu dinner, he and Ronnie decided to talk about their present instead. Light stuff like whether or not they liked their jobs and low-level personal questions like do you have kids. The vibe between them was still tentative but at they were actively trying.

Last night, she was laughing hysterically over his abridged and very much embellished story of Tig getting bitten by a dog when her phone chimed.

"Damn. I have to take this," she said, still wiping her eyes.

He nodded but got up immediately when she answered. She watched him putting on his cut and waved her hand at him, whispering, "Don't leave."

"No, go ahead. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Hold on just one moment," she told whoever was on the line. "Please? It'll just be a minute. They just want to know-"

"I gotta go anyway. I didn't even clock out when I left work."

She bit back whatever else she wanted to say, her disappointment splayed all over her face. "Okay."

He'd never know how much watching him close the door had triggered panic in her.

0.o.0.o.0

Clay released them from Church to get ready for a run. Indian Hills chapter was accepting a delivery on behalf of SAMCRO and needed more men to get it unloaded quickly and also to stand guard. The club couldn't afford to lose the shipment to another crew or the cops, the payment was going to clear all their debt putting them back in the black for the first time that year. This was business as usual but the timing couldn't be worse for Juice. He had just cleared the air with Raniyah and now he had to leave for two, maybe three days? His chest tightened at the thought, it was too soon. He pulled out his phone to call her then changed his mind and walked out to get on his bike. He had to see her face to face, it was the only way he'd know for sure if she was going to stay.

Chibs stopped him once they got outside, "Ya goin' ta see her?"

Sometimes it was creepy the way Chibs could read him. "Yeah."

Chibs put on his sunglasses, flipping his hair back with a quick toss of his head. "Hurry up an' get back. Clay ain't don' wit' us."

"Yeah. 20 minutes tops."

"Bring us back a san'wich?"

Juice's smile stretched wide, "Sure, Chibby."

Chibs slapped him on the shoulder, "Good lad. Hurry up, then."

0.o.0.o.0

Juice tapped lightly on Raniyah's room door, wishing the jitters in his stomach would knock it off. When she opened the door, her face had none of the signs of crying from yesterday and seeing her eyes light up, he couldn't stop the characteristic boyish grin that spread across his face.

"Hey, girl."

Recognition of his words from their past sparked in her eyes, her smile radiant. "Hey, boy."

They stood there smiling at each other like the two biggest doofuses on the planet. It surprised him that his brain recalled the old way they used to greet each other back in school. It was strange but good how stuff like that could come back after all this time.

"You comin' in?"

"Naw, I just had to come tell you something." At that moment, he was more comfortable standing out there than being inside her room. Today it felt too intimate, like being in her old bedroom and they weren't those people anymore.

"I gotta go outta town for a couple days, maybe three. Club shit."

He hesitated, hoping she would say something so he wouldn't have to ask."So uh…will you be here? When I get back? Like, stay?"

Raniyah's lips were curving into a smile again listening to him fumble through his question. Juice felt his ears getting hot. The guys would be laughing their asses off if they could hear me right now. "I mean, are you gonna stay?"

She nodded, "Yeah. I can find something to get into, I guess."

"Alright, good." Juice nodded, trying hard not to let his face break into a grin again. "That's cool." He dug into his pocket for a slip of paper. "Here. My number and the garage's for emergencies. But if you put it in your phone don't mark it with my name."

"This number is different…how come?"

"Can you just do it?" Juice urged, he didn't have much time left.

Raniyah cut her eyes at him annoyed by the 'Cloak and Dagger' of it all. "Okay."

"If you need anything at all, just call the garage. Even though it's closed, somebody will answer."

"I won't be doing that, but okay."

He pressed his lips into a flat line. "Ronnie."

"What? I'm not. I'm a whole grown-up, Jay."

He stood there for a little bit, letting his helmet bounce on his leg. Her statement was delivered matter of fact so he was going to have to just accept it.

"Alright. I gotta get back."

"Okay. When are you leaving?"

"Tonight, but we got stuff to do to get ready."

"Okay." Raniyah was uncertain of what to say. "Well, be safe and all that."

Juice chuckled lightly. "Thanks, what would I do without your blessing," he tossed back.

Boy, I've been praying for you for seven years. "Let's not find out."

This time Juice let his wide, ready grin shine through, definitely glad he made the decision to come to see her. She took a step forward then caught herself, gripping the door with both hands she smiled again. "Later."

As Juice was walking back to his bike he realized what her step forward was - she was going to hug him. Physical affection came as easy to Ronnie as breathing. He always loved that part of her. He got more hugs, arm squeezes and playful slaps in the chest from her in the first year he knew her than from his own mom in all the years of his whole life up till then. He remembered her having to ask for a hug when she came to the clubhouse the first night

'Can I get a hug or something?'

He didn't realize that he had been that standoffish with her. I need to fix that. He added that to the guilt list he had in his head for his handling of Raniyah. If it wouldn't have been so weird, he would have gone back to collect on that wouldn't have been so weird, he would have gone back to collect on that hug. But it would have…so he got on his bike and headed off to pick up lunch for himself and Chibs.

0.o.0.o.0

Later that night, Raniyah was drying her hair when her phone sounded off with the ringtone she had assigned to Jay's second phone number.

"Hey, boy."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Hey, girl. I just wanted to…I don't know, see if you were alright."

She could hear all kinds of voices and noise in his background.

"You need anything?" She could tell he was leaning harder into the phone because the background noise decreased and his voice was louder but a little muffled. His grown-up voice was so different. Good, but different.

"No, I'm good."

"I mean, I can make Half-Sack go get you something," he pressed.

"I'm good, I swear."

There was a beat of silence before he asked her, "You change your mind?"

"About what?"

"Staying."

She giggled at the fact that he felt the need to double-check, "No."

Juice let out a relieved laugh, "Okay, good."

She could hear the voices in the background get loud again, "Uh, I gotta go. I'll call you as soon as I get back."

"Okay." But he was already gone when she spoke. Raniyah sat there biting her thumbnail, unable to wipe the smile off of her face. He really wants me to stay.

0.o.0.o.0

The long, boring day of editing had her restless come nightfall. Raniyah was supposed to be watching the pay-per-view movie she ordered but her mind kept going back to the last time she was with Jay and the crazy that came after.

March - Seven years ago

Raniyah's POV

I stood in our kitchen trembling with anger at what was happening. "No way! MA!"

"Raniyah Annaliese! Stop hollerin' in this house." My ma's tone was clear, quiet down or else.

"Yes! Don't raise your voice to your mother!" Esteban, my mother's boyfriend of a whopping two months, stood there frowning, talking as if his words actually carried weight with me.

I lowered my voice immediately, "Sorry, ma. It's just…we weren't doing anything."

"They were in bed together," he said for the fifth time.

Duh, you fucking perv. "She knows that!" I snapped at him. "Going to sleep! Like always!"

When I saw my mother's glance go to her boyfriend, I panicked. "We followed the rules! Him on top and me under."

Esteban's eyebrows shot to the ceiling, "What?!"

"The covers!" I hated that I was standing in my own kitchen explaining myself to this rat-faced, slick-haired fool, but I had to protect Jay. "Me under the blanket and Jay on top with a different blanket and the door not closed all the way. Isn't that what YOU saw?" I squinted my eyes at him, waiting for the answer. Lie! Lie one time motherfucker and I swear!

Avoiding the question, he addressed my ma again, "What I saw was them being pretty damn cozy, Loretta."

I snorted thinking, Well, we could talk about why you walked into my room without being invited. Ugh! This perv!

"He's got to go, Loretta. This is how girls end up…," he raised his eyebrows at her as if saying the word pregnant was going to be too much for our delicate feminine ears.

"It takes a lot more than that," I mumbled.

With his fingers splayed out in my direction, his voice hit a higher pitch. "You SEE!? You see how she TALKS!"

"That's because I'm 17 and not an idiot! Besides, it doesn't matter 'cause we didn't DO anything!" OH MY GOD, I HATE THIS PRICK!

"Loose women are fashioned from loose rules and no supervision."

My mouth fell open. "Loose women? Did you just call me a whore?"

Esteban blinked, his eyes darting to my mother, realizing his misstep. He had been challenging all the house rules that pertained to me for the last week, from when I did my homework to my curfew to my chores. Popping over when he knew my ma wasn't home yet, wanting to come in and wait for her so he could ask me a thousand questions about what I had gotten done since I got home from school. He was working too hard to get between my ma and me and I had reached my limit.

"Did you just call me a fucking whore?!"

"Raniyah! Esteban, enough."

"What? He just called me a WHORE!" Against my will tears began to form. I HATE fucking crying! "Why are you even talking? Do you live here? How does he get a say, Ma? No, Jay is staying!"

"I'm sorry, Loretta. That was out of line." I took note that he didn't apologize to me or clarify that he wasn't calling me, in all my virgin glory, a whore. Then Esteban had the nerve to put his arm around my ma's shoulders before he snarled at me, "Maybe you want to go with him."

Did this asshole just threaten to put me out of my own house? "What?!" Fool, I will stab you where you stand! Leaving him to his own apparent crazy, I tried to focus on my ma. "Ma please, it's ten at night. We can't put him out." I was pleading with her. "Ma?"

She moved out from under Esteban's arm with a sigh, but Esteban grew bolder. "Why can't the boy go home? He's got a home, don't he?"

I met my ma's eyes. There was no way I would ever air out the Ortiz family business in front of any of my ma's boyfriends.

"Ma, please?! Not tonight. Please!"

She must have finally seen what my look was trying to tell her. "Juan Carlos has always been welcome here, Esteban. He's a good boy." When Esteban tried to say something else, she fixed him with a look, "He's a good boy."

I was flooded with relief. "Ro, tell him to come out and sleep on the couch tonight, okay?"

My face broke into a grin, as I threw my arms around her giving a silent, molten, fuck you look to Esteban, "Thank you, ma! Thank you!" I kissed her cheek and ran to my room.

I started talking before I even opened the door all the way, "That prick tries to ruin everything! But it's cool. Ma wants-".

No Jay. His backpack was gone. Shit. Sitting on the bed, I texted him to call me and waited. I heard Esteban and my ma exchange a few hushed angry words before he left and I glared at my door. This is your fault, fucker. I kept calling and texting until after midnight, eventually dragging myself to bed.

That was the last night I saw that prick Esteban…or my best friend.

Jay didn't return any of my calls or texts and I couldn't blow up my ma's bill going over my limit, so I had to wait. Believing daily that he would show up at my babysitting job or tap on my window in class had me hopeful, but after a few days, I was frazzled. I spent the rest of the week moping, giving my ma a low-grade silent treatment for letting Esteban think he could speak out on our house rules in the first place. And by the end of the week, I mustered up the courage to show up at his house.

His little sister answered the door, "Juan don't stay here no more."

"What do you mean? Since when?"

"Who the fuck you talkin' to?!" The door was snatched open by Juan's mom's boyfriend, Hugo. A solid wall of a man who let Jay know that he wasn't his regularly via head slaps and kidney punches. I hate you so much. "Oh, it's you."

I flashed him a dimpled smile and masked the revulsion I felt at seeing him lick his lips at me. Ewww! "Is Juan around?"

"Naw, girl. He gone."

"Gone like…?"

"Gone." He seemed to enjoy my surprise. "Yeah, that little bitch up and moved out. Stole a grip of money from his own mama, too. Piece of shit."

"Oh."

His dark eyes squinted at me, "Figured he was staying round there with you and your uppity mama."

I forgot to control my face when he took a shot at my mom.

"I mean she fine an' all but…you gon' better than she do." I felt every millisecond of his eyes trailing over my body. I. Could. Vomit.

He opened the door a little wider, "You wanna come in? Hang out? Theresa will be here after a bit."

Oh hell no! The way his eyes just raked over me, I was going straight home to take several showers. "No thanks, Hugo…but if you hear from him-".

"I won't." He closed the door in my face.

Moved out? I whipped out my phone to send another text.

*Jay! I was just at your house! You need to call me TODAY!

My calls went unanswered for a month. Until I sent my weekly 'where are you' text and my phone rang a few seconds later with his ringtone.

I pounced on my phone, dropping it in my haste to answer, fumbling it open. "Jay, where the hell have you been?! I've been going nuts!"

"Whoa, baby girl! You sound too fine to be that mad." My tears sprang up immediately, the voice wasn't Jay's.

"I-I'm sorry. I must have a wrong number." I couldn't keep the tremble out of my voice. "This isn't Juan's phone? Juan Carlos?"

"No. Sorry. I got this number a week ago, baby. What's your name?"

I burst into tears, "Okay. Okay, thanks."

I could hear the guy on the other end calling out for me to wait and not hang up but I was crying so hard I disconnected anyway.

Later that evening, I curled up in bed with my mother, sobbing my eyes out.

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that call was like for you. At least that nice detective ran his name for you."

"How could he just disappear? Why wouldn't he say goodbye to me?" Fresh tears gathered up. "I'm so tired of crying, ma! Every time I think about him out there somewhere hurt…Ma!"

I fell apart all over again. She held me even tighter as if her arms could hold me together. My whole body shook with the force of my grief. "What if he's hurt?" I was quickly working my way up to hysterics. "What if he's dead, ma!? What if Hugo hurt him bad and all this time he's been dead?!"

"Whoa! Slow down okay, baby?" My mother tried to calm me down, "Stop. We are not doing that. He's not dead. I don't believe that. If he was you would feel it." With her hand gently on my face, she forced me to look her in the eye, "Do you feel that he's gone, or do you still feel close to him?"

"I feel close," I whispered, between hitching breaths.

"Then that is what we believe, Raniyah, okay?" It killed me to see my ma's eyes filling with tears, too. "We pray for him - strength and protection. And we hold him in our hearts until he comes back."

I broke down again while my mother stroked my hair, blinking away her own tears. "Can you pray for him, baby?"

I took in a shuddering sigh, "I can do that."

She shared with me years later how guilty she felt every day seeing my face when my phone rang and it wasn't Jay on the other end. And how she wished that she had let him come live with us our whole senior year. So many regrets. Her confession still tore at Raniyah's heart, "…that child deserved better from the adults in his life…including me."

Raniyah stared at the tv screen seeing nothing. She took in a deep breath, exhaling as if the weight of all the world's troubles were resting on her. She rubbed her face, suddenly tired. Why did you ever leave my house, Jay?

.

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A/N: Y'all when adults drop the ball they REALLY drop it. Juice's POV is coming next! See you next chapter! And thank you for reading. ;) kjx