School carried on as it always had, I was doing my best to ignore and stay away from the Cullen's. Besides of course from French, where I was forced to practice with them, and home Ec where Edward was my own personal hell. It felt like a cruel punishment, and Edward was not spared from the mental tirade I went on about how ridiculous it was for them to study a foreign language when they were already fluent in so many. I used the same reasoning in home Ec where I pointed out the absurdity of Edward learning anything remotely domestic in nature.
We were almost a month into school already and I was getting antsy. I rode my bike to school every day that the weather permitted, especially since Gaia spent as much time as she could on the rez with Paul, still somehow oblivious to the supernatural shenanigans that were happening just under foot. Maybe it was better that way, she could keep her busy schedule, never wonder if the cause was supernatural in origin, and she could go to college in two years with a clear conscience.
It felt strange, holding so much optimism for someone else's future when my own felt so bleak. After all, how could I have a bright future when it was so marred with my otherworldly knowledge? I still held some fragments of hope for a normal life outside of Forks, though I knew the darkness I was encountering here lurked in other shadows in other cities. I knew because I had visited those places, seen the Alaskan coven first hand. I had heard the conversations of nomads Wandering close when the Cullen's thought I was sleeping. Their world was no stranger to me, even though I was to it.
Something I would forever be grateful for however, was how removed from this world of monsters and mayhem Angela was. It felt only right to keep her in the dark about it all. I wish I had been kept in the dark about it as well, that the nurse's evil love had never been in the hospital that day, that I didn't have the reminder of it all in the form of a scar that ran smoothly down my leg. I hadn't been surfing nearly as much as I had wanted over the summer, and the desire burned deep in me. I made the mental note to drive to the beach and surf the first chance I got after passing my test.
I had a whole list of things I was going to do immediately after getting my license. First up was to secure a job. I had toyed with the idea of working beforehand, but with only my bike as reliable transportation, and the ever looming downpour, I opted to wait until I could drive the second car that had been stored away when my dad no longer used it daily. He rarely left unless it was for work, otherwise Charlie picked him up.
Charlie had agreed to drive me to take my test on the morning of my sixteenth birthday, which happened to be today. I sat anxiously on my bed, sorting through shirts to find the one I wanted to be on my license until I was eighteen. None of them were satisfying me, and the part of me that had grown to love the Cullen's wished desperately that I could call Alice. Something told me she ached to help as well. With a sigh, I chose an oversized sweater and pulled it over top of my plain black tank top.
If everything went according to plan, I would show up to school at lunch, driving my own vehicle of course. It was Friday, so that meant I would only have Gym, History, and Home Ec to worry about. Okay, just make it through two periods with the Cullen's. Alice and Jasper are easy enough, and if Chef didn't make a big plan for today, I won't have to deal with Edward much either. I thought logically as I dug through my unfolded clean clothes basket for a pair of pants. Finally my hands locked around jeans and I began pulling them from the basket. They were almost halfway out when they caught on something, my hand immediately slipping and slamming me in the eye. "Son of a bitch!" I groaned and leaned back cupping my face. After a few moments, I sat up, silently hoping there wasn't a mark while I shimmied into my jeans helplessly. Once I was officially trapped in a pair of jeans that was arguably a little too small, I grabbed my converse and my bag, rushing from my room and skipping down my stairs.
Before I even finished rounding the corner I could smell the warm maple syrup and fresh coffee. My heart sang, knowing that once again my father would never miss celebrating my birthday, and that he would always be around to make me pancakes and coffee. I rounded the corner, finding a kitchen full of people yelling "SURPRISE!" There was a full buffet of breakfast food set out on the kitchen table and counter. The hazy morning light that filtered in through the window mingled with the humming light overhead to wash everyone in a cool glow. Sam, Leah, Paul, Billy, Jake, Charlie, Gaia, Angela, and my father filled the kitchen with warm air and the scent of the crisp outdoors. Angela rushed forward and threw her arms around me, planting a kiss on my cheek as she did so. "Happy birthday, good luck on your test today." She whispered in my ear before breaking the hug with a face flushed pink.
Next up was Gaia, who enveloped me completely in her hug, the soft Sherpa lining of her jacket tickling my cheek. "You're gonna do great. Happy birthday." She pulled away with a smile and hooked her arm around Angela's. "We have to go to school, text one of us as soon as it's done!"
"Okay!" I said happily, giving Angela a quick peck on the cheek and Gaia a quick squeeze of the hand. "And I'm sorry I can't help with the newspaper distribution this week."
"Oh hush!" Gaia waved her free hand where her car key dangled from her pinky.
"Ari, go rock that test and don't worry about us!" Angela laughed, and after a little more bantering, they rushed from the door, now late.
Next up in line was Paul, sweeping me up in a huge hug that lifted my feet from the linoleum, we had been growing closer now that he and Gaia were official. Our friendship was only natural after me being already so close to Sam and Leah, and the bond between the pack making that comradery stronger. "Now you have no excuse not to come to visit more." His voice wrapped around me as he dropped me back to the floor.
"Other than having a job of course." I pointed out, which earned me a dismissive wave as Sam stepped up.
"Paul's right, you've gotta come out more now. You can hang out with Leah at our place when she's home." Sam spoke in almost a commanding way, proving to me once again since the summer that he views me as one of his own. "We miss you hanging around like you did in the summer." He pulled me into a warm hug, a smile cracking his serious expression.
Once he let go of me Leah came right up and swiped me into a tight embrace. "You're going to do amazing today." She gave off such a motherly air in that moment that I nearly cried, and based on the throat clearing from behind me, my father had noticed too. After she released her grip on me, I gave Charlie and Billy a smile, both of them looking at me as if I were their daughter.
"You've got this Ari." Billy said with a smile, never having been the hugging type.
"You already know I believe in you. Now let's eat." Charlie said gruffly. With a laugh I turned finally to Jacob.
The boy had grown in the last two months, nearly a foot taller. Oh my god what are they feeding that boy? I thought in shock as I walked over to him. No longer could I sling my arm over his shoulder, or look him dead in the eye from equal heights. I'm nipple height… gross. I suppressed the laugh, but Jake saw my expression and raised an eyebrow. "Man Jake, grow any more and my nose will be in your belly button when I hug you." I punched his arm playfully, immediately noticing there was no give.
"Oh ha-ha." He rolled his eyes and tossed an arm over my shoulder. "You shrink anymore and you won't be able to see over the wheel." He teased back. I returned an eye roll and looked over to Sam and Paul, a knowing look passing between all of our faces.
Jake's gonna turn any day now. I thought sorrowfully to myself, the idea of another loved one being pulled straight into the hidden world. Another one down the rabbit hole. My heart began to break.
"Okay enough! Let's eat!" Charlie laughed, his stomach growling.
"Wait?" I froze as we began seating ourselves around the table. "Paul, Jake? Don't you guys have school?"
"Not today, tribe thing." Billy answered for them, his answer was short enough I knew it involved the pack, not the tribe.
"Yeah dad has a spooky secret council meeting." Jake waved his fingers in the air like he was telling a ghost story, seconds later a hand connected with the back of his head and laughter erupted. Sam had walked past and playfully swatted at him, Jake rubbed the back of his head and stuck his tongue out as he sat down. "You're only acting like that because you got invited tonight." He grumbled and scooped scrambled eggs onto his plate.
I snickered as I piled pancakes onto my plate, laughing even harder when Paul tried to spear a pancake and it tore in half before he made it over to his plate, half of the pancake landing in his orange juice. With a heart so full, I didn't have time to worry about my test or the still painful sensation that covered the top of my cheekbone.
I leaned in my seat to set my head on my dad's shoulder, looking up to him as he finished his sip of coffee before tilting his head to rest atop mine. "Thank you dad." I could see the bags under his eyes from working the night shift and not going to bed immediately, and I could smell the hint of bourbon he had slipped in his coffee.
"Anytime kiddo." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, smacked a kiss on my head, and then straightened back up to eat.
When it came to pancakes, I perpetually did not give a shit about my stomach, and would eat to my heart's content. Today I was unfortunately aware of the restraint I needed, unwilling to risk vomiting during the test. Luckily enough, Sam, Paul, and Jake were like bottomless pits and finished all the food. There was something about the combo of breakfast foods and the table full of us that made us all particularly rowdy. At some point Leah had to excuse herself to the bathroom, Billy and Charlie were laughing so hard they were crying, and my dad was cleaning coffee off the kitchen cabinets where he had done a spit take after attempting to take a sip of a fresh cup. All of this while Sam sat there trying not to laugh with bits of pancake clinging to his face and hair, held on by syrup. Paul stood beside him, gasping for air and clutching his stomach as he laughed, and Jake sat with a proud look on his face, having achieved a playful payback for earlier teasing. "Fair play Jacob… fair play." Sam nodded as he scraped bits of food from his hair that had escaped the bun he'd tied it in to eat.
With everyone being around I felt so giddy, but eventually everyone's lives demanded their presence again, and by nine thirty they had begun to filter outside into the foggy morning air. Charlie paused at the door, looking between dad and I, clearing his throat he fixed his gaze on me. "I will be outside for a moment. Give you two some time." He awkwardly shut the door and disappeared.
"What was that all about?" I nervously turned to face my dad in the kitchen door.
"Arabella… there is something I have for you." He held out an envelope that had yellowed and aged. My name was delicately scrawled on the front, but not in a handwriting I recognized. "It's from your mother… your birth mother."
"Wait… so… the note that said my name when Charlie found me. It was this letter?" I felt the soft edges of the letter, my chest aching.
"Yes. There was another note with it, asking us to wait until you were sixteen to give you the letter. It had all your birth information on it except for where and by who you were born." My dad looked like he really didn't want to be doing this right now, he especially looked like he wanted my mom to be here with him. I'm sure they had discussions of this very day, how they would do it, when they would do it. It dawned on me suddenly that this was why my kitchen was full of loved ones, even if my dad and Charlie didn't tell them, they would still show up for me. It felt conceited thinking that, but I knew it was true, because I would do it for them.
I wasn't sure how long I was staring at the delicate letters on the aged stationary, but I pulled my eyes back up to my dad, rushing forward to hug him. "I wish mom was here." I said, my face buried in his chest and muffling my voice.
"Me too kiddo… me too." He hugged me in return, rubbing my back gently. "Now," he cleared his throat, "don't keep Charlie waiting. Go rock that test."
"Will do." I shoved the letter into my bag and grabbed my jacket off the hook, the whole day feeling significantly more real. Once I was out of the house, I ran over to the car and hopped in the driver's seat, ignoring the curious and mildly concerned glances that Charlie was giving me from the passenger seat. "Let's burn some rubber." I raised my eyebrows teasingly and looked at Charlie as I revved my engine.
"Don't make me regret this." He teased back, lightening up when he saw I wasn't as affected by the letter. I was actively doing everything I could not to fall apart, but it was a comfort to know he couldn't see that.
"I'm dropping you off at the station if I pass, right?" I felt the nerves building as I pulled out of the lot.
"Yes ma'am. When you pass." He said confidently, and while that brought me power, it didn't little to ebb the growing anxiety I held within.
•••
I stared down at my hands, shock pulsing through me. "I have a black eye on my driver's license." I said as I squinted at the tiny picture. "None of you told me I had a black eye! Why!?"
"It wasn't that bad when we left the house! I swear Ari!" Charlie said defensively as he climbed out of my car, we now sat at the police station. "It really must have ramped up when we separated."
"I'll say! I look like I'm wearing an eye patch!" I flipped the glossy verticale card around to face Charlie. "Look at it!" I watched him hold back a laugh, though unsuccessfully. "Do you think I'll at least get out of participating in gym today?" I looked at him, almost pleading.
"Not my call kiddo." He tapped my car door twice before shutting it. "Happy birthday!" He called through the window, voiced muffled by the thick pane. I sighed and flipped my sun visor down, staring at my eye. It wasn't black and blue, or comical in any way; it was, however, very visible. It danced across the bottom of my eye socket, right where the bone began.
God I hope I have enough concealer to hide this. I thought hopefully as I grabbed my makeup bag. I didn't want to miss lunch, so I decided then and there I would skip gym today and fix the hot mess bruise. With that solution in mind, I threw my bag into the passenger seat and began my first of many drives to the school.
There was something so strangely liberating about this first drive, suddenly I had a freedom I never had before. It dawned on me that I could just keep driving. I could drive away from all my problems, from the supernatural bee's nest that was Forks, from the letter that was shoved into my bag. I had moved it to a folder so it wouldn't get crumpled, but suddenly I didn't have the courage to open it like I did this morning.
Shaking the feeling that wanted to slip its hands around my heart, I procured my phone and opened up Spotify, plugged in the aux, pressed the album of choice, and let the music fill the empty space. The Vessel album from Twenty One Pilots pounded through my speakers, every beat making the drive to the school more doable. Once I pulled up, lunch was already half over, so I began digging through my makeup bag to ensure I had everything I needed, I would never be able to borrow Gaia's concealer since she was several shades darker than me, and Angela's was cool where mine was warm, and still a few shades darker. The closest option I would have if I couldn't get my hands on the magical tool that it was, was Jessica, who was only one shade darker than me. Luckily for me however, I found my full coverage foundation, and the concealer.
I looked up from my bag finally, and my eyes locked on the windshield across from me. I froze as I realized someone was sitting there, the golden eyes staring at me in shock. I could tell he wanted to rush over at that impossible speed and ask me what happened, every detail on that face I still knew how to read told me that. I threw all my stuff back into my bookbag, deciding my car was a less than ideal place now. It didn't matter how fast I was getting out of my car, he was faster. Edward caught my wrist gently in his cool grasp, pulling me closer. "What happened?" His words felt like velvet as he had me turn to face him, his other hand coming up to brush the edge of the growing bruise. When I winced, his face twisted in what appeared as pain but I knew well enough that it was self loathing. "Who did this?"
"Me." I mumbled, partially because I was embarrassed but mostly due to the sudden intimacy. I went so long without even looking in his direction if I could help it, avoiding him at all costs, punishing him. The encounter during the summer along the road seemed like a hairpin trigger, and he had once again fragmented across my life. He was everywhere, slowly working his way under my skin again, tainting my breath and fracturing my thoughts. Just the act of being this close to him felt like an injustice to Angela. Even then, I couldn't back away. The image of us standing so close to one another must have been a rather scandalous one, somehow Edward's hand left mine and he was closely examining my cheek, both his cool hands resting there for a moment, soothing the burn in my cheeks as the blush set in.
One of his hands slid down my cheek, holding my jaw as he seemed to study my entire face, his breath blooming across it in a gentle breeze that smelled like him. "I can't hear your thoughts right now… so I can't tell if you're telling the truth or a well practiced lie." His words made me ache, and I couldn't help wondering why he couldn't hear me. Was there something wrong with me? Something with him? He didn't seem to hear my thoughts ever in these encounters. A stab of distrust punctured my heart, and I began to think he was lying to me.
Reality began to filter back through, the haze of the previous relationship peeled back from my eyes, and horror struck me. "I have to get inside." I mumbled, pulling away from him, every painful barb of the connection ripping at me as the distance increased. One thing I knew for sure, I was still horribly in love with Edward Cullen. That fact continued to set in as I continued rushing into the building, all but forgetting about the obvious bruise on my face. When I walked into the cafeteria, I saw both Ang and Gaia spin around excitedly. Both of their faces dropped the moment they saw my face, and I couldn't tell if it was because of the bruise, or if I still held some sign of my encounter in the parking lot. Once I was seated at the table, Angela grabbed my face the same exact way Edward just had, the heat flamed in my cheeks as she ran her eyes over it, then locked onto mine. "Do you have any blurry vision or dizziness?" Her thumb stroked my cheek, and I felt sick to my stomach suddenly, not from the bruise, but from my guilt. I had allowed that interaction to continue, I had allowed my feelings for a man who had hurt me to flourish once more.
"No, no none. It only hurts if I touch it, I was wondering if you guys could help me cover it up?" I shoved all my emotions down until I didn't have to deal with them. I let myself feel my love for Angela, slightly displeased to feel the difference between my love for her and my love for Edward.
"Yeah we can cover that, come on, let's go to the bathroom." Angela said gently, twining her fingers with mine. She led me off to the bathroom, instructed me to sit on the sink, and began the work of covering the bruise. She was a master with color corrector, and even better when it came to a light touch. There were only a few times she caused my wince or flinch, and that was mostly when she was attempting the beauty blender over the bulk of the bruise. "So… did you pass the test?" Her breath brushed against me lightly, she pursed her lips when she was focused, only breaking it to ask me the question I knew was burning in her from the moment she left my house this morning.
"With flying colors." I smiled, grabbing my wallet as she leaned against my legs. I procured my newly printed ID, holding it out for her to see. "It is rather unfortunate that I did find out I had a black eye this way." I made the grumpy cat frown as I looked at her.
"Oh no!" She laughed, her head rocking back and her hand grabbing my leg to steady herself. "Oh that's terrible! I'm so sorry." Her words broke up in the laughter, her free hand clutching her stomach. Seeing her in such joy was shocking to me, but she seemed so untied down by this world. So firmly planted in happiness and joy, the pure embodiment of life. It dawned on me that she was to me what I was to Edward. A connection to the world of the living.
Once Angela was pleased with her work, and had pulled herself together effectively, we went off to our next classes. I was still determined to skip gym, and so I snuck off. I couldn't trust the rooms in the school because they would likely have stray staff or students. I made my way out to the parking lot, then promptly began replaying the earlier encounter, and made a sudden turn. I was walking for a moment before I realized I was about to disappear behind the tree line. It should be fine. I thought to myself, I can just study out here, I won't go too far in. Bears do exist… not like Emmett would give them much of a chance if he could. I amused myself with the thoughts as I made my way into the dense undergrowth that bordered the school grounds. Like the forbidden forest… monsters and all. My thoughts took a bitter turn as I crashed down onto a comfy looking fallen tree.
I couldn't quite explain my actions, but I pulled my bag to the front of me, and procured the envelope from the folder it had been safely tucked in. I couldn't bring myself to open it, but I stared for a while, memorizing every little stain on the thick creamy paper. There were stains that looked like they could have been tear stains, but the age of them didn't seem to give any answer to who's tears they were. Something felt so surreal, holding the last thing of mine that my birth mother had ever touched, reigniting the old questions I had thought I had put to rest as a child. I needed to talk to Gaia about this, tell her about how I wasn't sure what I was going to do, ask her if she could maybe read it first. No. That won't be a good idea. Something tickled in my head as I entertained the thought of having Gaia take the first read, something that told me I would deeply regret that decision. With a sigh I pulled my headphones out and slid down to the slightly damp earth, opening my phone and listening to Spotify on shuffle. I could only do it for a few minutes however, no matter how many times I skipped a song, the next one held some meaning in it that felt relevant in my life. "GAH!" I ripped my headphones off and threw them in the direction of the school, but I never heard them hit the ground.
"Ara…" Edward's voice silenced the birds and bugs that had created a song of their own.
"What." I grumbled as I buried my face in my hands, the fight leaving my body.
"Jasper… he said you might need someone right now." He seemed hesitant, all our encounters still fresh in his never aging mind.
"I think you should have consulted Alice on this one before you raced out here." I peaked up, seeing him slowly walk to be just a few feet away from me before sitting.
"I did." He sounded a little too smug for my liking, but I knew I didn't have the stamina to keep up the charade right now. I felt far too much, my heart may as well have been out of my chest and bleeding on the ground between us.
"Well… I guess you just have all the answers then." I huffed, pulling my head officially from my hands and rocking it back to rest against the tree.
"I think you know better than anyone that I don't." I would believe him if he told me those words had brought him pain, because it was painted so clearly on his face.
"Touche." I smirked bitterly, the light of my relationship with him compared to mine with Angela making me bitter.
"It's not your fault." Edward said after a moment.
"What?" I felt confused, as well as a little taken aback at his words.
"None of it." There it was, the old cryptic Eddie coming out.
"None of what?" I was now officially frustrated, raising my head from where it rested against the bark, and feeling the attitude leak out into my face.
"Of anything. Of everything. None of it, all the things that have happened to you, it's not your fault, and I don't think I was ever really able to convince you of that." Slowly, my face dropped from attitude to disbelief. I felt the anger grab me again, because it was easier to be angry than to feel the love of acceptance I felt for someone who hurt me so easily. I grabbed my bag and headphones, standing up suddenly and ignoring the roar of blood in my ears as my blood rushed and made me dizzy. I started to storm away, then felt his cold fingers lace into mine. "Ara…" My breath caught in my throat as I spun to face him. "Please."
I can't say I am proud of what happened next, or explain how or why it happened, but suddenly I was colliding with him. He circled his arms around me, hands tangling in my hair, and our lips crushed together. It was like returning home after a long trip, but unlike home, this wasn't where I belonged. This was like breaking into a house that you hadn't lived in for years, like I was somehow attempting to force myself back into a life I had left behind and grown out of. No matter how well we still fit together, I knew what I was doing was wrong, I knew that I would hurt Angela if she ever found out, and I knew I could never tell her. I broke away from him, my face feeling flushed and my lips tingling. "I have to leave." I gasped, turning and running back toward the school, now late for History.
When I pushed through the door, looked at me disapprovingly. "Birthday pass!" I threw my hands up in defense before he could give me a tardy slip and sentence me to detention.
"Fine. I hadn't gotten to you on the schedule yet so I guess I can let it slide today." He sighed, waving me to my seat. Quickly, I made my way to the spot and slid in, Gaia giving me a curious glance. I shook my head and motioned up to the front of the room, knowing she would guess it wasn't something I could just whisper during attendance like we normally did.
I watched as she discreetly began writing a note out, and as she did so, I moved my attention to a few seats ahead of me where Alice and Jasper sat. "Jasper… I know I kind of threatened you if you ever used your emotion thingy on me again, but I kind of feel like I'm dying right now, and I know you really hate when these feelings are in the room. I will literally beg you… make it stop." Just as soon as I finished my barely whispered plea, the feeling of calm and sincerity washed over me. "Thanks… promise I won't out you to the class." The verbage felt ironic to me, but I knew he understood me. Just then, the tiny folded paper flitted onto my desk.
Whats going on? Are you okay? You're never late.
I waited to write back, as the papers for today's assignment began to be passed out, but as soon as the coast was clear I scribbled in the line under her. Yeah, I'm good, my dad gave me something this morning and I'm just now processing it is all.
She read the note as soon as it slid onto her desk, being far ballsier than I was. Her confusion only grew, and after a few determined scribbles, she slid the note back onto my binder. What did he give you?
Part of me hoped she would drop it, still having no fight left in me after the kiss that would remain secret until I died. A letter
She seemed annoyed by my short response, shooting me a glance that would tell me everything she didn't write. Letter?
After I got the note back, had to step out of the room, and our frequency of note passing increased dramatically. From my mother.
Wait, mother as in Mrs. Jacks or mother as in egg donor?
Egg donor I clarified.
OMG what! Are you ok? Do you need to talk about it after school? I can cancel my volunteer stuff tonight if you need! As soon as she placed the note on my desk and drew her hand back, the door opened again and stepped back in, halting us for just a moment. I spent the next few minutes writing my essay question before I covertly slid the note on top of the worksheet and scribbled my response back to her.
No I'm good, dont worry about it. I finished scribbling the last line, then shoved the note under my book as I saw start to scan the room. We had less than ten minutes left, but he was a stickler when it came to working until the last second. I didn't get the chance to give the note back until we rose to go to the final period of the day, and on our way out the door I pressed it into her palm, a stiff smile passing across my mouth, before making my way to Home Ec where I would be forced to face my unfaithful acts in the form of a lab partner.
When I stepped into the shiny Home Ec room, I discovered Edward wasn't at our lab table. I glanced around, my eyes landing on the white board where a huge cake was drawn and my name was written in Edward's reagle text. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" My whole class shouted at once, making me jump so hard I nearly dropped all my books.
"Awe, you guys, thank you!" I felt the tears threatening to flow, but fought them back and made my way to the lab table.
"Arabella!" Chef's booming voice filled the room, making me jump again, and when I spun I saw him walking in with a cart, Edward following close behind. When my eyes fell on the cart, I saw a birthday cake just big enough to feed the whole class, two candles shoved in the top and lit. They read "16" and sat surrounded by purple text that read "Happy SWEET Sixteen Ari." My heart nearly shattered as the whole class began to sing to me, slightly off key, and nobody could decide what they wanted to call me. The tears really did fall then, and I blew the candles out with a smile.
I thought that was officially the last celebration of my birthday I would get today, the mini party we threw in class, but instead I was shocked to find that when I got home there would be another. It seemed my dad was doing everything he could to counterbalance the letter, and he seemed even more nervous when he saw that I still hadn't opened it. Little did he know, I was making my own very bad luck today, and the letter wasn't even the lowest point I had achieved. Not by a long shot.